June 16th, 2016
Today, I went into TLC to look into the price of renting a chair to sit in the shower, a transport wheelchair, a hand-held shower head and many other implements. We are preparing for a visit from my mother-in-law, a vibrant, fun-loving woman who has some health concerns and mobility issues. We want her to be as comfortable as possible during her stay with us.
Stepping into this shop brought me back to my days working in long term care. I was surrounded by geriatric chairs, walkers and quad canes. As I drove away, I started to reminisce about the women I encountered through my work. I spent some time managing a locked unit but before then, I was working as a mobile art therapist travelling from one unit to the next.
I learned so much from the ladies I met at that time. I noticed that their approach to life now reflected the approach they had always had to life. I also got to hear their stories and learn from their successes and mistakes. One lady told me about her husband who neglected her and stressed her out. When this lovely woman had a stroke, that same husband never came to visit her.
I saw so many women who had five children but never had any visitors. Initially, I assumed they must have been an abusive mother or, have somehow alienated their adult children. However, it is so common that I think they can't all be abusive alcoholic moms. There is something else going on here. When I ask about their children, they tell me that they live out of town or have crazy jobs and very little time to visit. It's very sad because someday she won't be there anymore and they'll want to hear her voice or see her face. It'll be too late.
I have made decisions based on what they have shared with me. Here are some things they have taught me:
1-Don't let a man treat you like dirt
2-Communication is key to a successful marriage
3-Do what you love
4-Don't care what others think or say about you
5-Friends are important, make time for them
6-Enjoy your children when they are young, it feels long but it will actually fly by and you'll miss it later
7-Say yes to life, don't sit on the sidelines because you're scared of being judged or because of your weight
8-Spend your money on experiences not on a new shirt, you'll forget about clothing but you'll remember the experience and so will everyone who was with you
9-Be yourself
10-Your health is your most important asset, don't take it for granted
So there you have it, now you know what older, wiser women wish they knew when they were younger. If you follow their advice, you too can get to a ripe old age and pass your wisdom on to the next generation.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label woman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label woman. Show all posts
Thursday, 16 June 2016
Friday, 11 March 2016
Interview with a 40+ Woman
March 11th, 2016
Today, I had an opportunity to sit with a woman I have come to respect. CT is the most positive, open, non-judgmental woman I have ever met and I enjoy her company. We sat in a sunny room, eating scones, drinking lattes and I got to ask my questions.
As I suspected, CT doesn't care about age. She knows people from different age groups and, to her, 40 is just another number. At the age of 43, she hasn't made any major changes in her life. She simply has more clarity about what she wants to do. She feels more committed, less willing to let things "not happen". CT is also less worried about letting people know her views. She now values her experiences. She feels more reflective. She has a growing awareness about how variable time can be. "In your 40s you experience friends and family getting sick".
I asked CT what she has learned about aging from the women around her. "Most of the people I know, aging doesn't bother them. Their metabolism changes, they can't do the same things as before. That may bother them but it's ok. The experience of aging for women has lots of constructs we can't avoid. We gather. My mom still has friends from University. A guy friend of mine meets up with his childhood friend for breakfast once a week. Many enjoy it, being retired. They get to be involved in projects they like". CT talks about friends whose partners are ill or who have their own health issues. "It is not an easier time of life but you have experience to sit on".
CT doesn't think she is any different from her younger self. "It depends on the situation. Personality traits come out more strongly depending on the situation". She is increasingly aware of things like who she is, aspects that are her strengths or other aspects that need some work. Given the chance to start over she doesn't think she would change anything. Asked what she is proud of, CT says she's pretty happy. "I like the people around me, I like the kids around me". Her friends and family are most important to her at this time in her life as well as her health. She turns to friends and family for support when she needs it. When she wants to recharge her batteries, CT goes out for a walk. Walking is integral to her well-being.
I ask CT why she thinks so many women make drastic changes in their 40s. She believes that hormones play a role for sure. "Experiences in your 40s have some meaning. There are changes in your body and your life, good changes but you can't control them. This affects us because we are socialized to control things and we can't. It's worse now, we're told there are pills to change things. Also, you know things now and they can be in conflict". She now understands some of the decisions her parents made when she was growing up. "I now understand that you own your mistakes, you own your choices".
When asked to offer advice to the next generation of teenagers, CT was quiet, contemplating her answer. She varied between no advice "because shitty things can happen" and simply recommending that they "trust in possibilites." She hopes to provide support for the next generation. "They have their own stuff to figure out. This belongs to the 'can't control' category. We all die eventually and when we do, we can leave values behind but we can't control what happens".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today, I had an opportunity to sit with a woman I have come to respect. CT is the most positive, open, non-judgmental woman I have ever met and I enjoy her company. We sat in a sunny room, eating scones, drinking lattes and I got to ask my questions.
