December 27th, 2016
My husband invited his mother to join us for Christmas this year. I was worried. It is such a relaxing, peaceful, enjoyable holiday. My husband's relationship with his mother is intense. They can talk and laugh then suddenly, out of nowhere, it all takes a wrong turn, hurtful words are spoken, voices are raised. Would this change the feeling of our holiday? I thought it might be the last year that our eldest would believe in Santa and, considering the mess up with our youngest daughter's gift from Santa (still no parcel from Amazon), it might be her last year as well. I didn't want to mess it up.
I enjoy my mother-in-law. She is funny and she is even healthier than during her last visit in the summer so there are more activities we can do. She loves her cup of tea, sweets and talking about everything and anything. I feel comfortable with her. She is direct and I know what she wants, likes and hates, which makes it easy for me.
Whenever she comes for a visit, I observe first-hand how my husband and his mother interact; what annoys him (her saying racist things or recalling past events in a way that shines a more positive light on her), what hurts her (when he raises his voice, asks her to stop talking or says she is being selfish) and, what brings them closer (music, movies, the Queen). As I spent time with my mother and his, I observed how our own expectations can mess up an opportunity to create happy memories. We forget that our parents are human beings with qualities that we take for granted, judge weaknesses that come from their own upbringing and life experiences and, personality traits that make them who they are.
I am reading a book by Melissa Moore called, Whole. I was reading a chapter on forgiveness on Boxing Day. My husband was upset because of something his mother said that he felt was hurtful and inappropriate. I asked him to read that chapter. It seemed to clear the air. The chapter urges people to stop when someone has hurt or angered them and consider the intention of the person, the context in which that person was raised, how their life and belief system were shaped. If you can think of that person as another soul on a journey toward personal growth, you realize that you are also imperfect, a fellow traveller.
Christmas is a time to celebrate but it is also filled with expectations. Whatever conflicts or issues already exist seem to be intensified over the holidays. Stepping back from our expectations, we create space to let each person bring what they can, to show up "as is" and be loved. Everyone needs to belong to a group. On Christmas Day, my mother-in-law was overwhelmed when she received a full stocking (a first for her) and gifts from my mother, her son, the children and myself. She started to cry and we were all taken aback. We asked what was wrong and she just said she felt loved and it was a bit overwhelming. We all stopped what we were doing, even the kids, and gave her a hug.
That one moment transformed Christmas morning for me. I imagined what it must be like to never receive a gift or stocking at Christmas, or to not feel loved or never feel that you belong to any group. I was so moved and it made me grateful for the love in my life. Our daughters watched her in awe. They were so sweet to her, fetching her slippers, bringing a foot stool and offering her candy. I was proud of my girls. Sometimes, you need to be confronted with someone's pain in order to notice the absence of it in your own life. We are so lucky. We have each other, we love one another and only want what's best for everyone.
I am grateful for my mother-in-law. She brought an appreciation of Christmas for us. She gave our daughters an opportunity to be compassionate and helpful. My husband learned to accept her as she is, flawed but still the woman who gave him life. I am grateful for my family. They are kind and loving and I am thrilled to belong them. Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you are all safe, loved and at peace!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label compassion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label compassion. Show all posts
Tuesday, 27 December 2016
Thursday, 8 December 2016
When Mama Needs a Break
December 8th, 2016
I have been reading, Leave Me, by Gayle Forman. This novel tells the story of a woman in her 40s who suffers a heart attack. She is in denial, pushing through her symptoms until her discomfort frightens her. Even after she is told that what she experienced is a heart attack, she refuses to believe it. It can’t be, she is too busy, can’t fit it into her schedule. This can’t be happening to her. This is all too common among women who put themselves last. They think they will go to the doctor’s when they have time but that time never comes.
She is sent home for some respite and finds that she is thrown back into the chaos of life with twin, over scheduled, school-aged children. She has always been the planner, the organizer, the responsible one. Her children, her husband and even her mother all depend on her for strength and leadership. When she realizes that her heart will never heal amidst the stress of her home life, she decides to run away.
I think we have all faced that desire to flee at some point in our journey as mothers. Most of the book describes the new life she develops in Pittsburg. I don’t read many novels but I truly enjoyed this one. As I interview moms for my own book, I hear many stories from overwhelmed moms who are struggling to balance their many responsibilities. Simply booking our interview appointments can be a challenge. I am only available on weekdays while my daughters are in school. I might insert a few interviews on Saturday when my mother comes to watch the children but I generally save that time for my girls. These moms may work during the day or only be available one day a week. Add to that the snow days, PD days, sick days (their children or mine) and you can see how this becomes a challenge.
On Monday, the school buses were not cancelled but I kept my daughters home. The roads did not look friendly to me. There were many accidents on the icy road. I felt grateful that I could be at home with my girls. Once upon a time when I worked as a college professor, I couldn’t have made that decision and, I would be on that icy road commuting to and from campus. I wasn’t able to blog on Monday. My daughters kept me busy.
