December 9th, 2016
Christmas is fast approaching, there are clues everywhere from the music blasted over the shopping mall speakers, the parcels piled up a the post office, the grumpy, rushed people pushing through the crowds, two-fisting their bags of gifts (which they can't afford) and the decorations on the homes and store fronts.
Before I had children, I hated the commercial garbage that came with this holiday. Seeing the Christmas decorations next to the Halloween costumes in October or being bombarded with gift ideas at each commercial break in early November, it all seemed in such poor taste.
I always had a good time at Christmas. When I was younger, my mother and I would head over to my aunt and uncle's house for Christmas Eve where we would celebrate my uncle's birthday until midnight. Then, we would dole out Christmas gifts after midnight. We would eat and have dessert all over again in the wee hours of Christmas morning. Then we would sleep until it was time to go to my grandparents' home for Christmas. We would see all the cousins and their growing families. I didn't see many of them the rest of the year but we would catch up at my grandparents' home. My mother and I never had much money and my aunt, uncle and cousins would always buy us gifts even though they knew we couldn't buy them anything. It felt so good the first year I was able to surprise everyone with a gift. I was working full-time and able to splurge. It was the best!
When I married and had children of my own, we started new traditions. We stay in our pyjamas and lounge around the house, all cozy. The girls play with their new toys, my mother, husband and I linger over coffee and read from our new books. It is mellower but oh so cozy. I still call my aunt and uncle, they live in Aylmer and I in Kemptville so we generally don't see each other but it wouldn't be Christmas without talking to them. My cousins are at their house so I talk to them too.
We decorated the tree as a family last weekend. I enjoyed it, the girls are still young enough to be excited about Santa and the pretty tree. Each year I wonder if this is our last "magical" Christmas. It's not the same when they stop believing. I know the holidays are not about gifts and spending money but, I always get into the spirit when I start shopping. I am just so excited when I find the perfect gift, something my loved ones will love but would never buy for themselves.
Today was the best. I have already bought a gift for each of my daughters. Santa's gifts are on the way. My mother wasn't able to find anything in her many excursions out to the stores. She gets confused by the names of various dolls from multiple kids' shows. I told her I would get something on her behalf today. I drove out into the sunlight , my favourite music blaring and, found some perfect gifts. The girls will love them and my mom will be happy to have caused so much joy. Then, I visited a store and purchased some awesome gifts for my husband. I just know his face will light up when he sees them (no pressure or anything).
I am not a materialistic person and we only buy the girls a few gifts each. I think it's my inner child that is making up for lost time. Growing up, I would have these awesome ideas what to buy for people. I paid attention to what they liked and knew that my gift ideas would make them so happy. I just couldn't buy those things; for my mom, for aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and boyfriends. It feels so good to be able to buy something special for my loved ones now. It truly puts me in the Christmas spirit, not the commercial aspect of it but the spirit of giving, of thinking of others and creating special moments.
We have the cozy home, the fireplaces, the food, the people we love and the fun traditions. The gifts are just the cherry on top. Merry Christmas everyone!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label connection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label connection. Show all posts
Friday, 9 December 2016
Thursday, 1 December 2016
Am I a Writer Yet?
December 1st, 2016
In the early 2000s, I submitted a short story to a collaborative book published by Mimi Publishing. I wrote about my work with people diagnosed with dementia. I wanted to inspire the staff in long term care and loved ones of individuals with dementia to stimulate and appreciate the person within the illness. When Mimi Publishing was ready to start its second collaboration, I submitted a more personal story. This time, my aim was to write about my childhood in a less than ideal low income neighbourhood in order to reach out to at-risk teens. The message to my story was that you can't choose your lifestyle when you are a child but, as an adult, you can design your own life regardless of your beginnings. The lady who edited my text, focused on the biographical aspect of my story and, by the time it went to print, there wasn't much left of the motivational part of my story. I was disappointed and never really sold that book to anyone.
Years later, I interviewed older adults living in my neighbourhood and submitted their stories to the local paper. I enjoyed doing this and ended up being a reporter for some time, visiting local businesses and interesting individuals to document what they were doing and why it mattered to the people in our community.
I enjoyed writing. I was able to use my creativity and people wrote to me or spoke to me when we bumped into one another to say they loved reading what I wrote. I approached a friend and artist Meredith Luce and we collaborated on a deck of art therapy cards. These cards were meant to help ease women going through painful life transitions by suggesting art therapy directives they could do from home with cheap materials.
I started volunteering in my daughter's class. I wanted to design workshops that taught life skills such as friendship, stress management, healthy boundaries, constructive self-expression and self-care but I couldn't find a book about the healthy expression of anger or frustration. This led me down the self-publishing path and my first book was born. Have You Hugged Your Alien? was my tool to initiate conversations with elementary school children about the normalcy of their emotions.
I followed up with a second book dealing with sibling rivalry as children adjust to a younger sibling. The first book was popular with teachers, therapists and parents. The second book was used by parents and the workshops were mostly in libraries or after school programs.
Last January, after chatting with my friend Chris who is a writer, I expressed my desire to write more often but my confusion about how one goes about getting paid for their work. Chris has been my informal mentor since then, pointing out grant application deadline, writer's festivals and events as well as associations that support and promote the work of writers. I have learned a great deal from her. I figured if I wanted to feel like a writer, I needed to write every day. So, I started this blog and I have written on most weekdays since then. I also write in my journal.
This past weekend, I attended the Small Press Fair in Ottawa. I was really scared but I got registered and showed up anyways. Mandy from Classic Graphics had prepared a huge sign for me with a bio and a copy of the title page from each book as well as my logo on it. She did a great job, as usual. I found a table, under the gaze of the other writers who were already set up. I noticed they all had table cloths, really good quality ones. Oops! I scrambled back to my car and, luckily, I had a Dollar Store tablecloth in my truck, leftover from Wednesday's workshop. It would have to do. I finished setting up my table and acknowledged my neighbours, the ten sets of eyes sitting across from me. I felt like such a newbie. My sign was way too big. Everyone else was way more discreet. I felt like a nouveau riche surrounded by people who came from old money. "One of these things is not like the others". I stayed, I met interesting people, made excellent connections and now have one small press fair under my belt. It turns out that many of the people around my table were also new to this. Everyone was nice and supportive. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Now, I am writing a book for women, The Mommy Monologues. I am interviewing mothers from every walk of life. I have written a quarter of it already. I am humbled and moved by the tremendous stories of love and courage that these mothers are sharing with me. I used to be an art therapist who also liked to write. As time goes on, more people introduce me as a writer who is also an art therapist. I was thinking about this on the weekend. I felt like an imposter. I didn't study English literature, I'm never sure if my grammar and punctuation are acceptable, English isn't even my first language. I love to write and do it every day but I still feel like a liar when I say I'm a writer. I wondered what makes someone a writer. There are plenty of successful authors who did not have a background in English Literature. There is an equally impressive amount of people with an English degree who have yet to write anything. So, this leads me to my question: Am I a writer yet?
I feel like an art therapist who loves to write and does so to help people connect and heal. I proudly call myself an author because I have self-published books however, I still feel like a fraud if I call myself a writer. Perhaps this next book will be a game-changer for me. Who knows? For now, I am just enjoying the writing process, the therapeutic value in people telling their stories to someone who is hanging on their every word, the sense of hope and connection that women get from recognizing their story in someone else's narrative and, the pride I get for bringing these amazing women together in one book.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
In the early 2000s, I submitted a short story to a collaborative book published by Mimi Publishing. I wrote about my work with people diagnosed with dementia. I wanted to inspire the staff in long term care and loved ones of individuals with dementia to stimulate and appreciate the person within the illness. When Mimi Publishing was ready to start its second collaboration, I submitted a more personal story. This time, my aim was to write about my childhood in a less than ideal low income neighbourhood in order to reach out to at-risk teens. The message to my story was that you can't choose your lifestyle when you are a child but, as an adult, you can design your own life regardless of your beginnings. The lady who edited my text, focused on the biographical aspect of my story and, by the time it went to print, there wasn't much left of the motivational part of my story. I was disappointed and never really sold that book to anyone.
Years later, I interviewed older adults living in my neighbourhood and submitted their stories to the local paper. I enjoyed doing this and ended up being a reporter for some time, visiting local businesses and interesting individuals to document what they were doing and why it mattered to the people in our community.
I enjoyed writing. I was able to use my creativity and people wrote to me or spoke to me when we bumped into one another to say they loved reading what I wrote. I approached a friend and artist Meredith Luce and we collaborated on a deck of art therapy cards. These cards were meant to help ease women going through painful life transitions by suggesting art therapy directives they could do from home with cheap materials.
I started volunteering in my daughter's class. I wanted to design workshops that taught life skills such as friendship, stress management, healthy boundaries, constructive self-expression and self-care but I couldn't find a book about the healthy expression of anger or frustration. This led me down the self-publishing path and my first book was born. Have You Hugged Your Alien? was my tool to initiate conversations with elementary school children about the normalcy of their emotions.