As I suspected, CT doesn't care about age. She knows people from different age groups and, to her, 40 is just another number. At the age of 43, she hasn't made any major changes in her life. She simply has more clarity about what she wants to do. She feels more committed, less willing to let things "not happen". CT is also less worried about letting people know her views. She now values her experiences. She feels more reflective. She has a growing awareness about how variable time can be. "In your 40s you experience friends and family getting sick".
I asked CT what she has learned about aging from the women around her. "Most of the people I know, aging doesn't bother them. Their metabolism changes, they can't do the same things as before. That may bother them but it's ok. The experience of aging for women has lots of constructs we can't avoid. We gather. My mom still has friends from University. A guy friend of mine meets up with his childhood friend for breakfast once a week. Many enjoy it, being retired. They get to be involved in projects they like". CT talks about friends whose partners are ill or who have their own health issues. "It is not an easier time of life but you have experience to sit on".
CT doesn't think she is any different from her younger self. "It depends on the situation. Personality traits come out more strongly depending on the situation". She is increasingly aware of things like who she is, aspects that are her strengths or other aspects that need some work. Given the chance to start over she doesn't think she would change anything. Asked what she is proud of, CT says she's pretty happy. "I like the people around me, I like the kids around me". Her friends and family are most important to her at this time in her life as well as her health. She turns to friends and family for support when she needs it. When she wants to recharge her batteries, CT goes out for a walk. Walking is integral to her well-being.
I ask CT why she thinks so many women make drastic changes in their 40s. She believes that hormones play a role for sure. "Experiences in your 40s have some meaning. There are changes in your body and your life, good changes but you can't control them. This affects us because we are socialized to control things and we can't. It's worse now, we're told there are pills to change things. Also, you know things now and they can be in conflict". She now understands some of the decisions her parents made when she was growing up. "I now understand that you own your mistakes, you own your choices".
When asked to offer advice to the next generation of teenagers, CT was quiet, contemplating her answer. She varied between no advice "because shitty things can happen" and simply recommending that they "trust in possibilites." She hopes to provide support for the next generation. "They have their own stuff to figure out. This belongs to the 'can't control' category. We all die eventually and when we do, we can leave values behind but we can't control what happens".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 25 February 2016
Louise Bourgeois-Art at ANY age
February 24th, 2016
When I was completing my art portfolio at the Ottawa School of Art, I received an assignment in my Art History class. Students had to pick an artist from a list of names, research this artist and present him or her to the class. I chose an obscure name, not Matisse or Picasso but Louise Bourgeois. I was surrounded by gifted artists and I was just passing through but I thought I could do a really good job at researching and presenting this artist.
I wasted no time reading up on Mrs Bourgeois and she rocked my world. I watched videos of this little old lady sculpting out of marble and metal. This tiny, frail elderly woman was fighting censors who objected to sexual imagery. She produced art to advocate for the rights of gay and lesbian individuals to marry. She also created art to support awareness and advocacy for ACT UP, an AIDS activist organization.
Louise Bourgeois was inspired to create art that examined sexuality, gender roles as well as the duality of vulnerability and control. She used her art to process early childhood trauma, mainly her awareness that her father was cheating on her ill mother with Louise's English tutor. Her father was domineering, making everyone else feel small and insignificant, including Louise. She explored her mother's vulnerability as well as her strength through projects like Femme Maison and Maman.
Femme Maison is a series of drawings, painting and sculptures of women's bodies either standing sideways or facing the viewer, sometimes the legs are straight but they can also be spread, feet touching to form a diamond. The head or sometimes the entire upper half of the body is a house instead of a head. This shows the women's preoccupation with everything domestic while being cut off from the rest of society. The sculpture I saw displayed a woman on her back, on the floor. Her head stuffed into what looks like a dog house.
Her series of spiders made of steel and marble is called Maman. They are an ode to her mother's strength and protective nature. Louise loved her mother. She watched her repair tapestries and saw this ability to fix things, like a spider working on her web, as a strength.
Her feelings about her father were also expressed through her art. Her sculpture, Fillette, is a two foot latex penis complete with head, shaft and testicles. I saw a photo of it hanging from a wire thread through the head, just dangling from the wall. During a photo shoot with Robert Mapplethorpe, she posed with her penis sculpture tucked in under her arm. The title of this phallic sculpture, Fillette, is meant to poke fun at it.
