November 30th, 2016
I don't recall reading The Secret when it first came out. I saw a video and heard people talking about it. I did read The Magic which teaches us to be grateful as a way to elevate our frequency in order to manifest our goals. I did The Magic's 28 day challenge and I was amazed at how my life changed. I would get up every day and write ten things I was grateful for in my journal. The key was to not only write what I was thankful for but why. The why helps you feel the emotion behind your gratitude. So, writing that I am happy to be healthy becomes more concrete when I write that my health allows me to be present for my children, take care of them and watch them grow up. I also got into the habit of writing Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! after each gratitude. There was a different energy to my life during those 28 days. I had just released my Have You Hugged Your Alien? book, it was self-published and I only ordered a small quantity because I was basically printing copies for myself, to use during workshops and sell to teachers. The book exploded, I sold out, parents, teachers and therapists were ordering it and my workshops took off. I was invited to speak on radio and tv shows and I was totally unprepared.
I got very busy and, even though I always end the day giving thanks for whatever happened that day, I fell out of the habit of weaving gratitude into my every day life. How The Secret Changed My Life by Rhonda Byrne, caught my attention. The cover had the trademark wax seal with the letter S stamped in the middle. I immediately recognized it and purchased the book. As I read stories of people who had stories similar to the one I had a few years ago, I felt my own energy start to fine tune itself. I was feeling that electric surge again. Things in my life were getting easier. I coupled the journalling about what I am grateful for with my vision for 2017.
This past fall, I attended a publishing bootcamp and was taught to write my "heart's desire" list every day. I repeat many of the same items every day. There is usually a new item or something gets re-worded but it's generally the same idea. You write your list in the present tense as if it has already happened. You focus only on what you want to attract into your life. The list should be as specific as possible.
The Secret taught me to really experience the items on my list, thinking about how it would feel, smell, look and sound to manifest this. So I create vision boards, write affirmations and design visualizations of my life in 2017. How The Secret Changed My Life came into my life at the best time. I am working on my new book, The Mommy Monologues. I need to feel confident that people will come forward to share their stories and that my book will get published. I have no idea how people will hear about my book or how it will make it to the bestseller's list but I don't have to worry about the "how". For now, I picture the book in my hands by Mother's Day 2017. I see it as a bestseller. I imagine myself donating funds to two charities that are on my mind and in line with the message in the book.
Practicing gratitude, having a plan and anticipating how great it will feel to reach my goals is not difficult and doesn't require that much energy. I can, however, attest to the shift that happens when I apply these practices. I feel happier, my relationships are more positive and, through synchronicity, I seem to meet the right people at the right time. Works for me!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Wednesday, 30 November 2016
Tuesday, 20 September 2016
Tree House
September 20th, 2016
Have you ever dreamed of having your own tree house when you were a child? There seems to be a universal desire to hang out in a tree house. Perhaps you were one of the lucky ones who actually had a tree house.
I have always loved and coveted a tree house. As a child, I drew my ideal home as a tree house. It was sophisticated with a slide to exit through the back. I lived in apartments so I never owned one. I once searched for tree homes and found an astonishing amount of houses built in trees. Not plain wooden ones, we are talking luxurious, architecturally diverse homes.
Today, my husband and I built a tree house for our daughters. We spent three hours this afternoon using leftover renovation materials to build it. My husband didn't have a tree home growing up. We were both excited about this project. We excitedly started with the floor and frame, supports and walls. We rummaged through materials and made stuff up as we worked.
We work well together and, although the house is not complete, we have a pretty sturdy, fun-looking tree loft. The house has a floor, a ladder, three walls and we threw in some IKEA chairs at the last minute. We were so excited to see the girls' reactions as they got off the bus. They ran over and climbed in. My husband was waiting for them. I went in the house with their school bags and headed for the kitchen to grab some cold juices. I wasn't even done filling one juice container. The girls were back inside. I handed over the juices and asked if they had been in the tree house. They had. They went upstairs to play in their room.
I walked out and over to my husband. He was still working on the structure. I asked him what happened. He said they loved it. I was perplexed. Why aren't they still here? Apparently, because we placed the parachute on top of the structure, our eldest felt that it was too short for her, she couldn't stand up. I was disappointed. My husband and I kept working on bracing the sides for at least 30 minutes. As we worked, I realized this tree house was for our inner children. We were building this to satisfy our own needs. We were having fun. The fact that our daughters' reaction was less than enthusiastic did not curb our own excitement.
