July 12th, 2016
I didn't have to wonder what to write about tonight. Two years ago today, my husband and I were in a car crash. We went out for a date and had a great time. On our way back, mere blocks from our home, a teenager, texting while driving hit our car from behind. I hit the back of my head so hard, my sunglasses flew off. I found them weeks later in the wreckage. I went for massage therapy then physiotherapy and biofeedback. I am much better now but I still have reminders of the accident when I can't find the word I am looking for, when I am exhausted at the end of the day, when my head or neck hurt or I feel dizzy. However, I feel grateful to be alive.
Today, two years later, my husband and I received some terrible news. A friend of ours has lost her husband. Our babysitter and her sister have lost their dad. He died from a heart attack at work. We found out from one of his co-workers who just happened to be my husband's friend. He was only 52 years old, he wasn't ill, there was no warning, he went to work and didn't return. We were all shocked, wondering, hoping it was a case of mistaken identity. It wasn't.
My husband and his friend went out for drinks as they do every two weeks. They talked about their lives, reviewed their decisions and assessed their priorities. It was a sobering evening to say the least.
I was at home with our daughters. They were very sad to hear that their favourite babysitter's father had died. They couldn't believe it was true. They thought about their own father who was out for the evening. The possibility that he wouldn't come home felt excruciating and frightening. As I spent time with them, I felt so grateful to be alive, to have the opportunity to create memories with them.
Throughout the evening, I did my own soul searching. If I died today, what would be left undone, what would I regret? The biggest loss would be not being around to raise my daughters. I love them so much and I want to be here for them every step of the way. I started to mentally create a bucket list. What do I absolutely want to do before I die?
Here is what I've come up with so far:
1-Raise two confident, compassionate, kind and generous girls
2-Travel through Canada, the USA, Australia and Europe
3-Learn to live sustainably-grow my own food, use solar energy, have an eco-friendly home
4-Take care of my mother financially so she can enjoy her golden years
5-Become a published author
6-Give at least one Ted Talk
7-Master at least one art form
8-Grow into a fit older lady
9-Find a way to ensure every child in my town has food and warm clothing in the winter
10-Empower women to support their families
When someone dies, it is a wake-up call. Are we wasting time or do we use each day to create something good? Have we set goals? Are we progressing toward them? Does our life truly reflect our values? Take a moment to create your bucket list. What would you like to accomplish in this lifetime? Stop putting it off. Start now.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label life review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life review. Show all posts
Tuesday, 12 July 2016
Friday, 24 June 2016
Story Corps
June 24th, 2016
I love Ted Talks! I listen to them while I clean the house or prepare meals and, occasionally when I go to bed later than the other members of my family. I learn so much from the various speakers who cover every topic imaginable from upcoming, state of the art technology, the importance of vulnerability, the advantage of online learning for children and neuroscience to species of underwater creatures.
Recently, I heard a fabulous speech by Dave Isay, the founder of Story Corps. He talks about his own experience and how it taught him the power of narrative. He started interviewing people for radio. He took on special projects interviewing people who had been through the same difficult experience. He learned so much about them through this process. He interviewed his own father who has since passed and he now has an even deeper commitment to do this work. He set up some booths in busy locations where a facilitator would help two individuals have a meaningful conversation. Dave shared a few emotional stories with the audience. A woman who has grown to love the young man who shot her son. An elderly man who expresses his love for his wife. A mother interviewed by her high functioning son with Asperger.
These conversations are authentic and deeply moving. David talks about a woman who interviews people in hospice care. She shares what she has learned from this experience in a book about what is really important in life. The people who are interviewed get a copy of their conversation but a second copy is sent to the archives. This means future generations could witness this interview. There are so many applications to this from interviewing people in long term care, schools or hospitals to the homeless and incarcerated.
Story Corps has booths set up in various locations, however, it has also created an app that enables anyone to create an interview and submit it to the archives. You follow the prompts, select from a list of potential questions and then send the story. This tool could be used by the military to document the healing process of soldiers with PTSD. It could be used by teachers to record the changes in their students from grade 1 to grade 8. Projects like my, Interviews with 40+ year olds, or my Mommy Monologues, could use this format.
