December 20th, 2016
My husband is now officially off for the holidays. I spent all of yesterday cleaning up various parts of the house and by the end of the day I had to go to bad at 6:30pm from the exhaustion. It feels like I have been de-cluttering and cleaning for months.
Today, as I was cleaning the refrigerator, a thought kept popping into my mind. Somewhere out there, someone is feeling discouraged and hopeless. Someone will commit suicide before the end of 2016. The statistics on suicide are staggering. It makes me sad and frightens me all at once. I am sad that so many people feel alone and helpless. I feel sad for parents who have lost their son or daughter in such a senseless way. It frightens me because I have two daughters. What if this happens to me? I can't imagine I would survive. One thing is for sure, I would never be the same. Which brings me back to the topic of this post.
If you want to kill yourself and you are reading this, please give me a moment. I know you are in pain. You can't imagine that anyone would care if you were gone. Consider this. Your thoughts are not helping you right now. You feel an urgent need, a desperation to end the pain. However, if you end it all right now, there will never be a better moment. This is as good as your life will ever get. I have met many people who once considered suicide. They are now in a much better place and so grateful that they did not go through with it. Things can only get better if you hang on long enough.
As for the people you leave behind, they will be in pain, riddled with questions, racked with guilt. They will go on with the hole that your death has left in their heart, wondering why you didn't talk to them about how you were feeling. They will be haunted by your absence. Your pain will never go away, it will just be passed on to the people who survive.
So, what can you do about your pain? Reach out to people, those you know, or just compassionate strangers. Go somewhere where you can be surrounded by people. Seek out the company of friends or just head over to a sports game or a movie and see if you can bump into people you know. Sit with your pain. Pain comes in waves. If you choose to ride the wave, know that it will end. When it does, you will have options. Killing yourself leaves no choices.
If you feel nothing but self-loathing, try treating yourself as you would a stranger who is suffering. Be kind and gentle, taking care of your needs (feeding, bathing, sleeping, hugging, calling on others for help). If you can't tell people how you feel because you fear that you will cry and "lose it", write a letter about your pain and share it with someone you trust.
Are you feeling helpless? That means you can't see your power to make your life any better. You may be right. You may not be in a place where you can make the right decisions for yourself. That is why you ask for help. If nothing else, you have the power to choose life, to live on another day and open yourself up to the possibility that life will get better, not just because you stayed alive but because you faced your pain and survived, because you reached out to a friend or stranger and they helped you, because a therapist or health worker shifted your perspective just enough to give you hope.
If you think no one will mourn you, imagine that I tell you I want to die. You don't know me. However, you will be moved by my desperation and you will want me to live because my story isn't finished, there is another chapter right around the corner. I just can't see that right now. Strangers and acquaintances will be hurt by your death. Your family is more than just parents and siblings. Think about your aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces and nephews, all the people whose lives are connected to yours. If you have children, know that your children will always blame themselves. They won't understand. Their lives will be traumatized. Get yourself some support so you can be around to watch them grow and blossom.
Whatever pain you are going through right now will pass. It is temporary. Death is permanent. If you have read this and have a plan in mind to end your life, please dial 911 and ask for help. Once the crisis has passed and you can see your life as filled with possibilities, please write to me and let me know you have faced your wave of pain and come out the other side. I will be happy to hear from you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Tuesday, 20 December 2016
Thursday, 15 December 2016
It Takes A Village-Where Have All the Sitters Gone?
December 15th, 2016
I was working as my husband's assistant yesterday. Once again, I enjoyed it. The day goes by so quickly, you meet interesting people, you hear about their stories and watch them get an impressive makeover. I think there should be a series about a hairstylist and his family featuring all the regular clients. There would be no end to the material this could cover.
I have been very frustrated lately by the lack of babysitters in our area. As a couple with young children, you need to get out and have an adult conversation on a regular basis. You also want to interact in a romantic way, dressing up, having some bubbly and flirting like you used to. Being a parent is rewarding but you need support and I do not feel that there are adequate supports out there. In some cultures, the mothers have large families and their sisters, mothers, aunts form a huge support system. When you only have one parent or no siblings and you don't live in a culture that promotes the support of parents, it's easy to forget that you exist outside of this role. It can be challenging to stay connected and sexually active with your spouse.
In the absence of support from a family system, modern couples are forced to depend on strangers to watch over their little ones while they get out for some adult time. We were so lucky to have the same babysitter for years. She lived up the road, we knew her mother and she was great with our children. Our daughters loved her and always looked forward to her visits. Her mother was an elementary school teacher. She would often send some craft materials for our children to explore with her daughter. In short, those years were blissful.
Then, she grew up, got a real job and we set off on our search for a new sitter. The girls were heartbroken but when they met a friend of their old babysitter, they were hooked. She was very outgoing and affectionate and the girls were so excited. However, she decided that she could only babysit once a month due to her other job and school and her tutor. We try to get out for supper every week. She recommended her friend. We met with her, the girls saw her long, beautiful hair and were hopeful. They love doing each other's hair and nails. She came over to babysit once or twice but she wasn't available on a few occasions and didn't let me know. She also cancelled at the last minute and asked me to drive her 30 minutes away to a party on another night. This all happened in a six week period. As much as the girls loved her, we needed someone more reliable.
I learned that there was a local network of babysitters on Facebook. I signed up and e-mailed a bunch of them. Some had moved away or were just available in the summer months, most were not willing to come on a weekly basis. Teens whose parents are divorced are often only available when they are with one of their parents, the one who lives in our neighbourhood. We seem to be stuck between two age groups. The older sitters have their own cars but they are busy with part-time jobs or social engagements therefore they are more interested in occasional sitting. The younger sitters will grow with our girls. They are more available but it takes forever to meet them because they have to figure out a time that one of their parents can come with them to check you out. If they don't live close by, you may have a 25 minute drive after each date night. We are waiting to meet with a 14 year old potential babysitter and her mother. Will she be the one? I hope so, we are exhausted and the poor girls have been disappointed over and over again.
As I looked at the Babysitter Facebook page, I noticed just how many families have requested help for one day a week or one segment of each weekday. I said to my husband, if I didn't have my own children, I would just create a calendar with the information from all these families and make a business of it. You could make a killing, there are so many families in need. We only need to go out for two-three hours every Saturday night and we pay well. It shouldn't be that difficult to find someone. We have two well-behaved, adorable girls who are so easy to watch. I can't imagine how hard it must be for parents with younger children or a child with special needs.
If you are a teenager or the parent of a teenager, there is a need for decent babysitters. Couples like us are looking for you, to be part of our village, to make us stronger as a couple and a family thanks to a more balanced life which includes down time and romance.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I was working as my husband's assistant yesterday. Once again, I enjoyed it. The day goes by so quickly, you meet interesting people, you hear about their stories and watch them get an impressive makeover. I think there should be a series about a hairstylist and his family featuring all the regular clients. There would be no end to the material this could cover.
I have been very frustrated lately by the lack of babysitters in our area. As a couple with young children, you need to get out and have an adult conversation on a regular basis. You also want to interact in a romantic way, dressing up, having some bubbly and flirting like you used to. Being a parent is rewarding but you need support and I do not feel that there are adequate supports out there. In some cultures, the mothers have large families and their sisters, mothers, aunts form a huge support system. When you only have one parent or no siblings and you don't live in a culture that promotes the support of parents, it's easy to forget that you exist outside of this role. It can be challenging to stay connected and sexually active with your spouse.
In the absence of support from a family system, modern couples are forced to depend on strangers to watch over their little ones while they get out for some adult time. We were so lucky to have the same babysitter for years. She lived up the road, we knew her mother and she was great with our children. Our daughters loved her and always looked forward to her visits. Her mother was an elementary school teacher. She would often send some craft materials for our children to explore with her daughter. In short, those years were blissful.
Then, she grew up, got a real job and we set off on our search for a new sitter. The girls were heartbroken but when they met a friend of their old babysitter, they were hooked. She was very outgoing and affectionate and the girls were so excited. However, she decided that she could only babysit once a month due to her other job and school and her tutor. We try to get out for supper every week. She recommended her friend. We met with her, the girls saw her long, beautiful hair and were hopeful. They love doing each other's hair and nails. She came over to babysit once or twice but she wasn't available on a few occasions and didn't let me know. She also cancelled at the last minute and asked me to drive her 30 minutes away to a party on another night. This all happened in a six week period. As much as the girls loved her, we needed someone more reliable.
I learned that there was a local network of babysitters on Facebook. I signed up and e-mailed a bunch of them. Some had moved away or were just available in the summer months, most were not willing to come on a weekly basis. Teens whose parents are divorced are often only available when they are with one of their parents, the one who lives in our neighbourhood. We seem to be stuck between two age groups. The older sitters have their own cars but they are busy with part-time jobs or social engagements therefore they are more interested in occasional sitting. The younger sitters will grow with our girls. They are more available but it takes forever to meet them because they have to figure out a time that one of their parents can come with them to check you out. If they don't live close by, you may have a 25 minute drive after each date night. We are waiting to meet with a 14 year old potential babysitter and her mother. Will she be the one? I hope so, we are exhausted and the poor girls have been disappointed over and over again.
As I looked at the Babysitter Facebook page, I noticed just how many families have requested help for one day a week or one segment of each weekday. I said to my husband, if I didn't have my own children, I would just create a calendar with the information from all these families and make a business of it. You could make a killing, there are so many families in need. We only need to go out for two-three hours every Saturday night and we pay well. It shouldn't be that difficult to find someone. We have two well-behaved, adorable girls who are so easy to watch. I can't imagine how hard it must be for parents with younger children or a child with special needs.
If you are a teenager or the parent of a teenager, there is a need for decent babysitters. Couples like us are looking for you, to be part of our village, to make us stronger as a couple and a family thanks to a more balanced life which includes down time and romance.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 8 December 2016
When Mama Needs a Break
December 8th, 2016
I have been reading, Leave Me, by Gayle Forman. This novel tells the story of a woman in her 40s who suffers a heart attack. She is in denial, pushing through her symptoms until her discomfort frightens her. Even after she is told that what she experienced is a heart attack, she refuses to believe it. It can’t be, she is too busy, can’t fit it into her schedule. This can’t be happening to her. This is all too common among women who put themselves last. They think they will go to the doctor’s when they have time but that time never comes.
She is sent home for some respite and finds that she is thrown back into the chaos of life with twin, over scheduled, school-aged children. She has always been the planner, the organizer, the responsible one. Her children, her husband and even her mother all depend on her for strength and leadership. When she realizes that her heart will never heal amidst the stress of her home life, she decides to run away.
I think we have all faced that desire to flee at some point in our journey as mothers. Most of the book describes the new life she develops in Pittsburg. I don’t read many novels but I truly enjoyed this one. As I interview moms for my own book, I hear many stories from overwhelmed moms who are struggling to balance their many responsibilities. Simply booking our interview appointments can be a challenge. I am only available on weekdays while my daughters are in school. I might insert a few interviews on Saturday when my mother comes to watch the children but I generally save that time for my girls. These moms may work during the day or only be available one day a week. Add to that the snow days, PD days, sick days (their children or mine) and you can see how this becomes a challenge.
On Monday, the school buses were not cancelled but I kept my daughters home. The roads did not look friendly to me. There were many accidents on the icy road. I felt grateful that I could be at home with my girls. Once upon a time when I worked as a college professor, I couldn’t have made that decision and, I would be on that icy road commuting to and from campus. I wasn’t able to blog on Monday. My daughters kept me busy.
On Tuesday, I was determined to get my post in before the end of the day. I went out for Christmas shopping with my husband in the morning. He had been shopping online as well. As we returned to the house, I sat at the computer and realized the battery was dead. I plugged it in and got more items off my to-do list. I checked on the computer and it still hadn’t charged. Apparently this is an issue with the latest MAC products. My husband needed the computer to confirm appointments. We checked different outlets and still couldn’t get it to charge. The girls would be home soon. I promised myself to post on the Wednesday, for sure. The computer was charging, finally so no problem.
On Wednesday, I checked that the computer was charged first thing in the morning. It was, oh joy! I took a shower and sat at the desk. My husband had reset the computer and downloaded upgrades in order to decrease the amount of time required to charge the battery. As a result, we had to log in to all our programs. He couldn’t check his order status on Amazon and I couldn’t blog because neither of us knew our passwords. When you go nearly a year of simply opening programs, you get out of the habit of typing your password. I knew I had written it down somewhere. If I could just remember where. Last night, I searched my phone and iPad’s notepads and I found it. So here I am, back on track.
What I’ve learned from other moms is how common it is for us to feel like failures because, even though we are constantly working on something, we don’t feel that we accomplish anything. We end up feeling like a mediocre mom, employee, wife, woman despite our best efforts to be the best mom, employee, wife and woman. There is comfort in the realization that we are not alone, that we are humans and were not designed to be everything to everyone.
If you are a frazzled mom, reading this and nodding knowingly, take a moment today to do something for yourself. Self-care is how you survive and no it’s not selfish, you can’t be your best when you’re running on empty. Here are some ideas based on my own preferences. If you don’t like my list, please create your own.
1-Stop in your favourite coffee shop and get your favourite treat (green tea latte, americano, peanut butter cookie etc).
2-Borrow a book from the library that you can read before bed or at lunch time. If you’re not sure what to read, ask about the library staff’s favourite picks.
3-Soak in a bubble bath with candles and music
4-Sort through your CDs and select a few favourites to listen to on your way to work or just driving around
5-Go for a walk, not to go anywhere in particular, just to get some fresh air, bring the dog if you have one
6-Call someone you’d like to connect with even if you only have ten minutes
7-Pick up a prepared meal instead of making one from scratch and use the extra time to relax or spend quality time with loved ones
8-Prepare a facial with whatever you have in the house (avocado, egg whites, honey, mayonnaise?)
9-Dance around the house to your favourite music
10-Rent a movie or find one on Netflix that all of you could watch together as a family
Enjoy!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 26 October 2016
Ontario Parenting Connection
October 26th, 2016
This evening, two local women are holding a meeting in Kemptville to launch Ontario Parenting Connection. The goal of this initial meeting is a needs assessment therefore all local parents are invited to attend and voice their concerns, desires and dreams for the area. Some of the needs identified by the co-founders, two busy moms with young children, are walk-in clinics to avoid congestion and long waits at the KDH emergency room, a recreation complex with an indoor pool, a splash pad, bathrooms and shaded areas at local parks as well as a more pedestrian-friendly infrastructure for our city.
