The Lost Wardrobe

October 11th, 2016

Well, I think we all agree that Fall has come. The mornings are chilly and the evenings are just plain frigid. I am attending some training tomorrow. It's in Brockville and starts early in the morning so I decided to pull out my Winter wardrobe. I walked down to the basement. No tupperware boxes. I checked the barn, where I knew there was a black garbage bag full of tights, tops and dresses. Nothing.

My husband has been driving to the local charity, Lazarus House, throughout the Summer with bags of stuff. He has been de-cluttering his closet. We have donated piles of toys that our daughters have outgrown. However, I think he may have gotten over-zealous and grabbed stuff that wasn't meant for the donation bin, namely, My Entire Winter Wardrobe.

I told my husband that I seemed to be missing a season's worth of clothing. He scratched his head, swallowed and asked me where this "wardrobe" was stored. He came with me to double check the basement and the barn. He came to the same conclusion as I had a mere 10 minutes earlier. Yup, no clothing here.

So, here's the thing, I can just got to the store and get a few pairs of pants, a couple of sweaters and a handful of tights but, I don't buy a lot of clothing. I pick items I like and keep them for years. I am imagining various items that I loved to wear. My favourite colourful dresses, my funky tights, my cozy sweaters. It's sad, like a photo album burned up in a fire.

The other thing is I am chunkier than I used to be and some of those items were my motivation to lose the weight. I wanted to fit into the colourful pants, that tulip shaped skirt. Those were my measuring stick. Have I lost weight? Let me try on those pants. Nope, still too tight. I feel like I have lost a whole section of my identity. I know it's only clothing and people have real problems and this is NOT a serious problem but it feels like a loss.

I can go shopping but I want my old clothes back. The shirt with a tiny stain from my daughter's spit up. The dress I wore to my art therapy interview. The pants I bought in Montreal in that cool shop on St-Denis that smells of incense.

I guess it's time for a fresh start. A new wardrobe with new memories. Clothing that fit me the way I am now. It just struck me that it's ironic that it is my Winter wardrobe that has disappeared since I visualize every day that I go away with my family every year to a warm destination for the entire Winter. Perhaps the Universe is listening to my request and preparing me for our departure. If my life is about to change and I won't be around for the Winter then bring it on but it better happen soon because it's getting cold.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org