I followed up with a second book dealing with sibling rivalry as children adjust to a younger sibling. The first book was popular with teachers, therapists and parents. The second book was used by parents and the workshops were mostly in libraries or after school programs.
Last January, after chatting with my friend Chris who is a writer, I expressed my desire to write more often but my confusion about how one goes about getting paid for their work. Chris has been my informal mentor since then, pointing out grant application deadline, writer's festivals and events as well as associations that support and promote the work of writers. I have learned a great deal from her. I figured if I wanted to feel like a writer, I needed to write every day. So, I started this blog and I have written on most weekdays since then. I also write in my journal.
This past weekend, I attended the Small Press Fair in Ottawa. I was really scared but I got registered and showed up anyways. Mandy from Classic Graphics had prepared a huge sign for me with a bio and a copy of the title page from each book as well as my logo on it. She did a great job, as usual. I found a table, under the gaze of the other writers who were already set up. I noticed they all had table cloths, really good quality ones. Oops! I scrambled back to my car and, luckily, I had a Dollar Store tablecloth in my truck, leftover from Wednesday's workshop. It would have to do. I finished setting up my table and acknowledged my neighbours, the ten sets of eyes sitting across from me. I felt like such a newbie. My sign was way too big. Everyone else was way more discreet. I felt like a nouveau riche surrounded by people who came from old money. "One of these things is not like the others". I stayed, I met interesting people, made excellent connections and now have one small press fair under my belt. It turns out that many of the people around my table were also new to this. Everyone was nice and supportive. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Now, I am writing a book for women, The Mommy Monologues. I am interviewing mothers from every walk of life. I have written a quarter of it already. I am humbled and moved by the tremendous stories of love and courage that these mothers are sharing with me. I used to be an art therapist who also liked to write. As time goes on, more people introduce me as a writer who is also an art therapist. I was thinking about this on the weekend. I felt like an imposter. I didn't study English literature, I'm never sure if my grammar and punctuation are acceptable, English isn't even my first language. I love to write and do it every day but I still feel like a liar when I say I'm a writer. I wondered what makes someone a writer. There are plenty of successful authors who did not have a background in English Literature. There is an equally impressive amount of people with an English degree who have yet to write anything. So, this leads me to my question: Am I a writer yet?
I feel like an art therapist who loves to write and does so to help people connect and heal. I proudly call myself an author because I have self-published books however, I still feel like a fraud if I call myself a writer. Perhaps this next book will be a game-changer for me. Who knows? For now, I am just enjoying the writing process, the therapeutic value in people telling their stories to someone who is hanging on their every word, the sense of hope and connection that women get from recognizing their story in someone else's narrative and, the pride I get for bringing these amazing women together in one book.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 3 November 2016
Halloween and our Sense of Community
November 3rd, 2016
On Monday, like every other parent, we took our children trick or treating. They got dressed up, applied their face make-up and grabbed a pillow case. We visited our friends' houses first then we headed out to the homes of strangers.
As the children walked from door to door, we bumped into people we know from the community. I got to meet the children of some adults I know through business. The girls got to meet the parents of children they know from school or gymnastics.
As the girls collected candy, we listened to make sure they said thank you. We watched them interacting with adults of all ages and abilities. They pet dogs and cats, talked about their costumes and asked some adults who were dressed-up what they were dressed as.
There is a festive mood in the air as children and their parents walk freely through the streets, enjoying the experience, showing off their costumes, gathering candy like gold and meeting the neighbours.
Recently, when I attended Sources of Strength training, we talked about the resilience of people in Latin America. Two of the factors responsible for this resilience are 1) a sense of belonging to their community and, 2) close ties to their family.
My husband and I are lucky. We get to work from home. This means we spend more time with our children than most people. I was thinking about occasions like Halloween when we get to connect with our community. I like taking the girls to Canada Day celebrations, Pirate Day, Ribfest, the Santa Parade and other local celebrations. We meet local business owners and bump into acquaintances and friends from the community. Going to Gymnastics each week is also an opportunity to get to know other families. We have a Summer Bash every year where we invite the girls' friends and their families. They spend most of the evening in the pool but we get to mingle with parents and expand our circle of friendships.
I believe we would be stronger as a community and as families if there were more opportunities to socialize like block parties, BBQs, game nights and family days. We have many empty buildings in this community. They could be transformed into indoor pools, movie theatres and games areas. I feel safer living in a connected community where my children and I know the names of our neighbours. Don't you?
On Monday, like every other parent, we took our children trick or treating. They got dressed up, applied their face make-up and grabbed a pillow case. We visited our friends' houses first then we headed out to the homes of strangers.
As the children walked from door to door, we bumped into people we know from the community. I got to meet the children of some adults I know through business. The girls got to meet the parents of children they know from school or gymnastics.
As the girls collected candy, we listened to make sure they said thank you. We watched them interacting with adults of all ages and abilities. They pet dogs and cats, talked about their costumes and asked some adults who were dressed-up what they were dressed as.
There is a festive mood in the air as children and their parents walk freely through the streets, enjoying the experience, showing off their costumes, gathering candy like gold and meeting the neighbours.
Recently, when I attended Sources of Strength training, we talked about the resilience of people in Latin America. Two of the factors responsible for this resilience are 1) a sense of belonging to their community and, 2) close ties to their family.
My husband and I are lucky. We get to work from home. This means we spend more time with our children than most people. I was thinking about occasions like Halloween when we get to connect with our community. I like taking the girls to Canada Day celebrations, Pirate Day, Ribfest, the Santa Parade and other local celebrations. We meet local business owners and bump into acquaintances and friends from the community. Going to Gymnastics each week is also an opportunity to get to know other families. We have a Summer Bash every year where we invite the girls' friends and their families. They spend most of the evening in the pool but we get to mingle with parents and expand our circle of friendships.
I believe we would be stronger as a community and as families if there were more opportunities to socialize like block parties, BBQs, game nights and family days. We have many empty buildings in this community. They could be transformed into indoor pools, movie theatres and games areas. I feel safer living in a connected community where my children and I know the names of our neighbours. Don't you?
Wednesday, 22 June 2016
Only Her Hairdresser Knows
June 22nd, 2016
I am not a girly girl. It was a fluke that I ended up in a posh hair salon back in 2002 where I met my husband. I rarely get my hair cut, I didn't have a preferred hairstylist and I used to just get fed up and go to a cheap walk-in place to get my hair trimmed.
When I started dating my husband who is a Vidal Sassoon trained hairstylist, I had no clue just how invested some women get with their stylist. I had no clue how important hair was to these clients. To me, hair is hair, no big deal but to many women, their hair is very serious business. We met clients all the time when we were dating. These women would give me a once over and I knew they were deciding whether or not I deserved to be with Vincent. It felt like having hundreds of mother-in-laws. When I was pregnant with our first daughter, I went into labour on a Saturday (bad day when your husband is a stylist). Four of the eight women who were booked on that Saturday never returned to get their hair done after my husband cancelled their appointment on that Saturday.
Hair salons are notorious for gossip. Clients dish it out in the styling chair. My husband knows who is cheating, bankrupt, alcoholic, abusive and newly unemployed. He hears about women's frustrations with their husbands and applies this knowledge to our relationship (thank you clients!). When we are struggling with one of our daughters, he generally has at least one client who has been through it or works in an office where they deal with this and we get free advice all the time. This has come in handy.
His clients are on a six week rotation and changing these appointments is punishable by death (almost). So, when we go away for ten days every year in March, my husband returns to a packed house, trying to juggle people who are on their schedule while fitting in the clients he missed while we were away.
There is something about the fact that clients are not looking directly at my husband while they talk that leads to deep, revealing discussions. I have often wondered if it is the impact of speaking their truth while facing themselves in the mirror that lends itself to this intensity. Vincent has had women crying about childhood traumas, revealing deep, dark family secrets and admitting to feeling lost and off track in their lives-all in the stylist chair. I often joke that he is more of a therapist than a stylist because he deals with some pretty heavy-duty issues.
When we first met I thought of hair salons as a place of gossip and where women spent money on their looks. It all seemed shallow to me. However, through my husband and his clients, I have learned to see his work differently. The same women come to him every six weeks. Some of them came to see him as children and now they have their own. They connect with other clients, with Vincent and his assistant. They exchange contacts and advice. It is a safe, familiar place where people care about what is happening in your life.
On a deeper note, I have watched women go into his shop hunched and come out tall and proud. When he first takes on a client whose hair has been neglected or misunderstood, he cuts and colours it to complement the woman's skin tone and features. The result is that the client looks younger and sexy. The client stares at herself in the mirror in disbelief. Is this really me? There have been quite a few tears shed after such transformations and several babies conceived.
I am proud of my husband's work. He is competent and compassionate and he has taught me that hairstylists care about their clients, that they make a difference in their lives and that their services can be therapeutic as well as aesthetic. Long live the hairstylist!!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I am not a girly girl. It was a fluke that I ended up in a posh hair salon back in 2002 where I met my husband. I rarely get my hair cut, I didn't have a preferred hairstylist and I used to just get fed up and go to a cheap walk-in place to get my hair trimmed.
