September 27th, 2016
If you have children between the ages of 6-12, chances are they play on technology some of the time. Even if you ban technology from your home, unless you are homeschooling them, they will be exposed to apps through school. They may use apps as rewards or as a teaching tool. Other children may be discussing how fun certain games are and, if you have a sleepover, at some point, there will be talk of technology. Someone always brings a phone or tablet resulting in tech play.
My daughters have been exposed to certain games over time. There is an app that uses monsters to teach phonics and spelling to children. There were Strawberry Shortcake games where you learned real recipes and My Little Pony games that taught math skills. This is great stuff, educational, good clean fun. However, after a sleepover, my daughters were wanting to download a new game, Talking Angela. The whole game was about deciding what she would wear then answering her questions as she sat at a cafe. Angela is a cat but she asks what you like to do, where you live, how many people are in your family and she shares stories then expects the children to speak about their lives as well.It freaked me out. I asked the girls how they knew who they were talking to and why they thought a cartoon cat would be asking these questions. I deleted that app.
Recently, I've noticed a new trend. A good friend of my daughter's introduced her to Hollywood Stories. In this game, attractive animated women get dressed up, go for auditions and put on shows. They can communicate with their friends and other people they have allowed into their circle. They all have fake names so it could be anyone. The goal is to shop and invite people to your premiere. The women speak to each other while striking a pose. In order to shop, you need to earn points and you do so by watching commercials. The kids know this so they click every time they see a pop-up ad for a commercial. They sit through it knowing they will get extra points to buy more stuff. Other people can go through your portfolio (the clothing you have purchased and looks you created), and vote on it. It is all very superficial. Initially, I thought Hollywood Stories was the only app that worked that way but it is quite common.
So, to recap, the goal of these games is to buy stuff. In order to buy stuff, you need to watch ads (you are paid to expose yourself to advertising). You are rewarded based on the opinion of others (external evaluation) and the amount of stuff you have. These games are training our children to consume and to base their value on what others think. That is alarming. Add to this the fact that some children are on technology for hours at a time and that far too many of them lack the amount of social interaction and connection they need to develop adequate social skills. If you have no real life connections and are bombarded by messages about your worth based on acquisition of stuff and status and we have a serious issue. I don't know what the long term consequences will be. My hope is that the pendulum swings back and children turn away from technology. A return to the outdoors and community connections is what I'd like to see. Only time will tell. For now, I am unplugging my children and making time to connect with them before it's too late.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label values. Show all posts
Showing posts with label values. Show all posts
Tuesday, 27 September 2016
Friday, 15 July 2016
10-10-10 and Decision Making
July 15th, 2016
This is my last blog until August 1st. I will not be writing during my mother-in-law's visit to our home.
I have been reading about a decision making technique called 10-10-10. When you have important decisions to make in your life, you ask yourself what impact your decision will have in ten minutes from now, in ten months and in ten years.
This seems simple but, as the book describes, it forces you to examine your values. I know that for myself, life changed after having my daughters. My goals were no longer the same. Therefore, I had to identify my new values in order to make a satisfying decision. I knew that I wanted to be present for my daughters, married to my husband into old age and healthy enough to enjoy my life. Those values are what led me to leave a well-paying, toxic job to stay home with my daughters. Those values guided me when I decided to work through every single issue that arose between my husband and I.
We all have different values based on our upbringing, our experiences and our temperament therefore the same decision will not have the same outcome for two different people.
This past week, when a friend's husband suddenly passed away, I was shaken. I thought about my days spent cleaning the house instead of playing with my children. I reconsidered my food choices and lack of exercise. What if I had a heart attack too. Would it be worth it just to eat those chips or that cinnamon roll? I imagine myself growing old, fit and active in my community. I always see myself as an elderly woman, doing yoga, barefoot, on a beach. That's not going to happen if I'm stuffing my face with salty and sweet treats.
