December 20th, 2016
My husband is now officially off for the holidays. I spent all of yesterday cleaning up various parts of the house and by the end of the day I had to go to bad at 6:30pm from the exhaustion. It feels like I have been de-cluttering and cleaning for months.
Today, as I was cleaning the refrigerator, a thought kept popping into my mind. Somewhere out there, someone is feeling discouraged and hopeless. Someone will commit suicide before the end of 2016. The statistics on suicide are staggering. It makes me sad and frightens me all at once. I am sad that so many people feel alone and helpless. I feel sad for parents who have lost their son or daughter in such a senseless way. It frightens me because I have two daughters. What if this happens to me? I can't imagine I would survive. One thing is for sure, I would never be the same. Which brings me back to the topic of this post.
If you want to kill yourself and you are reading this, please give me a moment. I know you are in pain. You can't imagine that anyone would care if you were gone. Consider this. Your thoughts are not helping you right now. You feel an urgent need, a desperation to end the pain. However, if you end it all right now, there will never be a better moment. This is as good as your life will ever get. I have met many people who once considered suicide. They are now in a much better place and so grateful that they did not go through with it. Things can only get better if you hang on long enough.
As for the people you leave behind, they will be in pain, riddled with questions, racked with guilt. They will go on with the hole that your death has left in their heart, wondering why you didn't talk to them about how you were feeling. They will be haunted by your absence. Your pain will never go away, it will just be passed on to the people who survive.
So, what can you do about your pain? Reach out to people, those you know, or just compassionate strangers. Go somewhere where you can be surrounded by people. Seek out the company of friends or just head over to a sports game or a movie and see if you can bump into people you know. Sit with your pain. Pain comes in waves. If you choose to ride the wave, know that it will end. When it does, you will have options. Killing yourself leaves no choices.
If you feel nothing but self-loathing, try treating yourself as you would a stranger who is suffering. Be kind and gentle, taking care of your needs (feeding, bathing, sleeping, hugging, calling on others for help). If you can't tell people how you feel because you fear that you will cry and "lose it", write a letter about your pain and share it with someone you trust.
Are you feeling helpless? That means you can't see your power to make your life any better. You may be right. You may not be in a place where you can make the right decisions for yourself. That is why you ask for help. If nothing else, you have the power to choose life, to live on another day and open yourself up to the possibility that life will get better, not just because you stayed alive but because you faced your pain and survived, because you reached out to a friend or stranger and they helped you, because a therapist or health worker shifted your perspective just enough to give you hope.
If you think no one will mourn you, imagine that I tell you I want to die. You don't know me. However, you will be moved by my desperation and you will want me to live because my story isn't finished, there is another chapter right around the corner. I just can't see that right now. Strangers and acquaintances will be hurt by your death. Your family is more than just parents and siblings. Think about your aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces and nephews, all the people whose lives are connected to yours. If you have children, know that your children will always blame themselves. They won't understand. Their lives will be traumatized. Get yourself some support so you can be around to watch them grow and blossom.
Whatever pain you are going through right now will pass. It is temporary. Death is permanent. If you have read this and have a plan in mind to end your life, please dial 911 and ask for help. Once the crisis has passed and you can see your life as filled with possibilities, please write to me and let me know you have faced your wave of pain and come out the other side. I will be happy to hear from you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label help. Show all posts
Tuesday, 20 December 2016
Thursday, 20 October 2016
Multiple Sources of Income
October 20th, 2016
Ever since I decided to leave my full-time position as a College Professor, I have been searching for ways to make money from home. I got to work building a work space in our barn and marketing my services through local networking groups. Working for myself means there are times when money comes flooding in followed by periods of idle waiting for my next client or opportunity. I know there are ways to make my money work for me.
When I heard the expression, multiple sources of income, I was imagining people who own buildings and businesses, those who own condos in gorgeous faraway places, rented most of the time, enjoyed during peak months. I keep remembering all the Monopoly games we played when I was younger where the name of the game was to gain assets and dump liabilities.
