Book of the Week-Year of Yes

March 12th, 2016

I am so excited to share this book with you. I purchased this week's book at the pharmacy. I recognized the author's name, Shonda Rhimes. I knew that name but I coudn't figure out how I knew it. As I read through the book I learned that she is a writer and has written many successful television series such as Grey's Anatomy. I never watched that show so I still don't know why her name was so familiar.

I read the book in three days. It was just one of those books. Shonda and I have a great deal in common. As a child, she had this active imagination and she liked to sit in the pantry and invent people, places and stories. When she became famous and was suddenly in the spotlight, out of her comfort zone. Shonda worked very hard but she tried to become invisible. She ate her emotions, stuffing them deeper, silencing them, numbing herself in the process. She gained weight and said no to the many networking opportunities that were presented to her. She was successful but tired and unhappy.

One day, her sister reprimanded her for saying no to everything. This accusation sat in her brain and simmered until she came to the conclusion that her sister was right. She did say no to everything. This kept her safe and comfortable. She wasn't challenging herself. Shonda decided she would commit to saying yes to every opportunity that presented itself over the course of a year. She faced her fear of public speaking and her discomfort with the small talk that is required during social obligations. She stopped suppressing her emotions with food, worked out, ate a healthier dit and lost over 100lbs. She dived into difficult conversations and speaking her truth became easier. She worked through her identity as a mother, accepting that she was a career woman who had help from a nanny and did not have time to bake goods for the bake sale. She found the courage to turn down an engagement to a wonderful man because she doesn't want to be married.

As she says yes to people and opportunities, she becomes more clear about what she wants and what she doesn't. She loses a few friends who do not like the new direct, happy, assertive, fulfilled person she has become. However, she gains peace and self-love. She is grounded and the friends she has are true friends. On page 178, she writes: "The point of this whole Year of Yes project is to say yes to things that scare me, that challenge me. So in order to YES a problem, I have to find whatever it is inside the problem that challenges me or scares me or makes me just freak out-and then I have to say yes to that thing". She calls this new approach to life, becoming a "badass".

Throughout the book, Shonda talks about the joys and challenges of motherhood. She has to re-connect to her playful self. As an adult with many responsibilities who lives in her head, she must train herself to be in the moment and play. She commits to turn off her phone at 6pm every day and, as much as she can, not work on weekends. She decides she will say yes every time her children want her to play or listen to them because she can generally give them 15 minutes then they move on to something else. She talks about the judging that happens among women: the working moms against the stay-at-home moms and she wonders why we can't just mother in our own way and be supportive of each other. She points out the need for support as mothers, how we used to get that from neighbors, friends and families but that is rare these days with everyone doing their own thing. She relates a story of her desire to style her hair like Whitney Houston when she was younger. She was so discouraged by her failed attempts until she was informed that Whitney wore a wig. Being a mom is like that, we imagine every other mom has got it all under control and this puts pressure and unrealistic expectations on us. If we are honest with each other and admit our need for support or, that we have a great network of support helping us, it creates a space for moms to reach out for help without feeling any shame about it.

I absolutely loved this book. It was empowering, thought-provoking and inspiring.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org