We love our little tree house. I hope the girls give it a chance and enjoy it for many years ahead. If they don't, my husband and I will.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Have you ever dreamed of having your own tree house when you were a child? There seems to be a universal desire to hang out in a tree house. Perhaps you were one of the lucky ones who actually had a tree house.
I have always loved and coveted a tree house. As a child, I drew my ideal home as a tree house. It was sophisticated with a slide to exit through the back. I lived in apartments so I never owned one. I once searched for tree homes and found an astonishing amount of houses built in trees. Not plain wooden ones, we are talking luxurious, architecturally diverse homes.
Today, my husband and I built a tree house for our daughters. We spent three hours this afternoon using leftover renovation materials to build it. My husband didn't have a tree home growing up. We were both excited about this project. We excitedly started with the floor and frame, supports and walls. We rummaged through materials and made stuff up as we worked.
We work well together and, although the house is not complete, we have a pretty sturdy, fun-looking tree loft. The house has a floor, a ladder, three walls and we threw in some IKEA chairs at the last minute. We were so excited to see the girls' reactions as they got off the bus. They ran over and climbed in. My husband was waiting for them. I went in the house with their school bags and headed for the kitchen to grab some cold juices. I wasn't even done filling one juice container. The girls were back inside. I handed over the juices and asked if they had been in the tree house. They had. They went upstairs to play in their room.
I walked out and over to my husband. He was still working on the structure. I asked him what happened. He said they loved it. I was perplexed. Why aren't they still here? Apparently, because we placed the parachute on top of the structure, our eldest felt that it was too short for her, she couldn't stand up. I was disappointed. My husband and I kept working on bracing the sides for at least 30 minutes. As we worked, I realized this tree house was for our inner children. We were building this to satisfy our own needs. We were having fun. The fact that our daughters' reaction was less than enthusiastic did not curb our own excitement.
We love our little tree house. I hope the girls give it a chance and enjoy it for many years ahead. If they don't, my husband and I will.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 11 May 2016
Book of the Week-The Happiness Equation by Neil Pasricha
May 11th, 2016
Prior to our trip, I ran out of time to go into town and purchase a book. The Happiness Equation caught my eye on a table at Walmart. It's a thick and heavy book, impractical for a trip but it appealed to me and I purchased it anyways.
I like to read when the Vincent and the girls have gone to bed. I curl up on the couch with a cosy blanket, enjoying the quiet. This book had me hooked from the start. It's filled with quirky little diagrams and observations.
Neil talks about this community that lives long, healthy, happy lives. The key is "Ikigai". They all have a sense of purpose, a reason to get up every day. I started to think about my Ikigai. My daughters are mine-loving them, nurturing them and teaching them the important stuff in life. What is your Ikigai?
The author then divides the week into three buckets of 56 hours: one for sleep, one for work and a third to pursue our passion. I was impressed with this, 56 hours per week to pursue my passion. That sounds like a lot! My passions are learning, reading, teaching, creating, writing, public speaking and offering art therapy workshops to children and adults.
In the book, Neil describes how being at work provides social interaction, structure, intellectual stimulation and a story (you are part of the company's story re: who they are and what they are trying to accomplish). He explains how our delusions about retirement being the golden years where we get to do nothing rob us of the four Ss (social, structure, stimulation and story). We are meant to keep working and if we love what we do then it doesn't feel like work.
He believes happiness is only 10% affected by our circumstances, the other 90% comes from our perception. He explains that we pursue success thinking it will make us happy but we need to focus on our happiness first. Neil differentiates between three types of success: making money, earning the respect of others and, feeling proud of ourselves. As long as we depend on others to feel successful, our achievements will never be enough. That's why it's so important to find our bliss and dive in, then we can feel fulfilled.
We are encouraged to achieve a more balanced life by dividing our time evenly between doing and resting. In order to make time to think, Neil recommends we limit the number of choices we make every day to avoid decision fatigue and use that energy constructively. He also believes we need tighter deadlines so we have no time to procrastinate. One of the ways he did this was having 5 minute speeches at his meetings. That way people would get to the point. Everyone felt that their time was well spent. He also proposes having some down time where you can not be reached or distracted so you can just feed your brain.
My favourite part of the book was the three tests on page 245. The point of these tests is to find your authentic self. The tests consist of three questions:
1) What would you do on a Saturday morning if you had no obligations (you are completely free to do what you'd like)?
2) How do you feel when you put yourself in a new situation?
3) Who are the five people closest to you and what do you love most about them?
Neil says the five regrets of the dying are all related to authenticity. It's important to be true to yourself in order to live a happy life. What keeps us from being authentic? Fear. That is why we are encouraged to take action every day. Is there something we can do, even something small to move towards happiness ad fulfillment? Do it. The more we do, the more confident we become in our ability to get things done.
