September 2nd, 2016
Dear reader,
I owe you an apology. The Friday prior to the arrival of my mother-in-law for her first ever visit, I wrote that I would not write during her visit but I would resume my blog after she left our home. Well, things didn't exactly true out that way. This is my first blog since then, a month later than expected.
However, much has happened since I last wrote. My visit with my mother-in-law, Patsy, was a success. I wasn't sure what to expect. I was very nervous. The way my husband described her, I expected her to criticize everything about me-what I wore, the cleanliness of our home and, my approach to motherhood. It wasn't like that at all. Patsy knows what she likes and tells it like it is. I found this refreshing because I never had to wonder if she liked something. She would tell me. I didn't have to worry that I was making her tea wrong for two weeks and that she would go home and complain to everyone about it. This is so often the case where people don't want to hurt your feelings and so you go on irritating them and everyone knows but you. Within 24 hours, I knew which cup was her favourite, when she liked her tea, what snacks she preferred and which of our chairs were the right size for her to sit comfortably. I was able to enjoy our visit because I wasn't second-guessing anything and, when I did something for her she really appreciated it.
Patsy loves to talk, she's like a live history book. I learned a great deal about her, London culture in general and, my husband. I started taking notes. She's my husband's mother, he has his own history with her which means he has "his stories" about her. He was embarrassed by her talking and would get irritated with her. She was a new person to me and I had a great time serving food and listening to stories. We really became good friends. What I didn't realize was that out of her five children, no one really took care of Patsy. One of her daughters takes her out once a year for a Mother's Day/Birthday meal-killing two birds with one stone. Other than that, she mostly lives with her son who is ill and spends his days locked up in his room. Patsy was limited by her mobility issues. On her first night here, she had to take a break on the landing on her way up the stairs to her room. She wheezed and held onto the banister. I worried she would have a heart attack.
We welcomed her into our family, looked after her and treated her with dignity. Patsy said she felt "less disabled" after a few days. She ate healthy meals with us and we took her out a few times to show her the shops in Merrickville or to celebrate my birthday in Ottawa. I took her and the girls to get mani/pedis. She pointed out that her toes were all piled up onto each other. The nail polish was getting smudged. I bought gel toe separators so she could help her toes move back to their original location. She wore the gel separators at night before bed. Within days, she was walking around the house, feeling more stable. She lost weight and was getting up the stairs without getting winded.
We were all amazed by her progress. One morning, she decided to try my treadmill. She also came swimming with us. She started to notice the difference between the way she was treated at home and how it felt to be here with us. She didn't want to go back. She wanted to buy a home up the street and live close by. She did return to the UK but she felt much more confident. She could see how people were using her for her money back home. We never asked her for any money. We just wanted her to have a nice visit. She started to eat healthier foods and walk around more, she refused to answer the phone when her adult children and grandchildren called her for money. She told her son he needed to smoke outside the house and get out of the house every day. It was good for both of them. Patsy has already booked her flight to come and visit us over the Christmas holidays. I was overjoyed at this transformation and our role in it.
What I couldn't anticipate was my husband's reaction to his mother's visit. Prior to her arrival, he was working crazy hours as he always does before a vacation. I was making decisions and arrangements and he had no opinion, he was too tired to think. When she did get here, he enjoyed her for the first 24 hours then he started bickering with her. His anxiety and anger increased. He fought with her on my birthday which was a drag. He eventually just went out a lot or stayed away from us. It left me alone with his mom and our daughters. When she left, he went through two weeks of anxiety and sadness. I couldn't understand it nor could he. He was also experiencing more nightmares than usual. For two weeks after her departure, the emotional aftershock and lack of sleep left me drained so I had no energy to write.
