October 17th, 2016
Did you know that October 15th was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day? I didn't, until my mother saw an article in the Ottawa Metro Newspaper and brought it to my attention. I read the article and learned that "2,700 mothers... deliver stillborn babies every year in Canada". That is a huge number! Why do we not know about this? Also, I learned that parents lose their maternity benefits right away when the baby dies and only have ten days off work before they are expected to return. This is insane! Can you imagine the trauma of a miscarriage or stillbirth followed by a routine day at the office? You need to grieve and have a burial or ceremony but you're back at work dealing with people's questions and, sometimes, insensitive comments.
The thought of mothers leaving the hospital empty handed hits a nerve with me. When I was born, my mother's parents did not approve of her keeping me. I was bi-racial, she wasn't married and she could not afford to raise me on her own. My grandmother had raised five children and she feared that I would become her responsibility. My grandparents told my mother she could come home but not with a baby. Therefore, immediately after birth, I was taken away to an orphanage. It would be months before my mother was able to prove to Children's Aid that she was a responsible adult able to care for her child. My mother told me how difficult it was to leave the hospital without me. She wasn't able to breastfeed, she had to take medication to dry up her milk supply. Her breasts were engorged and painful. She went back to work where she was harassed and judged. I feel for her. I wish I could go back in time and tell her not to worry, that we would be ok.
I have counselled women who have lost a child but I've never had a client who delivered a stillborn. That is why the statistic surprised me. One more thing I learned about in the article is how fathers are excluded from the grieving process. They have also experienced a loss but they are forgotten, neglected. This is sad. If the wife is grieving and getting support from loved ones but the husband is not included in the grieving process, it could impact their relationship. He may not want to try again if she is ever ready to do so. He may resent her for not including him in the process. She may feel angry if she feels that he is not supportive, not realizing that he has withdrawn due to pain and lack of support, not because he is indifferent. There is a huge need to educate the public about this. Luckily, there is an excellent resource for families who have lost a child, http://pailnetwork.ca.
When I was a university student, I worked with a woman in her forties who had an abortion in her twenties. One day, we had our break together and she told me about her daughter. She thought about her every day. She dreamed about her at night. She described what her daughter looked like, she aged in her dreams just as she would have if she had lived. I have encountered a great deal of women who complain of chronic pain. They come and see me for art therapy and we get to see the link between an abortion or miscarriage and the pain they were talking about. Once they tell me their story and create art to gain closure, the pain subsides.
That is just one more reason to include stories of loss in my upcoming book, The Mommy Monologues. I hope to share stories that will inspire mothers in all sorts of situations to speak to people about their experience and ask for support because they know they are not alone.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label moms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moms. Show all posts
Monday, 17 October 2016
Tuesday, 4 October 2016
The Mommy Monologues Begin
October 4th, 2016
Today is the day. There is a book in me, begging to come out. I have requested funding. I have discussed it with others. I have collected contact information for potential interview leads. The problem with requesting funds is that you are not supposed to start the project until you find out if you have received the funds or not. This is proving to be difficult for me. You see, this book has a mind of its own. It wants to live and will not leave me alone. Therefore, I have decided to just get started, there is so much to do.
The Mommy Monologues is a book about women who have chosen to become mothers whether they actually gave birth to a child or not. Women are strong and, when we support and acknowledge one another, there is nothing we can't do. Unfortunately, when we become mothers, an intense, emotional experience, we divide into cliques. Even within the "mainstream moms" there are four distinct sub-sections: the stay-at-home mom, the working mom, the breastfeeding mom and the bottle feeding mom. They are all moms but somehow there is judgment and division where there could be solidarity and mutual support. That is so sad!
What about mothers who are different in other ways? I call them marginalized moms. They are often excluded from the "mainstream" clique even though they are very much a mom, just like them. The aim of this book is to give every mother a voice so that any woman can pick up this book and find herself represented. Mothers who feel isolated can see that they are not alone. Other mothers reading these stories will gain some understanding of what it's like to be a different kind of mom. There is so much diversity within the one umbrella that is motherhood.
Here is a sample of the types of moms I am looking to interview:
-Women who never left the hospital with their baby (miscarriage, still born, put up for adoption)
-Women whose children have a disability or physical illness
-Women whose children have a mental illness
-Women who themselves have a mental or physical illness
-Women who have adopted their child
-Women who became a step-mom
-Women who got pregnant through in-vitro
-Women who are recovering addicts
-Women who are serving or have served time in jail
-Women who are living or have lived in a shelter
-Military moms who move from one base to the next every few years
-Military moms who have been diagnosed with ptsd or whose partner has been diagnosed with ptsd
-Gay/Lesbian/Transgender/Transexual moms
-Multicultural moms
-Mothers who live at or under the line of poverty
I want to hear these stories and share them. I believe that reading about the diverse experiences of motherhood teaches us that we are all human beings doing our best based on our knowledge and abilities. There is no need for judgement, division and comparison. We can learn from each other and grow even stronger as a community.
