Rites of Passage

January 16th, 2016

When I was a professor at Algonquin College, among my course load, were Life Cycles and Life Cycles II. I loved teaching those courses about the various ages and stages of life. It struck me that there are few, if any, rites of passages to mark the transitions of our life cycle.

As my eldest daughter starts to mature, I anticipate the moment she will tell me that she has started her period. I want to convey positive messages about this milestone and celebrate it with her. I am shocked by the lack of rituals to welcome young girls into womanhood. I was very lucky that getting my period was acknowledged as a big deal in my family. As a matter of fact, when I heard all the fuss about my older cousin getting her period, I tried to "fake" my own period. I overheard telephone conversations boasting that my cousin was "une grande fille" (a big girl). I wanted this attention for myself. Early the next morning, I grabbed a pair of undies, smeared jam in the crotch and brought them over to my mother saying that I was also a "big girl". She was still in bed, groggy and, as she rolled over and saw what I was holding in my hands, she informed me that she knew the difference between raspberry jam and menstrual blood. She urged me to get back to sleep. Darn it! I'd have to wait for the real thing.

We have baby showers, birthday parties, graduations, bridal showers, wedding ceremonies, celebrations when we land that permanent job or get promoted, retirement parties and funerals. What happens to all the other transitions?

For now, due to time constraints, I'd like to focus on creating a rite of passage for my daughter. If we were Jewish, she'd have a Bat Mitzvah but we're not so I need to make something up. My fantasy includes creating a committee of women I respect who gather on a given date to prepare a celebration for my daughter. My goals are to welcome her into womanhood, to acknowledge her as a unique and special person, to share lessons we have learned, to provide positive role models for her, to convey values to her as well as a sense of importance through roles and responsibilities.

My daughters used to watch My Little Pony. I liked the concept of the Cutesy-gnette where ponies received their "cutie mark" which reflected their special talent. I was also inspired when I heard about the elaborate preparations the women undergo prior to getting married in India. I thought I could mix both of these ideas into one celebration. Here is what I have come up with so far:

Step 1-Choose the wise women carefully to ensure a variety of role models
Step 2-Invite a few of her friends to participate in, and witness, the ceremony (assuming parents are ok with it and provide consent)
Step 3-Prepare a special garment for her to wear on this occasion
Step 4-Sit in a circle with white candles
Step 5-Each person says something positive about her and lights a candle
Step 6-We recognize her talent(s) and decide on a design to represent her unique skills
Step 7-The design is painted in the palms of her hands with Henna
Step 8-As we share a pot luck meal, each wise woman imparts a pearl of wisdom gained from experience
Step 9-The Wise Women answer questions about life and womanhood
Step 10-A contract is read, discussed and signed, outlining her new roles and responsibilities
Step 11-We bless her with a group smudging
Step 12-The ceremony is documented in a scrapbook and she receives a journal and pen as a self-care tool

That's all I have so far. I hope to provide guidance, a sense of connection and purpose through this ceremony.

Have any of you created these kinds of rituals? If anyone out there has ideas, I am open to suggestions.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
artnsoul@ripnet.com