October 25th, 2016
We are excited to welcome my mother-in-law back into our home for the Holiday Season. We speak to her every week and she updates us on her preparations. She has purchased thermals because, being from London, she has heard about our nasty winters. Last time she came, we had looked into her medication. In my opinion, she was on too many medications and, upon researching the specific pills she was taking throughout the day, I realized that one of the pills was NOT indicated for someone with diabetes. She is a diabetic. We spoke to her pharmacist, got her an appointment with her doctor and, much to our dismay, they just added one more pill to her regimen. We were really discouraged. It's difficult to do anything from this far away.
She came, she had a great time, she went back and stayed in high spirits for months. Lately, however, our conversations were cut short because she was out of breath. She would either avoid my husband's calls or speak very briefly because she was too tired and out of breath. We became concerned. My husband asked her to go see a doctor. She would agree to it but, when he checked in the next day, she hadn't gone. As her health declined, he finally gave her an ultimatum: go or I will call an ambulance. She went. They diagnosed her with a lung infection and sent her home with antibiotics. She had a bad reaction to the antibiotics, throwing up, diarrhea, feeling weak and, still out of breath.
My husband explained that in the UK, the class system is still very much alive When her mother goes to the clinic for help, they don't assess her medication, listen to her concerns or follow-through with tests, they simply write a prescription and send her on her way. That is how she ended up with so many pills in one day. I think it was somewhere between 9 and 11 pills, some taken multiple times per day.
A friend of my mother-in-law, Lisa, contacted my husband. They had been communicating regarding their shared concerned for her health. My husband urged her to get his mother to the hospital. She took her to the Royal Free, a reputable hospital minutes away from her home. This is a teaching hospital, the very same one that saved my husband's brother three years ago when we all thought he was dying. It didn't take long for them to notice that my mother-in-law was jaundiced, that her breathing was laboured and that she had been misdiagnosed. She did NOT have a lung infection and, she was actually having a negative reaction to the antibiotics. What she did have was a clogged artery. Tests revealed that she was also anemic. Her white cell count was so low she required a blood transfusion. She was experiencing heart failure.
The doctors are taking really good care of her. She was in good spirits when we spoke this morning, feeling stronger, knowing she had been close to death and that she shouldn't have been too stubborn to go to the hospital in the first place. The doctors have taken her off all of her medications. They will be assessing her over the next week. My husband suggested that she enjoy her stay at the hospital, treating it like a hotel. I knew she was feeling better because, while we were Face Timing, she kept looking at the state of her hair in the computer. She's a tough cookie. I am happy that she is in good hands and will probably be in excellent health by the time she comes for a visit in December. However, it disgusts me that so many elderly like her are being overly medicated. Doctors stop listening to their clients. They rush through appointments, add medications to address the latest complaint without going any further in their investigation. "Oh well, she's just getting old", they say. What if she didn't have a friend or son who care about her and push her to get assessed? She would be like one of the many elderly who end up dead through complications caused by their medications, heart attack, stroke or being misdiagnosed.
Baby boomers are aging now and, as more of them go through this flawed health system, I just know they will shake things up. This level of care is unacceptable and inhumane. We need to return to the old days where physicians visited people in their homes and looked for the cause of the symptoms rather than cover them up with chemicals. I have faith in the boomers. Demand the best, accept nothing less.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label aging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aging. Show all posts
Tuesday, 25 October 2016
Thursday, 13 October 2016
Do What You Love Regardless of Outcome
October 13th, 2016
Tomorrow is my daughter's eighth birthday. Both my daughters will stay home to celebrate. I will be eating cake, playing with her new toys, going out for lunch and taking lots of photos so my next post will be on Monday.
Today's post is about perseverance. There are so many sayings like: "Jump and the net will appear" or "Follow your heart and the money will come". I have followed my heart and I jumped without hesitation. Guess what? There was no net or money. However, I get to do what I love every day. This includes taking care of my family, participating in activities that contribute to my community and developing my skills as a writer, public speaker and art therapist. I also enjoy a better work-life balance now that I am my own employer.
This post was inspired by a 100 year old artist named Carmen Herrera. She was born in Havana, Cuba but spent a great deal of her life in New York. Her father was the founder of a newspaper, El Mundo, and her mother was a journalist. Carmen was creating innovative, minimalist art in the 50s along with Frank Stella. As a matter of fact, her geometric shapes and use of colour and contrasts were unparalleled. Why haven't you heard about this artist before now? She's a woman and, in the 50s, she was not included in art shows because of her gender. I
n the documentary, The 100 Years Show, Carmen recalls a moment when she met a woman who was the curator for an art gallery. A friend assured Carmen that this curator admired her work. Carmen went to see this woman, hoping to be included in an art show. This woman explained that she did love her work but she couldn't include a female artist in her exhibits. This shocked Carmen because it was another woman who was placing limitations on her.