I can vouch for all of these concerns as the parent of two young girls, now aged 8 and 10. After I had my second, there was nowhere to walk safely and this made it harder to shed my baby fat, get my daily dose of vitamin D from the sun and stay fit. My daughters don't ride bicycles because we live at the corner of two busy roads where people scream around the corner, often distracted by their phone.
Ever since my daughters were you, we have had to drive to Brockville or Ottawa to swim in the Winter. This requires an extra effort, some planning and, driving through various weather conditions. If there was an indoor swimming pool in Kemptville, we could go weekly, at a set time and look forward to it. However, driving to the Nepean Sportsplex makes things more complicated. When one or two of your children are at an age where they nap, it becomes almost laughable. You need to find out what time you can go for a free swim or family swim, you need to figure out how long the drive will be, where the children will nap (in the car, before you leave, when you return?), when they will eat (prepared lunches in the car, eat once we get there, eat at the house and bring a snack for later). It gets complicated.
I am blessed with two healthy daughters. However, when my youngest started grade 1, she was getting ear infections. She had never had them before and apparently they were caused by mould in her classroom, an issue that has since been resolved. I have needed to take her to the emergency room twice due to double ear infections, waiting hours to be seen by the doctor and leaving with a prescription for antibiotics. A third time, I had her checked after the school called me because another student had knocked her to the floor, banging her head on gym tiles during physical education class. They suspected a concussion but she was fine. Once again, a long wait in a germ-infested waiting room. A walk-in clinic would alleviate congestion and cut down on wait times.
My daughters and I have been to pretty much every park in the area. Other than the Riverside Park and South Mountain Park, most of the time, there is nobody there. In the warm months, the play structure gets really hot and dangerous because there is no shade. If your child needs to go to the washroom, you have to drive home, go to a store near by or have them pee in the bush. There are Port-A-Potties at Riverside Park but they smell bad and occasionally have hornet's nests in them. There is no way I am getting my daughters in there.
I would add another item to be discussed. The lack of buses or train stations in Kemptville. We have one bus, it leaves Kemptville early on weekday mornings to bring commuters to Ottawa for work. It returns to Kemptville around 6pm on weeknights. We have many one car families. One parent drives to work and the stay-at-home parent stays home without any means of getting anywhere for socializing and recreation. You may be able to walk during the Spring and Fall but it may be too hot to brave long distances in the Summer and too cold in the Winter. This means parents are stranded and isolated in their homes. Having a bus that flows through Kemptville, Oxford Mills and South Mountain, would mobilize parents with young children, allowing for greater access to local stores, to programming at the Municipal Centre and, to each other. Some of my clients are in abusive relationships. Their partner takes the phone and the car away during the day and these women are stuck, too far from any resources to attempt their escape.
I went to Ontario Early Years when my girls were young. It was an awesome resource for me as I had moved to the area while I was pregnant with my youngest. The OEY centre moved from Saunders to across the street and now to CR 43. I was lucky enough to live up the street and have access to a car. I believe that the best strategy for rural areas is to have an RV which travels to various neighbourhoods and offers programming on a set schedule to that area. Parents could walk up the street to attend programs and connect with other families who live nearby. The RV could park in Meadowglen on Monday mornings, Stonehaven on Monday afternoons, Abbott Road on Tuesday mornings, Victoria Park on Tuesday afternoons, E-Quinelle on Wednesday mornings and return to the first area for a second visit. This way, every family could walk to at least one location for support and they could still drive to other areas if they wished to do so. It just makes sense.
If you'd like to give your two cents, join Samantha Kutowy and Meghan Coupal this evening from 6:30-8:30pm at the Grenville Mutual Insurance Building in Kemptville or e-mail them at ontarioparenting@gmail.com.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
This evening, two local women are holding a meeting in Kemptville to launch Ontario Parenting Connection. The goal of this initial meeting is a needs assessment therefore all local parents are invited to attend and voice their concerns, desires and dreams for the area. Some of the needs identified by the co-founders, two busy moms with young children, are walk-in clinics to avoid congestion and long waits at the KDH emergency room, a recreation complex with an indoor pool, a splash pad, bathrooms and shaded areas at local parks as well as a more pedestrian-friendly infrastructure for our city.
I can vouch for all of these concerns as the parent of two young girls, now aged 8 and 10. After I had my second, there was nowhere to walk safely and this made it harder to shed my baby fat, get my daily dose of vitamin D from the sun and stay fit. My daughters don't ride bicycles because we live at the corner of two busy roads where people scream around the corner, often distracted by their phone.
Ever since my daughters were you, we have had to drive to Brockville or Ottawa to swim in the Winter. This requires an extra effort, some planning and, driving through various weather conditions. If there was an indoor swimming pool in Kemptville, we could go weekly, at a set time and look forward to it. However, driving to the Nepean Sportsplex makes things more complicated. When one or two of your children are at an age where they nap, it becomes almost laughable. You need to find out what time you can go for a free swim or family swim, you need to figure out how long the drive will be, where the children will nap (in the car, before you leave, when you return?), when they will eat (prepared lunches in the car, eat once we get there, eat at the house and bring a snack for later). It gets complicated.
I am blessed with two healthy daughters. However, when my youngest started grade 1, she was getting ear infections. She had never had them before and apparently they were caused by mould in her classroom, an issue that has since been resolved. I have needed to take her to the emergency room twice due to double ear infections, waiting hours to be seen by the doctor and leaving with a prescription for antibiotics. A third time, I had her checked after the school called me because another student had knocked her to the floor, banging her head on gym tiles during physical education class. They suspected a concussion but she was fine. Once again, a long wait in a germ-infested waiting room. A walk-in clinic would alleviate congestion and cut down on wait times.
My daughters and I have been to pretty much every park in the area. Other than the Riverside Park and South Mountain Park, most of the time, there is nobody there. In the warm months, the play structure gets really hot and dangerous because there is no shade. If your child needs to go to the washroom, you have to drive home, go to a store near by or have them pee in the bush. There are Port-A-Potties at Riverside Park but they smell bad and occasionally have hornet's nests in them. There is no way I am getting my daughters in there.
I would add another item to be discussed. The lack of buses or train stations in Kemptville. We have one bus, it leaves Kemptville early on weekday mornings to bring commuters to Ottawa for work. It returns to Kemptville around 6pm on weeknights. We have many one car families. One parent drives to work and the stay-at-home parent stays home without any means of getting anywhere for socializing and recreation. You may be able to walk during the Spring and Fall but it may be too hot to brave long distances in the Summer and too cold in the Winter. This means parents are stranded and isolated in their homes. Having a bus that flows through Kemptville, Oxford Mills and South Mountain, would mobilize parents with young children, allowing for greater access to local stores, to programming at the Municipal Centre and, to each other. Some of my clients are in abusive relationships. Their partner takes the phone and the car away during the day and these women are stuck, too far from any resources to attempt their escape.
I went to Ontario Early Years when my girls were young. It was an awesome resource for me as I had moved to the area while I was pregnant with my youngest. The OEY centre moved from Saunders to across the street and now to CR 43. I was lucky enough to live up the street and have access to a car. I believe that the best strategy for rural areas is to have an RV which travels to various neighbourhoods and offers programming on a set schedule to that area. Parents could walk up the street to attend programs and connect with other families who live nearby. The RV could park in Meadowglen on Monday mornings, Stonehaven on Monday afternoons, Abbott Road on Tuesday mornings, Victoria Park on Tuesday afternoons, E-Quinelle on Wednesday mornings and return to the first area for a second visit. This way, every family could walk to at least one location for support and they could still drive to other areas if they wished to do so. It just makes sense.
If you'd like to give your two cents, join Samantha Kutowy and Meghan Coupal this evening from 6:30-8:30pm at the Grenville Mutual Insurance Building in Kemptville or e-mail them at ontarioparenting@gmail.com.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 17 October 2016
Mothers Without Babies
October 17th, 2016
Did you know that October 15th was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day? I didn't, until my mother saw an article in the Ottawa Metro Newspaper and brought it to my attention. I read the article and learned that "2,700 mothers... deliver stillborn babies every year in Canada". That is a huge number! Why do we not know about this? Also, I learned that parents lose their maternity benefits right away when the baby dies and only have ten days off work before they are expected to return. This is insane! Can you imagine the trauma of a miscarriage or stillbirth followed by a routine day at the office? You need to grieve and have a burial or ceremony but you're back at work dealing with people's questions and, sometimes, insensitive comments.
The thought of mothers leaving the hospital empty handed hits a nerve with me. When I was born, my mother's parents did not approve of her keeping me. I was bi-racial, she wasn't married and she could not afford to raise me on her own. My grandmother had raised five children and she feared that I would become her responsibility. My grandparents told my mother she could come home but not with a baby. Therefore, immediately after birth, I was taken away to an orphanage. It would be months before my mother was able to prove to Children's Aid that she was a responsible adult able to care for her child. My mother told me how difficult it was to leave the hospital without me. She wasn't able to breastfeed, she had to take medication to dry up her milk supply. Her breasts were engorged and painful. She went back to work where she was harassed and judged. I feel for her. I wish I could go back in time and tell her not to worry, that we would be ok.
I have counselled women who have lost a child but I've never had a client who delivered a stillborn. That is why the statistic surprised me. One more thing I learned about in the article is how fathers are excluded from the grieving process. They have also experienced a loss but they are forgotten, neglected. This is sad. If the wife is grieving and getting support from loved ones but the husband is not included in the grieving process, it could impact their relationship. He may not want to try again if she is ever ready to do so. He may resent her for not including him in the process. She may feel angry if she feels that he is not supportive, not realizing that he has withdrawn due to pain and lack of support, not because he is indifferent. There is a huge need to educate the public about this. Luckily, there is an excellent resource for families who have lost a child, http://pailnetwork.ca.
When I was a university student, I worked with a woman in her forties who had an abortion in her twenties. One day, we had our break together and she told me about her daughter. She thought about her every day. She dreamed about her at night. She described what her daughter looked like, she aged in her dreams just as she would have if she had lived. I have encountered a great deal of women who complain of chronic pain. They come and see me for art therapy and we get to see the link between an abortion or miscarriage and the pain they were talking about. Once they tell me their story and create art to gain closure, the pain subsides.
That is just one more reason to include stories of loss in my upcoming book, The Mommy Monologues. I hope to share stories that will inspire mothers in all sorts of situations to speak to people about their experience and ask for support because they know they are not alone.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Did you know that October 15th was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day? I didn't, until my mother saw an article in the Ottawa Metro Newspaper and brought it to my attention. I read the article and learned that "2,700 mothers... deliver stillborn babies every year in Canada". That is a huge number! Why do we not know about this? Also, I learned that parents lose their maternity benefits right away when the baby dies and only have ten days off work before they are expected to return. This is insane! Can you imagine the trauma of a miscarriage or stillbirth followed by a routine day at the office? You need to grieve and have a burial or ceremony but you're back at work dealing with people's questions and, sometimes, insensitive comments.
The thought of mothers leaving the hospital empty handed hits a nerve with me. When I was born, my mother's parents did not approve of her keeping me. I was bi-racial, she wasn't married and she could not afford to raise me on her own. My grandmother had raised five children and she feared that I would become her responsibility. My grandparents told my mother she could come home but not with a baby. Therefore, immediately after birth, I was taken away to an orphanage. It would be months before my mother was able to prove to Children's Aid that she was a responsible adult able to care for her child. My mother told me how difficult it was to leave the hospital without me. She wasn't able to breastfeed, she had to take medication to dry up her milk supply. Her breasts were engorged and painful. She went back to work where she was harassed and judged. I feel for her. I wish I could go back in time and tell her not to worry, that we would be ok.
I have counselled women who have lost a child but I've never had a client who delivered a stillborn. That is why the statistic surprised me. One more thing I learned about in the article is how fathers are excluded from the grieving process. They have also experienced a loss but they are forgotten, neglected. This is sad. If the wife is grieving and getting support from loved ones but the husband is not included in the grieving process, it could impact their relationship. He may not want to try again if she is ever ready to do so. He may resent her for not including him in the process. She may feel angry if she feels that he is not supportive, not realizing that he has withdrawn due to pain and lack of support, not because he is indifferent. There is a huge need to educate the public about this. Luckily, there is an excellent resource for families who have lost a child, http://pailnetwork.ca.
When I was a university student, I worked with a woman in her forties who had an abortion in her twenties. One day, we had our break together and she told me about her daughter. She thought about her every day. She dreamed about her at night. She described what her daughter looked like, she aged in her dreams just as she would have if she had lived. I have encountered a great deal of women who complain of chronic pain. They come and see me for art therapy and we get to see the link between an abortion or miscarriage and the pain they were talking about. Once they tell me their story and create art to gain closure, the pain subsides.
That is just one more reason to include stories of loss in my upcoming book, The Mommy Monologues. I hope to share stories that will inspire mothers in all sorts of situations to speak to people about their experience and ask for support because they know they are not alone.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 12 October 2016
Resilience in Teenagers-A New Tool
October 12th, 2016
I had a very energizing day in Brockville, meeting professionals who were gathered to learn a new tool. The Sources of Strength training is meant to prepare us to lead teenagers to make a difference in their schools and communities. We have all heard about the rising risk of suicide and the need to foster resilience in our children. This training empowers young people to develop resilience through focusing on the skills and resources available to them rather than on daunting, scary statistics .
The skillful leaders shared the Sources of Strength wheel with us. There are eight categories and the goal is to have students identify all the activities, places and people who are there to support them in times of need. The training is about much more than just this wheel but I would like to focus on this wheel for the purpose of this blog because it is a tool that all of us can use to feel more connected, supported and grateful. It's a also a great way to set goals for our personal development. Once we've assessed the areas that require improvement, we can get to work adding people or activities to our social network.
The first slice in the pie is mental health. You need to be clear for yourself how you would define mental health. What does this mean to you? Is it the absence of illness or constant growth and improvement? It's good to stop and ask the hard questions. How is my mental health? How well am I coping with life right now? Do I need assistance? What kind of help would be most beneficial and how can I access it? Sometimes, we deny our vulnerabilities until we are in crisis.
The second section is family support. Is your home a safe place for you? Do you feel loved and supported by your family members? You may need to have a conversation about boundaries or lessen your contact with certain relatives. If your home is not a safe place, where else can you get your sense of belonging, support and love?
