December 27th, 2016
My husband invited his mother to join us for Christmas this year. I was worried. It is such a relaxing, peaceful, enjoyable holiday. My husband's relationship with his mother is intense. They can talk and laugh then suddenly, out of nowhere, it all takes a wrong turn, hurtful words are spoken, voices are raised. Would this change the feeling of our holiday? I thought it might be the last year that our eldest would believe in Santa and, considering the mess up with our youngest daughter's gift from Santa (still no parcel from Amazon), it might be her last year as well. I didn't want to mess it up.
I enjoy my mother-in-law. She is funny and she is even healthier than during her last visit in the summer so there are more activities we can do. She loves her cup of tea, sweets and talking about everything and anything. I feel comfortable with her. She is direct and I know what she wants, likes and hates, which makes it easy for me.
Whenever she comes for a visit, I observe first-hand how my husband and his mother interact; what annoys him (her saying racist things or recalling past events in a way that shines a more positive light on her), what hurts her (when he raises his voice, asks her to stop talking or says she is being selfish) and, what brings them closer (music, movies, the Queen). As I spent time with my mother and his, I observed how our own expectations can mess up an opportunity to create happy memories. We forget that our parents are human beings with qualities that we take for granted, judge weaknesses that come from their own upbringing and life experiences and, personality traits that make them who they are.
I am reading a book by Melissa Moore called, Whole. I was reading a chapter on forgiveness on Boxing Day. My husband was upset because of something his mother said that he felt was hurtful and inappropriate. I asked him to read that chapter. It seemed to clear the air. The chapter urges people to stop when someone has hurt or angered them and consider the intention of the person, the context in which that person was raised, how their life and belief system were shaped. If you can think of that person as another soul on a journey toward personal growth, you realize that you are also imperfect, a fellow traveller.
Christmas is a time to celebrate but it is also filled with expectations. Whatever conflicts or issues already exist seem to be intensified over the holidays. Stepping back from our expectations, we create space to let each person bring what they can, to show up "as is" and be loved. Everyone needs to belong to a group. On Christmas Day, my mother-in-law was overwhelmed when she received a full stocking (a first for her) and gifts from my mother, her son, the children and myself. She started to cry and we were all taken aback. We asked what was wrong and she just said she felt loved and it was a bit overwhelming. We all stopped what we were doing, even the kids, and gave her a hug.
That one moment transformed Christmas morning for me. I imagined what it must be like to never receive a gift or stocking at Christmas, or to not feel loved or never feel that you belong to any group. I was so moved and it made me grateful for the love in my life. Our daughters watched her in awe. They were so sweet to her, fetching her slippers, bringing a foot stool and offering her candy. I was proud of my girls. Sometimes, you need to be confronted with someone's pain in order to notice the absence of it in your own life. We are so lucky. We have each other, we love one another and only want what's best for everyone.
I am grateful for my mother-in-law. She brought an appreciation of Christmas for us. She gave our daughters an opportunity to be compassionate and helpful. My husband learned to accept her as she is, flawed but still the woman who gave him life. I am grateful for my family. They are kind and loving and I am thrilled to belong them. Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you are all safe, loved and at peace!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label belonging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label belonging. Show all posts
Tuesday, 27 December 2016
Thursday, 3 November 2016
Halloween and our Sense of Community
November 3rd, 2016
On Monday, like every other parent, we took our children trick or treating. They got dressed up, applied their face make-up and grabbed a pillow case. We visited our friends' houses first then we headed out to the homes of strangers.
As the children walked from door to door, we bumped into people we know from the community. I got to meet the children of some adults I know through business. The girls got to meet the parents of children they know from school or gymnastics.
As the girls collected candy, we listened to make sure they said thank you. We watched them interacting with adults of all ages and abilities. They pet dogs and cats, talked about their costumes and asked some adults who were dressed-up what they were dressed as.
There is a festive mood in the air as children and their parents walk freely through the streets, enjoying the experience, showing off their costumes, gathering candy like gold and meeting the neighbours.
Recently, when I attended Sources of Strength training, we talked about the resilience of people in Latin America. Two of the factors responsible for this resilience are 1) a sense of belonging to their community and, 2) close ties to their family.