Storytelling is such an ancient and powerful ritual. We learn so much about life, each other and ourselves through stories. I would love to set up a booth in a local long term care facility and interview every older adult who is living there. You could record an entire generation one facility at a time. My brain is bubbling with possibilities right now but it doesn't have to be big. If you'd like to interview a loved one today, just download the Story Corps app and get started. Everyone has a story. Share yours today.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I love Ted Talks! I listen to them while I clean the house or prepare meals and, occasionally when I go to bed later than the other members of my family. I learn so much from the various speakers who cover every topic imaginable from upcoming, state of the art technology, the importance of vulnerability, the advantage of online learning for children and neuroscience to species of underwater creatures.
Recently, I heard a fabulous speech by Dave Isay, the founder of Story Corps. He talks about his own experience and how it taught him the power of narrative. He started interviewing people for radio. He took on special projects interviewing people who had been through the same difficult experience. He learned so much about them through this process. He interviewed his own father who has since passed and he now has an even deeper commitment to do this work. He set up some booths in busy locations where a facilitator would help two individuals have a meaningful conversation. Dave shared a few emotional stories with the audience. A woman who has grown to love the young man who shot her son. An elderly man who expresses his love for his wife. A mother interviewed by her high functioning son with Asperger.
These conversations are authentic and deeply moving. David talks about a woman who interviews people in hospice care. She shares what she has learned from this experience in a book about what is really important in life. The people who are interviewed get a copy of their conversation but a second copy is sent to the archives. This means future generations could witness this interview. There are so many applications to this from interviewing people in long term care, schools or hospitals to the homeless and incarcerated.
Story Corps has booths set up in various locations, however, it has also created an app that enables anyone to create an interview and submit it to the archives. You follow the prompts, select from a list of potential questions and then send the story. This tool could be used by the military to document the healing process of soldiers with PTSD. It could be used by teachers to record the changes in their students from grade 1 to grade 8. Projects like my, Interviews with 40+ year olds, or my Mommy Monologues, could use this format.
Storytelling is such an ancient and powerful ritual. We learn so much about life, each other and ourselves through stories. I would love to set up a booth in a local long term care facility and interview every older adult who is living there. You could record an entire generation one facility at a time. My brain is bubbling with possibilities right now but it doesn't have to be big. If you'd like to interview a loved one today, just download the Story Corps app and get started. Everyone has a story. Share yours today.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 1 June 2016
Steven Vincent Walsh-Biography
June 1st, 2016
As promised, here is the biography that was gathered over weeks of interviews with my husband, Vincent Walsh.
Vincent was born and raised in Mill Hill, London but his happiest times were in Edgware. He described his mother, Patricia Rosemary Walsh as feisty, funny, anxious, insecure and needy. His father, Edmund Christopher Walsh was creative, violent, mystical, angry and selfish.
Vincent is the eldest of five children. His sister Tracy is considered the most "normal" of the five. Lesley is a self-destructive alcoholic tortured by her relationship with her father. Daryl is a very funny, sweet, emotional guy who was torn into a thousand little pieces. Shelley is emotionally volatile, utterly selfish and given to horrendous mood swings.
As a child, Vincent was secretive and self-protective. "I lived in my own world, created by me. I looked for safety in my grandma's arms. I felt separated from the rest of the family on every level. I wondered what I was doing there most of the time". His favourite activities as a child were being in nature, going to the woods at his Aunt Catherine's house. He also loved getting lost in the woods behind his own home.
When I asked Vincent to share a story about his childhood, this is what he described:
"Every weekend I was released into the warm glow of my grandmother's care. Usually we would take the green line bus from outside of her flat in Edgware all the way down the Edgware road and into the centre of London. We would shop, eat, watch movies and revel in each other's company, the age between us being immaterial. Her flat was always warm and there was always delicious food to eat. Those weekends were what I lived for".
Vincent's home life while growing up was cold, violent, undisciplined and unpredictable. There was very little food and a depressing atmosphere that came from a mixture of fear and neglect. "There was constant fighting between my mother and father whenever he was around, after the fighting he would usually leave and, a little while later, she would find herself pregnant once again. Quite often I would see my mother with at least a black eye and some bruising. My mom slept late into the day even when we were young kids and I believe she was depressed at that time. We moved fairly often but it usually improved (houses and area) when we did".
