January 31st
Just over ten years ago, Vincent and I became parents. Our youngest daughter's Godparents, the Braidecs, were at my husband's shop. They were celebrating their wedding anniversary. I can't remember which anniversary it was but they have been together a long time, with two happy, successful, adult children. I asked them for the secret to a long marriage. I was expecting something like communication, compassion, humour etc, the usuals. They said they always made a point of having a date, once a week. This can be challenging when the children are young but it's important.
To this day, Vincent and I have our date night every week. I truly do believe it has helped us stay connected through the tough times. When you have children, you form a triangle and, although you can all interact as a family, the focus of both parents is usually directed to the child. When you try to communicate as a couple, within the home, you can be interrupted so many times you never finish any of the topics. This can lead to frustration, miscommunication and alienation.
Also, because it's easy to get sucked into a routine where each partner has a role, unless a couple gets out of the house without children on a regular basis, when they finally end up alone together, they may no longer know how to connect. They suddenly feel like strangers and have nothing to say. Our dates allowed us to stay romantic. I would dress up every week. The girls loved watching me get changed out of my "mommy" clothes. They always suggested which dress to wear. It shows them what it's like to care for someone and want special time with them. They saw us as a united couple who went out and had fun together.
During our date nights, we could have fun, laugh about whatever had happened during the week or just enjoy each other's company the way we did before we became parents. Sometimes, when we were stressed and overwhelmed by our responsibilities, we might take each other for granted and communicate in gruff ways throughout the week. It was nice to go out and realize we were ok. Taken away from the context of "duties", our pace would resume and we could see beyond the stress of the week.
On a few occasions, we vented our frustrations in the car on the way to the restaurant. We could get everything out without worrying that the children could hear. We might stay in the car longer than anticipated but, in the end, we had cleared the air and we were able to progress. Going out regularly means you don't forget what it's like to enjoy being your spouse's partner. We have had amazing conversations in the car and at the restaurant. We are able to talk about what is happening in our life, what we have learned, what our goals are for the future etc.
Even though there were weeks that the girls begged me to stay home with them when they were younger, they now look forward to our date night because they love their babysitter, Lauren. When they were very young, our date may be the only outing I got all week. It felt good to dress up and enjoy my supper while it was still warm, to feel like a woman. We became regulars in some restaurants and developed friendships with wait staff, managers and restaurant owners. It was fun to get out, socialize and have a good laugh.
Our sense of humour has always been a big part of our relationship. Spending time together, relaxing, eating good food, chatting, joking around, holding hands, even kissing on the way to the car, all of it has helped to keep our relationship fresh and fun.
If you have young children and you need to bring some joy back in your life, follow these steps:
1-Make date night a priority.
2-Find reliable, responsible people to babysit. If you have no money to pay for a sitter, see if a friend with children will trade with you so they can go out as well. You could also eat at home after you put the kids to bed so you can talk and have a date alone.
3-You don't need to go somewhere fancy. Tim Hortons and Subway can work just as well as a fancy restaurant. The point is to have time together.
4-Don't use this time to complain, go over the honey-do list or stress out about bills. All of this can be done during the drive there if you absolutely need to discuss it. Once you get to the restaurant, switch to date mode.
5-Dress up for your date so you can feel sexy. Don't forget to notice how good your partner looks.
6-Take the opportunity to hold hands, sit close together and cuddle.
7-Don't invite others to join you unless you have other opportunities to go out together alone.
Enjoy!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday 31 January 2016
Saturday 30 January 2016
Book of the Week: The Not So Big Life
January 30th, 2016
Sarah Susanka is an architect. She helps people design their homes to reflect their values, bring out the space's potential and, incorporate areas where her clients can participate in the activities they enjoy.
She is also the author of, The Not So Big Life, a self-help book that applies these same principles of design to help individuals create a life that reflects who they are: their passion, values and interests.
I have read this book several times and I go over my notes every year to ensure that I am on track. The premise of this book is that people's lives are too big, too fast and overwhelming. We may want a simpler life but, without a "blueprint", it can be difficult to see which changes will bring about the desired outcome. Without a clear plan, our actions only complicate our life, making it even bigger.
Some of the principles that are transferable from the world of home design are as follows:
1-As stated in the previous paragraph, we need a blueprint. Homes can feel cramped when they are divided into small rooms and hallways. An obvious solution is to take down walls and open up the space. If we "compartmentalize" our life, keeping work, family and socializing separate, life feels tight and disjointed. The key is to remove barriers and connect the various compartments of our lives so we can move fluidly from one aspect to the other. The clearer we get about our intentions and values, the easier it is to see how every activity is linked. What are your values and intentions?
2-When designing a home, Sarah asks clients to find images in magazines that inspire them. You can do the same as you design your life. Notice the people, activities and places that fill and energize you. Create a vision board, covered in images that reflect your preferences.
3-As Susan works with clients to re-design an existing home, she needs a clear idea of what isn't working for them, then she explores the underlying issues involved. When people complain about the quality of their life, they may know what they do and don't want to do. However, they often believe that change isn't possible due to a lack of time to include activities they love. This book shows them how to manage time in order to fit more of these activities into their daily life. Create a schedule of your life. What do you do throughout the day over the course of a week? Analyze where your time is going. Is there anything in there you can remove to make room for more meaningful activities?
4-Real estate agents know how detrimental it can be when a home is cluttered with too much furniture and trinkets. It makes each room look tiny. In a similar fashion, patterns and conditioned responses keep individuals in situations that cause tension, frustration and conflict. Through self-observation, people recognize that it's not the people in their life who need to change. It is their own perceptions and patterns that must be challenged. Keep a log of your interactions and reactions. If it had nothing to do with anyone else, what would it mean? What can you learn from these observations?
5-Everyone knows what their dream home looks like. Sarah's clients are encouraged to dream big and so are you. By journalling your dreams at night, you can start to gain some insight and direction in your life. Dreams reveal a great deal about your inner conflicts and the beliefs that may be holding you back. Sarah provides a good tip which is to remember that every character in your dream represents an aspect of yourself. Sarah suggests you keep a journal next to your bed so you can write what you remember when you wake up.
6-It can be difficult for architects to communicate their vision for a completed project. Clients are used to seeing the house in one way and they have become blind to the home's potential. The same is true of people who can not get beyond their current reality. They are unable to see what is possible for their life. It takes practise to visualize life as it could be. Pay attention to what you want, do not focus on what you do NOT want. Have clear intentions and follow your passions. Document synchronicity.
7-The creative process of design is all about gathering information, preparing materials, schedules and staff then engaging in the creative process without trying to control it. In real life, you need to set an intention, do your homework and surrender. Things will happen in their own way. The author warns against "rope pushing" when we try to make things happen before they are ready. Instead, we can be receptive to guidance and practice non-attachment.
8-You need to create a space for the activities you enjoy in your home. You also need to devote a time and space in your day just to "be", to meditate, to think, to enjoy your own presence and access awareness. Find a space (I use my walk-in closet), where you can be alone every day for 20+ minutes. Set a time for it and commit to showing up. Then open your journal and document observations.
9-If you have ever renovated part of your home, you know that things rarely go as planned. You can't fight it but you can "focus on what's in front of you". That is how you keep moving forward as opposed to getting stressed out, worn out and stuck. Practise seeing all obstacles as learning opportunities. What can I learn from this experience? Surrender to the process.
10-There is so much work that needs to happen to provide a structure that supports your home. It may feel that your build is not progressing when suddenly everything falls into place and you see that the end product is within reach. As you apply the principles of this book to your life, you will see tiny shifts and, eventually, you will be blown away by the quality of your life. You feel happier, balanced, aware and rested. It's a good idea to journal as you engage in this process because when you read over your notes at a later date, you will be able to see how your attitude and life changed over time.
11-When you move into a new house, you need manuals to help you learn how to work the various systems in your home. The Appendix of this book helps you create a manual to stay on track and review this process annually. Read this book, take notes, keep a journal and apply what you have learned. Every year, as you go through the questions, you will notice a shift and then, you can set new goals for yourself.
12-Clients often assume they need to move in order to live in their dream home. However, it's possible to create their dream home within their current house. People may believe they can't feel happy and fulfilled, as long as they live in their hometown or stay in the same job or remain married to their current partner. However, everything they need is within them. It's a matter of paying attention and being receptive. If you want to change the world, ask yourself if you'd like to see a parallel change in yourself. Pay attention to your stories about yourself, about others and about the world. There are no mistakes, only learning opportunities. What can you do right now to move forward?
Hopefully, these notes have stirred something within you and you feel inspired to read the book. You may even want to go over each chapter with a group of friends. Either way, taking the time to learn and practise the strategies in this book will improve your life enormously. Happy reading!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sarah Susanka is an architect. She helps people design their homes to reflect their values, bring out the space's potential and, incorporate areas where her clients can participate in the activities they enjoy.
She is also the author of, The Not So Big Life, a self-help book that applies these same principles of design to help individuals create a life that reflects who they are: their passion, values and interests.
I have read this book several times and I go over my notes every year to ensure that I am on track. The premise of this book is that people's lives are too big, too fast and overwhelming. We may want a simpler life but, without a "blueprint", it can be difficult to see which changes will bring about the desired outcome. Without a clear plan, our actions only complicate our life, making it even bigger.
Some of the principles that are transferable from the world of home design are as follows:
1-As stated in the previous paragraph, we need a blueprint. Homes can feel cramped when they are divided into small rooms and hallways. An obvious solution is to take down walls and open up the space. If we "compartmentalize" our life, keeping work, family and socializing separate, life feels tight and disjointed. The key is to remove barriers and connect the various compartments of our lives so we can move fluidly from one aspect to the other. The clearer we get about our intentions and values, the easier it is to see how every activity is linked. What are your values and intentions?
2-When designing a home, Sarah asks clients to find images in magazines that inspire them. You can do the same as you design your life. Notice the people, activities and places that fill and energize you. Create a vision board, covered in images that reflect your preferences.
3-As Susan works with clients to re-design an existing home, she needs a clear idea of what isn't working for them, then she explores the underlying issues involved. When people complain about the quality of their life, they may know what they do and don't want to do. However, they often believe that change isn't possible due to a lack of time to include activities they love. This book shows them how to manage time in order to fit more of these activities into their daily life. Create a schedule of your life. What do you do throughout the day over the course of a week? Analyze where your time is going. Is there anything in there you can remove to make room for more meaningful activities?
4-Real estate agents know how detrimental it can be when a home is cluttered with too much furniture and trinkets. It makes each room look tiny. In a similar fashion, patterns and conditioned responses keep individuals in situations that cause tension, frustration and conflict. Through self-observation, people recognize that it's not the people in their life who need to change. It is their own perceptions and patterns that must be challenged. Keep a log of your interactions and reactions. If it had nothing to do with anyone else, what would it mean? What can you learn from these observations?
5-Everyone knows what their dream home looks like. Sarah's clients are encouraged to dream big and so are you. By journalling your dreams at night, you can start to gain some insight and direction in your life. Dreams reveal a great deal about your inner conflicts and the beliefs that may be holding you back. Sarah provides a good tip which is to remember that every character in your dream represents an aspect of yourself. Sarah suggests you keep a journal next to your bed so you can write what you remember when you wake up.
6-It can be difficult for architects to communicate their vision for a completed project. Clients are used to seeing the house in one way and they have become blind to the home's potential. The same is true of people who can not get beyond their current reality. They are unable to see what is possible for their life. It takes practise to visualize life as it could be. Pay attention to what you want, do not focus on what you do NOT want. Have clear intentions and follow your passions. Document synchronicity.
7-The creative process of design is all about gathering information, preparing materials, schedules and staff then engaging in the creative process without trying to control it. In real life, you need to set an intention, do your homework and surrender. Things will happen in their own way. The author warns against "rope pushing" when we try to make things happen before they are ready. Instead, we can be receptive to guidance and practice non-attachment.
8-You need to create a space for the activities you enjoy in your home. You also need to devote a time and space in your day just to "be", to meditate, to think, to enjoy your own presence and access awareness. Find a space (I use my walk-in closet), where you can be alone every day for 20+ minutes. Set a time for it and commit to showing up. Then open your journal and document observations.
9-If you have ever renovated part of your home, you know that things rarely go as planned. You can't fight it but you can "focus on what's in front of you". That is how you keep moving forward as opposed to getting stressed out, worn out and stuck. Practise seeing all obstacles as learning opportunities. What can I learn from this experience? Surrender to the process.
10-There is so much work that needs to happen to provide a structure that supports your home. It may feel that your build is not progressing when suddenly everything falls into place and you see that the end product is within reach. As you apply the principles of this book to your life, you will see tiny shifts and, eventually, you will be blown away by the quality of your life. You feel happier, balanced, aware and rested. It's a good idea to journal as you engage in this process because when you read over your notes at a later date, you will be able to see how your attitude and life changed over time.
11-When you move into a new house, you need manuals to help you learn how to work the various systems in your home. The Appendix of this book helps you create a manual to stay on track and review this process annually. Read this book, take notes, keep a journal and apply what you have learned. Every year, as you go through the questions, you will notice a shift and then, you can set new goals for yourself.
12-Clients often assume they need to move in order to live in their dream home. However, it's possible to create their dream home within their current house. People may believe they can't feel happy and fulfilled, as long as they live in their hometown or stay in the same job or remain married to their current partner. However, everything they need is within them. It's a matter of paying attention and being receptive. If you want to change the world, ask yourself if you'd like to see a parallel change in yourself. Pay attention to your stories about yourself, about others and about the world. There are no mistakes, only learning opportunities. What can you do right now to move forward?
Hopefully, these notes have stirred something within you and you feel inspired to read the book. You may even want to go over each chapter with a group of friends. Either way, taking the time to learn and practise the strategies in this book will improve your life enormously. Happy reading!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday 29 January 2016
40+ year old woman-MG
January 29th 2016
For MG, the first 40 years of her life were amazing. She accomplished many of her goals and felt supported by her friends and family. She did not anticipate any changes as she reached her 40th birthday. She imagined that people who struggled with this milestone were those who were not enjoying their life. However, she was surprised when, three days after her 40th birthday, she felt like she'd been hit in the face by a sheet of plywood. She was having an identity crisis and she needed help. She spoke to her sister who suggested she seek professional support. That is exactly what she did.
MG realized that while she had accomplished a great deal, she was not fulfilling her own goals, rather, she was succumbing to the pressures of society; finding a partner and having children. She strived to "perform" in every aspect of her life. She started to question her values and realized she didn't know herself as well as she thought. It was difficult but, with support from her therapist, MG emerged from these dark years with more awareness and new tools. Her partner wondered if their relationship would survive but he stuck around and supported her. They have both grown through this process and are now a stronger couple. MG uncovered the key to happiness. She started doing things for herself because she wanted to do them. She discovered that others can't make you happy. This freed her to be with loved ones without unrealistic expectations.