If you are one of these moms, I want to hear from you. If you know someone who is, please share this post and my contact information with her. I look forward to learning from you,
Anne Walsh
artnsoul@ripnet.com
www.artnsoul.org
Today is the day. There is a book in me, begging to come out. I have requested funding. I have discussed it with others. I have collected contact information for potential interview leads. The problem with requesting funds is that you are not supposed to start the project until you find out if you have received the funds or not. This is proving to be difficult for me. You see, this book has a mind of its own. It wants to live and will not leave me alone. Therefore, I have decided to just get started, there is so much to do.
The Mommy Monologues is a book about women who have chosen to become mothers whether they actually gave birth to a child or not. Women are strong and, when we support and acknowledge one another, there is nothing we can't do. Unfortunately, when we become mothers, an intense, emotional experience, we divide into cliques. Even within the "mainstream moms" there are four distinct sub-sections: the stay-at-home mom, the working mom, the breastfeeding mom and the bottle feeding mom. They are all moms but somehow there is judgment and division where there could be solidarity and mutual support. That is so sad!
What about mothers who are different in other ways? I call them marginalized moms. They are often excluded from the "mainstream" clique even though they are very much a mom, just like them. The aim of this book is to give every mother a voice so that any woman can pick up this book and find herself represented. Mothers who feel isolated can see that they are not alone. Other mothers reading these stories will gain some understanding of what it's like to be a different kind of mom. There is so much diversity within the one umbrella that is motherhood.
Here is a sample of the types of moms I am looking to interview:
-Women who never left the hospital with their baby (miscarriage, still born, put up for adoption)
-Women whose children have a disability or physical illness
-Women whose children have a mental illness
-Women who themselves have a mental or physical illness
-Women who have adopted their child
-Women who became a step-mom
-Women who got pregnant through in-vitro
-Women who are recovering addicts
-Women who are serving or have served time in jail
-Women who are living or have lived in a shelter
-Military moms who move from one base to the next every few years
-Military moms who have been diagnosed with ptsd or whose partner has been diagnosed with ptsd
-Gay/Lesbian/Transgender/Transexual moms
-Multicultural moms
-Mothers who live at or under the line of poverty
I want to hear these stories and share them. I believe that reading about the diverse experiences of motherhood teaches us that we are all human beings doing our best based on our knowledge and abilities. There is no need for judgement, division and comparison. We can learn from each other and grow even stronger as a community.
If you are one of these moms, I want to hear from you. If you know someone who is, please share this post and my contact information with her. I look forward to learning from you,
Anne Walsh
artnsoul@ripnet.com
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 30 September 2016
Resisting Healthy Choices
September 30th 2016
I walked into my husband's shop this afternoon, his client's daughter was talking about her career. She is a dietician and nutritionist but she is having doubts about her decision to commit to this line of work. She is fit and devoted to leading a healthy lifestyle. However, she finds it frustrating when she consults with clients who need to make some changes in their eating patterns but don't want to give up any of the unhealthy foods they eat. She can provide the tools for a healthier future but if they nod their head then get in line at McDs when they leave her office, there is no point. It angers her that people aren't willing to make sacrifices when it comes to their health. This is a high priority for her and she can't imagine how people can keep making poor choices when they know their health is in jeopardy.
Our conversation turned to exercise. Her background is in dance and she is now learning pole fitness. I told her I loved Zumba but there are no classes offered for mothers and their children or, during school hours for mothers on their own. I don't understand why Zumba classes, which are mostly populated with moms who are trying to shed their belly fat, are offered at times when moms are busy with their children. This client was telling me that pole fitness is great for people like myself who enjoy dancing but, while Zumba is mostly cardio, pole fitness works your muscles and core leading to more muscle definition. Sounds good to me! No pole dancing out here in Kemptville though :)
What we do have is an event at St-Micheal's High School tomorrow from 9am to 3pm. It;s called Commit to Fit and, as far as I know, it's a sampler of various types of exercise. You can see what local professionals have to offer by trying their exercise. I'll know more by tomorrow evening. I asked my poor mom to be here for 9am which means she needs to leave her home in Ottawa by 8am. I appreciate that she can be here with my children while I go workout and learn about my options. Many moms don't have anyone to watch the children. I'm sure they wish they wish they could attend this event as well. I feel very fortunate that she is here to support me.