This book really got me thinking and moving in the right direction. Here is another question for you to consider...If you did not need any money, what would you do with your time? Where would you be? Who would you spend time with? What activities would you continue to pursue? Can you find a way to bring this into your life now?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Prior to our trip, I ran out of time to go into town and purchase a book. The Happiness Equation caught my eye on a table at Walmart. It's a thick and heavy book, impractical for a trip but it appealed to me and I purchased it anyways.
I like to read when the Vincent and the girls have gone to bed. I curl up on the couch with a cosy blanket, enjoying the quiet. This book had me hooked from the start. It's filled with quirky little diagrams and observations.
Neil talks about this community that lives long, healthy, happy lives. The key is "Ikigai". They all have a sense of purpose, a reason to get up every day. I started to think about my Ikigai. My daughters are mine-loving them, nurturing them and teaching them the important stuff in life. What is your Ikigai?
The author then divides the week into three buckets of 56 hours: one for sleep, one for work and a third to pursue our passion. I was impressed with this, 56 hours per week to pursue my passion. That sounds like a lot! My passions are learning, reading, teaching, creating, writing, public speaking and offering art therapy workshops to children and adults.
In the book, Neil describes how being at work provides social interaction, structure, intellectual stimulation and a story (you are part of the company's story re: who they are and what they are trying to accomplish). He explains how our delusions about retirement being the golden years where we get to do nothing rob us of the four Ss (social, structure, stimulation and story). We are meant to keep working and if we love what we do then it doesn't feel like work.
He believes happiness is only 10% affected by our circumstances, the other 90% comes from our perception. He explains that we pursue success thinking it will make us happy but we need to focus on our happiness first. Neil differentiates between three types of success: making money, earning the respect of others and, feeling proud of ourselves. As long as we depend on others to feel successful, our achievements will never be enough. That's why it's so important to find our bliss and dive in, then we can feel fulfilled.
We are encouraged to achieve a more balanced life by dividing our time evenly between doing and resting. In order to make time to think, Neil recommends we limit the number of choices we make every day to avoid decision fatigue and use that energy constructively. He also believes we need tighter deadlines so we have no time to procrastinate. One of the ways he did this was having 5 minute speeches at his meetings. That way people would get to the point. Everyone felt that their time was well spent. He also proposes having some down time where you can not be reached or distracted so you can just feed your brain.
My favourite part of the book was the three tests on page 245. The point of these tests is to find your authentic self. The tests consist of three questions:
1) What would you do on a Saturday morning if you had no obligations (you are completely free to do what you'd like)?
2) How do you feel when you put yourself in a new situation?
3) Who are the five people closest to you and what do you love most about them?
Neil says the five regrets of the dying are all related to authenticity. It's important to be true to yourself in order to live a happy life. What keeps us from being authentic? Fear. That is why we are encouraged to take action every day. Is there something we can do, even something small to move towards happiness ad fulfillment? Do it. The more we do, the more confident we become in our ability to get things done.
This book really got me thinking and moving in the right direction. Here is another question for you to consider...If you did not need any money, what would you do with your time? Where would you be? Who would you spend time with? What activities would you continue to pursue? Can you find a way to bring this into your life now?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 8 March 2016
Book of the Week-Happiness The Mindful Way: a practical guide by Ken A. Verni
March 5th, 2016
My husband gave me a gift card for Indigo books on Valentine's Day. I really want to be a more focused, grounded, mindful person so when I visited the Indigo store in Barrhaven, I was searching for a book on mindfulness. Some of you may be thinking, you don't need a book about mindfulness, just sit down, be quiet and listen to your breath. This is true but my brain is more receptive to information presented in books. I absorb the information and then I am able to apply it. So, I got a book.
Happiness the Mindful Way is a very thorough book. I chose it because, when I looked at the Table of Contents, I knew I would learn something new.
The book teaches the basics of mindfulness. You learn to switch from doing (which we do most of the time in our race to get everything crossed off our "to-do" lists) to being (as in present in this moment). Ken Verni talks about the importance of acknowledging our thoughts then learning to sweep them away with an imaginary broom. For children, he suggests imagining that they are cats watching a mouse hole, each thought that pops up is a mouse and must be swatted. I like that metaphor.
Next, he turns to emotions and explains that we can notice the emotion and allow it to pass through us without identifying with it. We accept it with compassion. He provides a variety of ways to deal with stress, recognizing triggers and patterns. He also examines our concept of happiness and warns us that we often define our happiness as achieving some fantasy that we project into the future. This prevents us from recognizing happiness in our current life.