She wouldn't change a thing about her life. She came from a big family with lots of boys and she feels this may have helped her succeed as an athlete. She believes the path she has travelled is exactly as it should be. If she could transfer her wisdom to younger women, her advice would be to stop relying on others for their own happiness. MG has noticed that we are often wounded by our expectations of others. Everyone should create their own happiness.
MG's pride and joy are her children who are now teenagers. She deduced that women change in their 40s because there is no time for awareness when they are younger. Young women seek to satisfy their parents, young adults are busy achieving goals on their career path, once they become someone's partner, they wish to please him and, as a mother, women forget all about themselves and their partners. As children grow up and become more independent, women become aware that they have time to reflect and they start to live more consciously.
MG has learned the art of self-care. When she doesn't listen to her needs, she becomes exhausted and she is unavailable to her partner and children. The biggest change in her over the years has been her level of conscious awareness. She used to function on auto-pilot going through her checklist of expectations; what a woman should do, check, what a mother should do, check, what a partner should do, check. She has since learned the importance of being selfish in a balanced way. If a woman wishes to be happy, finding time for herself is essential.
MG would love to help build the self-esteem and self-confidence of young girls. She feels that they can do anything as long as they believe in themselves. Armed with self-love, young girls will make excellent choices, reaching their goals and caring for themselves. MG feels grateful that she had positive female role-models. She learned that older women assert themselves, are authentic and, expect to be treated as equals. She saw her mother play a submissive role in her family and she was adamant about not taking on that role in her own life. She has high hopes for women.
Now MG takes time to participate in countless physical activities. She loves being in nature, it helps her to feel grounded. It helps her focus on what is important. She is grateful for the support of her sister and partner. She has taken charge of her life. She feels stronger, happier, more aware and, comfortable in her own skin.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
For MG, the first 40 years of her life were amazing. She accomplished many of her goals and felt supported by her friends and family. She did not anticipate any changes as she reached her 40th birthday. She imagined that people who struggled with this milestone were those who were not enjoying their life. However, she was surprised when, three days after her 40th birthday, she felt like she'd been hit in the face by a sheet of plywood. She was having an identity crisis and she needed help. She spoke to her sister who suggested she seek professional support. That is exactly what she did.
MG realized that while she had accomplished a great deal, she was not fulfilling her own goals, rather, she was succumbing to the pressures of society; finding a partner and having children. She strived to "perform" in every aspect of her life. She started to question her values and realized she didn't know herself as well as she thought. It was difficult but, with support from her therapist, MG emerged from these dark years with more awareness and new tools. Her partner wondered if their relationship would survive but he stuck around and supported her. They have both grown through this process and are now a stronger couple. MG uncovered the key to happiness. She started doing things for herself because she wanted to do them. She discovered that others can't make you happy. This freed her to be with loved ones without unrealistic expectations.
She wouldn't change a thing about her life. She came from a big family with lots of boys and she feels this may have helped her succeed as an athlete. She believes the path she has travelled is exactly as it should be. If she could transfer her wisdom to younger women, her advice would be to stop relying on others for their own happiness. MG has noticed that we are often wounded by our expectations of others. Everyone should create their own happiness.
MG's pride and joy are her children who are now teenagers. She deduced that women change in their 40s because there is no time for awareness when they are younger. Young women seek to satisfy their parents, young adults are busy achieving goals on their career path, once they become someone's partner, they wish to please him and, as a mother, women forget all about themselves and their partners. As children grow up and become more independent, women become aware that they have time to reflect and they start to live more consciously.
MG has learned the art of self-care. When she doesn't listen to her needs, she becomes exhausted and she is unavailable to her partner and children. The biggest change in her over the years has been her level of conscious awareness. She used to function on auto-pilot going through her checklist of expectations; what a woman should do, check, what a mother should do, check, what a partner should do, check. She has since learned the importance of being selfish in a balanced way. If a woman wishes to be happy, finding time for herself is essential.
MG would love to help build the self-esteem and self-confidence of young girls. She feels that they can do anything as long as they believe in themselves. Armed with self-love, young girls will make excellent choices, reaching their goals and caring for themselves. MG feels grateful that she had positive female role-models. She learned that older women assert themselves, are authentic and, expect to be treated as equals. She saw her mother play a submissive role in her family and she was adamant about not taking on that role in her own life. She has high hopes for women.
Now MG takes time to participate in countless physical activities. She loves being in nature, it helps her to feel grounded. It helps her focus on what is important. She is grateful for the support of her sister and partner. She has taken charge of her life. She feels stronger, happier, more aware and, comfortable in her own skin.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday 28 January 2016
The Impact of Technology on our Children
January 28th, 2016
A few weeks ago, my eldest daughter, age 10, had a sleepover party for her birthday. I wrote a post about my reaction to the use of technology by her friends during the sleepover. My daughters were introduced to new apps during the party and I noticed an increase in their use of technology. This alarmed me because we have always done fun activities together after school. We do art, cook, do each other's nails and play hang man. Sometimes, if the weather cooperates, we play on our snow hill or toboggan out back. We also like to play ball with our lab who will run up the stairs to chase her ball hundreds of times. She also likes to play hide and seek. We hide while she is chasing her ball and she has to find us. The girls always laugh, making it easy for the dog.
Suddenly, nothing I suggested interested my daughters. They wanted to "join worlds" on Minecraft or play with Angela, a cat that matures as you play her app. I had to unplug their technology. They were very upset with me. They stomped off then hung around bored but refusing to engage in any activities with me. They sulked. I even heard one of my daughters crying. What?! Over a computer? At supper, we played headbands. The girls chose what each of us would be and they started to giggle. They decided my husband would be Iggle Piggle. Haha! Then each of our daughters showed us how to do a craft they had learned at school......and just like that, we had our girls back. That was scary.
At my Neurofeedback appointment on Monday, I talked to Carol about this experience. She made a comment that stuck with me. The games are stimulating pleasure centres. I wondered if spending a lot of time on technology pre-disposed the brain to become addicted. If your brain's pleasure centre is stimulated for hours at a time, can real life be anything but boring? What if your brain needs more and more immediate gratification to meet its needs? Wouldn't that lead to exploring sex and drugs in order to create the same response? This freaked me out. I did some digging and here is what I found:
In an article titled, 11 Reasons Why Children Under the Age of 12 Should Not Use Handheld Devices, I learned that the brain grows very quickly in childhood up to the age of 21. "Overexposure to technology impaired executive functioning", attention, cognition, learning, impulsivity and self-regulation. The lack of movement impedes learning and contributes to obesity. Using technology at bedtime, increases sleep deprivation which affects school performance. Exposure to physical and sexual violence through video games increases the child's own aggressive behaviours. The high speed of technology means children are less able to focus for long periods of time, they need this skill to learn in school. Being on the computer for more than 30 minutes also causes eye strain in children. Overuse of technology is linked to depression, anxiety and other mental health issues which are prevalent. Children can become attached to technology in the absence of parental attachment. As if all of this was not enough, the radiation emissions from cell phones are considered "probable carcinogens". For more about this, visit www.foodsandhealthylife.com.
I did some research to find out how playing on the iPad resulted in addiction. An article by David J. Linden on www.psychologytoday.com titled, Video Games Can Activate the Brain's Pleasure Circuits, proved my theory. David performed brain scans of men and women playing simple video games. He detected "rapid brain dopamine release". This was also measure with PET scans during an other study. He saw that "key regions of the medial forebrain pleasure centre circuit were also activated, including the nucleus accumbens as well as the amygdala, and the orbitofrontal cortex".
The cycle of addiction is well explained on www.helpguide.org, under the heading, Understanding Addiction. "Addiction hijacks the brain. This happens as the brain goes through a series of changes, beginning with recognition of pleasure and ending with a drive toward compulsive behaviour". The speed of the release of dopamine determines how addictive an experience will be. "The hippocampus creates a memory of this satisfaction and the amygdala creates a conditioned response to this stimuli".
I can certainly see how the immediate gratification and praise available through most computer games would lead to a release of dopamine. As I read this, I was reminded of the Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development, a theory developed by Erik Erikson. I am worried that children are not learning essential skills they can apply in the real world. Instead, they are becoming competent in the virtual world of computers. What will happen when they get older and realize these skills are not transferable? The first stage of Erikson's theory involves learning to trust that your parents will meet your needs. If your parents are busy and you are feeling neglected, you may become attached to technology. It is always there and rewarding. The next stage's challenge is to develop autonomy. Parents encourage their children to explore the world while keeping them safe. They become more confident, develop interests and become self-sufficient (in an age appropriate way). If the child is glued to a computer screen, this exploration is limited and the learning opportunities are lost. In the Initiative stage, children are learning to master their environment. They challenge themselves and feel successful when they reach their goals. Parents can assist with the parts that are a bit challenging. Children can go through an experience and feel proud of their accomplishment. If children are not interested in pursuing interests beyond computers, they gain a sense of mastery while playing that game as their skills develop. However, these skills don't matter when they are at school, needing to complete homework or collaborate in groups on assignments.
This post is my SOS to other parents who are in the same situation. I am not denying that learning computer skills can be helpful or suggesting that technology be banned. However, I am discovering the long term consequences of allowing my children to explore technology for extended periods of time. I will continue to monitor their use of technology and prepare alternative activities to enjoy with my daughters after school. I don't want to lose my girls: their creativity, their spontaneity, their presence to the overstimulating, numbing world of technology.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
A few weeks ago, my eldest daughter, age 10, had a sleepover party for her birthday. I wrote a post about my reaction to the use of technology by her friends during the sleepover. My daughters were introduced to new apps during the party and I noticed an increase in their use of technology. This alarmed me because we have always done fun activities together after school. We do art, cook, do each other's nails and play hang man. Sometimes, if the weather cooperates, we play on our snow hill or toboggan out back. We also like to play ball with our lab who will run up the stairs to chase her ball hundreds of times. She also likes to play hide and seek. We hide while she is chasing her ball and she has to find us. The girls always laugh, making it easy for the dog.
Suddenly, nothing I suggested interested my daughters. They wanted to "join worlds" on Minecraft or play with Angela, a cat that matures as you play her app. I had to unplug their technology. They were very upset with me. They stomped off then hung around bored but refusing to engage in any activities with me. They sulked. I even heard one of my daughters crying. What?! Over a computer? At supper, we played headbands. The girls chose what each of us would be and they started to giggle. They decided my husband would be Iggle Piggle. Haha! Then each of our daughters showed us how to do a craft they had learned at school......and just like that, we had our girls back. That was scary.
At my Neurofeedback appointment on Monday, I talked to Carol about this experience. She made a comment that stuck with me. The games are stimulating pleasure centres. I wondered if spending a lot of time on technology pre-disposed the brain to become addicted. If your brain's pleasure centre is stimulated for hours at a time, can real life be anything but boring? What if your brain needs more and more immediate gratification to meet its needs? Wouldn't that lead to exploring sex and drugs in order to create the same response? This freaked me out. I did some digging and here is what I found:
In an article titled, 11 Reasons Why Children Under the Age of 12 Should Not Use Handheld Devices, I learned that the brain grows very quickly in childhood up to the age of 21. "Overexposure to technology impaired executive functioning", attention, cognition, learning, impulsivity and self-regulation. The lack of movement impedes learning and contributes to obesity. Using technology at bedtime, increases sleep deprivation which affects school performance. Exposure to physical and sexual violence through video games increases the child's own aggressive behaviours. The high speed of technology means children are less able to focus for long periods of time, they need this skill to learn in school. Being on the computer for more than 30 minutes also causes eye strain in children. Overuse of technology is linked to depression, anxiety and other mental health issues which are prevalent. Children can become attached to technology in the absence of parental attachment. As if all of this was not enough, the radiation emissions from cell phones are considered "probable carcinogens". For more about this, visit www.foodsandhealthylife.com.
I did some research to find out how playing on the iPad resulted in addiction. An article by David J. Linden on www.psychologytoday.com titled, Video Games Can Activate the Brain's Pleasure Circuits, proved my theory. David performed brain scans of men and women playing simple video games. He detected "rapid brain dopamine release". This was also measure with PET scans during an other study. He saw that "key regions of the medial forebrain pleasure centre circuit were also activated, including the nucleus accumbens as well as the amygdala, and the orbitofrontal cortex".
The cycle of addiction is well explained on www.helpguide.org, under the heading, Understanding Addiction. "Addiction hijacks the brain. This happens as the brain goes through a series of changes, beginning with recognition of pleasure and ending with a drive toward compulsive behaviour". The speed of the release of dopamine determines how addictive an experience will be. "The hippocampus creates a memory of this satisfaction and the amygdala creates a conditioned response to this stimuli".
I can certainly see how the immediate gratification and praise available through most computer games would lead to a release of dopamine. As I read this, I was reminded of the Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development, a theory developed by Erik Erikson. I am worried that children are not learning essential skills they can apply in the real world. Instead, they are becoming competent in the virtual world of computers. What will happen when they get older and realize these skills are not transferable? The first stage of Erikson's theory involves learning to trust that your parents will meet your needs. If your parents are busy and you are feeling neglected, you may become attached to technology. It is always there and rewarding. The next stage's challenge is to develop autonomy. Parents encourage their children to explore the world while keeping them safe. They become more confident, develop interests and become self-sufficient (in an age appropriate way). If the child is glued to a computer screen, this exploration is limited and the learning opportunities are lost. In the Initiative stage, children are learning to master their environment. They challenge themselves and feel successful when they reach their goals. Parents can assist with the parts that are a bit challenging. Children can go through an experience and feel proud of their accomplishment. If children are not interested in pursuing interests beyond computers, they gain a sense of mastery while playing that game as their skills develop. However, these skills don't matter when they are at school, needing to complete homework or collaborate in groups on assignments.
This post is my SOS to other parents who are in the same situation. I am not denying that learning computer skills can be helpful or suggesting that technology be banned. However, I am discovering the long term consequences of allowing my children to explore technology for extended periods of time. I will continue to monitor their use of technology and prepare alternative activities to enjoy with my daughters after school. I don't want to lose my girls: their creativity, their spontaneity, their presence to the overstimulating, numbing world of technology.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday 27 January 2016
Ferguson Forest Education and Training Centre
January 27th 2016
Last Friday, I was reading the NG Times. There was an article about an Open House happening at the Ferguson Forest office this afternoon. I rarely go to community meetings because they are held in the evening and I am busy with my children at night. I was pleased to be able to attend this session. From what I could read, Ferguson Forest was preparing to apply for funding through the Ontario Trillium Foundation in order to expand the scope of its services to include more wheelchair access, a meditation area, a wildflower meadow and a bird sanctuary. I wanted to attend this event because the title: Ferguson Forest Education and Training Centre, stirred my imagination. It summoned images of children, hopefully my own, participating in activities that helped them appreciate, understand, respect and enjoy nature.
