June 1st, 2016
As promised, here is the biography that was gathered over weeks of interviews with my husband, Vincent Walsh.
Vincent was born and raised in Mill Hill, London but his happiest times were in Edgware. He described his mother, Patricia Rosemary Walsh as feisty, funny, anxious, insecure and needy. His father, Edmund Christopher Walsh was creative, violent, mystical, angry and selfish.
Vincent is the eldest of five children. His sister Tracy is considered the most "normal" of the five. Lesley is a self-destructive alcoholic tortured by her relationship with her father. Daryl is a very funny, sweet, emotional guy who was torn into a thousand little pieces. Shelley is emotionally volatile, utterly selfish and given to horrendous mood swings.
As a child, Vincent was secretive and self-protective. "I lived in my own world, created by me. I looked for safety in my grandma's arms. I felt separated from the rest of the family on every level. I wondered what I was doing there most of the time". His favourite activities as a child were being in nature, going to the woods at his Aunt Catherine's house. He also loved getting lost in the woods behind his own home.
When I asked Vincent to share a story about his childhood, this is what he described:
"Every weekend I was released into the warm glow of my grandmother's care. Usually we would take the green line bus from outside of her flat in Edgware all the way down the Edgware road and into the centre of London. We would shop, eat, watch movies and revel in each other's company, the age between us being immaterial. Her flat was always warm and there was always delicious food to eat. Those weekends were what I lived for".
Vincent's home life while growing up was cold, violent, undisciplined and unpredictable. There was very little food and a depressing atmosphere that came from a mixture of fear and neglect. "There was constant fighting between my mother and father whenever he was around, after the fighting he would usually leave and, a little while later, she would find herself pregnant once again. Quite often I would see my mother with at least a black eye and some bruising. My mom slept late into the day even when we were young kids and I believe she was depressed at that time. We moved fairly often but it usually improved (houses and area) when we did".
"School offered me a respite from the calamities at home. I didn't like it that much. To me it seemed slow and pointless but somehow I was good at it. So good in fact that, in my second year of secondary school, two of my teachers perceived the damage that home life was inflicting on me and offered me a scholarship at a private school which I refused mostly because I felt that I stood out enough as it was already and, at a private school in London in 1969, I would have been the object of ridicule. As much for my undisciplined upbringing and my obvious working class roots. So I stayed where I was unwillingly and tolerated the mayhem until the soonest possible moment that I could escape both school and home".
During Vin's teen life, "London was evolving from decades of repression, sexually and socially and, the newfound morals of my generation were at utter odds to the ones that came before as it is with most generations and with good reason. Music, fashion and hairstyles, which were all closely intertwined at this point, was like total catnip to me. There were a few head turning acts at this time. But, none had the shock value, charisma, raw sexuality and talent of David Bowie. The added bonus was that my mother utterly hated him on sight thereby cementing my adoration and lifelong fanaticism. My personal rebellion was more in the form of doing everything and anything I could to be absolutely nothing like my family. This meant working and having a dream with a path attached to it which I follow to this day".
When it came time to choose a career, Vincent explains that: "At the end of the 60s and into the early 70s, the irresistible combined forces of the genius of Vidal Sassoon and the visceral pull of David Bowie left me unable to resist. Within them I found a nexus of freedom, creativity and rebellion that unlocked me. I became a hairstylist in 1972 and it has been the glue that held together my sometimes wobbly existence. It has provided me with food, clothing and shelter, stereophonic sound and technicolor daydreams. I owe far more to it than it ill ever owe to me. I have never been bored yet remain almost always mildly frustrated".
As a young adult, Vincent's aspirations were as follows:"I dreamed of being an astronaut first when I was 12 after staying up all night to watch Neil Armstrong land on the moon which, for me of course, was never going to happen. After I had been abducted by Bowie and Sassoon, my path became clearer and so did my dreams. I wanted to build a life on the foundation of working as much as possible and travelling every chance I got. I wanted to flee the sinking ship that was mid-70s England-crewed by my family. My first thought was South Africa but the widespread social violence of apartheid was too daunting. Then my thoughts roamed to Australia but it was simply too far away. Then, Canada...