On Tuesday, I was determined to get my post in before the end of the day. I went out for Christmas shopping with my husband in the morning. He had been shopping online as well. As we returned to the house, I sat at the computer and realized the battery was dead. I plugged it in and got more items off my to-do list. I checked on the computer and it still hadn’t charged. Apparently this is an issue with the latest MAC products. My husband needed the computer to confirm appointments. We checked different outlets and still couldn’t get it to charge. The girls would be home soon. I promised myself to post on the Wednesday, for sure. The computer was charging, finally so no problem.
On Wednesday, I checked that the computer was charged first thing in the morning. It was, oh joy! I took a shower and sat at the desk. My husband had reset the computer and downloaded upgrades in order to decrease the amount of time required to charge the battery. As a result, we had to log in to all our programs. He couldn’t check his order status on Amazon and I couldn’t blog because neither of us knew our passwords. When you go nearly a year of simply opening programs, you get out of the habit of typing your password. I knew I had written it down somewhere. If I could just remember where. Last night, I searched my phone and iPad’s notepads and I found it. So here I am, back on track.
What I’ve learned from other moms is how common it is for us to feel like failures because, even though we are constantly working on something, we don’t feel that we accomplish anything. We end up feeling like a mediocre mom, employee, wife, woman despite our best efforts to be the best mom, employee, wife and woman. There is comfort in the realization that we are not alone, that we are humans and were not designed to be everything to everyone.
If you are a frazzled mom, reading this and nodding knowingly, take a moment today to do something for yourself. Self-care is how you survive and no it’s not selfish, you can’t be your best when you’re running on empty. Here are some ideas based on my own preferences. If you don’t like my list, please create your own.
1-Stop in your favourite coffee shop and get your favourite treat (green tea latte, americano, peanut butter cookie etc).
2-Borrow a book from the library that you can read before bed or at lunch time. If you’re not sure what to read, ask about the library staff’s favourite picks.
3-Soak in a bubble bath with candles and music
4-Sort through your CDs and select a few favourites to listen to on your way to work or just driving around
5-Go for a walk, not to go anywhere in particular, just to get some fresh air, bring the dog if you have one
6-Call someone you’d like to connect with even if you only have ten minutes
7-Pick up a prepared meal instead of making one from scratch and use the extra time to relax or spend quality time with loved ones
8-Prepare a facial with whatever you have in the house (avocado, egg whites, honey, mayonnaise?)
9-Dance around the house to your favourite music
10-Rent a movie or find one on Netflix that all of you could watch together as a family
Enjoy!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 18 November 2016
What Should We Teach Our Children?
November 18th, 2016
A few days ago, I saw a post on Facebook that truly inspired me. I have these fantasies about homeschooling my girls and traveling as a family. I love their school. They have awesome teachers. I have no problems with their experience at school. If they are going to attend school, KPS is my number one choice. However, both my girls beg me to stay home on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. Why? They are both introverts. They hate crowds and loud noises. They feel drained by the end of the day, not from the physical exertion but the strain of togetherness when what they really want is some quite time to draw, read, think and be.
Here is the quote that got me thinking:
"What if... instead of worrying about whether we should give kids gold stars for participating or gold stars for being the best, we involve kids in real world activities where the end result of the activity itself is the reward? Teach them gardening, woodworking, repair skills, fibre arts, sewing, cooking, get them out hiking somewhere with a gorgeous view. Raise animals and have them learn to care about something other than themselves. Have them help out a grandparent or elderly neighbour. Our society has lost sight of what's truly important in life. It's time to find it again". (Grow Food, Not Lawns).
I am convinced that our children would benefit from applying the knowledge they need to retain rather than trying to master information long enough to pass a test. What they learn in school is so abstract. When are they going to use long division? If they spend time in nature, learning about trees, plants, insects and animals, they will naturally feel more grounded and be inclined to protect the environment because they have a relationship with nature, they'll want to preserve it.
I have witnessed the detrimental effect of the school's health curriculum on preteens. We are so focused on avoiding child obesity that we are creating a generation of young girls who count calories and compare the size of their thighs, worrying that they will become obese. Why not teach them how to grow healthy food and eat fruits and veggies? There are no labels and packaging when you shop in your garden or greenhouse. How empowering would it be for children to learn how to prepare tasty, healthy food?
Math can be applied to every day situations from having a budget and shopping for food together, clipping coupons, comparing prices to find the best deal, paying bills, donating to charity and saving up for something special. Cooking and geometry go hand in hand. The same goes for woodworking. You can create many science experiments in your home with cheap materials like baking soda, dish soap and vinegar. Children's can pursue interests such as art, karate, gymnastics during the day rather than at the end of the day when they are exhausted.
