September 26th, 2016
It's my husband's turn to take the kids to gymnastics tonight. My youngest daughter hugs my waist and my eldest says she prefers when my husband takes them because no one stares at them when he's there. She looks at me apologetically and says, "People always stare at us when you're there". It hurts. I know it shouldn't. I should just shake it off but the hurt lingers. It's not that I care what others think of me, I couldn't care less at this point in my life. It's the effect on my daughters. It hurts that my daughters are made uncomfortable at their favourite activity because of the reaction of strangers to the colour of my skin.
I wrote about this before, my surprise during my mother-in-law's visit when she expressed shock at how rude people were at the local public swimming pool. She noticed them staring at us and she later shared her outrage with my husband. I know it used to make my white mother angry when I was young. She would stare back at people or say, "My God people are ignorant"! I didn't understand it at the time. It seemed like a random outburst. One day she was talking to me about how annoying it is that people stare at me and how they need to get used to people who look different. I started noticing it and it really got on my nerves. Now, years later, I am oblivious to it but, once in a while, other people who are with me notice it and, it still hurts.
When you look or behave differently, people judge you. There are two types of stares: ignorant, curious stares from people who have never seen anyone who looks like you so they are just fixated on you. You'll have entire families at a restaurant or park turn to look at you and watch your every move. The second stare is intimidating. These people hate you and they want you to know. You feel on an energy level that they wish you were dead. It's intense, confusing and sad. Any person of colour whether they are black, white, red or yellow, will tell you how it feels to be judged and hated for no other reason that your looks on a daily basis. It is draining and so useless.
I feel so much compassion for families with a disabled family member. I see people stare at them too. They are trying to eat dinner or enjoy a fun activity. People sit and gawk. It's normal to be curious but non-stop, won't look away gawking is annoying. There is one lady who has a son in a wheelchair. She talks to him in a gentle voice, spoon feeding him, joking with people around them to put them at ease and just being so loving. Then, people walk around them, staring, sometimes saying something to each other within ear shot or looking irritated by the sight or sound of them. I find this behaviour frustrating. I wish these people could see the mean and hurtful impact of their attitude.
Tonight, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are having their debate. I am freaked out that he has even made it this far, that enough people support his beliefs and are willing to elect him. Someone was saying that members of the KKK are already ironing their sheets. I worry that even if he is not elected, too much damage has been done, that old prejudices that we all thought were gone will resurface. This would be very sad for all of us but, especially, for the next generation. Their beliefs and behaviours will determine the direction of future generations.
Why am I writing about this? I needed to vent because I was feeling hurt but I also want to get people who don't get judged, excluded or hated on a daily basis to imagine what it's like to live that way, how draining and hurtful it might be. We are not born prejudiced. It is learned behaviour. On Facebook yesterday, they showed an experiment where a group of people from various countries had their DNA tested. They interviewed them before the test and they had all sorts of prejudiced ideas about other people. Then, when the results were in and they saw that no one was 100% pure white, they started to think of other people as family, not strangers. Some of them turned out to be related. I wish everybody could go through a DNA test. Then, they could apply the energy they once used to judge and hate others toward helping and supporting each other.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label judgment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label judgment. Show all posts
Monday, 26 September 2016
Friday, 18 March 2016
Claire Charron
March 18th, 2016
Today is a special day, my mother, Claire Charron, was born 67 years ago today. I will be visiting her with my daughters. We'll bring her back to our home and spend the weekend together. When I was young, I loved my mother because she was my mom. Eventually, I heard about the hardships she had faced when she had me and was pressured to abort me. Needless to say, she chose to keep me but her family and friends rejected her. She faced many years alone, shamed for having a dark child and for being a single mom.
She worked hard to provide a home and to fill our bellies every day. I often tease her about her culinary adventures. We ate Spam, Click, Cam, and mac n cheese without the cheese (she only used a sprinkling of cheese which made it sooo gross). Once in a while, when she was feeling rich, she would buy balony and fry it in a pan, she served it with melted, fried cheddar and a can of corn. It was a gastronomical leap forward and I would dance for joy!