Next, I asked Vincent about his love life. It was weird to hear him describe our relationship. "I first met my wife when she came and sat in my chair. I was deep in the weeds of feeling sorry for myself after a disorienting long-term relationship with a serial bolster and I was still licking my wounds so I resisted a very strong urge to ask her out on a date which I overcame with confidence a few months later". I listened intently as Vincent talked about our wedding day. "It had rained for almost two solid weeks leading up to the wedding day. Everything was drenched, wet and cold. The ceremony was due to be performed in the morning of Sunday, August the 15th, at a beautiful victorian farm house. As providence would have it the skies cleared the day before and the sun shone making everything absolutely perfect. This may have something to do with the French tradition of hanging a rosary on the washing line for good weather which worked like magic. It was slightly surreal in its perfection. After the short but delicate and beautiful ceremony, we socially lubricated our 55 guests with much champagne while we went off and had our pictures taken. The whole affair was sublime, gentle and perfect. So much so that we both agreed-wouldn't it be great if we could do it all again?
Our honeymoon was carefree days and nights at the Chateau Montebello where we ate and drank to our heart's content and thought about our future. Neither of us could comprehend at that moment. It remains set in stone as the bedrock four our lives. It will never be less than it was. My wife came to me in the early hours of the morning one day telling me that she had taken pregnancy test and that she was indeed pregnant. My response was a very excited: 'Show me!'.
Becoming a parent made me aware of how selfish I had been before having children and the almost overwhelming changes that would have to occur if I was going to become the parent I wanted to be. Becoming a parent emotionally brought me to my knees and I had to learn again how to stand then walk then run. I had never felt the depth of feelings that I have felt for my children and that scared the living daylights out of me. They are my world and I live for and through them. Only when I remembered what it was like to be child did I know how to become a man".
Vin's fondest memories of that time in his life: "The most powerful thing was in the first year, watching a new human being adapt and grow to the world around them, seeing a child take the first steps, eating new food and learning how to communicate were remarkable on a level I had never experienced before. It grabbed me by the heart and by the brain and didn't let go". I asked Vincent was he was most proud of regarding his parenting. "The learned ability to leave behind what had happened to me and try and give the children a chance in life that I'd never had, to hope". Asked what he would do differently..."I have to say that's a loaded question because of the experiences I have both from my childhood and early adulthood, I have plenty of scar tissue that I couldn't hide any longer but I realized that everything that happened to me led me to where I am today. So, in conclusion, I wouldn't change a thing, no regrets, only memories".
Vin describes his biggest accomplishment in life as: "Staying alive, learning, growing, facing and overcoming obstacles, being a father and a husband, learning who I was and enjoying life". His only regrets in life are: "I wanted to be an astronaut and a rock star, the rest is still up for grabs". I asked my husband if he is satisfied with his life so far. His response was: " Satisfied is not a descriptive enough term in my opinion. I am leaning more towards happy and delighted. It seems to me there is a smugness in 'satisfaction' and that is not what I am feeling".
The only thing Vincent would like to change about his current life is that he'd like to live in a warm climate "anytime now please"! I asked Vincent how he felt about aging. "The fact that my father died at 41 coloured my view before and after I reached that age. Before 41 I was terrified that the same fate would befall me. Leading away from it, every day became a gift and irreplaceable. But, in the words of someone much older and wiser than me, 'Everything I have two of, one of them hurts', that's aging.
There have been many teachers in my life. Some of them have inadvertently given me survival skills but only one cherished and nurtured me when I needed it the most and that was my paternal grandmother, Mary, whom I still miss to this day and I always will.
I have a really close friendship with a friend of mine, David, who was tortured and abused horribly by his father. It took us almost the entire course of our 50+ year relationship to come to terms with the abuse and to learn to talk about it with each other which was a great relief to both of us and cemented our relationship even further.
Another friend of mine is Lawrence. We've been friends for over 30 years. He has a 6 year old daughter which made him really shine in the past few years. He knows a lot of my shadows and he still chooses to be a friend of mine-I like that, that to me is cool. I don't seek out new friendships generally, I prefer them to happen organically whenever possible but I've recently embraced a friendship with someone who has all the hallmarks for the long haul. Welcome aboard, Daniel, Brother"!
Vincent reflected on the turning points in his life. "First one I think would have to be leaving school. It was a monotonous torture, doled out with violent military precision by former WW2 officers masquerading as teachers. The next would be leaving England for Canada on my own with not even a clue of what I was doing or where I was going. Opening up my first business and swopping out tyrannical overlord status was up next. A failed marriage to humble me and a happy one to reward me. The children were the cherry, the icing-and the cream filling all wrapped up in one".
