September 21st, 2016
A few days ago, I was having lunch with my husband in our favourite vietnamese restaurant. There is a huge television on the wall and usually, images of delicious food plays in the background as we eat. This week, they chose a different television channel. I believe the program that was playing was, The View. I don't normally watch television while I dine with my hubby but something caught my attention. This beautiful dark-skinned woman said something like: "They were asking for models, 6'2 and up, no one said I couldn't have a penis".
There were maybe three tables of clients in the restaurant. We were all paying attention at this point. The View was interviewing models from a transgender modelling agency. I thought this must be a new and innovative business but I looked it up when I got home and there were at least four agencies focused solely on transgender models.
I know transgender issues have been in the news due to controversy regarding the use of public restrooms, however, I have encountered transgendered individuals as a teenager working in a Healthy Sexuality theatre program and, as an art therapist through my group work in high schools as well as in private practice. The individuals I met and worked with were kind, regular people who were extremely compassionate due to the judgment of others directed at them.
As a teenager, all you want is to fit in and be part of a group. You hunger for acceptance and you strive to express yourself authentically. If there's one thing teens hate it's bullshit (pardon my language). They can sniff a fake from a mile away. They really want to figure out who they are, express this to their surroundings and be accepted.
Transgendered individuals may feel trapped in the wrong body. They feel like a girl even though they have a male anatomy and are raised as a boy. They can also feel like a boy even though they are anatomically a girl. This creates inner conflict as they attempt to be authentic. When they try to explain to parents, siblings and friends that they feel like someone of the opposite gender, these loved ones have no previous experience to draw on and they don't know how to respond. In some families, the response is rejection and pressure to stay as they are, the gender that feels wrong to them.
Other transgendered individuals don't want to be identified as a gender. They don't fit into either box, trying to be categorized is painful and frustrating for them. They don't want to be referred to as male or female. They may want to be called, Them, instead of her or him. When we are doing art about this, I find it helpful to have my clients paint their essence, who they are inside. Poetry is also a great tool to give a voice to this inner self.
I was happy to see that some modelling agencies are embracing the beauty of all people. We are most beautiful when we are being true to ourselves. A few models who were being interviewed mentioned feeling safer in their work as models while working for these agencies. They don't need to explain anything, the companies employing them already know they are transgender. This is a great way to embrace their individuality and provide role models for a wider range of teenagers. Just as we now have plus size models, black models, asian models as well as skinny, white models to reflect the diversity and beauty in our community, we can now show transgender individuals that they are represented and valued.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label role models. Show all posts
Showing posts with label role models. Show all posts
Wednesday, 21 September 2016
Wednesday, 7 September 2016
Male Role Models
September 7th, 2016
My husband and I were discussing the importance of strong and multiple male role models this morning. Both of our daughters have one male and one female teacher this year, a first. I am thrilled! I think we naturally have lots of female role models. Our caregivers are often women-stay-at-home moms, grandmas, aunts, cousins then, as we leave home, babysitters or daycare staff are mostly women, at school we have predominantly female teachers and, at the doctor or dentist's office, we see female receptionists, nurses and doctors.
Growing up, I didn't have a father. I was lucky that my grandfather retired when I was quite young so we spent a lot of time together, going to the park or visiting relatives. My grandfather was very quiet and polite. He always took his hat off in the presence of a lady and he had a wicked sense of humour. I also had an uncle who treated me like one of his own. He was hard working and successful. He grew up in a poor family and created his own wealth. I respected him for that. Finally, my Godfather became involved in my life as I started University. He is very intellectual and he liked to challenge me, teaching me to think for myself. He was a very spiritual man, not in a preachy way. Each of these men provided a role model. This was important because I ended up marrying a man with my Grandpa's sense of humour, my Uncle's work ethic and my Godfather's intellect.