Whether your decision is about work, love, parenting, health or personal growth, the 10-10-10 formula will take your values into consideration and force you to look at the big picture. Author Suzy Welch, presents a variety of case studies and shows the reader how analyzing the short term and long term consequences of a decision allows people to gain some distance from the situation, explain the decisions to others and involve them in the decision making process.
Try it out for yourself. Think about a decision that has been weighing you down. Create a general list of your values. Then, consider the impact of your decision in ten minutes, ten months and ten years. To me, the ten years timeline is always the telling part. It's helpful to describe the ten year scenario in writing, to feel what that outcome would be like and create a collage.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
This is my last blog until August 1st. I will not be writing during my mother-in-law's visit to our home.
I have been reading about a decision making technique called 10-10-10. When you have important decisions to make in your life, you ask yourself what impact your decision will have in ten minutes from now, in ten months and in ten years.
This seems simple but, as the book describes, it forces you to examine your values. I know that for myself, life changed after having my daughters. My goals were no longer the same. Therefore, I had to identify my new values in order to make a satisfying decision. I knew that I wanted to be present for my daughters, married to my husband into old age and healthy enough to enjoy my life. Those values are what led me to leave a well-paying, toxic job to stay home with my daughters. Those values guided me when I decided to work through every single issue that arose between my husband and I.
We all have different values based on our upbringing, our experiences and our temperament therefore the same decision will not have the same outcome for two different people.
This past week, when a friend's husband suddenly passed away, I was shaken. I thought about my days spent cleaning the house instead of playing with my children. I reconsidered my food choices and lack of exercise. What if I had a heart attack too. Would it be worth it just to eat those chips or that cinnamon roll? I imagine myself growing old, fit and active in my community. I always see myself as an elderly woman, doing yoga, barefoot, on a beach. That's not going to happen if I'm stuffing my face with salty and sweet treats.
Whether your decision is about work, love, parenting, health or personal growth, the 10-10-10 formula will take your values into consideration and force you to look at the big picture. Author Suzy Welch, presents a variety of case studies and shows the reader how analyzing the short term and long term consequences of a decision allows people to gain some distance from the situation, explain the decisions to others and involve them in the decision making process.
Try it out for yourself. Think about a decision that has been weighing you down. Create a general list of your values. Then, consider the impact of your decision in ten minutes, ten months and ten years. To me, the ten years timeline is always the telling part. It's helpful to describe the ten year scenario in writing, to feel what that outcome would be like and create a collage.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
10-10-10 and Decision Making
July 15th, 2016
This is my last blog until August 1st. I will not be writing during my mother-in-law's visit to our home.
I have been reading about a decision making technique called 10-10-10. When you have important decisions to make in your life, you ask yourself what impact your decision will have in ten minutes from now, in ten months and in ten years.
This seems simple but, as the book describes, it forces you to examine your values. I know that for myself, life changed after having my daughters. My goals were no longer the same. Therefore, I had to identify my new values in order to make a satisfying decision. I knew that I wanted to be present for my daughters, married to my husband into old age and healthy enough to enjoy my life. Those values are what led me to leave a well-paying, toxic job to stay home with my daughters. Those values guided me when I decided to work through every single issue that arose between my husband and I.
We all have different values based on our upbringing, our experiences and our temperament therefore the same decision will not have the same outcome for two different people.
This past week, when a friend's husband suddenly passed away, I was shaken. I thought about my days spent cleaning the house instead of playing with my children. I reconsidered my food choices and lack of exercise. What if I had a heart attack too. Would it be worth it just to eat those chips or that cinnamon roll? I imagine myself growing old, fit and active in my community. I always see myself as an elderly woman, doing yoga, barefoot, on a beach. That's not going to happen if I'm stuffing my face with salty and sweet treats.
Whether your decision is about work, love, parenting, health or personal growth, the 10-10-10 formula will take your values into consideration and force you to look at the big picture. Author Suzy Welch, presents a variety of case studies and shows the reader how analyzing the short term and long term consequences of a decision allows people to gain some distance from the situation, explain the decisions to others and involve them in the decision making process.
