When Mama Needs a Break

December 8th, 2016

I have been reading, Leave Me, by Gayle Forman. This novel tells the story of a woman in her 40s who suffers a heart attack. She is in denial, pushing through her symptoms until her discomfort frightens her. Even after she is told that what she experienced is a heart attack, she refuses to believe it. It can’t be, she is too busy, can’t fit it into her schedule. This can’t be happening to her. This is all too common among women who put themselves last. They think they will go to the doctor’s when they have time but that time never comes. 

She is sent home for some respite and finds that she is thrown back into the chaos of life with twin, over scheduled, school-aged children. She has always been the planner, the organizer, the responsible one. Her children, her husband and even her mother all depend on her for strength and leadership. When she realizes that her heart will never heal amidst the stress of her home life, she decides to run away. 

I think we have all faced that desire to flee at some point in our journey as mothers. Most of the book describes the new life she develops in Pittsburg. I don’t read many novels but I truly enjoyed this one. As I interview moms for my own book, I hear many stories from overwhelmed moms who are struggling to balance their many responsibilities. Simply booking our interview appointments can be a challenge. I am only available on weekdays while my daughters are in school. I might insert a few interviews on Saturday when my mother comes to watch the children but I generally save that time for my girls. These moms may work during the day or only be available one day a week. Add to that the snow days, PD days, sick days (their children or mine) and you can see how this becomes a challenge.

On Monday, the school buses were not cancelled but I kept my daughters home. The roads did not look friendly to me. There were many accidents on the icy road. I felt grateful that I could be at home with my girls. Once upon a time when I worked as a college professor, I couldn’t have made that decision and, I would be on that icy road commuting to and from campus. I wasn’t able to blog on Monday. My daughters kept me busy. 

On Tuesday, I was determined to get my post in before the end of the day. I went out for Christmas shopping with my husband in the morning. He had been shopping online as well. As we returned to the house, I sat at the computer and realized the battery was dead. I plugged it in and got more items off my to-do list. I checked on the computer and it still hadn’t charged. Apparently this is an issue with the latest MAC products. My husband needed the computer to confirm appointments. We checked different outlets and still couldn’t get it to charge. The girls would be home soon. I promised myself to post on the Wednesday, for sure. The computer was charging, finally so no problem.

On Wednesday, I checked that the computer was charged first thing in the morning. It was, oh joy! I took a shower and sat at the desk. My husband had reset the computer and downloaded upgrades in order to decrease the amount of time required to charge the battery. As a result, we had to log in to all our programs. He couldn’t check his order status on Amazon and I couldn’t blog because neither of us knew our passwords. When you go nearly a year of simply opening programs, you get out of the habit of typing your password. I knew I had written it down somewhere. If I could just remember where. Last night, I searched my phone and iPad’s notepads and I found it. So here I am, back on track. 

What I’ve learned from other moms is how common it is for us to feel like failures because, even though we are constantly working on something, we don’t feel that we accomplish anything. We end up feeling like a mediocre mom, employee, wife, woman despite our best efforts to be the best mom, employee, wife and woman. There is comfort in the realization that we are not alone, that we are humans and were not designed to be everything to everyone. 

If you are a frazzled mom, reading this and nodding knowingly, take a moment today to do something for yourself. Self-care is how you survive and no it’s not selfish, you can’t be your best when you’re running on empty. Here are some ideas based on my own preferences. If you don’t like my list, please create your own.

1-Stop in your favourite coffee shop and get your favourite treat (green tea latte, americano, peanut butter cookie etc). 

2-Borrow a book from the library that you can read before bed or at lunch time. If you’re not sure what to read, ask about the library staff’s favourite picks.

3-Soak in a bubble bath with candles and music

4-Sort through your CDs and select a few favourites to listen to on your way to work or just driving around

5-Go for a walk, not to go anywhere in particular, just to get some fresh air, bring the dog if you have one

6-Call someone you’d like to connect with even if you only have ten minutes

7-Pick up a prepared meal instead of making one from scratch and use the extra time to relax or spend quality time with loved ones

8-Prepare a facial with whatever you have in the house (avocado, egg whites, honey, mayonnaise?)

9-Dance around the house to your favourite music

10-Rent a movie or find one on Netflix that all of you could watch together as a family

Enjoy!

Anne Walsh

www.artnsoul.org

The mother of all stories; local author seeks moms willing to contribute to book

November 4th, 2016

Jennifer Westendorp from The Kemptville Advance, wrote this article about my book in order to get more moms to step forward and share their stories. Thank you Jennifer! If you know any mother who would like to share her story, please send her my way.

http://www.insideottawavalley.com/community-story/6945860-the-mother-of-all-stories-local-author-seeks-moms-willing-to-contribute-to-book/

The mother of all stories; local author seeks moms willing to contribute to book
Every mother has a story to tell; of love, heartbreak, exclusion, judgement, friendship, frustration, pure joy, insomnia or guilt. Mothers have been through it all.

Local author and art therapist Anne Walsh has set out on a mission to gather these stories and compile them into a book all mothers can relate to.

And she wants your help.

“I am writing a book called Mommy Monologues, which is basically a book about motherhood,” explained Walsh.

Working as an art therapist has shown here that often mothers feel alone.

“Mommy’s have monologues running through their heads; I didn’t make it to an activity at my child’s school, I wasn’t there for them, I didn’t get this done, my child doesn’t have their boots on like everyone else, they left without mittens.”

Motherhood has become a competitive sport, said Walsh.

“Where there is competition, there is no vulnerability, so people don’t see you need support. Meanwhile, people are struggling and nobody knows.”

The goal of the book is to break through the barrier of taboo; to show struggling doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom.

“I want to show the variety of mommy monologues,” said Walsh. “To show moms they are not alone.”

When you think about motherhood, you see images of the ‘soccer mom’ or ‘working mom,’ she explained.

“There are so many more varieties out there; moms who adopted, moms who are gay, moms with addiction issues, moms with mental health issues or who have kids with mental health issues. There are all these different types of moms out there with no community. All they see are moms who are able-bodied and not struggling, so they feel isolated.”

“What I want to do is interview all these moms,” she continued. “I am looking for moms from all walks of life. I want to hear it all. My goal is for every mother to be able to pick up this book and be able to find her story.”

Walsh, who has interviewed 10 moms so far, hopes to include stories from about 100.

“I’ve talked to many moms about this and a lot of them say ‘oh, you wouldn’t want my story in your book.’ They don’t feel like they are good enough to be included. I want to honour all stories by putting them in the book. No story is insignificant.”

If you are interested in sharing your story with Walsh, email her directly at artnsoul@ripnet.com or send her a message on Facebook. People who participate do not have to use their real name in the book.


Jennifer Westendorp is the reporter for the Kemptville Advance. She studied journalism-print at Algonquin College. Her interests include reading, writing and being outdoors.

Positive Changes Through Empowering Beliefs

November 1st, 2016

A few weeks ago, I saw a trailer for E-Motion, a documentary. It reveals how our emotions can make us sick. If we hang onto our emotions, they hold us back from realizing our full potential as human beings. We may repeat old patterns in our new relationships, sabotage promising career opportunities or fill our pantry with junk food when our intention was to fill our refrigerator with healthy produce. When we experience a strong negative experience or trauma, our emotions are stored in our body, locked in there until we learn to release them. Our bodies are therefore stuck in the past, convinced that we are still living under the same circumstances when we know consciously that we have moved on, that we are safe and that we can choose to live better lives.