Much of Louise's work has a voyeuristic quality to it. She sculpted eyes out of metal and marble. She created installations called cells where you walked into a scenario that was meant to elicit an emotional response. There were some cells that you didn't walk into, you were just allowed to peer through an opening. In I Do. I Undo. I Redo. people were presented with three towers measuring 9 metres high, surrounded by spiral staircases. Guests were meant to climb up to the platform where they would see a jar with a figure of a mother and her child. The platforms were surrounded by huge mirrors so spectators could watch visitors interact with the art and with one another. In her Destruction of the Father installation, you witness the aftermath of a murder scene. She and a sibling have killed their father, dismembered and eaten him.
Louise was actively creating right up to her death. Her last creations were completed a week prior to her death at 98 years of age. For the last two years of her life, friend and photographer Alex Van Gelder photographed Mrs Bourgeois. In one photo she is wearing a black mask and holding a knife. In another photo she is staring at her aged face in the mirror. She was still showing her work in Museums in 2000 and 2001 in her 80s. This artist has examined many controversial subjects, creating provocative art with a variety of art mediums. She was creating and pushing buttons until her last breath in 2010. A life well lived, a great example for women everywhere, especially those who say they are too old to start creating.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
When I was completing my art portfolio at the Ottawa School of Art, I received an assignment in my Art History class. Students had to pick an artist from a list of names, research this artist and present him or her to the class. I chose an obscure name, not Matisse or Picasso but Louise Bourgeois. I was surrounded by gifted artists and I was just passing through but I thought I could do a really good job at researching and presenting this artist.
I wasted no time reading up on Mrs Bourgeois and she rocked my world. I watched videos of this little old lady sculpting out of marble and metal. This tiny, frail elderly woman was fighting censors who objected to sexual imagery. She produced art to advocate for the rights of gay and lesbian individuals to marry. She also created art to support awareness and advocacy for ACT UP, an AIDS activist organization.
Louise Bourgeois was inspired to create art that examined sexuality, gender roles as well as the duality of vulnerability and control. She used her art to process early childhood trauma, mainly her awareness that her father was cheating on her ill mother with Louise's English tutor. Her father was domineering, making everyone else feel small and insignificant, including Louise. She explored her mother's vulnerability as well as her strength through projects like Femme Maison and Maman.
Femme Maison is a series of drawings, painting and sculptures of women's bodies either standing sideways or facing the viewer, sometimes the legs are straight but they can also be spread, feet touching to form a diamond. The head or sometimes the entire upper half of the body is a house instead of a head. This shows the women's preoccupation with everything domestic while being cut off from the rest of society. The sculpture I saw displayed a woman on her back, on the floor. Her head stuffed into what looks like a dog house.
Her series of spiders made of steel and marble is called Maman. They are an ode to her mother's strength and protective nature. Louise loved her mother. She watched her repair tapestries and saw this ability to fix things, like a spider working on her web, as a strength.
Her feelings about her father were also expressed through her art. Her sculpture, Fillette, is a two foot latex penis complete with head, shaft and testicles. I saw a photo of it hanging from a wire thread through the head, just dangling from the wall. During a photo shoot with Robert Mapplethorpe, she posed with her penis sculpture tucked in under her arm. The title of this phallic sculpture, Fillette, is meant to poke fun at it.
Much of Louise's work has a voyeuristic quality to it. She sculpted eyes out of metal and marble. She created installations called cells where you walked into a scenario that was meant to elicit an emotional response. There were some cells that you didn't walk into, you were just allowed to peer through an opening. In I Do. I Undo. I Redo. people were presented with three towers measuring 9 metres high, surrounded by spiral staircases. Guests were meant to climb up to the platform where they would see a jar with a figure of a mother and her child. The platforms were surrounded by huge mirrors so spectators could watch visitors interact with the art and with one another. In her Destruction of the Father installation, you witness the aftermath of a murder scene. She and a sibling have killed their father, dismembered and eaten him.
Louise was actively creating right up to her death. Her last creations were completed a week prior to her death at 98 years of age. For the last two years of her life, friend and photographer Alex Van Gelder photographed Mrs Bourgeois. In one photo she is wearing a black mask and holding a knife. In another photo she is staring at her aged face in the mirror. She was still showing her work in Museums in 2000 and 2001 in her 80s. This artist has examined many controversial subjects, creating provocative art with a variety of art mediums. She was creating and pushing buttons until her last breath in 2010. A life well lived, a great example for women everywhere, especially those who say they are too old to start creating.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 5 February 2016
Interview with a 40+ year old woman-HS
February 5th, 2016
When HS was 34 years old, she thought to herself that if she was still in the same spot in 10 years she would cry. She was facing a career crisis and decided to leave her stable, permanent position to pursue something more meaningful.