Try it out for yourself. Think about a decision that has been weighing you down. Create a general list of your values. Then, consider the impact of your decision in ten minutes, ten months and ten years. To me, the ten years timeline is always the telling part. It's helpful to describe the ten year scenario in writing, to feel what that outcome would be like and create a collage.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
This is my last blog until August 1st. I will not be writing during my mother-in-law's visit to our home.
I have been reading about a decision making technique called 10-10-10. When you have important decisions to make in your life, you ask yourself what impact your decision will have in ten minutes from now, in ten months and in ten years.
This seems simple but, as the book describes, it forces you to examine your values. I know that for myself, life changed after having my daughters. My goals were no longer the same. Therefore, I had to identify my new values in order to make a satisfying decision. I knew that I wanted to be present for my daughters, married to my husband into old age and healthy enough to enjoy my life. Those values are what led me to leave a well-paying, toxic job to stay home with my daughters. Those values guided me when I decided to work through every single issue that arose between my husband and I.
We all have different values based on our upbringing, our experiences and our temperament therefore the same decision will not have the same outcome for two different people.
This past week, when a friend's husband suddenly passed away, I was shaken. I thought about my days spent cleaning the house instead of playing with my children. I reconsidered my food choices and lack of exercise. What if I had a heart attack too. Would it be worth it just to eat those chips or that cinnamon roll? I imagine myself growing old, fit and active in my community. I always see myself as an elderly woman, doing yoga, barefoot, on a beach. That's not going to happen if I'm stuffing my face with salty and sweet treats.
Whether your decision is about work, love, parenting, health or personal growth, the 10-10-10 formula will take your values into consideration and force you to look at the big picture. Author Suzy Welch, presents a variety of case studies and shows the reader how analyzing the short term and long term consequences of a decision allows people to gain some distance from the situation, explain the decisions to others and involve them in the decision making process.
Try it out for yourself. Think about a decision that has been weighing you down. Create a general list of your values. Then, consider the impact of your decision in ten minutes, ten months and ten years. To me, the ten years timeline is always the telling part. It's helpful to describe the ten year scenario in writing, to feel what that outcome would be like and create a collage.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 12 July 2016
Mortality
July 12th, 2016
I didn't have to wonder what to write about tonight. Two years ago today, my husband and I were in a car crash. We went out for a date and had a great time. On our way back, mere blocks from our home, a teenager, texting while driving hit our car from behind. I hit the back of my head so hard, my sunglasses flew off. I found them weeks later in the wreckage. I went for massage therapy then physiotherapy and biofeedback. I am much better now but I still have reminders of the accident when I can't find the word I am looking for, when I am exhausted at the end of the day, when my head or neck hurt or I feel dizzy. However, I feel grateful to be alive.
Today, two years later, my husband and I received some terrible news. A friend of ours has lost her husband. Our babysitter and her sister have lost their dad. He died from a heart attack at work. We found out from one of his co-workers who just happened to be my husband's friend. He was only 52 years old, he wasn't ill, there was no warning, he went to work and didn't return. We were all shocked, wondering, hoping it was a case of mistaken identity. It wasn't.
My husband and his friend went out for drinks as they do every two weeks. They talked about their lives, reviewed their decisions and assessed their priorities. It was a sobering evening to say the least.
I was at home with our daughters. They were very sad to hear that their favourite babysitter's father had died. They couldn't believe it was true. They thought about their own father who was out for the evening. The possibility that he wouldn't come home felt excruciating and frightening. As I spent time with them, I felt so grateful to be alive, to have the opportunity to create memories with them.
Throughout the evening, I did my own soul searching. If I died today, what would be left undone, what would I regret? The biggest loss would be not being around to raise my daughters. I love them so much and I want to be here for them every step of the way. I started to mentally create a bucket list. What do I absolutely want to do before I die?