What if we taught our children to be compassionate and gave them tools to succeed socially? Identifying and expressing emotions in a constructive way would be a start, coping with stress and anxiety, communicating with peers and adults in a positive way, learning to respect the boundaries of others while creating and enforcing their own. There is so much to learn in life and much of the important skills that make our children into good citizens are not taught. Why is that?
My friend Chris, who is from BC, told me about the elementary school she went to, an agricultural school where farming was included in the curriculum. That is genius! Is anyone else feeling that need to make education hands-on? I have the vision but I have no clue where to start. I'd love to hear some suggestions.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
A few days ago, I saw a post on Facebook that truly inspired me. I have these fantasies about homeschooling my girls and traveling as a family. I love their school. They have awesome teachers. I have no problems with their experience at school. If they are going to attend school, KPS is my number one choice. However, both my girls beg me to stay home on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. Why? They are both introverts. They hate crowds and loud noises. They feel drained by the end of the day, not from the physical exertion but the strain of togetherness when what they really want is some quite time to draw, read, think and be.
Here is the quote that got me thinking:
"What if... instead of worrying about whether we should give kids gold stars for participating or gold stars for being the best, we involve kids in real world activities where the end result of the activity itself is the reward? Teach them gardening, woodworking, repair skills, fibre arts, sewing, cooking, get them out hiking somewhere with a gorgeous view. Raise animals and have them learn to care about something other than themselves. Have them help out a grandparent or elderly neighbour. Our society has lost sight of what's truly important in life. It's time to find it again". (Grow Food, Not Lawns).
I am convinced that our children would benefit from applying the knowledge they need to retain rather than trying to master information long enough to pass a test. What they learn in school is so abstract. When are they going to use long division? If they spend time in nature, learning about trees, plants, insects and animals, they will naturally feel more grounded and be inclined to protect the environment because they have a relationship with nature, they'll want to preserve it.
I have witnessed the detrimental effect of the school's health curriculum on preteens. We are so focused on avoiding child obesity that we are creating a generation of young girls who count calories and compare the size of their thighs, worrying that they will become obese. Why not teach them how to grow healthy food and eat fruits and veggies? There are no labels and packaging when you shop in your garden or greenhouse. How empowering would it be for children to learn how to prepare tasty, healthy food?
Math can be applied to every day situations from having a budget and shopping for food together, clipping coupons, comparing prices to find the best deal, paying bills, donating to charity and saving up for something special. Cooking and geometry go hand in hand. The same goes for woodworking. You can create many science experiments in your home with cheap materials like baking soda, dish soap and vinegar. Children's can pursue interests such as art, karate, gymnastics during the day rather than at the end of the day when they are exhausted.
What if we taught our children to be compassionate and gave them tools to succeed socially? Identifying and expressing emotions in a constructive way would be a start, coping with stress and anxiety, communicating with peers and adults in a positive way, learning to respect the boundaries of others while creating and enforcing their own. There is so much to learn in life and much of the important skills that make our children into good citizens are not taught. Why is that?
My friend Chris, who is from BC, told me about the elementary school she went to, an agricultural school where farming was included in the curriculum. That is genius! Is anyone else feeling that need to make education hands-on? I have the vision but I have no clue where to start. I'd love to hear some suggestions.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 15 June 2016
Call of the Wild
June 15th, 2016
Today was all about nature. I went to Camp Otterdale in Lombardy, Ontario with my daughter and both Grade 4 classes. As we drove up the winding driveway, through lush trees, on a dirt road, we saw rustic wood cabins appear all around us and were greeted by friendly staff. I saw the water up ahead and felt like I'd come home. I love being in the woods, close to water so I was in heaven.
We had such an amazing day! We started with arts and crafts in the cabin closest to the water. I'll let you in on a little secret...I am NOT good at arts and crafts. I am creative and I enjoy painting, sculpting, journalling or collages but making bracelets out of gimp is so not my talent. I was able to watch and learn as camp monitors taught my daughter and her classmates how to make various styles of bracelets-some easy, others very challenging.
I got to watch my daughter try her hand at archery. She needed lots of guidance at first but she did quite well in the end. The students were so excited by this activity. It's much harder than it appears which makes it all the more sweeter when you get the arrow anywhere close to the target. The group then learned an activity called Bouldering. It's like rock climbing but you move sideways across the boulders instead of rising to the top. You can climb all the way around from one side of the wall to the back of the wall-both sides have boulders on them. I loved watching the confidence grow throughout this activity. Initially, students would complain that it was hot out, that they couldn't get a firm grip and that they weren't sure what to do. However, many disappeared behind the wall to practise out of sight only to emerge victorious and full of pride.
We all enjoyed our pizza lunch in the main hall. There were camp songs and a few speeches and then we were off to our walk on the nature trail. The children loved the caterpillars. They collected them and had masses of them draped all over their arms. We learned how to make maple sugar, named the maple trees and the chickens and, enjoyed the walk through the wilderness.
