June 16th, 2016
Today, I went into TLC to look into the price of renting a chair to sit in the shower, a transport wheelchair, a hand-held shower head and many other implements. We are preparing for a visit from my mother-in-law, a vibrant, fun-loving woman who has some health concerns and mobility issues. We want her to be as comfortable as possible during her stay with us.
Stepping into this shop brought me back to my days working in long term care. I was surrounded by geriatric chairs, walkers and quad canes. As I drove away, I started to reminisce about the women I encountered through my work. I spent some time managing a locked unit but before then, I was working as a mobile art therapist travelling from one unit to the next.
I learned so much from the ladies I met at that time. I noticed that their approach to life now reflected the approach they had always had to life. I also got to hear their stories and learn from their successes and mistakes. One lady told me about her husband who neglected her and stressed her out. When this lovely woman had a stroke, that same husband never came to visit her.
I saw so many women who had five children but never had any visitors. Initially, I assumed they must have been an abusive mother or, have somehow alienated their adult children. However, it is so common that I think they can't all be abusive alcoholic moms. There is something else going on here. When I ask about their children, they tell me that they live out of town or have crazy jobs and very little time to visit. It's very sad because someday she won't be there anymore and they'll want to hear her voice or see her face. It'll be too late.
I have made decisions based on what they have shared with me. Here are some things they have taught me:
1-Don't let a man treat you like dirt
2-Communication is key to a successful marriage
3-Do what you love
4-Don't care what others think or say about you
5-Friends are important, make time for them
6-Enjoy your children when they are young, it feels long but it will actually fly by and you'll miss it later
7-Say yes to life, don't sit on the sidelines because you're scared of being judged or because of your weight
8-Spend your money on experiences not on a new shirt, you'll forget about clothing but you'll remember the experience and so will everyone who was with you
9-Be yourself
10-Your health is your most important asset, don't take it for granted
So there you have it, now you know what older, wiser women wish they knew when they were younger. If you follow their advice, you too can get to a ripe old age and pass your wisdom on to the next generation.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label wisdom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wisdom. Show all posts
Thursday, 16 June 2016
Friday, 11 March 2016
Interview with a 40+ Woman
March 11th, 2016
Today, I had an opportunity to sit with a woman I have come to respect. CT is the most positive, open, non-judgmental woman I have ever met and I enjoy her company. We sat in a sunny room, eating scones, drinking lattes and I got to ask my questions.
As I suspected, CT doesn't care about age. She knows people from different age groups and, to her, 40 is just another number. At the age of 43, she hasn't made any major changes in her life. She simply has more clarity about what she wants to do. She feels more committed, less willing to let things "not happen". CT is also less worried about letting people know her views. She now values her experiences. She feels more reflective. She has a growing awareness about how variable time can be. "In your 40s you experience friends and family getting sick".
I asked CT what she has learned about aging from the women around her. "Most of the people I know, aging doesn't bother them. Their metabolism changes, they can't do the same things as before. That may bother them but it's ok. The experience of aging for women has lots of constructs we can't avoid. We gather. My mom still has friends from University. A guy friend of mine meets up with his childhood friend for breakfast once a week. Many enjoy it, being retired. They get to be involved in projects they like". CT talks about friends whose partners are ill or who have their own health issues. "It is not an easier time of life but you have experience to sit on".
CT doesn't think she is any different from her younger self. "It depends on the situation. Personality traits come out more strongly depending on the situation". She is increasingly aware of things like who she is, aspects that are her strengths or other aspects that need some work. Given the chance to start over she doesn't think she would change anything. Asked what she is proud of, CT says she's pretty happy. "I like the people around me, I like the kids around me". Her friends and family are most important to her at this time in her life as well as her health. She turns to friends and family for support when she needs it. When she wants to recharge her batteries, CT goes out for a walk. Walking is integral to her well-being.