The third part of the wheel is positive friends. Sometimes we focus on the amount of friends we have in our life but it's not the quantity that counts, it's the quality. Are you surrounded by loving, positive people? Do you know people who care about you and would be there for you if you needed them? If not, how can you grow and nurture your social network. There are times in life when fitting in more people is a challenge. However, those are often when we need people the most. Think about your schedule and determine if there are groups you could join, individuals you'd like to reach out to or places you can go to connect with like-minded individuals.
Mentors make up the fourth section. We all need role models, people who have made it out of a situation or phase of life who can help us navigate our own journey. As a teenager, you can approach a teacher, local business owner, coach or neighbour. As adults, we can turn to others in our profession or people who excel in areas of life that we have identified as areas for improvement. We are all here to learn from each other and people in general will be happy to be a mentor.
Healthy activities are my favourite part of the pie. You don't need anyone else to participate in this. You pick activities you enjoy that can help alleviate stress, make you healthier, happier, more connected, that can contribute to your growth and development, bring new people in your life and improve quality of life. For me, these include reading, journalling, creating art, writing books, travelling, going to yoga or Zumba classes and going out for coffee at the local coffee shop. What about you? What activities energize you? What do you love to do?
Generosity is another one of the sections. It is a bit more vague but I can see how giving our time and energy to a good cause would improve our life. When you volunteer or help someone else, you feel fortunate, useful and connected to your community. Using your skills to help people in your community is really rewarding. What are your skills? Who could benefit from these skills? How can you put your skills to good use in your community?
Spirituality is another favourite. There were lots of school Chaplains at today's meeting. We are all here for a reason. If we are just living day by day without any thought about where we fit into the grand scheme of things, we can get quite bored. What does spirituality look like for you? How do you express your spirituality? This is a broad section. You may go to Church, belong to a group, meditate or simply volunteer at a hospice. Whatever helps you connect to and feed your soul would be considered spiritual.
Medical access is a tricky one. It is a valid section because this tool was developed in the U.S. where access to medical services is limited. It may not seem applicable here in Canada but I know from working with families where a loved one is battling cancer or raising a special needs child that there are huge gaps in our system as well. Information is power. The more information you gather about this section, the better equipped you will be to advocate for yourself and your family.
I was thrilled to be a part of this training. As you can see, people of all ages can apply this wheel to their life, to uncover strengths and celebrate resources in our communities.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I had a very energizing day in Brockville, meeting professionals who were gathered to learn a new tool. The Sources of Strength training is meant to prepare us to lead teenagers to make a difference in their schools and communities. We have all heard about the rising risk of suicide and the need to foster resilience in our children. This training empowers young people to develop resilience through focusing on the skills and resources available to them rather than on daunting, scary statistics .
The skillful leaders shared the Sources of Strength wheel with us. There are eight categories and the goal is to have students identify all the activities, places and people who are there to support them in times of need. The training is about much more than just this wheel but I would like to focus on this wheel for the purpose of this blog because it is a tool that all of us can use to feel more connected, supported and grateful. It's a also a great way to set goals for our personal development. Once we've assessed the areas that require improvement, we can get to work adding people or activities to our social network.
The first slice in the pie is mental health. You need to be clear for yourself how you would define mental health. What does this mean to you? Is it the absence of illness or constant growth and improvement? It's good to stop and ask the hard questions. How is my mental health? How well am I coping with life right now? Do I need assistance? What kind of help would be most beneficial and how can I access it? Sometimes, we deny our vulnerabilities until we are in crisis.
The second section is family support. Is your home a safe place for you? Do you feel loved and supported by your family members? You may need to have a conversation about boundaries or lessen your contact with certain relatives. If your home is not a safe place, where else can you get your sense of belonging, support and love?
The third part of the wheel is positive friends. Sometimes we focus on the amount of friends we have in our life but it's not the quantity that counts, it's the quality. Are you surrounded by loving, positive people? Do you know people who care about you and would be there for you if you needed them? If not, how can you grow and nurture your social network. There are times in life when fitting in more people is a challenge. However, those are often when we need people the most. Think about your schedule and determine if there are groups you could join, individuals you'd like to reach out to or places you can go to connect with like-minded individuals.
Mentors make up the fourth section. We all need role models, people who have made it out of a situation or phase of life who can help us navigate our own journey. As a teenager, you can approach a teacher, local business owner, coach or neighbour. As adults, we can turn to others in our profession or people who excel in areas of life that we have identified as areas for improvement. We are all here to learn from each other and people in general will be happy to be a mentor.
Healthy activities are my favourite part of the pie. You don't need anyone else to participate in this. You pick activities you enjoy that can help alleviate stress, make you healthier, happier, more connected, that can contribute to your growth and development, bring new people in your life and improve quality of life. For me, these include reading, journalling, creating art, writing books, travelling, going to yoga or Zumba classes and going out for coffee at the local coffee shop. What about you? What activities energize you? What do you love to do?
Generosity is another one of the sections. It is a bit more vague but I can see how giving our time and energy to a good cause would improve our life. When you volunteer or help someone else, you feel fortunate, useful and connected to your community. Using your skills to help people in your community is really rewarding. What are your skills? Who could benefit from these skills? How can you put your skills to good use in your community?
Spirituality is another favourite. There were lots of school Chaplains at today's meeting. We are all here for a reason. If we are just living day by day without any thought about where we fit into the grand scheme of things, we can get quite bored. What does spirituality look like for you? How do you express your spirituality? This is a broad section. You may go to Church, belong to a group, meditate or simply volunteer at a hospice. Whatever helps you connect to and feed your soul would be considered spiritual.
Medical access is a tricky one. It is a valid section because this tool was developed in the U.S. where access to medical services is limited. It may not seem applicable here in Canada but I know from working with families where a loved one is battling cancer or raising a special needs child that there are huge gaps in our system as well. Information is power. The more information you gather about this section, the better equipped you will be to advocate for yourself and your family.
I was thrilled to be a part of this training. As you can see, people of all ages can apply this wheel to their life, to uncover strengths and celebrate resources in our communities.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 30 September 2016
Resisting Healthy Choices
September 30th 2016
I walked into my husband's shop this afternoon, his client's daughter was talking about her career. She is a dietician and nutritionist but she is having doubts about her decision to commit to this line of work. She is fit and devoted to leading a healthy lifestyle. However, she finds it frustrating when she consults with clients who need to make some changes in their eating patterns but don't want to give up any of the unhealthy foods they eat. She can provide the tools for a healthier future but if they nod their head then get in line at McDs when they leave her office, there is no point. It angers her that people aren't willing to make sacrifices when it comes to their health. This is a high priority for her and she can't imagine how people can keep making poor choices when they know their health is in jeopardy.
Our conversation turned to exercise. Her background is in dance and she is now learning pole fitness. I told her I loved Zumba but there are no classes offered for mothers and their children or, during school hours for mothers on their own. I don't understand why Zumba classes, which are mostly populated with moms who are trying to shed their belly fat, are offered at times when moms are busy with their children. This client was telling me that pole fitness is great for people like myself who enjoy dancing but, while Zumba is mostly cardio, pole fitness works your muscles and core leading to more muscle definition. Sounds good to me! No pole dancing out here in Kemptville though :)
What we do have is an event at St-Micheal's High School tomorrow from 9am to 3pm. It;s called Commit to Fit and, as far as I know, it's a sampler of various types of exercise. You can see what local professionals have to offer by trying their exercise. I'll know more by tomorrow evening. I asked my poor mom to be here for 9am which means she needs to leave her home in Ottawa by 8am. I appreciate that she can be here with my children while I go workout and learn about my options. Many moms don't have anyone to watch the children. I'm sure they wish they wish they could attend this event as well. I feel very fortunate that she is here to support me.
I was going to a gym for a while. I even got a trainer. However, every time we met and I learned new moves, I would get injured. At first, she set up the treadmill and programmed it so it had a sharp incline. Before long, I had shin splints, very painful. When I went in on my own, I just walked on the flat surface, a good workout without any injuries. Then I asked her to focus on my arms. She had me pumping 10lbs on either side while on my back. It was strenuous but I imagined how toned my arms would be when I was done. I pulled a muscle and had to go to physic. It hurt when I breathed and I had limited range of movement. Lastly, I have an injury to my pelvic bone from childbirth. An osteopath recommended I steer clear of exercises that put pressure on that area. I brought this up as she led me to the machine where you push your legs together then apart against weights. I informed her that the osteopath told me the days of doing these types of exercises were over. She still introduced one into my workout.
Finding the right fit is challenging. You want to exercise so you are healthier, feel energized and look amazing. However, you need to find the correct type of exercise so that you enjoy your workouts and look forward to them. It helps to be in a supportive environment, to click with classmates or your trainer. Having options at times that work for you can be the most difficult part. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will find Zumba or Pole fitness classes during the day, close to Kemptville. Then, let the fun begin!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I walked into my husband's shop this afternoon, his client's daughter was talking about her career. She is a dietician and nutritionist but she is having doubts about her decision to commit to this line of work. She is fit and devoted to leading a healthy lifestyle. However, she finds it frustrating when she consults with clients who need to make some changes in their eating patterns but don't want to give up any of the unhealthy foods they eat. She can provide the tools for a healthier future but if they nod their head then get in line at McDs when they leave her office, there is no point. It angers her that people aren't willing to make sacrifices when it comes to their health. This is a high priority for her and she can't imagine how people can keep making poor choices when they know their health is in jeopardy.
Our conversation turned to exercise. Her background is in dance and she is now learning pole fitness. I told her I loved Zumba but there are no classes offered for mothers and their children or, during school hours for mothers on their own. I don't understand why Zumba classes, which are mostly populated with moms who are trying to shed their belly fat, are offered at times when moms are busy with their children. This client was telling me that pole fitness is great for people like myself who enjoy dancing but, while Zumba is mostly cardio, pole fitness works your muscles and core leading to more muscle definition. Sounds good to me! No pole dancing out here in Kemptville though :)
What we do have is an event at St-Micheal's High School tomorrow from 9am to 3pm. It;s called Commit to Fit and, as far as I know, it's a sampler of various types of exercise. You can see what local professionals have to offer by trying their exercise. I'll know more by tomorrow evening. I asked my poor mom to be here for 9am which means she needs to leave her home in Ottawa by 8am. I appreciate that she can be here with my children while I go workout and learn about my options. Many moms don't have anyone to watch the children. I'm sure they wish they wish they could attend this event as well. I feel very fortunate that she is here to support me.
I was going to a gym for a while. I even got a trainer. However, every time we met and I learned new moves, I would get injured. At first, she set up the treadmill and programmed it so it had a sharp incline. Before long, I had shin splints, very painful. When I went in on my own, I just walked on the flat surface, a good workout without any injuries. Then I asked her to focus on my arms. She had me pumping 10lbs on either side while on my back. It was strenuous but I imagined how toned my arms would be when I was done. I pulled a muscle and had to go to physic. It hurt when I breathed and I had limited range of movement. Lastly, I have an injury to my pelvic bone from childbirth. An osteopath recommended I steer clear of exercises that put pressure on that area. I brought this up as she led me to the machine where you push your legs together then apart against weights. I informed her that the osteopath told me the days of doing these types of exercises were over. She still introduced one into my workout.
Finding the right fit is challenging. You want to exercise so you are healthier, feel energized and look amazing. However, you need to find the correct type of exercise so that you enjoy your workouts and look forward to them. It helps to be in a supportive environment, to click with classmates or your trainer. Having options at times that work for you can be the most difficult part. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will find Zumba or Pole fitness classes during the day, close to Kemptville. Then, let the fun begin!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 22 September 2016
Surviving cancer
September 22nd, 2016
A few years ago, I interviewed women who had battled cancer. Each woman was diagnosed with a different cancer and they were all survivors. I decided to write about them to inspire women or men undergoing treatment. My message was, "You can beat this"!
A few months ago, I was thinking about these five strong women and it occurred to me that only two remained. I think two of them are still alive. I have lost touch with them and, honestly, I don't have the heart to look for them in case, they too, have passed.
Today, at Walmart, I ran into the husband of one of the ladies who did not survive. We talked about her, the second diagnosis (the cancer moved to a new location and spread), what the last week of her life was like and, what he was now doing with his life. We each continued our shopping after over an hour of chatting and I bumped into a man who came to the house to help me put up the pool in the Spring. His wife is currently in treatment for cancer. She has completed her radiation treatment but still has a month of chemotherapy before she can ring that bell.
They had been at the hospital earlier that day and she spoke about her treatment in a matter-of-fact tone, clearly used to the processes, explaining the machines and technicalities. This man clearly loves his wife. I pray that she survives and they live to tell the next generation all about it and inspire others.
I couldn't help but wonder, why do some people survive while others do not? You read about "cures" like oxygen therapy, an alkaline diet, the powers of turmeric and other superfoods, the power of cannabis oil is on Facebook every day but people are still dying. It is all so confusing. I read a beautiful book by Bernie Siegel, The Art of Healing, a few years ago because I am an art therapist and he offers art groups for his patients. He talks about the power of symbols in drawings and states that he can tell how patients perceive their cancer and the recommended treatment by what they draw. Drawings can also give a physician additional information about the affected organ, something patients know without it being part of their conscious wisdom.
Dr. Siegel's prescriptions are out of the ordinary. They include art and self expression, interpreting dreams, being in the present, laughing, hanging out with animals and staying positive (words, thoughts, beliefs). He believes that illness often comes from a place of trauma, where the feelings are stuck because they have never been expressed. Dr. Siegel predicts which patients will have a better survival rate on his website www.berniesiegelmd.com, here is a glimpse:
"When people have a sense of meaning in their life, express anger and emotions appropriately in defence of themselves, ask for help from family and friends, participate in their health care decisions, say no to what they choose not to do, find time to do what they enjoy and to play, use their feelings to help them to heal their lives and do not live a role but an authentic life, they will always do better than expected". He also mentions the importance of NOT interpreting their illness as a punishment from GOD.
If you are diagnosed with a cancer, get a journal and some colouring pencils then read through one of Dr. Siegel's books. His exercises are meant to get you thinking about your life and listening to your emotions. The art can help you release painful emotions. Join a group to reduce isolation and focus on what you enjoy. There is no room for negative people in your life. Live fully in the moment, as your authentic self and laugh often. Dealing with a life-threatening illness can result in feeling powerless. These are all things you can do to help heal your life.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
A few years ago, I interviewed women who had battled cancer. Each woman was diagnosed with a different cancer and they were all survivors. I decided to write about them to inspire women or men undergoing treatment. My message was, "You can beat this"!