By the time we got home, we felt sun-sucked but satisfied. I picked up my youngest daughter from school. She had a silk worm. She found it in the school yard. She carried it in a sandwich bag until we got home and transferred it to a mason jar with some leaves. She was excited to show everyone her new friend-Squirmy.
After supper, I took the girls to the park. There was a snapping turtle under the swings. She was laying her eggs. There was no one there initially but as word got around, more and more children crowded around the swing set. I called a friend of mine who works at the conservation office. She suggested we just leave the turtle alone. I was intrigued by the reaction of the children playing at the park. They lost all interest in the playground. They just wanted to watch the turtle.
Today has confirmed for me that children belong in nature. They can learn everything they need to in a natural environment and so much more. They can build a chicken coop to practise their math skills. They can journal their observations to use their writing skills. Tasks can be assigned to each student to teach responsibility. Compassion, leadership and team work are taught effortlessly through hands-on activities. This experience has ignited a desire in me to learn as much as I can about the natural world around me-such as the names of insects and plants.
If you are feeling stressed out, drive to the closest wooded area, take your shoes off, walk around, breathe in the fresh air, feel the ground under your feet and absorb the serenity of nature.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today was all about nature. I went to Camp Otterdale in Lombardy, Ontario with my daughter and both Grade 4 classes. As we drove up the winding driveway, through lush trees, on a dirt road, we saw rustic wood cabins appear all around us and were greeted by friendly staff. I saw the water up ahead and felt like I'd come home. I love being in the woods, close to water so I was in heaven.
We had such an amazing day! We started with arts and crafts in the cabin closest to the water. I'll let you in on a little secret...I am NOT good at arts and crafts. I am creative and I enjoy painting, sculpting, journalling or collages but making bracelets out of gimp is so not my talent. I was able to watch and learn as camp monitors taught my daughter and her classmates how to make various styles of bracelets-some easy, others very challenging.
I got to watch my daughter try her hand at archery. She needed lots of guidance at first but she did quite well in the end. The students were so excited by this activity. It's much harder than it appears which makes it all the more sweeter when you get the arrow anywhere close to the target. The group then learned an activity called Bouldering. It's like rock climbing but you move sideways across the boulders instead of rising to the top. You can climb all the way around from one side of the wall to the back of the wall-both sides have boulders on them. I loved watching the confidence grow throughout this activity. Initially, students would complain that it was hot out, that they couldn't get a firm grip and that they weren't sure what to do. However, many disappeared behind the wall to practise out of sight only to emerge victorious and full of pride.
We all enjoyed our pizza lunch in the main hall. There were camp songs and a few speeches and then we were off to our walk on the nature trail. The children loved the caterpillars. They collected them and had masses of them draped all over their arms. We learned how to make maple sugar, named the maple trees and the chickens and, enjoyed the walk through the wilderness.
By the time we got home, we felt sun-sucked but satisfied. I picked up my youngest daughter from school. She had a silk worm. She found it in the school yard. She carried it in a sandwich bag until we got home and transferred it to a mason jar with some leaves. She was excited to show everyone her new friend-Squirmy.
After supper, I took the girls to the park. There was a snapping turtle under the swings. She was laying her eggs. There was no one there initially but as word got around, more and more children crowded around the swing set. I called a friend of mine who works at the conservation office. She suggested we just leave the turtle alone. I was intrigued by the reaction of the children playing at the park. They lost all interest in the playground. They just wanted to watch the turtle.
Today has confirmed for me that children belong in nature. They can learn everything they need to in a natural environment and so much more. They can build a chicken coop to practise their math skills. They can journal their observations to use their writing skills. Tasks can be assigned to each student to teach responsibility. Compassion, leadership and team work are taught effortlessly through hands-on activities. This experience has ignited a desire in me to learn as much as I can about the natural world around me-such as the names of insects and plants.
If you are feeling stressed out, drive to the closest wooded area, take your shoes off, walk around, breathe in the fresh air, feel the ground under your feet and absorb the serenity of nature.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 18 March 2016
Claire Charron
March 18th, 2016
Today is a special day, my mother, Claire Charron, was born 67 years ago today. I will be visiting her with my daughters. We'll bring her back to our home and spend the weekend together. When I was young, I loved my mother because she was my mom. Eventually, I heard about the hardships she had faced when she had me and was pressured to abort me. Needless to say, she chose to keep me but her family and friends rejected her. She faced many years alone, shamed for having a dark child and for being a single mom.
She worked hard to provide a home and to fill our bellies every day. I often tease her about her culinary adventures. We ate Spam, Click, Cam, and mac n cheese without the cheese (she only used a sprinkling of cheese which made it sooo gross). Once in a while, when she was feeling rich, she would buy balony and fry it in a pan, she served it with melted, fried cheddar and a can of corn. It was a gastronomical leap forward and I would dance for joy!