When I started dating my husband who is a Vidal Sassoon trained hairstylist, I had no clue just how invested some women get with their stylist. I had no clue how important hair was to these clients. To me, hair is hair, no big deal but to many women, their hair is very serious business. We met clients all the time when we were dating. These women would give me a once over and I knew they were deciding whether or not I deserved to be with Vincent. It felt like having hundreds of mother-in-laws. When I was pregnant with our first daughter, I went into labour on a Saturday (bad day when your husband is a stylist). Four of the eight women who were booked on that Saturday never returned to get their hair done after my husband cancelled their appointment on that Saturday.
Hair salons are notorious for gossip. Clients dish it out in the styling chair. My husband knows who is cheating, bankrupt, alcoholic, abusive and newly unemployed. He hears about women's frustrations with their husbands and applies this knowledge to our relationship (thank you clients!). When we are struggling with one of our daughters, he generally has at least one client who has been through it or works in an office where they deal with this and we get free advice all the time. This has come in handy.
His clients are on a six week rotation and changing these appointments is punishable by death (almost). So, when we go away for ten days every year in March, my husband returns to a packed house, trying to juggle people who are on their schedule while fitting in the clients he missed while we were away.
There is something about the fact that clients are not looking directly at my husband while they talk that leads to deep, revealing discussions. I have often wondered if it is the impact of speaking their truth while facing themselves in the mirror that lends itself to this intensity. Vincent has had women crying about childhood traumas, revealing deep, dark family secrets and admitting to feeling lost and off track in their lives-all in the stylist chair. I often joke that he is more of a therapist than a stylist because he deals with some pretty heavy-duty issues.
When we first met I thought of hair salons as a place of gossip and where women spent money on their looks. It all seemed shallow to me. However, through my husband and his clients, I have learned to see his work differently. The same women come to him every six weeks. Some of them came to see him as children and now they have their own. They connect with other clients, with Vincent and his assistant. They exchange contacts and advice. It is a safe, familiar place where people care about what is happening in your life.
On a deeper note, I have watched women go into his shop hunched and come out tall and proud. When he first takes on a client whose hair has been neglected or misunderstood, he cuts and colours it to complement the woman's skin tone and features. The result is that the client looks younger and sexy. The client stares at herself in the mirror in disbelief. Is this really me? There have been quite a few tears shed after such transformations and several babies conceived.
I am proud of my husband's work. He is competent and compassionate and he has taught me that hairstylists care about their clients, that they make a difference in their lives and that their services can be therapeutic as well as aesthetic. Long live the hairstylist!!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 7 June 2016
Quality of Life
June 7th, 2016
Years ago, I was hired to complete quality of life surveys in Chronic Care Hospitals throughout Ontario. I loved this work because I got to sit with patients and talk for a bit before and after each survey. They would tell me why they were there and what they missed about being healthy and at home. I got to learn from them what made their stay at the hospital more tolerable. There were hospitals where staff welcomed us and others where we were definitely not wanted. I could get a sense of each unit by the way staff interacted, or failed to interact, with the patients. I saw a lot of lonely individuals but I was also impressed with their resilience. Some people remained optimistic despite really tragic situations.
One of the favorite parts of my job was the challenge of communicating with individuals whose ability to speak was impaired. Some people had computers attached to their wheelchairs. They would move their eyes, tongues or fingers and the computer would type a message. In some cases what they wrote would be spoken out loud by the computer. I would scroll through the lists of names that were deemed unable to complete the interview and I would visit these patients. We would usually find a way to complete the interview which thrilled me. It came down to decoding their language. I would ask Yes/No questions then encourage them to blink, look up or down, stick out their tongue, lift a finger or raise eyebrows in order to say yes. I think these interactions led me to my future career in art therapy. I was so moved by the experience of understanding someone's language, of knowing that this person's voice was heard despite the challenges we faced. Art therapy also gives a voice to individuals who feel invisible, mute or otherwise limited in their ability to express themselves.
I was touched by the simple things that improved quality of life-privacy (knock before you enter a room), kindness (staff who spoke to them and made eye contact every time they entered their room to administer care), connection (having opportunities to interact with others through recreational programs or volunteer visits) and dignity (being treated with respect, not like a number or an inanimate object). There was a really intelligent woman paralyzed from the neck down. She missed having intellectual stimulation. In my time with her we found a wand that she could wear with a band strapped to her head. We could obtain a book holder and use the wand to turn the pages as she read books. She was ecstatic at the thought of reading again. I had suggested audio books initially but she was visual and the audio books did not engage her, she would fall asleep. I thought about this woman for some time after our interview. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a perfectly functional brain but an unresponsive body-to have all these ideas and never be able to act on them.
When I wrote my art therapy thesis, I examined the factors that contribute to quality of life and mental health for older adults living in long term care. My goal was to link self-expression through art therapy to each factor. I can now see how each factor would be challenged during a hospital stay.
You are admitted to the hospital because you are no longer able to function the way you used to, you are cut off from your neighbourhood, family and friends, you depend on others for food, hygiene, entertainment, you have less control over your life and you don't have a well-defined purpose when you get up in the morning.
Once in a while, when I feel bummed by events in my life, I remind myself that I am so very lucky that I can get up on my own, drive where I want to go, eat, make plans, choose the activities that fill my day and interact with many lovely individuals along the way.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Years ago, I was hired to complete quality of life surveys in Chronic Care Hospitals throughout Ontario. I loved this work because I got to sit with patients and talk for a bit before and after each survey. They would tell me why they were there and what they missed about being healthy and at home. I got to learn from them what made their stay at the hospital more tolerable. There were hospitals where staff welcomed us and others where we were definitely not wanted. I could get a sense of each unit by the way staff interacted, or failed to interact, with the patients. I saw a lot of lonely individuals but I was also impressed with their resilience. Some people remained optimistic despite really tragic situations.
One of the favorite parts of my job was the challenge of communicating with individuals whose ability to speak was impaired. Some people had computers attached to their wheelchairs. They would move their eyes, tongues or fingers and the computer would type a message. In some cases what they wrote would be spoken out loud by the computer. I would scroll through the lists of names that were deemed unable to complete the interview and I would visit these patients. We would usually find a way to complete the interview which thrilled me. It came down to decoding their language. I would ask Yes/No questions then encourage them to blink, look up or down, stick out their tongue, lift a finger or raise eyebrows in order to say yes. I think these interactions led me to my future career in art therapy. I was so moved by the experience of understanding someone's language, of knowing that this person's voice was heard despite the challenges we faced. Art therapy also gives a voice to individuals who feel invisible, mute or otherwise limited in their ability to express themselves.
I was touched by the simple things that improved quality of life-privacy (knock before you enter a room), kindness (staff who spoke to them and made eye contact every time they entered their room to administer care), connection (having opportunities to interact with others through recreational programs or volunteer visits) and dignity (being treated with respect, not like a number or an inanimate object). There was a really intelligent woman paralyzed from the neck down. She missed having intellectual stimulation. In my time with her we found a wand that she could wear with a band strapped to her head. We could obtain a book holder and use the wand to turn the pages as she read books. She was ecstatic at the thought of reading again. I had suggested audio books initially but she was visual and the audio books did not engage her, she would fall asleep. I thought about this woman for some time after our interview. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a perfectly functional brain but an unresponsive body-to have all these ideas and never be able to act on them.
When I wrote my art therapy thesis, I examined the factors that contribute to quality of life and mental health for older adults living in long term care. My goal was to link self-expression through art therapy to each factor. I can now see how each factor would be challenged during a hospital stay.
You are admitted to the hospital because you are no longer able to function the way you used to, you are cut off from your neighbourhood, family and friends, you depend on others for food, hygiene, entertainment, you have less control over your life and you don't have a well-defined purpose when you get up in the morning.
Once in a while, when I feel bummed by events in my life, I remind myself that I am so very lucky that I can get up on my own, drive where I want to go, eat, make plans, choose the activities that fill my day and interact with many lovely individuals along the way.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 24 May 2016
Friendships
May 24th, 2016
What did you do over the long weekend? We had amazing weather! We seem to have suddenly fallen into summer. We ate outdoors and the trampoline got plenty of use and, we hung out at Baxter's Beach for the first time this season. The Ice Cream Float was out, that is the name of a boat. It belongs to a super sweet man who crosses the river from his home to Baxter's Beach in his boat in order to sell ice cream to hoards of overheated and eagerly awaiting children. The beach is my zone and I could spend the entire day (my whole life) there. My children usually want to go home after a few hours. Sigh!