What lessons would Vincent like to communicate to the next generation? "Don't worry so much. Problems come and problems go. Love is forever. Worry is temporary. Eat the dessert, drink the wine, jump in the ocean, one day you won't be able to do those things and you'll wish you had. Remember, memories-no regrets. I'd like to be remembered for trying and eventually succeeding to live life on my own terms. For being the best father and husband that I could possibly be and seeing the rewards in another generation".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label biography. Show all posts
Showing posts with label biography. Show all posts
Wednesday, 1 June 2016
Tuesday, 31 May 2016
Preview to a bio
May 31st, 2016
My husband turns 60 on March 22nd, 2017. We are preparing a trip to the Florida Keys to celebrate. I thought it would be fun to write his story. I am always interviewing women and their stories fascinate me. My husband has lived many lives in his 59 years. We run into people who knew him when he was a dj, the owner of Scissors where he managed over 30 staff members, a technical representative for Joico, travelling through Asia or styling the hair of stars and royalty.
I recall once when we were at a friend's house, he sat at a piano and started playing. We had been dating a year and I didn't know he could play. His music was beautiful and his reply to my quizzical look was: "I just like to make stuff up". That is when I found out that his father was a musician and Vincent inherited his talent. He never took a lesson, it just comes to him.
In recent years, he started writing about his childhood in an effort to process painful experiences and put them to rest. He hands over the computer and says: "What do you think?". His writing is powerful, it elicits strong emotions and gives you the impression that you are experiencing everything along with him. His writing is very visual, like an oil painting of every scene only overlaid with potent emotions.
My husband is a stylist. He trained with Vidal Sassoon in London. My first glimpse at his magic was when he did my hair which is how we met. He explained that my hair was damaged and he would need to cut a few inches off. This would bring my hair up to my jaw. I insisted that if he cut my hair that short I would look like a mushroom. He assured me that I wouldn't. We had our wager. He was right. I had never received so many compliments. So, I decided to date him :)
I have watched him take years off of women in 90 minutes. They are smiling, their posture has changed and they seem to be floating on air. I love watching him work. His competence turns me on. I also love seeing him with older clients. He has many elderly clients who have been with him for a long time. He was very close to his grandmother and he is very sweet, gentle and respectful of his older clients. My grandmother always flirted with Vincent. Ever since he serenaded her with: Michelle, ma belle. Did I mention he sings really well? She would ask me where he was whenever I visited her while Vincent was at work. She would comment: "He's got those dreamy eyes".
Vincent loves the finer things in life. He has exposed me to travel and delicious food. He is happiest in a warm destination, with a view of the sea or the mountains, grilling steak on the BBQ with a beer or a robust red wine. He enjoys floating around the swimming pool wearing his sunglasses and a straw hat with a beer in his hands. He is great with animals. Our dog follows him everywhere. I watch him pick up our cat and do whatever he wants with him. The cat doesn't complain, he curls into his chest or lap and purrs his appreciation. When we boarded horses, Vincent would check on them, fill their water containers and have little chats, private, whispered affairs that ended in one of the horses licking his forehead.
When we had children, I worried that we would lose our connection but, thanks to our weekly dates, we have preserved our intimacy and bond as a couple. He is very silly and the girls always tell me he is much more fun than I am. I agree. He is particularly fond of toilet humour, I think that's a British thing. Vincent is very passionate. He loves to restore old cars, collect memorabilia, listen to music like David Bowie, The Beatles, Sting, get tattoos, ride his motorbike or convertible, watch documentaries about politics, nature, musicians and innovators, travel, visit historical sites like Chichen Itsza, and watch you tube videos about DIY projects. He is super handy. He likes to build furniture out of barn board and fix things around the house. Last year, he McGivered a heating system for our pool by stapling black hoses to the tin roof of his shed. See what I mean?
His creativity extends to his cooking as well. We always joke that we are a match made in heaven because he loves to cook and I love to eat. Vincent cooks on his days off. We eat salads, stews, steaks, pasta, always tasty and beautifully plated. The rest of the week, I cook. Generally, that means a one pot meal like shepherd's pie, chicken fried rice, lasagna or spaghetti carbonara.
So, that was my intro. I meant to write his story today, the one he shared during our weekly "interviews" over lunch at our favourite Vietnamese restaurant. However, I have run out of time and space just writing my own observations. I will have to jump right in tomorrow and share the story of Vincent Walsh with you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
My husband turns 60 on March 22nd, 2017. We are preparing a trip to the Florida Keys to celebrate. I thought it would be fun to write his story. I am always interviewing women and their stories fascinate me. My husband has lived many lives in his 59 years. We run into people who knew him when he was a dj, the owner of Scissors where he managed over 30 staff members, a technical representative for Joico, travelling through Asia or styling the hair of stars and royalty.