My husband grew up without a positive male role model. He once told me the men in his family were weak. His father decided he didn't much like children once he'd had one. He was violent to his mom and neglected the children. When my husband saw his dad, he was visiting briefly, just long enough to beat his mom and get her pregnant. Then, he would disappear again. He decided from an early age to do the opposite of what his father had done. Whenever he is faced with a decision, he wonders what his father would do then he goes in the complete opposite direction. My husband had a strong female role mother, his grandmother. She taught him how it feels to be loved. He owes his confidence and success to her. She was a hard worker and he endeavoured to be just like her. That is how he came to be the successful entrepreneur that he is today. However, when he became my husband and, just over a year later, a father, he was lost. How does a husband behave on a daily basis? What do fathers do with their children? We have worked through this together. I wasn't much help because I didn't live with a man during my childhood. We made up our own routines and he developed his own way of fathering through trial and error.
I am happy that my daughters will have two more role models in their lives. Both male teachers have excellent reputations and are quite popular among students. They also have a third male teacher who has taught gym over the past two years but he only sees them for an hour, three times per week. Still, he is yet another example of what a man can be like. Our conversation this morning was about the impact of these teachers on the young boys at that school. There are so many boys growing up without a decent male role model. The father has left or was never around, the parents are divorced and the father gets little to no time them. These boys are surrounded by women at home, daycare and school. How can we expect them to grow into strong, confident young men if they have no guidance? I can just imagine how powerful an excellent male teacher can be to these young men.
Here's to all the teachers, male and female who become powerful templates for our children. Thank you!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
My husband and I were discussing the importance of strong and multiple male role models this morning. Both of our daughters have one male and one female teacher this year, a first. I am thrilled! I think we naturally have lots of female role models. Our caregivers are often women-stay-at-home moms, grandmas, aunts, cousins then, as we leave home, babysitters or daycare staff are mostly women, at school we have predominantly female teachers and, at the doctor or dentist's office, we see female receptionists, nurses and doctors.
Growing up, I didn't have a father. I was lucky that my grandfather retired when I was quite young so we spent a lot of time together, going to the park or visiting relatives. My grandfather was very quiet and polite. He always took his hat off in the presence of a lady and he had a wicked sense of humour. I also had an uncle who treated me like one of his own. He was hard working and successful. He grew up in a poor family and created his own wealth. I respected him for that. Finally, my Godfather became involved in my life as I started University. He is very intellectual and he liked to challenge me, teaching me to think for myself. He was a very spiritual man, not in a preachy way. Each of these men provided a role model. This was important because I ended up marrying a man with my Grandpa's sense of humour, my Uncle's work ethic and my Godfather's intellect.
My husband grew up without a positive male role model. He once told me the men in his family were weak. His father decided he didn't much like children once he'd had one. He was violent to his mom and neglected the children. When my husband saw his dad, he was visiting briefly, just long enough to beat his mom and get her pregnant. Then, he would disappear again. He decided from an early age to do the opposite of what his father had done. Whenever he is faced with a decision, he wonders what his father would do then he goes in the complete opposite direction. My husband had a strong female role mother, his grandmother. She taught him how it feels to be loved. He owes his confidence and success to her. She was a hard worker and he endeavoured to be just like her. That is how he came to be the successful entrepreneur that he is today. However, when he became my husband and, just over a year later, a father, he was lost. How does a husband behave on a daily basis? What do fathers do with their children? We have worked through this together. I wasn't much help because I didn't live with a man during my childhood. We made up our own routines and he developed his own way of fathering through trial and error.
I am happy that my daughters will have two more role models in their lives. Both male teachers have excellent reputations and are quite popular among students. They also have a third male teacher who has taught gym over the past two years but he only sees them for an hour, three times per week. Still, he is yet another example of what a man can be like. Our conversation this morning was about the impact of these teachers on the young boys at that school. There are so many boys growing up without a decent male role model. The father has left or was never around, the parents are divorced and the father gets little to no time them. These boys are surrounded by women at home, daycare and school. How can we expect them to grow into strong, confident young men if they have no guidance? I can just imagine how powerful an excellent male teacher can be to these young men.
