December 20th, 2016
My husband is now officially off for the holidays. I spent all of yesterday cleaning up various parts of the house and by the end of the day I had to go to bad at 6:30pm from the exhaustion. It feels like I have been de-cluttering and cleaning for months.
Today, as I was cleaning the refrigerator, a thought kept popping into my mind. Somewhere out there, someone is feeling discouraged and hopeless. Someone will commit suicide before the end of 2016. The statistics on suicide are staggering. It makes me sad and frightens me all at once. I am sad that so many people feel alone and helpless. I feel sad for parents who have lost their son or daughter in such a senseless way. It frightens me because I have two daughters. What if this happens to me? I can't imagine I would survive. One thing is for sure, I would never be the same. Which brings me back to the topic of this post.
If you want to kill yourself and you are reading this, please give me a moment. I know you are in pain. You can't imagine that anyone would care if you were gone. Consider this. Your thoughts are not helping you right now. You feel an urgent need, a desperation to end the pain. However, if you end it all right now, there will never be a better moment. This is as good as your life will ever get. I have met many people who once considered suicide. They are now in a much better place and so grateful that they did not go through with it. Things can only get better if you hang on long enough.
As for the people you leave behind, they will be in pain, riddled with questions, racked with guilt. They will go on with the hole that your death has left in their heart, wondering why you didn't talk to them about how you were feeling. They will be haunted by your absence. Your pain will never go away, it will just be passed on to the people who survive.
So, what can you do about your pain? Reach out to people, those you know, or just compassionate strangers. Go somewhere where you can be surrounded by people. Seek out the company of friends or just head over to a sports game or a movie and see if you can bump into people you know. Sit with your pain. Pain comes in waves. If you choose to ride the wave, know that it will end. When it does, you will have options. Killing yourself leaves no choices.
If you feel nothing but self-loathing, try treating yourself as you would a stranger who is suffering. Be kind and gentle, taking care of your needs (feeding, bathing, sleeping, hugging, calling on others for help). If you can't tell people how you feel because you fear that you will cry and "lose it", write a letter about your pain and share it with someone you trust.
Are you feeling helpless? That means you can't see your power to make your life any better. You may be right. You may not be in a place where you can make the right decisions for yourself. That is why you ask for help. If nothing else, you have the power to choose life, to live on another day and open yourself up to the possibility that life will get better, not just because you stayed alive but because you faced your pain and survived, because you reached out to a friend or stranger and they helped you, because a therapist or health worker shifted your perspective just enough to give you hope.
If you think no one will mourn you, imagine that I tell you I want to die. You don't know me. However, you will be moved by my desperation and you will want me to live because my story isn't finished, there is another chapter right around the corner. I just can't see that right now. Strangers and acquaintances will be hurt by your death. Your family is more than just parents and siblings. Think about your aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces and nephews, all the people whose lives are connected to yours. If you have children, know that your children will always blame themselves. They won't understand. Their lives will be traumatized. Get yourself some support so you can be around to watch them grow and blossom.
Whatever pain you are going through right now will pass. It is temporary. Death is permanent. If you have read this and have a plan in mind to end your life, please dial 911 and ask for help. Once the crisis has passed and you can see your life as filled with possibilities, please write to me and let me know you have faced your wave of pain and come out the other side. I will be happy to hear from you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label teenager. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teenager. Show all posts
Tuesday, 20 December 2016
Saturday, 16 January 2016
Rites of Passage
January 16th, 2016
When I was a professor at Algonquin College, among my course load, were Life Cycles and Life Cycles II. I loved teaching those courses about the various ages and stages of life. It struck me that there are few, if any, rites of passages to mark the transitions of our life cycle.
As my eldest daughter starts to mature, I anticipate the moment she will tell me that she has started her period. I want to convey positive messages about this milestone and celebrate it with her. I am shocked by the lack of rituals to welcome young girls into womanhood. I was very lucky that getting my period was acknowledged as a big deal in my family. As a matter of fact, when I heard all the fuss about my older cousin getting her period, I tried to "fake" my own period. I overheard telephone conversations boasting that my cousin was "une grande fille" (a big girl). I wanted this attention for myself. Early the next morning, I grabbed a pair of undies, smeared jam in the crotch and brought them over to my mother saying that I was also a "big girl". She was still in bed, groggy and, as she rolled over and saw what I was holding in my hands, she informed me that she knew the difference between raspberry jam and menstrual blood. She urged me to get back to sleep. Darn it! I'd have to wait for the real thing.
We have baby showers, birthday parties, graduations, bridal showers, wedding ceremonies, celebrations when we land that permanent job or get promoted, retirement parties and funerals. What happens to all the other transitions?