I was thinking about friendships over the weekend. My youngest daughter had her friend Ruby over to the house. They are both seven years old and were so excited to spend time together. They created masterpieces at our dining room table then had some lunch while watching Teen Titans. They spent a good 30 minutes on the trampoline then I challenged them with a treasure hunt. They had to jump rope, pick flowers from our property, do somersaults across the lawn, race on bouncy balls and swing to another galaxy on our swing set. They played with dolls for a while then they drew with chalk on the back deck. They were having a great time. By the time Ruby's Mom came over to pick her up, Ruby wanted to sleep over. My daughters and her had planned their whole evening while they drew flowers and rainbows all over the deck. When her mother said no, Ruby was very disappointed. My eldest daughter is 10 years old but she had played with my youngest and her friend and they had quickly bonded. I truly enjoyed our day. I love being around young ones because they are in the moment, savouring each activity, participating fully. They love each other so deeply and their friendships are so precious. It's really heartwarming.
That evening, my husband set out to meet a friend of his who was visiting from Norway. They have been friends for a long time. They don't see each other often, due to distance, but when they spend time together it's as if no time has elapsed. They both had children later in life and married in the same year. Becoming fathers has changed them both, deepening their friendship. He came home the next morning seeming happier and even more appreciative of our daughters. I caught a glimpse of him holding our youngest daughter, smiling, content.
My husband has also developed a new relationship recently with the father of one of our eldest daughter's friends. They both love music and beer and they are like two children when they get together, joking, excited and happy. This has been a great friendship for them. They go out every two weeks on their "Bro-date". I can tell they look forward to it and they both get something out of it. I am glad that they have found each other.
I meet a friend of mine every week. We go for walks and we talk about our lives, our challenges, our aspirations and the really cool people we have met. I look forward to our walks because it is great exercise for me and I feel great afterwards. However, I mostly enjoy our time together. Our conversations make me think and force me to view the world in a different way. Last week, another lady I had met through volunteering at my daughter's school asked if she could join us. I look forward to getting to know her. She is one of those people who has an open face, friendly, honest and kind. I am excited for this week's walk. I also stay in touch with friends from previous phases of my life. We catch up on Facebook, via e-mail or, if they are in Ottawa, we connect for coffee once in a while. Again, it feels as though no time has elapsed every time we meet.
Seeing my friends fills me up. I have more energy, I am more patient with my husband and children after a date with a friend and, I connect with different parts of myself through my friendships. Some friends are more intellectual, we will bounce ideas off one another and grow in awareness together. Other friends are silly and naughty and they teach me to relax and enjoy my life. My creative friends set me on fire. I leave our meet ups feeling energized and motivated to express myself in bold new ways.
I can see how my daughters learn about themselves through friendships as well. They learn to communicate, share and empathize. They feel special because this person wants to be their friend. They get a sense of belonging and they identify with what they have in common whether that's a love of gymnastics, a favourite colour or having long blond hair.
Friendships are so important for us as human beings. I wanted to celebrate the role of friendships in today's post. If you don't have a few close friends, participate in activities you enjoy in order to meet like-minded people. Don't be afraid to approach people and ask them if they'd like to grab a coffee or go for a walk. There are lots of fascinating people out there just waiting to be discovered, like you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
What did you do over the long weekend? We had amazing weather! We seem to have suddenly fallen into summer. We ate outdoors and the trampoline got plenty of use and, we hung out at Baxter's Beach for the first time this season. The Ice Cream Float was out, that is the name of a boat. It belongs to a super sweet man who crosses the river from his home to Baxter's Beach in his boat in order to sell ice cream to hoards of overheated and eagerly awaiting children. The beach is my zone and I could spend the entire day (my whole life) there. My children usually want to go home after a few hours. Sigh!
I was thinking about friendships over the weekend. My youngest daughter had her friend Ruby over to the house. They are both seven years old and were so excited to spend time together. They created masterpieces at our dining room table then had some lunch while watching Teen Titans. They spent a good 30 minutes on the trampoline then I challenged them with a treasure hunt. They had to jump rope, pick flowers from our property, do somersaults across the lawn, race on bouncy balls and swing to another galaxy on our swing set. They played with dolls for a while then they drew with chalk on the back deck. They were having a great time. By the time Ruby's Mom came over to pick her up, Ruby wanted to sleep over. My daughters and her had planned their whole evening while they drew flowers and rainbows all over the deck. When her mother said no, Ruby was very disappointed. My eldest daughter is 10 years old but she had played with my youngest and her friend and they had quickly bonded. I truly enjoyed our day. I love being around young ones because they are in the moment, savouring each activity, participating fully. They love each other so deeply and their friendships are so precious. It's really heartwarming.
That evening, my husband set out to meet a friend of his who was visiting from Norway. They have been friends for a long time. They don't see each other often, due to distance, but when they spend time together it's as if no time has elapsed. They both had children later in life and married in the same year. Becoming fathers has changed them both, deepening their friendship. He came home the next morning seeming happier and even more appreciative of our daughters. I caught a glimpse of him holding our youngest daughter, smiling, content.
My husband has also developed a new relationship recently with the father of one of our eldest daughter's friends. They both love music and beer and they are like two children when they get together, joking, excited and happy. This has been a great friendship for them. They go out every two weeks on their "Bro-date". I can tell they look forward to it and they both get something out of it. I am glad that they have found each other.
I meet a friend of mine every week. We go for walks and we talk about our lives, our challenges, our aspirations and the really cool people we have met. I look forward to our walks because it is great exercise for me and I feel great afterwards. However, I mostly enjoy our time together. Our conversations make me think and force me to view the world in a different way. Last week, another lady I had met through volunteering at my daughter's school asked if she could join us. I look forward to getting to know her. She is one of those people who has an open face, friendly, honest and kind. I am excited for this week's walk. I also stay in touch with friends from previous phases of my life. We catch up on Facebook, via e-mail or, if they are in Ottawa, we connect for coffee once in a while. Again, it feels as though no time has elapsed every time we meet.
Seeing my friends fills me up. I have more energy, I am more patient with my husband and children after a date with a friend and, I connect with different parts of myself through my friendships. Some friends are more intellectual, we will bounce ideas off one another and grow in awareness together. Other friends are silly and naughty and they teach me to relax and enjoy my life. My creative friends set me on fire. I leave our meet ups feeling energized and motivated to express myself in bold new ways.
I can see how my daughters learn about themselves through friendships as well. They learn to communicate, share and empathize. They feel special because this person wants to be their friend. They get a sense of belonging and they identify with what they have in common whether that's a love of gymnastics, a favourite colour or having long blond hair.
Friendships are so important for us as human beings. I wanted to celebrate the role of friendships in today's post. If you don't have a few close friends, participate in activities you enjoy in order to meet like-minded people. Don't be afraid to approach people and ask them if they'd like to grab a coffee or go for a walk. There are lots of fascinating people out there just waiting to be discovered, like you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 23 February 2016
Women
February 20th, 2016
On Saturday, I had my Divorce Diva workshop. We have been meeting monthly for over a year now. We did not meet in January so the last time the participants had seen one another was in December 2015. There was so much joy in the room, it was palpable.
I offer art therapy workshops to various groups of women. I love this work!!!! Just like I read about in Girls on the Edge, girls and women need to connect. There simply isn't anything that replaces that sense of connection for us. In each of my groups, the women are very different from one another. Sometimes I worry that they will fail to connect. However, in every case, no matter who shows up, we all have the same intention, to get together, create, communicate, grow and heal.
The women in the group all share a common experience, whether they work in the same place and I am offering a team building workshop or they are all survivors of abuse, divorced, stressed, at a crossroads in their career or, simply stuck. However, they are at different points in their journey and they have all had very busy lives. What amazes me is the capacity that we have as women for seeing the best in others and feeling compassion for them. Women share their stories to connect with one another and to encourage each other along the way. As the group grows together, they become each other's cheerleaders, reflecting on the progress that each person has achieved.
Unfortunately, women often underestimate their own brilliance and progress. Everyone one else is brave and special but not them. That is another reason group work is powerful. If I as a therapist tell a client that I am blown away with her progress, she may think I am just trying to encourage her. If an entire group of women are mirroring the same message, it lends more credibility.
When I have activities in pairs within groups of women who don't know one another, the women who pair up always have some kind of connection. One of them is trying to leave an abusive husband, the other has left after she was beaten so badly she ended up in hospital. Both women have had miscarriages or they are from the same hometown. I can't explain how they do it, but the women who need to learn from each other, end up together.
Provided they feel safe and accepted, women will discuss anything and everything so we get to know each other intimately. Outside of environments where they are burdened with responsibilities, women will immediately look for ways to enjoy life. They feel light and joyful, the noise level goes up, they are thoroughly enjoying themselves. I love being a part of this.
I will always create opportunities for women to connect, communicate and create together. It is an important aspect of mental health and life satisfaction for them and for me.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
On Saturday, I had my Divorce Diva workshop. We have been meeting monthly for over a year now. We did not meet in January so the last time the participants had seen one another was in December 2015. There was so much joy in the room, it was palpable.
I offer art therapy workshops to various groups of women. I love this work!!!! Just like I read about in Girls on the Edge, girls and women need to connect. There simply isn't anything that replaces that sense of connection for us. In each of my groups, the women are very different from one another. Sometimes I worry that they will fail to connect. However, in every case, no matter who shows up, we all have the same intention, to get together, create, communicate, grow and heal.