Here's to all the teachers, male and female who become powerful templates for our children. Thank you!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday, 7 February 2016
Self-Care and Asking WHY
February 7th, 2016
I was feeling stuck today. I want to stick to my decision to write every day but I couldn't pick a topic. I decided to write about self-care because it is so important for women to learn to care as much about themselves as they do about others. It is also important for loved ones to see that we value ourselves. It's a reminder to your children that your life is more than just motherhood. It communicates to your partner that you expect to be treated with respect. It lets your boss know that your weekends are off-limits, that you have a life outside of working hours.
I was doing a search last week and I stumbled onto a video by a guy named Simon Sinek. He writes and speaks about leadership. His premise is that companies who don't strive, focus on what they are offering. Companies who succeed communicate why they exist. Between the "what" and the "why" is the "how". This is understanding how you achieve what you set out to do.
These two topics may not seem related but they are. Self-care is not about being selfish. Most of us emulate our earliest role models, women who served others first and put their needs last. Women who felt it was selfish to do something for ourselves. However, it is not selfish at all. If all you do is give to others, you will become depleted and resentful. At that point you won't have the energy to take care of yourself let alone your loved ones. If you had performed some self-care maintenance along the way, your tank would still be full and you would still be going strong.
Here is where the why comes into the equation. For the most part, our lives are out of balance. We act like we are computers. We try to get more done, faster with less breaks. We run around drinking more coffee to keep up the pace. Our schedules are full, the pace is quick and there is no time to waste. Our to-do list are the whats of our life. What do I have to do today? We often don't know how we will get it all done. However, we leave out the why. Just like a successful business starts with why, I feel that a balanced life involves taking a good look at our life and asking why we are doing what we are doing.
Let's begin:
Career
If you are currently employed, why do you work where you work? Be honest with yourself. Is this where you want to work or is it what others expect of you? If you are the busiest person at the office, why is that? Is it because you genuinely love your work and feel energized when you take on new projects or responsibilities? Or, is it because you don't have a life? Or, is it because you desperately want the approval of your boss and/or colleagues? If you find that you do not belong in this line of work and being there is making you sick, ask yourself what you might do instead. Why not try to get work that you love? Take a step each day in the direction of satisfying employment. Do an internet search, spruce up your resume, call a company, drop off or e-mail your resume, speak to others in the field etc...
Loved Ones
List all of the things you do with and for your loved ones. Why do you do these things? Divide them into two sections: things I enjoy and, things I do because I think I should. Keep doing what you enjoy and then examine your second list closely. Why do you do them? Are you trying to live up to an expectation? Is this something you have imposed upon yourself? Do you need to feel busy and important? See if you can delegate or divide some of the tasks you don't enjoy or value anymore. This will give you more time to do what you love.
Why Self-Care?
Now, take a piece of paper and divide it into two sections. On one side, write what happens when you don't make time for activities that energize you. On the other side, write all the activities you enjoy. Consider the cost to you and your loved ones if you don't learn to make self-care a part of your routine. Then browse through your list of activities you enjoy. Notice how much these activities cost. Chances are, they are pretty cheap. Most of the time, the women I work with just want to read a book, go for a walk in nature, have a warm bath, paint their nails, have coffee with a friend, create art or listen to music. These are not unrealistic, extravagant requests. The question then becomes "why not?". If enjoying simple acts of self-care make you a healthier person, a better partner, a happier mom and a more efficient employee, why wouldn't you indulge yourself on a regular basis?