Now that I am older, I love my mom because I recognize that she is a compassionate human being. She doesn't judge people. When I hung out with punk rockers with black, spiked hair and piercings, she treated them with the same respect as anyone else. I watched her working at the reception of a long term care facility. She listened to the stories of the many lonely residents who came to visit her even though she had lots of work to do with multiple deadlines. When she walked away from her desk to deliver important papers to managers, I saw her kneel next to every resident who wanted to talk to her so she could be at eye level with them. She eventually obtained a degree in palliative care and she currently volunteers at Montfort Hospital, sitting with residents who are anxious or lonely. She supports families who are grieving as well.
As a mother, I have a new respect for the challenges she must have faced when she was alone and unprepared for the responsibilities of parenthood. She worked hard and gave me what she could. We went through many experiences together. What I love about my mother is that she loves unconditionally. When I wanted to move to Montreal for my studies, she was very sad. She loved having me with her. However, she encouraged me to go for it. Whenever I make a decision, she supports me and dosent not try to give me advice. As I raise my children, I am sure she doesn't always agree with my approach but she keeps it to herself. She lets me carve out my own path, follow my gut and parent as I see fit.
In my career, she is the first to celebrate my accomplishments and, when I fail, she is there to hear me vent and pray for me. She visits our children every week, draws with them and listens to their stories. She has their art plastered all over her refrigerator. She logs their funny comments in her journal. She loves reading self-help books and is always learning something new.
Today I celebrate my mom for her simplicity, her sense of humour, her unconditional love and compassion. Hope you have a great day mom! I love you!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today is a special day, my mother, Claire Charron, was born 67 years ago today. I will be visiting her with my daughters. We'll bring her back to our home and spend the weekend together. When I was young, I loved my mother because she was my mom. Eventually, I heard about the hardships she had faced when she had me and was pressured to abort me. Needless to say, she chose to keep me but her family and friends rejected her. She faced many years alone, shamed for having a dark child and for being a single mom.
She worked hard to provide a home and to fill our bellies every day. I often tease her about her culinary adventures. We ate Spam, Click, Cam, and mac n cheese without the cheese (she only used a sprinkling of cheese which made it sooo gross). Once in a while, when she was feeling rich, she would buy balony and fry it in a pan, she served it with melted, fried cheddar and a can of corn. It was a gastronomical leap forward and I would dance for joy!
Now that I am older, I love my mom because I recognize that she is a compassionate human being. She doesn't judge people. When I hung out with punk rockers with black, spiked hair and piercings, she treated them with the same respect as anyone else. I watched her working at the reception of a long term care facility. She listened to the stories of the many lonely residents who came to visit her even though she had lots of work to do with multiple deadlines. When she walked away from her desk to deliver important papers to managers, I saw her kneel next to every resident who wanted to talk to her so she could be at eye level with them. She eventually obtained a degree in palliative care and she currently volunteers at Montfort Hospital, sitting with residents who are anxious or lonely. She supports families who are grieving as well.
As a mother, I have a new respect for the challenges she must have faced when she was alone and unprepared for the responsibilities of parenthood. She worked hard and gave me what she could. We went through many experiences together. What I love about my mother is that she loves unconditionally. When I wanted to move to Montreal for my studies, she was very sad. She loved having me with her. However, she encouraged me to go for it. Whenever I make a decision, she supports me and dosent not try to give me advice. As I raise my children, I am sure she doesn't always agree with my approach but she keeps it to herself. She lets me carve out my own path, follow my gut and parent as I see fit.
In my career, she is the first to celebrate my accomplishments and, when I fail, she is there to hear me vent and pray for me. She visits our children every week, draws with them and listens to their stories. She has their art plastered all over her refrigerator. She logs their funny comments in her journal. She loves reading self-help books and is always learning something new.
Today I celebrate my mom for her simplicity, her sense of humour, her unconditional love and compassion. Hope you have a great day mom! I love you!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 8 March 2016
Book of the Week-Happiness The Mindful Way: a practical guide by Ken A. Verni
March 5th, 2016
My husband gave me a gift card for Indigo books on Valentine's Day. I really want to be a more focused, grounded, mindful person so when I visited the Indigo store in Barrhaven, I was searching for a book on mindfulness. Some of you may be thinking, you don't need a book about mindfulness, just sit down, be quiet and listen to your breath. This is true but my brain is more receptive to information presented in books. I absorb the information and then I am able to apply it. So, I got a book.
Happiness the Mindful Way is a very thorough book. I chose it because, when I looked at the Table of Contents, I knew I would learn something new.
The book teaches the basics of mindfulness. You learn to switch from doing (which we do most of the time in our race to get everything crossed off our "to-do" lists) to being (as in present in this moment). Ken Verni talks about the importance of acknowledging our thoughts then learning to sweep them away with an imaginary broom. For children, he suggests imagining that they are cats watching a mouse hole, each thought that pops up is a mouse and must be swatted. I like that metaphor.
