October 7th, 2016
Yesterday was a packed day! So much has happened since I posted my invitation to mothers everywhere and anywhere to share their stories. I received messages on Facebook from women I knew. I also received e-mails from complete strangers giving me a sneak peek at their experiences.
This morning, I met with my friend Chris. We try to go for a walk every Friday. She was telling me that she is noticing a great deal of loneliness and self doubt in many women in their 40s. This worries her. This was an interesting comment because I was thinking about self-doubt this morning as I prepared for my day. I have a list of women who came forward to participate in my Mommy Monologues project. Every woman wrote something along the lines of; "I don't know if you'll want my story in your book but here's what happened to me and I would be willing to tell you all about it if you want to hear it". These women had all been through important experiences to share yet their first thought was that I might not want to include their story.
This echoed another experience I've had in individual work with women. They will ask me for a smaller piece of paper because they don't want to take up that much space. They fear making a mess in my shop and immediately clean up after themselves. They warn me not to pour out too much paint into their tray because they don't want to waste products.
When I am working in groups, the women praise the other participants. "Wow, you are so strong, I couldn't have done that". or "Are you kidding me, you are amazing, I haven't done anything". This dance of praising others while humbling ourselves is present in every group I run. Why is it so difficult to recognize and affirm our worth?
As Chris and I discussed this loss of worth, we talked about the power dynamics in relationships where the man is the main breadwinner. If you pause your career for a few years to take care of your children, you work very hard every day completing invisible tasks; cooking, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, planning, organizing etc but you are not paid for any of these tasks, they need to repeated over and over again and, after a while, people stop appreciating them, they take you for granted. You also stop noticing all the things you do. If you were a career woman, you may feel the loss of earning your own income and of feeling independent. If your role is not valued, you forget your worth and downplay all the actions you take every day within your role. You become invisible.
You are more than the money you make. You are a worthwhile person just for being you. I love Louise Hay's mirror work. She asks her clients to sit in front of a full length mirror and practice saying kind things to themselves. Try it out. Sit in front of the biggest mirror you can find and express your love and respect for yourself. Louise encourages women to say their name followed by "I Love You"! Write a list of your strengths and qualities (at least ten) and say to yourself, "I am..." as you go through each one. If you can't come up with ten strengths and qualities, ask your loved ones to help with your list. You might be surprised by what they say.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label respect. Show all posts
Showing posts with label respect. Show all posts
Friday, 7 October 2016
Monday, 3 October 2016
Book of the Week-Love Warrior
October 3rd, 2016
My mother and I met at Bayshore last Thursday. She told me she was done reading this book so I could have it. I was in the middle of another book but she said there was no rush, "Just take the book and read it when you have time". I was intrigued by this book. I started reading it that very afternoon.
What a roller coaster ride! I couldn't put it down. It is a memoir, the real story of Glennon who has a perfect childhood and finds herself disconnecting from her body at the age of ten. She numbs herself with food and develops an eating disorder. She numbs herself with alcohol and later drugs. She also has sex without any connection to her body or the people who are using it.
No one is able to reach her and help her until she gets pregnant. This is a turning point for her. She never loved herself enough to take care of herself but she can stop drinking and drugging in order to ensure a healthy pregnancy. Her boyfriend marries her. They have a few decent years in the cocoon of their family. Then, they grow apart as they each pull away from the other. When she finds out that her husband has betrayed her, Glennon must decide whether she will ever trust him again and if she even wants to try.
As Glennon and her husband work on their relationship, we learn a great deal about what it means to be authentic, to be real with one another. Glenn takes us along on her exploration of who she is and her discovery of what it means to be someone's intimate partner. She learns to love and accept herself and shed her masks. She connects with her body and discovers intimacy.