Then, as our life was returning to normal, my friend Chris sent me the link to a funding opportunity for writers. I love to write and I have had a few projects on the back-burner for some time. These are writing projects I'd like to pursue but have no ability to fund. I was actually eligible for it so I devoted the past two weeks to writing my bio, gathering samples of my work, getting them scanned, revising my resume and learning how to blank out my name from documents. I finally submitted my application yesterday afternoon. It felt soon good to get it done. I have never applied for funds before and I worried that this lack of experience would be apparent but I did it anyways. I won't know until November 18th, 2016 if I will receive any funding but I feel proud go myself for getting the application completed and submitted.
Ironically, the fund is for writers with children under the age of 18. The toughest part of the application process was getting out of the house to get copies done and scanned or to have time to dig up documents or type up my bio. My children are at home all summer and I have very little time to myself so getting my application in was quite the juggling act. Next week, my daughters will be back in school. I will miss them. I will, however, welcome the space and time to create, exercise, get out of the house, meet with friends and hang out with my husband on his days off.
Today, the girls are determined to stay in their underwear all day, to eat and play in their room. We will go out together later and they will want to talk about school and speculate; "What if my friends are not in my classroom? What if I get a mean teacher?". We will savour our time together, eating ice cream, walking on the sandy beach, jumping on the trampoline and, for them, playing with their dolls in the dark, way after I have tucked them in.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label vacation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vacation. Show all posts
Friday, 2 September 2016
Thursday, 14 July 2016
Why Do We Clean?
July 14th, 2016
Last night, I was too exhausted to type so I didn't blog. I am feeling pretty tired again this evening but I didn't want to skip two nights in a row. Why do I crave my bed by 9pm when I have put my daughters to bed? Cleaning!
You see, my mother-in-law is coming over for two weeks. She lives in England and I have never met her. We started using Face Time to communicate so I have seen her face and we have interacted for short periods of time but a whole two weeks in the same house is a bit scary.
I remember my mother cleaning frantically whenever people came over. We would rush around, stowing piles of clothing, books, paperwork etc into closets, praying that no one would open them. We would vacuum everywhere and dust all surfaces. It was so stressful.
I don't generally keep the house spotless. I de-clutter and clean the essential areas-washrooms, kitchen and bedding. I sweep every day because our dog and cat shed, leaving tumbleweeds of fur rolling around the wooden floor. Otherwise, my home is cozy and hygienic but no one would nominate me for a good housekeeping award.
When people come over, (we have people over a lot), I check the washrooms to ensure they are clean and I give the floors a good sweep so our guests don't go home with tufts of fur attached to their socks. That's it! I figure people come over to see us, not inspect our home.
This time is different. There's something about meeting your mother-in-law that is intimidating. I don't know why that is. She seems really sweet and, from what my husband tells me, she didn't like cleaning the house either so she'll understand. So, I have been cleaning the house thoroughly. When you are exposed to the dirt in your home all the time, you stop noticing it. I had to step back and see our home with fresh eyes.
One of the biggest challenges to keeping our home clean is that my children, husband and pets are messy. There are toys, tools and fur all over the place. There is only one of me so it feels like there is no point in trying to clean the house, no matter how much progress is made, I turn around and there is more work to be done. Today, I was cleaning the patio door windows. I had cleaned the inside and stepped outside to clean the other side. I sprayed the entire window and my dog decided to come and see what I was doing. She followed my paper towel as I wiped and I watched in horror as she licked the inside of the window-the one I had just washed. I had to laugh.
I spent one month just de-cluttering-tools in the basement, receipts on my husband's dresser, toys in a giveaway bag or in our daughters' rooms. Then I created a master list and started working on one section at a time. The hood fan over the stove was the worst-greasy and sticky, yuk!
As much as I hate cleaning, there is a certain feeling of satisfaction when you can look around the room and it is spacious and neat. I enjoy organizing items so they each have a place. In the past, I have created nooks for the girls to draw as well as reading areas but, they turn any cute, organized area into a war zone. I have learned my lesson and now, every time I have to clean an area that they have cluttered, I donate most of the items away. This simplifies their environment and makes it harder for them to trash it.
