June 14th, 2016
Last night, I rented out a movie from the North Grenville Library. My friend Chris recommended it. The girls were at gymnastics with my husband so I had the whole house to myself. I prepared a lovely bath and settled in to watch this documentary.
Sarah Polley, the film director, interviews her family members. They are all reminiscing about Sarah's mother. The two older sons, from her mother's first marriage, give her a less-than-flattering review about their mother. Later, we witness the pain behind the anger of each son. They were raised by their father when their mother left them to pursue a love life with another man. There is a hint that their father was not a safe person when one of the boys states: "Surely she must have realized that leaving us meant she could no longer protect us".
Sarah's sisters came from the mother's union with her second husband. He was an actor. She fell in love with the character he was playing and, therefore, was disappointed when he turned out to be less exciting than she had imagined. They married and had children together but she was thirsty for life and exhausted this man who preferred to be left alone. He did not provide the attention and romance she so longed for. When an opportunity came up to go to Montreal to be in a play, she jumped at the chance. Her husband encouraged her to go to Montreal, desperate for some respite.
Sarah's mom met her father while acting in Montreal. They had a passionate affair and Sarah was conceived. When Sarah's mother passed away, it was her father who raised her. They were alone in the house and became very close. There were rumours that Sarah's father was not the man she loved but another man who lived in Montreal. She went about finding out who he was. When she did find her biological father, he told her about his affair with her mother. They developed their relationship and Sarah told the family about him but she did not tell her father. She feared that it would break his heart.
When a reporter discovered that Sarah's father was not her biological father, he decided to write about it and this forced Sarah to tell her father the secret about his paternity. This revelation brought them even closer. This is such an interesting documentary because it is really the story of one woman, Sarah's mother as told by different individuals who each loved her in their own way.
Each family has a story that they agree on, they fan the flames of this story because it binds them together. In private, in their own families, with their partners and children, they elaborate on this story, focusing on the elements that portray them in a certain way. They may see themselves as the peacemaker, the black sheep, the voice of truth, the one who broke the cycle, the caregiver etc.
If you could be a fly on the wall in the home of each family member, you could hear each interpretation of their family of origin. There would be a variety of alliances among family members who share common recollections. In families with multiple siblings, there is usually one person who sees one or both parents differently. This can cause conflicts and alienation within the family. All of this is heightened when a loved one dies.
In order to explore how this plays out in your own family, start by listing the names of family members in a circle from eldest to youngest (including parents), in a clockwise direction. Under each family name, write one sentence that would sum up their view of the family. If you're not sure, ask them to sum it up for you using five words or less. Then create lines between family members who have a strong alliance. One family member might have multiple alliances. Then draw jagged or pointy lines between family members who do not speak to each other, fight a lot or generally don't get along. Use a triangle to show triangulations among family members (when family members join forces against another family member).
Where are you in this system? How did your alliances and coalitions take place? What is the source of your conflict with other family members? How are these dynamics played out in other areas of your life? What is the story you tell yourself in order to make sense of it all and preserve your sense of self? This is a fascinating exercise and it forces you to accept, if only for a moment, that there may be more to other family members than what you see and, that your story is not the only one-the right one. There are many interpretations, each with a grain of truth. Happy digging!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label narrative. Show all posts
Showing posts with label narrative. Show all posts
Tuesday, 14 June 2016
Tuesday, 12 January 2016
Creativity-Art Therapy
January 12th 2016
I've received a few e-mails asking me to define art therapy. I wrote about residents with dementia yesterday and people were asking what this work is all about. Art therapy is a professional counselling service, using various forms of creativity to help people heal through self-expression, insight and self-awareness, self-exploration, intuition, experimentation and the externalization of painful life experiences for which there are no words.
I initially trained as a verbal therapist at Ottawa University. I was fascinated by the way people process experiences and develop coping strategies. You can listen to someone's story and pinpoint the moment when they adopted behaviours that now define them. There is a reason for everything we do. The problem is we are not always aware of the things we do that get in our own way. Our friends and family who can observe us objectively have more insight into our behaviours and patterns. However, in order to protect us from this harsh truth, they often do not point them out to us. We keep repeating the same patterns with different people, frustrated and confused. We go to see a verbal therapist and try to sort it all out.
As a verbal therapist, I witnessed how often clients would walk in, tell me a myriad of stories which I would dutifully write down and respond to my questions as we progressed, putting together the various pieces of the puzzle. I felt quite satisfied with our work and my supervisor was pleased. By the third session, I would see the same pattern repeating itself. I would think, "We've already talked about this. She had that breakthrough last week. I thought she wasn't going to do that anymore". I talked to my supervisor who didn't share my concern. I realized I could not do this for a living. I need to see progress, not temporary progress but permanent change.