For now, due to time constraints, I'd like to focus on creating a rite of passage for my daughter. If we were Jewish, she'd have a Bat Mitzvah but we're not so I need to make something up. My fantasy includes creating a committee of women I respect who gather on a given date to prepare a celebration for my daughter. My goals are to welcome her into womanhood, to acknowledge her as a unique and special person, to share lessons we have learned, to provide positive role models for her, to convey values to her as well as a sense of importance through roles and responsibilities.
My daughters used to watch My Little Pony. I liked the concept of the Cutesy-gnette where ponies received their "cutie mark" which reflected their special talent. I was also inspired when I heard about the elaborate preparations the women undergo prior to getting married in India. I thought I could mix both of these ideas into one celebration. Here is what I have come up with so far:
Step 1-Choose the wise women carefully to ensure a variety of role models
Step 2-Invite a few of her friends to participate in, and witness, the ceremony (assuming parents are ok with it and provide consent)
Step 3-Prepare a special garment for her to wear on this occasion
Step 4-Sit in a circle with white candles
Step 5-Each person says something positive about her and lights a candle
Step 6-We recognize her talent(s) and decide on a design to represent her unique skills
Step 7-The design is painted in the palms of her hands with Henna
Step 8-As we share a pot luck meal, each wise woman imparts a pearl of wisdom gained from experience
Step 9-The Wise Women answer questions about life and womanhood
Step 10-A contract is read, discussed and signed, outlining her new roles and responsibilities
Step 11-We bless her with a group smudging
Step 12-The ceremony is documented in a scrapbook and she receives a journal and pen as a self-care tool
That's all I have so far. I hope to provide guidance, a sense of connection and purpose through this ceremony.
Have any of you created these kinds of rituals? If anyone out there has ideas, I am open to suggestions.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
artnsoul@ripnet.com
When I was a professor at Algonquin College, among my course load, were Life Cycles and Life Cycles II. I loved teaching those courses about the various ages and stages of life. It struck me that there are few, if any, rites of passages to mark the transitions of our life cycle.
As my eldest daughter starts to mature, I anticipate the moment she will tell me that she has started her period. I want to convey positive messages about this milestone and celebrate it with her. I am shocked by the lack of rituals to welcome young girls into womanhood. I was very lucky that getting my period was acknowledged as a big deal in my family. As a matter of fact, when I heard all the fuss about my older cousin getting her period, I tried to "fake" my own period. I overheard telephone conversations boasting that my cousin was "une grande fille" (a big girl). I wanted this attention for myself. Early the next morning, I grabbed a pair of undies, smeared jam in the crotch and brought them over to my mother saying that I was also a "big girl". She was still in bed, groggy and, as she rolled over and saw what I was holding in my hands, she informed me that she knew the difference between raspberry jam and menstrual blood. She urged me to get back to sleep. Darn it! I'd have to wait for the real thing.
We have baby showers, birthday parties, graduations, bridal showers, wedding ceremonies, celebrations when we land that permanent job or get promoted, retirement parties and funerals. What happens to all the other transitions?
For now, due to time constraints, I'd like to focus on creating a rite of passage for my daughter. If we were Jewish, she'd have a Bat Mitzvah but we're not so I need to make something up. My fantasy includes creating a committee of women I respect who gather on a given date to prepare a celebration for my daughter. My goals are to welcome her into womanhood, to acknowledge her as a unique and special person, to share lessons we have learned, to provide positive role models for her, to convey values to her as well as a sense of importance through roles and responsibilities.
My daughters used to watch My Little Pony. I liked the concept of the Cutesy-gnette where ponies received their "cutie mark" which reflected their special talent. I was also inspired when I heard about the elaborate preparations the women undergo prior to getting married in India. I thought I could mix both of these ideas into one celebration. Here is what I have come up with so far:
Step 1-Choose the wise women carefully to ensure a variety of role models
Step 2-Invite a few of her friends to participate in, and witness, the ceremony (assuming parents are ok with it and provide consent)
Step 3-Prepare a special garment for her to wear on this occasion
Step 4-Sit in a circle with white candles
Step 5-Each person says something positive about her and lights a candle
Step 6-We recognize her talent(s) and decide on a design to represent her unique skills
Step 7-The design is painted in the palms of her hands with Henna
Step 8-As we share a pot luck meal, each wise woman imparts a pearl of wisdom gained from experience
Step 9-The Wise Women answer questions about life and womanhood
Step 10-A contract is read, discussed and signed, outlining her new roles and responsibilities
Step 11-We bless her with a group smudging
Step 12-The ceremony is documented in a scrapbook and she receives a journal and pen as a self-care tool
That's all I have so far. I hope to provide guidance, a sense of connection and purpose through this ceremony.
Have any of you created these kinds of rituals? If anyone out there has ideas, I am open to suggestions.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
artnsoul@ripnet.com
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