Here is what I've come up with so far:
1-Raise two confident, compassionate, kind and generous girls
2-Travel through Canada, the USA, Australia and Europe
3-Learn to live sustainably-grow my own food, use solar energy, have an eco-friendly home
4-Take care of my mother financially so she can enjoy her golden years
5-Become a published author
6-Give at least one Ted Talk
7-Master at least one art form
8-Grow into a fit older lady
9-Find a way to ensure every child in my town has food and warm clothing in the winter
10-Empower women to support their families
When someone dies, it is a wake-up call. Are we wasting time or do we use each day to create something good? Have we set goals? Are we progressing toward them? Does our life truly reflect our values? Take a moment to create your bucket list. What would you like to accomplish in this lifetime? Stop putting it off. Start now.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I didn't have to wonder what to write about tonight. Two years ago today, my husband and I were in a car crash. We went out for a date and had a great time. On our way back, mere blocks from our home, a teenager, texting while driving hit our car from behind. I hit the back of my head so hard, my sunglasses flew off. I found them weeks later in the wreckage. I went for massage therapy then physiotherapy and biofeedback. I am much better now but I still have reminders of the accident when I can't find the word I am looking for, when I am exhausted at the end of the day, when my head or neck hurt or I feel dizzy. However, I feel grateful to be alive.
Today, two years later, my husband and I received some terrible news. A friend of ours has lost her husband. Our babysitter and her sister have lost their dad. He died from a heart attack at work. We found out from one of his co-workers who just happened to be my husband's friend. He was only 52 years old, he wasn't ill, there was no warning, he went to work and didn't return. We were all shocked, wondering, hoping it was a case of mistaken identity. It wasn't.
My husband and his friend went out for drinks as they do every two weeks. They talked about their lives, reviewed their decisions and assessed their priorities. It was a sobering evening to say the least.
I was at home with our daughters. They were very sad to hear that their favourite babysitter's father had died. They couldn't believe it was true. They thought about their own father who was out for the evening. The possibility that he wouldn't come home felt excruciating and frightening. As I spent time with them, I felt so grateful to be alive, to have the opportunity to create memories with them.
Throughout the evening, I did my own soul searching. If I died today, what would be left undone, what would I regret? The biggest loss would be not being around to raise my daughters. I love them so much and I want to be here for them every step of the way. I started to mentally create a bucket list. What do I absolutely want to do before I die?
Here is what I've come up with so far:
1-Raise two confident, compassionate, kind and generous girls
2-Travel through Canada, the USA, Australia and Europe
3-Learn to live sustainably-grow my own food, use solar energy, have an eco-friendly home
4-Take care of my mother financially so she can enjoy her golden years
5-Become a published author
6-Give at least one Ted Talk
7-Master at least one art form
8-Grow into a fit older lady
9-Find a way to ensure every child in my town has food and warm clothing in the winter
10-Empower women to support their families
When someone dies, it is a wake-up call. Are we wasting time or do we use each day to create something good? Have we set goals? Are we progressing toward them? Does our life truly reflect our values? Take a moment to create your bucket list. What would you like to accomplish in this lifetime? Stop putting it off. Start now.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 19 May 2016
We are not computers
May 19th, 2016
This discussion has come up with so many people lately, I decided I should blog about it. Technology was never meant to speed things up. The intention was to create more time for the important people and activities in our lives by delegating menial, busy work to a machine. However, we did not know how to make the most of this extra time. We didn't spend more time eating meals as a family or reading great books. Instead, we worked longer hours, doubled our workload and multi-tasked. We also moved off the land and created office cubicles.
We can observe the impact of technology on our nutrition. We are less likely to grow our food and roast a meal throughout the day. We are often away from home at the office therefore we are unable to supervise our garden or our roasts. Therefore, we grab fast food or prepared foods on our way home and zap them in our microwaves.