A few months ago, I was thinking about these five strong women and it occurred to me that only two remained. I think two of them are still alive. I have lost touch with them and, honestly, I don't have the heart to look for them in case, they too, have passed.
Today, at Walmart, I ran into the husband of one of the ladies who did not survive. We talked about her, the second diagnosis (the cancer moved to a new location and spread), what the last week of her life was like and, what he was now doing with his life. We each continued our shopping after over an hour of chatting and I bumped into a man who came to the house to help me put up the pool in the Spring. His wife is currently in treatment for cancer. She has completed her radiation treatment but still has a month of chemotherapy before she can ring that bell.
They had been at the hospital earlier that day and she spoke about her treatment in a matter-of-fact tone, clearly used to the processes, explaining the machines and technicalities. This man clearly loves his wife. I pray that she survives and they live to tell the next generation all about it and inspire others.
I couldn't help but wonder, why do some people survive while others do not? You read about "cures" like oxygen therapy, an alkaline diet, the powers of turmeric and other superfoods, the power of cannabis oil is on Facebook every day but people are still dying. It is all so confusing. I read a beautiful book by Bernie Siegel, The Art of Healing, a few years ago because I am an art therapist and he offers art groups for his patients. He talks about the power of symbols in drawings and states that he can tell how patients perceive their cancer and the recommended treatment by what they draw. Drawings can also give a physician additional information about the affected organ, something patients know without it being part of their conscious wisdom.
Dr. Siegel's prescriptions are out of the ordinary. They include art and self expression, interpreting dreams, being in the present, laughing, hanging out with animals and staying positive (words, thoughts, beliefs). He believes that illness often comes from a place of trauma, where the feelings are stuck because they have never been expressed. Dr. Siegel predicts which patients will have a better survival rate on his website www.berniesiegelmd.com, here is a glimpse:
"When people have a sense of meaning in their life, express anger and emotions appropriately in defence of themselves, ask for help from family and friends, participate in their health care decisions, say no to what they choose not to do, find time to do what they enjoy and to play, use their feelings to help them to heal their lives and do not live a role but an authentic life, they will always do better than expected". He also mentions the importance of NOT interpreting their illness as a punishment from GOD.
If you are diagnosed with a cancer, get a journal and some colouring pencils then read through one of Dr. Siegel's books. His exercises are meant to get you thinking about your life and listening to your emotions. The art can help you release painful emotions. Join a group to reduce isolation and focus on what you enjoy. There is no room for negative people in your life. Live fully in the moment, as your authentic self and laugh often. Dealing with a life-threatening illness can result in feeling powerless. These are all things you can do to help heal your life.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 19 September 2016
Positive Psychology and Community Support
September 19th, 2016
Tonight, I took my girls to their first gymnastics class of the semester. I watch them and give them a thumbs up as they walk the beams, bounce on the trampoline and spin on a tiny pole at impressive heights. They weren't in the same group, much to their disappointment but, they didn't get paired with the mean girl which was an improvement over last semester.
I have started listening to Ted Talks while I watch the class. I have been thinking about the mental health of my children. My eldest feels anxious at night at bedtime. My youngest is totally mellow. My eldest has troubles falling asleep and sleeping on her own. My youngest will sleep anywhere. My eldest always wants to stay home. My youngest and I love going out, seeing people, having adventures. Over the summer, these differences in their temperament is very obvious.
My eldest was anxious about the start of school. She worried about her teachers and classmates. We talked about it. She just couldn't settle. We listened to Headspace, practiced our breathing, I told her stories about our pets to help help her calm down and massaged my daughter's back.
This whole different approach to situations got me thinking about mental health. I read up on childhood depression wondering if my daughter's anxiety was linked to depression. She loves drawing and is really good at it. She hasn't lost interest in this activity. She has friends and was at a party last weekend and has another one next weekend. This reassured me that she wasn't depressed. However, I plan to take her to a reputable acupuncturist for a treatment to see if it can help with her anxiety so she can sleep better at night.
One of the Ted Talks I watched was about Positive Psychology. Martin Seligman talks about our focus on pathology and how this leads people to fear psychiatrists because they feel that they will be judged and that professionals will try to fix them. He explains the need to focus on the strengths of clients not just their challenges. He also poses the question, why aren't we trying to help the average person have a better life?
This has also been on my mind. While I am comforting my eldest, my youngest daughter is not getting attention. While we are focused on people with symptoms, we are missing an opportunity to improve the quality of life of others. Psychology should not just be about solving problems. It is also supposed to study well-being and promote it.
Another interesting talk was provided by Vikram Patel. He explained that there aren't enough professionals for the amount of people struggling with a mental health issue. In some countries where the patients largely outnumber the psychiatrists, they have started training ordinary people to support others while receiving supervision from skilled professionals. He unveiled some significant data which proved that these regular people were making incredible differences.
What if clusters of people were trained to recognize depression, anxiety or risk of suicide and they were paid to perform home visits in their neighbourhood? What if they reported back to local physicians and booked follow-up appointments for clients considered at risk? Would less people go undiagnosed? Would less children fall through the cracks? I think this is a valid solution to our overburdened mental health system. Friendly visitors could provide support, education and referrals all from the comfort of the client's home. This may be the new approach to mental health services-worth considering.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tonight, I took my girls to their first gymnastics class of the semester. I watch them and give them a thumbs up as they walk the beams, bounce on the trampoline and spin on a tiny pole at impressive heights. They weren't in the same group, much to their disappointment but, they didn't get paired with the mean girl which was an improvement over last semester.
I have started listening to Ted Talks while I watch the class. I have been thinking about the mental health of my children. My eldest feels anxious at night at bedtime. My youngest is totally mellow. My eldest has troubles falling asleep and sleeping on her own. My youngest will sleep anywhere. My eldest always wants to stay home. My youngest and I love going out, seeing people, having adventures. Over the summer, these differences in their temperament is very obvious.
My eldest was anxious about the start of school. She worried about her teachers and classmates. We talked about it. She just couldn't settle. We listened to Headspace, practiced our breathing, I told her stories about our pets to help help her calm down and massaged my daughter's back.
This whole different approach to situations got me thinking about mental health. I read up on childhood depression wondering if my daughter's anxiety was linked to depression. She loves drawing and is really good at it. She hasn't lost interest in this activity. She has friends and was at a party last weekend and has another one next weekend. This reassured me that she wasn't depressed. However, I plan to take her to a reputable acupuncturist for a treatment to see if it can help with her anxiety so she can sleep better at night.
One of the Ted Talks I watched was about Positive Psychology. Martin Seligman talks about our focus on pathology and how this leads people to fear psychiatrists because they feel that they will be judged and that professionals will try to fix them. He explains the need to focus on the strengths of clients not just their challenges. He also poses the question, why aren't we trying to help the average person have a better life?
This has also been on my mind. While I am comforting my eldest, my youngest daughter is not getting attention. While we are focused on people with symptoms, we are missing an opportunity to improve the quality of life of others. Psychology should not just be about solving problems. It is also supposed to study well-being and promote it.
Another interesting talk was provided by Vikram Patel. He explained that there aren't enough professionals for the amount of people struggling with a mental health issue. In some countries where the patients largely outnumber the psychiatrists, they have started training ordinary people to support others while receiving supervision from skilled professionals. He unveiled some significant data which proved that these regular people were making incredible differences.
What if clusters of people were trained to recognize depression, anxiety or risk of suicide and they were paid to perform home visits in their neighbourhood? What if they reported back to local physicians and booked follow-up appointments for clients considered at risk? Would less people go undiagnosed? Would less children fall through the cracks? I think this is a valid solution to our overburdened mental health system. Friendly visitors could provide support, education and referrals all from the comfort of the client's home. This may be the new approach to mental health services-worth considering.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 13 September 2016
Alcohol
September 13th, 2016
I have never been a drinker. Growing up, my grandmother and her siblings liked to play cards and drink. I loved the sound of everyone talking, joking and laughing. There was an easy camaraderie among them as they drank, played and smoked. I was too young to play cards or to drink. I don't know where I was or what I was doing while this was happening but I know it all seemed like fun.
I spent a great deal of time with my maternal grandmother. She was very feisty and funny but she spent her days cooking and cleaning. I once asked her what she would have done for a living if she was born in my generation. She answered that she would have cleaned-her own house, other homes, hotels, condos, she just loves to clean and she couldn't imagine herself doing anything else.
There are two skills that my grandmother taught me. She encouraged me to whistle. My grandfather believed that little girls shouldn't whistle. This, of course, made my grandmother insist that I become a great whistler. She also taught me to pour a beer properly. If you tilt the glass and the bottle as you pour the beer, you get less head and more beer. I needed this skill to do a good job pouring her beer every evening. She drank a beer (or two) every night until she died at the ripe age of 100. To this day, every time I smell beer, I am reminded of my grandmother's breath. She used to burp under her breath as she spoke to me and a waft of beer stench would follow. My husband loves beer and it is the biggest turn off for me when he has a beer and comes over for a kiss. It's like kissing my grandma, yuck!
A few years ago, we were at a cottage in Dunrobin. A few doors up from us, our neighbours were playing games like horseshoe and bean bag toss. It reminded me of my grandma and her siblings only, this time, I was invited. I was so excited to be part of the fun. I had a ginger ale and joined the game. About an hour into the game, my husband said we should get back, we had to let the dog out or some other excuse. I thanked them for a fun time and we headed back to our cottage. When we got back, I asked him why he wanted to leave. He explained that some people get happy when they drink and others get nasty. Our host was part of the latter group. I hadn't noticed this but he told me she was making remarks and getting meaner as she drank. He imagined that they would be fighting before long.
My husband comes from a family of drinkers as well. While my loved ones got louder, rowdier, his family members went from holding in their quiet rage to exploding into fist fights, spewing angry, hurtful words. He knew the signs. He had learned to notice the first indications that emotions were escalating. This was a survival tool for him during his childhood, it gave him a head start so he could run and hide before things got ugly.
People drink for different reasons. They may be shy and feel more confident once they've had a drink. They could use it to numb the pain of abuse or in order to belong to a group. One study linked loneliness to addiction. This made me think. No matter what happens in life, it seems more manageable through the support of loved ones. You are no longer alone. That is the whole point of self-help books and support groups. You see that you are not alone and you learn what others have done to get through their own hard times. This gives you hope that you can also overcome your hardship and live a better life.
What if there is no support in your life? What if you are a child and the dangers lurk in your home? How would you know that you can reach out and get help? You would expect other adults to respond just as your parents, aunts and uncles do. This leads to perceived helplessness and the cycle of addiction begins. You don't think anyone else would understand. You can't image that others would care. You perceive yourself as helpless to create anything better for your life. What's left? Numbing your pain. You drink and, suddenly, nothing matters. It doesn't hurt anymore and, as long as you stay drunk, you'll be ok. You can't have anyone challenge your behaviours, drinking "works" for you. You don't want to live without it, it would be too painful so you build a network of friends who also drink, you find your niche. You walk into bars and you belong. You just sit, drink and exchange stories.
The point of this post is twofold. If you have are addicted to alcohol, know that there is support out there, that you can live a better life, one that doesn't depend on staying numb. You deserve to be loved and live your life to the fullest. There is a reason you are here. It could be that what has happened to you, the source of your pain, is precisely why you are here. You are meant to rise above it and help others.
My second point is, if you love someone who is addicted to alcohol, shaming or controlling alcohol consumption will never work. Find the pain at the core of this addiction. Gather a group of individuals to inspire your loved one. This can be support groups, AA meetings, biographies of people who have recovered from alcohol or, self-help books that have a step by step process to make better choices and develop healthier habits.
You also need to take care of yourself. Never accept abuse from anyone. Whether you love someone who has a mental illness or an addiction, self-care is a must. Setting strong boundaries teaches your loved one about healthy relationships and ensures that you are safe. Do not isolate yourself, reach out and get support. Everything is easier when it is shared.
Anne Walsh
www,artnsoul.org
I have never been a drinker. Growing up, my grandmother and her siblings liked to play cards and drink. I loved the sound of everyone talking, joking and laughing. There was an easy camaraderie among them as they drank, played and smoked. I was too young to play cards or to drink. I don't know where I was or what I was doing while this was happening but I know it all seemed like fun.
I spent a great deal of time with my maternal grandmother. She was very feisty and funny but she spent her days cooking and cleaning. I once asked her what she would have done for a living if she was born in my generation. She answered that she would have cleaned-her own house, other homes, hotels, condos, she just loves to clean and she couldn't imagine herself doing anything else.
There are two skills that my grandmother taught me. She encouraged me to whistle. My grandfather believed that little girls shouldn't whistle. This, of course, made my grandmother insist that I become a great whistler. She also taught me to pour a beer properly. If you tilt the glass and the bottle as you pour the beer, you get less head and more beer. I needed this skill to do a good job pouring her beer every evening. She drank a beer (or two) every night until she died at the ripe age of 100. To this day, every time I smell beer, I am reminded of my grandmother's breath. She used to burp under her breath as she spoke to me and a waft of beer stench would follow. My husband loves beer and it is the biggest turn off for me when he has a beer and comes over for a kiss. It's like kissing my grandma, yuck!
A few years ago, we were at a cottage in Dunrobin. A few doors up from us, our neighbours were playing games like horseshoe and bean bag toss. It reminded me of my grandma and her siblings only, this time, I was invited. I was so excited to be part of the fun. I had a ginger ale and joined the game. About an hour into the game, my husband said we should get back, we had to let the dog out or some other excuse. I thanked them for a fun time and we headed back to our cottage. When we got back, I asked him why he wanted to leave. He explained that some people get happy when they drink and others get nasty. Our host was part of the latter group. I hadn't noticed this but he told me she was making remarks and getting meaner as she drank. He imagined that they would be fighting before long.
My husband comes from a family of drinkers as well. While my loved ones got louder, rowdier, his family members went from holding in their quiet rage to exploding into fist fights, spewing angry, hurtful words. He knew the signs. He had learned to notice the first indications that emotions were escalating. This was a survival tool for him during his childhood, it gave him a head start so he could run and hide before things got ugly.