However, what I have come to understand is that multiple sources of income doesn't mean you necessarily need to buy real estate or storage facilities, own pinball machines or car washes, you can develop different streams of income based on how you make money right now. This was a revelation to me. As a matter of fact, I discovered that I was already moving in the right direction.
You might be a stay-at-home mom, reading this, thinking it doesn't apply to you but it does. Jot down the activities you do every day. Which ones do you enjoy? Are you really good at something that always impresses friends and family? You may be one of those people whose home is decorated for each season. I love having my house decorated for Christmas and Halloween, Easter and Valentine's Day but I never do it. I don't have it in me. Every year I am daunted by the idea of placing Christmas lights all around the house. I don't do it. What if you decorated other people's homes? People like me would pay you for it. Perhaps you make incredible Halloween costumes for your children or grandchildren. That is a skill. There is usually a handful of popular costumes each season. You take orders and prepare entire batches of them, selling them online or through a local school/day care. Do you spend a huge portion of your week buying groceries? There are plenty of people who are not able to get out of the house: the elderly, moms without cars, individuals recovering from an injury etc. Get other people's groceries and deliver it to their home. A lot of people hate shopping. Advertise your services in time for Christmas. Are you great at getting just the right gift for your loved ones? Apply that skill for others and get paid for it. If you are a mom, you talk to other moms and hear them complain. What are they complaining about? Is there a way to invent a product or service to make a profit by solving their problems?
If you are not a stay-at-home mom and are already employed outside the home, think about the skill set involved in your existing job. If you work as a chef, can you create individualized meals to sell to your neighbours? Is there a secret recipe that your family loves? You can sell it at a local shop. Are you a mechanic? What if you offered courses, Car Care for Dummies on the weekends? If you work as a real estate agent, write a guidebook to help regular people understand the pitfalls to avoid when buying a home. Educate people regarding what to look for during a house inspection. See your knowledge. Perhaps you organize group trips to foreign locations for people who want to invest but have no idea where to look. Regardless of what you do for a living, you can focus on the skills and figure out: 1) Who could benefit from this skill set? and, 2) How can I communicate with this target audience in a way that turns my knowledge into profit?
As I mentioned before, I am an art therapist. I offer workshops, one on one sessions, I speak about my work or its applications with various populations, I write books to use in my workshops and I am developing a digital version of my workshops. In this way, I am expanding the reach of my business by catering to different populations via a variety of mediums. You don't have to be rich to develop many streams of income, you just need to know your worth, find different ways of sharing it with others and get paid for it.
Anne Walsh
www.artsnoul.org
Ever since I decided to leave my full-time position as a College Professor, I have been searching for ways to make money from home. I got to work building a work space in our barn and marketing my services through local networking groups. Working for myself means there are times when money comes flooding in followed by periods of idle waiting for my next client or opportunity. I know there are ways to make my money work for me.
When I heard the expression, multiple sources of income, I was imagining people who own buildings and businesses, those who own condos in gorgeous faraway places, rented most of the time, enjoyed during peak months. I keep remembering all the Monopoly games we played when I was younger where the name of the game was to gain assets and dump liabilities.
However, what I have come to understand is that multiple sources of income doesn't mean you necessarily need to buy real estate or storage facilities, own pinball machines or car washes, you can develop different streams of income based on how you make money right now. This was a revelation to me. As a matter of fact, I discovered that I was already moving in the right direction.
You might be a stay-at-home mom, reading this, thinking it doesn't apply to you but it does. Jot down the activities you do every day. Which ones do you enjoy? Are you really good at something that always impresses friends and family? You may be one of those people whose home is decorated for each season. I love having my house decorated for Christmas and Halloween, Easter and Valentine's Day but I never do it. I don't have it in me. Every year I am daunted by the idea of placing Christmas lights all around the house. I don't do it. What if you decorated other people's homes? People like me would pay you for it. Perhaps you make incredible Halloween costumes for your children or grandchildren. That is a skill. There is usually a handful of popular costumes each season. You take orders and prepare entire batches of them, selling them online or through a local school/day care. Do you spend a huge portion of your week buying groceries? There are plenty of people who are not able to get out of the house: the elderly, moms without cars, individuals recovering from an injury etc. Get other people's groceries and deliver it to their home. A lot of people hate shopping. Advertise your services in time for Christmas. Are you great at getting just the right gift for your loved ones? Apply that skill for others and get paid for it. If you are a mom, you talk to other moms and hear them complain. What are they complaining about? Is there a way to invent a product or service to make a profit by solving their problems?