My husband and I are lucky. We get to work from home. This means we spend more time with our children than most people. I was thinking about occasions like Halloween when we get to connect with our community. I like taking the girls to Canada Day celebrations, Pirate Day, Ribfest, the Santa Parade and other local celebrations. We meet local business owners and bump into acquaintances and friends from the community. Going to Gymnastics each week is also an opportunity to get to know other families. We have a Summer Bash every year where we invite the girls' friends and their families. They spend most of the evening in the pool but we get to mingle with parents and expand our circle of friendships.
I believe we would be stronger as a community and as families if there were more opportunities to socialize like block parties, BBQs, game nights and family days. We have many empty buildings in this community. They could be transformed into indoor pools, movie theatres and games areas. I feel safer living in a connected community where my children and I know the names of our neighbours. Don't you?
On Monday, like every other parent, we took our children trick or treating. They got dressed up, applied their face make-up and grabbed a pillow case. We visited our friends' houses first then we headed out to the homes of strangers.
As the children walked from door to door, we bumped into people we know from the community. I got to meet the children of some adults I know through business. The girls got to meet the parents of children they know from school or gymnastics.
As the girls collected candy, we listened to make sure they said thank you. We watched them interacting with adults of all ages and abilities. They pet dogs and cats, talked about their costumes and asked some adults who were dressed-up what they were dressed as.
There is a festive mood in the air as children and their parents walk freely through the streets, enjoying the experience, showing off their costumes, gathering candy like gold and meeting the neighbours.
Recently, when I attended Sources of Strength training, we talked about the resilience of people in Latin America. Two of the factors responsible for this resilience are 1) a sense of belonging to their community and, 2) close ties to their family.
My husband and I are lucky. We get to work from home. This means we spend more time with our children than most people. I was thinking about occasions like Halloween when we get to connect with our community. I like taking the girls to Canada Day celebrations, Pirate Day, Ribfest, the Santa Parade and other local celebrations. We meet local business owners and bump into acquaintances and friends from the community. Going to Gymnastics each week is also an opportunity to get to know other families. We have a Summer Bash every year where we invite the girls' friends and their families. They spend most of the evening in the pool but we get to mingle with parents and expand our circle of friendships.
I believe we would be stronger as a community and as families if there were more opportunities to socialize like block parties, BBQs, game nights and family days. We have many empty buildings in this community. They could be transformed into indoor pools, movie theatres and games areas. I feel safer living in a connected community where my children and I know the names of our neighbours. Don't you?
Thursday, 8 September 2016
Religion and Spirituality
September 8th, 2016
My grandmother was never very religious. When her children were young, they would all go to Church on Sundays but as the children got older the tradition came to a halt. My grandfather gave a lot of money to the Church and he helped out every Sunday. One day he was battling a flu and didn't think he could go to mass. He didn't want to let the priest down so he had a bit of Brandy in milk before he left. He confessed to the priest that he had done this and, when the time came to receive communion, the priest refused to give my grandfather the Holy Host. He never went to Church after that.
Growing up, my mother did not talk about God. She wasn't a believer. We went to Church for a few years because my Aunt Mary and Uncle Paul would pick us up, take us to Sunday Service and treat us to a meal at the Ponderosa Steakhouse afterwards. We were poor and starving so we sat through Church in order to eat every Sunday. When their own son had children, Paul and Mary stopped coming to see us and our routine of attending Church ended.
In my first year of University, I was approached by Campus Crusade for Christ during orientation. They were asking students to fill in their contact information. The hallways were packed. I couldn't go anywhere and this woman with a kind face asked for my phone number. I took the paper thinking I would write the wrong number. To my surprise, I wrote the right one. Then I thought if I could walk forwards just a little bit, I could ball up my paper and throw it in the bin. The lady with the sweet face took the paper out of my hands. I figured I would just tell her I wasn't interested when she called. About eight weeks into the semester, I realized they hadn't called me yet, I was sort of miffed about it. I don't know why. When the call came, I agreed to meet with Laurie, the kind lady. I was curious.