The women in the group all share a common experience, whether they work in the same place and I am offering a team building workshop or they are all survivors of abuse, divorced, stressed, at a crossroads in their career or, simply stuck. However, they are at different points in their journey and they have all had very busy lives. What amazes me is the capacity that we have as women for seeing the best in others and feeling compassion for them. Women share their stories to connect with one another and to encourage each other along the way. As the group grows together, they become each other's cheerleaders, reflecting on the progress that each person has achieved.
Unfortunately, women often underestimate their own brilliance and progress. Everyone one else is brave and special but not them. That is another reason group work is powerful. If I as a therapist tell a client that I am blown away with her progress, she may think I am just trying to encourage her. If an entire group of women are mirroring the same message, it lends more credibility.
When I have activities in pairs within groups of women who don't know one another, the women who pair up always have some kind of connection. One of them is trying to leave an abusive husband, the other has left after she was beaten so badly she ended up in hospital. Both women have had miscarriages or they are from the same hometown. I can't explain how they do it, but the women who need to learn from each other, end up together.
Provided they feel safe and accepted, women will discuss anything and everything so we get to know each other intimately. Outside of environments where they are burdened with responsibilities, women will immediately look for ways to enjoy life. They feel light and joyful, the noise level goes up, they are thoroughly enjoying themselves. I love being a part of this.
I will always create opportunities for women to connect, communicate and create together. It is an important aspect of mental health and life satisfaction for them and for me.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 11 February 2016
Book of the Week-Girls On The Edge-Part 1
February 11th, 2016
This week's book is really freaking me out. Leonard Sax has authored two books that caught my attention. Boys Adrift is a book about the phenomenon of "lazy boys" who live in a cocoon of video games. All their needs are met and they feel no desire to go beyond their comfortable bedroom to search for anything else.
Girls On The Edge examines what is happening to our girls. As the mother of two girls, this book has me taking notes. I am really taking my time getting through this book and processing the abundance of information. That's why I write "part 1" in the title of this post. So far, I have read about the challenges faced by our daughters. Next week, I will read about the solutions to these challenges and report back for "part 2".
Dr. Sax makes an interesting point. His main message is that girls these days do not develop a sense of who they are. Usually, as you are exposed to your community which involves children of all ages, men and women, you have experiences that shape your perception of who you are. You also have some quiet time to yourself. These days with the crazy, hectic schedules: school, hockey, swimming, gymnastics, dance etc.. girls do not have a lot of unstructured down time. Also, we are less connected as families and as communities. Chances are you don't know your neighbours and you wouldn't feel safe if your daughter was walking alone in your neighbourhood. Children are in school with other kids the same age so there is little interaction with multiple age groups. Opportunities to connect as a family may be reduced as well as everyone struggles to juggle their schedule.
Girls are more likely to identify with one aspect of themselves, like being smart, thin, popular or athletic. They invest all their energy and attention into this one aspect and neglect the development of a core sense of self. Then, if they don't get into a prestigious college, or they gain weight or their friends turn on them, they are lost. They don't know who they are. They have a hole where their core should be. They try to fill the hole with alcohol but it just makes things messier. They are left with anxiety and/or depression.
The author describes four factors that put our daughters at risk. The first one is sexual identity. Our daughters are sexualized at a young age. They dress like older girls so they look older and in some cases participate in sexual behaviours before they are ready. They don't develop a sexual identity because they are sexualized before they even have the desire to be sexual. They become objectified and seek the attention of boys through acting out sexually. They don't believe they need to be in a relationship to have sex, it is seen as something casual. Therefore, they are performing sexual acts in the absence of a relationship. They even make out with other girls in front of boys for their enjoyment.
The second factor is the "cyberbubble". The trend of posting photos on Facebook and bogging about whatever is happening in their life means that many girls are developing a personae rather than a sense of self. They dress up for parties to look good in the photos. They need to stay current so they know what is hot and what is not. Their experiences become all about self-promotion. They become more of a logo than a person. What is important is to keep people interested and to get the "likes". Again, their actions have more to do with pleasing others than with self-expression or personal satisfaction.While they are honing their PR skills, they are not learning how to interact face to face with another person. Social media leaves very little time for breaks, they are always on and are expected to reply quickly. Teenagers belong to their own culture, excluding others who could balance things out for them. If teenagers are on the computer in the privacy of their room, parents could be oblivious to what is happening to their child. Cyberbullying is a real threat. Bullies have access to your daughter 24/7 and can post things that are untrue and hurtful. Lastly, there is the possibility of sexting, where your teenager sends suggestive photos of herself to a boyfriend. These photos can be shared with others and are considered child pornography. She could be charged if she gets caught.
The third factor is "obsessions". These include the cult of thinness promoted by "pro-anorexic" sites, the athlete who ignores her body's pain signals to maintain her competitive edge, the overachiever whose schedule is so full of commitments she doesn't know how to relax and have fun, the party girl who drinks to get "more personality" and, the cutter who enjoys feeling disconnected from her body, removed from the pain. Many teenagers grow up too fast and try to reclaim their childhood when they have grown up.
The fourth factor is "environmental toxins". Dr. Sax examines the link between BPA and phthalates and the early onset of puberty. PETE, BPA and phthalates mimic female hormones in the body causing girls to develop as young as age 7. They are found in plastics, lotions and creams. Early puberty is correlated to an absence of the biological father figure in the household. His pheromones keep her puberty at bay for a few years. There are new medications, Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone Analogs that parents can use to postpone puberty in their daughter if it begins too early. Early puberty is linked to many challenges including anxiety, depression, smoking, drinking and reduced brain flexibility.
As you can see, our daughters are facing many challenges. I don't know about you but reading this book was a bit overwhelming for me. That is why I am eager to read the next half of the book where the author provides suggestions and tips to help parents navigate this obstacle course. I will be back next week with part 2. Stay tuned!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
This week's book is really freaking me out. Leonard Sax has authored two books that caught my attention. Boys Adrift is a book about the phenomenon of "lazy boys" who live in a cocoon of video games. All their needs are met and they feel no desire to go beyond their comfortable bedroom to search for anything else.
Girls On The Edge examines what is happening to our girls. As the mother of two girls, this book has me taking notes. I am really taking my time getting through this book and processing the abundance of information. That's why I write "part 1" in the title of this post. So far, I have read about the challenges faced by our daughters. Next week, I will read about the solutions to these challenges and report back for "part 2".
Dr. Sax makes an interesting point. His main message is that girls these days do not develop a sense of who they are. Usually, as you are exposed to your community which involves children of all ages, men and women, you have experiences that shape your perception of who you are. You also have some quiet time to yourself. These days with the crazy, hectic schedules: school, hockey, swimming, gymnastics, dance etc.. girls do not have a lot of unstructured down time. Also, we are less connected as families and as communities. Chances are you don't know your neighbours and you wouldn't feel safe if your daughter was walking alone in your neighbourhood. Children are in school with other kids the same age so there is little interaction with multiple age groups. Opportunities to connect as a family may be reduced as well as everyone struggles to juggle their schedule.
Girls are more likely to identify with one aspect of themselves, like being smart, thin, popular or athletic. They invest all their energy and attention into this one aspect and neglect the development of a core sense of self. Then, if they don't get into a prestigious college, or they gain weight or their friends turn on them, they are lost. They don't know who they are. They have a hole where their core should be. They try to fill the hole with alcohol but it just makes things messier. They are left with anxiety and/or depression.
The author describes four factors that put our daughters at risk. The first one is sexual identity. Our daughters are sexualized at a young age. They dress like older girls so they look older and in some cases participate in sexual behaviours before they are ready. They don't develop a sexual identity because they are sexualized before they even have the desire to be sexual. They become objectified and seek the attention of boys through acting out sexually. They don't believe they need to be in a relationship to have sex, it is seen as something casual. Therefore, they are performing sexual acts in the absence of a relationship. They even make out with other girls in front of boys for their enjoyment.
The second factor is the "cyberbubble". The trend of posting photos on Facebook and bogging about whatever is happening in their life means that many girls are developing a personae rather than a sense of self. They dress up for parties to look good in the photos. They need to stay current so they know what is hot and what is not. Their experiences become all about self-promotion. They become more of a logo than a person. What is important is to keep people interested and to get the "likes". Again, their actions have more to do with pleasing others than with self-expression or personal satisfaction.While they are honing their PR skills, they are not learning how to interact face to face with another person. Social media leaves very little time for breaks, they are always on and are expected to reply quickly. Teenagers belong to their own culture, excluding others who could balance things out for them. If teenagers are on the computer in the privacy of their room, parents could be oblivious to what is happening to their child. Cyberbullying is a real threat. Bullies have access to your daughter 24/7 and can post things that are untrue and hurtful. Lastly, there is the possibility of sexting, where your teenager sends suggestive photos of herself to a boyfriend. These photos can be shared with others and are considered child pornography. She could be charged if she gets caught.