I recall once when we were at a friend's house, he sat at a piano and started playing. We had been dating a year and I didn't know he could play. His music was beautiful and his reply to my quizzical look was: "I just like to make stuff up". That is when I found out that his father was a musician and Vincent inherited his talent. He never took a lesson, it just comes to him.
In recent years, he started writing about his childhood in an effort to process painful experiences and put them to rest. He hands over the computer and says: "What do you think?". His writing is powerful, it elicits strong emotions and gives you the impression that you are experiencing everything along with him. His writing is very visual, like an oil painting of every scene only overlaid with potent emotions.
My husband is a stylist. He trained with Vidal Sassoon in London. My first glimpse at his magic was when he did my hair which is how we met. He explained that my hair was damaged and he would need to cut a few inches off. This would bring my hair up to my jaw. I insisted that if he cut my hair that short I would look like a mushroom. He assured me that I wouldn't. We had our wager. He was right. I had never received so many compliments. So, I decided to date him :)
I have watched him take years off of women in 90 minutes. They are smiling, their posture has changed and they seem to be floating on air. I love watching him work. His competence turns me on. I also love seeing him with older clients. He has many elderly clients who have been with him for a long time. He was very close to his grandmother and he is very sweet, gentle and respectful of his older clients. My grandmother always flirted with Vincent. Ever since he serenaded her with: Michelle, ma belle. Did I mention he sings really well? She would ask me where he was whenever I visited her while Vincent was at work. She would comment: "He's got those dreamy eyes".
Vincent loves the finer things in life. He has exposed me to travel and delicious food. He is happiest in a warm destination, with a view of the sea or the mountains, grilling steak on the BBQ with a beer or a robust red wine. He enjoys floating around the swimming pool wearing his sunglasses and a straw hat with a beer in his hands. He is great with animals. Our dog follows him everywhere. I watch him pick up our cat and do whatever he wants with him. The cat doesn't complain, he curls into his chest or lap and purrs his appreciation. When we boarded horses, Vincent would check on them, fill their water containers and have little chats, private, whispered affairs that ended in one of the horses licking his forehead.
When we had children, I worried that we would lose our connection but, thanks to our weekly dates, we have preserved our intimacy and bond as a couple. He is very silly and the girls always tell me he is much more fun than I am. I agree. He is particularly fond of toilet humour, I think that's a British thing. Vincent is very passionate. He loves to restore old cars, collect memorabilia, listen to music like David Bowie, The Beatles, Sting, get tattoos, ride his motorbike or convertible, watch documentaries about politics, nature, musicians and innovators, travel, visit historical sites like Chichen Itsza, and watch you tube videos about DIY projects. He is super handy. He likes to build furniture out of barn board and fix things around the house. Last year, he McGivered a heating system for our pool by stapling black hoses to the tin roof of his shed. See what I mean?
His creativity extends to his cooking as well. We always joke that we are a match made in heaven because he loves to cook and I love to eat. Vincent cooks on his days off. We eat salads, stews, steaks, pasta, always tasty and beautifully plated. The rest of the week, I cook. Generally, that means a one pot meal like shepherd's pie, chicken fried rice, lasagna or spaghetti carbonara.
So, that was my intro. I meant to write his story today, the one he shared during our weekly "interviews" over lunch at our favourite Vietnamese restaurant. However, I have run out of time and space just writing my own observations. I will have to jump right in tomorrow and share the story of Vincent Walsh with you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 14 January 2016
Interview with a 40+ woman-FD
I met with another fascinating woman today. FD was married at 19 years of age and had three
children by the age of 25. She was happy, living in a suburb close to everything. She earned her
own money by operating a home day care and starting a newspaper route. She soon realized
that her husband had very different expectations from hers. He believed that being at home with
the children, cooking and cleaning should make her happy. When she expressed an interest in
taking a creative writing course, her husband objected.
By the time she turned 30, FD was examining her life. She had expected to achieve more by this age and thought she would feel different. FD was fed up with feeling invisible at parties. When people asked her what she did and she replied that she was raising her three children, they moved on to someone else, assuming she had nothing to say. Her husband never beat her but she would sense the tension rising when he was getting upset and she did what she could to appease him. It was all very draining. As the new millennium rolled around, she had a pivotal conversation with a trusted friend. Her friend suggested that she pick one thing she would like to change in the future and set a date. By April 2000, FD had left her husband. This would be her third and final trip to a shelter.