She gave me a copy of the new testament and showed me the diagram of how I had been saved. She informed me that God had a plan for me and all I had to do was accept Jesus into my life. I read the entire New Testament and I became involved with Campus Crusade for a few years. The feeling of having a purpose, of being on the right track and belonging to a group appealed to me. I was on a mission. I met some great people and became quite spiritual. I tried going to Church but the Catholic Church sermons bored me. They were mechanical and the rituals felt empty. I went to a Pentecostal Church with Laurie. I enjoyed meeting her friends but the sermon did not move me. There was an Anglican Church close to the University. I tried it and it was my favourite. They served actual bread and wine during the service which felt more authentic. People lingered after the sermon to have coffee and dessert in the basement. I ended up in the kitchen cleaning dishes with a group of women. I didn't feel judged which was in sharp contrast to every other Church experience I'd ever had. The people there chatted, seeming happy to see one another. They weren't gossipy.
I was quite religious for a few years. I took an elective in University on the religions of the world. Buddhism and Taoism intrigued me. Their statements were very philosophical and I could see their practical applications in everyday life. Over the years, I have come to my own understanding and mix of beliefs. I don't take my daughters to Church but I teach them to be kind to people. I talk about death and angels, energy and spirit. I answer their questions to the best of my ability and let them know that other people believe other things. I encourage them to think for themselves, ask questions, try out prayer, mediation, gratitude journals, yoga and communicating with their Guardian Angels.
It used to be if you didn't go to Church you went to Hell, everyone knew and feared it. This resulted in watching each other, judging one another and being hypocritical to convince others that we were a righteous disciple. The Church can be a great place for some where they feel welcomed, take comfort in the rituals and spend time communing with God, family and community. However, more than ever now, people are turning away from the rigidity of religion. They are either deciding to believe in nothing or science or, to develop their own mix of spirituality, borrowing from different belief systems.
I still consider myself to be a spiritual person. I believe that we are all here for a reason, that people and situations are in our lives for a reason and that synchronicity exists to let us know we are on the right track. I pray for help or guidance before I meet with clients or if I am struggling in my personal life. I meditate and keep a gratitude log in my journal. I do my best to be kind and to help others when I have the opportunity to do so. Each religion promotes love and kindness, the only difference is in how this is expressed. The saddest thing ever is when two individuals fight over their beliefs and harm one another. I love that we live in a country where we can decide what to believe and still be friends with others who have different spiritual convictions. Go with whatever makes you a calmer, more loving and fulfilled person.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
My grandmother was never very religious. When her children were young, they would all go to Church on Sundays but as the children got older the tradition came to a halt. My grandfather gave a lot of money to the Church and he helped out every Sunday. One day he was battling a flu and didn't think he could go to mass. He didn't want to let the priest down so he had a bit of Brandy in milk before he left. He confessed to the priest that he had done this and, when the time came to receive communion, the priest refused to give my grandfather the Holy Host. He never went to Church after that.
Growing up, my mother did not talk about God. She wasn't a believer. We went to Church for a few years because my Aunt Mary and Uncle Paul would pick us up, take us to Sunday Service and treat us to a meal at the Ponderosa Steakhouse afterwards. We were poor and starving so we sat through Church in order to eat every Sunday. When their own son had children, Paul and Mary stopped coming to see us and our routine of attending Church ended.
In my first year of University, I was approached by Campus Crusade for Christ during orientation. They were asking students to fill in their contact information. The hallways were packed. I couldn't go anywhere and this woman with a kind face asked for my phone number. I took the paper thinking I would write the wrong number. To my surprise, I wrote the right one. Then I thought if I could walk forwards just a little bit, I could ball up my paper and throw it in the bin. The lady with the sweet face took the paper out of my hands. I figured I would just tell her I wasn't interested when she called. About eight weeks into the semester, I realized they hadn't called me yet, I was sort of miffed about it. I don't know why. When the call came, I agreed to meet with Laurie, the kind lady. I was curious.
She gave me a copy of the new testament and showed me the diagram of how I had been saved. She informed me that God had a plan for me and all I had to do was accept Jesus into my life. I read the entire New Testament and I became involved with Campus Crusade for a few years. The feeling of having a purpose, of being on the right track and belonging to a group appealed to me. I was on a mission. I met some great people and became quite spiritual. I tried going to Church but the Catholic Church sermons bored me. They were mechanical and the rituals felt empty. I went to a Pentecostal Church with Laurie. I enjoyed meeting her friends but the sermon did not move me. There was an Anglican Church close to the University. I tried it and it was my favourite. They served actual bread and wine during the service which felt more authentic. People lingered after the sermon to have coffee and dessert in the basement. I ended up in the kitchen cleaning dishes with a group of women. I didn't feel judged which was in sharp contrast to every other Church experience I'd ever had. The people there chatted, seeming happy to see one another. They weren't gossipy.