Then we learned a variety of mindfulness meditation techniques from focusing on the breath, concentrating on an object, noticing sensations with our five senses, scanning our body, walking meditation, becoming a sturdy mountain and, my new favorite, loving kindness meditation.
I just had a very busy week, preparing for a workshop with 25 teenagers while translation a newsletter for the Canadian Art Therapy Association. I was having issues with technology. You may notice typos as I have been unable to switch my computer back to English. I was very stressed. I tried getting five minutes of mindful breathing into the start of my day and focusing on gratitude through my Gratitude Jar which I started in January. However, the most helpful thing I did was try Loving Kindness meditation.
You start by sitting comfortably and focusing on your breath then you think to yourself: "May I experience loving kindness for myself. May I enjoy happiness, health and peace". That's it, you just sit with these two sentences in your mind and breathe. I felt so much more positive and at peace. The goal is to then entend this wish to others starting with people you love the most, then acquaintances and finally, people you do not like. I used it when my husband was behaving in a way I did not understand. I sent him love and my feelings eased up. Can you imagine how much better our world would be (or, on a smaller scale, our community) if everyone practised this meditation on a daily basis?
Here are the most helpful tips I learned from this book:
You can be mindful anywhere (sitting in a chair, taking your shower, driving somewhere)
Intruding thoughts and strong emotions should not be repressed, embrace them and let them go
Send love to yourself as often as you can, it makes you a better person, more compassionate
Send love to others, including people you don't like, it releases you from the energy that bonds you to them.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul@ripnet.com
My husband gave me a gift card for Indigo books on Valentine's Day. I really want to be a more focused, grounded, mindful person so when I visited the Indigo store in Barrhaven, I was searching for a book on mindfulness. Some of you may be thinking, you don't need a book about mindfulness, just sit down, be quiet and listen to your breath. This is true but my brain is more receptive to information presented in books. I absorb the information and then I am able to apply it. So, I got a book.
Happiness the Mindful Way is a very thorough book. I chose it because, when I looked at the Table of Contents, I knew I would learn something new.
The book teaches the basics of mindfulness. You learn to switch from doing (which we do most of the time in our race to get everything crossed off our "to-do" lists) to being (as in present in this moment). Ken Verni talks about the importance of acknowledging our thoughts then learning to sweep them away with an imaginary broom. For children, he suggests imagining that they are cats watching a mouse hole, each thought that pops up is a mouse and must be swatted. I like that metaphor.
Next, he turns to emotions and explains that we can notice the emotion and allow it to pass through us without identifying with it. We accept it with compassion. He provides a variety of ways to deal with stress, recognizing triggers and patterns. He also examines our concept of happiness and warns us that we often define our happiness as achieving some fantasy that we project into the future. This prevents us from recognizing happiness in our current life.
Then we learned a variety of mindfulness meditation techniques from focusing on the breath, concentrating on an object, noticing sensations with our five senses, scanning our body, walking meditation, becoming a sturdy mountain and, my new favorite, loving kindness meditation.
I just had a very busy week, preparing for a workshop with 25 teenagers while translation a newsletter for the Canadian Art Therapy Association. I was having issues with technology. You may notice typos as I have been unable to switch my computer back to English. I was very stressed. I tried getting five minutes of mindful breathing into the start of my day and focusing on gratitude through my Gratitude Jar which I started in January. However, the most helpful thing I did was try Loving Kindness meditation.
You start by sitting comfortably and focusing on your breath then you think to yourself: "May I experience loving kindness for myself. May I enjoy happiness, health and peace". That's it, you just sit with these two sentences in your mind and breathe. I felt so much more positive and at peace. The goal is to then entend this wish to others starting with people you love the most, then acquaintances and finally, people you do not like. I used it when my husband was behaving in a way I did not understand. I sent him love and my feelings eased up. Can you imagine how much better our world would be (or, on a smaller scale, our community) if everyone practised this meditation on a daily basis?
Here are the most helpful tips I learned from this book:
You can be mindful anywhere (sitting in a chair, taking your shower, driving somewhere)
Intruding thoughts and strong emotions should not be repressed, embrace them and let them go
Send love to yourself as often as you can, it makes you a better person, more compassionate
Send love to others, including people you don't like, it releases you from the energy that bonds you to them.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul@ripnet.com
Wednesday, 10 February 2016
Pet Power
February 10th, 2016
Every morning I wake up to the clicking sound of our dog's nails on the wooden stairs as she comes up to greet us. Our golden lab, Sweetie, jumps onto the side of the bed and licks my hand. She jumps down and goes over to my husband, Vincent. She licks his face. One of us gets up with her. Her tail is wagging and she is just so happy to be alive. She follows us down the stairs. We let her out into the yard. When she returns, we pet her and give her a Milk bone. Then, she is off to wake up the girls. They are so excited to see her. They love watching her happy face as she tries to jump onto their bed (not going to happen). The girls pet and hug her. What a great way to wake up!