I wasn't able to download the movie but I did check out one of the professionals featured in this documentary, Joe Dispenza. He has published a book titled, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. I discovered that he was a speaker on Ted Talks and I was able to listen to his speech. He explains that we have three brains; a thinking brain (our neocortex), a doing brain (the limbic system) and, a being brain (the cerebellum).

As we have experiences, meet new people, read books and listen to public speakers, our thinking brain creates new connections. Over time we learn something, our brain changes. The nerve cells that fire together as we process new information, form a network. These cells create a pattern of reactions. This new information will change your behaviour. Your five senses will process this new experience and release chemicals, attaching an emotion to it. We all do this in January when we start off the new year with great intentions. We promise to drink more water, eat lots of fruit and veggies and hit the gym three days a week. What happens?

When we are stressed, our bodies are out of balance. Our bodies believe our thoughts and more chemicals are released. Our bodies don't know if our thoughts are reflecting reality or not. "When we turn on the stress response and are unable to turn it off, we're headed for disease" says Dispenza.

Dispenza described a process called metacognition. This is what happens during mindful meditation. We are aware of our behaviour, observing it with detachment. This allows us to gain awareness and perceive what behaviours need to be modified if we are to live fuller lives. In order to change our behaviours and make better choices, we must silence old circuits, disband neural connections and create new ones.

As you change your patterns of thinking, the image you hold in your mind about your life, your relationships and your work is changed as are your intentions. When you introduce new connections, the old patterns will be threatened and attempt to sabotage these new links creating doubt in your mind with negative self-talk. However, if you consistently make choices and act according to the newer connections, the bond between neurones will strengthen and the old connections will dissolve. This requires much repetition. These new behaviours will set off positive chemicals leading to a sense of well-being. Once these new patterns become innate, they are integrated into your self-concept. They become a part of who you are.

Let's apply this. Pick an area of your life that is stressful; a relationship, your work or something about your self-image. In the centre of a page, write down the stressful relationship, thought or situation. Draw lines stemming from the centre, extending outward and at the end of each line, write a belief that is attached to this source of stress. Link situations from your past that may have contributed to the creation of these beliefs. Were you teased as a child? Did you feel rejected, like an outsider? Do you avoid meeting new people in order to protect yourself from rejection and pain? Once you recall a few situations that were painful and that shaped your negative beliefs about yourself, get very still and ask yourself where this experience is stored in your body. When you can visualize the wound, breathe through it and release it. You may need to cry or yell, breathe deeply many times, punch a pillow, paint a body outline and fill it with soothing colours, create a vision board of how your life would change if you surrendered this belief or talk it though with a trusted friend or therapist. Next step is my favourite, you decide what beliefs will replace the outdated ones. You support these beliefs with proof. Explore your life and come up with as much proof as possible that these new beliefs are valid. If this is challenging, ask a friend to help. Then, act as if you were a different person with empowering beliefs. As you act in ways that support your new self-image, it will become natural. You may need to fake it at first but you will eventually be living this new reality.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Book of the Week-Living an Inspired Life

October 21st, 2016

I just finished reading Wayne Dyer's, Living an Inspired Life. I always enjoy his books, they make me think and, sometimes, after his book has changed the way I see things, my life is better. Every improvement of my mind, leads to a higher quality of relationship with my loved ones and with the state of my life in general.

In this book, Wayne shows us what an inspired life looks and feels like, providing examples from his own life and from other mentors. You take some time to be quiet and to connect with your Source, every day. You have a plan for your life and you are open to signs and synchronicity that steer you in the right direction. You value your health so you make time to nourish your body, rest and spend time with other high energy individuals. You hold onto your vision for your life without becoming attached to outcome or led by your ego. You know that your Source knows what you need and you search for the clues to the next step. You also recognize that all people and experiences are intended to move you forward on your path.

Wayne reminds us that we are each a piece of that Source, that we are connected, powerful and creative. He warns against judging others, dismissing their role in our life and holding back the forgiveness that may set us free. He suggests that we protect our vision for our life from the scrutiny and criticism of others. We also need to avoid media, entertainment and people who expose us to violence, hatred and fear. This pulls us away from our Source.

We are also guided to see our bodies as healthy because that is our normal state. We are bombarded with messages by media that encourage us to worry about our health. There is a pill for every ailment and we are told that 1 in 10 or 2 out of 5 will get this ailment, leading to fear and dis-ease. As we align with Source through time spent alone in silence, we may need to make changes in our lives. In order for our life to bloom, we may need to correct some of our behaviours (addiction, negativity etc) and end some relationships or change employment.

We can move in the direction of our inspired life by noticing what excites us and taking action in that direction. We don't always know how we will get there but if we say yes to life, follow our intuition and simplify our life, we will be moving in the right direction. Wayne encourages us to retrieve our child spirit: joyful, trusting, playful and full of hope and surrender our ego. The ego restricts us because we are working for the payoff, we want the reward and acknowledgement. In order to get out of our ego and into spirit, we can practise giving generously to others without any expectations. We must declutter our schedule as well as our space because there will be no room for inspiration if our minds are full and our life is hectic. That is why it is wise to slow down, do what we enjoy, spend time in the service of others, connect in nature and take small steps, recognizing opportunities as they come your way.

Obviously, this is an ideal way of life but, just making any adjustment in this direction can lead to more joy, peace and fulfilment.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Book of the Week-Love Warrior

October 3rd, 2016

My mother and I met at Bayshore last Thursday. She told me she was done reading this book so I could have it. I was in the middle of another book but she said there was no rush, "Just take the book and read it when you have time". I was intrigued by this book.  I started reading it that very afternoon.

What a roller coaster ride! I couldn't put it down. It is a memoir, the real story of Glennon who has a perfect childhood and finds herself disconnecting from her body at the age of ten. She numbs herself with food and develops an eating disorder. She numbs herself with alcohol and later drugs. She also has sex without any connection to her body or the people who are using it.

No one is able to reach her and help her until she gets pregnant. This is a turning point for her. She never loved herself enough to take care of herself but she can stop drinking and drugging in order to ensure a healthy pregnancy. Her boyfriend marries her. They have a few decent years in the cocoon of their family. Then, they grow apart as they each pull away from the other. When she finds out that her husband has betrayed her, Glennon must decide whether she will ever trust him again and if she even wants to try.

As Glennon and her husband work on their relationship, we learn a great deal about what it means to be authentic, to be real with one another. Glenn takes us along on her exploration of who she is and her discovery of what it means to be someone's intimate partner. She learns to love and accept herself and shed her masks. She connects with her body and discovers intimacy.