If you are not a stay-at-home mom and are already employed outside the home, think about the skill set involved in your existing job. If you work as a chef, can you create individualized meals to sell to your neighbours? Is there a secret recipe that your family loves? You can sell it at a local shop. Are you a mechanic? What if you offered courses, Car Care for Dummies on the weekends? If you work as a real estate agent, write a guidebook to help regular people understand the pitfalls to avoid when buying a home. Educate people regarding what to look for during a house inspection. See your knowledge. Perhaps you organize group trips to foreign locations for people who want to invest but have no idea where to look. Regardless of what you do for a living, you can focus on the skills and figure out: 1) Who could benefit from this skill set? and, 2) How can I communicate with this target audience in a way that turns my knowledge into profit?
As I mentioned before, I am an art therapist. I offer workshops, one on one sessions, I speak about my work or its applications with various populations, I write books to use in my workshops and I am developing a digital version of my workshops. In this way, I am expanding the reach of my business by catering to different populations via a variety of mediums. You don't have to be rich to develop many streams of income, you just need to know your worth, find different ways of sharing it with others and get paid for it.
Anne Walsh
www.artsnoul.org
Thursday, 17 March 2016
Unhealthy Relationships
March 16th, 2016
Today, I'd like to talk about unhealthy relationships. We hear certain key words: domestic violence or abusive relationship. We imagine a woman being beaten by her drunken husband. She is afraid but she stays with him and we judge her. Why doesn't she leave? Judgment takes away our fear. It protects us from the reality that it could be any one of us. By asking why "they" stay, we create a wall between "them" and "us".
The fact is many women are in unhealthy relationships. Some know their relationship is unhealthy and they seek help or create a plan to leave. However, many women hide this wisdom from themselves and everyone else. An unhealthy relationship is any relationship that makes you feel poorly about yourself, that creates separation between you and your support system and instills fear about your safety or the well-being of your children.
You are attracted to a man. He is really into you. He wants to be with you all the time. When you are apart, he texts you or calls you. If you don't respond right away, he is disappointed. If you are unable to meet with him because you have plans with friends or family, he makes you feel guilty. He had something special planned. He may tell you that he is uncomfortable around your friends or your family. You spend more time with him and try to squeeze your friends and family in when you are not with him because you know he doesn't feel comfortable around them. He just wants to be alone with you. You turn down invitations until no one bothers to call you. Your loved ones don't like him but they just don't "get" him the way you do. You love him and he is carry about you.
Once you are hooked on him and isolated from your friends and family, your boyfriend gets more demanding, more moody. He has a tremper. When you disagree with him or won't do what he wants, he gets angry. You find yourself doing things you don't want to appease him. This could include having sex. You also keep information from him to protect yourself from his outburst like the fact that you met with a friend for coffee. He doesn't like that friend and wouldn't approve of you seeing her. Drinking makes his anger worst but he shows no sign of abstaining from alcohol. You may realize that you are in danger. Who do you turn to? You have alienated your friends and family. They were right but you are not ready to admit to this just yet. There are times when he is just so sweet. You have a great time. These peaks are just enough to keep you involved. You tell yourself it's not so bad. This may escalate to physical violence or it may never come to that.
There are things you do that he notices and he shares his observations with you, for your own good. The way you hold your cup of coffee or the sound of your voice, the way you dance, the clothes you wear, little details that make you who you are. He points out what you should work on and make you feel ashamed. This may be worst when he is around his friends. He may correct you in front of them or comment one something that he knows makes you feel vulnerable. All of this attention on you, keeps you from noticing things about him. They create doubt in your concept of yourself. You forget what it was like to feel confident in who you were and to expect love from those around you. This is his super power. After a while you don't even notice the unhealthy behaviors. You are used to hiding and pretending, avoiding his outbursts when you can, making excuses for him along the way.