The third factor is "obsessions". These include the cult of thinness promoted by "pro-anorexic" sites, the athlete who ignores her body's pain signals to maintain her competitive edge, the overachiever whose schedule is so full of commitments she doesn't know how to relax and have fun, the party girl who drinks to get "more personality" and, the cutter who enjoys feeling disconnected from her body, removed from the pain. Many teenagers grow up too fast and try to reclaim their childhood when they have grown up.
The fourth factor is "environmental toxins". Dr. Sax examines the link between BPA and phthalates and the early onset of puberty. PETE, BPA and phthalates mimic female hormones in the body causing girls to develop as young as age 7. They are found in plastics, lotions and creams. Early puberty is correlated to an absence of the biological father figure in the household. His pheromones keep her puberty at bay for a few years. There are new medications, Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone Analogs that parents can use to postpone puberty in their daughter if it begins too early. Early puberty is linked to many challenges including anxiety, depression, smoking, drinking and reduced brain flexibility.
As you can see, our daughters are facing many challenges. I don't know about you but reading this book was a bit overwhelming for me. That is why I am eager to read the next half of the book where the author provides suggestions and tips to help parents navigate this obstacle course. I will be back next week with part 2. Stay tuned!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 4 February 2016
Book of the Week-Messages from Spirit
February 4th, 2016
I would like to share a book I have read and consulted many times. Colette Baron-Reid is an author, spiritual intuitive, radio personality and motivational speaker. I like her style of writing because she writes as if she were speaking to a friend. Her entire book is devoted to connecting to the spirit world.
One of the points she makes that I like is that all spiritual traditions have their own way to connect with their Source. Therefore, regardless of your religious or spiritual inclinations, you can dialogue with your Higher Power. The way you do it may be different and, certainly, your name for it can vary but the end result is the same.
Colette warns that her clients must not perceive predictions as a guarantee that things will happen just as they wish. A prediction is set in the present, as things stand right now but, this is based on experiences and actions on your part. If you simply sit back with the information from a psychic reading and assume that all will happen as predicted you may be in for some disappointment.
My favourite part about this book is the tools section. You are introduced to a variety of tools to help you communicate with your Source. She presents ancient systems of divination such as Astrology, I Ching, Norse Runes, Sacred Numerology and the traditions related to Kabbalah.
Prior to entering into communication with your Higher Power she suggests that you become clear about your intentions, that you search for a "higher view" of current situations (as opposed to asking that all your wishes be granted) and, that you approach this process with respect. Depending on your beliefs, you can pray for protection before you attempt any of the tools described below and ask for "the Will of God to be revealed" or, you can meditate to help you slow down, become receptive and eliminate barriers to your communication.
In the tools section of the book, Colette says we all have themes and lessons we are meant to learn during our lifetime. She recommends that we view these as a map. There are times in when we meet certain people or undergo experiences that change our life. These intersections are planned. We also get "wake-up" calls when we need to get back to our journey and we have gone off the path. Our life is determined by how we react to the opportunities and challenges that are presented to us. Therefore, we are encouraged to explore this map. The more informed and aware we are regarding our themes and lessons, the better prepared we are to navigate life's challenges and make wise decisions. I received a gift from a friend when I was in my mid-twenties. It was an astrological life map. It described my husband, my children and my career path way before I knew who I would marry and what I would become. It also described my childhood (in themes) quite accurately.
Tasseography is the practice of reading the symbols left behind by coffee grinds, tea leaves, thick hot chocolate, pureed vegetable soup or leftover oatmeal from a cup or a bowl. There is a separate chapter about reading messages in the bath using medicinal herbs or milk powder. I am determined to find Turkish coffee and experiment with a group coffee grind reading. I love coffee and this sounds so different. I bet it would be lots of fun.
Animal Totems are also messengers to guide us, becoming familiar with our various animals can help us understand the way we are as well as our interactions with others. You have seven totem animals. One for your physical health, the second for emotional health, the third for your purpose or ego, the fourth for your heart which reflects your ability to give and receive love, the fifth is about communication, the sixth represents your intuition and the seventh is the link between the mortal and spiritual worlds. She proposes activities to meet our totem animals. Someone once told me that the Owl was one of my totem animals. When Stella was just a toddler, we went to Build-A-Bear because Molly wanted a stuffed Hello Kitty. I was showing stuffed puppies and rabbits to Stella. She chose an animal that was high up and far from where we were standing. This was her first teddy and she chose an owl. :)
There is an entire chapter devoted to signs by numbers. This caught my attention because, after my 17 year old cousin passed away, I saw 11:11 all the time and I asked my uncle if this had some meaning. I was thinking it may symbolize a date like November 11th or the time he was struck by the drunk driver. The day after I asked him, I started seeing 10:10 all the time and I realized it wasn't the number that was important, it was just a hello. It gave me chills. I still get this signal from him when something significant is about to happen. There is a helpful exercise to complete in this chapter to calculate your Life Purpose number based on your date of birth and your Destiny number which uses your birth name. The descriptions of these numbers blew me away. They confirmed that I was meant to use what I have experienced in my relationships to help others. Wild!
There are several activities you can use to learn from the 27 archetypes describing various ways of being in the world. These include baking 27 cookies, each with an archetype on it or drawing the signs on 27 stones which you can cast for information about your past, present and future. The 27 archetypes are listed and described at the end of the book. There is also a listing of animals and their assigned meanings. This helps you as you complete the totem exercise but it is also useful if you notice an animal and you feel that it is appearing in your life for a reason, to communicate a message to you.
This is such an interesting book, you'll want to keep it in your bookshelf to consult many times in the years to come. I hope you are able to read this book and enjoy it as much as I have.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I would like to share a book I have read and consulted many times. Colette Baron-Reid is an author, spiritual intuitive, radio personality and motivational speaker. I like her style of writing because she writes as if she were speaking to a friend. Her entire book is devoted to connecting to the spirit world.
One of the points she makes that I like is that all spiritual traditions have their own way to connect with their Source. Therefore, regardless of your religious or spiritual inclinations, you can dialogue with your Higher Power. The way you do it may be different and, certainly, your name for it can vary but the end result is the same.
Colette warns that her clients must not perceive predictions as a guarantee that things will happen just as they wish. A prediction is set in the present, as things stand right now but, this is based on experiences and actions on your part. If you simply sit back with the information from a psychic reading and assume that all will happen as predicted you may be in for some disappointment.
My favourite part about this book is the tools section. You are introduced to a variety of tools to help you communicate with your Source. She presents ancient systems of divination such as Astrology, I Ching, Norse Runes, Sacred Numerology and the traditions related to Kabbalah.
Prior to entering into communication with your Higher Power she suggests that you become clear about your intentions, that you search for a "higher view" of current situations (as opposed to asking that all your wishes be granted) and, that you approach this process with respect. Depending on your beliefs, you can pray for protection before you attempt any of the tools described below and ask for "the Will of God to be revealed" or, you can meditate to help you slow down, become receptive and eliminate barriers to your communication.
In the tools section of the book, Colette says we all have themes and lessons we are meant to learn during our lifetime. She recommends that we view these as a map. There are times in when we meet certain people or undergo experiences that change our life. These intersections are planned. We also get "wake-up" calls when we need to get back to our journey and we have gone off the path. Our life is determined by how we react to the opportunities and challenges that are presented to us. Therefore, we are encouraged to explore this map. The more informed and aware we are regarding our themes and lessons, the better prepared we are to navigate life's challenges and make wise decisions. I received a gift from a friend when I was in my mid-twenties. It was an astrological life map. It described my husband, my children and my career path way before I knew who I would marry and what I would become. It also described my childhood (in themes) quite accurately.
Tasseography is the practice of reading the symbols left behind by coffee grinds, tea leaves, thick hot chocolate, pureed vegetable soup or leftover oatmeal from a cup or a bowl. There is a separate chapter about reading messages in the bath using medicinal herbs or milk powder. I am determined to find Turkish coffee and experiment with a group coffee grind reading. I love coffee and this sounds so different. I bet it would be lots of fun.
Animal Totems are also messengers to guide us, becoming familiar with our various animals can help us understand the way we are as well as our interactions with others. You have seven totem animals. One for your physical health, the second for emotional health, the third for your purpose or ego, the fourth for your heart which reflects your ability to give and receive love, the fifth is about communication, the sixth represents your intuition and the seventh is the link between the mortal and spiritual worlds. She proposes activities to meet our totem animals. Someone once told me that the Owl was one of my totem animals. When Stella was just a toddler, we went to Build-A-Bear because Molly wanted a stuffed Hello Kitty. I was showing stuffed puppies and rabbits to Stella. She chose an animal that was high up and far from where we were standing. This was her first teddy and she chose an owl. :)
There is an entire chapter devoted to signs by numbers. This caught my attention because, after my 17 year old cousin passed away, I saw 11:11 all the time and I asked my uncle if this had some meaning. I was thinking it may symbolize a date like November 11th or the time he was struck by the drunk driver. The day after I asked him, I started seeing 10:10 all the time and I realized it wasn't the number that was important, it was just a hello. It gave me chills. I still get this signal from him when something significant is about to happen. There is a helpful exercise to complete in this chapter to calculate your Life Purpose number based on your date of birth and your Destiny number which uses your birth name. The descriptions of these numbers blew me away. They confirmed that I was meant to use what I have experienced in my relationships to help others. Wild!