Next, he turns to emotions and explains that we can notice the emotion and allow it to pass through us without identifying with it. We accept it with compassion. He provides a variety of ways to deal with stress, recognizing triggers and patterns. He also examines our concept of happiness and warns us that we often define our happiness as achieving some fantasy that we project into the future. This prevents us from recognizing happiness in our current life.
Then we learned a variety of mindfulness meditation techniques from focusing on the breath, concentrating on an object, noticing sensations with our five senses, scanning our body, walking meditation, becoming a sturdy mountain and, my new favorite, loving kindness meditation.
I just had a very busy week, preparing for a workshop with 25 teenagers while translation a newsletter for the Canadian Art Therapy Association. I was having issues with technology. You may notice typos as I have been unable to switch my computer back to English. I was very stressed. I tried getting five minutes of mindful breathing into the start of my day and focusing on gratitude through my Gratitude Jar which I started in January. However, the most helpful thing I did was try Loving Kindness meditation.
You start by sitting comfortably and focusing on your breath then you think to yourself: "May I experience loving kindness for myself. May I enjoy happiness, health and peace". That's it, you just sit with these two sentences in your mind and breathe. I felt so much more positive and at peace. The goal is to then entend this wish to others starting with people you love the most, then acquaintances and finally, people you do not like. I used it when my husband was behaving in a way I did not understand. I sent him love and my feelings eased up. Can you imagine how much better our world would be (or, on a smaller scale, our community) if everyone practised this meditation on a daily basis?
Here are the most helpful tips I learned from this book:
You can be mindful anywhere (sitting in a chair, taking your shower, driving somewhere)
Intruding thoughts and strong emotions should not be repressed, embrace them and let them go
Send love to yourself as often as you can, it makes you a better person, more compassionate
Send love to others, including people you don't like, it releases you from the energy that bonds you to them.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul@ripnet.com
My husband gave me a gift card for Indigo books on Valentine's Day. I really want to be a more focused, grounded, mindful person so when I visited the Indigo store in Barrhaven, I was searching for a book on mindfulness. Some of you may be thinking, you don't need a book about mindfulness, just sit down, be quiet and listen to your breath. This is true but my brain is more receptive to information presented in books. I absorb the information and then I am able to apply it. So, I got a book.
Happiness the Mindful Way is a very thorough book. I chose it because, when I looked at the Table of Contents, I knew I would learn something new.
The book teaches the basics of mindfulness. You learn to switch from doing (which we do most of the time in our race to get everything crossed off our "to-do" lists) to being (as in present in this moment). Ken Verni talks about the importance of acknowledging our thoughts then learning to sweep them away with an imaginary broom. For children, he suggests imagining that they are cats watching a mouse hole, each thought that pops up is a mouse and must be swatted. I like that metaphor.
Next, he turns to emotions and explains that we can notice the emotion and allow it to pass through us without identifying with it. We accept it with compassion. He provides a variety of ways to deal with stress, recognizing triggers and patterns. He also examines our concept of happiness and warns us that we often define our happiness as achieving some fantasy that we project into the future. This prevents us from recognizing happiness in our current life.
Then we learned a variety of mindfulness meditation techniques from focusing on the breath, concentrating on an object, noticing sensations with our five senses, scanning our body, walking meditation, becoming a sturdy mountain and, my new favorite, loving kindness meditation.
I just had a very busy week, preparing for a workshop with 25 teenagers while translation a newsletter for the Canadian Art Therapy Association. I was having issues with technology. You may notice typos as I have been unable to switch my computer back to English. I was very stressed. I tried getting five minutes of mindful breathing into the start of my day and focusing on gratitude through my Gratitude Jar which I started in January. However, the most helpful thing I did was try Loving Kindness meditation.
You start by sitting comfortably and focusing on your breath then you think to yourself: "May I experience loving kindness for myself. May I enjoy happiness, health and peace". That's it, you just sit with these two sentences in your mind and breathe. I felt so much more positive and at peace. The goal is to then entend this wish to others starting with people you love the most, then acquaintances and finally, people you do not like. I used it when my husband was behaving in a way I did not understand. I sent him love and my feelings eased up. Can you imagine how much better our world would be (or, on a smaller scale, our community) if everyone practised this meditation on a daily basis?
Here are the most helpful tips I learned from this book:
You can be mindful anywhere (sitting in a chair, taking your shower, driving somewhere)
Intruding thoughts and strong emotions should not be repressed, embrace them and let them go
Send love to yourself as often as you can, it makes you a better person, more compassionate
Send love to others, including people you don't like, it releases you from the energy that bonds you to them.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul@ripnet.com
Friday, 26 February 2016
I Do
February 25th, 2016
Growing up, you read fairy tales about princesses who are beautiful-birds landing on their outstretched index finger and cute forest creatures gathering to hear them sing. The princess is in trouble, usually because of a step mother or evil witch who covets the princess's beauty. The princess nearly dies but her prince saves her. In the nick of time, he swoops in on his white horse and battles the dragon or kisses her lips and revives her. Then, of course, they live happily ever after. There is never a sequel. What does it mean to live happily ever after? What would that look like?
