Hygiene

May 27th, 2016

This morning I had the same argument with my ten year old that we have been having for months now. She stood in the shower drawing on the glass door with her index finger. I asked her if she had started washing herself yet, she hadn't. Her seven year old sister waited patiently wearing her shower cap. My eldest informed me that she would not be washing herself.

Apparently, I am the only parent who requires that her children shower every day. My eldest assures me that her friends wash once a week. I said that was disgusting. My daughter responded that it was normal and I was unreasonable. Later, I spoke to some friends with children in grade 4. They are having similar battles with their sons and daughters. Grade 4 and 5 teachers are very familiar with the stink of a classroom filled with pre-pubescent children.

It's almost as if they are not aware of their smell yet. Their hormones are kicking in, armpits are sweaty, sneakers are smelly but the pre-teen remains unconcerned. Ironically, once my daughter starts liking boys, I won't be able to get her out of the shower but, for now, it is a battle.

We compared our approaches: "You stink, go wash yourself"! Or "As your mother, it's part of my responsibilities to ensure you wash yourself" or "Don't do it because you want to, do it for your friends who will be spending time with you" or "This is your body, you need to feed it, wash it, exercise it, it's part of self-care". None of us have been successful.

I spoke to my husband about it. His suggestion was: "Let her stink, her friends will tell her she smells and she'll start washing". I can remember my mother asking to speak to me before I went out to play with my friends. I was probably ten years old. She washed my pits and rubbed deodorant on them. I clearly recall how shocked I was. I didn't notice a smell, I thought I was fine. This seemed completely unnecessary. Now I am the Mom and I can't imagine my daughter can't smell her pits or feet.

This is just one more phase of her development to navigate. Speaking to other parents is helpful, it normalizes this experience. Remembering my own pre-teen years is reassuring. I have excellent hygiene now so I know she will be fine in a few years.

Hang in there parents of pre-teens, this too shall pass.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org