This is a truly brave, raw, honest look at her relationship with her Self, her Source, her children and her husband. It is inspiring because what she learns is something we can all apply to our lives and relationships. Here is what I have learned from Glennon:

1-Breathe and pay attention to the still voice inside you
2-You are loved and perfect as you are, nothing you can do will make you more loveable or less loveable
3-When you enter a relationship, both of you are loved and perfect, you can help each other grow by communicating honestly with each other and being present to one another
4-You need to identify your needs, respect them, take care of yourself and, ask your partner for what you need from him/her
5-You can be real and leave your representative (fake self behind)
6-You are a soul, a mind and a body, embrace all three aspects of yourself
7-When something happens to someone, the best thing you can do is acknowledge their pain and offer to be present (not fix or compare to someone else's story)
8-Be prepared to fully live this life, this means you will experience pain at times but you are a Warrior and you will survive it
9-Teach your children that they are loved and perfect as they are, show them how to express love in the world
10-We all suffer, don't pretend with others, be real and they can be real with you, no need to be lonely, reach out and tell the truth

This is one of those books that I inhaled. I will need to go over it again, slowly, because there is so much to learn from it. I feel inspired! If you are looking for a life-changing book, read this one.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Book of the Week-Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

September 6th, 2016

My mother bought me the new Harry Potter book for my birthday. I was excited to read it but I thought I would save it until the girls were back in school as a special treat. One day, I was having a bad day. I had cabin fever and wanted to go out. It was a beautiful day. My husband was at work. My daughters were playing in their room and did not want to change out of their pyjamas to go anywhere. I was grumpy. I had read reviews of the new Harry Potter book, dampening my excitement. I learned that it was written as a play and that some people were disappointed. I decided to start the book. My rationale was that it would be a shame to save the book until September 6th only to be let down.

I thought I would read one chapter, just a sneak peek. Well, I couldn't put it down. I read the entire book within a few days, staying up late, getting up early. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The book is written as a play but you get used to it after a few chapters, once you know the characters.

I remember the thrill of reading the very first Harry Potter novel. A young boy, orphaned, hated by his relatives, neglected and abused, who finds out he is special and is taken to a place where he belongs. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child felt like starting over again. We find out which characters from the first book end up together and we meet their children. Harry's son picks up where his dad left off and the adventure continues.

Another aspect of this book that I enjoyed was time travel. As Potter and his friend try to correct a mistake from the past, they realize that everything happens for a reason. Each change to the past leads to a significantly altered reality in the present, generally not a positive one. Rowling has weaved in some important themes-the reputations we inherit from our parents, the complex relationship betweens parents and their children as they grow up and, the desire to prove oneself through some kind of rite of passage.

I generally favour self-help books but this novel was a refreshing change. Rather than analyze my life, the relationships I have with those around me, my personality, purpose or conflicts, I was transported into another world. Reading fiction stimulates your imagination. It provides a break from everyday life and, a distraction from any worries. Instead, you let the author take you on a journey. You feel various emotions, learn different points of view and are exposed to new ideas.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and was not at all disappointed. I am currently reading a spiritual, self-help book, I can't help in, I am drawn to them. However, I am grateful for the adventure that this work of fiction has provided for me.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

10-10-10 and Decision Making

July 15th, 2016

This is my last blog until August 1st. I will not be writing during my mother-in-law's visit to our home.

I have been reading about a decision making technique called 10-10-10. When you have important decisions to make in your life, you ask yourself what impact your decision will have in ten minutes from now, in ten months and in ten years.

This seems simple but, as the book describes, it forces you to examine your values. I know that for myself, life changed after having my daughters. My goals were no longer the same. Therefore, I had to identify my new values in order to make a satisfying decision. I knew that I wanted to be present for my daughters, married to my husband into old age and healthy enough to enjoy my life. Those values are what led me to leave a well-paying, toxic job to stay home with my daughters. Those values guided me when I decided to work through every single issue that arose between my husband and I.

We all have different values based on our upbringing, our experiences and our temperament therefore the same decision will not have the same outcome for two different people.

This past week, when a friend's husband suddenly passed away, I was shaken. I thought about my days spent cleaning the house instead of playing with my children. I reconsidered my food choices and lack of exercise. What if I had a heart attack too. Would it be worth it just to eat those chips or that cinnamon roll? I imagine myself growing old, fit and active in my community. I always see myself as an elderly woman, doing yoga, barefoot, on a beach. That's not going to happen if I'm stuffing my face with salty and sweet treats.

Whether your decision is about work, love, parenting, health or personal growth, the 10-10-10 formula will take your values into consideration and force you to look at the big picture. Author Suzy Welch, presents a variety of case studies and shows the reader how analyzing the short term and long term consequences of a decision allows people to gain some distance from the situation, explain the decisions to others and involve them in the decision making process.

Try it out for yourself. Think about a decision that has been weighing you down. Create a general list of your values. Then, consider the impact of your decision in ten minutes, ten months and ten years. To me, the ten years timeline is always the telling part. It's helpful to describe the ten year scenario in writing, to feel what that outcome would be like and create a collage.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

10-10-10 and Decision Making

July 15th, 2016

This is my last blog until August 1st. I will not be writing during my mother-in-law's visit to our home.

I have been reading about a decision making technique called 10-10-10. When you have important decisions to make in your life, you ask yourself what impact your decision will have in ten minutes from now, in ten months and in ten years.

This seems simple but, as the book describes, it forces you to examine your values. I know that for myself, life changed after having my daughters. My goals were no longer the same. Therefore, I had to identify my new values in order to make a satisfying decision. I knew that I wanted to be present for my daughters, married to my husband into old age and healthy enough to enjoy my life. Those values are what led me to leave a well-paying, toxic job to stay home with my daughters. Those values guided me when I decided to work through every single issue that arose between my husband and I.

We all have different values based on our upbringing, our experiences and our temperament therefore the same decision will not have the same outcome for two different people.

This past week, when a friend's husband suddenly passed away, I was shaken. I thought about my days spent cleaning the house instead of playing with my children. I reconsidered my food choices and lack of exercise. What if I had a heart attack too. Would it be worth it just to eat those chips or that cinnamon roll? I imagine myself growing old, fit and active in my community. I always see myself as an elderly woman, doing yoga, barefoot, on a beach. That's not going to happen if I'm stuffing my face with salty and sweet treats.

Whether your decision is about work, love, parenting, health or personal growth, the 10-10-10 formula will take your values into consideration and force you to look at the big picture. Author Suzy Welch, presents a variety of case studies and shows the reader how analyzing the short term and long term consequences of a decision allows people to gain some distance from the situation, explain the decisions to others and involve them in the decision making process.

Try it out for yourself. Think about a decision that has been weighing you down. Create a general list of your values. Then, consider the impact of your decision in ten minutes, ten months and ten years. To me, the ten years timeline is always the telling part. It's helpful to describe the ten year scenario in writing, to feel what that outcome would be like and create a collage.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Pruning-A Life Strategy

July 11th, 2016

Today, I was tending the garden. I noticed that many of the flowers on our hanging plants were drying up from the intense sunlight. I started plucking the dried out flowers to make room for new growth. There are loads of buds ready to bloom. Our flowers will look amazing by the end of the week. I was never good with flowers in the past. I gave them too much water and never pruned them. I feared that I would remove too much and kill the plant. The earth would get mouldy and no new flowers would grow because the entire plant was packed with dead flowers. My husband showed me how to prune plants and flowers the first year we lived at this home. His grandmother had taught him the art of pruning in her rose garden in England.

As I pruned today, I thought about the parallels between my gardening style and my habits. I hang on to stuff way too long. I have a lot of clothing that I wore when I was a teenager. I no longer have the body of a teenager but I am attached to the clothing. Each dress has a story, a fun memory associated with it. I hold onto books and paperwork-scraps of paper with notes, insights from experiences or books and, awesome quotes.

I was thinking about the importance of pruning in life in general. At any given time, we can pretty much fill a few boxes with items we have outgrown or simply haven't used recently. Having a cluttered home feels heavy and drains our energy.

There are people in our lives who no longer belong there. You may need to let go of a spouse, a friend, a colleague or a relative. It can be painful to end a relationship even if it's long overdue. You are inflicting pain on another person and, a break-up entails conflict which can feel scary and uncomfortable. If that person is part of a group of friends, you may also fear the backlash from other members of that group as a result of your pruning.