I was quite religious for a few years. I took an elective in University on the religions of the world. Buddhism and Taoism intrigued me. Their statements were very philosophical and I could see their practical applications in everyday life. Over the years, I have come to my own understanding and mix of beliefs. I don't take my daughters to Church but I teach them to be kind to people. I talk about death and angels, energy and spirit. I answer their questions to the best of my ability and let them know that other people believe other things. I encourage them to think for themselves, ask questions, try out prayer, mediation, gratitude journals, yoga and communicating with their Guardian Angels.
It used to be if you didn't go to Church you went to Hell, everyone knew and feared it. This resulted in watching each other, judging one another and being hypocritical to convince others that we were a righteous disciple. The Church can be a great place for some where they feel welcomed, take comfort in the rituals and spend time communing with God, family and community. However, more than ever now, people are turning away from the rigidity of religion. They are either deciding to believe in nothing or science or, to develop their own mix of spirituality, borrowing from different belief systems.
I still consider myself to be a spiritual person. I believe that we are all here for a reason, that people and situations are in our lives for a reason and that synchronicity exists to let us know we are on the right track. I pray for help or guidance before I meet with clients or if I am struggling in my personal life. I meditate and keep a gratitude log in my journal. I do my best to be kind and to help others when I have the opportunity to do so. Each religion promotes love and kindness, the only difference is in how this is expressed. The saddest thing ever is when two individuals fight over their beliefs and harm one another. I love that we live in a country where we can decide what to believe and still be friends with others who have different spiritual convictions. Go with whatever makes you a calmer, more loving and fulfilled person.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 24 May 2016
Friendships
May 24th, 2016
What did you do over the long weekend? We had amazing weather! We seem to have suddenly fallen into summer. We ate outdoors and the trampoline got plenty of use and, we hung out at Baxter's Beach for the first time this season. The Ice Cream Float was out, that is the name of a boat. It belongs to a super sweet man who crosses the river from his home to Baxter's Beach in his boat in order to sell ice cream to hoards of overheated and eagerly awaiting children. The beach is my zone and I could spend the entire day (my whole life) there. My children usually want to go home after a few hours. Sigh!
I was thinking about friendships over the weekend. My youngest daughter had her friend Ruby over to the house. They are both seven years old and were so excited to spend time together. They created masterpieces at our dining room table then had some lunch while watching Teen Titans. They spent a good 30 minutes on the trampoline then I challenged them with a treasure hunt. They had to jump rope, pick flowers from our property, do somersaults across the lawn, race on bouncy balls and swing to another galaxy on our swing set. They played with dolls for a while then they drew with chalk on the back deck. They were having a great time. By the time Ruby's Mom came over to pick her up, Ruby wanted to sleep over. My daughters and her had planned their whole evening while they drew flowers and rainbows all over the deck. When her mother said no, Ruby was very disappointed. My eldest daughter is 10 years old but she had played with my youngest and her friend and they had quickly bonded. I truly enjoyed our day. I love being around young ones because they are in the moment, savouring each activity, participating fully. They love each other so deeply and their friendships are so precious. It's really heartwarming.
That evening, my husband set out to meet a friend of his who was visiting from Norway. They have been friends for a long time. They don't see each other often, due to distance, but when they spend time together it's as if no time has elapsed. They both had children later in life and married in the same year. Becoming fathers has changed them both, deepening their friendship. He came home the next morning seeming happier and even more appreciative of our daughters. I caught a glimpse of him holding our youngest daughter, smiling, content.
My husband has also developed a new relationship recently with the father of one of our eldest daughter's friends. They both love music and beer and they are like two children when they get together, joking, excited and happy. This has been a great friendship for them. They go out every two weeks on their "Bro-date". I can tell they look forward to it and they both get something out of it. I am glad that they have found each other.
I meet a friend of mine every week. We go for walks and we talk about our lives, our challenges, our aspirations and the really cool people we have met. I look forward to our walks because it is great exercise for me and I feel great afterwards. However, I mostly enjoy our time together. Our conversations make me think and force me to view the world in a different way. Last week, another lady I had met through volunteering at my daughter's school asked if she could join us. I look forward to getting to know her. She is one of those people who has an open face, friendly, honest and kind. I am excited for this week's walk. I also stay in touch with friends from previous phases of my life. We catch up on Facebook, via e-mail or, if they are in Ottawa, we connect for coffee once in a while. Again, it feels as though no time has elapsed every time we meet.