People drink for different reasons. They may be shy and feel more confident once they've had a drink. They could use it to numb the pain of abuse or in order to belong to a group. One study linked loneliness to addiction. This made me think. No matter what happens in life, it seems more manageable through the support of loved ones. You are no longer alone. That is the whole point of self-help books and support groups. You see that you are not alone and you learn what others have done to get through their own hard times. This gives you hope that you can also overcome your hardship and live a better life.
What if there is no support in your life? What if you are a child and the dangers lurk in your home? How would you know that you can reach out and get help? You would expect other adults to respond just as your parents, aunts and uncles do. This leads to perceived helplessness and the cycle of addiction begins. You don't think anyone else would understand. You can't image that others would care. You perceive yourself as helpless to create anything better for your life. What's left? Numbing your pain. You drink and, suddenly, nothing matters. It doesn't hurt anymore and, as long as you stay drunk, you'll be ok. You can't have anyone challenge your behaviours, drinking "works" for you. You don't want to live without it, it would be too painful so you build a network of friends who also drink, you find your niche. You walk into bars and you belong. You just sit, drink and exchange stories.
The point of this post is twofold. If you have are addicted to alcohol, know that there is support out there, that you can live a better life, one that doesn't depend on staying numb. You deserve to be loved and live your life to the fullest. There is a reason you are here. It could be that what has happened to you, the source of your pain, is precisely why you are here. You are meant to rise above it and help others.
My second point is, if you love someone who is addicted to alcohol, shaming or controlling alcohol consumption will never work. Find the pain at the core of this addiction. Gather a group of individuals to inspire your loved one. This can be support groups, AA meetings, biographies of people who have recovered from alcohol or, self-help books that have a step by step process to make better choices and develop healthier habits.
You also need to take care of yourself. Never accept abuse from anyone. Whether you love someone who has a mental illness or an addiction, self-care is a must. Setting strong boundaries teaches your loved one about healthy relationships and ensures that you are safe. Do not isolate yourself, reach out and get support. Everything is easier when it is shared.
Anne Walsh
www,artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 29 June 2016
Failure
June 29th, 2016
From a very young age, we learn to compare ourselves to others. Are we taller, a faster runner, more popular, smarter than our peers? At school, we are rewarded for understanding quickly and repeating what we have learned. As we grow up, our parents, the media and community bombard us with messages regarding what it means to be successful. We might go to school longer to become the professionals our parents want us to be. We might work long hours to buy the big house and the ultra expensive sports car. We may use credit cards to pay for holidays we can't afford. We do this to look and feel successful.
In my work, I see people who are struggling with a sense of failure. After a divorce, many women feel like they have failed. Some will say that they should have left years earlier but they feared what others would say and think.
Mothers with teenagers come and see me because they feel that they have failed as a mother. Their previously loving and affectionate daughters no longer speak to them. Everything the moms say or do to bridge the gap that is ever widening only creates conflict. Their child is acting up and they fear that it's all their fault.
When clients come into my studio after they have been laid off, they are feeling shocked and disoriented. They climbed that social ladder and reached an acceptable status. When they suddenly find themselves further down the ladder, they feel like they have failed. It is a blow to their self-esteem.
We learn to avoid failure at all costs but failing is essential to our growth. We are here to experience life. If we fear participating in life because we don't ever want to fail, we end up not reaching our full potential. A comfortable life is not challenging therefore we don't learn anything new about others, about life and about ourselves.
When we fail, we get to receive love and support from our friends and family. These experiences show us who our true friends are and strengthen our relationships. Failing shuts doors so we might explore new avenues we never would have considered otherwise. When we fail in business, it can redirect us to a second career that is more compatible with our personality.
You don't know what you are capable of until you have experienced hardship. When you reach rock bottom, you have a choice-give up or get back up. What you decide teaches you something about your character. Failing also makes you more compassionate. When others are struggling, you can relate, you've been there. You know what others did that helped you pull through and you recall the things people said or did that just made it worst. This prepares you to support others to the best of your abilities.
If you have recently failed at something, ask yourself these questions:
1-On a scale of 1-10, how important will this seem to me in ten years from now? Will I still care?
2-What does this failure mean to me? What does it represent?
3-What story am I creating about this failure and where did this story originate?
4-Is this part of a pattern? Have I been here before? When did this pattern start? What needs healing?
5-How can I love myself today? What simple act of self-care can I perform to support myself?
6-What is the message in this failure? What is it meant to teach me?
7-Is there anything in my control that I can do to move forward today?
8-Who are the people I can reach out to, who love and support me?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
From a very young age, we learn to compare ourselves to others. Are we taller, a faster runner, more popular, smarter than our peers? At school, we are rewarded for understanding quickly and repeating what we have learned. As we grow up, our parents, the media and community bombard us with messages regarding what it means to be successful. We might go to school longer to become the professionals our parents want us to be. We might work long hours to buy the big house and the ultra expensive sports car. We may use credit cards to pay for holidays we can't afford. We do this to look and feel successful.
In my work, I see people who are struggling with a sense of failure. After a divorce, many women feel like they have failed. Some will say that they should have left years earlier but they feared what others would say and think.
Mothers with teenagers come and see me because they feel that they have failed as a mother. Their previously loving and affectionate daughters no longer speak to them. Everything the moms say or do to bridge the gap that is ever widening only creates conflict. Their child is acting up and they fear that it's all their fault.
When clients come into my studio after they have been laid off, they are feeling shocked and disoriented. They climbed that social ladder and reached an acceptable status. When they suddenly find themselves further down the ladder, they feel like they have failed. It is a blow to their self-esteem.
We learn to avoid failure at all costs but failing is essential to our growth. We are here to experience life. If we fear participating in life because we don't ever want to fail, we end up not reaching our full potential. A comfortable life is not challenging therefore we don't learn anything new about others, about life and about ourselves.
When we fail, we get to receive love and support from our friends and family. These experiences show us who our true friends are and strengthen our relationships. Failing shuts doors so we might explore new avenues we never would have considered otherwise. When we fail in business, it can redirect us to a second career that is more compatible with our personality.
You don't know what you are capable of until you have experienced hardship. When you reach rock bottom, you have a choice-give up or get back up. What you decide teaches you something about your character. Failing also makes you more compassionate. When others are struggling, you can relate, you've been there. You know what others did that helped you pull through and you recall the things people said or did that just made it worst. This prepares you to support others to the best of your abilities.
If you have recently failed at something, ask yourself these questions:
1-On a scale of 1-10, how important will this seem to me in ten years from now? Will I still care?
2-What does this failure mean to me? What does it represent?
3-What story am I creating about this failure and where did this story originate?
4-Is this part of a pattern? Have I been here before? When did this pattern start? What needs healing?
5-How can I love myself today? What simple act of self-care can I perform to support myself?
6-What is the message in this failure? What is it meant to teach me?
7-Is there anything in my control that I can do to move forward today?
8-Who are the people I can reach out to, who love and support me?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 22 June 2016
Only Her Hairdresser Knows
June 22nd, 2016
I am not a girly girl. It was a fluke that I ended up in a posh hair salon back in 2002 where I met my husband. I rarely get my hair cut, I didn't have a preferred hairstylist and I used to just get fed up and go to a cheap walk-in place to get my hair trimmed.
When I started dating my husband who is a Vidal Sassoon trained hairstylist, I had no clue just how invested some women get with their stylist. I had no clue how important hair was to these clients. To me, hair is hair, no big deal but to many women, their hair is very serious business. We met clients all the time when we were dating. These women would give me a once over and I knew they were deciding whether or not I deserved to be with Vincent. It felt like having hundreds of mother-in-laws. When I was pregnant with our first daughter, I went into labour on a Saturday (bad day when your husband is a stylist). Four of the eight women who were booked on that Saturday never returned to get their hair done after my husband cancelled their appointment on that Saturday.
Hair salons are notorious for gossip. Clients dish it out in the styling chair. My husband knows who is cheating, bankrupt, alcoholic, abusive and newly unemployed. He hears about women's frustrations with their husbands and applies this knowledge to our relationship (thank you clients!). When we are struggling with one of our daughters, he generally has at least one client who has been through it or works in an office where they deal with this and we get free advice all the time. This has come in handy.
His clients are on a six week rotation and changing these appointments is punishable by death (almost). So, when we go away for ten days every year in March, my husband returns to a packed house, trying to juggle people who are on their schedule while fitting in the clients he missed while we were away.
There is something about the fact that clients are not looking directly at my husband while they talk that leads to deep, revealing discussions. I have often wondered if it is the impact of speaking their truth while facing themselves in the mirror that lends itself to this intensity. Vincent has had women crying about childhood traumas, revealing deep, dark family secrets and admitting to feeling lost and off track in their lives-all in the stylist chair. I often joke that he is more of a therapist than a stylist because he deals with some pretty heavy-duty issues.
When we first met I thought of hair salons as a place of gossip and where women spent money on their looks. It all seemed shallow to me. However, through my husband and his clients, I have learned to see his work differently. The same women come to him every six weeks. Some of them came to see him as children and now they have their own. They connect with other clients, with Vincent and his assistant. They exchange contacts and advice. It is a safe, familiar place where people care about what is happening in your life.
On a deeper note, I have watched women go into his shop hunched and come out tall and proud. When he first takes on a client whose hair has been neglected or misunderstood, he cuts and colours it to complement the woman's skin tone and features. The result is that the client looks younger and sexy. The client stares at herself in the mirror in disbelief. Is this really me? There have been quite a few tears shed after such transformations and several babies conceived.
I am proud of my husband's work. He is competent and compassionate and he has taught me that hairstylists care about their clients, that they make a difference in their lives and that their services can be therapeutic as well as aesthetic. Long live the hairstylist!!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I am not a girly girl. It was a fluke that I ended up in a posh hair salon back in 2002 where I met my husband. I rarely get my hair cut, I didn't have a preferred hairstylist and I used to just get fed up and go to a cheap walk-in place to get my hair trimmed.
When I started dating my husband who is a Vidal Sassoon trained hairstylist, I had no clue just how invested some women get with their stylist. I had no clue how important hair was to these clients. To me, hair is hair, no big deal but to many women, their hair is very serious business. We met clients all the time when we were dating. These women would give me a once over and I knew they were deciding whether or not I deserved to be with Vincent. It felt like having hundreds of mother-in-laws. When I was pregnant with our first daughter, I went into labour on a Saturday (bad day when your husband is a stylist). Four of the eight women who were booked on that Saturday never returned to get their hair done after my husband cancelled their appointment on that Saturday.
Hair salons are notorious for gossip. Clients dish it out in the styling chair. My husband knows who is cheating, bankrupt, alcoholic, abusive and newly unemployed. He hears about women's frustrations with their husbands and applies this knowledge to our relationship (thank you clients!). When we are struggling with one of our daughters, he generally has at least one client who has been through it or works in an office where they deal with this and we get free advice all the time. This has come in handy.
His clients are on a six week rotation and changing these appointments is punishable by death (almost). So, when we go away for ten days every year in March, my husband returns to a packed house, trying to juggle people who are on their schedule while fitting in the clients he missed while we were away.
There is something about the fact that clients are not looking directly at my husband while they talk that leads to deep, revealing discussions. I have often wondered if it is the impact of speaking their truth while facing themselves in the mirror that lends itself to this intensity. Vincent has had women crying about childhood traumas, revealing deep, dark family secrets and admitting to feeling lost and off track in their lives-all in the stylist chair. I often joke that he is more of a therapist than a stylist because he deals with some pretty heavy-duty issues.
When we first met I thought of hair salons as a place of gossip and where women spent money on their looks. It all seemed shallow to me. However, through my husband and his clients, I have learned to see his work differently. The same women come to him every six weeks. Some of them came to see him as children and now they have their own. They connect with other clients, with Vincent and his assistant. They exchange contacts and advice. It is a safe, familiar place where people care about what is happening in your life.
On a deeper note, I have watched women go into his shop hunched and come out tall and proud. When he first takes on a client whose hair has been neglected or misunderstood, he cuts and colours it to complement the woman's skin tone and features. The result is that the client looks younger and sexy. The client stares at herself in the mirror in disbelief. Is this really me? There have been quite a few tears shed after such transformations and several babies conceived.
I am proud of my husband's work. He is competent and compassionate and he has taught me that hairstylists care about their clients, that they make a difference in their lives and that their services can be therapeutic as well as aesthetic. Long live the hairstylist!!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 9 June 2016
The Mommy Monologues?
June 9th, 2016
Yesterday, I went to Juice 97.5FM for an interview with Diana Fisher. We were promoting the book launch for my second children's book, The Story of Poobum and Pompom. This morning, I got to listen to the interview before I drove to the grocery store. I was proud of my interview because it gave me the opportunity to share the inspiration for the book, my own experience with my eldest daughter, Molly, when my youngest, Stella, was born. My intention in writing the book was to help other parents through this transition. It was such a challenging time for us as a family.
As I drove to the store, thinking about my life seven years ago and how far we have come, a title popped into my head, The Mommy Monologues. I remember when the Vagina Monologues just hit the stage. It was so controversial, women talking about their vaginas. Each vagina story revealed a different aspect of women- their femininity, sexuality, vulnerability, creativity and power. I was struck by how women struggle these days in their roles as mothers. Times have changed, women are liberated, they have so many choices-have a child, don't have a child, get married, don't get married, take maternity leave or return to work, work from home or work outside the home (just to name a few). You would think that would empower women but there is so much variety in the way we mother as well as judgment among moms.
Women may feel guilty if they wish to return to work soon after having their child. They may feel pressured to take the year off because they can. Others may want to stay home longer but need to return to work for financial reasons. The way we parent can be very different, the level of involvement, emotional availability and sharing, discipline, values, spiritual education of children etc. We have all these options but considerably less support during those important years of adjustment to our new role.
Becoming a parent changes you and it certainly impacts your relationship with your partner. We need more support as women in our important role as mothers. We also need more diversity in our stories and portrayals of mothers-working moms, stay-at-home moms, mothers with mental illnesses, mothers struggling with addictions or suffering through physical, emotional, sexual abuse, incarcerated mothers, mothers on welfare, moms with cancer, lesbian moms, adoptive moms, surrogate moms, step-moms, moms who never got to take their babies home-man there is so much richness just waiting to be harvested!
Wouldn't it be cool to have the Mommy Monologues, a play where a wide range of mothers get to share their story, something that will speak to each mother in the audience regardless of who she is and what she is going through, an experience that would breed compassion for every type of mom, celebrate our resilience and help others understand what mothering is like when your life is in a totally different reality.