If you want to take this one step further, create a collage of everything that makes you happy, energizes and, nourishes you. Flip through magazines or print images from an online source. Then assemble and organize these images on a big piece of craft paper (I like 18"x 24" as it's big enough to fit a variety of ideas but not so big that it is overwhelming). You can add a title, write affirmations or intentions on the paper and place it somewhere visible as a reminder to take some time for yourself.
www.artnsoul.org
I was feeling stuck today. I want to stick to my decision to write every day but I couldn't pick a topic. I decided to write about self-care because it is so important for women to learn to care as much about themselves as they do about others. It is also important for loved ones to see that we value ourselves. It's a reminder to your children that your life is more than just motherhood. It communicates to your partner that you expect to be treated with respect. It lets your boss know that your weekends are off-limits, that you have a life outside of working hours.
I was doing a search last week and I stumbled onto a video by a guy named Simon Sinek. He writes and speaks about leadership. His premise is that companies who don't strive, focus on what they are offering. Companies who succeed communicate why they exist. Between the "what" and the "why" is the "how". This is understanding how you achieve what you set out to do.
These two topics may not seem related but they are. Self-care is not about being selfish. Most of us emulate our earliest role models, women who served others first and put their needs last. Women who felt it was selfish to do something for ourselves. However, it is not selfish at all. If all you do is give to others, you will become depleted and resentful. At that point you won't have the energy to take care of yourself let alone your loved ones. If you had performed some self-care maintenance along the way, your tank would still be full and you would still be going strong.
Here is where the why comes into the equation. For the most part, our lives are out of balance. We act like we are computers. We try to get more done, faster with less breaks. We run around drinking more coffee to keep up the pace. Our schedules are full, the pace is quick and there is no time to waste. Our to-do list are the whats of our life. What do I have to do today? We often don't know how we will get it all done. However, we leave out the why. Just like a successful business starts with why, I feel that a balanced life involves taking a good look at our life and asking why we are doing what we are doing.
Let's begin:
Career
If you are currently employed, why do you work where you work? Be honest with yourself. Is this where you want to work or is it what others expect of you? If you are the busiest person at the office, why is that? Is it because you genuinely love your work and feel energized when you take on new projects or responsibilities? Or, is it because you don't have a life? Or, is it because you desperately want the approval of your boss and/or colleagues? If you find that you do not belong in this line of work and being there is making you sick, ask yourself what you might do instead. Why not try to get work that you love? Take a step each day in the direction of satisfying employment. Do an internet search, spruce up your resume, call a company, drop off or e-mail your resume, speak to others in the field etc...
Loved Ones
List all of the things you do with and for your loved ones. Why do you do these things? Divide them into two sections: things I enjoy and, things I do because I think I should. Keep doing what you enjoy and then examine your second list closely. Why do you do them? Are you trying to live up to an expectation? Is this something you have imposed upon yourself? Do you need to feel busy and important? See if you can delegate or divide some of the tasks you don't enjoy or value anymore. This will give you more time to do what you love.
Why Self-Care?
Now, take a piece of paper and divide it into two sections. On one side, write what happens when you don't make time for activities that energize you. On the other side, write all the activities you enjoy. Consider the cost to you and your loved ones if you don't learn to make self-care a part of your routine. Then browse through your list of activities you enjoy. Notice how much these activities cost. Chances are, they are pretty cheap. Most of the time, the women I work with just want to read a book, go for a walk in nature, have a warm bath, paint their nails, have coffee with a friend, create art or listen to music. These are not unrealistic, extravagant requests. The question then becomes "why not?". If enjoying simple acts of self-care make you a healthier person, a better partner, a happier mom and a more efficient employee, why wouldn't you indulge yourself on a regular basis?
If you want to take this one step further, create a collage of everything that makes you happy, energizes and, nourishes you. Flip through magazines or print images from an online source. Then assemble and organize these images on a big piece of craft paper (I like 18"x 24" as it's big enough to fit a variety of ideas but not so big that it is overwhelming). You can add a title, write affirmations or intentions on the paper and place it somewhere visible as a reminder to take some time for yourself.
www.artnsoul.org
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