Carmen married a photographer who encouraged Carmen's creativity and fully believed that her work would be recognized one day. They were great friends. He passed away at the age of 100 after years of suffering from dementia, becoming dependent on Carmen for his care. Carmen has created every day, finding purpose in "putting order in a chaotic world". No one was buying her art but she created for herself. She created because she simply had to do it. That is true passion.
It turns out, her husband was right. People started to recognize her talent and she is now selling her art, included in art shows, part of the collection in a dozen art galleries and, interviewed in various magazines and newspapers. Starting in 2002, she has enjoyed being a recognized and celebrated artist. While it saddens her that her husband never got to see her efforts pay off, she is grateful for the income. It allows her to stay at home and afford the supports she needs such as an art assistant, a physiotherapist and a chef.
Her documentary is short but inspiring. For all of you who have worked hard and have yet to reap the rewards of your labour, there is hope. Just keep doing what you love. Trust that you are where you are meant to be and, perhaps, one day when you least expect it, your moment will come. Hopefully, you won't be 100 years old when it does.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tomorrow is my daughter's eighth birthday. Both my daughters will stay home to celebrate. I will be eating cake, playing with her new toys, going out for lunch and taking lots of photos so my next post will be on Monday.
Today's post is about perseverance. There are so many sayings like: "Jump and the net will appear" or "Follow your heart and the money will come". I have followed my heart and I jumped without hesitation. Guess what? There was no net or money. However, I get to do what I love every day. This includes taking care of my family, participating in activities that contribute to my community and developing my skills as a writer, public speaker and art therapist. I also enjoy a better work-life balance now that I am my own employer.
This post was inspired by a 100 year old artist named Carmen Herrera. She was born in Havana, Cuba but spent a great deal of her life in New York. Her father was the founder of a newspaper, El Mundo, and her mother was a journalist. Carmen was creating innovative, minimalist art in the 50s along with Frank Stella. As a matter of fact, her geometric shapes and use of colour and contrasts were unparalleled. Why haven't you heard about this artist before now? She's a woman and, in the 50s, she was not included in art shows because of her gender. I
n the documentary, The 100 Years Show, Carmen recalls a moment when she met a woman who was the curator for an art gallery. A friend assured Carmen that this curator admired her work. Carmen went to see this woman, hoping to be included in an art show. This woman explained that she did love her work but she couldn't include a female artist in her exhibits. This shocked Carmen because it was another woman who was placing limitations on her.
Carmen married a photographer who encouraged Carmen's creativity and fully believed that her work would be recognized one day. They were great friends. He passed away at the age of 100 after years of suffering from dementia, becoming dependent on Carmen for his care. Carmen has created every day, finding purpose in "putting order in a chaotic world". No one was buying her art but she created for herself. She created because she simply had to do it. That is true passion.
It turns out, her husband was right. People started to recognize her talent and she is now selling her art, included in art shows, part of the collection in a dozen art galleries and, interviewed in various magazines and newspapers. Starting in 2002, she has enjoyed being a recognized and celebrated artist. While it saddens her that her husband never got to see her efforts pay off, she is grateful for the income. It allows her to stay at home and afford the supports she needs such as an art assistant, a physiotherapist and a chef.
Her documentary is short but inspiring. For all of you who have worked hard and have yet to reap the rewards of your labour, there is hope. Just keep doing what you love. Trust that you are where you are meant to be and, perhaps, one day when you least expect it, your moment will come. Hopefully, you won't be 100 years old when it does.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 11 March 2016
Interview with a 40+ Woman
March 11th, 2016
Today, I had an opportunity to sit with a woman I have come to respect. CT is the most positive, open, non-judgmental woman I have ever met and I enjoy her company. We sat in a sunny room, eating scones, drinking lattes and I got to ask my questions.
As I suspected, CT doesn't care about age. She knows people from different age groups and, to her, 40 is just another number. At the age of 43, she hasn't made any major changes in her life. She simply has more clarity about what she wants to do. She feels more committed, less willing to let things "not happen". CT is also less worried about letting people know her views. She now values her experiences. She feels more reflective. She has a growing awareness about how variable time can be. "In your 40s you experience friends and family getting sick".