If someone you love is in this kind of relationship, the best thing you can do is be loving and supportive of them. If you get angry and try to convince her that he is no good, she will hide his behaviors from you and shut you out. If you behave in loving ways toward her she will start to notice the drastic difference between the way she feels when she is around you and when she is with him. She will remember that she has a choice, that it can be better, that she was someone and had a life before this person. She will choose someone who loves her too. It won't happen all at once, it will sink in over time. Don't judge, don't preach or give advice. Just keep loving her. It is your super power.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today, I'd like to talk about unhealthy relationships. We hear certain key words: domestic violence or abusive relationship. We imagine a woman being beaten by her drunken husband. She is afraid but she stays with him and we judge her. Why doesn't she leave? Judgment takes away our fear. It protects us from the reality that it could be any one of us. By asking why "they" stay, we create a wall between "them" and "us".
The fact is many women are in unhealthy relationships. Some know their relationship is unhealthy and they seek help or create a plan to leave. However, many women hide this wisdom from themselves and everyone else. An unhealthy relationship is any relationship that makes you feel poorly about yourself, that creates separation between you and your support system and instills fear about your safety or the well-being of your children.
You are attracted to a man. He is really into you. He wants to be with you all the time. When you are apart, he texts you or calls you. If you don't respond right away, he is disappointed. If you are unable to meet with him because you have plans with friends or family, he makes you feel guilty. He had something special planned. He may tell you that he is uncomfortable around your friends or your family. You spend more time with him and try to squeeze your friends and family in when you are not with him because you know he doesn't feel comfortable around them. He just wants to be alone with you. You turn down invitations until no one bothers to call you. Your loved ones don't like him but they just don't "get" him the way you do. You love him and he is carry about you.
Once you are hooked on him and isolated from your friends and family, your boyfriend gets more demanding, more moody. He has a tremper. When you disagree with him or won't do what he wants, he gets angry. You find yourself doing things you don't want to appease him. This could include having sex. You also keep information from him to protect yourself from his outburst like the fact that you met with a friend for coffee. He doesn't like that friend and wouldn't approve of you seeing her. Drinking makes his anger worst but he shows no sign of abstaining from alcohol. You may realize that you are in danger. Who do you turn to? You have alienated your friends and family. They were right but you are not ready to admit to this just yet. There are times when he is just so sweet. You have a great time. These peaks are just enough to keep you involved. You tell yourself it's not so bad. This may escalate to physical violence or it may never come to that.
There are things you do that he notices and he shares his observations with you, for your own good. The way you hold your cup of coffee or the sound of your voice, the way you dance, the clothes you wear, little details that make you who you are. He points out what you should work on and make you feel ashamed. This may be worst when he is around his friends. He may correct you in front of them or comment one something that he knows makes you feel vulnerable. All of this attention on you, keeps you from noticing things about him. They create doubt in your concept of yourself. You forget what it was like to feel confident in who you were and to expect love from those around you. This is his super power. After a while you don't even notice the unhealthy behaviors. You are used to hiding and pretending, avoiding his outbursts when you can, making excuses for him along the way.
If someone you love is in this kind of relationship, the best thing you can do is be loving and supportive of them. If you get angry and try to convince her that he is no good, she will hide his behaviors from you and shut you out. If you behave in loving ways toward her she will start to notice the drastic difference between the way she feels when she is around you and when she is with him. She will remember that she has a choice, that it can be better, that she was someone and had a life before this person. She will choose someone who loves her too. It won't happen all at once, it will sink in over time. Don't judge, don't preach or give advice. Just keep loving her. It is your super power.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 22 January 2016
Book of the Week: Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle
January 22nd, 2016
This week's book was packed with information and, a bit hard to read at times, but so worth it. Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle: How To Break Free of Negativity and Drama is written by Doreen Virtue. This is a well-researched psychology book. I have read many books about PTSD and the information gets repetitive but there is new, useful information presented here and I encourage you to buy this book if you or someone you love is living with PTSD.