Seeing my friends fills me up. I have more energy, I am more patient with my husband and children after a date with a friend and, I connect with different parts of myself through my friendships. Some friends are more intellectual, we will bounce ideas off one another and grow in awareness together. Other friends are silly and naughty and they teach me to relax and enjoy my life. My creative friends set me on fire. I leave our meet ups feeling energized and motivated to express myself in bold new ways.
I can see how my daughters learn about themselves through friendships as well. They learn to communicate, share and empathize. They feel special because this person wants to be their friend. They get a sense of belonging and they identify with what they have in common whether that's a love of gymnastics, a favourite colour or having long blond hair.
Friendships are so important for us as human beings. I wanted to celebrate the role of friendships in today's post. If you don't have a few close friends, participate in activities you enjoy in order to meet like-minded people. Don't be afraid to approach people and ask them if they'd like to grab a coffee or go for a walk. There are lots of fascinating people out there just waiting to be discovered, like you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
What did you do over the long weekend? We had amazing weather! We seem to have suddenly fallen into summer. We ate outdoors and the trampoline got plenty of use and, we hung out at Baxter's Beach for the first time this season. The Ice Cream Float was out, that is the name of a boat. It belongs to a super sweet man who crosses the river from his home to Baxter's Beach in his boat in order to sell ice cream to hoards of overheated and eagerly awaiting children. The beach is my zone and I could spend the entire day (my whole life) there. My children usually want to go home after a few hours. Sigh!
I was thinking about friendships over the weekend. My youngest daughter had her friend Ruby over to the house. They are both seven years old and were so excited to spend time together. They created masterpieces at our dining room table then had some lunch while watching Teen Titans. They spent a good 30 minutes on the trampoline then I challenged them with a treasure hunt. They had to jump rope, pick flowers from our property, do somersaults across the lawn, race on bouncy balls and swing to another galaxy on our swing set. They played with dolls for a while then they drew with chalk on the back deck. They were having a great time. By the time Ruby's Mom came over to pick her up, Ruby wanted to sleep over. My daughters and her had planned their whole evening while they drew flowers and rainbows all over the deck. When her mother said no, Ruby was very disappointed. My eldest daughter is 10 years old but she had played with my youngest and her friend and they had quickly bonded. I truly enjoyed our day. I love being around young ones because they are in the moment, savouring each activity, participating fully. They love each other so deeply and their friendships are so precious. It's really heartwarming.
That evening, my husband set out to meet a friend of his who was visiting from Norway. They have been friends for a long time. They don't see each other often, due to distance, but when they spend time together it's as if no time has elapsed. They both had children later in life and married in the same year. Becoming fathers has changed them both, deepening their friendship. He came home the next morning seeming happier and even more appreciative of our daughters. I caught a glimpse of him holding our youngest daughter, smiling, content.
My husband has also developed a new relationship recently with the father of one of our eldest daughter's friends. They both love music and beer and they are like two children when they get together, joking, excited and happy. This has been a great friendship for them. They go out every two weeks on their "Bro-date". I can tell they look forward to it and they both get something out of it. I am glad that they have found each other.
I meet a friend of mine every week. We go for walks and we talk about our lives, our challenges, our aspirations and the really cool people we have met. I look forward to our walks because it is great exercise for me and I feel great afterwards. However, I mostly enjoy our time together. Our conversations make me think and force me to view the world in a different way. Last week, another lady I had met through volunteering at my daughter's school asked if she could join us. I look forward to getting to know her. She is one of those people who has an open face, friendly, honest and kind. I am excited for this week's walk. I also stay in touch with friends from previous phases of my life. We catch up on Facebook, via e-mail or, if they are in Ottawa, we connect for coffee once in a while. Again, it feels as though no time has elapsed every time we meet.
Seeing my friends fills me up. I have more energy, I am more patient with my husband and children after a date with a friend and, I connect with different parts of myself through my friendships. Some friends are more intellectual, we will bounce ideas off one another and grow in awareness together. Other friends are silly and naughty and they teach me to relax and enjoy my life. My creative friends set me on fire. I leave our meet ups feeling energized and motivated to express myself in bold new ways.