I often meet people who need to change careers. They have been in the same job for ten years, they used to love it but they no longer care about it, they resent it and feel run down every day when they have to go to work.

Like me, you may need to prune your closet and keep only the clothing that still represents who you are then donate the rest.

Activities can also be pruned. Look at your schedule and put an "x" on all the items in your calendar that don't need to be there. We tend to fill our schedules and we rarely have time to assess these activities later on to see if they are still meaningful to us.

Life is meant to be savoured. How much of your life do you love? I remember when owning and pruning Bonzai trees were a trend. You had to know what to cut out and what to leave in. Our lives are like that. Sometimes we need to stop and examine our lives. We can prune away the items that are weighing us down and the people who are draining our energy. By paying attention to how much time we devote to activities we no longer enjoy compared to what lights us up, we can see what needs to go. Pruning our lives, like Bonzai trees, is an art. We need to know what fills us up and what empties us and act accordingly.

If you're curious, grab a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. Write a heading for each column; Fills Me, Empties Me. Then, list all the people and activities that fit into each column. You may be surprised by how uneven your columns are or by who and what ends up where. Happy pruning!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Book of the Week-Deliberate Receiving

July 8th, 2016

This week's book caught my eye at Chapter's. The author, Melody Fletcher, uses plain language and you can sense her quirkiness from the very first page. I felt that her book would be interesting and entertaining so I bought it.

The premise of the book is that you can basically create your reality and it very closely resembles The Secret. She instructs readers to figure out what they really want and focus on it. The twist is that she believes that we need to figure out the emotion tied to the experience we desire. For each of us, an experience will bring on an emotion. This has a vibration. If we can tap into that emotion, we can start attracting the experience.

Melody explains that we all start off on a spectrum of emotion and, if what we are trying to manifest doesn't vibrate at the same frequency as our current emotion, it won't be a match. She takes the reader through a series of emotional stages. You identify where you are on the spectrum then progressively raise your vibration by connecting with that emotion. Acknowledging your emotion and releasing it moves you up the spectrum until you reach the emotion that matches your experience.

The book warns us not to sabotage our manifesting through letting our beliefs limit what we think is possible for us or focusing on what we dot want or reacting negatively when we receive what we requested because it comes in a different form than we expected.

I recognized that I was in the frustration stage. My belief is that if I work hard, I will be rewarded and successful. When this doesn't happen I feel frustrated. When someone is in the frustration phase, they take action thinking it will speed things up, they get pushy and impatient. I am definitely in this phase. The encouraging thing is that the next phase after frustration is hope so I am basically on the threshold. I wrote down her advice for this phase which is to stop trying to control this by forcing it to happen, focus on what I want and align my energy to the emotion of this desire then let synchronicity show me the next step. When I fall out of this energy and I start to doubt that manifesting is possible, I can ask myself; "What if this does happen?" Asking this question quickly gets you excited and thinking positively.

The very day that I read this, I learned a lesson about frustration through my daughters. They are home for the summer. My intention is to have fun with them, to create memories over the summer and feel connected to them. I had planned to take them to a movie ten minutes away from our home. They have movies for $5 at the municipal centre over the summer and I like to take advantage of this every year. This week's movie was The Little Prince. I saw the previews and thought it would be a great movie. Within ten minutes, the girls were saying they didn't like the movie and wanted to leave. I was really enjoying it. I asked them to give it a try. They were squirming, whispering complaints to each other and looking over at me, waiting for the signal that they could stand up and leave. I was feeling very frustrated. I had just paid for this movie and, not only were they not giving it a chance, I wasn't going to get to see it. We left. I took them out to get groceries. They complained that the store's air conditioning was too cold. I consulted my grocery list and rushed around to get ingredients for supper. They saw a cosmetics counter and started looking through the eye liner and lipstick. I told them I was done with my groceries. They weren't cold anymore, they wanted to linger and explore the cosmetics. I took them home.

As I prepared lunch, I thought about my morning and how different my vibration was from what I had intended. I realized that I was experiencing a parallel in my personal and business life. I felt frustrated by my daughters' lack of compliance with what I had envisioned. I wanted to bond with them and have fun. To me, that meant going to the movies. I was controlling the experience. I decided to just focus on what I wanted for the rest of the day. They were playing together so I focused on de-cluttering closets in the house. I have been wanting to do this for some time but I was always playing with the girls. I got a bunch of de-cluttering done, they played together and then they initiated play with me. They wanted to become mermaids and we dressed up and pretended to be mermaids. We had a great time, they led me through it and I was able to achieve the experience I was seeking. My eldest later sang songs for me and impressed me with her beautiful voice. Then my youngest sat on my lap while I read the pile of books she selected.

I learned my lesson. I get clear about what I want, I figure out the feeling that this experience would grant me and I tune in to my emotions. The better I feel, the closer I am to manifesting. Challenging emotions are a message that I am not moving in the right direction. This book was entertaining at first then I felt overwhelmed and confused. Chapter 11, the one that teaches you to move up the spectrum, was the most interesting part of the book and where I learned the most.

I will continue to apply its principles and see where it leads.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Book of the Week-Life Loves You

June 13th, 2016

As I sat at my computer to write today's post, I caught a glimpse of my post counter-this is my 100th post. Hooray! This has been an interesting adventure so far. Only a handful of people have read it and that's ok. I am still learning about blogging and I am treating it like an extension of my journal. I explore topics of interest to me and try to stick to my commitment to write every weekday. Initially, I planned to write seven days a week and have a specific topic each day but that didn't work for me. Weekends are for family and if I am grumpy because I haven't been able to write my blog, that has a negative impact on my loved ones. They are the most important people in my life. Hence the decision to only write on weekdays. I also write about whatever comes to mind. Otherwise I am trying to research a topic or pin down a 40+ year old woman for an interview. I am enjoying this pace and I think a few topics will emerge over time. I may end up with a very different blog by the time the year is over. So, on with today's post...

I wanted to share Life Loves You by Louise Hay and Robert Holden. I heard about this book when I tuned into the Hay House Summit. Robert Holden is one of the interviewers for the summit and he mentioned the book a few times. I saw the book at Shopper's Drug Mart a week or two after the summit. It caught my eye and I took it home.

The book documents conversations between Robert Holden and Louise Hay. The premise of the book is that life shouldn't be painful. This doesn't mean there are no obstacles but we stop struggling and try to understand what is happening instead. Each chapter shows us how to love ourselves and live our best lives with lessons, quotes, a look into the interactions between Robert and Louise and, finally, my favourite part, some practical activities to act on this new knowledge.

Louise is known for her mirror work. The book starts with the use of mirror work to boost our feelings of self-love. In her practice, she sits in front of a full-length mirror with clients. She says people struggle to look at themselves and say: "I love you!". The first step is becoming comfortable in our own presence.

In chapter 2, we add affirmations that empower us to believe in our worthiness. Readers learn to say yes to life by surrendering their struggle and tapping into their wisdom. I love affirmations. I learned many of them from other books by Louise Hay. Here is my favourite affirmation from You Can Heal Your Life, "The more love I use and give, the more I have to give. The supply is endless." and "I earn good money doing what satisfies me". The first time I read these affirmations, they felt so good in my heart, my body vibrated. They get transferred from one journal to the next because I don't want to ever forget them.

Chapter 3 was a very fun adventure, becoming aware of what brings me joy and creating a visual representation of it as if it were already true in the present. I have my vision board in my walk-in closet. I see it every day when I am getting dressed and I look at it every night before bed.