Now that I am older, I love my mom because I recognize that she is a compassionate human being. She doesn't judge people. When I hung out with punk rockers with black, spiked hair and piercings, she treated them with the same respect as anyone else. I watched her working at the reception of a long term care facility. She listened to the stories of the many lonely residents who came to visit her even though she had lots of work to do with multiple deadlines. When she walked away from her desk to deliver important papers to managers, I saw her kneel next to every resident who wanted to talk to her so she could be at eye level with them. She eventually obtained a degree in palliative care and she currently volunteers at Montfort Hospital, sitting with residents who are anxious or lonely. She supports families who are grieving as well.
As a mother, I have a new respect for the challenges she must have faced when she was alone and unprepared for the responsibilities of parenthood. She worked hard and gave me what she could. We went through many experiences together. What I love about my mother is that she loves unconditionally. When I wanted to move to Montreal for my studies, she was very sad. She loved having me with her. However, she encouraged me to go for it. Whenever I make a decision, she supports me and dosent not try to give me advice. As I raise my children, I am sure she doesn't always agree with my approach but she keeps it to herself. She lets me carve out my own path, follow my gut and parent as I see fit.
In my career, she is the first to celebrate my accomplishments and, when I fail, she is there to hear me vent and pray for me. She visits our children every week, draws with them and listens to their stories. She has their art plastered all over her refrigerator. She logs their funny comments in her journal. She loves reading self-help books and is always learning something new.
Today I celebrate my mom for her simplicity, her sense of humour, her unconditional love and compassion. Hope you have a great day mom! I love you!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today is a special day, my mother, Claire Charron, was born 67 years ago today. I will be visiting her with my daughters. We'll bring her back to our home and spend the weekend together. When I was young, I loved my mother because she was my mom. Eventually, I heard about the hardships she had faced when she had me and was pressured to abort me. Needless to say, she chose to keep me but her family and friends rejected her. She faced many years alone, shamed for having a dark child and for being a single mom.
She worked hard to provide a home and to fill our bellies every day. I often tease her about her culinary adventures. We ate Spam, Click, Cam, and mac n cheese without the cheese (she only used a sprinkling of cheese which made it sooo gross). Once in a while, when she was feeling rich, she would buy balony and fry it in a pan, she served it with melted, fried cheddar and a can of corn. It was a gastronomical leap forward and I would dance for joy!
Now that I am older, I love my mom because I recognize that she is a compassionate human being. She doesn't judge people. When I hung out with punk rockers with black, spiked hair and piercings, she treated them with the same respect as anyone else. I watched her working at the reception of a long term care facility. She listened to the stories of the many lonely residents who came to visit her even though she had lots of work to do with multiple deadlines. When she walked away from her desk to deliver important papers to managers, I saw her kneel next to every resident who wanted to talk to her so she could be at eye level with them. She eventually obtained a degree in palliative care and she currently volunteers at Montfort Hospital, sitting with residents who are anxious or lonely. She supports families who are grieving as well.
As a mother, I have a new respect for the challenges she must have faced when she was alone and unprepared for the responsibilities of parenthood. She worked hard and gave me what she could. We went through many experiences together. What I love about my mother is that she loves unconditionally. When I wanted to move to Montreal for my studies, she was very sad. She loved having me with her. However, she encouraged me to go for it. Whenever I make a decision, she supports me and dosent not try to give me advice. As I raise my children, I am sure she doesn't always agree with my approach but she keeps it to herself. She lets me carve out my own path, follow my gut and parent as I see fit.
In my career, she is the first to celebrate my accomplishments and, when I fail, she is there to hear me vent and pray for me. She visits our children every week, draws with them and listens to their stories. She has their art plastered all over her refrigerator. She logs their funny comments in her journal. She loves reading self-help books and is always learning something new.
Today I celebrate my mom for her simplicity, her sense of humour, her unconditional love and compassion. Hope you have a great day mom! I love you!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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