There are several activities you can use to learn from the 27 archetypes describing various ways of being in the world. These include baking 27 cookies, each with an archetype on it or drawing the signs on 27 stones which you can cast for information about your past, present and future. The 27 archetypes are listed and described at the end of the book. There is also a listing of animals and their assigned meanings. This helps you as you complete the totem exercise but it is also useful if you notice an animal and you feel that it is appearing in your life for a reason, to communicate a message to you.
This is such an interesting book, you'll want to keep it in your bookshelf to consult many times in the years to come. I hope you are able to read this book and enjoy it as much as I have.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday, 31 January 2016
Date Night
January 31st
Just over ten years ago, Vincent and I became parents. Our youngest daughter's Godparents, the Braidecs, were at my husband's shop. They were celebrating their wedding anniversary. I can't remember which anniversary it was but they have been together a long time, with two happy, successful, adult children. I asked them for the secret to a long marriage. I was expecting something like communication, compassion, humour etc, the usuals. They said they always made a point of having a date, once a week. This can be challenging when the children are young but it's important.
To this day, Vincent and I have our date night every week. I truly do believe it has helped us stay connected through the tough times. When you have children, you form a triangle and, although you can all interact as a family, the focus of both parents is usually directed to the child. When you try to communicate as a couple, within the home, you can be interrupted so many times you never finish any of the topics. This can lead to frustration, miscommunication and alienation.
Also, because it's easy to get sucked into a routine where each partner has a role, unless a couple gets out of the house without children on a regular basis, when they finally end up alone together, they may no longer know how to connect. They suddenly feel like strangers and have nothing to say. Our dates allowed us to stay romantic. I would dress up every week. The girls loved watching me get changed out of my "mommy" clothes. They always suggested which dress to wear. It shows them what it's like to care for someone and want special time with them. They saw us as a united couple who went out and had fun together.
During our date nights, we could have fun, laugh about whatever had happened during the week or just enjoy each other's company the way we did before we became parents. Sometimes, when we were stressed and overwhelmed by our responsibilities, we might take each other for granted and communicate in gruff ways throughout the week. It was nice to go out and realize we were ok. Taken away from the context of "duties", our pace would resume and we could see beyond the stress of the week.
On a few occasions, we vented our frustrations in the car on the way to the restaurant. We could get everything out without worrying that the children could hear. We might stay in the car longer than anticipated but, in the end, we had cleared the air and we were able to progress. Going out regularly means you don't forget what it's like to enjoy being your spouse's partner. We have had amazing conversations in the car and at the restaurant. We are able to talk about what is happening in our life, what we have learned, what our goals are for the future etc.
Even though there were weeks that the girls begged me to stay home with them when they were younger, they now look forward to our date night because they love their babysitter, Lauren. When they were very young, our date may be the only outing I got all week. It felt good to dress up and enjoy my supper while it was still warm, to feel like a woman. We became regulars in some restaurants and developed friendships with wait staff, managers and restaurant owners. It was fun to get out, socialize and have a good laugh.
Our sense of humour has always been a big part of our relationship. Spending time together, relaxing, eating good food, chatting, joking around, holding hands, even kissing on the way to the car, all of it has helped to keep our relationship fresh and fun.
If you have young children and you need to bring some joy back in your life, follow these steps:
1-Make date night a priority.
2-Find reliable, responsible people to babysit. If you have no money to pay for a sitter, see if a friend with children will trade with you so they can go out as well. You could also eat at home after you put the kids to bed so you can talk and have a date alone.
3-You don't need to go somewhere fancy. Tim Hortons and Subway can work just as well as a fancy restaurant. The point is to have time together.
4-Don't use this time to complain, go over the honey-do list or stress out about bills. All of this can be done during the drive there if you absolutely need to discuss it. Once you get to the restaurant, switch to date mode.
5-Dress up for your date so you can feel sexy. Don't forget to notice how good your partner looks.
6-Take the opportunity to hold hands, sit close together and cuddle.
7-Don't invite others to join you unless you have other opportunities to go out together alone.
Enjoy!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Just over ten years ago, Vincent and I became parents. Our youngest daughter's Godparents, the Braidecs, were at my husband's shop. They were celebrating their wedding anniversary. I can't remember which anniversary it was but they have been together a long time, with two happy, successful, adult children. I asked them for the secret to a long marriage. I was expecting something like communication, compassion, humour etc, the usuals. They said they always made a point of having a date, once a week. This can be challenging when the children are young but it's important.
To this day, Vincent and I have our date night every week. I truly do believe it has helped us stay connected through the tough times. When you have children, you form a triangle and, although you can all interact as a family, the focus of both parents is usually directed to the child. When you try to communicate as a couple, within the home, you can be interrupted so many times you never finish any of the topics. This can lead to frustration, miscommunication and alienation.
Also, because it's easy to get sucked into a routine where each partner has a role, unless a couple gets out of the house without children on a regular basis, when they finally end up alone together, they may no longer know how to connect. They suddenly feel like strangers and have nothing to say. Our dates allowed us to stay romantic. I would dress up every week. The girls loved watching me get changed out of my "mommy" clothes. They always suggested which dress to wear. It shows them what it's like to care for someone and want special time with them. They saw us as a united couple who went out and had fun together.
During our date nights, we could have fun, laugh about whatever had happened during the week or just enjoy each other's company the way we did before we became parents. Sometimes, when we were stressed and overwhelmed by our responsibilities, we might take each other for granted and communicate in gruff ways throughout the week. It was nice to go out and realize we were ok. Taken away from the context of "duties", our pace would resume and we could see beyond the stress of the week.
On a few occasions, we vented our frustrations in the car on the way to the restaurant. We could get everything out without worrying that the children could hear. We might stay in the car longer than anticipated but, in the end, we had cleared the air and we were able to progress. Going out regularly means you don't forget what it's like to enjoy being your spouse's partner. We have had amazing conversations in the car and at the restaurant. We are able to talk about what is happening in our life, what we have learned, what our goals are for the future etc.
Even though there were weeks that the girls begged me to stay home with them when they were younger, they now look forward to our date night because they love their babysitter, Lauren. When they were very young, our date may be the only outing I got all week. It felt good to dress up and enjoy my supper while it was still warm, to feel like a woman. We became regulars in some restaurants and developed friendships with wait staff, managers and restaurant owners. It was fun to get out, socialize and have a good laugh.
Our sense of humour has always been a big part of our relationship. Spending time together, relaxing, eating good food, chatting, joking around, holding hands, even kissing on the way to the car, all of it has helped to keep our relationship fresh and fun.
If you have young children and you need to bring some joy back in your life, follow these steps:
1-Make date night a priority.
2-Find reliable, responsible people to babysit. If you have no money to pay for a sitter, see if a friend with children will trade with you so they can go out as well. You could also eat at home after you put the kids to bed so you can talk and have a date alone.
3-You don't need to go somewhere fancy. Tim Hortons and Subway can work just as well as a fancy restaurant. The point is to have time together.
4-Don't use this time to complain, go over the honey-do list or stress out about bills. All of this can be done during the drive there if you absolutely need to discuss it. Once you get to the restaurant, switch to date mode.
5-Dress up for your date so you can feel sexy. Don't forget to notice how good your partner looks.
6-Take the opportunity to hold hands, sit close together and cuddle.
7-Don't invite others to join you unless you have other opportunities to go out together alone.
Enjoy!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 12 January 2016
Creativity-Art Therapy
January 12th 2016
I've received a few e-mails asking me to define art therapy. I wrote about residents with dementia yesterday and people were asking what this work is all about. Art therapy is a professional counselling service, using various forms of creativity to help people heal through self-expression, insight and self-awareness, self-exploration, intuition, experimentation and the externalization of painful life experiences for which there are no words.
I initially trained as a verbal therapist at Ottawa University. I was fascinated by the way people process experiences and develop coping strategies. You can listen to someone's story and pinpoint the moment when they adopted behaviours that now define them. There is a reason for everything we do. The problem is we are not always aware of the things we do that get in our own way. Our friends and family who can observe us objectively have more insight into our behaviours and patterns. However, in order to protect us from this harsh truth, they often do not point them out to us. We keep repeating the same patterns with different people, frustrated and confused. We go to see a verbal therapist and try to sort it all out.
As a verbal therapist, I witnessed how often clients would walk in, tell me a myriad of stories which I would dutifully write down and respond to my questions as we progressed, putting together the various pieces of the puzzle. I felt quite satisfied with our work and my supervisor was pleased. By the third session, I would see the same pattern repeating itself. I would think, "We've already talked about this. She had that breakthrough last week. I thought she wasn't going to do that anymore". I talked to my supervisor who didn't share my concern. I realized I could not do this for a living. I need to see progress, not temporary progress but permanent change.
