To be or not to be Gay

March 4th, 2016

I will always remember the day I heard that the man of my dreams was gay. I was 17 years old and madly in lust for someone I had just met. He was a friend of my friends and I met him through them. I asked my friends if he was seeing anyone. They confirmed that he was single. I got all dolled up for the next party. On the bus, as we were getting closer to the party, I was asking questions about my guy. My friends answered my questions but something was wrong. After each answer they would exchange looks and giggle. When they told me not to get my hopes up I got angry. I asked them to explain their behavior: did they think I wasn't good enough for him? They realised they were hurting my feelings and decided to put me out of my misery. They told me: Anne, he's gay.

I had never met a gay person before and was totally ignorant about the whole thing. They had bursted my bubble. At the party, the gay guy was making out with a girl which confused me. Apparently, when he's drunk, he is not as gay? Over the years, we became really close friends. I stopped trying to make him straight and he became my hairstylist, make-up artist and fashion consultant. I was like a live mannequin for him. Oddly enough, he was the first person who made me feel beautiful.

I met many of his boyfriends over the years. We travelled to Montreal together to shop and sit in coffee houses meeting new people. I had always been shy but he was so social that I was able to relax and enjoy meeting new people. My teen years were among the best years of my life-a time of exploration through our theater group, of discovering my beauty and femininity through my gay best friend and, opportunities to meet new people.

My awareness and understanding of what it means to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender grew as I met and became friends with an ever-expanding circle of friends. These relationships made me a more open, relaxed, compassionate person. I met young adults who were being denied as a member of their family because of who they were. I met two individuals who were in the process of changing their sexual identity. The people I met during those years were so authentic, accepting and open. We had meaningful discussions and I thoroughly enjoyed this period of my life.

I recently offered a stress management workshop for teens and I saw the same struggle playing out. It brought it all back for me. Their conflict over pretending to be someone they are not in order to fit in or be who they are and risk rejection. I send love to anyone going through this process of self-discovery. It's not easy but you are beautiful and worthy of love. I hope someone will read these words and feel accepted and loved. Just be yourself, your true friends will stand by you and your life will be much happier because you are being authentic.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org