"School offered me a respite from the calamities at home. I didn't like it that much. To me it seemed slow and pointless but somehow I was good at it. So good in fact that, in my second year of secondary school, two of my teachers perceived the damage that home life was inflicting on me and offered me a scholarship at a private school which I refused mostly because I felt that I stood out enough as it was already and, at a private school in London in 1969, I would have been the object of ridicule. As much for my undisciplined upbringing and my obvious working class roots. So I stayed where I was unwillingly and tolerated the mayhem until the soonest possible moment that I could escape both school and home".
During Vin's teen life, "London was evolving from decades of repression, sexually and socially and, the newfound morals of my generation were at utter odds to the ones that came before as it is with most generations and with good reason. Music, fashion and hairstyles, which were all closely intertwined at this point, was like total catnip to me. There were a few head turning acts at this time. But, none had the shock value, charisma, raw sexuality and talent of David Bowie. The added bonus was that my mother utterly hated him on sight thereby cementing my adoration and lifelong fanaticism. My personal rebellion was more in the form of doing everything and anything I could to be absolutely nothing like my family. This meant working and having a dream with a path attached to it which I follow to this day".
When it came time to choose a career, Vincent explains that: "At the end of the 60s and into the early 70s, the irresistible combined forces of the genius of Vidal Sassoon and the visceral pull of David Bowie left me unable to resist. Within them I found a nexus of freedom, creativity and rebellion that unlocked me. I became a hairstylist in 1972 and it has been the glue that held together my sometimes wobbly existence. It has provided me with food, clothing and shelter, stereophonic sound and technicolor daydreams. I owe far more to it than it ill ever owe to me. I have never been bored yet remain almost always mildly frustrated".
As a young adult, Vincent's aspirations were as follows:"I dreamed of being an astronaut first when I was 12 after staying up all night to watch Neil Armstrong land on the moon which, for me of course, was never going to happen. After I had been abducted by Bowie and Sassoon, my path became clearer and so did my dreams. I wanted to build a life on the foundation of working as much as possible and travelling every chance I got. I wanted to flee the sinking ship that was mid-70s England-crewed by my family. My first thought was South Africa but the widespread social violence of apartheid was too daunting. Then my thoughts roamed to Australia but it was simply too far away. Then, Canada...
Next, I asked Vincent about his love life. It was weird to hear him describe our relationship. "I first met my wife when she came and sat in my chair. I was deep in the weeds of feeling sorry for myself after a disorienting long-term relationship with a serial bolster and I was still licking my wounds so I resisted a very strong urge to ask her out on a date which I overcame with confidence a few months later". I listened intently as Vincent talked about our wedding day. "It had rained for almost two solid weeks leading up to the wedding day. Everything was drenched, wet and cold. The ceremony was due to be performed in the morning of Sunday, August the 15th, at a beautiful victorian farm house. As providence would have it the skies cleared the day before and the sun shone making everything absolutely perfect. This may have something to do with the French tradition of hanging a rosary on the washing line for good weather which worked like magic. It was slightly surreal in its perfection. After the short but delicate and beautiful ceremony, we socially lubricated our 55 guests with much champagne while we went off and had our pictures taken. The whole affair was sublime, gentle and perfect. So much so that we both agreed-wouldn't it be great if we could do it all again?
Our honeymoon was carefree days and nights at the Chateau Montebello where we ate and drank to our heart's content and thought about our future. Neither of us could comprehend at that moment. It remains set in stone as the bedrock four our lives. It will never be less than it was. My wife came to me in the early hours of the morning one day telling me that she had taken pregnancy test and that she was indeed pregnant. My response was a very excited: 'Show me!'.
Becoming a parent made me aware of how selfish I had been before having children and the almost overwhelming changes that would have to occur if I was going to become the parent I wanted to be. Becoming a parent emotionally brought me to my knees and I had to learn again how to stand then walk then run. I had never felt the depth of feelings that I have felt for my children and that scared the living daylights out of me. They are my world and I live for and through them. Only when I remembered what it was like to be child did I know how to become a man".