I just had the title float through my mind today, it will simmer for a while until I can find a way to birth it and share it. This is a very exciting idea and I will savour it-its newness and potential, for just a while longer.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Yesterday, I went to Juice 97.5FM for an interview with Diana Fisher. We were promoting the book launch for my second children's book, The Story of Poobum and Pompom. This morning, I got to listen to the interview before I drove to the grocery store. I was proud of my interview because it gave me the opportunity to share the inspiration for the book, my own experience with my eldest daughter, Molly, when my youngest, Stella, was born. My intention in writing the book was to help other parents through this transition. It was such a challenging time for us as a family.
As I drove to the store, thinking about my life seven years ago and how far we have come, a title popped into my head, The Mommy Monologues. I remember when the Vagina Monologues just hit the stage. It was so controversial, women talking about their vaginas. Each vagina story revealed a different aspect of women- their femininity, sexuality, vulnerability, creativity and power. I was struck by how women struggle these days in their roles as mothers. Times have changed, women are liberated, they have so many choices-have a child, don't have a child, get married, don't get married, take maternity leave or return to work, work from home or work outside the home (just to name a few). You would think that would empower women but there is so much variety in the way we mother as well as judgment among moms.
Women may feel guilty if they wish to return to work soon after having their child. They may feel pressured to take the year off because they can. Others may want to stay home longer but need to return to work for financial reasons. The way we parent can be very different, the level of involvement, emotional availability and sharing, discipline, values, spiritual education of children etc. We have all these options but considerably less support during those important years of adjustment to our new role.
Becoming a parent changes you and it certainly impacts your relationship with your partner. We need more support as women in our important role as mothers. We also need more diversity in our stories and portrayals of mothers-working moms, stay-at-home moms, mothers with mental illnesses, mothers struggling with addictions or suffering through physical, emotional, sexual abuse, incarcerated mothers, mothers on welfare, moms with cancer, lesbian moms, adoptive moms, surrogate moms, step-moms, moms who never got to take their babies home-man there is so much richness just waiting to be harvested!
Wouldn't it be cool to have the Mommy Monologues, a play where a wide range of mothers get to share their story, something that will speak to each mother in the audience regardless of who she is and what she is going through, an experience that would breed compassion for every type of mom, celebrate our resilience and help others understand what mothering is like when your life is in a totally different reality.
I just had the title float through my mind today, it will simmer for a while until I can find a way to birth it and share it. This is a very exciting idea and I will savour it-its newness and potential, for just a while longer.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 6 June 2016
It Takes A Village
June 6th, 2016
We've all heard the expression: "It takes a village to raise a child". However, I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of community as an entrepreneur.
I was raised in the city and, as a child, I got to know the kids in my neighbourhood but the adults didn't mingle unless their children were friends. You could live three years within spitting distance of your neighbours and never get to know them. They were a mystery-their name, occupation, secrets, aspirations etc.
When I moved to the country, one of the things I loved was the way everyone seemed to know each other. Initially it's challenging because you are an outsider but as people see you around, as you get involved with various groups, as you cross paths, you forge connections and people and places become familiar. You reach a comfort level and a feeling of belonging. My children hate running errands with me because we bump into people I know and I like to chat which prolongs each errand much to their chagrin.
As an entrepreneur, sometimes, your biggest struggle is getting people to try your product or service. Word of mouth is a powerful tool in a rural community but only if someone has tried your services. There are so many expenses involved in starting a business-website, business cards, social media, marketing, inventory, staff, taxes, professional memberships, cell phone and e-mail accounts just to name a few. The advantage of being a part of a small community is you will find that many people are willing to connect you with the right resource and you help each other out.
I have been so fortunate to meet the right people who have connected me to amazing professionals. This past year has been focused primarily on working with children and teenagers within the school system. I was lucky that Mme Graham, then a Grade 3 teacher, allowed me to offer my creativity workshops to her students. Shelley Mitchell connected me to Oxford-on-Rideau Public School when they were searching for someone to run a few after-school art programs in November and December 2014. Tia Akse introduced me to Meredith Luce who became the illustrator of my deck of cards and books. My walking buddy, Chris Turnbull, brought Andrew McManaman, a first-year film student, into my life just when I needed someone to film my workshops. Mandy Moodie at Classic Graphics is super talented and constantly sets up posters or documents for me so they look professional. Maggie Boyer and David Shanahan empowered me to write a bunch of articles on topics of interest to me. Their paper, The NG Times, connected me to this community in a way I had never experienced and, they helped me publish my first book which gave me the confidence to write a second one. Jocelyne Elliott invited me into her Grade 2 class for my Have You Hugged Your Alien? workshop and sang my praises at the parent council. The Parent Council applied for funding so I could develop three workshops to improve communication among family members. The grant was approved and I had the pleasure of meeting so many local parents and children in the process. Bev Illauq invited me to the Catholic District School Board Community Partner Day two years ago. This led to me meeting Michelle Neville who has been a great resource and liaison for me. Anita Mitra, a teacher at the Smiths Falls District High School welcomed me into her High Arts program for a half day stress management workshop with her talented students. The North Grenville Public Library who is hosting my book launch. Jim Beveridge at B&H Your Community Grocer who not only supplies the empty boxes to organize my supplies for workshops but who has also offered to display my books for sale in his store at no cost to me. Are you out of breath yet?
As an entrepreneur, you depend on people to give you a chance, to tell others about your business, to sing your praises and to refer clients to you. You also grow as a business when people use local services and help each other out. I am so grateful to live in a rural community where people promote one another and celebrate each other's successes. Thank you Kemptville for your support and encouragement! I couldn't have made it this far without you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
We've all heard the expression: "It takes a village to raise a child". However, I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of community as an entrepreneur.
I was raised in the city and, as a child, I got to know the kids in my neighbourhood but the adults didn't mingle unless their children were friends. You could live three years within spitting distance of your neighbours and never get to know them. They were a mystery-their name, occupation, secrets, aspirations etc.
When I moved to the country, one of the things I loved was the way everyone seemed to know each other. Initially it's challenging because you are an outsider but as people see you around, as you get involved with various groups, as you cross paths, you forge connections and people and places become familiar. You reach a comfort level and a feeling of belonging. My children hate running errands with me because we bump into people I know and I like to chat which prolongs each errand much to their chagrin.
As an entrepreneur, sometimes, your biggest struggle is getting people to try your product or service. Word of mouth is a powerful tool in a rural community but only if someone has tried your services. There are so many expenses involved in starting a business-website, business cards, social media, marketing, inventory, staff, taxes, professional memberships, cell phone and e-mail accounts just to name a few. The advantage of being a part of a small community is you will find that many people are willing to connect you with the right resource and you help each other out.
I have been so fortunate to meet the right people who have connected me to amazing professionals. This past year has been focused primarily on working with children and teenagers within the school system. I was lucky that Mme Graham, then a Grade 3 teacher, allowed me to offer my creativity workshops to her students. Shelley Mitchell connected me to Oxford-on-Rideau Public School when they were searching for someone to run a few after-school art programs in November and December 2014. Tia Akse introduced me to Meredith Luce who became the illustrator of my deck of cards and books. My walking buddy, Chris Turnbull, brought Andrew McManaman, a first-year film student, into my life just when I needed someone to film my workshops. Mandy Moodie at Classic Graphics is super talented and constantly sets up posters or documents for me so they look professional. Maggie Boyer and David Shanahan empowered me to write a bunch of articles on topics of interest to me. Their paper, The NG Times, connected me to this community in a way I had never experienced and, they helped me publish my first book which gave me the confidence to write a second one. Jocelyne Elliott invited me into her Grade 2 class for my Have You Hugged Your Alien? workshop and sang my praises at the parent council. The Parent Council applied for funding so I could develop three workshops to improve communication among family members. The grant was approved and I had the pleasure of meeting so many local parents and children in the process. Bev Illauq invited me to the Catholic District School Board Community Partner Day two years ago. This led to me meeting Michelle Neville who has been a great resource and liaison for me. Anita Mitra, a teacher at the Smiths Falls District High School welcomed me into her High Arts program for a half day stress management workshop with her talented students. The North Grenville Public Library who is hosting my book launch. Jim Beveridge at B&H Your Community Grocer who not only supplies the empty boxes to organize my supplies for workshops but who has also offered to display my books for sale in his store at no cost to me. Are you out of breath yet?
As an entrepreneur, you depend on people to give you a chance, to tell others about your business, to sing your praises and to refer clients to you. You also grow as a business when people use local services and help each other out. I am so grateful to live in a rural community where people promote one another and celebrate each other's successes. Thank you Kemptville for your support and encouragement! I couldn't have made it this far without you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 26 May 2016
Hay House Withdrawal
May 26th, 2016
Today was the last day of podcasts on the Hay House World Summit. What a gift these interviews have been. Every day, while organizing the art materials in my shop, driving to and from various destinations and cleaning the house, I soaked in the wisdom of best selling self-help authors on the online summit, a series of audio podcasts. I believe there were four series totallIng 100 authors.
My dream is to publish with Hay House some day and join the summit. They have a Writer's Workshop where you can present your manuscript and win a publishing package or, better yet, they take you on as one of their authors. I can feel the book stirring within me and I am working towards it without pushing, all in good time.
Over the last couple of weeks, I have been guided through various meditations and visualizations, I have learned about my self-worth, my brain, my body, my soul and my relationships. I am so excited by what I have learned. It comes down to this: we all come from love and our essence is love, we have come here for a reason, we each have something to contribute and it's our responsibility to find our purpose by following what gives us joy and exploring how our experiences and our unique skills can be used to serve others.
Each author helps us on this quest to reach our highest selves and achieve our mission. We are taught to love ourselves through mirror work, affirmations and healthy nutrition by the master herself, Louise Hay.
We learn about meditation through various authors who talk about the clarity they gain when they slow down, get centred and connect with their wise mind. Others have us connect with our bodies to help us heal. There is so much hope about healing through nutrition, visualization, exploration of our emotional blockages and rituals led and witnessed by shamans.
There are so many interesting interviews about self-expression and creativity through storytelling, writing, journaling, dancing and chanting. I have recognized the importance of a sisterhood as a mother, writer, soul, entrepreneur and spouse. I am inspired to speak my truth, to share my journey with other women, to seek out a mentor, embrace my sexuality and wildness, to nourish my body, centre my mind and be gentle with myself. I see these successful women and I strive to stay on my path.
I was really drawn to the visualizations. In one, you shrink yourself, visit the inside of your body and notice any anomalies. You inhale healing light and exhale what you no longer need. You physically change the look of your cells, clean them up and breathe love into them. Then you exit and go back to your usual size. Such a powerful meditation.
In another meditation, you remove the energy hooks that are holding you back. You reclaim your energy from the various sources that are draining you whether it's a person or a belief. You then welcome the energy back into your body. Feels awesome.
So much soul searching and I owe it all to this free, online series. Thank you Hay House!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today was the last day of podcasts on the Hay House World Summit. What a gift these interviews have been. Every day, while organizing the art materials in my shop, driving to and from various destinations and cleaning the house, I soaked in the wisdom of best selling self-help authors on the online summit, a series of audio podcasts. I believe there were four series totallIng 100 authors.
My dream is to publish with Hay House some day and join the summit. They have a Writer's Workshop where you can present your manuscript and win a publishing package or, better yet, they take you on as one of their authors. I can feel the book stirring within me and I am working towards it without pushing, all in good time.
Over the last couple of weeks, I have been guided through various meditations and visualizations, I have learned about my self-worth, my brain, my body, my soul and my relationships. I am so excited by what I have learned. It comes down to this: we all come from love and our essence is love, we have come here for a reason, we each have something to contribute and it's our responsibility to find our purpose by following what gives us joy and exploring how our experiences and our unique skills can be used to serve others.
Each author helps us on this quest to reach our highest selves and achieve our mission. We are taught to love ourselves through mirror work, affirmations and healthy nutrition by the master herself, Louise Hay.
We learn about meditation through various authors who talk about the clarity they gain when they slow down, get centred and connect with their wise mind. Others have us connect with our bodies to help us heal. There is so much hope about healing through nutrition, visualization, exploration of our emotional blockages and rituals led and witnessed by shamans.
There are so many interesting interviews about self-expression and creativity through storytelling, writing, journaling, dancing and chanting. I have recognized the importance of a sisterhood as a mother, writer, soul, entrepreneur and spouse. I am inspired to speak my truth, to share my journey with other women, to seek out a mentor, embrace my sexuality and wildness, to nourish my body, centre my mind and be gentle with myself. I see these successful women and I strive to stay on my path.
I was really drawn to the visualizations. In one, you shrink yourself, visit the inside of your body and notice any anomalies. You inhale healing light and exhale what you no longer need. You physically change the look of your cells, clean them up and breathe love into them. Then you exit and go back to your usual size. Such a powerful meditation.
In another meditation, you remove the energy hooks that are holding you back. You reclaim your energy from the various sources that are draining you whether it's a person or a belief. You then welcome the energy back into your body. Feels awesome.
So much soul searching and I owe it all to this free, online series. Thank you Hay House!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 24 May 2016
Friendships
May 24th, 2016
What did you do over the long weekend? We had amazing weather! We seem to have suddenly fallen into summer. We ate outdoors and the trampoline got plenty of use and, we hung out at Baxter's Beach for the first time this season. The Ice Cream Float was out, that is the name of a boat. It belongs to a super sweet man who crosses the river from his home to Baxter's Beach in his boat in order to sell ice cream to hoards of overheated and eagerly awaiting children. The beach is my zone and I could spend the entire day (my whole life) there. My children usually want to go home after a few hours. Sigh!
I was thinking about friendships over the weekend. My youngest daughter had her friend Ruby over to the house. They are both seven years old and were so excited to spend time together. They created masterpieces at our dining room table then had some lunch while watching Teen Titans. They spent a good 30 minutes on the trampoline then I challenged them with a treasure hunt. They had to jump rope, pick flowers from our property, do somersaults across the lawn, race on bouncy balls and swing to another galaxy on our swing set. They played with dolls for a while then they drew with chalk on the back deck. They were having a great time. By the time Ruby's Mom came over to pick her up, Ruby wanted to sleep over. My daughters and her had planned their whole evening while they drew flowers and rainbows all over the deck. When her mother said no, Ruby was very disappointed. My eldest daughter is 10 years old but she had played with my youngest and her friend and they had quickly bonded. I truly enjoyed our day. I love being around young ones because they are in the moment, savouring each activity, participating fully. They love each other so deeply and their friendships are so precious. It's really heartwarming.