As a young girl, you idealize your dad. He is your prince. He is strong, he protects you and loves you. You draw him pictures and hug him tight, holding onto his neck. You feel safe. As a young woman, when you like a guy, you project your fantasies onto him. Is he THE ONE?
There are so many beginnings to a relationship: hot, blind and fiery, you just love exploring each other's bodies but you really know nothing about each other (less talking, more kissing), friends first, you develop feelings for a guy friend and have to get through the awkward stage of "Oh My God, this is my friend I'm kissing", love-at-first-sight, you meet a total stranger and feel like you've come home, everything feels familiar and right about this person or, hate-lust, couples who start out as archenemies until, one day, during one of their arguments, there is a kiss, followed by bliss. They fight and make-up over and over again and, they wouldn't have it any other way. There are plenty more ways to get started but, you get the point.
So, what happens next? Eventually, things get more serious, they stop seeing other people, they move in together and, eventually commit (maybe through marriage or just an agreement). Sometimes, immediately after the commitment, one of the partners panics and attempts to sabotage it (I'm trapped, can't breathe). There can be a long stretch of time where both parties feel safe, comfortable, proud and hopeful for the future.
If you have children, things get a little tricky. You have a fantasy in your mind of what that will be like, so does he. Do they match? Do you understand each other's expectations? You imagine yourself getting pregnant right away, calling everyone to share the great news, you look radiant, you and the baby are healthy, your partner is interested in going to every appointment and hearing all the details of your pregnancy, the baby comes on its due date, you squat and push that baby out in record time, you hold your baby in your arms and you are the picture of motherhood, your newborn latches on perfectly, sleeps through the night, a swarm of visitors come to see you and the baby, your husband exudes love and pride as he looks into your eyes, your life is exactly the same as before except you bring the baby along. Cue the sound of the needle scratching the record. If you have children, you recognize the sarcasm here. Things rarely happen perfectly. You may not conceive, throw up for the first semester, go through complications, experience a hellish childbirth, have trouble breastfeeding or end up with a colicky baby. This is real life.
This is where your relationship grows. You need each other. There are challenges and you must figure out how to get through them. Four months of sleepless nights were not part of the fairytale. I don't recall the stretch marks and mood swings being in there either. So there you are, two people who love each other but who are being tested. You may both be tired, worried and stressed. How will you handle this? Will you blame your partner, leave, have an affair, work late or communicate, come up with a plan and tackle this together? Maybe you'll try all of these until you find what works.
You may not have any children. You meet someone, become a couple, work, travel, entertain friends and enjoy leisure activities together. Life will still present a few hurdles to strengthen your relationship. You lose your job, his mother becomes ill, the in-laws are intrusive or you just get bored after a few years. Each of you wonders: "Is this it"? Once again, you have a choice. How will you face the challenge? Will you remember that you're on the same team? It's scary when times get rough. You think about the divorce statistics, you worry that you won't make it. Will things get better or is this the end?
My husband and I will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary in August. We have two amazing daughters, ages 10 and 7. His business is thriving. I have changed jobs and now work from home. We are in such a good place right now. However, we have been through our share of issues and there were times I'm sure we both wanted to punch each other's brains out. We each had some baggage and every conflict caused us to unpack a bit at a time. We know our triggers and patterns. We have seen each other at our worst but also witnessed our strength, devotion and compassion. We have our date night every week and we spend time together when the girls are in school. We still make each other laugh, pushing the boundaries until one of us says: "OK that's enough, this has gone too far". I love him in a completely different way. I used to look at him, the way he dressed, the spikes in his hair, his goatee, his green eyes, I loved the way he held my hand or acted silly in public, I enjoyed working out together then eating delicious vietnamese food or watching him at work, so skilled and competent.
My favourite moments now are watching him show our youngest how to start a terrific fire in the fireplace or how to cook delicious soup. I love seeing our eldest cuddle up with him and tell him about her day. The girls love his silliness and the way he throws them into the pool in the summer. I love hearing them squeal with delight as they run down the hallway when he makes monster noises and chases them. It feels good to eat supper together, walk the dog as a family or go out for ice cream. I still enjoy watching him work, we hold hands every night as we relax in front of the tv before bed, we never run out of jokes and we eat vietnamese food weekly.