I ask CT why she thinks so many women make drastic changes in their 40s. She believes that hormones play a role for sure. "Experiences in your 40s have some meaning. There are changes in your body and your life, good changes but you can't control them. This affects us because we are socialized to control things and we can't. It's worse now, we're told there are pills to change things. Also, you know things now and they can be in conflict". She now understands some of the decisions her parents made when she was growing up. "I now understand that you own your mistakes, you own your choices".
When asked to offer advice to the next generation of teenagers, CT was quiet, contemplating her answer. She varied between no advice "because shitty things can happen" and simply recommending that they "trust in possibilites." She hopes to provide support for the next generation. "They have their own stuff to figure out. This belongs to the 'can't control' category. We all die eventually and when we do, we can leave values behind but we can't control what happens".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today, I had an opportunity to sit with a woman I have come to respect. CT is the most positive, open, non-judgmental woman I have ever met and I enjoy her company. We sat in a sunny room, eating scones, drinking lattes and I got to ask my questions.
As I suspected, CT doesn't care about age. She knows people from different age groups and, to her, 40 is just another number. At the age of 43, she hasn't made any major changes in her life. She simply has more clarity about what she wants to do. She feels more committed, less willing to let things "not happen". CT is also less worried about letting people know her views. She now values her experiences. She feels more reflective. She has a growing awareness about how variable time can be. "In your 40s you experience friends and family getting sick".
I asked CT what she has learned about aging from the women around her. "Most of the people I know, aging doesn't bother them. Their metabolism changes, they can't do the same things as before. That may bother them but it's ok. The experience of aging for women has lots of constructs we can't avoid. We gather. My mom still has friends from University. A guy friend of mine meets up with his childhood friend for breakfast once a week. Many enjoy it, being retired. They get to be involved in projects they like". CT talks about friends whose partners are ill or who have their own health issues. "It is not an easier time of life but you have experience to sit on".
CT doesn't think she is any different from her younger self. "It depends on the situation. Personality traits come out more strongly depending on the situation". She is increasingly aware of things like who she is, aspects that are her strengths or other aspects that need some work. Given the chance to start over she doesn't think she would change anything. Asked what she is proud of, CT says she's pretty happy. "I like the people around me, I like the kids around me". Her friends and family are most important to her at this time in her life as well as her health. She turns to friends and family for support when she needs it. When she wants to recharge her batteries, CT goes out for a walk. Walking is integral to her well-being.
I ask CT why she thinks so many women make drastic changes in their 40s. She believes that hormones play a role for sure. "Experiences in your 40s have some meaning. There are changes in your body and your life, good changes but you can't control them. This affects us because we are socialized to control things and we can't. It's worse now, we're told there are pills to change things. Also, you know things now and they can be in conflict". She now understands some of the decisions her parents made when she was growing up. "I now understand that you own your mistakes, you own your choices".
When asked to offer advice to the next generation of teenagers, CT was quiet, contemplating her answer. She varied between no advice "because shitty things can happen" and simply recommending that they "trust in possibilites." She hopes to provide support for the next generation. "They have their own stuff to figure out. This belongs to the 'can't control' category. We all die eventually and when we do, we can leave values behind but we can't control what happens".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 23 February 2016
Painting from the Source
February 21st, 2016
There is an approach to painting which, in my opinion, represents the very core of art therapy, it's called Painting from the Source. There is a book about this relationship to art with that exact title. The author's name is Aviva Gold and she facilitates Painting from the Source workshops. I know so many women who envy people who are creative. They wish they could draw or paint. Artists are mysterious to them and lucky.
Painting from the Source means you recognize your connection to wisdom and you enter into a dialogue with art materials to create openly, spontaneously. You prepare the environment, you show up and you trust in the process. The goal of the art in this approach, as in art therapy, is to create something, not for others, to show off, sell or display but because it feels good, it helps you connect to your wisdom and it provides insight.
When you approach art in this way, not planning, just allowing, your creation presents images to you. You play around with colours and textures and notice what emerges. Often, as an image takes shape in your doodle or paint, you have an emotional connection to it, a recognition of the message it brings. As you paint, you become acquainted with, and welcome, this form of communication. You need to pick a time when you are free to create without interruptions and commit to it. It helps to set up a private space so you can create freely without the fear that someone will see your work before you are ready to share it.
