March 11th, 2016
Today, I had an opportunity to sit with a woman I have come to respect. CT is the most positive, open, non-judgmental woman I have ever met and I enjoy her company. We sat in a sunny room, eating scones, drinking lattes and I got to ask my questions.
As I suspected, CT doesn't care about age. She knows people from different age groups and, to her, 40 is just another number. At the age of 43, she hasn't made any major changes in her life. She simply has more clarity about what she wants to do. She feels more committed, less willing to let things "not happen". CT is also less worried about letting people know her views. She now values her experiences. She feels more reflective. She has a growing awareness about how variable time can be. "In your 40s you experience friends and family getting sick".
I asked CT what she has learned about aging from the women around her. "Most of the people I know, aging doesn't bother them. Their metabolism changes, they can't do the same things as before. That may bother them but it's ok. The experience of aging for women has lots of constructs we can't avoid. We gather. My mom still has friends from University. A guy friend of mine meets up with his childhood friend for breakfast once a week. Many enjoy it, being retired. They get to be involved in projects they like". CT talks about friends whose partners are ill or who have their own health issues. "It is not an easier time of life but you have experience to sit on".
CT doesn't think she is any different from her younger self. "It depends on the situation. Personality traits come out more strongly depending on the situation". She is increasingly aware of things like who she is, aspects that are her strengths or other aspects that need some work. Given the chance to start over she doesn't think she would change anything. Asked what she is proud of, CT says she's pretty happy. "I like the people around me, I like the kids around me". Her friends and family are most important to her at this time in her life as well as her health. She turns to friends and family for support when she needs it. When she wants to recharge her batteries, CT goes out for a walk. Walking is integral to her well-being.
I ask CT why she thinks so many women make drastic changes in their 40s. She believes that hormones play a role for sure. "Experiences in your 40s have some meaning. There are changes in your body and your life, good changes but you can't control them. This affects us because we are socialized to control things and we can't. It's worse now, we're told there are pills to change things. Also, you know things now and they can be in conflict". She now understands some of the decisions her parents made when she was growing up. "I now understand that you own your mistakes, you own your choices".
When asked to offer advice to the next generation of teenagers, CT was quiet, contemplating her answer. She varied between no advice "because shitty things can happen" and simply recommending that they "trust in possibilites." She hopes to provide support for the next generation. "They have their own stuff to figure out. This belongs to the 'can't control' category. We all die eventually and when we do, we can leave values behind but we can't control what happens".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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