We need longer fairy tales to teach us what real relationships look like when two people agree to love one another, even when it's hard. To show young people what it feels like to get to the other side, stronger, humbler and, more compassionate.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Growing up, you read fairy tales about princesses who are beautiful-birds landing on their outstretched index finger and cute forest creatures gathering to hear them sing. The princess is in trouble, usually because of a step mother or evil witch who covets the princess's beauty. The princess nearly dies but her prince saves her. In the nick of time, he swoops in on his white horse and battles the dragon or kisses her lips and revives her. Then, of course, they live happily ever after. There is never a sequel. What does it mean to live happily ever after? What would that look like?
As a young girl, you idealize your dad. He is your prince. He is strong, he protects you and loves you. You draw him pictures and hug him tight, holding onto his neck. You feel safe. As a young woman, when you like a guy, you project your fantasies onto him. Is he THE ONE?
There are so many beginnings to a relationship: hot, blind and fiery, you just love exploring each other's bodies but you really know nothing about each other (less talking, more kissing), friends first, you develop feelings for a guy friend and have to get through the awkward stage of "Oh My God, this is my friend I'm kissing", love-at-first-sight, you meet a total stranger and feel like you've come home, everything feels familiar and right about this person or, hate-lust, couples who start out as archenemies until, one day, during one of their arguments, there is a kiss, followed by bliss. They fight and make-up over and over again and, they wouldn't have it any other way. There are plenty more ways to get started but, you get the point.
So, what happens next? Eventually, things get more serious, they stop seeing other people, they move in together and, eventually commit (maybe through marriage or just an agreement). Sometimes, immediately after the commitment, one of the partners panics and attempts to sabotage it (I'm trapped, can't breathe). There can be a long stretch of time where both parties feel safe, comfortable, proud and hopeful for the future.
If you have children, things get a little tricky. You have a fantasy in your mind of what that will be like, so does he. Do they match? Do you understand each other's expectations? You imagine yourself getting pregnant right away, calling everyone to share the great news, you look radiant, you and the baby are healthy, your partner is interested in going to every appointment and hearing all the details of your pregnancy, the baby comes on its due date, you squat and push that baby out in record time, you hold your baby in your arms and you are the picture of motherhood, your newborn latches on perfectly, sleeps through the night, a swarm of visitors come to see you and the baby, your husband exudes love and pride as he looks into your eyes, your life is exactly the same as before except you bring the baby along. Cue the sound of the needle scratching the record. If you have children, you recognize the sarcasm here. Things rarely happen perfectly. You may not conceive, throw up for the first semester, go through complications, experience a hellish childbirth, have trouble breastfeeding or end up with a colicky baby. This is real life.
This is where your relationship grows. You need each other. There are challenges and you must figure out how to get through them. Four months of sleepless nights were not part of the fairytale. I don't recall the stretch marks and mood swings being in there either. So there you are, two people who love each other but who are being tested. You may both be tired, worried and stressed. How will you handle this? Will you blame your partner, leave, have an affair, work late or communicate, come up with a plan and tackle this together? Maybe you'll try all of these until you find what works.
You may not have any children. You meet someone, become a couple, work, travel, entertain friends and enjoy leisure activities together. Life will still present a few hurdles to strengthen your relationship. You lose your job, his mother becomes ill, the in-laws are intrusive or you just get bored after a few years. Each of you wonders: "Is this it"? Once again, you have a choice. How will you face the challenge? Will you remember that you're on the same team? It's scary when times get rough. You think about the divorce statistics, you worry that you won't make it. Will things get better or is this the end?
My husband and I will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary in August. We have two amazing daughters, ages 10 and 7. His business is thriving. I have changed jobs and now work from home. We are in such a good place right now. However, we have been through our share of issues and there were times I'm sure we both wanted to punch each other's brains out. We each had some baggage and every conflict caused us to unpack a bit at a time. We know our triggers and patterns. We have seen each other at our worst but also witnessed our strength, devotion and compassion. We have our date night every week and we spend time together when the girls are in school. We still make each other laugh, pushing the boundaries until one of us says: "OK that's enough, this has gone too far". I love him in a completely different way. I used to look at him, the way he dressed, the spikes in his hair, his goatee, his green eyes, I loved the way he held my hand or acted silly in public, I enjoyed working out together then eating delicious vietnamese food or watching him at work, so skilled and competent.
My favourite moments now are watching him show our youngest how to start a terrific fire in the fireplace or how to cook delicious soup. I love seeing our eldest cuddle up with him and tell him about her day. The girls love his silliness and the way he throws them into the pool in the summer. I love hearing them squeal with delight as they run down the hallway when he makes monster noises and chases them. It feels good to eat supper together, walk the dog as a family or go out for ice cream. I still enjoy watching him work, we hold hands every night as we relax in front of the tv before bed, we never run out of jokes and we eat vietnamese food weekly.
We need longer fairy tales to teach us what real relationships look like when two people agree to love one another, even when it's hard. To show young people what it feels like to get to the other side, stronger, humbler and, more compassionate.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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