Vin's fondest memories of that time in his life: "The most powerful thing was in the first year, watching a new human being adapt and grow to the world around them, seeing a child take the first steps, eating new food and learning how to communicate were remarkable on a level I had never experienced before. It grabbed me by the heart and by the brain and didn't let go". I asked Vincent was he was most proud of regarding his parenting. "The learned ability to leave behind what had happened to me and try and give the children a chance in life that I'd never had, to hope". Asked what he would do differently..."I have to say that's a loaded question because of the experiences I have both from my childhood and early adulthood, I have plenty of scar tissue that I couldn't hide any longer but I realized that everything that happened to me led me to where I am today. So, in conclusion, I wouldn't change a thing, no regrets, only memories".
Vin describes his biggest accomplishment in life as: "Staying alive, learning, growing, facing and overcoming obstacles, being a father and a husband, learning who I was and enjoying life". His only regrets in life are: "I wanted to be an astronaut and a rock star, the rest is still up for grabs". I asked my husband if he is satisfied with his life so far. His response was: " Satisfied is not a descriptive enough term in my opinion. I am leaning more towards happy and delighted. It seems to me there is a smugness in 'satisfaction' and that is not what I am feeling".
The only thing Vincent would like to change about his current life is that he'd like to live in a warm climate "anytime now please"! I asked Vincent how he felt about aging. "The fact that my father died at 41 coloured my view before and after I reached that age. Before 41 I was terrified that the same fate would befall me. Leading away from it, every day became a gift and irreplaceable. But, in the words of someone much older and wiser than me, 'Everything I have two of, one of them hurts', that's aging.
There have been many teachers in my life. Some of them have inadvertently given me survival skills but only one cherished and nurtured me when I needed it the most and that was my paternal grandmother, Mary, whom I still miss to this day and I always will.
I have a really close friendship with a friend of mine, David, who was tortured and abused horribly by his father. It took us almost the entire course of our 50+ year relationship to come to terms with the abuse and to learn to talk about it with each other which was a great relief to both of us and cemented our relationship even further.
Another friend of mine is Lawrence. We've been friends for over 30 years. He has a 6 year old daughter which made him really shine in the past few years. He knows a lot of my shadows and he still chooses to be a friend of mine-I like that, that to me is cool. I don't seek out new friendships generally, I prefer them to happen organically whenever possible but I've recently embraced a friendship with someone who has all the hallmarks for the long haul. Welcome aboard, Daniel, Brother"!
Vincent reflected on the turning points in his life. "First one I think would have to be leaving school. It was a monotonous torture, doled out with violent military precision by former WW2 officers masquerading as teachers. The next would be leaving England for Canada on my own with not even a clue of what I was doing or where I was going. Opening up my first business and swopping out tyrannical overlord status was up next. A failed marriage to humble me and a happy one to reward me. The children were the cherry, the icing-and the cream filling all wrapped up in one".
What lessons would Vincent like to communicate to the next generation? "Don't worry so much. Problems come and problems go. Love is forever. Worry is temporary. Eat the dessert, drink the wine, jump in the ocean, one day you won't be able to do those things and you'll wish you had. Remember, memories-no regrets. I'd like to be remembered for trying and eventually succeeding to live life on my own terms. For being the best father and husband that I could possibly be and seeing the rewards in another generation".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
As promised, here is the biography that was gathered over weeks of interviews with my husband, Vincent Walsh.
Vincent was born and raised in Mill Hill, London but his happiest times were in Edgware. He described his mother, Patricia Rosemary Walsh as feisty, funny, anxious, insecure and needy. His father, Edmund Christopher Walsh was creative, violent, mystical, angry and selfish.
Vincent is the eldest of five children. His sister Tracy is considered the most "normal" of the five. Lesley is a self-destructive alcoholic tortured by her relationship with her father. Daryl is a very funny, sweet, emotional guy who was torn into a thousand little pieces. Shelley is emotionally volatile, utterly selfish and given to horrendous mood swings.
As a child, Vincent was secretive and self-protective. "I lived in my own world, created by me. I looked for safety in my grandma's arms. I felt separated from the rest of the family on every level. I wondered what I was doing there most of the time". His favourite activities as a child were being in nature, going to the woods at his Aunt Catherine's house. He also loved getting lost in the woods behind his own home.