In the fourth chapter, we are guided to recognize when we fell out of love with ourselves as well as everything we have come to believe about our life and our role in our own story. The reader is encouraged to forgive others and him/herself in order to thrive and fulfill his/her destiny. This was a heavy chapter and I had to take a breather here.

The following chapter was all about gratitude, a topic that is gaining popularity. Last year, I discovered the power of gratitude when I started writing down ten things I was thankful for and why in my journal every day. I had to say thank you out loud as I read what I had wrote. This activity did more than make me feel good. It changed my interactions and attracted opportunities into my life at a ridiculous speed. If you are feeling stuck right now, try this out and see where it leads.

Next, we are taught how to receive. If the universe is abundant, you are loved and you are worthy then all you need to do is say yes and remain open in order to receive. I first realized that I was not able to receive when I was in Toronto studying to become an art therapist. I had noticed years earlier when I was doing theatre that I found it easier to exhale than to inhale. This became significant as I analyzed my personality. I realized I thrive on doing special things for others. However, I have a difficult time letting others do stuff for me. I am very self-sufficient and that feels safe to me. I know I won't let myself down but it doesn't give loved ones the satisfaction of loving me back. When we had our car accident two years ago, I was concussed and I relied on my mother and husband to help me. I had to say no to my daughters. The experience helped me to see that my relationships were out of balance. I have recently explored my blockages when it comes to receiving money. I have worked on those as well. Life is fascinating, always a journey.

The final chapter encourages us to feel safe and loved enough to pour our love back into the world. We are guided through a meditation that helps us bless everyone from our loved ones to our enemies and extending out into the universe.

I thoroughly loved this book. It sets a good pace, is an easy read and leaves you feeling giddy with love. Blessing to all of you!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Worth

May 30th, 2016

I hope everyone out there had a great weekend! The sun felt so fantastic, I thoroughly enjoyed every second of it!

I am reading The Abundance Code, a book that addresses myths we believe about money then challenges us to rewrite our beliefs to reflect the true abundance of the world in which we live. I am loving it so far but when she uses financial terms I am absolutely lost. Hopefully, it will all make sense as I read on. One of the chapters explores the concept of worth, as in, do we feel worthy of money? If not, we sabotage all opportunities to earn more money.

This got me thinking about our sense of worth in general, not just as it relates to money. There are many ways in which we gain our feelings of worthiness. If I think about this theme in a chronological order than I would think our first sense of worthiness comes from our parents. They love us therefore we are worthy. If we are raised in a dysfunctional family where a parent's love is rarely expressed or, worse, the parents are emotionally abusive then there will be some serious damage to our self esteem. Then we start to feel worthy based on our behaviour, whatever is praised makes us feel worthy, whatever is punished leads to feelings of shame or remorse. As a teenager, belonging and inclusion create a sense of worth, popularity with the opposite gender, looks, clothes, the factors of our worthiness can get pretty superficial.

As a young adult, getting into a certain College or University can create a sense of worth. Working at a great job that others approve of either due to status or income or both increases our sense of worth. The following years are filled with steps on the ladder or worthiness, marriage, a mortgage, children, traveling, promotions, wealth.

Then comes the moment when we realize that all of our worth has come from external sources. We hate our job that our parents loved so much! We have gained weight and our health is at risk. We are burned out. The children we have devoted so much energy in raising are off living their own lives. So, there we are in our job, making good money, feeling empty and so very tired. There is often a pivotal moment, either through divorce, illness, empty nest or the death of a loved one. This moment lights a fire in us. Wait a minute, this is not my life. I want more or something different. It starts as discomfort, this life no longer fits. Then we start talking about it with others and realize that they are also dissatisfied with their lives. Next, we take action, sometimes in small steps, for others it comes in risky leaps and bounds.

All external sources of worth are temporary. Feeling worthy based on the approval of others always leads to disappointed because they will not always agree with you and you may need to take action that they don't understand. What made you popular in high school won't work when you are a middle-aged adult. Your looks will change over time. You can lose the house, get laid off from work and get divorced. So what's left?

You are worthy because there is no one else like you. You have a combination of strengths, traits and skills that are all yours. There is a reason why certain actions, people or environments light you up inside, these are guideposts to your purpose. You are worthy no matter what, whether you are rich or poor, busy or between jobs, gorgeous or average. When you acknowledge and celebrate your worthiness, you naturally make decisions about the people and activities that are worthy of your time and attention. That makes life interesting and worth living.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Book of the Week-The Happiness Equation by Neil Pasricha

May 11th, 2016

Prior to our trip, I ran out of time to go into town and purchase a book. The Happiness Equation caught my eye on a table at Walmart. It's a thick and heavy book, impractical for a trip but it appealed to me and I purchased it anyways.

I like to read when the Vincent and the girls have gone to bed. I curl up on the couch with a cosy blanket, enjoying the quiet. This book had me hooked from the start. It's filled with quirky little diagrams and observations.

Neil talks about this community that lives long, healthy, happy lives. The key is "Ikigai". They all have a sense of purpose, a reason to get up every day. I started to think about my Ikigai. My daughters are mine-loving them, nurturing them and teaching them the important stuff in life. What is your Ikigai?

The author then divides the week into three buckets of 56 hours: one for sleep, one for work and a third to pursue our passion. I was impressed with this, 56 hours per week to pursue my passion. That sounds like a lot! My passions are learning, reading, teaching, creating, writing, public speaking and offering art therapy workshops to children and adults.

In the book, Neil describes how being at work provides social interaction, structure, intellectual stimulation and a story (you are part of the company's story re: who they are and what they are trying to accomplish). He explains how our delusions about retirement being the golden years where we get to do nothing rob us of the four Ss (social, structure, stimulation and story). We are meant to keep working and if we love what we do then it doesn't feel like work.

He believes happiness is only 10% affected by our circumstances, the other 90% comes from our perception. He explains that we pursue success thinking it will make us happy but we need to focus on our happiness first. Neil differentiates between three types of success: making money, earning the respect of others and, feeling proud of ourselves. As long as we depend on others to feel successful, our achievements will never be enough. That's why it's so important to find our bliss and dive in, then we can feel fulfilled.

We are encouraged to achieve a more balanced life by dividing our time evenly between doing and resting. In order to make time to think, Neil recommends we limit the number of choices we make every day to avoid decision fatigue and use that energy constructively. He also believes we need tighter deadlines so we have no time to procrastinate. One of the ways he did this was having 5 minute speeches at his meetings. That way people would get to the point. Everyone felt that their time was well spent. He also proposes having some down time where you can not be reached or distracted so you can just feed your brain.

My favourite part of the book was the three tests on page 245. The point of these tests is to find your authentic self. The tests consist of three questions:

1) What would you do on a Saturday morning if you had no obligations (you are completely free to do what you'd like)?
2) How do you feel when you put yourself in a new situation?
3) Who are the five people closest to you and what do you love most about them?

Neil says the five regrets of the dying are all related to authenticity. It's important to be true to yourself in order to live a happy life. What keeps us from being authentic? Fear. That is why we are encouraged to take action every day. Is there something we can do, even something small to move towards happiness ad fulfillment? Do it. The more we do, the more confident we become in our ability to get things done.

This book really got me thinking and moving in the right direction. Here is another question for you to consider...If you did not need any money, what would you do with your time? Where would you be? Who would you spend time with? What activities would you continue to pursue? Can you find a way to bring this into your life now?