This is a truly brave, raw, honest look at her relationship with her Self, her Source, her children and her husband. It is inspiring because what she learns is something we can all apply to our lives and relationships. Here is what I have learned from Glennon:
1-Breathe and pay attention to the still voice inside you
2-You are loved and perfect as you are, nothing you can do will make you more loveable or less loveable
3-When you enter a relationship, both of you are loved and perfect, you can help each other grow by communicating honestly with each other and being present to one another
4-You need to identify your needs, respect them, take care of yourself and, ask your partner for what you need from him/her
5-You can be real and leave your representative (fake self behind)
6-You are a soul, a mind and a body, embrace all three aspects of yourself
7-When something happens to someone, the best thing you can do is acknowledge their pain and offer to be present (not fix or compare to someone else's story)
8-Be prepared to fully live this life, this means you will experience pain at times but you are a Warrior and you will survive it
9-Teach your children that they are loved and perfect as they are, show them how to express love in the world
10-We all suffer, don't pretend with others, be real and they can be real with you, no need to be lonely, reach out and tell the truth
This is one of those books that I inhaled. I will need to go over it again, slowly, because there is so much to learn from it. I feel inspired! If you are looking for a life-changing book, read this one.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
My mother and I met at Bayshore last Thursday. She told me she was done reading this book so I could have it. I was in the middle of another book but she said there was no rush, "Just take the book and read it when you have time". I was intrigued by this book. I started reading it that very afternoon.
What a roller coaster ride! I couldn't put it down. It is a memoir, the real story of Glennon who has a perfect childhood and finds herself disconnecting from her body at the age of ten. She numbs herself with food and develops an eating disorder. She numbs herself with alcohol and later drugs. She also has sex without any connection to her body or the people who are using it.
No one is able to reach her and help her until she gets pregnant. This is a turning point for her. She never loved herself enough to take care of herself but she can stop drinking and drugging in order to ensure a healthy pregnancy. Her boyfriend marries her. They have a few decent years in the cocoon of their family. Then, they grow apart as they each pull away from the other. When she finds out that her husband has betrayed her, Glennon must decide whether she will ever trust him again and if she even wants to try.
As Glennon and her husband work on their relationship, we learn a great deal about what it means to be authentic, to be real with one another. Glenn takes us along on her exploration of who she is and her discovery of what it means to be someone's intimate partner. She learns to love and accept herself and shed her masks. She connects with her body and discovers intimacy.
This is a truly brave, raw, honest look at her relationship with her Self, her Source, her children and her husband. It is inspiring because what she learns is something we can all apply to our lives and relationships. Here is what I have learned from Glennon:
1-Breathe and pay attention to the still voice inside you
2-You are loved and perfect as you are, nothing you can do will make you more loveable or less loveable
3-When you enter a relationship, both of you are loved and perfect, you can help each other grow by communicating honestly with each other and being present to one another
4-You need to identify your needs, respect them, take care of yourself and, ask your partner for what you need from him/her
5-You can be real and leave your representative (fake self behind)
6-You are a soul, a mind and a body, embrace all three aspects of yourself
7-When something happens to someone, the best thing you can do is acknowledge their pain and offer to be present (not fix or compare to someone else's story)
8-Be prepared to fully live this life, this means you will experience pain at times but you are a Warrior and you will survive it
9-Teach your children that they are loved and perfect as they are, show them how to express love in the world
10-We all suffer, don't pretend with others, be real and they can be real with you, no need to be lonely, reach out and tell the truth
This is one of those books that I inhaled. I will need to go over it again, slowly, because there is so much to learn from it. I feel inspired! If you are looking for a life-changing book, read this one.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 7 June 2016
Quality of Life
June 7th, 2016
Years ago, I was hired to complete quality of life surveys in Chronic Care Hospitals throughout Ontario. I loved this work because I got to sit with patients and talk for a bit before and after each survey. They would tell me why they were there and what they missed about being healthy and at home. I got to learn from them what made their stay at the hospital more tolerable. There were hospitals where staff welcomed us and others where we were definitely not wanted. I could get a sense of each unit by the way staff interacted, or failed to interact, with the patients. I saw a lot of lonely individuals but I was also impressed with their resilience. Some people remained optimistic despite really tragic situations.
One of the favorite parts of my job was the challenge of communicating with individuals whose ability to speak was impaired. Some people had computers attached to their wheelchairs. They would move their eyes, tongues or fingers and the computer would type a message. In some cases what they wrote would be spoken out loud by the computer. I would scroll through the lists of names that were deemed unable to complete the interview and I would visit these patients. We would usually find a way to complete the interview which thrilled me. It came down to decoding their language. I would ask Yes/No questions then encourage them to blink, look up or down, stick out their tongue, lift a finger or raise eyebrows in order to say yes. I think these interactions led me to my future career in art therapy. I was so moved by the experience of understanding someone's language, of knowing that this person's voice was heard despite the challenges we faced. Art therapy also gives a voice to individuals who feel invisible, mute or otherwise limited in their ability to express themselves.