Technology has sped up our lives. We drive through rush hour traffic to get home from our demanding jobs then we shovel mouthfuls of food into our tense bodies before beginning the frenetic activities of the evening: swimming, gymnastics, hockey, soccer, karate, piano etc. By the time we return home, we squeeze in 30 minutes of homework and fall into our beds.
As a mother, I recall being sleep deprived and drinking coffee from the wee hours of the morning onward in order to function throughout the day. That was a very distinct period of my life. However, I see so many people living off coffee, pop or energy drinks. They have meetings, reports, conferences, deadlines etc. All of it is important and, of course, urgent.
Working in long-term care, I witnessed first-hand how nurses who trained because they were compassionate and had great bed-side manners, burnt out over and over again. Why? They spend so much time filling out paper work in order to maintain funding, avoid being labelled as redundant and prevent liability issues that they hardly have time to connect with their residents. Furthermore, when residents come to them for comfort, they must turn them away because they are already overwhelmed with work. This is a surefire way to destroy the spirit of a compassionate human being who would like nothing more than to connect with residents, hear their stories and offer support.
Our relationships are also impacted by technology. We juggle impossible schedules and attempt to find some down time to connect and catch up. However, by the end of our filled and fast-paced days at work, we are often too wrung out to do much of anything. Instead, we sit in front of the television set, have a glass of wine, maybe hold hands and go to bed. Our children are exposed to technology early on as they suck on our cell phones, watch television programs at home and videos in the van while on the road. Their toys speak to them in both official languages and emit loud noises. They are overstimulated from a young age. Each toy makes different sounds and lights up, little is left to the imagination. I don't recall anyone saying: "I'm bored", when I was growing up yet it is so common these days.
What should have been progress has become a trap. We work hard, compete to climb the ladder to the jobs with the biggest pay. Then, we buy stuff as a symbol of our success. In order to keep our stuff and get more, we work harder to make more money. We look forward to our retirement when we will be able to do all those things we have wanted to do but have been too pooped to do in our lives. We take a week off to spend quality time together. Then we realize that we are strangers, that we are all so consumed with our Facebook, e-mails and x-boxes that our holiday is not what we hoped it would be or, we do spend time together and truly enjoy it, only to return to the our busy schedules as soon as the trip ends.
The computers were supposed to serve us. Somewhere along the way, we became confused. We started to treat ourselves like computers. We expected everything to happen faster. We wanted immediate gratification. We crammed our calendars, uploaded piles of information, imagined that we could multitask and do it all without error. The problem is we are not computers. We are human beings. We need more than upgrades and we are meant to last more than three years. We crave connection, belonging, meaning, love, growth and time for reflection and rest. We require physical contact and neither Facebook, Skype, E-mail or Text can fulfill that need.
The pendulum has swung too far. The proof is in the litres of caffeine required to keep up, the amount of alcohol consumed to numb ourselves, the excessive purchases needed to fill our void. The answer is a return to simplicity-growing herbs or a garden, spending time eating meals as a family, communing with nature, bonding with our children, having unscheduled play time, valuing people over money and living our lives now, not in the future. Creating or reviving rituals to celebrate pivotal moments on our life cycles can also infuse our lives with meaning and belonging.
It's time to focus on what matters: family, friends, good food, rest, nature, reflection, growth and love.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
This discussion has come up with so many people lately, I decided I should blog about it. Technology was never meant to speed things up. The intention was to create more time for the important people and activities in our lives by delegating menial, busy work to a machine. However, we did not know how to make the most of this extra time. We didn't spend more time eating meals as a family or reading great books. Instead, we worked longer hours, doubled our workload and multi-tasked. We also moved off the land and created office cubicles.
We can observe the impact of technology on our nutrition. We are less likely to grow our food and roast a meal throughout the day. We are often away from home at the office therefore we are unable to supervise our garden or our roasts. Therefore, we grab fast food or prepared foods on our way home and zap them in our microwaves.