At the meeting, we were greeted by Carl Doucette, the Vice Chairman of the Board of Directors. On the wall, were plans for the arboretum. There were maybe 40-50 people in attendance, an impressive turnout. The goal of the meeting was to get ideas from members of the community regarding what they would like to see in the arboretum area of Ferguson Forest. The first step of any community development initiative is to find out what people want, otherwise a great deal of time and money are wasted as the public does not use the new space.
Carl explained that they are requesting funds under the "Activity" category therefore it will be a space devoted to various activities. They will choose the ideas that benefit the most people and encourage community members to explore their space. Throughout the meeting, there were ideas such as maintaining the toboggan hill, building a fenced-in dog park, creating a wheelchair-accessible labyrinth and an accessible path from Anniversary Park to Maple Grove, grooming multiple-use trails for snowshoers, pedestrians and skiers, selling Legacy Trees to line Veteran's Way and commemorative benches throughout the paths of the arboretum and, having a layout for Art in the Park where artists can teach and showcase their art.
The need for partnerships with community organizations and the necessity for the community to get involved were expressed. The group brought up the issue of communication. Ferguson Forest has many trails and beautiful spaces as well as programs that the public is not aware of. Carl says he would like to rectify this issue by using the local newspapers and radio station to promote their services and inform the community of changes to the arboretum as plans progress.
The group considered whether there should be washroom facilities on site then determined that it would not get approved due to washrooms being available in the office building, even though it's quite a distance away. Also, they have had issues in the past with washrooms being tipped over or vandalized. It doesn't help that the property runs along the Kemptville Creek, which is protected by the Rideau Valley Conservation Agency (RVCA) and, the Ministry of Natural Resources land. Therefore, there would be a great deal of red tape involved. Some people suggested the space should not only be educational and functional but also aesthetically pleasing. Others felt it was important to hear birds and Maureen addressed the need to choose and plant trees that would attract birds.
The new space would have lots of signage, an important part of the educational component, in order to guide people from one area to the next. They also discussed opening the roads during all four seasons. At this time, the roads are closed during the winter. I explained that I attended this meeting as a parent, wanting to see more opportunities to include nature in the school's curriculum for my children's benefit. I asked if they had a partnership with any of the schools. Apparently, they have approached the schools, looking for ways they could fulfill their curriculum requirements within their arboretum. There has been no response from schools but Scouts do come and use the space and enjoy their educational events. Also, the Municipal Centre's summer camp participants use their services and visit their space throughout the summer. Ferguson Forest has a standing offer to schools who wish to participate in a guided tour of their trails. One member of the group suggested the lack of response from schools may be due to transportation costs and liability issues. They plan to offer training to teachers. This would provide them with the knowledge to take students through the trails for a guided tour.
Today, I learned about an area that has already been developed at the Ferguson Forest Centre, called Kinderwood. Children run through the path and learn about what they can find in the forest so they know what to look for. I must visit Kinderwood with my children on the weekend. John stressed the importance of making this wonderful land that we take for granted valuable, just like Central Park in New York City, because if we are not using the land and demonstrating our need for it, we may lose it in the long run.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Last Friday, I was reading the NG Times. There was an article about an Open House happening at the Ferguson Forest office this afternoon. I rarely go to community meetings because they are held in the evening and I am busy with my children at night. I was pleased to be able to attend this session. From what I could read, Ferguson Forest was preparing to apply for funding through the Ontario Trillium Foundation in order to expand the scope of its services to include more wheelchair access, a meditation area, a wildflower meadow and a bird sanctuary. I wanted to attend this event because the title: Ferguson Forest Education and Training Centre, stirred my imagination. It summoned images of children, hopefully my own, participating in activities that helped them appreciate, understand, respect and enjoy nature.
At the meeting, we were greeted by Carl Doucette, the Vice Chairman of the Board of Directors. On the wall, were plans for the arboretum. There were maybe 40-50 people in attendance, an impressive turnout. The goal of the meeting was to get ideas from members of the community regarding what they would like to see in the arboretum area of Ferguson Forest. The first step of any community development initiative is to find out what people want, otherwise a great deal of time and money are wasted as the public does not use the new space.
Carl explained that they are requesting funds under the "Activity" category therefore it will be a space devoted to various activities. They will choose the ideas that benefit the most people and encourage community members to explore their space. Throughout the meeting, there were ideas such as maintaining the toboggan hill, building a fenced-in dog park, creating a wheelchair-accessible labyrinth and an accessible path from Anniversary Park to Maple Grove, grooming multiple-use trails for snowshoers, pedestrians and skiers, selling Legacy Trees to line Veteran's Way and commemorative benches throughout the paths of the arboretum and, having a layout for Art in the Park where artists can teach and showcase their art.
The need for partnerships with community organizations and the necessity for the community to get involved were expressed. The group brought up the issue of communication. Ferguson Forest has many trails and beautiful spaces as well as programs that the public is not aware of. Carl says he would like to rectify this issue by using the local newspapers and radio station to promote their services and inform the community of changes to the arboretum as plans progress.
The group considered whether there should be washroom facilities on site then determined that it would not get approved due to washrooms being available in the office building, even though it's quite a distance away. Also, they have had issues in the past with washrooms being tipped over or vandalized. It doesn't help that the property runs along the Kemptville Creek, which is protected by the Rideau Valley Conservation Agency (RVCA) and, the Ministry of Natural Resources land. Therefore, there would be a great deal of red tape involved. Some people suggested the space should not only be educational and functional but also aesthetically pleasing. Others felt it was important to hear birds and Maureen addressed the need to choose and plant trees that would attract birds.
The new space would have lots of signage, an important part of the educational component, in order to guide people from one area to the next. They also discussed opening the roads during all four seasons. At this time, the roads are closed during the winter. I explained that I attended this meeting as a parent, wanting to see more opportunities to include nature in the school's curriculum for my children's benefit. I asked if they had a partnership with any of the schools. Apparently, they have approached the schools, looking for ways they could fulfill their curriculum requirements within their arboretum. There has been no response from schools but Scouts do come and use the space and enjoy their educational events. Also, the Municipal Centre's summer camp participants use their services and visit their space throughout the summer. Ferguson Forest has a standing offer to schools who wish to participate in a guided tour of their trails. One member of the group suggested the lack of response from schools may be due to transportation costs and liability issues. They plan to offer training to teachers. This would provide them with the knowledge to take students through the trails for a guided tour.
Today, I learned about an area that has already been developed at the Ferguson Forest Centre, called Kinderwood. Children run through the path and learn about what they can find in the forest so they know what to look for. I must visit Kinderwood with my children on the weekend. John stressed the importance of making this wonderful land that we take for granted valuable, just like Central Park in New York City, because if we are not using the land and demonstrating our need for it, we may lose it in the long run.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday 26 January 2016
40+ Woman-LL
January 26th, 2016
Last night, I had an inspiring conversation with a 46 year old professional woman. LL was excited to celebrate her 40th birthday. It was a positive experience for her. She is not frightened by the aging process. She welcomes it with gratitude. She feels happy to be alive. "Aging is the greatest gift ever and we must celebrate every year, wrinkles and all!"
At 46 years of age, LL is much more confident. She is less concerned with what others think. She fearlessly makes decisions because she learns from her mistakes, they become part of her journey. It's easier to move forward if you know you can't go wrong. She wouldn't change anything about her life because she wouldn't be who she is without each of those experiences.
LL divorced her husband of 20 years when she was 43 years old . She moved away with her sons, within the same neighbourhood, so her youngest could stay in the same school. She believes women suddenly make important decisions in their 40s because when they are younger they are too busy to think about their life. There is so much to do: studies, work, marriage, mothering young children etc. When their children have grown, women start asking questions: Is this it? What do I want? What would I like the next portion of my life to look like? Who would I like to spend the rest of my life with? What do I like or hate about my life right now? She believes hormones also play a role in this because she has noticed a link between anxiety and getting her period. Is it possible that not getting one's period is correlated with more confidence and bolder decisions?
LL supervises many younger women. She recognizes that they think very differently from her. Her advice to teenagers or young women is to "listen to that little voice inside, we all have it. Love yourself. Trust yourself. Stop worrying about what others think. Just accept yourself for who you are.
If you want to change something about your life, just do it". LL is a totally different person now
compared to 20 years ago. If she knew back then what she knows now, her journey would have looked very different. She has learned to love and appreciate herself. She pruned her friendships and realized she often treated her friends better than she treated herself. She would never treat her friends as poorly as she has treated herself in the past.
Her legacy is to teach young women to manage their expectations. They want everything now. They put too much pressure on themselves to have the fancy car, the big house and the impressive job title
at work. LL wishes she could help them understand that everything is temporary. It changes the way you approach life if you perceive it as temporary. Otherwise, you get married and think: This is my life or, you have young children and imagine life will always be this way.
LL has a successful career but she measures her success through her children. She is proud of her sons, aged 17 and 22. They are not perfect but they have survived many challenges and have turned out well. LL is going through a transition right now. She is shifting her focus away from her children
who were her main preoccupation for many years. She admits feeling a little guilty as she states that she wants to focus on herself, to put her oxygen mask on first, not in a selfish way but in order to
restore balance in her life. This shift impacts every aspect of her life. She has a wonderful career but she is eager to become a life coach. She believes it's important to stop and assess your life. It helps you decide where to spend your time and energy.
After her divorce, she was so scared of being alone she was physically, violently sick for weeks. Now she doesn't feel the need to be with someone in order to be happy. She'd love to share her life with someone but she no longer feels dependent on anyone else. She has been dating a new man for eight months and, even though her sons are still important to her, she is preparing for the next phase of her life.
She has an extraordinary network of friends who are very supportive of her. She also has a very active lifestyle. This keeps her heathy and energized. She enjoys biking, skiing, swimming, doing
yoga and meditation. The older she gets, the more physical activity she needs. She likes to challenge herself every year. This year, she plans to complete a triathlon.
Now that she is older and wiser, having lost several friends over the years, she recognizes the importance of not putting off to tomorrow what you can do today. When she was younger, she didn't understand why her father took her mother out for a date every Saturday to socialize with friends. She didn't understand why they had to visit her grandparents so often. Now that her father has progressed to the last stages of Alzheimer's and her mother is diagnosed with Parkinson's, she understands a lot. She hopes to eventually use her wisdom to empower other women through her coaching practice.
It has been a pleasure to interview you. Best of luck!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Last night, I had an inspiring conversation with a 46 year old professional woman. LL was excited to celebrate her 40th birthday. It was a positive experience for her. She is not frightened by the aging process. She welcomes it with gratitude. She feels happy to be alive. "Aging is the greatest gift ever and we must celebrate every year, wrinkles and all!"
At 46 years of age, LL is much more confident. She is less concerned with what others think. She fearlessly makes decisions because she learns from her mistakes, they become part of her journey. It's easier to move forward if you know you can't go wrong. She wouldn't change anything about her life because she wouldn't be who she is without each of those experiences.
LL divorced her husband of 20 years when she was 43 years old . She moved away with her sons, within the same neighbourhood, so her youngest could stay in the same school. She believes women suddenly make important decisions in their 40s because when they are younger they are too busy to think about their life. There is so much to do: studies, work, marriage, mothering young children etc. When their children have grown, women start asking questions: Is this it? What do I want? What would I like the next portion of my life to look like? Who would I like to spend the rest of my life with? What do I like or hate about my life right now? She believes hormones also play a role in this because she has noticed a link between anxiety and getting her period. Is it possible that not getting one's period is correlated with more confidence and bolder decisions?
LL supervises many younger women. She recognizes that they think very differently from her. Her advice to teenagers or young women is to "listen to that little voice inside, we all have it. Love yourself. Trust yourself. Stop worrying about what others think. Just accept yourself for who you are.
If you want to change something about your life, just do it". LL is a totally different person now
compared to 20 years ago. If she knew back then what she knows now, her journey would have looked very different. She has learned to love and appreciate herself. She pruned her friendships and realized she often treated her friends better than she treated herself. She would never treat her friends as poorly as she has treated herself in the past.
Her legacy is to teach young women to manage their expectations. They want everything now. They put too much pressure on themselves to have the fancy car, the big house and the impressive job title
at work. LL wishes she could help them understand that everything is temporary. It changes the way you approach life if you perceive it as temporary. Otherwise, you get married and think: This is my life or, you have young children and imagine life will always be this way.
LL has a successful career but she measures her success through her children. She is proud of her sons, aged 17 and 22. They are not perfect but they have survived many challenges and have turned out well. LL is going through a transition right now. She is shifting her focus away from her children
who were her main preoccupation for many years. She admits feeling a little guilty as she states that she wants to focus on herself, to put her oxygen mask on first, not in a selfish way but in order to
restore balance in her life. This shift impacts every aspect of her life. She has a wonderful career but she is eager to become a life coach. She believes it's important to stop and assess your life. It helps you decide where to spend your time and energy.
After her divorce, she was so scared of being alone she was physically, violently sick for weeks. Now she doesn't feel the need to be with someone in order to be happy. She'd love to share her life with someone but she no longer feels dependent on anyone else. She has been dating a new man for eight months and, even though her sons are still important to her, she is preparing for the next phase of her life.
She has an extraordinary network of friends who are very supportive of her. She also has a very active lifestyle. This keeps her heathy and energized. She enjoys biking, skiing, swimming, doing
yoga and meditation. The older she gets, the more physical activity she needs. She likes to challenge herself every year. This year, she plans to complete a triathlon.
Now that she is older and wiser, having lost several friends over the years, she recognizes the importance of not putting off to tomorrow what you can do today. When she was younger, she didn't understand why her father took her mother out for a date every Saturday to socialize with friends. She didn't understand why they had to visit her grandparents so often. Now that her father has progressed to the last stages of Alzheimer's and her mother is diagnosed with Parkinson's, she understands a lot. She hopes to eventually use her wisdom to empower other women through her coaching practice.
It has been a pleasure to interview you. Best of luck!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday 25 January 2016
Neurofeedback
January 25th, 2016
Today was an exciting day. I visited Carol Williams in North Augusta to try Neurofeedback. I have read quite a bit about it but I still wasn't sure what to expect. I would like to share this experience with you.
In July 2014, after the car accident, my brain had a concussion and needed a lot of rest. I went for a year of physiotherapy and slept a lot. Then I started drinking more coffee to give me the energy to get through the day. I recently started working out at the gym to help heal my body. Most of the symptoms have gone away but I do get dizzy quite often and I reach a point, every day, where I hit a wall of fatigue and can't go any further. Unfortunately, my daughters don't understand this and, as they insist that they are not tired and beg me to stay up later, I get grumpy. I don't have the energy to negotiate with them or play with them. I say: "I'm done. I love you. Go to bed. I'll see you in the morning".