This book describes how our bodies and minds respond to stress then provides real tips to bring calm back into our lives. Doreen explains how people who have had trauma in their lives attract drama to them in order to stimulate stress hormones. Hyper vigilance, the tendency to be on high alert and looking for clues of danger, helps people feel safe. When they are calm, they feel vulnerable so they trigger stress hormones through drama because that feels more comfortable.
The author outlines four reactions to trauma:1-Fight (anger and aggression), 2-Flight (avoidant behaviour and fear), 3-Freeze (dissociation) and 4-Fawn (complying with others in order to stay safe). I had never heard about this fourth reaction but it makes sense if I think about the children I've worked with who come from homes with domestic violence. They become really skilled at reading their parent's facial expressions and moods and do what they can to be invisible and compliant, walking on egg shells to avoid violence.
You may have heard about the role of adrenaline in stress and PTSD, how it speeds up the central nervous system and keeps people hyper alert. Cortisol is a stress hormone that has received a lot of press due to the abundance of stressed out women with muffin tops. Cortisol stores fat reserves onto your stomach as a protective measure, in case you starve. What I had never heard of before is the role of histamines in the stress reaction.
When you eat something you are allergic to, your body releases histamines. It helps your body react to the allergen. Doreen states that we can become addicted to the foods we are allergic to, believing they are our favourite foods. What we like is the release of histamines which increases our alertness. She lists high histamine foods that people who have experienced trauma may become addicted to, these include: aged cheddar, red wine, balsamic vinegar, cured meats, soy sauce, pickles etc. I was blown away by this list. Do you know someone who loves that specific list of items? I do.
The book describes the symptoms of PTSD which Doreen suggests be re-named Post Traumatic Stress Reaction because it is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, I agree. The word "disorder" only serves to further stigmatize individuals who are trying to come to terms with what happened to them. She also covers topics such as Secondary Traumatic Stress (hearing about trauma from someone else or watching it on tv), Burnout Syndrome (when hard workers feel their efforts go unrecognized, become angry then stop caring) and, Complex PTSR (where the trauma was ongoing). This first section of the book can be difficult to read. If you are dealing with PTSR, I would recommend you read a bit at a time and make plans to see a trusted friend or therapist for support.
The second section of the book offers a variety of tools to reduce the stress in your life. Doreen recommends a "drama detox" which involves distancing yourself from the people in your life who create drama as well as recognizing your own drama patterns. Some of the her tips for getting calm include: listening to quiet, relaxing music, focusing on one moment at a time, buying a plant to practice caring for something, reducing your consumption of high histamine foods, connecting with nature, hanging out with your pet, stretching, getting creative, de-cluttering your home or having a warm bath.
There are strategies to avoid some of the cognitive traps like "what if" thinking or pessimism and diet tips to avoid binging. She provides alternatives to the many allergens your body is exposed to from carpet fumes, bedding, cosmetics, clothing, cleaning supplies, plastics and electromagnetic energy fields. Doreen proposes a variety of non-medicinal treatments for anxiety and depression to deter people from self-numbing with alcohol or drugs. Some of her suggestions are quite simple like chamomile tea, lavender essential oils, Saint-John's Wort, Melatonin, body work, restorative yoga and gratitude.
The last section of the book helps people who have survived trauma work through their tendency to isolate themselves and avoid human contact as a way to protect themselves in order to create healthy relationships. Individuals are urged to seek support and examine what feelings were at the root of their poor choices in the past so they can make better choices in the future. They are encouraged to nurture self-love and connect with their feelings and intuition in order to assess whether someone will be a good friend or not. The author suggests going to healthy environments to meet new people and taking their time getting to know new acquaintances before trusting them. She also recommends listening to the advice of trusted friends when they have misgivings about a new friend or love interest. Lastly, Doreen goes over some strategies to empower individuals who are trying to maintain a relationship with a dysfunctional family while preserving healthy boundaries.