I read about art therapy and was immediately smitten with the connection it creates in people. Women who came in to talk about their painful issues could repeat their stories, without emotion, word for word. They had seen many therapists before and they knew their story like the back of their hand. Listening to the stories may have helped temporarily as I expressed compassion and responded to what they were saying, they were being heard. However, I expected more from therapy. Art therapy uses creative expression as well as verbal communication. The client is active from the very start. Clients choose the art materials, what to draw or paint, how much talking they want to engage in and, whether they want to talk as they create or only talk or only create or create then talk.
The art contains emotions. When working with my Survivors of Sexual Abuse group, I may start with a clay activity. I ask the participants to create a container, a receptacle to hold the overwhelming fears, emotions and memories for them. The art can be a mirror, showing me how a person responds to situations or how clients perceive themselves. An example of this would be the gentleman who'd suffered a stroke and struggled to create a portrait of a beautiful woman. He couldn't get her features right, they were not symmetrical and looked stretched. This clearly reflected his own frustrations about his face, he had lost control over one side of his body, the same side that was "not looking right" in the portrait. Lots of women criticize their work. As they paint or draw or sculpt, their inner monologue is externalized. "This looks dumb, I suck at this, a child could have done better". This allows me to question them about this monologue, to wonder where this voice came from and how much more fun this would be without the interruptions and judgements of this voice, It is the same voice that is interfering in other aspects of their lives.
Creative expression is very intimate and emotional. It cuts through the story to the core. The story about how many men have mistreated them turns into an image of a child crouching in the corner. Who is this child? The client recognizes herself as a child, hiding from her abusive father. There is a direct emotional connection, emotions are released. We get curious about what that child needs. Safety. We explore all the possible ways the client can provide safety for her inner child. There is a lot of guilt associated with the various ways this child has been neglected by her adult self, placed in dangerous situations, repeating the trauma. The client signs a contract, vowing to keep herself safe and eliminate people and behaviours that put her at risk. This is powerful work.
Creativity can also empower clients by serving as a tool for communication. When a couple comes in because they are ready to throw in the towel and I ask them to draw the problem, as they see it and, write down five adjectives to describe what they want for their relationship, they are both working together. They can "see" each other's point of view. They become aware of ways they have each hurt the other. They are surprised to see they want the same things: more time together, laughing, sex and less fighting. It's way easier to move forward when everyone is literally "on the same page".
Creative expression is cathartic. A young boy, diagnosed with ADHD, who is overwhelmed by his mother's anxiety, his father's anger and his brother's physical disabilities can pound the clay until it becomes soft and, relieved and relaxed, sculpt it into something beautiful. A 65 year old woman suffering from chronic pain can fill a body outline with various colours and textures and come face to face with the abortion she had 40 years ago. She cries and writes a letter to her unborn child and burns the outline, releasing her trauma. She leaves feeling lighter and "looser" in her body.
Creativity can help a group bond in a short amount of time. I see this in my groups. There is mutual support and compassion as they share how each person deals with the same issue. Feeling compassion for someone else with the same challenges engenders compassion for yourself as well. The art is also a safe place to plant the seeds of dreams for the future. Occasionally, I'll ask groups to create a collage of their ideal life in five years from now. They cut out images from magazines, write colourful words all around the images or affirmations. I then ask them to think of a song that represents the feeling state of this image. There is much giggling as they come up with quirky or sexy songs. The song helps them tap into this feeling state in the future, reminding them that they are on a path and they have already selected a destination.
Art therapy is the interaction between a compassionate professional, a brave, willing client and art materials. The materials have their own energy and appeal to different people. My role is to offer a safe place for people to connect with their own wisdom through non-verbal, creative expression. Their wisdom and intuition will lead them in the right direction. I get to witness their courage, their beauty and, ultimately, their healing.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I've received a few e-mails asking me to define art therapy. I wrote about residents with dementia yesterday and people were asking what this work is all about. Art therapy is a professional counselling service, using various forms of creativity to help people heal through self-expression, insight and self-awareness, self-exploration, intuition, experimentation and the externalization of painful life experiences for which there are no words.
I initially trained as a verbal therapist at Ottawa University. I was fascinated by the way people process experiences and develop coping strategies. You can listen to someone's story and pinpoint the moment when they adopted behaviours that now define them. There is a reason for everything we do. The problem is we are not always aware of the things we do that get in our own way. Our friends and family who can observe us objectively have more insight into our behaviours and patterns. However, in order to protect us from this harsh truth, they often do not point them out to us. We keep repeating the same patterns with different people, frustrated and confused. We go to see a verbal therapist and try to sort it all out.
As a verbal therapist, I witnessed how often clients would walk in, tell me a myriad of stories which I would dutifully write down and respond to my questions as we progressed, putting together the various pieces of the puzzle. I felt quite satisfied with our work and my supervisor was pleased. By the third session, I would see the same pattern repeating itself. I would think, "We've already talked about this. She had that breakthrough last week. I thought she wasn't going to do that anymore". I talked to my supervisor who didn't share my concern. I realized I could not do this for a living. I need to see progress, not temporary progress but permanent change.
I read about art therapy and was immediately smitten with the connection it creates in people. Women who came in to talk about their painful issues could repeat their stories, without emotion, word for word. They had seen many therapists before and they knew their story like the back of their hand. Listening to the stories may have helped temporarily as I expressed compassion and responded to what they were saying, they were being heard. However, I expected more from therapy. Art therapy uses creative expression as well as verbal communication. The client is active from the very start. Clients choose the art materials, what to draw or paint, how much talking they want to engage in and, whether they want to talk as they create or only talk or only create or create then talk.
The art contains emotions. When working with my Survivors of Sexual Abuse group, I may start with a clay activity. I ask the participants to create a container, a receptacle to hold the overwhelming fears, emotions and memories for them. The art can be a mirror, showing me how a person responds to situations or how clients perceive themselves. An example of this would be the gentleman who'd suffered a stroke and struggled to create a portrait of a beautiful woman. He couldn't get her features right, they were not symmetrical and looked stretched. This clearly reflected his own frustrations about his face, he had lost control over one side of his body, the same side that was "not looking right" in the portrait. Lots of women criticize their work. As they paint or draw or sculpt, their inner monologue is externalized. "This looks dumb, I suck at this, a child could have done better". This allows me to question them about this monologue, to wonder where this voice came from and how much more fun this would be without the interruptions and judgements of this voice, It is the same voice that is interfering in other aspects of their lives.
Creative expression is very intimate and emotional. It cuts through the story to the core. The story about how many men have mistreated them turns into an image of a child crouching in the corner. Who is this child? The client recognizes herself as a child, hiding from her abusive father. There is a direct emotional connection, emotions are released. We get curious about what that child needs. Safety. We explore all the possible ways the client can provide safety for her inner child. There is a lot of guilt associated with the various ways this child has been neglected by her adult self, placed in dangerous situations, repeating the trauma. The client signs a contract, vowing to keep herself safe and eliminate people and behaviours that put her at risk. This is powerful work.
Creativity can also empower clients by serving as a tool for communication. When a couple comes in because they are ready to throw in the towel and I ask them to draw the problem, as they see it and, write down five adjectives to describe what they want for their relationship, they are both working together. They can "see" each other's point of view. They become aware of ways they have each hurt the other. They are surprised to see they want the same things: more time together, laughing, sex and less fighting. It's way easier to move forward when everyone is literally "on the same page".
Creative expression is cathartic. A young boy, diagnosed with ADHD, who is overwhelmed by his mother's anxiety, his father's anger and his brother's physical disabilities can pound the clay until it becomes soft and, relieved and relaxed, sculpt it into something beautiful. A 65 year old woman suffering from chronic pain can fill a body outline with various colours and textures and come face to face with the abortion she had 40 years ago. She cries and writes a letter to her unborn child and burns the outline, releasing her trauma. She leaves feeling lighter and "looser" in her body.
Creativity can help a group bond in a short amount of time. I see this in my groups. There is mutual support and compassion as they share how each person deals with the same issue. Feeling compassion for someone else with the same challenges engenders compassion for yourself as well. The art is also a safe place to plant the seeds of dreams for the future. Occasionally, I'll ask groups to create a collage of their ideal life in five years from now. They cut out images from magazines, write colourful words all around the images or affirmations. I then ask them to think of a song that represents the feeling state of this image. There is much giggling as they come up with quirky or sexy songs. The song helps them tap into this feeling state in the future, reminding them that they are on a path and they have already selected a destination.
Art therapy is the interaction between a compassionate professional, a brave, willing client and art materials. The materials have their own energy and appeal to different people. My role is to offer a safe place for people to connect with their own wisdom through non-verbal, creative expression. Their wisdom and intuition will lead them in the right direction. I get to witness their courage, their beauty and, ultimately, their healing.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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