I can see how my daughters learn about themselves through friendships as well. They learn to communicate, share and empathize. They feel special because this person wants to be their friend. They get a sense of belonging and they identify with what they have in common whether that's a love of gymnastics, a favourite colour or having long blond hair.
Friendships are so important for us as human beings. I wanted to celebrate the role of friendships in today's post. If you don't have a few close friends, participate in activities you enjoy in order to meet like-minded people. Don't be afraid to approach people and ask them if they'd like to grab a coffee or go for a walk. There are lots of fascinating people out there just waiting to be discovered, like you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 19 May 2016
We are not computers
May 19th, 2016
This discussion has come up with so many people lately, I decided I should blog about it. Technology was never meant to speed things up. The intention was to create more time for the important people and activities in our lives by delegating menial, busy work to a machine. However, we did not know how to make the most of this extra time. We didn't spend more time eating meals as a family or reading great books. Instead, we worked longer hours, doubled our workload and multi-tasked. We also moved off the land and created office cubicles.
We can observe the impact of technology on our nutrition. We are less likely to grow our food and roast a meal throughout the day. We are often away from home at the office therefore we are unable to supervise our garden or our roasts. Therefore, we grab fast food or prepared foods on our way home and zap them in our microwaves.
Technology has sped up our lives. We drive through rush hour traffic to get home from our demanding jobs then we shovel mouthfuls of food into our tense bodies before beginning the frenetic activities of the evening: swimming, gymnastics, hockey, soccer, karate, piano etc. By the time we return home, we squeeze in 30 minutes of homework and fall into our beds.
As a mother, I recall being sleep deprived and drinking coffee from the wee hours of the morning onward in order to function throughout the day. That was a very distinct period of my life. However, I see so many people living off coffee, pop or energy drinks. They have meetings, reports, conferences, deadlines etc. All of it is important and, of course, urgent.
Working in long-term care, I witnessed first-hand how nurses who trained because they were compassionate and had great bed-side manners, burnt out over and over again. Why? They spend so much time filling out paper work in order to maintain funding, avoid being labelled as redundant and prevent liability issues that they hardly have time to connect with their residents. Furthermore, when residents come to them for comfort, they must turn them away because they are already overwhelmed with work. This is a surefire way to destroy the spirit of a compassionate human being who would like nothing more than to connect with residents, hear their stories and offer support.
Our relationships are also impacted by technology. We juggle impossible schedules and attempt to find some down time to connect and catch up. However, by the end of our filled and fast-paced days at work, we are often too wrung out to do much of anything. Instead, we sit in front of the television set, have a glass of wine, maybe hold hands and go to bed. Our children are exposed to technology early on as they suck on our cell phones, watch television programs at home and videos in the van while on the road. Their toys speak to them in both official languages and emit loud noises. They are overstimulated from a young age. Each toy makes different sounds and lights up, little is left to the imagination. I don't recall anyone saying: "I'm bored", when I was growing up yet it is so common these days.
What should have been progress has become a trap. We work hard, compete to climb the ladder to the jobs with the biggest pay. Then, we buy stuff as a symbol of our success. In order to keep our stuff and get more, we work harder to make more money. We look forward to our retirement when we will be able to do all those things we have wanted to do but have been too pooped to do in our lives. We take a week off to spend quality time together. Then we realize that we are strangers, that we are all so consumed with our Facebook, e-mails and x-boxes that our holiday is not what we hoped it would be or, we do spend time together and truly enjoy it, only to return to the our busy schedules as soon as the trip ends.
The computers were supposed to serve us. Somewhere along the way, we became confused. We started to treat ourselves like computers. We expected everything to happen faster. We wanted immediate gratification. We crammed our calendars, uploaded piles of information, imagined that we could multitask and do it all without error. The problem is we are not computers. We are human beings. We need more than upgrades and we are meant to last more than three years. We crave connection, belonging, meaning, love, growth and time for reflection and rest. We require physical contact and neither Facebook, Skype, E-mail or Text can fulfill that need.