I was going to a gym for a while. I even got a trainer. However, every time we met and I learned new moves, I would get injured. At first, she set up the treadmill and programmed it so it had a sharp incline. Before long, I had shin splints, very painful. When I went in on my own, I just walked on the flat surface, a good workout without any injuries. Then I asked her to focus on my arms. She had me pumping 10lbs on either side while on my back. It was strenuous but I imagined how toned my arms would be when I was done. I pulled a muscle and had to go to physic. It hurt when I breathed and I had limited range of movement. Lastly, I have an injury to my pelvic bone from childbirth. An osteopath recommended I steer clear of exercises that put pressure on that area. I brought this up as she led me to the machine where you push your legs together then apart against weights. I informed her that the osteopath told me the days of doing these types of exercises were over. She still introduced one into my workout.
Finding the right fit is challenging. You want to exercise so you are healthier, feel energized and look amazing. However, you need to find the correct type of exercise so that you enjoy your workouts and look forward to them. It helps to be in a supportive environment, to click with classmates or your trainer. Having options at times that work for you can be the most difficult part. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will find Zumba or Pole fitness classes during the day, close to Kemptville. Then, let the fun begin!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I walked into my husband's shop this afternoon, his client's daughter was talking about her career. She is a dietician and nutritionist but she is having doubts about her decision to commit to this line of work. She is fit and devoted to leading a healthy lifestyle. However, she finds it frustrating when she consults with clients who need to make some changes in their eating patterns but don't want to give up any of the unhealthy foods they eat. She can provide the tools for a healthier future but if they nod their head then get in line at McDs when they leave her office, there is no point. It angers her that people aren't willing to make sacrifices when it comes to their health. This is a high priority for her and she can't imagine how people can keep making poor choices when they know their health is in jeopardy.
Our conversation turned to exercise. Her background is in dance and she is now learning pole fitness. I told her I loved Zumba but there are no classes offered for mothers and their children or, during school hours for mothers on their own. I don't understand why Zumba classes, which are mostly populated with moms who are trying to shed their belly fat, are offered at times when moms are busy with their children. This client was telling me that pole fitness is great for people like myself who enjoy dancing but, while Zumba is mostly cardio, pole fitness works your muscles and core leading to more muscle definition. Sounds good to me! No pole dancing out here in Kemptville though :)
What we do have is an event at St-Micheal's High School tomorrow from 9am to 3pm. It;s called Commit to Fit and, as far as I know, it's a sampler of various types of exercise. You can see what local professionals have to offer by trying their exercise. I'll know more by tomorrow evening. I asked my poor mom to be here for 9am which means she needs to leave her home in Ottawa by 8am. I appreciate that she can be here with my children while I go workout and learn about my options. Many moms don't have anyone to watch the children. I'm sure they wish they wish they could attend this event as well. I feel very fortunate that she is here to support me.
I was going to a gym for a while. I even got a trainer. However, every time we met and I learned new moves, I would get injured. At first, she set up the treadmill and programmed it so it had a sharp incline. Before long, I had shin splints, very painful. When I went in on my own, I just walked on the flat surface, a good workout without any injuries. Then I asked her to focus on my arms. She had me pumping 10lbs on either side while on my back. It was strenuous but I imagined how toned my arms would be when I was done. I pulled a muscle and had to go to physic. It hurt when I breathed and I had limited range of movement. Lastly, I have an injury to my pelvic bone from childbirth. An osteopath recommended I steer clear of exercises that put pressure on that area. I brought this up as she led me to the machine where you push your legs together then apart against weights. I informed her that the osteopath told me the days of doing these types of exercises were over. She still introduced one into my workout.
Finding the right fit is challenging. You want to exercise so you are healthier, feel energized and look amazing. However, you need to find the correct type of exercise so that you enjoy your workouts and look forward to them. It helps to be in a supportive environment, to click with classmates or your trainer. Having options at times that work for you can be the most difficult part. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will find Zumba or Pole fitness classes during the day, close to Kemptville. Then, let the fun begin!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 19 January 2016
Fitness-Zumba Kids
January 19th, 2016
As many of you know, I am determined to get my body back to its regular size. I don't feel like this is my body right now. It's not that I want to get "wafer thin" again, I just want to feel healthy. When we moved out here, I was looking for a Fitness class for pregnant women. I contacted a trainer and she said she was not comfortable taking on a pregnant client. Once I'd had my daughter, the trainer was willing to teach a Mommy and Me fitness class. I was very excited! Unfortunately, I was the only one who lasted beyond six weeks. Most moms dropped out by week 3. The trainer could not afford to keep training me, it wasn't lucrative enough for her.