I was hoping neurofeedback would help my brain so I could experience less dizziness and fatigue. Carol uses the NeurOptimal System. She showed me someone's brain map and explained that each side represents one of the brain's hemispheres. The graph helped to visualize the level of activity in different parts of the brain and, whether there was more activity on one side of the brain or not. I sat in a cozy chair and she draped a thick, warm blanket over my lap. She then placed some sensors on either side of my head and onto my ears. She took a baseline reading which took 15 seconds with my eyes open and 15 seconds with my eyes closed. I saw a squiggly line across the screen. I was given ear buds and she checked the volume of the music. It was perfect. She presented two options: 1-watch the graph lines move on the screen of her computer or, 2-watch a moving kaleidoscope of colour, also on her computer screen. I chose the kaleidoscope. There were circles growing and shrinking, one expanding, the other swallowing itself, dots crossing the screen, vibrating squares, all in a variety of colours, very psychedelic.
The music was meditative, instrumental and, put me in a bit of a trance. Carol left the room but informed me that I could knock on the wall or call out for her if I wished to stop the session prematurely for any reason. I was quite comfortable, watching the computer screen and listening to music. The session lasted just under 35 minutes. Carol returned and took another reading with eyes open and eyes closed. Some of the spikes had softened and the second line was much lower, indicating that I was very relaxed.
Throughout the session, periodically, I would hear a bit of static. This is when my brain was getting distracted. The static is a cue to the brain to bring it back to the task at hand. This is like a workout for your central nervous system, increasing your brain's plasticity and improving its functioning. Most people notice an improvement within six weeks. You generally go to one session per week and the amount of sessions you'll need depends on the individual. On one website, www.zengar.com, they suggest 20 sessions to deal with current issues and 30+ sessions for early life problems.
Neurofeedback is helpful for a variety of challenges from ADD/ADHD and Autism to Insomnia and depression. It has been used for Ptsd, anxiety and brain injuries and, is recommended to treat chronic pain as well. Some people stop the treatments once they obtain the results they want, others space out their sessions to monthly appointments.
Carol says some people feel energized after a session and others feel relaxed. I was definitely in the latter category. I felt like I might fall asleep during treatment. Carol suggested we prop my head with a pillow next time so I can sit back and sleep. I was yawning as we chatted after my appointment. The appointment was just over two hours ago and I am feeling calm and energized. I am going back next week for more healing. I should mention that Carol herself is very calm and gentle, friendly and non-judgemental. She answered all of my questions patiently and did not pressure me to book any additional sessions.
If you would like to learn more about Neurofeedback or try it for yourself, go to www.cwilliams.ca.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today was an exciting day. I visited Carol Williams in North Augusta to try Neurofeedback. I have read quite a bit about it but I still wasn't sure what to expect. I would like to share this experience with you.
In July 2014, after the car accident, my brain had a concussion and needed a lot of rest. I went for a year of physiotherapy and slept a lot. Then I started drinking more coffee to give me the energy to get through the day. I recently started working out at the gym to help heal my body. Most of the symptoms have gone away but I do get dizzy quite often and I reach a point, every day, where I hit a wall of fatigue and can't go any further. Unfortunately, my daughters don't understand this and, as they insist that they are not tired and beg me to stay up later, I get grumpy. I don't have the energy to negotiate with them or play with them. I say: "I'm done. I love you. Go to bed. I'll see you in the morning".
I was hoping neurofeedback would help my brain so I could experience less dizziness and fatigue. Carol uses the NeurOptimal System. She showed me someone's brain map and explained that each side represents one of the brain's hemispheres. The graph helped to visualize the level of activity in different parts of the brain and, whether there was more activity on one side of the brain or not. I sat in a cozy chair and she draped a thick, warm blanket over my lap. She then placed some sensors on either side of my head and onto my ears. She took a baseline reading which took 15 seconds with my eyes open and 15 seconds with my eyes closed. I saw a squiggly line across the screen. I was given ear buds and she checked the volume of the music. It was perfect. She presented two options: 1-watch the graph lines move on the screen of her computer or, 2-watch a moving kaleidoscope of colour, also on her computer screen. I chose the kaleidoscope. There were circles growing and shrinking, one expanding, the other swallowing itself, dots crossing the screen, vibrating squares, all in a variety of colours, very psychedelic.
The music was meditative, instrumental and, put me in a bit of a trance. Carol left the room but informed me that I could knock on the wall or call out for her if I wished to stop the session prematurely for any reason. I was quite comfortable, watching the computer screen and listening to music. The session lasted just under 35 minutes. Carol returned and took another reading with eyes open and eyes closed. Some of the spikes had softened and the second line was much lower, indicating that I was very relaxed.
Throughout the session, periodically, I would hear a bit of static. This is when my brain was getting distracted. The static is a cue to the brain to bring it back to the task at hand. This is like a workout for your central nervous system, increasing your brain's plasticity and improving its functioning. Most people notice an improvement within six weeks. You generally go to one session per week and the amount of sessions you'll need depends on the individual. On one website, www.zengar.com, they suggest 20 sessions to deal with current issues and 30+ sessions for early life problems.
Neurofeedback is helpful for a variety of challenges from ADD/ADHD and Autism to Insomnia and depression. It has been used for Ptsd, anxiety and brain injuries and, is recommended to treat chronic pain as well. Some people stop the treatments once they obtain the results they want, others space out their sessions to monthly appointments.
Carol says some people feel energized after a session and others feel relaxed. I was definitely in the latter category. I felt like I might fall asleep during treatment. Carol suggested we prop my head with a pillow next time so I can sit back and sleep. I was yawning as we chatted after my appointment. The appointment was just over two hours ago and I am feeling calm and energized. I am going back next week for more healing. I should mention that Carol herself is very calm and gentle, friendly and non-judgemental. She answered all of my questions patiently and did not pressure me to book any additional sessions.
If you would like to learn more about Neurofeedback or try it for yourself, go to www.cwilliams.ca.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday 24 January 2016
Perimenopause
January 24th, 2016
Today, I'd like to explore perimenopause. I am 45 years old and I have noticed changes in my body over the last few years. My friends are in their 40s as well and they are also experiencing changes. The one that is most discussed is the inability to get away with former dietary choices. Our bodies seem to convert everything to fat and deposit it directly onto our midsection.
I grew up hearing about menopause: hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness and mood swings. Perimenopause doesn't really get as much attention and yet I believe this transitional period leading up to menopause is just as important.
In my work with women and through my own personal journey I have noticed a disconnect between women and their bodies. Our bodies change during adolescence as we go through growth spurts and develop as women leading to self-consciousness. Then we find our groove again until we become mothers. Once again, our bodies morph and we discover new lumps, stretch marks, veins, the works! Our body belongs to the baby for some time as it develops in our womb then makes its way out and starts to nurse.
Women do all sorts of things to their bodies in order to appear young and beautiful. The public perception of beauty is fabricated by the media. Add to this the staggering statistics about sexual abuse among women and you can understand how we get lost along the way.
Then comes perimenopause. Our bodies are changing once again. Our cycles are altered and unpredictable. Our hormones stir up our emotions, swinging from anger to sadness. Some women think they are losing their mind. If you happen to have a teenage daughter going through her own hormonal changes simultaneously, the household can become quite chaotic. The changes in libido and vaginal fluids can create tension with your partner as well. Night sweats can keep you up all night while hot flashes may lead to arguments about keeping the window closed or open. I am surprised there isn't more discussion about this topic.
Menopause was always described as this big, crazy change but, it would seem it is perimenopause that wreaks havoc on our system. It lasts until we begin menopause. This means we have not had a period for twelve months. At that point, our hormones stabilize and many women claim they feel more like themselves. My mother has not experienced all the drama described by experts on perimenopause. I think it's because she made many lifestyle changes prior to being menopausal.
Here are some preventive tips which may help make this transition a bit smoother:
1-Get to know your body. Keep a journal and log observations to create a baseline of information. Moods, menstrual cycle, cravings, bloating, pain etc.
2-Reduce or eliminate foods or substances that will increase your symptoms: alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, refined sugar, processed foods.
3-Find a physical activity you enjoy and stick with it: dancing (alone, as a couple in a class), going for walks after supper, swimming or aqua aerobics, cycling, joining a gym, doing yoga etc.
4-Make time for your friends. We often get busy and neglect our friendships. As your body changes, it can be helpful to talk to friends and compare what is happening in each other's lives. You know it's normal and you can provide mutual support. You can also meet with a therapist for additional support.
5-Be informed. Read about perimenopause. Know what to expect, how to prepare and, if need be, consult your doctor or naturopath to discuss options in order to help manage these changes.
6-Educate your partner about how you are feeling and what is happening to your body. Experiment if you need lubrication in order to enjoy your sex life. Communicate with loved ones about your needs or new boundaries.
7-Be patient. Your body is changing but it will eventually stabilize and you will feel like yourself again.
8-Love your body. It has been through so much. Think about what you have put your body through: sleepless nights, skipping meals or overindulging, stress levels, rigorous workouts, childbirth etc. Pledge to treat it well and recognize its awesomeness.
9-You may want to add supplements to support your body through this change: vitamin D, fish oil, a multivitamin, extra calcium (talk to your doctor or naturopath).
10-Take control of this experience. Make decisions that are right for you.
I urge you to discuss these changes with other women. It helps normalize this experience because that is exactly what it is, a normal experience.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today, I'd like to explore perimenopause. I am 45 years old and I have noticed changes in my body over the last few years. My friends are in their 40s as well and they are also experiencing changes. The one that is most discussed is the inability to get away with former dietary choices. Our bodies seem to convert everything to fat and deposit it directly onto our midsection.
I grew up hearing about menopause: hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness and mood swings. Perimenopause doesn't really get as much attention and yet I believe this transitional period leading up to menopause is just as important.
In my work with women and through my own personal journey I have noticed a disconnect between women and their bodies. Our bodies change during adolescence as we go through growth spurts and develop as women leading to self-consciousness. Then we find our groove again until we become mothers. Once again, our bodies morph and we discover new lumps, stretch marks, veins, the works! Our body belongs to the baby for some time as it develops in our womb then makes its way out and starts to nurse.
Women do all sorts of things to their bodies in order to appear young and beautiful. The public perception of beauty is fabricated by the media. Add to this the staggering statistics about sexual abuse among women and you can understand how we get lost along the way.
Then comes perimenopause. Our bodies are changing once again. Our cycles are altered and unpredictable. Our hormones stir up our emotions, swinging from anger to sadness. Some women think they are losing their mind. If you happen to have a teenage daughter going through her own hormonal changes simultaneously, the household can become quite chaotic. The changes in libido and vaginal fluids can create tension with your partner as well. Night sweats can keep you up all night while hot flashes may lead to arguments about keeping the window closed or open. I am surprised there isn't more discussion about this topic.
Menopause was always described as this big, crazy change but, it would seem it is perimenopause that wreaks havoc on our system. It lasts until we begin menopause. This means we have not had a period for twelve months. At that point, our hormones stabilize and many women claim they feel more like themselves. My mother has not experienced all the drama described by experts on perimenopause. I think it's because she made many lifestyle changes prior to being menopausal.
Here are some preventive tips which may help make this transition a bit smoother:
1-Get to know your body. Keep a journal and log observations to create a baseline of information. Moods, menstrual cycle, cravings, bloating, pain etc.
2-Reduce or eliminate foods or substances that will increase your symptoms: alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, refined sugar, processed foods.
3-Find a physical activity you enjoy and stick with it: dancing (alone, as a couple in a class), going for walks after supper, swimming or aqua aerobics, cycling, joining a gym, doing yoga etc.
4-Make time for your friends. We often get busy and neglect our friendships. As your body changes, it can be helpful to talk to friends and compare what is happening in each other's lives. You know it's normal and you can provide mutual support. You can also meet with a therapist for additional support.
5-Be informed. Read about perimenopause. Know what to expect, how to prepare and, if need be, consult your doctor or naturopath to discuss options in order to help manage these changes.
6-Educate your partner about how you are feeling and what is happening to your body. Experiment if you need lubrication in order to enjoy your sex life. Communicate with loved ones about your needs or new boundaries.
7-Be patient. Your body is changing but it will eventually stabilize and you will feel like yourself again.
8-Love your body. It has been through so much. Think about what you have put your body through: sleepless nights, skipping meals or overindulging, stress levels, rigorous workouts, childbirth etc. Pledge to treat it well and recognize its awesomeness.
9-You may want to add supplements to support your body through this change: vitamin D, fish oil, a multivitamin, extra calcium (talk to your doctor or naturopath).
10-Take control of this experience. Make decisions that are right for you.
I urge you to discuss these changes with other women. It helps normalize this experience because that is exactly what it is, a normal experience.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Saturday 23 January 2016
Creativity-We all have it.
January 23rd, 2016
We are all creative. Some of us excel at conjuring up new concepts, others can spew out one idea after another. Then there are the countless people who need something to get them started but they are geniuses at connecting ideas, adding and improving on the original concept. As children, this creativity is a given, we say whatever comes to mind and blur the lines between fantasy and reality on a daily basis. We "think outside the box", never question our ability to do things and, remain open to all possibilities.
At some point, we begin to equate creativity with artistic skill and we learn to think of ourselves as either artistic or not. This is unfortunate because creativity is like a muscle that gets stronger with practice. Let's try to stir up creativity in your life.
1) Grab an object from your environment and try to list as many uses for it as possible. Robin Williams did this during one of his stand up routines. He grabbed a woman's scarf and proceeded to transform it into a skirt, a veil, car wash curtains, hair, a hat, a bullfighter's cape etc.
2) Change the order that you do things every day; eat breakfast for supper or read your paper at the end of the day.
3) Eat different foods, whatever you would normally avoid.
4) Ask "what if" questions such as..."What if I didn't need money?", "What if I was a man/woman?", "What if children made all the decisions?", "What if no one would know?".
5) Write down a problem and ask five individuals to read your description and suggest solutions in writing. They may see the problem more objectively and propose very different perceptions.
6) Expose yourself to new ideas by reading different kinds of books, travelling or studying other cultures, visiting museums and art galleries, hanging out with a new crowd, taking the bus (instead of your car), listening to a type of music you never explored before or pursuing activities that are not in your comfort zone.
7) Challenge people around you to come up with crazy stories like the "Two truths and a lie" game where people lie about themselves but include a bit of truth. Listeners need to find which part of the story is true."So there I was"....
These seven activities can help you rekindle your creativity. This is important because the business world is now realizing the value of creative thinking especially when it comes to problem-solving. Brainstorming has been well-established as an effective tool for generating solutions to existing problems. In brainstorming, you withhold judgment and share as many ideas as possible while someone writes all of the ideas down onto a piece of paper. Then you pick through the information and attempt to build on some of the ideas that have the most potential, sometimes connecting the strongest ones and creating something new.