When it's time to get on the bus to school, Vincent takes the dog out with the girls. They often wish they could stay home. They hate wearing snow pants. They may be feeling quite grumpy. However, Vincent throws the ball countless times and the dog chases the ball and brings it back for more. They hide from the dog, behind our truck, and she barks at them to come out and play. They throw snowballs and watch her catch them, and eat them. All of her craziness makes our morning routine enjoyable. Her presence calms jangled nerves and makes everyone laugh.
When the girls come home after school, they see the dog and give her hugs. They look forward to seeing her and our cat, George. I never wanted a cat because I had only ever met cats who were unpredictable. I feared that our children would pull his tail and get their faces scratched. However, our cat is the mellowest cat ever! He should get an award for all that he endures. As soon as the girls walk into the house, they are looking for the cat. They pick him up and hug him. He is generally sleeping in a warm spot, his fur all dishevelled and warm. He hears the girls' squealing as they set eyes on him and he braces for impact. They pick him up, hug him, carry him (bottom's up), and pretend he is flying through the air like Super Cat. He hangs out, purring.
If one of the girls has had a bad day, she will spend extra time with the pets getting some quiet comfort before she is ready or willing to talk about her day. I feel so grateful for our pets. They bring love, comfort, predictability, fun and calm into our home and our lives. When the girls have friends over, they always want to play with our cat because he is so calm. They also love the playful energy from our dog. The pets make our house feel like a home.
We overlook the importance of pets not only to provide a sense of safety to children but also to get us out of the house for exercise and, to give children an opportunity to care for another human being. The girls love giving our dog her Milk bone on weekends or filling her water bowl or brushing the cat's fur. They love getting the pets a treat or a new toy at the store. They enjoy taking the dog to a nearby trail. There is lots of excitement and giggling on the way to the park.
When I take the girls out to toboggan, the dog bites the tip of the sled and pulls the girls all over the hill. When we eat outside, the dog entertains us as she does a number of tricks, hoping that someone will throw a piece of steak or corn on the cob her way. When it's bath time and the girls don't want to get in the bath, I can always count on Sweetie to break the ice by trying to be the first one in. When the girls hate their supper, they know they can get the dog to eat whatever gets slipped under the table. (I wish I'd had a dog when I was growing up). In pretty much every memory there is the dog and, none of it would be as fun without her. Thank you to both our pets, Sweetie Pie and George, for making our lives happier and fuller.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Every morning I wake up to the clicking sound of our dog's nails on the wooden stairs as she comes up to greet us. Our golden lab, Sweetie, jumps onto the side of the bed and licks my hand. She jumps down and goes over to my husband, Vincent. She licks his face. One of us gets up with her. Her tail is wagging and she is just so happy to be alive. She follows us down the stairs. We let her out into the yard. When she returns, we pet her and give her a Milk bone. Then, she is off to wake up the girls. They are so excited to see her. They love watching her happy face as she tries to jump onto their bed (not going to happen). The girls pet and hug her. What a great way to wake up!
When it's time to get on the bus to school, Vincent takes the dog out with the girls. They often wish they could stay home. They hate wearing snow pants. They may be feeling quite grumpy. However, Vincent throws the ball countless times and the dog chases the ball and brings it back for more. They hide from the dog, behind our truck, and she barks at them to come out and play. They throw snowballs and watch her catch them, and eat them. All of her craziness makes our morning routine enjoyable. Her presence calms jangled nerves and makes everyone laugh.
When the girls come home after school, they see the dog and give her hugs. They look forward to seeing her and our cat, George. I never wanted a cat because I had only ever met cats who were unpredictable. I feared that our children would pull his tail and get their faces scratched. However, our cat is the mellowest cat ever! He should get an award for all that he endures. As soon as the girls walk into the house, they are looking for the cat. They pick him up and hug him. He is generally sleeping in a warm spot, his fur all dishevelled and warm. He hears the girls' squealing as they set eyes on him and he braces for impact. They pick him up, hug him, carry him (bottom's up), and pretend he is flying through the air like Super Cat. He hangs out, purring.