Technology has sped up our lives. We drive through rush hour traffic to get home from our demanding jobs then we shovel mouthfuls of food into our tense bodies before beginning the frenetic activities of the evening: swimming, gymnastics, hockey, soccer, karate, piano etc. By the time we return home, we squeeze in 30 minutes of homework and fall into our beds.
As a mother, I recall being sleep deprived and drinking coffee from the wee hours of the morning onward in order to function throughout the day. That was a very distinct period of my life. However, I see so many people living off coffee, pop or energy drinks. They have meetings, reports, conferences, deadlines etc. All of it is important and, of course, urgent.
Working in long-term care, I witnessed first-hand how nurses who trained because they were compassionate and had great bed-side manners, burnt out over and over again. Why? They spend so much time filling out paper work in order to maintain funding, avoid being labelled as redundant and prevent liability issues that they hardly have time to connect with their residents. Furthermore, when residents come to them for comfort, they must turn them away because they are already overwhelmed with work. This is a surefire way to destroy the spirit of a compassionate human being who would like nothing more than to connect with residents, hear their stories and offer support.
Our relationships are also impacted by technology. We juggle impossible schedules and attempt to find some down time to connect and catch up. However, by the end of our filled and fast-paced days at work, we are often too wrung out to do much of anything. Instead, we sit in front of the television set, have a glass of wine, maybe hold hands and go to bed. Our children are exposed to technology early on as they suck on our cell phones, watch television programs at home and videos in the van while on the road. Their toys speak to them in both official languages and emit loud noises. They are overstimulated from a young age. Each toy makes different sounds and lights up, little is left to the imagination. I don't recall anyone saying: "I'm bored", when I was growing up yet it is so common these days.
What should have been progress has become a trap. We work hard, compete to climb the ladder to the jobs with the biggest pay. Then, we buy stuff as a symbol of our success. In order to keep our stuff and get more, we work harder to make more money. We look forward to our retirement when we will be able to do all those things we have wanted to do but have been too pooped to do in our lives. We take a week off to spend quality time together. Then we realize that we are strangers, that we are all so consumed with our Facebook, e-mails and x-boxes that our holiday is not what we hoped it would be or, we do spend time together and truly enjoy it, only to return to the our busy schedules as soon as the trip ends.
The computers were supposed to serve us. Somewhere along the way, we became confused. We started to treat ourselves like computers. We expected everything to happen faster. We wanted immediate gratification. We crammed our calendars, uploaded piles of information, imagined that we could multitask and do it all without error. The problem is we are not computers. We are human beings. We need more than upgrades and we are meant to last more than three years. We crave connection, belonging, meaning, love, growth and time for reflection and rest. We require physical contact and neither Facebook, Skype, E-mail or Text can fulfill that need.
The pendulum has swung too far. The proof is in the litres of caffeine required to keep up, the amount of alcohol consumed to numb ourselves, the excessive purchases needed to fill our void. The answer is a return to simplicity-growing herbs or a garden, spending time eating meals as a family, communing with nature, bonding with our children, having unscheduled play time, valuing people over money and living our lives now, not in the future. Creating or reviving rituals to celebrate pivotal moments on our life cycles can also infuse our lives with meaning and belonging.
It's time to focus on what matters: family, friends, good food, rest, nature, reflection, growth and love.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday, 13 March 2016
Night Talks
March 13th, 2016
Every night, my girls want to talk before bed. I used to read stories to them then, we started to make up our own stories, now we have graduated to talking about life. My eldest usually initiates this: "Can we just talk, Mom?" What I find interesting is that I am around throughout the day on weekends, trying to connect with them. This can be difficult at times because they want to do different activities and they each want me to choose their activity. I have to bargain, promising to draw with my eldest then play dolls with my youngest. During the day, they seem so mature. I get a few eye rolls or they resist what I am asking them to do. "Brush my teeth? Why? I'm not going out today?" When night comes around, they want to cuddle and talk. I love it!