On her 39th birthday, she had a meltdown and cried. She was upset about not being where she expected to be by her 39th birthday. She was divorced, she had no children and she struggled with her career. She questioned everything about her life, starting with: Where did the last decade go? She looked at her grandma's silver and felt sad, she had no one to serve. She worried that, without children, she had no legacy to leave behind.
Two days after her 39th birthday she found out her sister's children were being taken away. She stepped in and took over the care of her niece and nephew, a 5 and 10 year old with high needs. She became a crisis parent and had to redefine herself as a family person. This was a sudden switch. She had adjusted to life after divorce. She enjoyed an active life with friends and many social and cultural outings. She loved to go dancing.
Suddenly, she was on house arrest. CAS is very strict regarding the people who are allowed to supervise the children so she couldn't leave them with a babysitter. She had no night off, no relief. She was no longer herself, just a parent. She worried that her chances of ever getting married were getting slim to impossible. It was challenging enough to find a man who would take on a woman and her children but she was raising someone else's children. On top of all this, she needed to switch jobs again. She had found meaningful work with a non-profit but her pay could not support the children. She set off to find a higher paying job that would help her provide for the children even if it wasn't the type of work that brought her any joy. The children came first.
This was her life as she turned 40. Then, 14 months after she had become a mom, her niece and nephew were adopted by another relative. Now she was grieving. In the past year, she had lost her dog, her horse and now the children that she imagined would be with her forever. The stress of it all affected her performance at work and when they went through restructuring she lost her job. The stress was causing health issues as well. She felt like the last few decades were like a revolving door and she had been spit out, weakened and alone.
She felt old. "In your 30s you can fake being in your 20s but by your 40s there's no turning back. No one calls you Miss anymore". HS got fed up of looking back and grieving. She was surrounded by older women who were healthy and thriving. She decided to look forward instead and she thinks this saved her. She sat down and wrote a bucket list. She wanted to try things she was interested in because "you can't control what life throws at you but you can keep trying". She thought about the next 10-20 years and asked herself what she'd like those years to look like. She knew she couldn't make healthy decisions from an unhealthy place so she began running, even on days she didn't feel like it. She waited until six months had passed since the children were adopted before she made any important decisions. She had felt the urge to sell everything and travel but she knew to allow some grieving time before she moved forward. She sorted through which opportunities she'd like to pursue. She was determined to knock on doors and see which ones would open.
HS is now 43 years old. She has written two books and is completing her PhD. Attending University has been a humbling experience. The student life is reminiscent of her 20s yet everything is different: a lot of information is online, her fellow students have their own jargon which she doesn't understand and learning requires more work than she remembers. However, she looks at her older friends and is inspired by them. "They have a sparkle in their eyes, they are fit and living their life. I want to be like them when I'm older". She feels like she has pressed a reset button and is starting a new chapter in her life. She no longer feels stuck on a train track heading nowhere. She has heard stories of people who did their best work in their later years. She plans to have the most productive years ahead of her. The work on her PhD is very meaningful and therapeutic.
If she could start over she would undo her marriage. She would socialize differently and marry someone else. She also would have completed a more practical degree like psychology or law. She feels that if she had been better supported as a child, she would have been more aware and recognized red flags like the ones her ex-husband was throwing her way.
HS is proud that she managed to get through the challenging times. Despite these difficult experiences, she has remained "young and hopeful rather than falling into anger and bitterness". She perceives the midlife crisis as an adult temper tantrum. "When you are younger you try to make things go your way then you realize it isn't working and you freak out. As you get older, you learn to go with the flow".
At this time in her life, she is trying to make healthy decisions that are authentic, not based on fears and panic. She treats her current fears the same way as the monster under the bed when she was a child. You are afraid of the monster under the bed but you get up and go to the washroom anyways. HS finds that physical activities in nature are the best outlets for her stress. It is where she goes to recharge. When she introduces others to nature, she feels energized. She has many friends she can turn to for support but a lot of them live far away so she is grateful for Skype. She has a better understanding of what is going on with her at this age and has learned to ask for what she needs. She no longer struggles with being on her own. She has less energy than she used to so she tends to collaborate with others. She gets energy from these collaborations and the many projects she leads.
One day, when she has completed her PhD and has a permanent job, HS would like to take a single mom under her wing. She thinks our individualistic culture neglects people who require support. "People have so much potential, they just need to feel supported, not so alone". She is passionate about including every member of society into the community and providing the necessary support so everyone has a chance.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
When HS was 34 years old, she thought to herself that if she was still in the same spot in 10 years she would cry. She was facing a career crisis and decided to leave her stable, permanent position to pursue something more meaningful.