If one of the girls has had a bad day, she will spend extra time with the pets getting some quiet comfort before she is ready or willing to talk about her day. I feel so grateful for our pets. They bring love, comfort, predictability, fun and calm into our home and our lives. When the girls have friends over, they always want to play with our cat because he is so calm. They also love the playful energy from our dog. The pets make our house feel like a home.
We overlook the importance of pets not only to provide a sense of safety to children but also to get us out of the house for exercise and, to give children an opportunity to care for another human being. The girls love giving our dog her Milk bone on weekends or filling her water bowl or brushing the cat's fur. They love getting the pets a treat or a new toy at the store. They enjoy taking the dog to a nearby trail. There is lots of excitement and giggling on the way to the park.
When I take the girls out to toboggan, the dog bites the tip of the sled and pulls the girls all over the hill. When we eat outside, the dog entertains us as she does a number of tricks, hoping that someone will throw a piece of steak or corn on the cob her way. When it's bath time and the girls don't want to get in the bath, I can always count on Sweetie to break the ice by trying to be the first one in. When the girls hate their supper, they know they can get the dog to eat whatever gets slipped under the table. (I wish I'd had a dog when I was growing up). In pretty much every memory there is the dog and, none of it would be as fun without her. Thank you to both our pets, Sweetie Pie and George, for making our lives happier and fuller.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday, 31 January 2016
Date Night
January 31st
Just over ten years ago, Vincent and I became parents. Our youngest daughter's Godparents, the Braidecs, were at my husband's shop. They were celebrating their wedding anniversary. I can't remember which anniversary it was but they have been together a long time, with two happy, successful, adult children. I asked them for the secret to a long marriage. I was expecting something like communication, compassion, humour etc, the usuals. They said they always made a point of having a date, once a week. This can be challenging when the children are young but it's important.
To this day, Vincent and I have our date night every week. I truly do believe it has helped us stay connected through the tough times. When you have children, you form a triangle and, although you can all interact as a family, the focus of both parents is usually directed to the child. When you try to communicate as a couple, within the home, you can be interrupted so many times you never finish any of the topics. This can lead to frustration, miscommunication and alienation.
Also, because it's easy to get sucked into a routine where each partner has a role, unless a couple gets out of the house without children on a regular basis, when they finally end up alone together, they may no longer know how to connect. They suddenly feel like strangers and have nothing to say. Our dates allowed us to stay romantic. I would dress up every week. The girls loved watching me get changed out of my "mommy" clothes. They always suggested which dress to wear. It shows them what it's like to care for someone and want special time with them. They saw us as a united couple who went out and had fun together.
During our date nights, we could have fun, laugh about whatever had happened during the week or just enjoy each other's company the way we did before we became parents. Sometimes, when we were stressed and overwhelmed by our responsibilities, we might take each other for granted and communicate in gruff ways throughout the week. It was nice to go out and realize we were ok. Taken away from the context of "duties", our pace would resume and we could see beyond the stress of the week.
On a few occasions, we vented our frustrations in the car on the way to the restaurant. We could get everything out without worrying that the children could hear. We might stay in the car longer than anticipated but, in the end, we had cleared the air and we were able to progress. Going out regularly means you don't forget what it's like to enjoy being your spouse's partner. We have had amazing conversations in the car and at the restaurant. We are able to talk about what is happening in our life, what we have learned, what our goals are for the future etc.
Even though there were weeks that the girls begged me to stay home with them when they were younger, they now look forward to our date night because they love their babysitter, Lauren. When they were very young, our date may be the only outing I got all week. It felt good to dress up and enjoy my supper while it was still warm, to feel like a woman. We became regulars in some restaurants and developed friendships with wait staff, managers and restaurant owners. It was fun to get out, socialize and have a good laugh.
Our sense of humour has always been a big part of our relationship. Spending time together, relaxing, eating good food, chatting, joking around, holding hands, even kissing on the way to the car, all of it has helped to keep our relationship fresh and fun.
If you have young children and you need to bring some joy back in your life, follow these steps:
1-Make date night a priority.
2-Find reliable, responsible people to babysit. If you have no money to pay for a sitter, see if a friend with children will trade with you so they can go out as well. You could also eat at home after you put the kids to bed so you can talk and have a date alone.
3-You don't need to go somewhere fancy. Tim Hortons and Subway can work just as well as a fancy restaurant. The point is to have time together.
4-Don't use this time to complain, go over the honey-do list or stress out about bills. All of this can be done during the drive there if you absolutely need to discuss it. Once you get to the restaurant, switch to date mode.
5-Dress up for your date so you can feel sexy. Don't forget to notice how good your partner looks.
6-Take the opportunity to hold hands, sit close together and cuddle.