Similar to Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) where you manipulate experiences on the screen of your mind, it can be useful to play with problems.
What does the problem look like? Draw it or create a maquette of it.
What is the opposite of this problem?
How would a five year old deal with this?
Trace a map and see how you can get from point A, "You are here" to point B, where you want to be. Explore all possibilities.
Describe the problem from the point of view of each person involved. What do they have in common?
Walk backwards through the problem from the outcome to the beginning. Where could we make changes to avoid the outcome?
Where does this problem fit into the big picture of this relationship, family or business?
Compare it to another industry. How would they deal with it? If you're struggling with student retention in a college program. Think about somewhere everyone wants to go like Walt Disney World. What do people enjoy about this environment? How can we make our college program more like Walt Disney World?
You may need to see a problem from a different angle. How would this look from a bird's eye view? What if there was another point of entry?
Whether you are brainstorming at work, trying to motivate your children or simply looking for ways to spice up your life, creativity can help you expand your horizons, see issues from different perspectives and come up with original solutions to everyday problems.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
We are all creative. Some of us excel at conjuring up new concepts, others can spew out one idea after another. Then there are the countless people who need something to get them started but they are geniuses at connecting ideas, adding and improving on the original concept. As children, this creativity is a given, we say whatever comes to mind and blur the lines between fantasy and reality on a daily basis. We "think outside the box", never question our ability to do things and, remain open to all possibilities.
At some point, we begin to equate creativity with artistic skill and we learn to think of ourselves as either artistic or not. This is unfortunate because creativity is like a muscle that gets stronger with practice. Let's try to stir up creativity in your life.
1) Grab an object from your environment and try to list as many uses for it as possible. Robin Williams did this during one of his stand up routines. He grabbed a woman's scarf and proceeded to transform it into a skirt, a veil, car wash curtains, hair, a hat, a bullfighter's cape etc.
2) Change the order that you do things every day; eat breakfast for supper or read your paper at the end of the day.
3) Eat different foods, whatever you would normally avoid.
4) Ask "what if" questions such as..."What if I didn't need money?", "What if I was a man/woman?", "What if children made all the decisions?", "What if no one would know?".
5) Write down a problem and ask five individuals to read your description and suggest solutions in writing. They may see the problem more objectively and propose very different perceptions.
6) Expose yourself to new ideas by reading different kinds of books, travelling or studying other cultures, visiting museums and art galleries, hanging out with a new crowd, taking the bus (instead of your car), listening to a type of music you never explored before or pursuing activities that are not in your comfort zone.
7) Challenge people around you to come up with crazy stories like the "Two truths and a lie" game where people lie about themselves but include a bit of truth. Listeners need to find which part of the story is true."So there I was"....
These seven activities can help you rekindle your creativity. This is important because the business world is now realizing the value of creative thinking especially when it comes to problem-solving. Brainstorming has been well-established as an effective tool for generating solutions to existing problems. In brainstorming, you withhold judgment and share as many ideas as possible while someone writes all of the ideas down onto a piece of paper. Then you pick through the information and attempt to build on some of the ideas that have the most potential, sometimes connecting the strongest ones and creating something new.
Similar to Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) where you manipulate experiences on the screen of your mind, it can be useful to play with problems.
What does the problem look like? Draw it or create a maquette of it.
What is the opposite of this problem?
How would a five year old deal with this?
Trace a map and see how you can get from point A, "You are here" to point B, where you want to be. Explore all possibilities.
Describe the problem from the point of view of each person involved. What do they have in common?
Walk backwards through the problem from the outcome to the beginning. Where could we make changes to avoid the outcome?
Where does this problem fit into the big picture of this relationship, family or business?
Compare it to another industry. How would they deal with it? If you're struggling with student retention in a college program. Think about somewhere everyone wants to go like Walt Disney World. What do people enjoy about this environment? How can we make our college program more like Walt Disney World?
You may need to see a problem from a different angle. How would this look from a bird's eye view? What if there was another point of entry?
Whether you are brainstorming at work, trying to motivate your children or simply looking for ways to spice up your life, creativity can help you expand your horizons, see issues from different perspectives and come up with original solutions to everyday problems.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday 22 January 2016
Book of the Week: Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle
January 22nd, 2016
This week's book was packed with information and, a bit hard to read at times, but so worth it. Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle: How To Break Free of Negativity and Drama is written by Doreen Virtue. This is a well-researched psychology book. I have read many books about PTSD and the information gets repetitive but there is new, useful information presented here and I encourage you to buy this book if you or someone you love is living with PTSD.
This book describes how our bodies and minds respond to stress then provides real tips to bring calm back into our lives. Doreen explains how people who have had trauma in their lives attract drama to them in order to stimulate stress hormones. Hyper vigilance, the tendency to be on high alert and looking for clues of danger, helps people feel safe. When they are calm, they feel vulnerable so they trigger stress hormones through drama because that feels more comfortable.
The author outlines four reactions to trauma:1-Fight (anger and aggression), 2-Flight (avoidant behaviour and fear), 3-Freeze (dissociation) and 4-Fawn (complying with others in order to stay safe). I had never heard about this fourth reaction but it makes sense if I think about the children I've worked with who come from homes with domestic violence. They become really skilled at reading their parent's facial expressions and moods and do what they can to be invisible and compliant, walking on egg shells to avoid violence.
You may have heard about the role of adrenaline in stress and PTSD, how it speeds up the central nervous system and keeps people hyper alert. Cortisol is a stress hormone that has received a lot of press due to the abundance of stressed out women with muffin tops. Cortisol stores fat reserves onto your stomach as a protective measure, in case you starve. What I had never heard of before is the role of histamines in the stress reaction.
When you eat something you are allergic to, your body releases histamines. It helps your body react to the allergen. Doreen states that we can become addicted to the foods we are allergic to, believing they are our favourite foods. What we like is the release of histamines which increases our alertness. She lists high histamine foods that people who have experienced trauma may become addicted to, these include: aged cheddar, red wine, balsamic vinegar, cured meats, soy sauce, pickles etc. I was blown away by this list. Do you know someone who loves that specific list of items? I do.
The book describes the symptoms of PTSD which Doreen suggests be re-named Post Traumatic Stress Reaction because it is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, I agree. The word "disorder" only serves to further stigmatize individuals who are trying to come to terms with what happened to them. She also covers topics such as Secondary Traumatic Stress (hearing about trauma from someone else or watching it on tv), Burnout Syndrome (when hard workers feel their efforts go unrecognized, become angry then stop caring) and, Complex PTSR (where the trauma was ongoing). This first section of the book can be difficult to read. If you are dealing with PTSR, I would recommend you read a bit at a time and make plans to see a trusted friend or therapist for support.
The second section of the book offers a variety of tools to reduce the stress in your life. Doreen recommends a "drama detox" which involves distancing yourself from the people in your life who create drama as well as recognizing your own drama patterns. Some of the her tips for getting calm include: listening to quiet, relaxing music, focusing on one moment at a time, buying a plant to practice caring for something, reducing your consumption of high histamine foods, connecting with nature, hanging out with your pet, stretching, getting creative, de-cluttering your home or having a warm bath.
There are strategies to avoid some of the cognitive traps like "what if" thinking or pessimism and diet tips to avoid binging. She provides alternatives to the many allergens your body is exposed to from carpet fumes, bedding, cosmetics, clothing, cleaning supplies, plastics and electromagnetic energy fields. Doreen proposes a variety of non-medicinal treatments for anxiety and depression to deter people from self-numbing with alcohol or drugs. Some of her suggestions are quite simple like chamomile tea, lavender essential oils, Saint-John's Wort, Melatonin, body work, restorative yoga and gratitude.
The last section of the book helps people who have survived trauma work through their tendency to isolate themselves and avoid human contact as a way to protect themselves in order to create healthy relationships. Individuals are urged to seek support and examine what feelings were at the root of their poor choices in the past so they can make better choices in the future. They are encouraged to nurture self-love and connect with their feelings and intuition in order to assess whether someone will be a good friend or not. The author suggests going to healthy environments to meet new people and taking their time getting to know new acquaintances before trusting them. She also recommends listening to the advice of trusted friends when they have misgivings about a new friend or love interest. Lastly, Doreen goes over some strategies to empower individuals who are trying to maintain a relationship with a dysfunctional family while preserving healthy boundaries.
I will recommend this book to many friends and clients. This is one of those books that I will keep in my library for years so I can consult it on a regular basis. I strongly recommend this book whether you are diagnosed with PTSR or are simply living a stressful life and looking for a way to become healthy and calm.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
This week's book was packed with information and, a bit hard to read at times, but so worth it. Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle: How To Break Free of Negativity and Drama is written by Doreen Virtue. This is a well-researched psychology book. I have read many books about PTSD and the information gets repetitive but there is new, useful information presented here and I encourage you to buy this book if you or someone you love is living with PTSD.
This book describes how our bodies and minds respond to stress then provides real tips to bring calm back into our lives. Doreen explains how people who have had trauma in their lives attract drama to them in order to stimulate stress hormones. Hyper vigilance, the tendency to be on high alert and looking for clues of danger, helps people feel safe. When they are calm, they feel vulnerable so they trigger stress hormones through drama because that feels more comfortable.
The author outlines four reactions to trauma:1-Fight (anger and aggression), 2-Flight (avoidant behaviour and fear), 3-Freeze (dissociation) and 4-Fawn (complying with others in order to stay safe). I had never heard about this fourth reaction but it makes sense if I think about the children I've worked with who come from homes with domestic violence. They become really skilled at reading their parent's facial expressions and moods and do what they can to be invisible and compliant, walking on egg shells to avoid violence.
You may have heard about the role of adrenaline in stress and PTSD, how it speeds up the central nervous system and keeps people hyper alert. Cortisol is a stress hormone that has received a lot of press due to the abundance of stressed out women with muffin tops. Cortisol stores fat reserves onto your stomach as a protective measure, in case you starve. What I had never heard of before is the role of histamines in the stress reaction.
When you eat something you are allergic to, your body releases histamines. It helps your body react to the allergen. Doreen states that we can become addicted to the foods we are allergic to, believing they are our favourite foods. What we like is the release of histamines which increases our alertness. She lists high histamine foods that people who have experienced trauma may become addicted to, these include: aged cheddar, red wine, balsamic vinegar, cured meats, soy sauce, pickles etc. I was blown away by this list. Do you know someone who loves that specific list of items? I do.
The book describes the symptoms of PTSD which Doreen suggests be re-named Post Traumatic Stress Reaction because it is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, I agree. The word "disorder" only serves to further stigmatize individuals who are trying to come to terms with what happened to them. She also covers topics such as Secondary Traumatic Stress (hearing about trauma from someone else or watching it on tv), Burnout Syndrome (when hard workers feel their efforts go unrecognized, become angry then stop caring) and, Complex PTSR (where the trauma was ongoing). This first section of the book can be difficult to read. If you are dealing with PTSR, I would recommend you read a bit at a time and make plans to see a trusted friend or therapist for support.
The second section of the book offers a variety of tools to reduce the stress in your life. Doreen recommends a "drama detox" which involves distancing yourself from the people in your life who create drama as well as recognizing your own drama patterns. Some of the her tips for getting calm include: listening to quiet, relaxing music, focusing on one moment at a time, buying a plant to practice caring for something, reducing your consumption of high histamine foods, connecting with nature, hanging out with your pet, stretching, getting creative, de-cluttering your home or having a warm bath.
There are strategies to avoid some of the cognitive traps like "what if" thinking or pessimism and diet tips to avoid binging. She provides alternatives to the many allergens your body is exposed to from carpet fumes, bedding, cosmetics, clothing, cleaning supplies, plastics and electromagnetic energy fields. Doreen proposes a variety of non-medicinal treatments for anxiety and depression to deter people from self-numbing with alcohol or drugs. Some of her suggestions are quite simple like chamomile tea, lavender essential oils, Saint-John's Wort, Melatonin, body work, restorative yoga and gratitude.
The last section of the book helps people who have survived trauma work through their tendency to isolate themselves and avoid human contact as a way to protect themselves in order to create healthy relationships. Individuals are urged to seek support and examine what feelings were at the root of their poor choices in the past so they can make better choices in the future. They are encouraged to nurture self-love and connect with their feelings and intuition in order to assess whether someone will be a good friend or not. The author suggests going to healthy environments to meet new people and taking their time getting to know new acquaintances before trusting them. She also recommends listening to the advice of trusted friends when they have misgivings about a new friend or love interest. Lastly, Doreen goes over some strategies to empower individuals who are trying to maintain a relationship with a dysfunctional family while preserving healthy boundaries.
I will recommend this book to many friends and clients. This is one of those books that I will keep in my library for years so I can consult it on a regular basis. I strongly recommend this book whether you are diagnosed with PTSR or are simply living a stressful life and looking for a way to become healthy and calm.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Triple B Ranch-Sheep and Cheerful
January 21st, 2016
Today was a treat! I met with Terresa Buffman at Triple B Ranch. I wanted to pick her brain as she runs a successful farm in Oxford Station and I am very interested in learning about farming. I'd love to own chickens, goats and grow our own vegetables.
Shortly after we moved to Kemptville, some locals approached us about boarding their horses. They had three horses and we have seven box stalls. I explained to them that I knew nothing about horses and I was very pregnant so they would need to come every day to take care of their horses. We also had them sign a waiver because we weren't sure if our barn was suitable or safe. They boarded their horses here until they purchased a home with a barn up the street from us and moved their horses to the new home. My daughters and I visited the horses every day when they lived on our property. Occasionally, we would feed them apples. When they left, I missed them and realized I really loved horses. I saw ads on Facebook for free horses and started talking to my husband, the realist, about my dream of having horses on the property again. I talked to horse lovers and they warned me that horses are NOT pets. They cost a lot of money and you need to know what you are doing.
I decided to aim lower, perhaps we could start with chickens. There used to be chickens on this property. Everyone I spoke to assured me they were easy to care for, they even eat dinner scraps and compost. Someone told me they eat egg shells, that just seems wrong. My husband has warmed up to the idea over time, he eats three eggs a day. I know a number of people who purchased lots of chickens and they end up with too many eggs. My goal is to have two chickens. We'd get fresh eggs every day.
I also love goats. They are adorable and, we can get goat's milk, cheese and soap, all from one source. I heard they eat everything and climb on stuff so I thought I would talk to people before we move any further in that direction. Terresa tells me there is a demand for goat's cheese at the moment. She knows someone who owns goats and she thinks they are very much like sheep.
My other goal is to grow our own vegetables. We have a tomato and herb garden every year but the chipmunks always eat our tomatoes before they are ripe. Very frustrating. If we could build a small greenhouse, I'd love to have spinach, kale, onions, tomatoes, cucumber, bell peppers, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and herbs.