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Family Dynamics

March 14th, 2016

Who are you? I mean in your family. What is your role? Where do you fit in the puzzle of your family? Whenever I offer a team building workshop for small groups I like to explore this question. We are complex human beings. We may be controlling and bossy at work then dependent and quiet at home. Each environment brings out a different aspect of us.

The thing is, we often walk right into the same role at work and in our romantic relationship as we had in our family of origin. Were you the peacemaker at home? Are you the only one still talking to everyone at work? The one every member of the team confides in? Were you a caregiver when you were growing up, caring for an alcoholic parent? You may be determined to marry someone who doesn't drink but you end up with someone who depends on you in other ways. Are all your employers incompetent people who need your expertise to succeed, just another expression of the same pattern.

If each employee is carrying a role from his/her family of origin but is unaware of it, then each conflict at work is perceived as new and unique to that specific working relationship. What happens when you recognize a pattern, when you realize that this is just an extension of your previous role from your family of origin? It depersonalizes the conflict at work, it brings you back to the original relationship to figure out what needs to be resolved. You can make choices from a place of awareness. The intensity of the conflict vanishes. You are able to question your perception. "Are they excluding me or am I imagining that they would prefer it if I didn't join them because I felt like an outsider in my family of origin"? The ability to check the validity of your perceptions is empowering.

Have you ever noticed how the same family story can be told differently by the family members who were there? We carry our stories with us. We tell our partner, our children, our friends and colleagues our version of these stories. They become a part of our identity. They influence the way we interact with others, our expectations of them. We change, our loved ones change but we interact as if everything is the same. Isn't it funny how we become 5 years old when we bump into our kindergarten teacher. We are full grown with children of our own but we find ourselves greeting her the same way, with the same tone: "Hello Mrs Birke"!

We project these behaviors onto new people. We transfer our fear of parents onto authority figures, our desire to please to other men or women, our competitiveness from our siblings to our colleagues. Take a moment to become conscious of the impact your roles have on your current life.

1-What was your job in your family of origin? Did you make people laugh, stir up trouble, create chaos, rebel, keep the peace, compete, make yourself invisible, do all the work, try to be perfect?
2-Who were your allies in the family (people who supported you)?
3-Were you in a coalition with someone (ganging up against someone else)?
4-Were you the black sheep (different/outsider)?
5-What were the rules in your family (even if they were never spoken)?
6- What were your family's expectations of you? Were you expected to take over the family business, marry someone from your culture or religion, get rich and support your family?
7-What did your family stand for and value? (success, family, patriotism, community involvement, education, athletics)
8-How would you qualify the relationship between your parents and among your family members? (intimate, close, loving, supportive or cold, divided, chaotic, violent, numb)

Once you've answered these questions, examine your current lifestyle and relationships, at home and at work. Can you see the connections between your life and your foundation? I would be very surprised if you didn't. Once you make peace with your family of origin and heal early wounds, the troubling people in your present will lose their hold on you.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Night Talks

March 13th, 2016

Every night, my girls want to talk before bed. I used to read stories to them then, we started to make up our own stories, now we have graduated to talking about life. My eldest usually initiates this: "Can we just talk, Mom?" What I find interesting is that I am around throughout the day on weekends, trying to connect with them. This can be difficult at times because they want to do different activities and they each want me to choose their activity. I have to bargain, promising to draw with my eldest then play dolls with my youngest. During the day, they seem so mature. I get a few eye rolls or they resist what I am asking them to do. "Brush my teeth? Why? I'm not going out today?" When night comes around, they want to cuddle and talk. I love it!

They talk about school. I find out who they play with at recess, those friends are sometimes different from the ones who come over for playdates. They tell me their stories about who they "broke up" with and why. They hint at some girls who are mean to them. They ask questions they may not ask during the day when we can see each other's faces.

They confess their fears and share their dreams. My eldest is trying to decide how famous she wants to be. She hates the thought of papparazzi being in her face with their cameras but she is determined to become a superstar. She once described her entire tour schedule. Apparently, her entire tour ends in Brazil. We have never been to Brazil or even talked about Brazil but she studied her map of the world and chose a variety of locations to ensure she spreads herself evenly around the globe. Both my daughters don't want to have children because they don't want their bellies to look like mine :). My eldest wants to get married, my youngest isn't interested in marriage. They both swear they will never move away. They want to stay in their room at the house for the rest of their lives.

I enjoy these conversations because I get to convey my values without preaching, just by responding to their questions and stories. Sometimes I tell them about a mistake I made when I was little and what happened as a consequence. Lately, I've been trying to introduce them to music. On Friday, as we were celebrating the start of March Break, I wanted to share Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd. They were not interested in hearing my "old, boring" music. My husband tries to tell them about David Bowie and the Beatles (more eye rolling from the girls). At least, my eldest is hooked on Michael Jackson. I was a huge fan of his when I was her age. One night, we watched a bunch of his videos, singing and dancing along as a family and she was hooked. Now she imitates him, as I used to do at her age, she has a poster of him in her room and she wishes she could have met him when he was alive.

I am happy and proud to have our night talks. Right now the girls fight to spend time with me but, one day, soon enough, they will be teenagers and they will be harder to reach. I hope our talks create a ritual that maintains the lines of communication open for when we need it the most.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Book of the Week-Year of Yes

March 12th, 2016

I am so excited to share this book with you. I purchased this week's book at the pharmacy. I recognized the author's name, Shonda Rhimes. I knew that name but I coudn't figure out how I knew it. As I read through the book I learned that she is a writer and has written many successful television series such as Grey's Anatomy. I never watched that show so I still don't know why her name was so familiar.

I read the book in three days. It was just one of those books. Shonda and I have a great deal in common. As a child, she had this active imagination and she liked to sit in the pantry and invent people, places and stories. When she became famous and was suddenly in the spotlight, out of her comfort zone. Shonda worked very hard but she tried to become invisible. She ate her emotions, stuffing them deeper, silencing them, numbing herself in the process. She gained weight and said no to the many networking opportunities that were presented to her. She was successful but tired and unhappy.

One day, her sister reprimanded her for saying no to everything. This accusation sat in her brain and simmered until she came to the conclusion that her sister was right. She did say no to everything. This kept her safe and comfortable. She wasn't challenging herself. Shonda decided she would commit to saying yes to every opportunity that presented itself over the course of a year. She faced her fear of public speaking and her discomfort with the small talk that is required during social obligations. She stopped suppressing her emotions with food, worked out, ate a healthier dit and lost over 100lbs. She dived into difficult conversations and speaking her truth became easier. She worked through her identity as a mother, accepting that she was a career woman who had help from a nanny and did not have time to bake goods for the bake sale. She found the courage to turn down an engagement to a wonderful man because she doesn't want to be married.

As she says yes to people and opportunities, she becomes more clear about what she wants and what she doesn't. She loses a few friends who do not like the new direct, happy, assertive, fulfilled person she has become. However, she gains peace and self-love. She is grounded and the friends she has are true friends. On page 178, she writes: "The point of this whole Year of Yes project is to say yes to things that scare me, that challenge me. So in order to YES a problem, I have to find whatever it is inside the problem that challenges me or scares me or makes me just freak out-and then I have to say yes to that thing". She calls this new approach to life, becoming a "badass".