7-Don't invite others to join you unless you have other opportunities to go out together alone.
Enjoy!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Just over ten years ago, Vincent and I became parents. Our youngest daughter's Godparents, the Braidecs, were at my husband's shop. They were celebrating their wedding anniversary. I can't remember which anniversary it was but they have been together a long time, with two happy, successful, adult children. I asked them for the secret to a long marriage. I was expecting something like communication, compassion, humour etc, the usuals. They said they always made a point of having a date, once a week. This can be challenging when the children are young but it's important.
To this day, Vincent and I have our date night every week. I truly do believe it has helped us stay connected through the tough times. When you have children, you form a triangle and, although you can all interact as a family, the focus of both parents is usually directed to the child. When you try to communicate as a couple, within the home, you can be interrupted so many times you never finish any of the topics. This can lead to frustration, miscommunication and alienation.
Also, because it's easy to get sucked into a routine where each partner has a role, unless a couple gets out of the house without children on a regular basis, when they finally end up alone together, they may no longer know how to connect. They suddenly feel like strangers and have nothing to say. Our dates allowed us to stay romantic. I would dress up every week. The girls loved watching me get changed out of my "mommy" clothes. They always suggested which dress to wear. It shows them what it's like to care for someone and want special time with them. They saw us as a united couple who went out and had fun together.
During our date nights, we could have fun, laugh about whatever had happened during the week or just enjoy each other's company the way we did before we became parents. Sometimes, when we were stressed and overwhelmed by our responsibilities, we might take each other for granted and communicate in gruff ways throughout the week. It was nice to go out and realize we were ok. Taken away from the context of "duties", our pace would resume and we could see beyond the stress of the week.
On a few occasions, we vented our frustrations in the car on the way to the restaurant. We could get everything out without worrying that the children could hear. We might stay in the car longer than anticipated but, in the end, we had cleared the air and we were able to progress. Going out regularly means you don't forget what it's like to enjoy being your spouse's partner. We have had amazing conversations in the car and at the restaurant. We are able to talk about what is happening in our life, what we have learned, what our goals are for the future etc.
Even though there were weeks that the girls begged me to stay home with them when they were younger, they now look forward to our date night because they love their babysitter, Lauren. When they were very young, our date may be the only outing I got all week. It felt good to dress up and enjoy my supper while it was still warm, to feel like a woman. We became regulars in some restaurants and developed friendships with wait staff, managers and restaurant owners. It was fun to get out, socialize and have a good laugh.
Our sense of humour has always been a big part of our relationship. Spending time together, relaxing, eating good food, chatting, joking around, holding hands, even kissing on the way to the car, all of it has helped to keep our relationship fresh and fun.
If you have young children and you need to bring some joy back in your life, follow these steps:
1-Make date night a priority.
2-Find reliable, responsible people to babysit. If you have no money to pay for a sitter, see if a friend with children will trade with you so they can go out as well. You could also eat at home after you put the kids to bed so you can talk and have a date alone.
3-You don't need to go somewhere fancy. Tim Hortons and Subway can work just as well as a fancy restaurant. The point is to have time together.
4-Don't use this time to complain, go over the honey-do list or stress out about bills. All of this can be done during the drive there if you absolutely need to discuss it. Once you get to the restaurant, switch to date mode.
5-Dress up for your date so you can feel sexy. Don't forget to notice how good your partner looks.
6-Take the opportunity to hold hands, sit close together and cuddle.
7-Don't invite others to join you unless you have other opportunities to go out together alone.
Enjoy!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 29 January 2016
40+ year old woman-MG
January 29th 2016
For MG, the first 40 years of her life were amazing. She accomplished many of her goals and felt supported by her friends and family. She did not anticipate any changes as she reached her 40th birthday. She imagined that people who struggled with this milestone were those who were not enjoying their life. However, she was surprised when, three days after her 40th birthday, she felt like she'd been hit in the face by a sheet of plywood. She was having an identity crisis and she needed help. She spoke to her sister who suggested she seek professional support. That is exactly what she did.
MG realized that while she had accomplished a great deal, she was not fulfilling her own goals, rather, she was succumbing to the pressures of society; finding a partner and having children. She strived to "perform" in every aspect of her life. She started to question her values and realized she didn't know herself as well as she thought. It was difficult but, with support from her therapist, MG emerged from these dark years with more awareness and new tools. Her partner wondered if their relationship would survive but he stuck around and supported her. They have both grown through this process and are now a stronger couple. MG uncovered the key to happiness. She started doing things for herself because she wanted to do them. She discovered that others can't make you happy. This freed her to be with loved ones without unrealistic expectations.