I will recommend this book to many friends and clients. This is one of those books that I will keep in my library for years so I can consult it on a regular basis. I strongly recommend this book whether you are diagnosed with PTSR or are simply living a stressful life and looking for a way to become healthy and calm.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
This week's book was packed with information and, a bit hard to read at times, but so worth it. Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle: How To Break Free of Negativity and Drama is written by Doreen Virtue. This is a well-researched psychology book. I have read many books about PTSD and the information gets repetitive but there is new, useful information presented here and I encourage you to buy this book if you or someone you love is living with PTSD.
This book describes how our bodies and minds respond to stress then provides real tips to bring calm back into our lives. Doreen explains how people who have had trauma in their lives attract drama to them in order to stimulate stress hormones. Hyper vigilance, the tendency to be on high alert and looking for clues of danger, helps people feel safe. When they are calm, they feel vulnerable so they trigger stress hormones through drama because that feels more comfortable.
The author outlines four reactions to trauma:1-Fight (anger and aggression), 2-Flight (avoidant behaviour and fear), 3-Freeze (dissociation) and 4-Fawn (complying with others in order to stay safe). I had never heard about this fourth reaction but it makes sense if I think about the children I've worked with who come from homes with domestic violence. They become really skilled at reading their parent's facial expressions and moods and do what they can to be invisible and compliant, walking on egg shells to avoid violence.
You may have heard about the role of adrenaline in stress and PTSD, how it speeds up the central nervous system and keeps people hyper alert. Cortisol is a stress hormone that has received a lot of press due to the abundance of stressed out women with muffin tops. Cortisol stores fat reserves onto your stomach as a protective measure, in case you starve. What I had never heard of before is the role of histamines in the stress reaction.
When you eat something you are allergic to, your body releases histamines. It helps your body react to the allergen. Doreen states that we can become addicted to the foods we are allergic to, believing they are our favourite foods. What we like is the release of histamines which increases our alertness. She lists high histamine foods that people who have experienced trauma may become addicted to, these include: aged cheddar, red wine, balsamic vinegar, cured meats, soy sauce, pickles etc. I was blown away by this list. Do you know someone who loves that specific list of items? I do.
The book describes the symptoms of PTSD which Doreen suggests be re-named Post Traumatic Stress Reaction because it is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, I agree. The word "disorder" only serves to further stigmatize individuals who are trying to come to terms with what happened to them. She also covers topics such as Secondary Traumatic Stress (hearing about trauma from someone else or watching it on tv), Burnout Syndrome (when hard workers feel their efforts go unrecognized, become angry then stop caring) and, Complex PTSR (where the trauma was ongoing). This first section of the book can be difficult to read. If you are dealing with PTSR, I would recommend you read a bit at a time and make plans to see a trusted friend or therapist for support.
The second section of the book offers a variety of tools to reduce the stress in your life. Doreen recommends a "drama detox" which involves distancing yourself from the people in your life who create drama as well as recognizing your own drama patterns. Some of the her tips for getting calm include: listening to quiet, relaxing music, focusing on one moment at a time, buying a plant to practice caring for something, reducing your consumption of high histamine foods, connecting with nature, hanging out with your pet, stretching, getting creative, de-cluttering your home or having a warm bath.
There are strategies to avoid some of the cognitive traps like "what if" thinking or pessimism and diet tips to avoid binging. She provides alternatives to the many allergens your body is exposed to from carpet fumes, bedding, cosmetics, clothing, cleaning supplies, plastics and electromagnetic energy fields. Doreen proposes a variety of non-medicinal treatments for anxiety and depression to deter people from self-numbing with alcohol or drugs. Some of her suggestions are quite simple like chamomile tea, lavender essential oils, Saint-John's Wort, Melatonin, body work, restorative yoga and gratitude.
The last section of the book helps people who have survived trauma work through their tendency to isolate themselves and avoid human contact as a way to protect themselves in order to create healthy relationships. Individuals are urged to seek support and examine what feelings were at the root of their poor choices in the past so they can make better choices in the future. They are encouraged to nurture self-love and connect with their feelings and intuition in order to assess whether someone will be a good friend or not. The author suggests going to healthy environments to meet new people and taking their time getting to know new acquaintances before trusting them. She also recommends listening to the advice of trusted friends when they have misgivings about a new friend or love interest. Lastly, Doreen goes over some strategies to empower individuals who are trying to maintain a relationship with a dysfunctional family while preserving healthy boundaries.