Throughout the book, Shonda talks about the joys and challenges of motherhood. She has to re-connect to her playful self. As an adult with many responsibilities who lives in her head, she must train herself to be in the moment and play. She commits to turn off her phone at 6pm every day and, as much as she can, not work on weekends. She decides she will say yes every time her children want her to play or listen to them because she can generally give them 15 minutes then they move on to something else. She talks about the judging that happens among women: the working moms against the stay-at-home moms and she wonders why we can't just mother in our own way and be supportive of each other. She points out the need for support as mothers, how we used to get that from neighbors, friends and families but that is rare these days with everyone doing their own thing. She relates a story of her desire to style her hair like Whitney Houston when she was younger. She was so discouraged by her failed attempts until she was informed that Whitney wore a wig. Being a mom is like that, we imagine every other mom has got it all under control and this puts pressure and unrealistic expectations on us. If we are honest with each other and admit our need for support or, that we have a great network of support helping us, it creates a space for moms to reach out for help without feeling any shame about it.

I absolutely loved this book. It was empowering, thought-provoking and inspiring.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Interview with a 40+ Woman

March 11th, 2016

Today, I had an opportunity to sit with a woman I have come to respect. CT is the most positive, open, non-judgmental woman I have ever met and I enjoy her company. We sat in a sunny room, eating scones, drinking lattes and I got to ask my questions.

As I suspected, CT doesn't care about age. She knows people from different age groups and, to her, 40 is just another number. At the age of 43, she hasn't made any major changes in her life. She simply has more clarity about what she wants to do. She feels more committed, less willing to let things "not happen". CT is also less worried about letting people know her views. She now values her experiences. She feels more reflective. She has a growing awareness about how variable time can be. "In your 40s you experience friends and family getting sick".

I asked CT what she has learned about aging from the women around her. "Most of the people I know, aging doesn't bother them. Their metabolism changes, they can't do the same things as before. That may bother them but it's ok. The experience of aging for women has lots of constructs we can't avoid. We gather. My mom still has friends from University. A guy friend of mine meets up with his childhood friend for breakfast once a week. Many enjoy it, being retired. They get to be involved in projects they like". CT talks about friends whose partners are ill or who have their own health issues. "It is not an easier time of life but you have experience to sit on".

CT doesn't think she is any different from her younger self. "It depends on the situation. Personality traits come out more strongly depending on the situation". She is increasingly aware of things like who she is, aspects that are her strengths or other aspects that need some work. Given the chance to start over she doesn't think she would change anything. Asked what she is proud of, CT says she's pretty happy. "I like the people around me, I like the kids around me". Her friends and family are most important to her at this time in her life as well as her health. She turns to friends and family for support when she needs it. When she wants to recharge her batteries, CT goes out for a walk. Walking is integral to her well-being.

I ask CT why she thinks so many women make drastic changes in their 40s. She believes that hormones play a role for sure. "Experiences in your 40s have some meaning. There are changes in your body and your life, good changes but you can't control them. This affects us because we are socialized to control things and we can't. It's worse now, we're told there are pills to change things. Also, you know things now and they can be in conflict". She now understands some of the decisions her parents made when she was growing up. "I now understand that you own your mistakes, you own your choices".

When asked to offer advice to the next generation of teenagers, CT was quiet, contemplating her answer. She varied between no advice "because shitty things can happen" and simply recommending that they "trust in possibilites." She hopes to provide support for the next generation. "They have their own stuff to figure out. This belongs to the 'can't control' category. We all die eventually and when we do, we can leave values behind but we can't control what happens".

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Book of the Week-Happiness The Mindful Way: a practical guide by Ken A. Verni

March 5th, 2016

My husband gave me a gift card for Indigo books on Valentine's Day. I really want to be a more focused, grounded, mindful person so when I visited the Indigo store in Barrhaven, I was searching for a book on mindfulness. Some of you may be thinking, you don't need a book about mindfulness, just sit down, be quiet and listen to your breath. This is true but my brain is more receptive to information presented in books. I absorb the information and then I am able to apply it. So, I got a book.

Happiness the Mindful Way is a very thorough book. I chose it because, when I looked at the Table of Contents, I knew I would learn something new.

The book teaches the basics of mindfulness. You learn to switch from doing (which we do most of the time in our race to get everything crossed off our "to-do" lists) to being (as in present in this moment). Ken Verni talks about the importance of acknowledging our thoughts then learning to sweep them away with an imaginary broom. For children, he suggests imagining that they are cats watching a mouse hole, each thought that pops up is a mouse and must be swatted. I like that metaphor.

Next, he turns to emotions and explains that we can notice the emotion and allow it to pass through us without identifying with it. We accept it with compassion. He provides a variety of ways to deal with stress, recognizing triggers and patterns. He also examines our concept of happiness and warns us that we often define our happiness as achieving some fantasy that we project into the future. This prevents us from recognizing happiness in our current life.

Then we learned a variety of mindfulness meditation techniques from focusing on the breath, concentrating on an object, noticing sensations with our five senses, scanning our body, walking meditation, becoming a sturdy mountain and, my new favorite, loving kindness meditation.

I just had a very busy week, preparing for a workshop with 25 teenagers while translation a newsletter for the Canadian Art Therapy Association. I was having issues with technology. You may notice typos as I have been unable to switch my computer back to English. I was very stressed. I tried getting five minutes of mindful breathing into the start of my day and focusing on gratitude through my Gratitude Jar which I started in January. However, the most helpful thing I did was try Loving Kindness meditation.

You start by sitting comfortably and focusing on your breath then you think to yourself: "May I experience loving kindness for myself. May I enjoy happiness, health and peace".  That's it, you just sit with these two sentences in your mind and breathe. I felt so much more positive and at peace. The goal is to then entend this wish to others starting with people you love the most, then acquaintances and finally, people you do not like. I used it when my husband was behaving in a way I did not understand. I sent him love and my feelings eased up. Can you imagine how much better our world would be (or, on a smaller scale, our community) if everyone practised this meditation on a daily basis?

Here are the most helpful tips I learned from this book:
You can be mindful anywhere (sitting in a chair, taking your shower, driving somewhere)
Intruding thoughts and strong emotions should not be repressed, embrace them and let them go
Send love to yourself as often as you can, it makes you a better person, more compassionate
Send love to others, including people you don't like, it releases you from the energy that bonds you to them.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul@ripnet.com

Book of the Week-The Power

February 27th, 2016

I have been reading The Power by Rhonda Byrne because, when I was browsing the books available at the public library, its bright orange cover caught my eye. As I began reading this book, I recognized many of the concepts from The Secret: you have a choice every day whether to focus on the positive aspects of your life or not and, based on this decision, you will either get more positive experiences or negative ones. Whatever you give to others comes back to you so you need to be mindful of what you think, say and do to others. Your thoughts affect your feelings.

We think we are reacting to what has happened to us but the universe responds to us and our feelings are a strong magnet. Whatever we feel most intensely about is what will be increased in our life. There is no distinction between whether we are a good person or a bad person, whether this is a good feeling or a bad one. Strong feeling equals attraction. When you feel anger for someone, you are bringing more of them in your life because of the intensity of your feelings. She suggests noticing what you love and focusing on that. List the people, places, activities, objects you love, notice them in your environment and this is what will grow, opportunities to spend time with those people, visit those places or obtain these objects. Your feelings are a frequency like a radio station and you attract people and circumstances that match this frequency. I you want to bring different people and experiences in your life, adjust your frequency.