The pendulum has swung too far. The proof is in the litres of caffeine required to keep up, the amount of alcohol consumed to numb ourselves, the excessive purchases needed to fill our void. The answer is a return to simplicity-growing herbs or a garden, spending time eating meals as a family, communing with nature, bonding with our children, having unscheduled play time, valuing people over money and living our lives now, not in the future. Creating or reviving rituals to celebrate pivotal moments on our life cycles can also infuse our lives with meaning and belonging.
It's time to focus on what matters: family, friends, good food, rest, nature, reflection, growth and love.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
This discussion has come up with so many people lately, I decided I should blog about it. Technology was never meant to speed things up. The intention was to create more time for the important people and activities in our lives by delegating menial, busy work to a machine. However, we did not know how to make the most of this extra time. We didn't spend more time eating meals as a family or reading great books. Instead, we worked longer hours, doubled our workload and multi-tasked. We also moved off the land and created office cubicles.
We can observe the impact of technology on our nutrition. We are less likely to grow our food and roast a meal throughout the day. We are often away from home at the office therefore we are unable to supervise our garden or our roasts. Therefore, we grab fast food or prepared foods on our way home and zap them in our microwaves.
Technology has sped up our lives. We drive through rush hour traffic to get home from our demanding jobs then we shovel mouthfuls of food into our tense bodies before beginning the frenetic activities of the evening: swimming, gymnastics, hockey, soccer, karate, piano etc. By the time we return home, we squeeze in 30 minutes of homework and fall into our beds.
As a mother, I recall being sleep deprived and drinking coffee from the wee hours of the morning onward in order to function throughout the day. That was a very distinct period of my life. However, I see so many people living off coffee, pop or energy drinks. They have meetings, reports, conferences, deadlines etc. All of it is important and, of course, urgent.
Working in long-term care, I witnessed first-hand how nurses who trained because they were compassionate and had great bed-side manners, burnt out over and over again. Why? They spend so much time filling out paper work in order to maintain funding, avoid being labelled as redundant and prevent liability issues that they hardly have time to connect with their residents. Furthermore, when residents come to them for comfort, they must turn them away because they are already overwhelmed with work. This is a surefire way to destroy the spirit of a compassionate human being who would like nothing more than to connect with residents, hear their stories and offer support.
Our relationships are also impacted by technology. We juggle impossible schedules and attempt to find some down time to connect and catch up. However, by the end of our filled and fast-paced days at work, we are often too wrung out to do much of anything. Instead, we sit in front of the television set, have a glass of wine, maybe hold hands and go to bed. Our children are exposed to technology early on as they suck on our cell phones, watch television programs at home and videos in the van while on the road. Their toys speak to them in both official languages and emit loud noises. They are overstimulated from a young age. Each toy makes different sounds and lights up, little is left to the imagination. I don't recall anyone saying: "I'm bored", when I was growing up yet it is so common these days.
What should have been progress has become a trap. We work hard, compete to climb the ladder to the jobs with the biggest pay. Then, we buy stuff as a symbol of our success. In order to keep our stuff and get more, we work harder to make more money. We look forward to our retirement when we will be able to do all those things we have wanted to do but have been too pooped to do in our lives. We take a week off to spend quality time together. Then we realize that we are strangers, that we are all so consumed with our Facebook, e-mails and x-boxes that our holiday is not what we hoped it would be or, we do spend time together and truly enjoy it, only to return to the our busy schedules as soon as the trip ends.
The computers were supposed to serve us. Somewhere along the way, we became confused. We started to treat ourselves like computers. We expected everything to happen faster. We wanted immediate gratification. We crammed our calendars, uploaded piles of information, imagined that we could multitask and do it all without error. The problem is we are not computers. We are human beings. We need more than upgrades and we are meant to last more than three years. We crave connection, belonging, meaning, love, growth and time for reflection and rest. We require physical contact and neither Facebook, Skype, E-mail or Text can fulfill that need.
The pendulum has swung too far. The proof is in the litres of caffeine required to keep up, the amount of alcohol consumed to numb ourselves, the excessive purchases needed to fill our void. The answer is a return to simplicity-growing herbs or a garden, spending time eating meals as a family, communing with nature, bonding with our children, having unscheduled play time, valuing people over money and living our lives now, not in the future. Creating or reviving rituals to celebrate pivotal moments on our life cycles can also infuse our lives with meaning and belonging.
It's time to focus on what matters: family, friends, good food, rest, nature, reflection, growth and love.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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