I was raised in the city so I need to do my research if any of this is going to succeed. That is where Terresa comes in. She is also a city girl. She moved to the country in 1993 with her husband and they built their first house together on a one acre plot of land. They lived there for 17 years. They purchased 50 acres of land with nothing on it, just trees and moved to their home on this property in November 2007. They have since expanded the land to 100 acres. They weren't sure what to do with the land at first. Then, their three daughters became interested in horses. They bought a horse from the 4H lady for one daughter, got a second horse for free and, seeing as their youngest daughter wasn't sure yet about getting a horse, they gave her five bunnies. The girls learned to be responsible for their animals.
Terresa felt intimidated by the horses at first, they are huge. It took her over a month just to get into the paddock with them. When their youngest daughter decided she'd also like to have a horse, they got her a pony. The Buffham family decided to try their hand at chickens. They had watched Food Inc. and it turned their life around. The were determined to know where their food was coming from. They built chicken coops and purchased 2 laying hens, 10 meat birds and 3 turkeys. They now have 85 laying hens, 100 meat birds and 50 turkeys. Terresa says the demand has grown over the years and they plan to have even more meat birds this year because the meat birds always make money.
The Buffhams wondered what their next step might be. They wanted to have something fun that could subsidize their true passion, horses. They decided to launch Triple B Ranch as a business and purchased 18 sheep. This was an investment they made as a family, every member help. It has been a great experience for their three daughters. They learned about responsibility, caring for animals, the food chain and, they spent time in nature (not on technology). The farm became something the girls could fall back on and they just soaked up the experience. Terresa says the children "are like sponges". Her eldest daughter can't wait to own her own farm one day. The farm also helped the family through some tough times. "Farming is a full-time job but it centres you. You are out in nature, the animals are always happy to see you and they won't talk back".
Terresa has started sharing her passion for this way of life with other children through her Agriculture Day Camp. Children aged 6+ can sign up. They get a binder which they are responsible for until the end of the program. They decorate their binder and receive inserts. They must learn about the proper care of animals and the various parts of an animal. They also get to garden together. Each child chose an animal to present, walking up and down the driveway. The children are learning about the food they eat, they are getting fresh air and exercise and, they go home dirty and tired. Many of them fall asleep on their way home. If you'd like to sign up children for the Triple B Ranch Summer Camp, I suggest you do it now. Children are already registered. You can e-mail Terresa at triplebranch2008@gmail.com or call her at (613) 285-6243.
She has had to learn about farming the hard way, losing part of her herd, costly vet bills etc. She taught me so much in our short time together and now I will share her tips with you.
Tip #1 Fencing is key, to keep the animals in and to ensure coyote stay out. Otherwise you spend a lot of time chasing the animals when they escape. Having a donkey is also a good safety measure to keep coyote out.
Tip #2 Start small, you can always expand. They had 18 sheep from the start. It was too much. You must consider how many people are on hand to help.
Tip #3 Sheep don't stay healthy just from being in an area, eating grass. You must take preventative measures to keep the animals healthy. By the time you realize a sheep is ill, it's too late, it will die within three days. Preventative measures include livestock management, you can't have too many sheep in one area or too many animals crowded together. Animals need deworming, vitamins, minerals and antibiotics right away when they get sick.
Tip #4 If you get an animal from another farm, don't mix it with your animals right away. Animals have Coccidia, a parasite that lives in their feces. When they poop, this contaminates the grass where your other animals are eating, infecting all the animals. That's why you never throw their food on the ground, you don't want it to get contaminated. You must treat the Coccidia with an antibiotic before introducing new animals into the herd.
Tip#4 Get a mobile fence and partition your animals. Rotate the animals so you are not putting the same bacteria into the ground. You can also get Guinea Fowl, they will detox your grass for you.
Tip #5 If you can't afford to buy or build a greenhouse, you can raise the garden beds to keep animals out. Terresa will experiment with growing starter plants in the straw bales with a bit of earth this year.
Tip #6 Terresa rescued some pot bellied pigs when a farm was ravaged by a fire. She realized she could never have pigs. They are messy, they destroy the pasture and the smell is intense, especially their feet. So, if you are considering this animal, you may want to visit someone with pot bellied pigs to assess whether this animal is right for you.
Tip #7 They purchased a cow for beef one year ago. She highly recommends it. They'll eat the hay no one else wants, the coarse stuff and, they are hardier than the sheep. However, if you get a male, you must have him de-horned and he should be castrated so he doesn't get too aggressive. They are gentle and affectionate. They will be expanding their beef business so please help get the word out. The Buffham's beef and poultry are free range, without chemicals or by-products.
Tip #8 If you decide to have meat birds, females take longer to grow. Cockerels eat more and grow faster but they get aggressive and start pecking each other. You need to be careful otherwise you start losing your birds.
As you can see, my visit to the farm was very informative. We ran out of time for me to actually see the animals. I will be back to meet the animals. Next time, I'm bringing my daughters.
Anne Walsh
Today was a treat! I met with Terresa Buffman at Triple B Ranch. I wanted to pick her brain as she runs a successful farm in Oxford Station and I am very interested in learning about farming. I'd love to own chickens, goats and grow our own vegetables.
Shortly after we moved to Kemptville, some locals approached us about boarding their horses. They had three horses and we have seven box stalls. I explained to them that I knew nothing about horses and I was very pregnant so they would need to come every day to take care of their horses. We also had them sign a waiver because we weren't sure if our barn was suitable or safe. They boarded their horses here until they purchased a home with a barn up the street from us and moved their horses to the new home. My daughters and I visited the horses every day when they lived on our property. Occasionally, we would feed them apples. When they left, I missed them and realized I really loved horses. I saw ads on Facebook for free horses and started talking to my husband, the realist, about my dream of having horses on the property again. I talked to horse lovers and they warned me that horses are NOT pets. They cost a lot of money and you need to know what you are doing.
I decided to aim lower, perhaps we could start with chickens. There used to be chickens on this property. Everyone I spoke to assured me they were easy to care for, they even eat dinner scraps and compost. Someone told me they eat egg shells, that just seems wrong. My husband has warmed up to the idea over time, he eats three eggs a day. I know a number of people who purchased lots of chickens and they end up with too many eggs. My goal is to have two chickens. We'd get fresh eggs every day.
I also love goats. They are adorable and, we can get goat's milk, cheese and soap, all from one source. I heard they eat everything and climb on stuff so I thought I would talk to people before we move any further in that direction. Terresa tells me there is a demand for goat's cheese at the moment. She knows someone who owns goats and she thinks they are very much like sheep.
My other goal is to grow our own vegetables. We have a tomato and herb garden every year but the chipmunks always eat our tomatoes before they are ripe. Very frustrating. If we could build a small greenhouse, I'd love to have spinach, kale, onions, tomatoes, cucumber, bell peppers, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and herbs.
I was raised in the city so I need to do my research if any of this is going to succeed. That is where Terresa comes in. She is also a city girl. She moved to the country in 1993 with her husband and they built their first house together on a one acre plot of land. They lived there for 17 years. They purchased 50 acres of land with nothing on it, just trees and moved to their home on this property in November 2007. They have since expanded the land to 100 acres. They weren't sure what to do with the land at first. Then, their three daughters became interested in horses. They bought a horse from the 4H lady for one daughter, got a second horse for free and, seeing as their youngest daughter wasn't sure yet about getting a horse, they gave her five bunnies. The girls learned to be responsible for their animals.
Terresa felt intimidated by the horses at first, they are huge. It took her over a month just to get into the paddock with them. When their youngest daughter decided she'd also like to have a horse, they got her a pony. The Buffham family decided to try their hand at chickens. They had watched Food Inc. and it turned their life around. The were determined to know where their food was coming from. They built chicken coops and purchased 2 laying hens, 10 meat birds and 3 turkeys. They now have 85 laying hens, 100 meat birds and 50 turkeys. Terresa says the demand has grown over the years and they plan to have even more meat birds this year because the meat birds always make money.
The Buffhams wondered what their next step might be. They wanted to have something fun that could subsidize their true passion, horses. They decided to launch Triple B Ranch as a business and purchased 18 sheep. This was an investment they made as a family, every member help. It has been a great experience for their three daughters. They learned about responsibility, caring for animals, the food chain and, they spent time in nature (not on technology). The farm became something the girls could fall back on and they just soaked up the experience. Terresa says the children "are like sponges". Her eldest daughter can't wait to own her own farm one day. The farm also helped the family through some tough times. "Farming is a full-time job but it centres you. You are out in nature, the animals are always happy to see you and they won't talk back".
Terresa has started sharing her passion for this way of life with other children through her Agriculture Day Camp. Children aged 6+ can sign up. They get a binder which they are responsible for until the end of the program. They decorate their binder and receive inserts. They must learn about the proper care of animals and the various parts of an animal. They also get to garden together. Each child chose an animal to present, walking up and down the driveway. The children are learning about the food they eat, they are getting fresh air and exercise and, they go home dirty and tired. Many of them fall asleep on their way home. If you'd like to sign up children for the Triple B Ranch Summer Camp, I suggest you do it now. Children are already registered. You can e-mail Terresa at triplebranch2008@gmail.com or call her at (613) 285-6243.
She has had to learn about farming the hard way, losing part of her herd, costly vet bills etc. She taught me so much in our short time together and now I will share her tips with you.
Tip #1 Fencing is key, to keep the animals in and to ensure coyote stay out. Otherwise you spend a lot of time chasing the animals when they escape. Having a donkey is also a good safety measure to keep coyote out.
Tip #2 Start small, you can always expand. They had 18 sheep from the start. It was too much. You must consider how many people are on hand to help.
Tip #3 Sheep don't stay healthy just from being in an area, eating grass. You must take preventative measures to keep the animals healthy. By the time you realize a sheep is ill, it's too late, it will die within three days. Preventative measures include livestock management, you can't have too many sheep in one area or too many animals crowded together. Animals need deworming, vitamins, minerals and antibiotics right away when they get sick.
Tip #4 If you get an animal from another farm, don't mix it with your animals right away. Animals have Coccidia, a parasite that lives in their feces. When they poop, this contaminates the grass where your other animals are eating, infecting all the animals. That's why you never throw their food on the ground, you don't want it to get contaminated. You must treat the Coccidia with an antibiotic before introducing new animals into the herd.
Tip#4 Get a mobile fence and partition your animals. Rotate the animals so you are not putting the same bacteria into the ground. You can also get Guinea Fowl, they will detox your grass for you.
Tip #5 If you can't afford to buy or build a greenhouse, you can raise the garden beds to keep animals out. Terresa will experiment with growing starter plants in the straw bales with a bit of earth this year.
Tip #6 Terresa rescued some pot bellied pigs when a farm was ravaged by a fire. She realized she could never have pigs. They are messy, they destroy the pasture and the smell is intense, especially their feet. So, if you are considering this animal, you may want to visit someone with pot bellied pigs to assess whether this animal is right for you.
Tip #7 They purchased a cow for beef one year ago. She highly recommends it. They'll eat the hay no one else wants, the coarse stuff and, they are hardier than the sheep. However, if you get a male, you must have him de-horned and he should be castrated so he doesn't get too aggressive. They are gentle and affectionate. They will be expanding their beef business so please help get the word out. The Buffham's beef and poultry are free range, without chemicals or by-products.
Tip #8 If you decide to have meat birds, females take longer to grow. Cockerels eat more and grow faster but they get aggressive and start pecking each other. You need to be careful otherwise you start losing your birds.
As you can see, my visit to the farm was very informative. We ran out of time for me to actually see the animals. I will be back to meet the animals. Next time, I'm bringing my daughters.
Anne Walsh
Wednesday 20 January 2016
Grief, at any Age
January 20th, 2016
Last Friday, I visited my youngest daughter's class to offer a "Have You Hugged Your Alien?" workshop. There were two classes combined into one which meant 38 grade 2 students having a blast! I love doing these workshops however, I have noticed a pattern. Every time I go to a school and offer a workshop, whether it be about creativity, self-care, stress management or healthy emotional expression, children start telling me about the pets, grand-parents and parents who have passed away. They share stories about their loved ones, how they died and what people said or did after the death.
At this last workshop, a little girl said her dad had passed away. In response to a comment about that being very sad, the little girl explained: "Well, it's been two years". Her tone was very dismissive. Does she think she should be "over it" by now? That is very sad. The thing about children is they don't always understand what has happened to their loved one. They may expect to see them again. Their family is grieving as well so they may not be able to take the time to explain everything to them. We also try to protect the children so we may keep them in the dark, exclude them from funeral services and conversations. When children express grief, we may try to make them feel better. Only time will do that. We can't take away their grief, only be present and honest. We may hide our own grief from them because we "don't want them to see us upset". This further confuses them because they feel all these emotions and the adults around them are going about their business as usual.
It's not just children who are not allowed to grieve. I witnessed this first-hand when a close relative had a miscarriage, just how awkward it can be to grieve while everyone encourages you to move on. She had just had a miscarriage. The baby was quite advanced. She was upset, obviously. It was another relative's birthday. We all went out for supper to celebrate. As we sat at the restaurant, everyone was happy, giddy etc. acting as if nothing had happened. I looked over at her, in shock. She had this empty look in her eyes. I asked her if she'd like to come outside with me. We sat on a curb and I gave her a tiny compass on a chain. I told her I think about her all the time and, if she felt lost and alone, all she had to do was look at this compass and know that I was out there, waiting for her to call. We sat together quietly and she was ready to go back inside. She seemed a bit lighter and she was excited to share her compass with the group. They were not receptive. She was dampening the mood. How dare she, on this person's birthday? Once again, I sat there in disbelief. We looked at each other and she put on her necklace.
Another example of our negation of people's right to grieve is the move to a long term care facility. I have seen it many times. A family arrives with their elder. They empty the boxes and set up photo frames and decorative comforters, maybe hang some art. They try to create a festive atmosphere but they are stressed and worried. The tension builds in them throughout the day as the moment to leave approaches. The older adult is also stressed and worried. They join the other residents for lunch or supper and, just like the first day of school, they try to find a friendly face. They are suddenly alone. They look around their room. This is their new home. There are a few tokens from their full life but the room feels bare. They have held their emotions in to save their children from their own feelings of sadness and guilt. They know this was a difficult decision for them. They no longer live in their home, in their neighbourhood with all their stuff, accumulated over the years. They generally move in without their spouse who died a few years ago.
The staff welcome this new resident, oblivious to who this person is, what they have been through in their long life and what fills them with joy. Everyone is getting acquainted. The resident learns to eat whatever is served, three times a day, at the time it is available, they are bathed weekly, sometimes by the same person and gender, other times it's someone new, they may not have a car to get out, run errands or catch a movie. They wonder what has happened to their stuff. Who got the fine china?