Rhonda explains that we are co-creators with the universe. We must be able to imagine what we want. What would it feel like to be this way, to do this, to have this? Once you are clear about what you want and what that would look like, you need to feel as though it were true. She encourages people to surround themselves with cues that their desires have manifested. If you want to go on a trip, you don't focus on the fact that you can'y afford it. Instead, you search the internet for hotels and save a few options on your Favourites page, you buy your swimsuit and sunglasses, you wear sunscreen every day so you smell like you are on holidays, you visualize the warm sand and salty sea air. You tell people how much you love that place and list everything you love about it. You may even print off a photo of your destination and stick it on your fridge. The possibility of going there feels more and more real. Your love for this place and your visualization become a magnet, drawing this experience closer to you.

I don't know if you ever watched Seinfeld. In one episode, George started a program to help reduce his stress. Whenever he had a negative thought, he would stop himself and repeat the words: Serenity Now. By the end of the episode he had a full on nervous breakdown. The author clarifies that there is no need to resist or fear negativity. You are not trying to suppress negative feelings, you just don't amplify them. You focus on what you want and what you love to increase your frequency so your energy matches your desires and you become a magnet for it. Negativity can exist but it doesn't dominate your thoughts, your are too busy imagining the positive outcomes. She describes an exercise to help you release your negative feelings. You imagine that each negative emotion is a wild horse that you climb onto and ride. Then you can choose to get off the horse.

Rhonda emphasizes that we are good enough now. We don't need to work harder, be skinnier, smarter, more of anything, we are fabulous as we are and life is our catalogue. We just need to choose what we want and keep loving it. If we concentrate on our lack, as in, "I would love to do that but I'm broke so it's never going to happen", then we are creating that story for our life, we associate bad feelings to that experience therefore we repel it. She warns against feeling envious of others who have achieved what we are striving to accomplish or feeling discouraged by our lack of results. These further associate negative feelings to our desires, placing them out of our reach.

In order to elevate your frequency, you need to feel as much love as possible for yourself, the people in your life and as many aspects of your life as possible. Gratitude is an expression of love so when you say thank you or you take time to acknowledge how important someone is to you, you are spreading love all around you. Life should be fun so if you focus on what you enjoy and spend time feeding your imagination with your desires while appreciating what you have, this is the key to success. This is true for money, health matters, work and relationships.

This is a feel-good book and it may seem a bit simplistic, just pick what you want from the catalogue, visualize it and send love to it and, presto, you get it. However, I do believe there is power in focusing on what you want, feeling it with every sense so you can imagine your life as it would be if your desires were manifested, watching your negative self-talk, writing down ten things you are grateful for each day and creating a vision board so you can visualize what your ideal life would look like. Is it all baloney? I will try it out and report back. Let's see what happens.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

I Do

February 25th, 2016

Growing up, you read fairy tales about princesses who are beautiful-birds landing on their outstretched index finger and cute forest creatures gathering to hear them sing. The princess is in trouble, usually because of a step mother or evil witch who covets the princess's beauty. The princess nearly dies but her prince saves her. In the nick of time, he swoops in on his white horse and battles the dragon or kisses her lips and revives her. Then, of course, they live happily ever after. There is never a sequel. What does it mean to live happily ever after? What would that look like?

As a young girl, you idealize your dad. He is your prince. He is strong, he protects you and loves you. You draw him pictures and hug him tight, holding onto his neck. You feel safe. As a young woman, when you like a guy, you project your fantasies onto him. Is he THE ONE?

There are so many beginnings to a relationship: hot, blind and fiery, you just love exploring each other's bodies but you really know nothing about each other (less talking, more kissing), friends first, you develop feelings for a guy friend and have to get through the awkward stage of "Oh My God, this is my friend I'm kissing", love-at-first-sight, you meet a total stranger and feel like you've come home, everything feels familiar and right about this person or, hate-lust, couples who start out as archenemies until, one day, during one of their arguments, there is a kiss, followed by bliss. They fight and make-up over and over again and, they wouldn't have it any other way. There are plenty more ways to get started but, you get the point.

So, what happens next? Eventually, things get more serious, they stop seeing other people, they move in together and, eventually commit (maybe through marriage or just an agreement). Sometimes, immediately after the commitment, one of the partners panics and attempts to sabotage it (I'm trapped, can't breathe). There can be a long stretch of time where both parties feel safe, comfortable, proud and hopeful for the future.

If you have children, things get a little tricky. You have a fantasy in your mind of what that will be like, so does he. Do they match? Do you understand each other's expectations? You imagine yourself getting pregnant right away, calling everyone to share the great news, you look radiant, you and the baby are healthy, your partner is interested in going to every appointment and hearing all the details of your pregnancy, the baby comes on its due date, you squat and push that baby out in record time, you hold your baby in your arms and you are the picture of motherhood, your newborn latches on perfectly, sleeps through the night, a swarm of visitors come to see you and the baby, your husband exudes love and pride as he looks into your eyes, your life is exactly the same as before except you bring the baby along. Cue the sound of the needle scratching the record. If you have children, you recognize the sarcasm here. Things rarely happen perfectly. You may not conceive, throw up for the first semester, go through complications, experience a hellish childbirth, have trouble breastfeeding or end up with a colicky baby. This is real life.

This is where your relationship grows. You need each other. There are challenges and you must figure out how to get through them. Four months of sleepless nights were not part of the fairytale. I don't recall the stretch marks and mood swings being in there either. So there you are, two people who love each other but who are being tested. You may both be tired, worried and stressed. How will you handle this? Will you blame your partner, leave, have an affair, work late or communicate, come up with a plan and tackle this together? Maybe you'll try all of these until you find what works.

You may not have any children. You meet someone, become a couple, work, travel, entertain friends and enjoy leisure activities together. Life will still present a few hurdles to strengthen your relationship. You lose your job, his mother becomes ill, the in-laws are intrusive or you just get bored after a few years. Each of you wonders: "Is this it"? Once again, you have a choice. How will you face the challenge? Will you remember that you're on the same team? It's scary when times get rough. You think about the divorce statistics, you worry that you won't make it. Will things get better or is this the end?

My husband and I will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary in August. We have two amazing daughters, ages 10 and 7. His business is thriving. I have changed jobs and now work from home. We are in such a good place right now. However, we have been through our share of issues and there were times I'm sure we both wanted to punch each other's brains out. We each had some baggage and every conflict caused us to unpack a bit at a time. We know our triggers and patterns. We have seen each other at our worst but also witnessed our strength, devotion and compassion. We have our date night every week and we spend time together when the girls are in school. We still make each other laugh, pushing the boundaries until one of us says: "OK that's enough, this has gone too far". I love him in a completely different way. I used to look at him, the way he dressed, the spikes in his hair, his goatee, his green eyes, I loved the way he held my hand or acted silly in public, I enjoyed working out together then eating delicious vietnamese food or watching him at work, so skilled and competent.

My favourite moments now are watching him show our youngest how to start a terrific fire in the fireplace or how to cook delicious soup. I love seeing our eldest cuddle up with him and tell him about her day. The girls love his silliness and the way he throws them into the pool in the summer. I love hearing them squeal with delight as they run down the hallway when he makes monster noises and chases them. It feels good to eat supper together, walk the dog as a family or go out for ice cream. I still enjoy watching him work, we hold hands every night as we relax in front of the tv before bed, we never run out of jokes and we eat vietnamese food weekly.

We need longer fairy tales to teach us what real relationships look like when two people agree to love one another, even when it's hard. To show young people what it feels like to get to the other side, stronger, humbler and, more compassionate.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org