On her 39th birthday, she had a meltdown and cried. She was upset about not being where she expected to be by her 39th birthday. She was divorced, she had no children and she struggled with her career. She questioned everything about her life, starting with: Where did the last decade go? She looked at her grandma's silver and felt sad, she had no one to serve. She worried that, without children, she had no legacy to leave behind.
Two days after her 39th birthday she found out her sister's children were being taken away. She stepped in and took over the care of her niece and nephew, a 5 and 10 year old with high needs. She became a crisis parent and had to redefine herself as a family person. This was a sudden switch. She had adjusted to life after divorce. She enjoyed an active life with friends and many social and cultural outings. She loved to go dancing.
Suddenly, she was on house arrest. CAS is very strict regarding the people who are allowed to supervise the children so she couldn't leave them with a babysitter. She had no night off, no relief. She was no longer herself, just a parent. She worried that her chances of ever getting married were getting slim to impossible. It was challenging enough to find a man who would take on a woman and her children but she was raising someone else's children. On top of all this, she needed to switch jobs again. She had found meaningful work with a non-profit but her pay could not support the children. She set off to find a higher paying job that would help her provide for the children even if it wasn't the type of work that brought her any joy. The children came first.
This was her life as she turned 40. Then, 14 months after she had become a mom, her niece and nephew were adopted by another relative. Now she was grieving. In the past year, she had lost her dog, her horse and now the children that she imagined would be with her forever. The stress of it all affected her performance at work and when they went through restructuring she lost her job. The stress was causing health issues as well. She felt like the last few decades were like a revolving door and she had been spit out, weakened and alone.
She felt old. "In your 30s you can fake being in your 20s but by your 40s there's no turning back. No one calls you Miss anymore". HS got fed up of looking back and grieving. She was surrounded by older women who were healthy and thriving. She decided to look forward instead and she thinks this saved her. She sat down and wrote a bucket list. She wanted to try things she was interested in because "you can't control what life throws at you but you can keep trying". She thought about the next 10-20 years and asked herself what she'd like those years to look like. She knew she couldn't make healthy decisions from an unhealthy place so she began running, even on days she didn't feel like it. She waited until six months had passed since the children were adopted before she made any important decisions. She had felt the urge to sell everything and travel but she knew to allow some grieving time before she moved forward. She sorted through which opportunities she'd like to pursue. She was determined to knock on doors and see which ones would open.
HS is now 43 years old. She has written two books and is completing her PhD. Attending University has been a humbling experience. The student life is reminiscent of her 20s yet everything is different: a lot of information is online, her fellow students have their own jargon which she doesn't understand and learning requires more work than she remembers. However, she looks at her older friends and is inspired by them. "They have a sparkle in their eyes, they are fit and living their life. I want to be like them when I'm older". She feels like she has pressed a reset button and is starting a new chapter in her life. She no longer feels stuck on a train track heading nowhere. She has heard stories of people who did their best work in their later years. She plans to have the most productive years ahead of her. The work on her PhD is very meaningful and therapeutic.
If she could start over she would undo her marriage. She would socialize differently and marry someone else. She also would have completed a more practical degree like psychology or law. She feels that if she had been better supported as a child, she would have been more aware and recognized red flags like the ones her ex-husband was throwing her way.
HS is proud that she managed to get through the challenging times. Despite these difficult experiences, she has remained "young and hopeful rather than falling into anger and bitterness". She perceives the midlife crisis as an adult temper tantrum. "When you are younger you try to make things go your way then you realize it isn't working and you freak out. As you get older, you learn to go with the flow".
At this time in her life, she is trying to make healthy decisions that are authentic, not based on fears and panic. She treats her current fears the same way as the monster under the bed when she was a child. You are afraid of the monster under the bed but you get up and go to the washroom anyways. HS finds that physical activities in nature are the best outlets for her stress. It is where she goes to recharge. When she introduces others to nature, she feels energized. She has many friends she can turn to for support but a lot of them live far away so she is grateful for Skype. She has a better understanding of what is going on with her at this age and has learned to ask for what she needs. She no longer struggles with being on her own. She has less energy than she used to so she tends to collaborate with others. She gets energy from these collaborations and the many projects she leads.
One day, when she has completed her PhD and has a permanent job, HS would like to take a single mom under her wing. She thinks our individualistic culture neglects people who require support. "People have so much potential, they just need to feel supported, not so alone". She is passionate about including every member of society into the community and providing the necessary support so everyone has a chance.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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