October 27th, 2016
Today is a hard day. On Monday, October 17th, I enjoyed a thai massage. My masseuse was excellent and I really felt that I was doing something great for myself. However, as with every treatment I've had seen our car accident in July 2012 (massage, physic, acupuncture, cranio sacral etc), there were consequences to this stimulation.
I haven't been able to feel the back of my head since the accident. I sometimes wake up and my skull is numb, it feels the same as when your arm falls asleep. I have also had vessels burst in my eyes on a regular basis. I visited the eye doctor and he claims my eyes are healthy. He is puzzled by this and suggested I "keep an eye on it".
When I wake up in the morning, my lower back is in pain. I have to roll over and slowly ease myself out of bed. I am in my 40s, what will I be like in my 80s? I also have a sore ovary, it hurts when it's ovulating. This has been an issue since the accident because of the pressure from the seat belt during impact.
Initially, after the crash, I was sleeping most of the day. I was dizzy and nauseous, I experienced headaches (something that had never happened before), I had a sore back and ovary. My mother came to help but I had to function as best I could, as fast as possible because my daughters were at home for the summer.
By the time I received treatment, it was September. I thought I was healing and progressing well but I had no idea how damaged I actually was. I went for a massage and experienced non-stop headaches for two weeks. I promised myself never to do that again. I booked sessions with my physiotherapist. She couldn't do any physical manipulations because my central nervous system was so out of whack. As soon as she started working on me, I would have to run to the washroom and empty my bowel. She used crania-sacral therapy for our sessions together. She added a heating pad, some electrical stimulation and acupuncture as our time together drew to a close. We weren't done healing my brain but the insurance was done paying so I stopped going.
I decided to start working out. I joined a gym, briefed my fitness trainer and we took it slow. I enjoyed the treadmill and did some basic machines to work on my legs and arms (without straining my neck) and floor exercises like lunges and stretches. I had to be careful not to overdo it as I would hit a wall of fatigue and couldn't function for the rest of the day.
I had to adjust my schedule, not driving at night which means my husband now takes the girls to gymnastics, not scheduling clients at night because I am too tired and therefore don't want to try to help people when my brain is not at its best and, drastically reducing my time with our daughters each night. They used to get quality time playing with me 1:1 as well as bath time. We have switched to showers and a story. They still get angry sometimes that I am not the same mommy. They wish we had never been in an accident. Me too.
Why am I re-hashing all of this today? A few days after my thai massage, I started to get a headache. Then I noticed I was grumpy at night, not my usual patient self. I was running out of energy more quickly. If the girls were asking for a snack or wanting me to stay with them until they fell asleep, I was grumpy about it. I wasn't being myself. Then I woke up at night but instead of my head being numb at the back, I was experiencing sensations. This sounds like a good thing but it hurts. I have this aching in the back of my head where the numbness used to be. It's very scary to discover, every time I do anything for my health, that my brain has still not healed. I feel frightened that I'll have a stroke and won't be here or healthy enough to care for my girls. I worry that my brain is turning off and I'll end up with early dementia. This may not sound rational but, on days like today when I feel just how vulnerable I am when it comes to my brain, it feels reasonable to worry.
This is a hard day because I have been out interviewing moms for the book, I have a client scheduled in later today, my daughters have a PD day tomorrow and I have a workshop and a birthday party for my youngest on Saturday. The old me would be very excited, the present me wonders if I'll have the energy for it all. Will I ever NOT feel brain damaged? I don't know. Meanwhile, the young lady who crashed into us, because she was busy texting, is out there, free, unscathed, planning her life and, on days like today, I resent that. There was never a call, a letter, any indication that she felt bad or even gave it a second thought. Today is a bad day. I will keep moving forward, loving my children for as long as I can and trying to make a difference while I have the chance.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label symptoms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label symptoms. Show all posts
Thursday, 27 October 2016
Tuesday, 5 January 2016
Mental Health-PTSD
January 5th, 2016
When I was a psychology major at Ottawa University, I recall one teacher mentioning PTSD. It was not covered in depth nor was it described in detail. What stayed with me was the image of a WW1 or WW2 veteran who hears a shotgun and is transported through hallucinations to the battlefield. It scared me and I was grateful that I would never work with that clientele.
Fast forward to my work as an art therapist. I seem to attract clients who have survived trauma. That is because people who have experienced trauma, especially if they were children at the time, have no words to speak about their experience. Unless a therapist is trauma-informed, which I am, they may encourage the client to relive the trauma by describing it in detail, re-traumatizing them.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder doesn't just affect veterans. Anyone who is exposed to a traumatic incident, whether it happens to them or they witness it happening to someone they love, is at risk. This includes the military, victims and witnesses of domestic violence, people who survived natural disasters, individuals who have been in an accident, who were diagnosed with a terminal illness, lived in unsafe conditions, were mugged, raped or had their house vandalized, just to name a few. They usually perceive that their life or safety is in danger and feel powerless to influence the outcome of their situation.
People diagnosed with ptsd relive the traumatic experience through recurring thoughts, nightmares and flashbacks. They may avoid people or situations associated with their experience. This has an impact on their daily life, on their level of social involvement with family and friends as well as on their ability to work.
Another symptom is withdrawal or numbing. In order to protect themselves, they have become cut off from their body and emotions. This inability to feel connected to others causes conflict with family, friends and co-workers. If they pressure their loved one to participate in activities or confront them on their apathy, demanding a response or an explanation, chances are the only emotion that will result is anger. It is very common for alcohol or drugs to be used to further numb away the pain and, perhaps, avoid the nightmares that are depriving them of sleep.
