Self-Care and Asking WHY

February 7th, 2016

I was feeling stuck today. I want to stick to my decision to write every day but I couldn't pick a topic. I decided to write about self-care because it is so important for women to learn to care as much about themselves as they do about others. It is also important for loved ones to see that we value ourselves. It's a reminder to your children that your life is more than just motherhood. It communicates to your partner that you expect to be treated with respect. It lets your boss know that your weekends are off-limits, that you have a life outside of working hours.

I was doing a search last week and I stumbled onto a video by a guy named Simon Sinek. He writes and speaks about leadership. His premise is that companies who don't strive, focus on what they are offering. Companies who succeed communicate why they exist. Between the "what" and the "why" is the "how". This is understanding how you achieve what you set out to do.

These two topics may not seem related but they are. Self-care is not about being selfish. Most of us emulate our earliest role models, women who served others first and put their needs last. Women who felt it was selfish to do something for ourselves. However, it is not selfish at all. If all you do is give to others, you will become depleted and resentful. At that point you won't have the energy to take care of yourself let alone your loved ones. If you had performed some self-care maintenance along the way, your tank would still be full and you would still be going strong.

Here is where the why comes into the equation. For the most part, our lives are out of balance. We act like we are computers. We try to get more done, faster with less breaks. We run around drinking more coffee to keep up the pace. Our schedules are full, the pace is quick and there is no time to waste. Our to-do list are the whats of our life. What do I have to do today? We often don't know how we will get it all done. However, we leave out the why. Just like a successful business starts with why, I feel that a balanced life involves taking a good look at our life and asking why we are doing what we are doing.

Let's begin:

Career
If you are currently employed, why do you work where you work? Be honest with yourself. Is this where you want to work or is it what others expect of you? If you are the busiest person at the office, why is that? Is it because you genuinely love your work and feel energized when you take on new projects or responsibilities? Or, is it because you don't have a life? Or, is it because you desperately want the approval of your boss and/or colleagues? If you find that you do not belong in this line of work and being there is making you sick, ask yourself what you might do instead. Why not try to get work that you love? Take a step each day in the direction of satisfying employment. Do an internet search, spruce up your resume, call a company, drop off or e-mail your resume, speak to others in the field etc...

Loved Ones
List all of the things you do with and for your loved ones. Why do you do these things? Divide them into two sections: things I enjoy and, things I do because I think I should. Keep doing what you enjoy and then examine your second list closely. Why do you do them? Are you trying to live up to an expectation? Is this something you have imposed upon yourself? Do you need to feel busy and important? See if you can delegate or divide some of the tasks you don't enjoy or value anymore. This will give you more time to do what you love.

Why Self-Care?
Now, take a piece of paper and divide it into two sections. On one side, write what happens when you don't make time for activities that energize you. On the other side, write all the activities you enjoy. Consider the cost to you and your loved ones if you don't learn to make self-care a part of your routine. Then browse through your list of activities you enjoy. Notice how much these activities cost. Chances are, they are pretty cheap. Most of the time, the women I work with just want to read a book, go for a walk in nature, have a warm bath, paint their nails, have coffee with a friend, create art or listen to music. These are not unrealistic, extravagant requests. The question then becomes "why not?". If enjoying simple acts of self-care make you a healthier person, a better partner, a happier mom and a more efficient employee, why wouldn't you indulge yourself on a regular basis?

If you want to take this one step further, create a collage of everything that makes you happy, energizes and, nourishes you. Flip through magazines or print images from an online source. Then assemble and organize these images on a big piece of craft paper (I like 18"x 24" as it's big enough to fit a variety of ideas but not so big that it is overwhelming). You can add a title, write affirmations or intentions on the paper and place it somewhere visible as a reminder to take some time for yourself.

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