Her husband had accumulated a huge debt and she inherited half of that amount as her "parting gift". She was a single mother of three, penniless and, without an education, she didn't know how she would take care of her family. An opportunity presented itself to move to Asia where she could make good money, live relatively cheap and complete her Publication Degree from Ryerson's online program. Her intention was to be away for one year but her contract was renewed and, she met an Australian man. Her children were taken care of by her mother and ex-husband. She spoke to them every other day but her husband always listened in on their conversations. She visited every four months. She moved back home, three years later, in March 2006, after a messy break up wth the Australian.
Her children needed to get to know her again. As they strengthened their relationship, FD started re-building her life. She met a man who was also re-building his life. They spent a lot of time together with their children, getting to know each other and, eventually, married late in 2007. She turned 40 shortly after her father passed away in 2008. "Turning 40 didn't really phase me", she said. Her 40s have been mostly about adjusting to married life. She learned to let go of her "single mom mentality". FD is finally in a relationship with a man she can rely on, "It's nice to be with someone who cares if you're hungry, cold or tired. You just need to let them take care of you".
FD is most proud of her relationship with her children. "We're friends which is amazing after everything we've been through". The only thing she would change is her trip to Asia. She wishes she didn't go away but, to this day, she can't imagine any other way to get out of debt as fast as she did. Her advice to young women is to "listen to the people who love you. You don't need to reply. What they say has value, take it in, value it, weigh it". At this point in her life she is "trying to focus on the moment, to sit and communicate".
She believes something causes us to look inward in our 40s and adjust our lives accordingly. As FD reviews the lives of the many generations who came before her, she notices that life changes over time but a "gold thread" stays the same. Her legacy will be to teach the next generation that "you are the only one you can depend on, you've got to make your own decisions and, it's ok to make mistakes because there are no mistakes, only learning".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
By the time she turned 30, FD was examining her life. She had expected to achieve more by this age and thought she would feel different. FD was fed up with feeling invisible at parties. When people asked her what she did and she replied that she was raising her three children, they moved on to someone else, assuming she had nothing to say. Her husband never beat her but she would sense the tension rising when he was getting upset and she did what she could to appease him. It was all very draining. As the new millennium rolled around, she had a pivotal conversation with a trusted friend. Her friend suggested that she pick one thing she would like to change in the future and set a date. By April 2000, FD had left her husband. This would be her third and final trip to a shelter.
Her husband had accumulated a huge debt and she inherited half of that amount as her "parting gift". She was a single mother of three, penniless and, without an education, she didn't know how she would take care of her family. An opportunity presented itself to move to Asia where she could make good money, live relatively cheap and complete her Publication Degree from Ryerson's online program. Her intention was to be away for one year but her contract was renewed and, she met an Australian man. Her children were taken care of by her mother and ex-husband. She spoke to them every other day but her husband always listened in on their conversations. She visited every four months. She moved back home, three years later, in March 2006, after a messy break up wth the Australian.
Her children needed to get to know her again. As they strengthened their relationship, FD started re-building her life. She met a man who was also re-building his life. They spent a lot of time together with their children, getting to know each other and, eventually, married late in 2007. She turned 40 shortly after her father passed away in 2008. "Turning 40 didn't really phase me", she said. Her 40s have been mostly about adjusting to married life. She learned to let go of her "single mom mentality". FD is finally in a relationship with a man she can rely on, "It's nice to be with someone who cares if you're hungry, cold or tired. You just need to let them take care of you".
FD is most proud of her relationship with her children. "We're friends which is amazing after everything we've been through". The only thing she would change is her trip to Asia. She wishes she didn't go away but, to this day, she can't imagine any other way to get out of debt as fast as she did. Her advice to young women is to "listen to the people who love you. You don't need to reply. What they say has value, take it in, value it, weigh it". At this point in her life she is "trying to focus on the moment, to sit and communicate".
She believes something causes us to look inward in our 40s and adjust our lives accordingly. As FD reviews the lives of the many generations who came before her, she notices that life changes over time but a "gold thread" stays the same. Her legacy will be to teach the next generation that "you are the only one you can depend on, you've got to make your own decisions and, it's ok to make mistakes because there are no mistakes, only learning".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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