A third symptom is hyper vigilance which means the person exists on a day-to-day basis in a state of emergency. This means they are anxious, startle easily, overreact to situations, feel the need to rush and have a hard time relaxing. When they are overwhelmed, they have a tendency to lash out at their loved ones. They then feel terrible, withdraw, perhaps drink and sink into a depressive state. It is a vicious cycle.
I furthered my training three years ago to become a trauma-infirmed art therapist. I have since worked with people diagnosed with ptsd, supported spouses of individuals diagnosed with ptsd and have facilitated workshops to help couples and entire families communicate about this diagnosis.
This is what I see:
I will describe the man as having ptsd in this example because that is the majority of the cases I have worked with so far. A man and woman are in love. Something happens that creates a traumatic response in the man. The woman has not lived through this experience but she does her best to be supportive. The man feels different, he is frightened. He drinks. The woman tries to connect. Her man acts like she is not there. He watches violent programs on tv for days at a time. He may read his paper at breakfast, watch tv while they dine in a restaurant, turn down invitations to go out with friends or visit with family. He loses his patience with the children. They are too loud, too demanding, too hyper. He says hurtful words. The woman confronts him. He releases a disproportionate amount of rage at her, his words are hurtful. He is cold and the woman wonders what the future holds for them. He doesn't seem interested in her sexually. She is
hurt and feels isolated. She starts to feel angry and wonders if they will survive as a couple.
If you recognize your relationship, here are some tips:
1-Read as much as you can about this diagnosis, information is power.
2-Join a support group and encourage him to do the same, you can learn from others.
3-Have a safety plan. If he is angry and needs space to calm down, write down a list of people you can call and places you can go.
4-Work together to identify triggers so you are both aware of them.
5-Take very good care of yourself so you don't burn out.
6-Present community resources to your partner and offer to take him there, timing is essential here.
7-Communicate with your partner when it is safe to do so, remind him that you are on the same side and he is not alone.
8-Explore all treatment options, you never know what will work best for your loved one.
I hope these tips are helpful to you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul@ripnet.com
When I was a psychology major at Ottawa University, I recall one teacher mentioning PTSD. It was not covered in depth nor was it described in detail. What stayed with me was the image of a WW1 or WW2 veteran who hears a shotgun and is transported through hallucinations to the battlefield. It scared me and I was grateful that I would never work with that clientele.
Fast forward to my work as an art therapist. I seem to attract clients who have survived trauma. That is because people who have experienced trauma, especially if they were children at the time, have no words to speak about their experience. Unless a therapist is trauma-informed, which I am, they may encourage the client to relive the trauma by describing it in detail, re-traumatizing them.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder doesn't just affect veterans. Anyone who is exposed to a traumatic incident, whether it happens to them or they witness it happening to someone they love, is at risk. This includes the military, victims and witnesses of domestic violence, people who survived natural disasters, individuals who have been in an accident, who were diagnosed with a terminal illness, lived in unsafe conditions, were mugged, raped or had their house vandalized, just to name a few. They usually perceive that their life or safety is in danger and feel powerless to influence the outcome of their situation.
People diagnosed with ptsd relive the traumatic experience through recurring thoughts, nightmares and flashbacks. They may avoid people or situations associated with their experience. This has an impact on their daily life, on their level of social involvement with family and friends as well as on their ability to work.
Another symptom is withdrawal or numbing. In order to protect themselves, they have become cut off from their body and emotions. This inability to feel connected to others causes conflict with family, friends and co-workers. If they pressure their loved one to participate in activities or confront them on their apathy, demanding a response or an explanation, chances are the only emotion that will result is anger. It is very common for alcohol or drugs to be used to further numb away the pain and, perhaps, avoid the nightmares that are depriving them of sleep.
A third symptom is hyper vigilance which means the person exists on a day-to-day basis in a state of emergency. This means they are anxious, startle easily, overreact to situations, feel the need to rush and have a hard time relaxing. When they are overwhelmed, they have a tendency to lash out at their loved ones. They then feel terrible, withdraw, perhaps drink and sink into a depressive state. It is a vicious cycle.
I furthered my training three years ago to become a trauma-infirmed art therapist. I have since worked with people diagnosed with ptsd, supported spouses of individuals diagnosed with ptsd and have facilitated workshops to help couples and entire families communicate about this diagnosis.
This is what I see:
I will describe the man as having ptsd in this example because that is the majority of the cases I have worked with so far. A man and woman are in love. Something happens that creates a traumatic response in the man. The woman has not lived through this experience but she does her best to be supportive. The man feels different, he is frightened. He drinks. The woman tries to connect. Her man acts like she is not there. He watches violent programs on tv for days at a time. He may read his paper at breakfast, watch tv while they dine in a restaurant, turn down invitations to go out with friends or visit with family. He loses his patience with the children. They are too loud, too demanding, too hyper. He says hurtful words. The woman confronts him. He releases a disproportionate amount of rage at her, his words are hurtful. He is cold and the woman wonders what the future holds for them. He doesn't seem interested in her sexually. She is
hurt and feels isolated. She starts to feel angry and wonders if they will survive as a couple.
If you recognize your relationship, here are some tips:
1-Read as much as you can about this diagnosis, information is power.
2-Join a support group and encourage him to do the same, you can learn from others.
3-Have a safety plan. If he is angry and needs space to calm down, write down a list of people you can call and places you can go.
4-Work together to identify triggers so you are both aware of them.
5-Take very good care of yourself so you don't burn out.
6-Present community resources to your partner and offer to take him there, timing is essential here.
7-Communicate with your partner when it is safe to do so, remind him that you are on the same side and he is not alone.
8-Explore all treatment options, you never know what will work best for your loved one.
I hope these tips are helpful to you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul@ripnet.com
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