I asked CT what she has learned about aging from the women around her. "Most of the people I know, aging doesn't bother them. Their metabolism changes, they can't do the same things as before. That may bother them but it's ok. The experience of aging for women has lots of constructs we can't avoid. We gather. My mom still has friends from University. A guy friend of mine meets up with his childhood friend for breakfast once a week. Many enjoy it, being retired. They get to be involved in projects they like". CT talks about friends whose partners are ill or who have their own health issues. "It is not an easier time of life but you have experience to sit on".
CT doesn't think she is any different from her younger self. "It depends on the situation. Personality traits come out more strongly depending on the situation". She is increasingly aware of things like who she is, aspects that are her strengths or other aspects that need some work. Given the chance to start over she doesn't think she would change anything. Asked what she is proud of, CT says she's pretty happy. "I like the people around me, I like the kids around me". Her friends and family are most important to her at this time in her life as well as her health. She turns to friends and family for support when she needs it. When she wants to recharge her batteries, CT goes out for a walk. Walking is integral to her well-being.
I ask CT why she thinks so many women make drastic changes in their 40s. She believes that hormones play a role for sure. "Experiences in your 40s have some meaning. There are changes in your body and your life, good changes but you can't control them. This affects us because we are socialized to control things and we can't. It's worse now, we're told there are pills to change things. Also, you know things now and they can be in conflict". She now understands some of the decisions her parents made when she was growing up. "I now understand that you own your mistakes, you own your choices".
When asked to offer advice to the next generation of teenagers, CT was quiet, contemplating her answer. She varied between no advice "because shitty things can happen" and simply recommending that they "trust in possibilites." She hopes to provide support for the next generation. "They have their own stuff to figure out. This belongs to the 'can't control' category. We all die eventually and when we do, we can leave values behind but we can't control what happens".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today, I had an opportunity to sit with a woman I have come to respect. CT is the most positive, open, non-judgmental woman I have ever met and I enjoy her company. We sat in a sunny room, eating scones, drinking lattes and I got to ask my questions.
As I suspected, CT doesn't care about age. She knows people from different age groups and, to her, 40 is just another number. At the age of 43, she hasn't made any major changes in her life. She simply has more clarity about what she wants to do. She feels more committed, less willing to let things "not happen". CT is also less worried about letting people know her views. She now values her experiences. She feels more reflective. She has a growing awareness about how variable time can be. "In your 40s you experience friends and family getting sick".
I asked CT what she has learned about aging from the women around her. "Most of the people I know, aging doesn't bother them. Their metabolism changes, they can't do the same things as before. That may bother them but it's ok. The experience of aging for women has lots of constructs we can't avoid. We gather. My mom still has friends from University. A guy friend of mine meets up with his childhood friend for breakfast once a week. Many enjoy it, being retired. They get to be involved in projects they like". CT talks about friends whose partners are ill or who have their own health issues. "It is not an easier time of life but you have experience to sit on".
CT doesn't think she is any different from her younger self. "It depends on the situation. Personality traits come out more strongly depending on the situation". She is increasingly aware of things like who she is, aspects that are her strengths or other aspects that need some work. Given the chance to start over she doesn't think she would change anything. Asked what she is proud of, CT says she's pretty happy. "I like the people around me, I like the kids around me". Her friends and family are most important to her at this time in her life as well as her health. She turns to friends and family for support when she needs it. When she wants to recharge her batteries, CT goes out for a walk. Walking is integral to her well-being.
I ask CT why she thinks so many women make drastic changes in their 40s. She believes that hormones play a role for sure. "Experiences in your 40s have some meaning. There are changes in your body and your life, good changes but you can't control them. This affects us because we are socialized to control things and we can't. It's worse now, we're told there are pills to change things. Also, you know things now and they can be in conflict". She now understands some of the decisions her parents made when she was growing up. "I now understand that you own your mistakes, you own your choices".
When asked to offer advice to the next generation of teenagers, CT was quiet, contemplating her answer. She varied between no advice "because shitty things can happen" and simply recommending that they "trust in possibilites." She hopes to provide support for the next generation. "They have their own stuff to figure out. This belongs to the 'can't control' category. We all die eventually and when we do, we can leave values behind but we can't control what happens".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 5 February 2016
Interview with a 40+ year old woman-HS
February 5th, 2016
When HS was 34 years old, she thought to herself that if she was still in the same spot in 10 years she would cry. She was facing a career crisis and decided to leave her stable, permanent position to pursue something more meaningful.