I was touched by the simple things that improved quality of life-privacy (knock before you enter a room), kindness (staff who spoke to them and made eye contact every time they entered their room to administer care), connection (having opportunities to interact with others through recreational programs or volunteer visits) and dignity (being treated with respect, not like a number or an inanimate object). There was a really intelligent woman paralyzed from the neck down. She missed having intellectual stimulation. In my time with her we found a wand that she could wear with a band strapped to her head. We could obtain a book holder and use the wand to turn the pages as she read books. She was ecstatic at the thought of reading again. I had suggested audio books initially but she was visual and the audio books did not engage her, she would fall asleep. I thought about this woman for some time after our interview. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a perfectly functional brain but an unresponsive body-to have all these ideas and never be able to act on them.
When I wrote my art therapy thesis, I examined the factors that contribute to quality of life and mental health for older adults living in long term care. My goal was to link self-expression through art therapy to each factor. I can now see how each factor would be challenged during a hospital stay.
You are admitted to the hospital because you are no longer able to function the way you used to, you are cut off from your neighbourhood, family and friends, you depend on others for food, hygiene, entertainment, you have less control over your life and you don't have a well-defined purpose when you get up in the morning.
Once in a while, when I feel bummed by events in my life, I remind myself that I am so very lucky that I can get up on my own, drive where I want to go, eat, make plans, choose the activities that fill my day and interact with many lovely individuals along the way.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Years ago, I was hired to complete quality of life surveys in Chronic Care Hospitals throughout Ontario. I loved this work because I got to sit with patients and talk for a bit before and after each survey. They would tell me why they were there and what they missed about being healthy and at home. I got to learn from them what made their stay at the hospital more tolerable. There were hospitals where staff welcomed us and others where we were definitely not wanted. I could get a sense of each unit by the way staff interacted, or failed to interact, with the patients. I saw a lot of lonely individuals but I was also impressed with their resilience. Some people remained optimistic despite really tragic situations.
One of the favorite parts of my job was the challenge of communicating with individuals whose ability to speak was impaired. Some people had computers attached to their wheelchairs. They would move their eyes, tongues or fingers and the computer would type a message. In some cases what they wrote would be spoken out loud by the computer. I would scroll through the lists of names that were deemed unable to complete the interview and I would visit these patients. We would usually find a way to complete the interview which thrilled me. It came down to decoding their language. I would ask Yes/No questions then encourage them to blink, look up or down, stick out their tongue, lift a finger or raise eyebrows in order to say yes. I think these interactions led me to my future career in art therapy. I was so moved by the experience of understanding someone's language, of knowing that this person's voice was heard despite the challenges we faced. Art therapy also gives a voice to individuals who feel invisible, mute or otherwise limited in their ability to express themselves.
I was touched by the simple things that improved quality of life-privacy (knock before you enter a room), kindness (staff who spoke to them and made eye contact every time they entered their room to administer care), connection (having opportunities to interact with others through recreational programs or volunteer visits) and dignity (being treated with respect, not like a number or an inanimate object). There was a really intelligent woman paralyzed from the neck down. She missed having intellectual stimulation. In my time with her we found a wand that she could wear with a band strapped to her head. We could obtain a book holder and use the wand to turn the pages as she read books. She was ecstatic at the thought of reading again. I had suggested audio books initially but she was visual and the audio books did not engage her, she would fall asleep. I thought about this woman for some time after our interview. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a perfectly functional brain but an unresponsive body-to have all these ideas and never be able to act on them.
When I wrote my art therapy thesis, I examined the factors that contribute to quality of life and mental health for older adults living in long term care. My goal was to link self-expression through art therapy to each factor. I can now see how each factor would be challenged during a hospital stay.
You are admitted to the hospital because you are no longer able to function the way you used to, you are cut off from your neighbourhood, family and friends, you depend on others for food, hygiene, entertainment, you have less control over your life and you don't have a well-defined purpose when you get up in the morning.
Once in a while, when I feel bummed by events in my life, I remind myself that I am so very lucky that I can get up on my own, drive where I want to go, eat, make plans, choose the activities that fill my day and interact with many lovely individuals along the way.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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