Interview-40+ year old woman, MC

January 10th, 2016

I was able to interview my first 40+ year old woman this week. My goal is to interview as many women between the ages of 40 and 50 in order to understand what happens to women during this decade. I have witnessed women getting divorced, leaving careers, going back to school, having affairs, moving out of the country or, sinking into a deep depression. I am curious about the cause of this shift in so many lives. The easy answer is: "It's all hormonal" but I don't believe this to be true.

I am using initials to document these interviews because I think women may be more candid if they can remain anonymous. MC asked me to forward my questions in advance. I e-mailed them to her the week prior to our interview. When we spoke over the phone, she confided that simply reading these questions had stirred up some strong emotions.

I asked MC how she felt about turning 40. She said it was a very emotional experience. It wasn't so much the physical aging she feared. She has inherited very good genes and is likely to stay healthy and vibrant as she ages. MC is 48 years old and she doesn't feel any apprehension about turning 50. I requested more details about this "emotional experience". For MC, the reaction to turning 40 was more about fears (e.g. being alone) and emotions. She thinks there is a build up of emotions and they suddenly get released. She is 100% convinced that the reaction is not hormonal.

Her 40s have been about adjusting to multiple changes. For years she was cruising on a sailboat but now she is in a pedal boat and she has to pedal hard. MC has a managerial, full-time position in the government. She divorced the year she turned 40. She shares the custody of her three teenagers, two daughters and one son with her ex. She feels that communication has been her greatest challenge yet she hasn't sought out the tools that might help her improve. She struggles to communicate how she is feeling with her partner, her children, her colleagues and her parents.

She admits that when she has communicated in the past, the outcome was not what she expected. She spends so much time mulling it over and rehearsing what she will say, anticipating the reaction of others that, in the end, she doesn't say anything. She now recognizes that communicating can be a liberating experience, allowing you to let go.

The highlight of her life so far was when her whole family was together; her spouse and her three children. She believes her life will peak again when her teenagers are old enough to leave the nest. This will be like a report card, a sign that she has completed her mission. She is looking forward to the freedom she will get from not having to deal with her ex when the children are no longer living with her.

Knowing what she knows now, if she could start over, she would be more attentive to her needs, have more confidence in herself, she might go to school and obtain a diploma in order to further her career, she'd listen to her intuition, follow her dreams and, be a bit more selfish. Her advice to the next generation of women is to have confidence in themselves and never create barriers that will stand in the way of their aspirations. Thinking about her legacy to her children, she hoped to provide and teach unconditional love, hope, strength, autonomy, perseverance, respect and active listening.

Through the challenges in her 40s she has learned to know herself a bit better, to love herself and to be patient. When she needs to replenish her energy, MC calls her friends, spends some time outdoors and reads. She has a lot of friends and they are a great source of support for her when she needs it.

This was an emotional conversation for MC but she said it was helpful because we often don't ask these kinds of questions and it really makes you think.

Thank you to all of you who read my blog. I appreciate your feedback. If any of you are in your 40s and interested in being interviewed, please e-mail me at artnsoul@ripnet.com.