On her 39th birthday, she had a meltdown and cried. She was upset about not being where she expected to be by her 39th birthday. She was divorced, she had no children and she struggled with her career. She questioned everything about her life, starting with: Where did the last decade go? She looked at her grandma's silver and felt sad, she had no one to serve. She worried that, without children, she had no legacy to leave behind.
Two days after her 39th birthday she found out her sister's children were being taken away. She stepped in and took over the care of her niece and nephew, a 5 and 10 year old with high needs. She became a crisis parent and had to redefine herself as a family person. This was a sudden switch. She had adjusted to life after divorce. She enjoyed an active life with friends and many social and cultural outings. She loved to go dancing.
Suddenly, she was on house arrest. CAS is very strict regarding the people who are allowed to supervise the children so she couldn't leave them with a babysitter. She had no night off, no relief. She was no longer herself, just a parent. She worried that her chances of ever getting married were getting slim to impossible. It was challenging enough to find a man who would take on a woman and her children but she was raising someone else's children. On top of all this, she needed to switch jobs again. She had found meaningful work with a non-profit but her pay could not support the children. She set off to find a higher paying job that would help her provide for the children even if it wasn't the type of work that brought her any joy. The children came first.
This was her life as she turned 40. Then, 14 months after she had become a mom, her niece and nephew were adopted by another relative. Now she was grieving. In the past year, she had lost her dog, her horse and now the children that she imagined would be with her forever. The stress of it all affected her performance at work and when they went through restructuring she lost her job. The stress was causing health issues as well. She felt like the last few decades were like a revolving door and she had been spit out, weakened and alone.
She felt old. "In your 30s you can fake being in your 20s but by your 40s there's no turning back. No one calls you Miss anymore". HS got fed up of looking back and grieving. She was surrounded by older women who were healthy and thriving. She decided to look forward instead and she thinks this saved her. She sat down and wrote a bucket list. She wanted to try things she was interested in because "you can't control what life throws at you but you can keep trying". She thought about the next 10-20 years and asked herself what she'd like those years to look like. She knew she couldn't make healthy decisions from an unhealthy place so she began running, even on days she didn't feel like it. She waited until six months had passed since the children were adopted before she made any important decisions. She had felt the urge to sell everything and travel but she knew to allow some grieving time before she moved forward. She sorted through which opportunities she'd like to pursue. She was determined to knock on doors and see which ones would open.
HS is now 43 years old. She has written two books and is completing her PhD. Attending University has been a humbling experience. The student life is reminiscent of her 20s yet everything is different: a lot of information is online, her fellow students have their own jargon which she doesn't understand and learning requires more work than she remembers. However, she looks at her older friends and is inspired by them. "They have a sparkle in their eyes, they are fit and living their life. I want to be like them when I'm older". She feels like she has pressed a reset button and is starting a new chapter in her life. She no longer feels stuck on a train track heading nowhere. She has heard stories of people who did their best work in their later years. She plans to have the most productive years ahead of her. The work on her PhD is very meaningful and therapeutic.
If she could start over she would undo her marriage. She would socialize differently and marry someone else. She also would have completed a more practical degree like psychology or law. She feels that if she had been better supported as a child, she would have been more aware and recognized red flags like the ones her ex-husband was throwing her way.
HS is proud that she managed to get through the challenging times. Despite these difficult experiences, she has remained "young and hopeful rather than falling into anger and bitterness". She perceives the midlife crisis as an adult temper tantrum. "When you are younger you try to make things go your way then you realize it isn't working and you freak out. As you get older, you learn to go with the flow".
At this time in her life, she is trying to make healthy decisions that are authentic, not based on fears and panic. She treats her current fears the same way as the monster under the bed when she was a child. You are afraid of the monster under the bed but you get up and go to the washroom anyways. HS finds that physical activities in nature are the best outlets for her stress. It is where she goes to recharge. When she introduces others to nature, she feels energized. She has many friends she can turn to for support but a lot of them live far away so she is grateful for Skype. She has a better understanding of what is going on with her at this age and has learned to ask for what she needs. She no longer struggles with being on her own. She has less energy than she used to so she tends to collaborate with others. She gets energy from these collaborations and the many projects she leads.
One day, when she has completed her PhD and has a permanent job, HS would like to take a single mom under her wing. She thinks our individualistic culture neglects people who require support. "People have so much potential, they just need to feel supported, not so alone". She is passionate about including every member of society into the community and providing the necessary support so everyone has a chance.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
When HS was 34 years old, she thought to herself that if she was still in the same spot in 10 years she would cry. She was facing a career crisis and decided to leave her stable, permanent position to pursue something more meaningful.