They talk about school. I find out who they play with at recess, those friends are sometimes different from the ones who come over for playdates. They tell me their stories about who they "broke up" with and why. They hint at some girls who are mean to them. They ask questions they may not ask during the day when we can see each other's faces.
They confess their fears and share their dreams. My eldest is trying to decide how famous she wants to be. She hates the thought of papparazzi being in her face with their cameras but she is determined to become a superstar. She once described her entire tour schedule. Apparently, her entire tour ends in Brazil. We have never been to Brazil or even talked about Brazil but she studied her map of the world and chose a variety of locations to ensure she spreads herself evenly around the globe. Both my daughters don't want to have children because they don't want their bellies to look like mine :). My eldest wants to get married, my youngest isn't interested in marriage. They both swear they will never move away. They want to stay in their room at the house for the rest of their lives.
I enjoy these conversations because I get to convey my values without preaching, just by responding to their questions and stories. Sometimes I tell them about a mistake I made when I was little and what happened as a consequence. Lately, I've been trying to introduce them to music. On Friday, as we were celebrating the start of March Break, I wanted to share Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd. They were not interested in hearing my "old, boring" music. My husband tries to tell them about David Bowie and the Beatles (more eye rolling from the girls). At least, my eldest is hooked on Michael Jackson. I was a huge fan of his when I was her age. One night, we watched a bunch of his videos, singing and dancing along as a family and she was hooked. Now she imitates him, as I used to do at her age, she has a poster of him in her room and she wishes she could have met him when he was alive.
I am happy and proud to have our night talks. Right now the girls fight to spend time with me but, one day, soon enough, they will be teenagers and they will be harder to reach. I hope our talks create a ritual that maintains the lines of communication open for when we need it the most.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Every night, my girls want to talk before bed. I used to read stories to them then, we started to make up our own stories, now we have graduated to talking about life. My eldest usually initiates this: "Can we just talk, Mom?" What I find interesting is that I am around throughout the day on weekends, trying to connect with them. This can be difficult at times because they want to do different activities and they each want me to choose their activity. I have to bargain, promising to draw with my eldest then play dolls with my youngest. During the day, they seem so mature. I get a few eye rolls or they resist what I am asking them to do. "Brush my teeth? Why? I'm not going out today?" When night comes around, they want to cuddle and talk. I love it!
They talk about school. I find out who they play with at recess, those friends are sometimes different from the ones who come over for playdates. They tell me their stories about who they "broke up" with and why. They hint at some girls who are mean to them. They ask questions they may not ask during the day when we can see each other's faces.
They confess their fears and share their dreams. My eldest is trying to decide how famous she wants to be. She hates the thought of papparazzi being in her face with their cameras but she is determined to become a superstar. She once described her entire tour schedule. Apparently, her entire tour ends in Brazil. We have never been to Brazil or even talked about Brazil but she studied her map of the world and chose a variety of locations to ensure she spreads herself evenly around the globe. Both my daughters don't want to have children because they don't want their bellies to look like mine :). My eldest wants to get married, my youngest isn't interested in marriage. They both swear they will never move away. They want to stay in their room at the house for the rest of their lives.
I enjoy these conversations because I get to convey my values without preaching, just by responding to their questions and stories. Sometimes I tell them about a mistake I made when I was little and what happened as a consequence. Lately, I've been trying to introduce them to music. On Friday, as we were celebrating the start of March Break, I wanted to share Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd. They were not interested in hearing my "old, boring" music. My husband tries to tell them about David Bowie and the Beatles (more eye rolling from the girls). At least, my eldest is hooked on Michael Jackson. I was a huge fan of his when I was her age. One night, we watched a bunch of his videos, singing and dancing along as a family and she was hooked. Now she imitates him, as I used to do at her age, she has a poster of him in her room and she wishes she could have met him when he was alive.
I am happy and proud to have our night talks. Right now the girls fight to spend time with me but, one day, soon enough, they will be teenagers and they will be harder to reach. I hope our talks create a ritual that maintains the lines of communication open for when we need it the most.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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