There are so many gyms in the area but none of them have child care. This makes it challenging for moms with little ones to get into a regular workout routine. I had signed up for Zumba in the evening, once a week. The instructor was funny and enthusiastic and I love dancing to latin music so it was very enjoyable. However, every week, I would drive to class at the speed of light trying to be there on time after feeding the children, bathing them (they would be in bed by the time I returned and had school the next day) and picking up the babysitter. It was stressful and exhausting. I thought to myself: "There has got to be a better way".
I've participated in group cleanses where I cut out caffeine, wheat, dairy and sugar. I feel great but I am unable to maintain that diet long term. I purchased videos targeting my gut and butt. They are fun but I get bored of them especially if I don't see any results. It can be challenging to workout in my walk-in closet three times a week undisturbed by children or pets.
Last year, there was an evening Drumfit session at my daughters' school for the entire family. I took the girls to the class and we all had fun. I was ready to sign us up but it was a one shot deal. I was really disappointed. Drumfit and Zumba have been my favourite types of workout so far. They get you moving (cardio), you hear great music which helps to keep me motivated and, I get to dance, something I enjoy. I contacted the Zumba instructor to see if she might offer a family Zumba class. She replied that she was not trained in child Zumba.
I was intrigued. I searched the Zumba site www.zumba.com and found that you can take a Zumba Kids and Zumba Kids Jr Instructor course. My interest was piqued. I would love to provide classes for parents and their kids so everyone can stay healthy. It is so much fun to workout together. Kids love the music and get into their own groove. Parents can meet others with children in the same age group. Currently, there is no training in the area but I am keeping my eyes peeled and as soon as there is training nearby, I am doing this. As a mom, who loves dancing, latin music, children and community building, this would be so much fun!
Stay tuned everyone! Fitness Fun for the whole Family is coming your way :)
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
As many of you know, I am determined to get my body back to its regular size. I don't feel like this is my body right now. It's not that I want to get "wafer thin" again, I just want to feel healthy. When we moved out here, I was looking for a Fitness class for pregnant women. I contacted a trainer and she said she was not comfortable taking on a pregnant client. Once I'd had my daughter, the trainer was willing to teach a Mommy and Me fitness class. I was very excited! Unfortunately, I was the only one who lasted beyond six weeks. Most moms dropped out by week 3. The trainer could not afford to keep training me, it wasn't lucrative enough for her.
There are so many gyms in the area but none of them have child care. This makes it challenging for moms with little ones to get into a regular workout routine. I had signed up for Zumba in the evening, once a week. The instructor was funny and enthusiastic and I love dancing to latin music so it was very enjoyable. However, every week, I would drive to class at the speed of light trying to be there on time after feeding the children, bathing them (they would be in bed by the time I returned and had school the next day) and picking up the babysitter. It was stressful and exhausting. I thought to myself: "There has got to be a better way".
I've participated in group cleanses where I cut out caffeine, wheat, dairy and sugar. I feel great but I am unable to maintain that diet long term. I purchased videos targeting my gut and butt. They are fun but I get bored of them especially if I don't see any results. It can be challenging to workout in my walk-in closet three times a week undisturbed by children or pets.
Last year, there was an evening Drumfit session at my daughters' school for the entire family. I took the girls to the class and we all had fun. I was ready to sign us up but it was a one shot deal. I was really disappointed. Drumfit and Zumba have been my favourite types of workout so far. They get you moving (cardio), you hear great music which helps to keep me motivated and, I get to dance, something I enjoy. I contacted the Zumba instructor to see if she might offer a family Zumba class. She replied that she was not trained in child Zumba.
I was intrigued. I searched the Zumba site www.zumba.com and found that you can take a Zumba Kids and Zumba Kids Jr Instructor course. My interest was piqued. I would love to provide classes for parents and their kids so everyone can stay healthy. It is so much fun to workout together. Kids love the music and get into their own groove. Parents can meet others with children in the same age group. Currently, there is no training in the area but I am keeping my eyes peeled and as soon as there is training nearby, I am doing this. As a mom, who loves dancing, latin music, children and community building, this would be so much fun!
Stay tuned everyone! Fitness Fun for the whole Family is coming your way :)
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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