As an art therapist or activity professional, you do your best to read their social history, taken from the social worker, to find other residents who might enjoy being friends with them, to organize a welcome party, to plan activities that might be enjoyable to them and to spend some time with the new resident and help them adjust to their new surroundings. They have gone through so many losses and now they have all the time in the world to feel the impact of each loss. We try to keep them busy, make them laugh and, convince them that this facility is "the best of its kind". However, just like children who have lost a parent and women who have miscarried, all they need is someone to be present, be honest and acknowledge that this is very challenging.
Grief is natural, it's painful and it takes time. We don't need to stop it, fix it or say something particularly deep. We just need to accept it, breathe into it, give it time and space then, show compassion for ourselves as we ride the wave of grief.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Last Friday, I visited my youngest daughter's class to offer a "Have You Hugged Your Alien?" workshop. There were two classes combined into one which meant 38 grade 2 students having a blast! I love doing these workshops however, I have noticed a pattern. Every time I go to a school and offer a workshop, whether it be about creativity, self-care, stress management or healthy emotional expression, children start telling me about the pets, grand-parents and parents who have passed away. They share stories about their loved ones, how they died and what people said or did after the death.
At this last workshop, a little girl said her dad had passed away. In response to a comment about that being very sad, the little girl explained: "Well, it's been two years". Her tone was very dismissive. Does she think she should be "over it" by now? That is very sad. The thing about children is they don't always understand what has happened to their loved one. They may expect to see them again. Their family is grieving as well so they may not be able to take the time to explain everything to them. We also try to protect the children so we may keep them in the dark, exclude them from funeral services and conversations. When children express grief, we may try to make them feel better. Only time will do that. We can't take away their grief, only be present and honest. We may hide our own grief from them because we "don't want them to see us upset". This further confuses them because they feel all these emotions and the adults around them are going about their business as usual.
It's not just children who are not allowed to grieve. I witnessed this first-hand when a close relative had a miscarriage, just how awkward it can be to grieve while everyone encourages you to move on. She had just had a miscarriage. The baby was quite advanced. She was upset, obviously. It was another relative's birthday. We all went out for supper to celebrate. As we sat at the restaurant, everyone was happy, giddy etc. acting as if nothing had happened. I looked over at her, in shock. She had this empty look in her eyes. I asked her if she'd like to come outside with me. We sat on a curb and I gave her a tiny compass on a chain. I told her I think about her all the time and, if she felt lost and alone, all she had to do was look at this compass and know that I was out there, waiting for her to call. We sat together quietly and she was ready to go back inside. She seemed a bit lighter and she was excited to share her compass with the group. They were not receptive. She was dampening the mood. How dare she, on this person's birthday? Once again, I sat there in disbelief. We looked at each other and she put on her necklace.
Another example of our negation of people's right to grieve is the move to a long term care facility. I have seen it many times. A family arrives with their elder. They empty the boxes and set up photo frames and decorative comforters, maybe hang some art. They try to create a festive atmosphere but they are stressed and worried. The tension builds in them throughout the day as the moment to leave approaches. The older adult is also stressed and worried. They join the other residents for lunch or supper and, just like the first day of school, they try to find a friendly face. They are suddenly alone. They look around their room. This is their new home. There are a few tokens from their full life but the room feels bare. They have held their emotions in to save their children from their own feelings of sadness and guilt. They know this was a difficult decision for them. They no longer live in their home, in their neighbourhood with all their stuff, accumulated over the years. They generally move in without their spouse who died a few years ago.
The staff welcome this new resident, oblivious to who this person is, what they have been through in their long life and what fills them with joy. Everyone is getting acquainted. The resident learns to eat whatever is served, three times a day, at the time it is available, they are bathed weekly, sometimes by the same person and gender, other times it's someone new, they may not have a car to get out, run errands or catch a movie. They wonder what has happened to their stuff. Who got the fine china?
As an art therapist or activity professional, you do your best to read their social history, taken from the social worker, to find other residents who might enjoy being friends with them, to organize a welcome party, to plan activities that might be enjoyable to them and to spend some time with the new resident and help them adjust to their new surroundings. They have gone through so many losses and now they have all the time in the world to feel the impact of each loss. We try to keep them busy, make them laugh and, convince them that this facility is "the best of its kind". However, just like children who have lost a parent and women who have miscarried, all they need is someone to be present, be honest and acknowledge that this is very challenging.
Grief is natural, it's painful and it takes time. We don't need to stop it, fix it or say something particularly deep. We just need to accept it, breathe into it, give it time and space then, show compassion for ourselves as we ride the wave of grief.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday 19 January 2016
Fitness-Zumba Kids
January 19th, 2016
As many of you know, I am determined to get my body back to its regular size. I don't feel like this is my body right now. It's not that I want to get "wafer thin" again, I just want to feel healthy. When we moved out here, I was looking for a Fitness class for pregnant women. I contacted a trainer and she said she was not comfortable taking on a pregnant client. Once I'd had my daughter, the trainer was willing to teach a Mommy and Me fitness class. I was very excited! Unfortunately, I was the only one who lasted beyond six weeks. Most moms dropped out by week 3. The trainer could not afford to keep training me, it wasn't lucrative enough for her.
There are so many gyms in the area but none of them have child care. This makes it challenging for moms with little ones to get into a regular workout routine. I had signed up for Zumba in the evening, once a week. The instructor was funny and enthusiastic and I love dancing to latin music so it was very enjoyable. However, every week, I would drive to class at the speed of light trying to be there on time after feeding the children, bathing them (they would be in bed by the time I returned and had school the next day) and picking up the babysitter. It was stressful and exhausting. I thought to myself: "There has got to be a better way".
I've participated in group cleanses where I cut out caffeine, wheat, dairy and sugar. I feel great but I am unable to maintain that diet long term. I purchased videos targeting my gut and butt. They are fun but I get bored of them especially if I don't see any results. It can be challenging to workout in my walk-in closet three times a week undisturbed by children or pets.
Last year, there was an evening Drumfit session at my daughters' school for the entire family. I took the girls to the class and we all had fun. I was ready to sign us up but it was a one shot deal. I was really disappointed. Drumfit and Zumba have been my favourite types of workout so far. They get you moving (cardio), you hear great music which helps to keep me motivated and, I get to dance, something I enjoy. I contacted the Zumba instructor to see if she might offer a family Zumba class. She replied that she was not trained in child Zumba.
I was intrigued. I searched the Zumba site www.zumba.com and found that you can take a Zumba Kids and Zumba Kids Jr Instructor course. My interest was piqued. I would love to provide classes for parents and their kids so everyone can stay healthy. It is so much fun to workout together. Kids love the music and get into their own groove. Parents can meet others with children in the same age group. Currently, there is no training in the area but I am keeping my eyes peeled and as soon as there is training nearby, I am doing this. As a mom, who loves dancing, latin music, children and community building, this would be so much fun!
Stay tuned everyone! Fitness Fun for the whole Family is coming your way :)
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
As many of you know, I am determined to get my body back to its regular size. I don't feel like this is my body right now. It's not that I want to get "wafer thin" again, I just want to feel healthy. When we moved out here, I was looking for a Fitness class for pregnant women. I contacted a trainer and she said she was not comfortable taking on a pregnant client. Once I'd had my daughter, the trainer was willing to teach a Mommy and Me fitness class. I was very excited! Unfortunately, I was the only one who lasted beyond six weeks. Most moms dropped out by week 3. The trainer could not afford to keep training me, it wasn't lucrative enough for her.
There are so many gyms in the area but none of them have child care. This makes it challenging for moms with little ones to get into a regular workout routine. I had signed up for Zumba in the evening, once a week. The instructor was funny and enthusiastic and I love dancing to latin music so it was very enjoyable. However, every week, I would drive to class at the speed of light trying to be there on time after feeding the children, bathing them (they would be in bed by the time I returned and had school the next day) and picking up the babysitter. It was stressful and exhausting. I thought to myself: "There has got to be a better way".
I've participated in group cleanses where I cut out caffeine, wheat, dairy and sugar. I feel great but I am unable to maintain that diet long term. I purchased videos targeting my gut and butt. They are fun but I get bored of them especially if I don't see any results. It can be challenging to workout in my walk-in closet three times a week undisturbed by children or pets.
Last year, there was an evening Drumfit session at my daughters' school for the entire family. I took the girls to the class and we all had fun. I was ready to sign us up but it was a one shot deal. I was really disappointed. Drumfit and Zumba have been my favourite types of workout so far. They get you moving (cardio), you hear great music which helps to keep me motivated and, I get to dance, something I enjoy. I contacted the Zumba instructor to see if she might offer a family Zumba class. She replied that she was not trained in child Zumba.
I was intrigued. I searched the Zumba site www.zumba.com and found that you can take a Zumba Kids and Zumba Kids Jr Instructor course. My interest was piqued. I would love to provide classes for parents and their kids so everyone can stay healthy. It is so much fun to workout together. Kids love the music and get into their own groove. Parents can meet others with children in the same age group. Currently, there is no training in the area but I am keeping my eyes peeled and as soon as there is training nearby, I am doing this. As a mom, who loves dancing, latin music, children and community building, this would be so much fun!
Stay tuned everyone! Fitness Fun for the whole Family is coming your way :)
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday 18 January 2016
Coffee, Huts and Sheep
January 18th, 2016
Coffee
Right after Christmas, our coffee machine broke. We started using a bodum. Then, when I was shopping for groceries, I saw an espresso machine on sale. I bought it, read through the instructions and experimented with it. Our coffee beans were not strong enough. I invested in some delicious espresso beans and I was on my way. Now, every morning, my husband and I drink strong, foamy, beautiful coffee.
I can't recall my very first cup of coffee but I love it! My favorite things to do are: 1) read a great book while I sip a hot coffee, 2) meet with a friend and chat over a mellow, milky cup of coffee and, 3) do some writing while I savor a Latte. I have completed so much work in coffee shops from writing to work meetings. Brewed Awakenings and Geronimo Coffee Shop are my favorite hangouts in town.
Huts
When I was a child, I always drew circular homes. I wish I still had the many detailed drawings of round homes. I also imagined myself living in a tree house with animals and vegetation all around me.
Sheep
If you asked me what I was going to do when I grew up, I knew without a doubt that I would be a shepherdess. Here is the weird thing, I had lived in Vanier, Ontario my whole life, no round houses and, certainly no sheep. This puzzled me until I did some research on Ethiopia for one of my psychology classes.
It turns out Ethiopians love their coffee, it is not uncommon to gather and socialize over a strong cup of coffee. Many Ethiopians become farmers or shepherds and, I almost fell over when I saw the round huts. The thing is, my father is Ethiopian but I never met him or anyone related to him. I was raised in a white family and was never educated about the way people lived in other countries. My mother tells me I look and walk like my dad. Again, this boggles my mind. How can I walk like someone I never met?
It fascinates me how much of who we are has to do with nature over nurture. This is particularly evident in research on twins who were raised apart. I once read a study that demonstrated how twins who are raised separately are more alike than twins who are raised under the same roof. The researcher speculated that it may have to do with the fact that they don't feel the need to differentiate. When they live together, if one of the twins develops his talent for music, the other twin may decide to pursue a different interest. If they don't know each other, they may both become musicians. So interesting!
Coffee
Right after Christmas, our coffee machine broke. We started using a bodum. Then, when I was shopping for groceries, I saw an espresso machine on sale. I bought it, read through the instructions and experimented with it. Our coffee beans were not strong enough. I invested in some delicious espresso beans and I was on my way. Now, every morning, my husband and I drink strong, foamy, beautiful coffee.
I can't recall my very first cup of coffee but I love it! My favorite things to do are: 1) read a great book while I sip a hot coffee, 2) meet with a friend and chat over a mellow, milky cup of coffee and, 3) do some writing while I savor a Latte. I have completed so much work in coffee shops from writing to work meetings. Brewed Awakenings and Geronimo Coffee Shop are my favorite hangouts in town.
Huts
When I was a child, I always drew circular homes. I wish I still had the many detailed drawings of round homes. I also imagined myself living in a tree house with animals and vegetation all around me.
Sheep
If you asked me what I was going to do when I grew up, I knew without a doubt that I would be a shepherdess. Here is the weird thing, I had lived in Vanier, Ontario my whole life, no round houses and, certainly no sheep. This puzzled me until I did some research on Ethiopia for one of my psychology classes.
It turns out Ethiopians love their coffee, it is not uncommon to gather and socialize over a strong cup of coffee. Many Ethiopians become farmers or shepherds and, I almost fell over when I saw the round huts. The thing is, my father is Ethiopian but I never met him or anyone related to him. I was raised in a white family and was never educated about the way people lived in other countries. My mother tells me I look and walk like my dad. Again, this boggles my mind. How can I walk like someone I never met?
It fascinates me how much of who we are has to do with nature over nurture. This is particularly evident in research on twins who were raised apart. I once read a study that demonstrated how twins who are raised separately are more alike than twins who are raised under the same roof. The researcher speculated that it may have to do with the fact that they don't feel the need to differentiate. When they live together, if one of the twins develops his talent for music, the other twin may decide to pursue a different interest. If they don't know each other, they may both become musicians. So interesting!
Sunday 17 January 2016
Geothermal Heating and Cooling
January 17th, 2016
As I sit here watching the thick snowflakes gently covering our property, I feel grateful. Now, don't get me wrong, I am NOT a Winter person at all. I could leave at the start of winter and return for Spring every year and NEVER miss it. However I am grateful to the heavy snow because it provides thick insulation, keeping the heat underground.
We moved to our old farm house in Spring 2008. I was expecting our second child, my husband was driving to Kanata to satisfy his former clientele while growing his business out here. As we prepared for the arrival of our second child, we noticed the lack of insulation in our home, specifically in our nursery. The previous owners had closed the door to that room to keep the cold out and used wool socks to fill the gaps under the many exterior doors of this home. The house was heated with oil and we worried that the cost of heating this home might be more than we bargained for.
We researched alternative forms of energy and applied for a grant to improve the energy efficiency of our home. We had the nursery insulated, we enclosed the front porch and, hired a company to install a geothermal heating and cooling system in our home. R&B Heating was recommended by the locals but, when we contacted them, they were fully booked and we were desperate to get it done before the baby arrived. In the end, we hired The Stove Store. We were in for a rocky road.
Our garden was dug up with trenches for the many pipes involved in the geothermal system. The geothermal system uses the underground heat to warm up the ethanol in its pipes which is carried to the house. The heat is then transferred to our forced air system, keeping our home nice and cozy. Initially, our Hydro bills went through the roof. Stella was born by then and getting massive Hydro bills was very stressful. We had engineers come to the house to inspect the system. The pipes needed to be "burped" as air was trapped in them. This had forced the system to use the tertiary source of energy, electricity. Now it all made sense! Once the system was working properly, we were able to save so much money on our heating bills.
Last year, there wasn't much snow on the ground and January was bitterly cold. This affected the efficiency of our geothermal system as it relies on the underground heat. That experience has made us very grateful for the snow this year.