When I asked Vincent to share a story about his childhood, this is what he described:
"Every weekend I was released into the warm glow of my grandmother's care. Usually we would take the green line bus from outside of her flat in Edgware all the way down the Edgware road and into the centre of London. We would shop, eat, watch movies and revel in each other's company, the age between us being immaterial. Her flat was always warm and there was always delicious food to eat. Those weekends were what I lived for".
Vincent's home life while growing up was cold, violent, undisciplined and unpredictable. There was very little food and a depressing atmosphere that came from a mixture of fear and neglect. "There was constant fighting between my mother and father whenever he was around, after the fighting he would usually leave and, a little while later, she would find herself pregnant once again. Quite often I would see my mother with at least a black eye and some bruising. My mom slept late into the day even when we were young kids and I believe she was depressed at that time. We moved fairly often but it usually improved (houses and area) when we did".
"School offered me a respite from the calamities at home. I didn't like it that much. To me it seemed slow and pointless but somehow I was good at it. So good in fact that, in my second year of secondary school, two of my teachers perceived the damage that home life was inflicting on me and offered me a scholarship at a private school which I refused mostly because I felt that I stood out enough as it was already and, at a private school in London in 1969, I would have been the object of ridicule. As much for my undisciplined upbringing and my obvious working class roots. So I stayed where I was unwillingly and tolerated the mayhem until the soonest possible moment that I could escape both school and home".
During Vin's teen life, "London was evolving from decades of repression, sexually and socially and, the newfound morals of my generation were at utter odds to the ones that came before as it is with most generations and with good reason. Music, fashion and hairstyles, which were all closely intertwined at this point, was like total catnip to me. There were a few head turning acts at this time. But, none had the shock value, charisma, raw sexuality and talent of David Bowie. The added bonus was that my mother utterly hated him on sight thereby cementing my adoration and lifelong fanaticism. My personal rebellion was more in the form of doing everything and anything I could to be absolutely nothing like my family. This meant working and having a dream with a path attached to it which I follow to this day".
When it came time to choose a career, Vincent explains that: "At the end of the 60s and into the early 70s, the irresistible combined forces of the genius of Vidal Sassoon and the visceral pull of David Bowie left me unable to resist. Within them I found a nexus of freedom, creativity and rebellion that unlocked me. I became a hairstylist in 1972 and it has been the glue that held together my sometimes wobbly existence. It has provided me with food, clothing and shelter, stereophonic sound and technicolor daydreams. I owe far more to it than it ill ever owe to me. I have never been bored yet remain almost always mildly frustrated".
As a young adult, Vincent's aspirations were as follows:"I dreamed of being an astronaut first when I was 12 after staying up all night to watch Neil Armstrong land on the moon which, for me of course, was never going to happen. After I had been abducted by Bowie and Sassoon, my path became clearer and so did my dreams. I wanted to build a life on the foundation of working as much as possible and travelling every chance I got. I wanted to flee the sinking ship that was mid-70s England-crewed by my family. My first thought was South Africa but the widespread social violence of apartheid was too daunting. Then my thoughts roamed to Australia but it was simply too far away. Then, Canada...
Next, I asked Vincent about his love life. It was weird to hear him describe our relationship. "I first met my wife when she came and sat in my chair. I was deep in the weeds of feeling sorry for myself after a disorienting long-term relationship with a serial bolster and I was still licking my wounds so I resisted a very strong urge to ask her out on a date which I overcame with confidence a few months later". I listened intently as Vincent talked about our wedding day. "It had rained for almost two solid weeks leading up to the wedding day. Everything was drenched, wet and cold. The ceremony was due to be performed in the morning of Sunday, August the 15th, at a beautiful victorian farm house. As providence would have it the skies cleared the day before and the sun shone making everything absolutely perfect. This may have something to do with the French tradition of hanging a rosary on the washing line for good weather which worked like magic. It was slightly surreal in its perfection. After the short but delicate and beautiful ceremony, we socially lubricated our 55 guests with much champagne while we went off and had our pictures taken. The whole affair was sublime, gentle and perfect. So much so that we both agreed-wouldn't it be great if we could do it all again?