If you have a hard time getting started, paint the anxiety you feel about doing this. Choose your favourite colour and paint a geometric shape on the paper with that colour. Start by doodling or graffiti. Blindfold yourself or imagine that you are someone or something else (e.g. an animal). The author suggests: "paint faster and pretend you're going to burn the painting anyway". For clients who are afraid of making a mess, I suggest they make the biggest, ugliest mess they can imagine. This generally results in a wide grin on their face and some vivid, colourful work. If your mind kicks in and starts criticizing your efforts, focus on the pleasant sensations of the experience. "Pretend you're four years old again...that you've never seen paint or brushes before.."
When you paint in this way, you relinquish control. You become your wisdom's tool to bring about colour and images to the blank paper. You are at the service of your art. You must go with your gut when you are selecting a paint brush, choosing a paint colour, deciding which parts of the painting to paint over, which images to develop and which areas of your paper you should explore. Once you have a painting, you can go deeper by asking yourself what the people in your painting would say if they had a voice or even ask your painting what it wants and doing the first thing that comes to your mind. You can "scan for images that may be hidden in abstract shapes" or "look for a space where you sense something is hidden that wants to emerge".
Aviva recommends these strategies if you feel stuck:
Paint yourself stuck in the birth canal
Silence your critic by painting whatever he or she would hate the most
Paint your pain
Paint your emotions
Paint feces, genitals or vomit
I can attest to the beauty of this experience and encourage all of you to try it.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
There is an approach to painting which, in my opinion, represents the very core of art therapy, it's called Painting from the Source. There is a book about this relationship to art with that exact title. The author's name is Aviva Gold and she facilitates Painting from the Source workshops. I know so many women who envy people who are creative. They wish they could draw or paint. Artists are mysterious to them and lucky.
Painting from the Source means you recognize your connection to wisdom and you enter into a dialogue with art materials to create openly, spontaneously. You prepare the environment, you show up and you trust in the process. The goal of the art in this approach, as in art therapy, is to create something, not for others, to show off, sell or display but because it feels good, it helps you connect to your wisdom and it provides insight.
When you approach art in this way, not planning, just allowing, your creation presents images to you. You play around with colours and textures and notice what emerges. Often, as an image takes shape in your doodle or paint, you have an emotional connection to it, a recognition of the message it brings. As you paint, you become acquainted with, and welcome, this form of communication. You need to pick a time when you are free to create without interruptions and commit to it. It helps to set up a private space so you can create freely without the fear that someone will see your work before you are ready to share it.
If you have a hard time getting started, paint the anxiety you feel about doing this. Choose your favourite colour and paint a geometric shape on the paper with that colour. Start by doodling or graffiti. Blindfold yourself or imagine that you are someone or something else (e.g. an animal). The author suggests: "paint faster and pretend you're going to burn the painting anyway". For clients who are afraid of making a mess, I suggest they make the biggest, ugliest mess they can imagine. This generally results in a wide grin on their face and some vivid, colourful work. If your mind kicks in and starts criticizing your efforts, focus on the pleasant sensations of the experience. "Pretend you're four years old again...that you've never seen paint or brushes before.."
When you paint in this way, you relinquish control. You become your wisdom's tool to bring about colour and images to the blank paper. You are at the service of your art. You must go with your gut when you are selecting a paint brush, choosing a paint colour, deciding which parts of the painting to paint over, which images to develop and which areas of your paper you should explore. Once you have a painting, you can go deeper by asking yourself what the people in your painting would say if they had a voice or even ask your painting what it wants and doing the first thing that comes to your mind. You can "scan for images that may be hidden in abstract shapes" or "look for a space where you sense something is hidden that wants to emerge".
Aviva recommends these strategies if you feel stuck:
Paint yourself stuck in the birth canal
Silence your critic by painting whatever he or she would hate the most
Paint your pain
Paint your emotions
Paint feces, genitals or vomit
I can attest to the beauty of this experience and encourage all of you to try it.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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