The Compass

January 1st, 2016

This is an exciting day for me. I have decided to start a new blog. My goal is to blog every day on a variety of topics: motherhood, mental health, physical health, "greening" trends, creativity, a book of the week and, interviews with 40+ year old women. Every week, there will be a post on each of these topics.

Why? I love to write, I do it every day. Also, I love to learn and share what I find out with others. This blog will allow me to accomplish both.

The Compass-I noticed, prior to turning 40, that many of the women around me who had just "celebrated" their 40th birthday were getting divorced, feeling depressed about their age or wanting to run away, to escape, to start over. I was puzzled and a little frightened about what lay ahead for me.

Since my 40th birthday, I have left my 12 year career as a full-time college professor to work from home. This allowed me to put my daughters on the school bus every morning and be present for them at the end of their school day. In theory, I would work from home while they were in school. Sounds ideal doesn't it? However, many clients work during the week so I had to add clients on Saturdays. I offer workshops and meet with individual art therapy clients on Saturdays. I published two children's books and participated in a variety of community projects, wrote meaningful articles for our local newspaper, all good stuff.

What I noticed though was a deep desire for my work to be lucrative. My husband was not exactly on board when I left my position at the college. He recognized that it was a toxic environment, that the commute was stressful and that it cost a lot of money when I worked: babysitting, gas, parking, coffee on campus etc. However, he was not ready to become the main provider for our family. Coming from a low income family, the threat of poverty was very real and scary for him. He runs a successful business and we could survive quite well on his salary alone but I felt that I needed to make money, asap, to reassure him that this was the right decision. I had no doubt that being more present for my children was the right thing to do and that moving away from the stress of my work environment would lead to a better quality of life.

What I didn't anticipate was the blow to my self-esteem when I earned less money. I love my work as an art therapist. When I watch group members grow, change, gain valuable insight and feel supported, I know I am on the right path. When I have a client walk into my studio in pain and leave feeling lighter with a bounce in their step, I feel so grateful for this work. When I bring my workshops to a hospice, the local youth center, the military family resource centre or in schools, I am so happy I could explode! While I am working, I feel fantastic but the gaps between clients create self-doubt. Should I just get a full-time job as a receptionist and do what I love on the weekend? If I get a 9-5 job, who will be here for our children? The need to compensate for the gap in income impacts every aspect of my life and self-concept.

What I am examining in my own life, I see in the lives of many 40+ women. We have lost our compass. At each stage of our life, we have a specific task. We are adding an element to our lives: a career, our own home, a partner, maybe a child or a pet, climbing the ladder at work etc. We are great at caring for our loved ones. Then we reach a point when every category competes for our time, energy and attention. We have a demanding job during the day, plans with our partner after work and a sick child at home. We do our best to be the best employee, mother, spouse, daughter, friend we can be. Our children grow and become more independent, our partner's business is thriving, our workplace changes as do the expectations on us and our parents age.

We wake up during our 40s and realize that we have neglected our own needs. We look in the mirror and notice how much weight we've gained. We read old journal entries and recall our aspirations. We examine our relationships and do some pruning. This is where all the changes happen for women in this age group. There is an awakening. It might make you sad, angry, satisfied, excited, either way, you are motivated to take action.

I have many interests that I wish to explore and share with you. That is what this blog is all about. This is an opportunity for me to expand my horizons, satisfy my curiosity and connect with others. Reading about and, reporting on various topics will restore the equilibrium in my life. If you would like to read my other blog or learn more about my services, please visit my website: www.artnsoul.org