Fitness Epiphany

March 10h, 2016

Yesterday, I went to the gym and worked out. It felt great! I used to head out to the gym three times per week. I was starting to feel comfortable in that environment. I knew which machines to use and had my routine set out for me. Then we had three weeks in a row of 2 snow days.

I should point out that I love snow days. I enjoy the chill pace of my daughters playing in their undies. I hate packing their school lunches and arguing about whether or not they need to wear snowpants or their thick jacket. I love eating when we're hungry and balancing work and play. Hearing them run around and giggle as they dress up the animals or pretend their Monster High dolls are landing on Astro Nova's planet fills me with glee. When the weather cleared up and the girls were, grumpily, back at school, I was hit with a double-deadline, two projects due on the same day. I was too busy to work out. Ironically, I was very stressed so I needed to work out more than ever.

I bought a gym membership last fall because I felt out of shape. I'm not going to lie and say I don't care what size I am as long as I'm healthy. That's not exactly true. My body doesn't look too bad but my extra pounds are not evenly distributed. The fat is all on my bottom and my belly so it's like walking around with a floatie around my waist. I have had a few acquaintances ask me if Vin and I were expecting. That is a kick in the gut for sure. So, I was serious about working out and feeling fit when I purchased my membership. I have always been skinny. I was one of those people who could eat whatever I wanted and not gain a pound. So, being overweight doesn't feel right, it feels like I've borrowed someone's body.

I am pretty determined so, when I pick a goal, I go for it full force. I was progressing well for a few months then I weighed myself. My weight had not budged at all. I know most trainers tell you not to weigh yourself because muscle weighs more than fat so the numbers on the scale are not encouraging at first but, I was feeling good and I thought for sure I would see a difference. I felt really discouraged.

Lately, I have noticed a pattern. I saw it in other women first but I know it to be true for me as well. I have goals, activities I wish to pursue but, they have to fit around the activities of the people around me. I plan to head off to the gym once the girls are on the bus but my husband needs me to run an errand for him and then we have lunch and then I need to get groceries and then there are e-mails that require my attention and then, it's almost time for the girls to get home. I tell myself I will work out first thing the next day but, the same pattern repeats itself. My stuff gets moved to the bottom of the pile. It's no one else's fault, I am driving my bus. Why do I put myself last?

Not working out as I had planned brought this realization to my awareness. I see it in the lives of women around me and in my own life, not just around fitness but career, socializing, personal development and spiritual pursuits. This is part of self-care, engaging in meaningful activities and expecting loved ones to support you. The fact is, I want to feel and look fit, working out helps my body deal with stress and increases the likelihood that I will be around long enough to raise my daughters and retire with my husband. Fitness is a valid pursuit and I need to protect it.

I am grateful for the opportunity to observe this pattern in my life. My fitness goals are now part of a much larger self-care plan, one that includes the gym, a budget for healthy groceries, space to create and time for supportive friendships. To all my wonderful, strong, beautiful women friends, I encourage you to assess your own patterns. How much time is left in your day for the activities and people who matter to you?

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org