That evening, my husband set out to meet a friend of his who was visiting from Norway. They have been friends for a long time. They don't see each other often, due to distance, but when they spend time together it's as if no time has elapsed. They both had children later in life and married in the same year. Becoming fathers has changed them both, deepening their friendship. He came home the next morning seeming happier and even more appreciative of our daughters. I caught a glimpse of him holding our youngest daughter, smiling, content.
My husband has also developed a new relationship recently with the father of one of our eldest daughter's friends. They both love music and beer and they are like two children when they get together, joking, excited and happy. This has been a great friendship for them. They go out every two weeks on their "Bro-date". I can tell they look forward to it and they both get something out of it. I am glad that they have found each other.
I meet a friend of mine every week. We go for walks and we talk about our lives, our challenges, our aspirations and the really cool people we have met. I look forward to our walks because it is great exercise for me and I feel great afterwards. However, I mostly enjoy our time together. Our conversations make me think and force me to view the world in a different way. Last week, another lady I had met through volunteering at my daughter's school asked if she could join us. I look forward to getting to know her. She is one of those people who has an open face, friendly, honest and kind. I am excited for this week's walk. I also stay in touch with friends from previous phases of my life. We catch up on Facebook, via e-mail or, if they are in Ottawa, we connect for coffee once in a while. Again, it feels as though no time has elapsed every time we meet.
Seeing my friends fills me up. I have more energy, I am more patient with my husband and children after a date with a friend and, I connect with different parts of myself through my friendships. Some friends are more intellectual, we will bounce ideas off one another and grow in awareness together. Other friends are silly and naughty and they teach me to relax and enjoy my life. My creative friends set me on fire. I leave our meet ups feeling energized and motivated to express myself in bold new ways.
I can see how my daughters learn about themselves through friendships as well. They learn to communicate, share and empathize. They feel special because this person wants to be their friend. They get a sense of belonging and they identify with what they have in common whether that's a love of gymnastics, a favourite colour or having long blond hair.
Friendships are so important for us as human beings. I wanted to celebrate the role of friendships in today's post. If you don't have a few close friends, participate in activities you enjoy in order to meet like-minded people. Don't be afraid to approach people and ask them if they'd like to grab a coffee or go for a walk. There are lots of fascinating people out there just waiting to be discovered, like you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
What did you do over the long weekend? We had amazing weather! We seem to have suddenly fallen into summer. We ate outdoors and the trampoline got plenty of use and, we hung out at Baxter's Beach for the first time this season. The Ice Cream Float was out, that is the name of a boat. It belongs to a super sweet man who crosses the river from his home to Baxter's Beach in his boat in order to sell ice cream to hoards of overheated and eagerly awaiting children. The beach is my zone and I could spend the entire day (my whole life) there. My children usually want to go home after a few hours. Sigh!
I was thinking about friendships over the weekend. My youngest daughter had her friend Ruby over to the house. They are both seven years old and were so excited to spend time together. They created masterpieces at our dining room table then had some lunch while watching Teen Titans. They spent a good 30 minutes on the trampoline then I challenged them with a treasure hunt. They had to jump rope, pick flowers from our property, do somersaults across the lawn, race on bouncy balls and swing to another galaxy on our swing set. They played with dolls for a while then they drew with chalk on the back deck. They were having a great time. By the time Ruby's Mom came over to pick her up, Ruby wanted to sleep over. My daughters and her had planned their whole evening while they drew flowers and rainbows all over the deck. When her mother said no, Ruby was very disappointed. My eldest daughter is 10 years old but she had played with my youngest and her friend and they had quickly bonded. I truly enjoyed our day. I love being around young ones because they are in the moment, savouring each activity, participating fully. They love each other so deeply and their friendships are so precious. It's really heartwarming.
That evening, my husband set out to meet a friend of his who was visiting from Norway. They have been friends for a long time. They don't see each other often, due to distance, but when they spend time together it's as if no time has elapsed. They both had children later in life and married in the same year. Becoming fathers has changed them both, deepening their friendship. He came home the next morning seeming happier and even more appreciative of our daughters. I caught a glimpse of him holding our youngest daughter, smiling, content.
My husband has also developed a new relationship recently with the father of one of our eldest daughter's friends. They both love music and beer and they are like two children when they get together, joking, excited and happy. This has been a great friendship for them. They go out every two weeks on their "Bro-date". I can tell they look forward to it and they both get something out of it. I am glad that they have found each other.
I meet a friend of mine every week. We go for walks and we talk about our lives, our challenges, our aspirations and the really cool people we have met. I look forward to our walks because it is great exercise for me and I feel great afterwards. However, I mostly enjoy our time together. Our conversations make me think and force me to view the world in a different way. Last week, another lady I had met through volunteering at my daughter's school asked if she could join us. I look forward to getting to know her. She is one of those people who has an open face, friendly, honest and kind. I am excited for this week's walk. I also stay in touch with friends from previous phases of my life. We catch up on Facebook, via e-mail or, if they are in Ottawa, we connect for coffee once in a while. Again, it feels as though no time has elapsed every time we meet.
Seeing my friends fills me up. I have more energy, I am more patient with my husband and children after a date with a friend and, I connect with different parts of myself through my friendships. Some friends are more intellectual, we will bounce ideas off one another and grow in awareness together. Other friends are silly and naughty and they teach me to relax and enjoy my life. My creative friends set me on fire. I leave our meet ups feeling energized and motivated to express myself in bold new ways.
I can see how my daughters learn about themselves through friendships as well. They learn to communicate, share and empathize. They feel special because this person wants to be their friend. They get a sense of belonging and they identify with what they have in common whether that's a love of gymnastics, a favourite colour or having long blond hair.
Friendships are so important for us as human beings. I wanted to celebrate the role of friendships in today's post. If you don't have a few close friends, participate in activities you enjoy in order to meet like-minded people. Don't be afraid to approach people and ask them if they'd like to grab a coffee or go for a walk. There are lots of fascinating people out there just waiting to be discovered, like you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 17 March 2016
Unhealthy Relationships
March 16th, 2016
Today, I'd like to talk about unhealthy relationships. We hear certain key words: domestic violence or abusive relationship. We imagine a woman being beaten by her drunken husband. She is afraid but she stays with him and we judge her. Why doesn't she leave? Judgment takes away our fear. It protects us from the reality that it could be any one of us. By asking why "they" stay, we create a wall between "them" and "us".
The fact is many women are in unhealthy relationships. Some know their relationship is unhealthy and they seek help or create a plan to leave. However, many women hide this wisdom from themselves and everyone else. An unhealthy relationship is any relationship that makes you feel poorly about yourself, that creates separation between you and your support system and instills fear about your safety or the well-being of your children.
You are attracted to a man. He is really into you. He wants to be with you all the time. When you are apart, he texts you or calls you. If you don't respond right away, he is disappointed. If you are unable to meet with him because you have plans with friends or family, he makes you feel guilty. He had something special planned. He may tell you that he is uncomfortable around your friends or your family. You spend more time with him and try to squeeze your friends and family in when you are not with him because you know he doesn't feel comfortable around them. He just wants to be alone with you. You turn down invitations until no one bothers to call you. Your loved ones don't like him but they just don't "get" him the way you do. You love him and he is carry about you.
Once you are hooked on him and isolated from your friends and family, your boyfriend gets more demanding, more moody. He has a tremper. When you disagree with him or won't do what he wants, he gets angry. You find yourself doing things you don't want to appease him. This could include having sex. You also keep information from him to protect yourself from his outburst like the fact that you met with a friend for coffee. He doesn't like that friend and wouldn't approve of you seeing her. Drinking makes his anger worst but he shows no sign of abstaining from alcohol. You may realize that you are in danger. Who do you turn to? You have alienated your friends and family. They were right but you are not ready to admit to this just yet. There are times when he is just so sweet. You have a great time. These peaks are just enough to keep you involved. You tell yourself it's not so bad. This may escalate to physical violence or it may never come to that.
There are things you do that he notices and he shares his observations with you, for your own good. The way you hold your cup of coffee or the sound of your voice, the way you dance, the clothes you wear, little details that make you who you are. He points out what you should work on and make you feel ashamed. This may be worst when he is around his friends. He may correct you in front of them or comment one something that he knows makes you feel vulnerable. All of this attention on you, keeps you from noticing things about him. They create doubt in your concept of yourself. You forget what it was like to feel confident in who you were and to expect love from those around you. This is his super power. After a while you don't even notice the unhealthy behaviors. You are used to hiding and pretending, avoiding his outbursts when you can, making excuses for him along the way.
If someone you love is in this kind of relationship, the best thing you can do is be loving and supportive of them. If you get angry and try to convince her that he is no good, she will hide his behaviors from you and shut you out. If you behave in loving ways toward her she will start to notice the drastic difference between the way she feels when she is around you and when she is with him. She will remember that she has a choice, that it can be better, that she was someone and had a life before this person. She will choose someone who loves her too. It won't happen all at once, it will sink in over time. Don't judge, don't preach or give advice. Just keep loving her. It is your super power.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today, I'd like to talk about unhealthy relationships. We hear certain key words: domestic violence or abusive relationship. We imagine a woman being beaten by her drunken husband. She is afraid but she stays with him and we judge her. Why doesn't she leave? Judgment takes away our fear. It protects us from the reality that it could be any one of us. By asking why "they" stay, we create a wall between "them" and "us".
The fact is many women are in unhealthy relationships. Some know their relationship is unhealthy and they seek help or create a plan to leave. However, many women hide this wisdom from themselves and everyone else. An unhealthy relationship is any relationship that makes you feel poorly about yourself, that creates separation between you and your support system and instills fear about your safety or the well-being of your children.
You are attracted to a man. He is really into you. He wants to be with you all the time. When you are apart, he texts you or calls you. If you don't respond right away, he is disappointed. If you are unable to meet with him because you have plans with friends or family, he makes you feel guilty. He had something special planned. He may tell you that he is uncomfortable around your friends or your family. You spend more time with him and try to squeeze your friends and family in when you are not with him because you know he doesn't feel comfortable around them. He just wants to be alone with you. You turn down invitations until no one bothers to call you. Your loved ones don't like him but they just don't "get" him the way you do. You love him and he is carry about you.
Once you are hooked on him and isolated from your friends and family, your boyfriend gets more demanding, more moody. He has a tremper. When you disagree with him or won't do what he wants, he gets angry. You find yourself doing things you don't want to appease him. This could include having sex. You also keep information from him to protect yourself from his outburst like the fact that you met with a friend for coffee. He doesn't like that friend and wouldn't approve of you seeing her. Drinking makes his anger worst but he shows no sign of abstaining from alcohol. You may realize that you are in danger. Who do you turn to? You have alienated your friends and family. They were right but you are not ready to admit to this just yet. There are times when he is just so sweet. You have a great time. These peaks are just enough to keep you involved. You tell yourself it's not so bad. This may escalate to physical violence or it may never come to that.
There are things you do that he notices and he shares his observations with you, for your own good. The way you hold your cup of coffee or the sound of your voice, the way you dance, the clothes you wear, little details that make you who you are. He points out what you should work on and make you feel ashamed. This may be worst when he is around his friends. He may correct you in front of them or comment one something that he knows makes you feel vulnerable. All of this attention on you, keeps you from noticing things about him. They create doubt in your concept of yourself. You forget what it was like to feel confident in who you were and to expect love from those around you. This is his super power. After a while you don't even notice the unhealthy behaviors. You are used to hiding and pretending, avoiding his outbursts when you can, making excuses for him along the way.
If someone you love is in this kind of relationship, the best thing you can do is be loving and supportive of them. If you get angry and try to convince her that he is no good, she will hide his behaviors from you and shut you out. If you behave in loving ways toward her she will start to notice the drastic difference between the way she feels when she is around you and when she is with him. She will remember that she has a choice, that it can be better, that she was someone and had a life before this person. She will choose someone who loves her too. It won't happen all at once, it will sink in over time. Don't judge, don't preach or give advice. Just keep loving her. It is your super power.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 10 March 2016
Learning
March 9th, 2016
I love reading, writing and watching documentaries. I am very curious and, thankfully, my husband and children share my thirst for knowledge. I am puzzled by our school system. Our teachers are trained to transfer their knowledge to students but we keep increasing class sizes while decreasing support. I have two daughters. I love them and do my best as their parent but it's a tough job being a mom (or dad). I can't imagine being alone with thirty students, having to be a good role model, managing behaviours and teaching skills to these students so they perform well during testing by the Ministry of Education. I think it's time we take a good look at what we are trying to achieve and support teachers in reaching these goals.
Children are naturally curious. They observe and ask questions, they touch everything. They do NOT like to sit still for long periods of time and, if you talk to them for longer than five minutes, you can be sure they are not listening. They are busy using their active imagination. We know children love playing outdoors, they learn from one another and by observing adults, they want to explore new objects and environments. However, we design classrooms to encourage sitting and place desks strategically so students are all facing and listening to the adult.
As a college professor, I challenged myself to teach in ways that involved every student in my class. I would start with a story to set up the theme of the day and engage my auditory students. I showed a brief video clip or drawing to reach the visual students. They could download note outlines which helped them organize the information. We woud then have an activity to provide hands-on instruction for kinesthetic learners. In this way, every student learned the same information in their own way.
Once my daughters started school, I noticed their attitude toward their homework. They would tell me they spent a lot of time doing these exact same activities at school. They didn't understand the need to do more of the same thing at home. I watched their enthusiasm for learning fade over time. This worried me because I wanted them to stay curious and excited about learning new things. I started looking into different types of schools.
Montessori schools organize their classrooms into learning areas so students can visit the different sections and learn by interacting with the supplies. The teacher respects the interests of each student and facilitates learning. One example that impressed me was how students learned about geography. Instead of speaking about a place that exists far away as an abstract concept, students were assembling a puzzle of a world map so they learned where each continent and country belonged. They also ate foods from various areas, did art about the flags of different countries and practiced traditions. The students were moving around the class, learning at their own pace, following their interests.
What appealed to me about Waldorf schools was their connection to nature and creativity. There is a return to craftsmanship as students learn to bake bread, weave scarves and carve sculptures out of wood. Students are encouraged to express themselves and teachers support their development in holistic ways. There is a rich culture and many traditions within this school setting. I took my girls to a few Waldorf festivals and noticed that many age groups were learning the same topic at varying levels of maturity reflected in the expectations placed on them during the activity. It felt like a very respectful, wholesome learning environment.