I will recommend this book to many friends and clients. This is one of those books that I will keep in my library for years so I can consult it on a regular basis. I strongly recommend this book whether you are diagnosed with PTSR or are simply living a stressful life and looking for a way to become healthy and calm.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 5 January 2016
Mental Health-PTSD
January 5th, 2016
When I was a psychology major at Ottawa University, I recall one teacher mentioning PTSD. It was not covered in depth nor was it described in detail. What stayed with me was the image of a WW1 or WW2 veteran who hears a shotgun and is transported through hallucinations to the battlefield. It scared me and I was grateful that I would never work with that clientele.
Fast forward to my work as an art therapist. I seem to attract clients who have survived trauma. That is because people who have experienced trauma, especially if they were children at the time, have no words to speak about their experience. Unless a therapist is trauma-informed, which I am, they may encourage the client to relive the trauma by describing it in detail, re-traumatizing them.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder doesn't just affect veterans. Anyone who is exposed to a traumatic incident, whether it happens to them or they witness it happening to someone they love, is at risk. This includes the military, victims and witnesses of domestic violence, people who survived natural disasters, individuals who have been in an accident, who were diagnosed with a terminal illness, lived in unsafe conditions, were mugged, raped or had their house vandalized, just to name a few. They usually perceive that their life or safety is in danger and feel powerless to influence the outcome of their situation.
People diagnosed with ptsd relive the traumatic experience through recurring thoughts, nightmares and flashbacks. They may avoid people or situations associated with their experience. This has an impact on their daily life, on their level of social involvement with family and friends as well as on their ability to work.
Another symptom is withdrawal or numbing. In order to protect themselves, they have become cut off from their body and emotions. This inability to feel connected to others causes conflict with family, friends and co-workers. If they pressure their loved one to participate in activities or confront them on their apathy, demanding a response or an explanation, chances are the only emotion that will result is anger. It is very common for alcohol or drugs to be used to further numb away the pain and, perhaps, avoid the nightmares that are depriving them of sleep.
A third symptom is hyper vigilance which means the person exists on a day-to-day basis in a state of emergency. This means they are anxious, startle easily, overreact to situations, feel the need to rush and have a hard time relaxing. When they are overwhelmed, they have a tendency to lash out at their loved ones. They then feel terrible, withdraw, perhaps drink and sink into a depressive state. It is a vicious cycle.
I furthered my training three years ago to become a trauma-infirmed art therapist. I have since worked with people diagnosed with ptsd, supported spouses of individuals diagnosed with ptsd and have facilitated workshops to help couples and entire families communicate about this diagnosis.
This is what I see:
I will describe the man as having ptsd in this example because that is the majority of the cases I have worked with so far. A man and woman are in love. Something happens that creates a traumatic response in the man. The woman has not lived through this experience but she does her best to be supportive. The man feels different, he is frightened. He drinks. The woman tries to connect. Her man acts like she is not there. He watches violent programs on tv for days at a time. He may read his paper at breakfast, watch tv while they dine in a restaurant, turn down invitations to go out with friends or visit with family. He loses his patience with the children. They are too loud, too demanding, too hyper. He says hurtful words. The woman confronts him. He releases a disproportionate amount of rage at her, his words are hurtful. He is cold and the woman wonders what the future holds for them. He doesn't seem interested in her sexually. She is
hurt and feels isolated. She starts to feel angry and wonders if they will survive as a couple.
If you recognize your relationship, here are some tips:
1-Read as much as you can about this diagnosis, information is power.
2-Join a support group and encourage him to do the same, you can learn from others.
3-Have a safety plan. If he is angry and needs space to calm down, write down a list of people you can call and places you can go.
4-Work together to identify triggers so you are both aware of them.