As I cleaned today, I wondered what I am trying to prove. Initially, I was telling myself that I just wanted my mother-in-law to be comfortable. However, will cleaning and ironing the curtains really make a big difference? Am I trying to pretend that I am a great home maker? That would be a lie. I suck at cleaning. I am much more interested in living in our home and enjoying my family. So, I have no answer. I don't know why I am putting so much effort into cleaning our home. I do want my mother-in-law to feel welcome and comfortable. It may be as simple as that.
I have three more days to prepare. I feel pretty good. I can't wait for her to get here so we can finally just enjoy our time together and get to know each other. I will not be blogging while she is here from July 17th to July 31st, 2016. We have so many exciting activities planned for her visit. I'm sure I'll have plenty to blog about after our vacation.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Last night, I was too exhausted to type so I didn't blog. I am feeling pretty tired again this evening but I didn't want to skip two nights in a row. Why do I crave my bed by 9pm when I have put my daughters to bed? Cleaning!
You see, my mother-in-law is coming over for two weeks. She lives in England and I have never met her. We started using Face Time to communicate so I have seen her face and we have interacted for short periods of time but a whole two weeks in the same house is a bit scary.
I remember my mother cleaning frantically whenever people came over. We would rush around, stowing piles of clothing, books, paperwork etc into closets, praying that no one would open them. We would vacuum everywhere and dust all surfaces. It was so stressful.
I don't generally keep the house spotless. I de-clutter and clean the essential areas-washrooms, kitchen and bedding. I sweep every day because our dog and cat shed, leaving tumbleweeds of fur rolling around the wooden floor. Otherwise, my home is cozy and hygienic but no one would nominate me for a good housekeeping award.
When people come over, (we have people over a lot), I check the washrooms to ensure they are clean and I give the floors a good sweep so our guests don't go home with tufts of fur attached to their socks. That's it! I figure people come over to see us, not inspect our home.
This time is different. There's something about meeting your mother-in-law that is intimidating. I don't know why that is. She seems really sweet and, from what my husband tells me, she didn't like cleaning the house either so she'll understand. So, I have been cleaning the house thoroughly. When you are exposed to the dirt in your home all the time, you stop noticing it. I had to step back and see our home with fresh eyes.
One of the biggest challenges to keeping our home clean is that my children, husband and pets are messy. There are toys, tools and fur all over the place. There is only one of me so it feels like there is no point in trying to clean the house, no matter how much progress is made, I turn around and there is more work to be done. Today, I was cleaning the patio door windows. I had cleaned the inside and stepped outside to clean the other side. I sprayed the entire window and my dog decided to come and see what I was doing. She followed my paper towel as I wiped and I watched in horror as she licked the inside of the window-the one I had just washed. I had to laugh.
I spent one month just de-cluttering-tools in the basement, receipts on my husband's dresser, toys in a giveaway bag or in our daughters' rooms. Then I created a master list and started working on one section at a time. The hood fan over the stove was the worst-greasy and sticky, yuk!
As much as I hate cleaning, there is a certain feeling of satisfaction when you can look around the room and it is spacious and neat. I enjoy organizing items so they each have a place. In the past, I have created nooks for the girls to draw as well as reading areas but, they turn any cute, organized area into a war zone. I have learned my lesson and now, every time I have to clean an area that they have cluttered, I donate most of the items away. This simplifies their environment and makes it harder for them to trash it.
As I cleaned today, I wondered what I am trying to prove. Initially, I was telling myself that I just wanted my mother-in-law to be comfortable. However, will cleaning and ironing the curtains really make a big difference? Am I trying to pretend that I am a great home maker? That would be a lie. I suck at cleaning. I am much more interested in living in our home and enjoying my family. So, I have no answer. I don't know why I am putting so much effort into cleaning our home. I do want my mother-in-law to feel welcome and comfortable. It may be as simple as that.