She wouldn't change a thing about her life. She came from a big family with lots of boys and she feels this may have helped her succeed as an athlete. She believes the path she has travelled is exactly as it should be. If she could transfer her wisdom to younger women, her advice would be to stop relying on others for their own happiness. MG has noticed that we are often wounded by our expectations of others. Everyone should create their own happiness.
MG's pride and joy are her children who are now teenagers. She deduced that women change in their 40s because there is no time for awareness when they are younger. Young women seek to satisfy their parents, young adults are busy achieving goals on their career path, once they become someone's partner, they wish to please him and, as a mother, women forget all about themselves and their partners. As children grow up and become more independent, women become aware that they have time to reflect and they start to live more consciously.
MG has learned the art of self-care. When she doesn't listen to her needs, she becomes exhausted and she is unavailable to her partner and children. The biggest change in her over the years has been her level of conscious awareness. She used to function on auto-pilot going through her checklist of expectations; what a woman should do, check, what a mother should do, check, what a partner should do, check. She has since learned the importance of being selfish in a balanced way. If a woman wishes to be happy, finding time for herself is essential.
MG would love to help build the self-esteem and self-confidence of young girls. She feels that they can do anything as long as they believe in themselves. Armed with self-love, young girls will make excellent choices, reaching their goals and caring for themselves. MG feels grateful that she had positive female role-models. She learned that older women assert themselves, are authentic and, expect to be treated as equals. She saw her mother play a submissive role in her family and she was adamant about not taking on that role in her own life. She has high hopes for women.
Now MG takes time to participate in countless physical activities. She loves being in nature, it helps her to feel grounded. It helps her focus on what is important. She is grateful for the support of her sister and partner. She has taken charge of her life. She feels stronger, happier, more aware and, comfortable in her own skin.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
For MG, the first 40 years of her life were amazing. She accomplished many of her goals and felt supported by her friends and family. She did not anticipate any changes as she reached her 40th birthday. She imagined that people who struggled with this milestone were those who were not enjoying their life. However, she was surprised when, three days after her 40th birthday, she felt like she'd been hit in the face by a sheet of plywood. She was having an identity crisis and she needed help. She spoke to her sister who suggested she seek professional support. That is exactly what she did.
MG realized that while she had accomplished a great deal, she was not fulfilling her own goals, rather, she was succumbing to the pressures of society; finding a partner and having children. She strived to "perform" in every aspect of her life. She started to question her values and realized she didn't know herself as well as she thought. It was difficult but, with support from her therapist, MG emerged from these dark years with more awareness and new tools. Her partner wondered if their relationship would survive but he stuck around and supported her. They have both grown through this process and are now a stronger couple. MG uncovered the key to happiness. She started doing things for herself because she wanted to do them. She discovered that others can't make you happy. This freed her to be with loved ones without unrealistic expectations.
She wouldn't change a thing about her life. She came from a big family with lots of boys and she feels this may have helped her succeed as an athlete. She believes the path she has travelled is exactly as it should be. If she could transfer her wisdom to younger women, her advice would be to stop relying on others for their own happiness. MG has noticed that we are often wounded by our expectations of others. Everyone should create their own happiness.
MG's pride and joy are her children who are now teenagers. She deduced that women change in their 40s because there is no time for awareness when they are younger. Young women seek to satisfy their parents, young adults are busy achieving goals on their career path, once they become someone's partner, they wish to please him and, as a mother, women forget all about themselves and their partners. As children grow up and become more independent, women become aware that they have time to reflect and they start to live more consciously.
MG has learned the art of self-care. When she doesn't listen to her needs, she becomes exhausted and she is unavailable to her partner and children. The biggest change in her over the years has been her level of conscious awareness. She used to function on auto-pilot going through her checklist of expectations; what a woman should do, check, what a mother should do, check, what a partner should do, check. She has since learned the importance of being selfish in a balanced way. If a woman wishes to be happy, finding time for herself is essential.
MG would love to help build the self-esteem and self-confidence of young girls. She feels that they can do anything as long as they believe in themselves. Armed with self-love, young girls will make excellent choices, reaching their goals and caring for themselves. MG feels grateful that she had positive female role-models. She learned that older women assert themselves, are authentic and, expect to be treated as equals. She saw her mother play a submissive role in her family and she was adamant about not taking on that role in her own life. She has high hopes for women.
Now MG takes time to participate in countless physical activities. She loves being in nature, it helps her to feel grounded. It helps her focus on what is important. She is grateful for the support of her sister and partner. She has taken charge of her life. She feels stronger, happier, more aware and, comfortable in her own skin.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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