I read about art therapy and was immediately smitten with the connection it creates in people. Women who came in to talk about their painful issues could repeat their stories, without emotion, word for word. They had seen many therapists before and they knew their story like the back of their hand. Listening to the stories may have helped temporarily as I expressed compassion and responded to what they were saying, they were being heard. However, I expected more from therapy. Art therapy uses creative expression as well as verbal communication. The client is active from the very start. Clients choose the art materials, what to draw or paint, how much talking they want to engage in and, whether they want to talk as they create or only talk or only create or create then talk.
The art contains emotions. When working with my Survivors of Sexual Abuse group, I may start with a clay activity. I ask the participants to create a container, a receptacle to hold the overwhelming fears, emotions and memories for them. The art can be a mirror, showing me how a person responds to situations or how clients perceive themselves. An example of this would be the gentleman who'd suffered a stroke and struggled to create a portrait of a beautiful woman. He couldn't get her features right, they were not symmetrical and looked stretched. This clearly reflected his own frustrations about his face, he had lost control over one side of his body, the same side that was "not looking right" in the portrait. Lots of women criticize their work. As they paint or draw or sculpt, their inner monologue is externalized. "This looks dumb, I suck at this, a child could have done better". This allows me to question them about this monologue, to wonder where this voice came from and how much more fun this would be without the interruptions and judgements of this voice, It is the same voice that is interfering in other aspects of their lives.
Creative expression is very intimate and emotional. It cuts through the story to the core. The story about how many men have mistreated them turns into an image of a child crouching in the corner. Who is this child? The client recognizes herself as a child, hiding from her abusive father. There is a direct emotional connection, emotions are released. We get curious about what that child needs. Safety. We explore all the possible ways the client can provide safety for her inner child. There is a lot of guilt associated with the various ways this child has been neglected by her adult self, placed in dangerous situations, repeating the trauma. The client signs a contract, vowing to keep herself safe and eliminate people and behaviours that put her at risk. This is powerful work.
Creativity can also empower clients by serving as a tool for communication. When a couple comes in because they are ready to throw in the towel and I ask them to draw the problem, as they see it and, write down five adjectives to describe what they want for their relationship, they are both working together. They can "see" each other's point of view. They become aware of ways they have each hurt the other. They are surprised to see they want the same things: more time together, laughing, sex and less fighting. It's way easier to move forward when everyone is literally "on the same page".
Creative expression is cathartic. A young boy, diagnosed with ADHD, who is overwhelmed by his mother's anxiety, his father's anger and his brother's physical disabilities can pound the clay until it becomes soft and, relieved and relaxed, sculpt it into something beautiful. A 65 year old woman suffering from chronic pain can fill a body outline with various colours and textures and come face to face with the abortion she had 40 years ago. She cries and writes a letter to her unborn child and burns the outline, releasing her trauma. She leaves feeling lighter and "looser" in her body.
Creativity can help a group bond in a short amount of time. I see this in my groups. There is mutual support and compassion as they share how each person deals with the same issue. Feeling compassion for someone else with the same challenges engenders compassion for yourself as well. The art is also a safe place to plant the seeds of dreams for the future. Occasionally, I'll ask groups to create a collage of their ideal life in five years from now. They cut out images from magazines, write colourful words all around the images or affirmations. I then ask them to think of a song that represents the feeling state of this image. There is much giggling as they come up with quirky or sexy songs. The song helps them tap into this feeling state in the future, reminding them that they are on a path and they have already selected a destination.
Art therapy is the interaction between a compassionate professional, a brave, willing client and art materials. The materials have their own energy and appeal to different people. My role is to offer a safe place for people to connect with their own wisdom through non-verbal, creative expression. Their wisdom and intuition will lead them in the right direction. I get to witness their courage, their beauty and, ultimately, their healing.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I've received a few e-mails asking me to define art therapy. I wrote about residents with dementia yesterday and people were asking what this work is all about. Art therapy is a professional counselling service, using various forms of creativity to help people heal through self-expression, insight and self-awareness, self-exploration, intuition, experimentation and the externalization of painful life experiences for which there are no words.
I initially trained as a verbal therapist at Ottawa University. I was fascinated by the way people process experiences and develop coping strategies. You can listen to someone's story and pinpoint the moment when they adopted behaviours that now define them. There is a reason for everything we do. The problem is we are not always aware of the things we do that get in our own way. Our friends and family who can observe us objectively have more insight into our behaviours and patterns. However, in order to protect us from this harsh truth, they often do not point them out to us. We keep repeating the same patterns with different people, frustrated and confused. We go to see a verbal therapist and try to sort it all out.