5-Take very good care of yourself so you don't burn out.
6-Present community resources to your partner and offer to take him there, timing is essential here.
7-Communicate with your partner when it is safe to do so, remind him that you are on the same side and he is not alone.
8-Explore all treatment options, you never know what will work best for your loved one.
I hope these tips are helpful to you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul@ripnet.com
When I was a psychology major at Ottawa University, I recall one teacher mentioning PTSD. It was not covered in depth nor was it described in detail. What stayed with me was the image of a WW1 or WW2 veteran who hears a shotgun and is transported through hallucinations to the battlefield. It scared me and I was grateful that I would never work with that clientele.
Fast forward to my work as an art therapist. I seem to attract clients who have survived trauma. That is because people who have experienced trauma, especially if they were children at the time, have no words to speak about their experience. Unless a therapist is trauma-informed, which I am, they may encourage the client to relive the trauma by describing it in detail, re-traumatizing them.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder doesn't just affect veterans. Anyone who is exposed to a traumatic incident, whether it happens to them or they witness it happening to someone they love, is at risk. This includes the military, victims and witnesses of domestic violence, people who survived natural disasters, individuals who have been in an accident, who were diagnosed with a terminal illness, lived in unsafe conditions, were mugged, raped or had their house vandalized, just to name a few. They usually perceive that their life or safety is in danger and feel powerless to influence the outcome of their situation.
People diagnosed with ptsd relive the traumatic experience through recurring thoughts, nightmares and flashbacks. They may avoid people or situations associated with their experience. This has an impact on their daily life, on their level of social involvement with family and friends as well as on their ability to work.
Another symptom is withdrawal or numbing. In order to protect themselves, they have become cut off from their body and emotions. This inability to feel connected to others causes conflict with family, friends and co-workers. If they pressure their loved one to participate in activities or confront them on their apathy, demanding a response or an explanation, chances are the only emotion that will result is anger. It is very common for alcohol or drugs to be used to further numb away the pain and, perhaps, avoid the nightmares that are depriving them of sleep.
A third symptom is hyper vigilance which means the person exists on a day-to-day basis in a state of emergency. This means they are anxious, startle easily, overreact to situations, feel the need to rush and have a hard time relaxing. When they are overwhelmed, they have a tendency to lash out at their loved ones. They then feel terrible, withdraw, perhaps drink and sink into a depressive state. It is a vicious cycle.
I furthered my training three years ago to become a trauma-infirmed art therapist. I have since worked with people diagnosed with ptsd, supported spouses of individuals diagnosed with ptsd and have facilitated workshops to help couples and entire families communicate about this diagnosis.
This is what I see:
I will describe the man as having ptsd in this example because that is the majority of the cases I have worked with so far. A man and woman are in love. Something happens that creates a traumatic response in the man. The woman has not lived through this experience but she does her best to be supportive. The man feels different, he is frightened. He drinks. The woman tries to connect. Her man acts like she is not there. He watches violent programs on tv for days at a time. He may read his paper at breakfast, watch tv while they dine in a restaurant, turn down invitations to go out with friends or visit with family. He loses his patience with the children. They are too loud, too demanding, too hyper. He says hurtful words. The woman confronts him. He releases a disproportionate amount of rage at her, his words are hurtful. He is cold and the woman wonders what the future holds for them. He doesn't seem interested in her sexually. She is
hurt and feels isolated. She starts to feel angry and wonders if they will survive as a couple.
If you recognize your relationship, here are some tips:
1-Read as much as you can about this diagnosis, information is power.
2-Join a support group and encourage him to do the same, you can learn from others.
3-Have a safety plan. If he is angry and needs space to calm down, write down a list of people you can call and places you can go.
4-Work together to identify triggers so you are both aware of them.
5-Take very good care of yourself so you don't burn out.
6-Present community resources to your partner and offer to take him there, timing is essential here.
7-Communicate with your partner when it is safe to do so, remind him that you are on the same side and he is not alone.
8-Explore all treatment options, you never know what will work best for your loved one.
I hope these tips are helpful to you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul@ripnet.com
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