On her 39th birthday, she had a meltdown and cried. She was upset about not being where she expected to be by her 39th birthday. She was divorced, she had no children and she struggled with her career. She questioned everything about her life, starting with: Where did the last decade go? She looked at her grandma's silver and felt sad, she had no one to serve. She worried that, without children, she had no legacy to leave behind.
Two days after her 39th birthday she found out her sister's children were being taken away. She stepped in and took over the care of her niece and nephew, a 5 and 10 year old with high needs. She became a crisis parent and had to redefine herself as a family person. This was a sudden switch. She had adjusted to life after divorce. She enjoyed an active life with friends and many social and cultural outings. She loved to go dancing.
Suddenly, she was on house arrest. CAS is very strict regarding the people who are allowed to supervise the children so she couldn't leave them with a babysitter. She had no night off, no relief. She was no longer herself, just a parent. She worried that her chances of ever getting married were getting slim to impossible. It was challenging enough to find a man who would take on a woman and her children but she was raising someone else's children. On top of all this, she needed to switch jobs again. She had found meaningful work with a non-profit but her pay could not support the children. She set off to find a higher paying job that would help her provide for the children even if it wasn't the type of work that brought her any joy. The children came first.
This was her life as she turned 40. Then, 14 months after she had become a mom, her niece and nephew were adopted by another relative. Now she was grieving. In the past year, she had lost her dog, her horse and now the children that she imagined would be with her forever. The stress of it all affected her performance at work and when they went through restructuring she lost her job. The stress was causing health issues as well. She felt like the last few decades were like a revolving door and she had been spit out, weakened and alone.
She felt old. "In your 30s you can fake being in your 20s but by your 40s there's no turning back. No one calls you Miss anymore". HS got fed up of looking back and grieving. She was surrounded by older women who were healthy and thriving. She decided to look forward instead and she thinks this saved her. She sat down and wrote a bucket list. She wanted to try things she was interested in because "you can't control what life throws at you but you can keep trying". She thought about the next 10-20 years and asked herself what she'd like those years to look like. She knew she couldn't make healthy decisions from an unhealthy place so she began running, even on days she didn't feel like it. She waited until six months had passed since the children were adopted before she made any important decisions. She had felt the urge to sell everything and travel but she knew to allow some grieving time before she moved forward. She sorted through which opportunities she'd like to pursue. She was determined to knock on doors and see which ones would open.
HS is now 43 years old. She has written two books and is completing her PhD. Attending University has been a humbling experience. The student life is reminiscent of her 20s yet everything is different: a lot of information is online, her fellow students have their own jargon which she doesn't understand and learning requires more work than she remembers. However, she looks at her older friends and is inspired by them. "They have a sparkle in their eyes, they are fit and living their life. I want to be like them when I'm older". She feels like she has pressed a reset button and is starting a new chapter in her life. She no longer feels stuck on a train track heading nowhere. She has heard stories of people who did their best work in their later years. She plans to have the most productive years ahead of her. The work on her PhD is very meaningful and therapeutic.
If she could start over she would undo her marriage. She would socialize differently and marry someone else. She also would have completed a more practical degree like psychology or law. She feels that if she had been better supported as a child, she would have been more aware and recognized red flags like the ones her ex-husband was throwing her way.
HS is proud that she managed to get through the challenging times. Despite these difficult experiences, she has remained "young and hopeful rather than falling into anger and bitterness". She perceives the midlife crisis as an adult temper tantrum. "When you are younger you try to make things go your way then you realize it isn't working and you freak out. As you get older, you learn to go with the flow".
At this time in her life, she is trying to make healthy decisions that are authentic, not based on fears and panic. She treats her current fears the same way as the monster under the bed when she was a child. You are afraid of the monster under the bed but you get up and go to the washroom anyways. HS finds that physical activities in nature are the best outlets for her stress. It is where she goes to recharge. When she introduces others to nature, she feels energized. She has many friends she can turn to for support but a lot of them live far away so she is grateful for Skype. She has a better understanding of what is going on with her at this age and has learned to ask for what she needs. She no longer struggles with being on her own. She has less energy than she used to so she tends to collaborate with others. She gets energy from these collaborations and the many projects she leads.
One day, when she has completed her PhD and has a permanent job, HS would like to take a single mom under her wing. She thinks our individualistic culture neglects people who require support. "People have so much potential, they just need to feel supported, not so alone". She is passionate about including every member of society into the community and providing the necessary support so everyone has a chance.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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