As a verbal therapist, I witnessed how often clients would walk in, tell me a myriad of stories which I would dutifully write down and respond to my questions as we progressed, putting together the various pieces of the puzzle. I felt quite satisfied with our work and my supervisor was pleased. By the third session, I would see the same pattern repeating itself. I would think, "We've already talked about this. She had that breakthrough last week. I thought she wasn't going to do that anymore". I talked to my supervisor who didn't share my concern. I realized I could not do this for a living. I need to see progress, not temporary progress but permanent change.
I read about art therapy and was immediately smitten with the connection it creates in people. Women who came in to talk about their painful issues could repeat their stories, without emotion, word for word. They had seen many therapists before and they knew their story like the back of their hand. Listening to the stories may have helped temporarily as I expressed compassion and responded to what they were saying, they were being heard. However, I expected more from therapy. Art therapy uses creative expression as well as verbal communication. The client is active from the very start. Clients choose the art materials, what to draw or paint, how much talking they want to engage in and, whether they want to talk as they create or only talk or only create or create then talk.
The art contains emotions. When working with my Survivors of Sexual Abuse group, I may start with a clay activity. I ask the participants to create a container, a receptacle to hold the overwhelming fears, emotions and memories for them. The art can be a mirror, showing me how a person responds to situations or how clients perceive themselves. An example of this would be the gentleman who'd suffered a stroke and struggled to create a portrait of a beautiful woman. He couldn't get her features right, they were not symmetrical and looked stretched. This clearly reflected his own frustrations about his face, he had lost control over one side of his body, the same side that was "not looking right" in the portrait. Lots of women criticize their work. As they paint or draw or sculpt, their inner monologue is externalized. "This looks dumb, I suck at this, a child could have done better". This allows me to question them about this monologue, to wonder where this voice came from and how much more fun this would be without the interruptions and judgements of this voice, It is the same voice that is interfering in other aspects of their lives.
Creative expression is very intimate and emotional. It cuts through the story to the core. The story about how many men have mistreated them turns into an image of a child crouching in the corner. Who is this child? The client recognizes herself as a child, hiding from her abusive father. There is a direct emotional connection, emotions are released. We get curious about what that child needs. Safety. We explore all the possible ways the client can provide safety for her inner child. There is a lot of guilt associated with the various ways this child has been neglected by her adult self, placed in dangerous situations, repeating the trauma. The client signs a contract, vowing to keep herself safe and eliminate people and behaviours that put her at risk. This is powerful work.
Creativity can also empower clients by serving as a tool for communication. When a couple comes in because they are ready to throw in the towel and I ask them to draw the problem, as they see it and, write down five adjectives to describe what they want for their relationship, they are both working together. They can "see" each other's point of view. They become aware of ways they have each hurt the other. They are surprised to see they want the same things: more time together, laughing, sex and less fighting. It's way easier to move forward when everyone is literally "on the same page".
Creative expression is cathartic. A young boy, diagnosed with ADHD, who is overwhelmed by his mother's anxiety, his father's anger and his brother's physical disabilities can pound the clay until it becomes soft and, relieved and relaxed, sculpt it into something beautiful. A 65 year old woman suffering from chronic pain can fill a body outline with various colours and textures and come face to face with the abortion she had 40 years ago. She cries and writes a letter to her unborn child and burns the outline, releasing her trauma. She leaves feeling lighter and "looser" in her body.
Creativity can help a group bond in a short amount of time. I see this in my groups. There is mutual support and compassion as they share how each person deals with the same issue. Feeling compassion for someone else with the same challenges engenders compassion for yourself as well. The art is also a safe place to plant the seeds of dreams for the future. Occasionally, I'll ask groups to create a collage of their ideal life in five years from now. They cut out images from magazines, write colourful words all around the images or affirmations. I then ask them to think of a song that represents the feeling state of this image. There is much giggling as they come up with quirky or sexy songs. The song helps them tap into this feeling state in the future, reminding them that they are on a path and they have already selected a destination.
Art therapy is the interaction between a compassionate professional, a brave, willing client and art materials. The materials have their own energy and appeal to different people. My role is to offer a safe place for people to connect with their own wisdom through non-verbal, creative expression. Their wisdom and intuition will lead them in the right direction. I get to witness their courage, their beauty and, ultimately, their healing.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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