The Reggio approach is my favorite. Reggio schools focus on the curiosity of students. They develop entire lesson plans around the interests of their students. Students may ask a question or perhaps something is happening in the world at that time that the students are trying to understand. The teacher organizes a project that the classroom can work on collaboratively. Teachers and students are exploring this topic together, learning from each other. This is a very exciting, active way of learning. What I love most is that all students are involved in the learning process in a non-competitive way.
Teachers start out with a passion for learning and teaching as well as a love of children. They need support through manageable class sizes, teacher's assistants and access to exciting resource materials. Also, if teachers can work together on lesson plans, each one building on what the other has taught, there will be more collaboration, less stress and better results.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I love reading, writing and watching documentaries. I am very curious and, thankfully, my husband and children share my thirst for knowledge. I am puzzled by our school system. Our teachers are trained to transfer their knowledge to students but we keep increasing class sizes while decreasing support. I have two daughters. I love them and do my best as their parent but it's a tough job being a mom (or dad). I can't imagine being alone with thirty students, having to be a good role model, managing behaviours and teaching skills to these students so they perform well during testing by the Ministry of Education. I think it's time we take a good look at what we are trying to achieve and support teachers in reaching these goals.
Children are naturally curious. They observe and ask questions, they touch everything. They do NOT like to sit still for long periods of time and, if you talk to them for longer than five minutes, you can be sure they are not listening. They are busy using their active imagination. We know children love playing outdoors, they learn from one another and by observing adults, they want to explore new objects and environments. However, we design classrooms to encourage sitting and place desks strategically so students are all facing and listening to the adult.
As a college professor, I challenged myself to teach in ways that involved every student in my class. I would start with a story to set up the theme of the day and engage my auditory students. I showed a brief video clip or drawing to reach the visual students. They could download note outlines which helped them organize the information. We woud then have an activity to provide hands-on instruction for kinesthetic learners. In this way, every student learned the same information in their own way.
Once my daughters started school, I noticed their attitude toward their homework. They would tell me they spent a lot of time doing these exact same activities at school. They didn't understand the need to do more of the same thing at home. I watched their enthusiasm for learning fade over time. This worried me because I wanted them to stay curious and excited about learning new things. I started looking into different types of schools.
Montessori schools organize their classrooms into learning areas so students can visit the different sections and learn by interacting with the supplies. The teacher respects the interests of each student and facilitates learning. One example that impressed me was how students learned about geography. Instead of speaking about a place that exists far away as an abstract concept, students were assembling a puzzle of a world map so they learned where each continent and country belonged. They also ate foods from various areas, did art about the flags of different countries and practiced traditions. The students were moving around the class, learning at their own pace, following their interests.
What appealed to me about Waldorf schools was their connection to nature and creativity. There is a return to craftsmanship as students learn to bake bread, weave scarves and carve sculptures out of wood. Students are encouraged to express themselves and teachers support their development in holistic ways. There is a rich culture and many traditions within this school setting. I took my girls to a few Waldorf festivals and noticed that many age groups were learning the same topic at varying levels of maturity reflected in the expectations placed on them during the activity. It felt like a very respectful, wholesome learning environment.
The Reggio approach is my favorite. Reggio schools focus on the curiosity of students. They develop entire lesson plans around the interests of their students. Students may ask a question or perhaps something is happening in the world at that time that the students are trying to understand. The teacher organizes a project that the classroom can work on collaboratively. Teachers and students are exploring this topic together, learning from each other. This is a very exciting, active way of learning. What I love most is that all students are involved in the learning process in a non-competitive way.
Teachers start out with a passion for learning and teaching as well as a love of children. They need support through manageable class sizes, teacher's assistants and access to exciting resource materials. Also, if teachers can work together on lesson plans, each one building on what the other has taught, there will be more collaboration, less stress and better results.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 8 March 2016
To be or not to be Gay
March 4th, 2016
I will always remember the day I heard that the man of my dreams was gay. I was 17 years old and madly in lust for someone I had just met. He was a friend of my friends and I met him through them. I asked my friends if he was seeing anyone. They confirmed that he was single. I got all dolled up for the next party. On the bus, as we were getting closer to the party, I was asking questions about my guy. My friends answered my questions but something was wrong. After each answer they would exchange looks and giggle. When they told me not to get my hopes up I got angry. I asked them to explain their behavior: did they think I wasn't good enough for him? They realised they were hurting my feelings and decided to put me out of my misery. They told me: Anne, he's gay.
I had never met a gay person before and was totally ignorant about the whole thing. They had bursted my bubble. At the party, the gay guy was making out with a girl which confused me. Apparently, when he's drunk, he is not as gay? Over the years, we became really close friends. I stopped trying to make him straight and he became my hairstylist, make-up artist and fashion consultant. I was like a live mannequin for him. Oddly enough, he was the first person who made me feel beautiful.
I met many of his boyfriends over the years. We travelled to Montreal together to shop and sit in coffee houses meeting new people. I had always been shy but he was so social that I was able to relax and enjoy meeting new people. My teen years were among the best years of my life-a time of exploration through our theater group, of discovering my beauty and femininity through my gay best friend and, opportunities to meet new people.
My awareness and understanding of what it means to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender grew as I met and became friends with an ever-expanding circle of friends. These relationships made me a more open, relaxed, compassionate person. I met young adults who were being denied as a member of their family because of who they were. I met two individuals who were in the process of changing their sexual identity. The people I met during those years were so authentic, accepting and open. We had meaningful discussions and I thoroughly enjoyed this period of my life.
I recently offered a stress management workshop for teens and I saw the same struggle playing out. It brought it all back for me. Their conflict over pretending to be someone they are not in order to fit in or be who they are and risk rejection. I send love to anyone going through this process of self-discovery. It's not easy but you are beautiful and worthy of love. I hope someone will read these words and feel accepted and loved. Just be yourself, your true friends will stand by you and your life will be much happier because you are being authentic.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I will always remember the day I heard that the man of my dreams was gay. I was 17 years old and madly in lust for someone I had just met. He was a friend of my friends and I met him through them. I asked my friends if he was seeing anyone. They confirmed that he was single. I got all dolled up for the next party. On the bus, as we were getting closer to the party, I was asking questions about my guy. My friends answered my questions but something was wrong. After each answer they would exchange looks and giggle. When they told me not to get my hopes up I got angry. I asked them to explain their behavior: did they think I wasn't good enough for him? They realised they were hurting my feelings and decided to put me out of my misery. They told me: Anne, he's gay.
I had never met a gay person before and was totally ignorant about the whole thing. They had bursted my bubble. At the party, the gay guy was making out with a girl which confused me. Apparently, when he's drunk, he is not as gay? Over the years, we became really close friends. I stopped trying to make him straight and he became my hairstylist, make-up artist and fashion consultant. I was like a live mannequin for him. Oddly enough, he was the first person who made me feel beautiful.
I met many of his boyfriends over the years. We travelled to Montreal together to shop and sit in coffee houses meeting new people. I had always been shy but he was so social that I was able to relax and enjoy meeting new people. My teen years were among the best years of my life-a time of exploration through our theater group, of discovering my beauty and femininity through my gay best friend and, opportunities to meet new people.
My awareness and understanding of what it means to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender grew as I met and became friends with an ever-expanding circle of friends. These relationships made me a more open, relaxed, compassionate person. I met young adults who were being denied as a member of their family because of who they were. I met two individuals who were in the process of changing their sexual identity. The people I met during those years were so authentic, accepting and open. We had meaningful discussions and I thoroughly enjoyed this period of my life.
I recently offered a stress management workshop for teens and I saw the same struggle playing out. It brought it all back for me. Their conflict over pretending to be someone they are not in order to fit in or be who they are and risk rejection. I send love to anyone going through this process of self-discovery. It's not easy but you are beautiful and worthy of love. I hope someone will read these words and feel accepted and loved. Just be yourself, your true friends will stand by you and your life will be much happier because you are being authentic.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 25 February 2016
Parent for life
February 23rd, 2016
The issue of caring for children even into adulthood never occurred to me until a woman asked for help with her son. He was employed a few hours a week and needed a ride home from work. The mother was able to drop him off on her way to work but she couldn't bring him back home after his shift just a few hours later. Her son had just graduated from high school and this was his first opportunity to work in the community. For young adults with Asperger Syndrome, transitioning from high school can be tricky. An opportunity to gain work skills can not be passed up. I was free at the time her son was done his shift so I offered to give him a ride home.
I wasn't sure what to expect. He was waiting for me outside his workplace when I arrived on the first day. We chatted on the way home about his responsibilities at work and whatever he purchased at the store. He was able to cook his own lunch and was looking forward to eating whatever was on the menu that day. As the weeks went by, I discovered his sense of humour and he opened up about his issues with family members, clients and the neighbours. I enjoyed our chats. He was very intelligent and interesting.
I have met other parents since then and learned about the tremendous pressure of loving an adult child with Asperger Syndrome. One of my mother's colleagues has an adult son who lives with them. She is worried about the future. She and her husband are aging and they worry about who will take care of their son when they are no longer able to do it. They have another son but they don't want to burden him with the responsibility. There aren't as many options for AS than for individuals with other needs.
A friend of mine has a teenage son on the spectrum. His friends are all getting their driver's licence but he is not able to get his. There are little realizations along the way that are challenging for individuals with AS and their loved ones.
In theory, there seems to be housing options. The Asperger Autism Network website (www.aane.org), recommends factors to consider when choosing adequate housing for individuals with AS. "It's important to choose housing that will support their sensory, social and environmental needs". They must have a place where they can be alone, comfortable and quiet.
According to an article in www.autismdigest.com dated July/August 2012, "it is estimated that approximately 500,000 individuals with ASD will reach adulthood in the next 15 years". This website proposes the use of the Functional Skills Screening Inventory (FSSI) in order to "improve services through observable behaviour change and by focusing on the functional living skills needed to be an integral part of the community". Once you have assessed the individual's strengths and needs, you can examine the variety of housing options ranging from adult foster homes to supervised apartments.
As you read about independent living, supported living and group homes, it can seem that finding appropriate accommodations is simply a matter of choice. However, as I speak to parents of adults on the spectrum, the reality is that these options are not available in their community. Therefore, parents are left to care for their adult offspring on their own or, with some assistance from an agency, while their son or daughter lives with them.
I did some research and found an exciting program in Texas. You may wonder why I am bothering to report on it since it is so far away. I think it can serve as a starting point and role model to inspire discussion and innovation in our community.
Marbridge is a residential program for individuals with AS. It "fulfills all nine of the Autism Society's quality of life indicators". Young adults come to this program after high school and Marbridge provides an individualized program for them to meet their personal goals. The focus may have to do with personal skills like self-care, life skills like cooking or washing laundry or, if the individual wishes to find employment, job skills including writing a resume and preparing for interviews.
The program was founded in 1953 but it has been re-vamped in 2001 to integrate "education, socialization, recreation, independent living skills and employment instructions". Their website is www.marbridge.org. Their home page boasts a success story, detailing the many steps that were taken to get this young man to his current independent life. We need more programs like these to support the many families seeking adequate solutions.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
The issue of caring for children even into adulthood never occurred to me until a woman asked for help with her son. He was employed a few hours a week and needed a ride home from work. The mother was able to drop him off on her way to work but she couldn't bring him back home after his shift just a few hours later. Her son had just graduated from high school and this was his first opportunity to work in the community. For young adults with Asperger Syndrome, transitioning from high school can be tricky. An opportunity to gain work skills can not be passed up. I was free at the time her son was done his shift so I offered to give him a ride home.
I wasn't sure what to expect. He was waiting for me outside his workplace when I arrived on the first day. We chatted on the way home about his responsibilities at work and whatever he purchased at the store. He was able to cook his own lunch and was looking forward to eating whatever was on the menu that day. As the weeks went by, I discovered his sense of humour and he opened up about his issues with family members, clients and the neighbours. I enjoyed our chats. He was very intelligent and interesting.
I have met other parents since then and learned about the tremendous pressure of loving an adult child with Asperger Syndrome. One of my mother's colleagues has an adult son who lives with them. She is worried about the future. She and her husband are aging and they worry about who will take care of their son when they are no longer able to do it. They have another son but they don't want to burden him with the responsibility. There aren't as many options for AS than for individuals with other needs.
A friend of mine has a teenage son on the spectrum. His friends are all getting their driver's licence but he is not able to get his. There are little realizations along the way that are challenging for individuals with AS and their loved ones.
In theory, there seems to be housing options. The Asperger Autism Network website (www.aane.org), recommends factors to consider when choosing adequate housing for individuals with AS. "It's important to choose housing that will support their sensory, social and environmental needs". They must have a place where they can be alone, comfortable and quiet.
According to an article in www.autismdigest.com dated July/August 2012, "it is estimated that approximately 500,000 individuals with ASD will reach adulthood in the next 15 years". This website proposes the use of the Functional Skills Screening Inventory (FSSI) in order to "improve services through observable behaviour change and by focusing on the functional living skills needed to be an integral part of the community". Once you have assessed the individual's strengths and needs, you can examine the variety of housing options ranging from adult foster homes to supervised apartments.
As you read about independent living, supported living and group homes, it can seem that finding appropriate accommodations is simply a matter of choice. However, as I speak to parents of adults on the spectrum, the reality is that these options are not available in their community. Therefore, parents are left to care for their adult offspring on their own or, with some assistance from an agency, while their son or daughter lives with them.
I did some research and found an exciting program in Texas. You may wonder why I am bothering to report on it since it is so far away. I think it can serve as a starting point and role model to inspire discussion and innovation in our community.
Marbridge is a residential program for individuals with AS. It "fulfills all nine of the Autism Society's quality of life indicators". Young adults come to this program after high school and Marbridge provides an individualized program for them to meet their personal goals. The focus may have to do with personal skills like self-care, life skills like cooking or washing laundry or, if the individual wishes to find employment, job skills including writing a resume and preparing for interviews.
The program was founded in 1953 but it has been re-vamped in 2001 to integrate "education, socialization, recreation, independent living skills and employment instructions". Their website is www.marbridge.org. Their home page boasts a success story, detailing the many steps that were taken to get this young man to his current independent life. We need more programs like these to support the many families seeking adequate solutions.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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