I have three more days to prepare. I feel pretty good. I can't wait for her to get here so we can finally just enjoy our time together and get to know each other. I will not be blogging while she is here from July 17th to July 31st, 2016. We have so many exciting activities planned for her visit. I'm sure I'll have plenty to blog about after our vacation.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Saturday, 19 March 2016
Last post-Pet Sitters
March 19th, 2016
Hello everyone, this will be my last post until April 4th. My family and I are leaving for Florida tomorrow and I will be enjoying our time away together without technology. I am sure I will feel inspired to write about new topics when we return.
Right now, everyone is asleep and we are all packed. I am reading over my to-do list and I am satisfied with my progress. I feel excited about our trip. My husband's clients will be house sitting and pet sitting for us. That makes all the difference for me.
In the past, we had neighbors check on the cat, scoop his litter, fill his food bowl and give him some love every day but no one lived in our home. When we got our dog, this was no longer an option. We tried two different kennels. The people were nice but our dog is more of a human-lover, not so much a dog-lover. The last year that she was in a kennel, when we returned, the owner gave us a photo of our dog as a souvenir of her stay. Our dog was being sniffed by dogs on either side, her ears were back and her tail was curled down between her legs. It broke my heart. She looked so unhappy.
Last year, a friend of ours stayed with our pets. It was a completely different experience. Our dog was able to stay in her environment where everything is familiar and comfortable. She received great care by this loving woman who absolutely adores dogs and bakes her own treats. We could check in with her by e-mail throughout the holiday. She even sent footage of our pets when the girls were missing them. We returned to a happy, slightly slimmer from the extra exercise dog and a satisfied, calm cat. Our home had been carde for and there were fresh flowers on the table.
Our friend has her own dog now so she couldn't be here this year. Luckily, my husband has many clients and we have more pet lovers coming to spoil our animals and keep our home cozy while we are away.
As silly as it may seem, I feel more excited about our trip knowing that our pets will be happy. It's hard to go away and relax when you are worried about your dog, wondering if she is stressed. That is no longer an issue. It's also a relief to know that, when the children inevitably start missing the pets, we can share photos e-mailed to my husband's phone (which he will be taking with him).
Thank you pet sitters everyone for offering love to our pets, important members of our family, and for providing peace of mind for the family members who love them.
See you on April 4th!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Hello everyone, this will be my last post until April 4th. My family and I are leaving for Florida tomorrow and I will be enjoying our time away together without technology. I am sure I will feel inspired to write about new topics when we return.
Right now, everyone is asleep and we are all packed. I am reading over my to-do list and I am satisfied with my progress. I feel excited about our trip. My husband's clients will be house sitting and pet sitting for us. That makes all the difference for me.
In the past, we had neighbors check on the cat, scoop his litter, fill his food bowl and give him some love every day but no one lived in our home. When we got our dog, this was no longer an option. We tried two different kennels. The people were nice but our dog is more of a human-lover, not so much a dog-lover. The last year that she was in a kennel, when we returned, the owner gave us a photo of our dog as a souvenir of her stay. Our dog was being sniffed by dogs on either side, her ears were back and her tail was curled down between her legs. It broke my heart. She looked so unhappy.
Last year, a friend of ours stayed with our pets. It was a completely different experience. Our dog was able to stay in her environment where everything is familiar and comfortable. She received great care by this loving woman who absolutely adores dogs and bakes her own treats. We could check in with her by e-mail throughout the holiday. She even sent footage of our pets when the girls were missing them. We returned to a happy, slightly slimmer from the extra exercise dog and a satisfied, calm cat. Our home had been carde for and there were fresh flowers on the table.
Our friend has her own dog now so she couldn't be here this year. Luckily, my husband has many clients and we have more pet lovers coming to spoil our animals and keep our home cozy while we are away.
As silly as it may seem, I feel more excited about our trip knowing that our pets will be happy. It's hard to go away and relax when you are worried about your dog, wondering if she is stressed. That is no longer an issue. It's also a relief to know that, when the children inevitably start missing the pets, we can share photos e-mailed to my husband's phone (which he will be taking with him).
Thank you pet sitters everyone for offering love to our pets, important members of our family, and for providing peace of mind for the family members who love them.
See you on April 4th!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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