Our honeymoon was carefree days and nights at the Chateau Montebello where we ate and drank to our heart's content and thought about our future. Neither of us could comprehend at that moment. It remains set in stone as the bedrock four our lives. It will never be less than it was. My wife came to me in the early hours of the morning one day telling me that she had taken pregnancy test and that she was indeed pregnant. My response was a very excited: 'Show me!'.
Becoming a parent made me aware of how selfish I had been before having children and the almost overwhelming changes that would have to occur if I was going to become the parent I wanted to be. Becoming a parent emotionally brought me to my knees and I had to learn again how to stand then walk then run. I had never felt the depth of feelings that I have felt for my children and that scared the living daylights out of me. They are my world and I live for and through them. Only when I remembered what it was like to be child did I know how to become a man".
Vin's fondest memories of that time in his life: "The most powerful thing was in the first year, watching a new human being adapt and grow to the world around them, seeing a child take the first steps, eating new food and learning how to communicate were remarkable on a level I had never experienced before. It grabbed me by the heart and by the brain and didn't let go". I asked Vincent was he was most proud of regarding his parenting. "The learned ability to leave behind what had happened to me and try and give the children a chance in life that I'd never had, to hope". Asked what he would do differently..."I have to say that's a loaded question because of the experiences I have both from my childhood and early adulthood, I have plenty of scar tissue that I couldn't hide any longer but I realized that everything that happened to me led me to where I am today. So, in conclusion, I wouldn't change a thing, no regrets, only memories".
Vin describes his biggest accomplishment in life as: "Staying alive, learning, growing, facing and overcoming obstacles, being a father and a husband, learning who I was and enjoying life". His only regrets in life are: "I wanted to be an astronaut and a rock star, the rest is still up for grabs". I asked my husband if he is satisfied with his life so far. His response was: " Satisfied is not a descriptive enough term in my opinion. I am leaning more towards happy and delighted. It seems to me there is a smugness in 'satisfaction' and that is not what I am feeling".
The only thing Vincent would like to change about his current life is that he'd like to live in a warm climate "anytime now please"! I asked Vincent how he felt about aging. "The fact that my father died at 41 coloured my view before and after I reached that age. Before 41 I was terrified that the same fate would befall me. Leading away from it, every day became a gift and irreplaceable. But, in the words of someone much older and wiser than me, 'Everything I have two of, one of them hurts', that's aging.
There have been many teachers in my life. Some of them have inadvertently given me survival skills but only one cherished and nurtured me when I needed it the most and that was my paternal grandmother, Mary, whom I still miss to this day and I always will.
I have a really close friendship with a friend of mine, David, who was tortured and abused horribly by his father. It took us almost the entire course of our 50+ year relationship to come to terms with the abuse and to learn to talk about it with each other which was a great relief to both of us and cemented our relationship even further.
Another friend of mine is Lawrence. We've been friends for over 30 years. He has a 6 year old daughter which made him really shine in the past few years. He knows a lot of my shadows and he still chooses to be a friend of mine-I like that, that to me is cool. I don't seek out new friendships generally, I prefer them to happen organically whenever possible but I've recently embraced a friendship with someone who has all the hallmarks for the long haul. Welcome aboard, Daniel, Brother"!
Vincent reflected on the turning points in his life. "First one I think would have to be leaving school. It was a monotonous torture, doled out with violent military precision by former WW2 officers masquerading as teachers. The next would be leaving England for Canada on my own with not even a clue of what I was doing or where I was going. Opening up my first business and swopping out tyrannical overlord status was up next. A failed marriage to humble me and a happy one to reward me. The children were the cherry, the icing-and the cream filling all wrapped up in one".
What lessons would Vincent like to communicate to the next generation? "Don't worry so much. Problems come and problems go. Love is forever. Worry is temporary. Eat the dessert, drink the wine, jump in the ocean, one day you won't be able to do those things and you'll wish you had. Remember, memories-no regrets. I'd like to be remembered for trying and eventually succeeding to live life on my own terms. For being the best father and husband that I could possibly be and seeing the rewards in another generation".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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