The great thing about our system is that it works in reverse in the Summer. You know when you are paying like crazy to operate your air conditioning? The geothermal redirects the heat through the same pipes, back into the earth where the heat is absorbed. Then the cooled fluid returns to your home and is processed in order to fuel your air conditioning. I think the geothermal system was one of the best purchases we have ever made for this property. It costs less and helps the environment.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
As I sit here watching the thick snowflakes gently covering our property, I feel grateful. Now, don't get me wrong, I am NOT a Winter person at all. I could leave at the start of winter and return for Spring every year and NEVER miss it. However I am grateful to the heavy snow because it provides thick insulation, keeping the heat underground.
We moved to our old farm house in Spring 2008. I was expecting our second child, my husband was driving to Kanata to satisfy his former clientele while growing his business out here. As we prepared for the arrival of our second child, we noticed the lack of insulation in our home, specifically in our nursery. The previous owners had closed the door to that room to keep the cold out and used wool socks to fill the gaps under the many exterior doors of this home. The house was heated with oil and we worried that the cost of heating this home might be more than we bargained for.
We researched alternative forms of energy and applied for a grant to improve the energy efficiency of our home. We had the nursery insulated, we enclosed the front porch and, hired a company to install a geothermal heating and cooling system in our home. R&B Heating was recommended by the locals but, when we contacted them, they were fully booked and we were desperate to get it done before the baby arrived. In the end, we hired The Stove Store. We were in for a rocky road.
Our garden was dug up with trenches for the many pipes involved in the geothermal system. The geothermal system uses the underground heat to warm up the ethanol in its pipes which is carried to the house. The heat is then transferred to our forced air system, keeping our home nice and cozy. Initially, our Hydro bills went through the roof. Stella was born by then and getting massive Hydro bills was very stressful. We had engineers come to the house to inspect the system. The pipes needed to be "burped" as air was trapped in them. This had forced the system to use the tertiary source of energy, electricity. Now it all made sense! Once the system was working properly, we were able to save so much money on our heating bills.
Last year, there wasn't much snow on the ground and January was bitterly cold. This affected the efficiency of our geothermal system as it relies on the underground heat. That experience has made us very grateful for the snow this year.
The great thing about our system is that it works in reverse in the Summer. You know when you are paying like crazy to operate your air conditioning? The geothermal redirects the heat through the same pipes, back into the earth where the heat is absorbed. Then the cooled fluid returns to your home and is processed in order to fuel your air conditioning. I think the geothermal system was one of the best purchases we have ever made for this property. It costs less and helps the environment.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Saturday 16 January 2016
Rites of Passage
January 16th, 2016
When I was a professor at Algonquin College, among my course load, were Life Cycles and Life Cycles II. I loved teaching those courses about the various ages and stages of life. It struck me that there are few, if any, rites of passages to mark the transitions of our life cycle.
As my eldest daughter starts to mature, I anticipate the moment she will tell me that she has started her period. I want to convey positive messages about this milestone and celebrate it with her. I am shocked by the lack of rituals to welcome young girls into womanhood. I was very lucky that getting my period was acknowledged as a big deal in my family. As a matter of fact, when I heard all the fuss about my older cousin getting her period, I tried to "fake" my own period. I overheard telephone conversations boasting that my cousin was "une grande fille" (a big girl). I wanted this attention for myself. Early the next morning, I grabbed a pair of undies, smeared jam in the crotch and brought them over to my mother saying that I was also a "big girl". She was still in bed, groggy and, as she rolled over and saw what I was holding in my hands, she informed me that she knew the difference between raspberry jam and menstrual blood. She urged me to get back to sleep. Darn it! I'd have to wait for the real thing.
We have baby showers, birthday parties, graduations, bridal showers, wedding ceremonies, celebrations when we land that permanent job or get promoted, retirement parties and funerals. What happens to all the other transitions?
For now, due to time constraints, I'd like to focus on creating a rite of passage for my daughter. If we were Jewish, she'd have a Bat Mitzvah but we're not so I need to make something up. My fantasy includes creating a committee of women I respect who gather on a given date to prepare a celebration for my daughter. My goals are to welcome her into womanhood, to acknowledge her as a unique and special person, to share lessons we have learned, to provide positive role models for her, to convey values to her as well as a sense of importance through roles and responsibilities.
My daughters used to watch My Little Pony. I liked the concept of the Cutesy-gnette where ponies received their "cutie mark" which reflected their special talent. I was also inspired when I heard about the elaborate preparations the women undergo prior to getting married in India. I thought I could mix both of these ideas into one celebration. Here is what I have come up with so far:
Step 1-Choose the wise women carefully to ensure a variety of role models
Step 2-Invite a few of her friends to participate in, and witness, the ceremony (assuming parents are ok with it and provide consent)
Step 3-Prepare a special garment for her to wear on this occasion
Step 4-Sit in a circle with white candles
Step 5-Each person says something positive about her and lights a candle
Step 6-We recognize her talent(s) and decide on a design to represent her unique skills
Step 7-The design is painted in the palms of her hands with Henna
Step 8-As we share a pot luck meal, each wise woman imparts a pearl of wisdom gained from experience
Step 9-The Wise Women answer questions about life and womanhood
Step 10-A contract is read, discussed and signed, outlining her new roles and responsibilities
Step 11-We bless her with a group smudging
Step 12-The ceremony is documented in a scrapbook and she receives a journal and pen as a self-care tool
That's all I have so far. I hope to provide guidance, a sense of connection and purpose through this ceremony.
Have any of you created these kinds of rituals? If anyone out there has ideas, I am open to suggestions.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
artnsoul@ripnet.com
When I was a professor at Algonquin College, among my course load, were Life Cycles and Life Cycles II. I loved teaching those courses about the various ages and stages of life. It struck me that there are few, if any, rites of passages to mark the transitions of our life cycle.
As my eldest daughter starts to mature, I anticipate the moment she will tell me that she has started her period. I want to convey positive messages about this milestone and celebrate it with her. I am shocked by the lack of rituals to welcome young girls into womanhood. I was very lucky that getting my period was acknowledged as a big deal in my family. As a matter of fact, when I heard all the fuss about my older cousin getting her period, I tried to "fake" my own period. I overheard telephone conversations boasting that my cousin was "une grande fille" (a big girl). I wanted this attention for myself. Early the next morning, I grabbed a pair of undies, smeared jam in the crotch and brought them over to my mother saying that I was also a "big girl". She was still in bed, groggy and, as she rolled over and saw what I was holding in my hands, she informed me that she knew the difference between raspberry jam and menstrual blood. She urged me to get back to sleep. Darn it! I'd have to wait for the real thing.
We have baby showers, birthday parties, graduations, bridal showers, wedding ceremonies, celebrations when we land that permanent job or get promoted, retirement parties and funerals. What happens to all the other transitions?
For now, due to time constraints, I'd like to focus on creating a rite of passage for my daughter. If we were Jewish, she'd have a Bat Mitzvah but we're not so I need to make something up. My fantasy includes creating a committee of women I respect who gather on a given date to prepare a celebration for my daughter. My goals are to welcome her into womanhood, to acknowledge her as a unique and special person, to share lessons we have learned, to provide positive role models for her, to convey values to her as well as a sense of importance through roles and responsibilities.
My daughters used to watch My Little Pony. I liked the concept of the Cutesy-gnette where ponies received their "cutie mark" which reflected their special talent. I was also inspired when I heard about the elaborate preparations the women undergo prior to getting married in India. I thought I could mix both of these ideas into one celebration. Here is what I have come up with so far:
Step 1-Choose the wise women carefully to ensure a variety of role models
Step 2-Invite a few of her friends to participate in, and witness, the ceremony (assuming parents are ok with it and provide consent)
Step 3-Prepare a special garment for her to wear on this occasion
Step 4-Sit in a circle with white candles
Step 5-Each person says something positive about her and lights a candle
Step 6-We recognize her talent(s) and decide on a design to represent her unique skills
Step 7-The design is painted in the palms of her hands with Henna
Step 8-As we share a pot luck meal, each wise woman imparts a pearl of wisdom gained from experience
Step 9-The Wise Women answer questions about life and womanhood
Step 10-A contract is read, discussed and signed, outlining her new roles and responsibilities
Step 11-We bless her with a group smudging
Step 12-The ceremony is documented in a scrapbook and she receives a journal and pen as a self-care tool
That's all I have so far. I hope to provide guidance, a sense of connection and purpose through this ceremony.
Have any of you created these kinds of rituals? If anyone out there has ideas, I am open to suggestions.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
artnsoul@ripnet.com
Friday 15 January 2016
Book of the Week-Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
January 15th, 2016
Big Magic was on my wish list this Christmas. However, there was some confusion and I ended up with, The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto which is not usually my type of book but I thoroughly enjoyed it. It is beautifully written and I couldn't put it down until it was done. It made me want to pick up a guitar and learn to play Flamenco. Then I started reading Diana Leeson Fisher's new book, The Accidental Farmwife and, just like that, the urge to devote myself to Flamenco music died. I had moved on. Diana's book revived my dream of owning chickens, a goat and a vegetable garden.
Last week, I went to Indigo Books in Barrhaven with my girls and bought Big Magic. I was eager to read it and gain some new wisdom or tips I could integrate into my workshops. The book wasn't what I expected. I read it in its entirety and many parts made me laugh but it's an unusual book. It feels like a pep talk or motivational speech for writers. Basically, the author explains that we all have a treasure buried deep within us that we can choose to unearth. She encourages the reader to write for the pleasure of it and not take it so seriously. She describes the way a creative calling or idea comes your way and waits for your collaboration. If you ignore it, it will keep going until someone else produces the exact same thing and you think: "That was my idea". The author, Elizabeth Gilbert, warns the reader to avoid the common mistake of believing that you must suffer for your art. She assures us that it is possible to enjoy, and surrender to, the process. She also instructs artists to follow their curiosity rather than wait for a deep passion to emerge. The goal is to stay busy and keep moving. When she feels stuck, she may pursue a new interest and find that her creative flow has returned.
The section that was most inspirational to me was devoted to an artist's work ethic. Elizabeth has pledged that she will write throughout her life no matter what: success, failure, lack of inspiration, no motivation etc. She doesn't "burden" her art with the expectation to make a living. Therefore she worked other jobs for money while she continued to write until the success of Eat, Pray, Love. This was a new way of perceiving my passion. Much of what I do: write and publish children's books, offer workshops to children or to women in their 40s, 50s and 60s, interview people for the local paper and write this blog, feeds my soul. I thoroughly enjoy all of it. I become conflicted when I try to earn a certain amount of money from my work. Then, the success of the work is determined by my pay as opposed to my sense of purpose. It may be worthwhile to work for money during the day at a stress-free job and enjoy my calling in the evenings and weekends, unconcerned with the financial aspect of these endeavours. Food for thought!
Big Magic was on my wish list this Christmas. However, there was some confusion and I ended up with, The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto which is not usually my type of book but I thoroughly enjoyed it. It is beautifully written and I couldn't put it down until it was done. It made me want to pick up a guitar and learn to play Flamenco. Then I started reading Diana Leeson Fisher's new book, The Accidental Farmwife and, just like that, the urge to devote myself to Flamenco music died. I had moved on. Diana's book revived my dream of owning chickens, a goat and a vegetable garden.
Last week, I went to Indigo Books in Barrhaven with my girls and bought Big Magic. I was eager to read it and gain some new wisdom or tips I could integrate into my workshops. The book wasn't what I expected. I read it in its entirety and many parts made me laugh but it's an unusual book. It feels like a pep talk or motivational speech for writers. Basically, the author explains that we all have a treasure buried deep within us that we can choose to unearth. She encourages the reader to write for the pleasure of it and not take it so seriously. She describes the way a creative calling or idea comes your way and waits for your collaboration. If you ignore it, it will keep going until someone else produces the exact same thing and you think: "That was my idea". The author, Elizabeth Gilbert, warns the reader to avoid the common mistake of believing that you must suffer for your art. She assures us that it is possible to enjoy, and surrender to, the process. She also instructs artists to follow their curiosity rather than wait for a deep passion to emerge. The goal is to stay busy and keep moving. When she feels stuck, she may pursue a new interest and find that her creative flow has returned.
The section that was most inspirational to me was devoted to an artist's work ethic. Elizabeth has pledged that she will write throughout her life no matter what: success, failure, lack of inspiration, no motivation etc. She doesn't "burden" her art with the expectation to make a living. Therefore she worked other jobs for money while she continued to write until the success of Eat, Pray, Love. This was a new way of perceiving my passion. Much of what I do: write and publish children's books, offer workshops to children or to women in their 40s, 50s and 60s, interview people for the local paper and write this blog, feeds my soul. I thoroughly enjoy all of it. I become conflicted when I try to earn a certain amount of money from my work. Then, the success of the work is determined by my pay as opposed to my sense of purpose. It may be worthwhile to work for money during the day at a stress-free job and enjoy my calling in the evenings and weekends, unconcerned with the financial aspect of these endeavours. Food for thought!
Thursday 14 January 2016
Interview with a 40+ woman-FD
I met with another fascinating woman today. FD was married at 19 years of age and had three
children by the age of 25. She was happy, living in a suburb close to everything. She earned her
own money by operating a home day care and starting a newspaper route. She soon realized
that her husband had very different expectations from hers. He believed that being at home with
the children, cooking and cleaning should make her happy. When she expressed an interest in
taking a creative writing course, her husband objected.
By the time she turned 30, FD was examining her life. She had expected to achieve more by this age and thought she would feel different. FD was fed up with feeling invisible at parties. When people asked her what she did and she replied that she was raising her three children, they moved on to someone else, assuming she had nothing to say. Her husband never beat her but she would sense the tension rising when he was getting upset and she did what she could to appease him. It was all very draining. As the new millennium rolled around, she had a pivotal conversation with a trusted friend. Her friend suggested that she pick one thing she would like to change in the future and set a date. By April 2000, FD had left her husband. This would be her third and final trip to a shelter.
Her husband had accumulated a huge debt and she inherited half of that amount as her "parting gift". She was a single mother of three, penniless and, without an education, she didn't know how she would take care of her family. An opportunity presented itself to move to Asia where she could make good money, live relatively cheap and complete her Publication Degree from Ryerson's online program. Her intention was to be away for one year but her contract was renewed and, she met an Australian man. Her children were taken care of by her mother and ex-husband. She spoke to them every other day but her husband always listened in on their conversations. She visited every four months. She moved back home, three years later, in March 2006, after a messy break up wth the Australian.
Her children needed to get to know her again. As they strengthened their relationship, FD started re-building her life. She met a man who was also re-building his life. They spent a lot of time together with their children, getting to know each other and, eventually, married late in 2007. She turned 40 shortly after her father passed away in 2008. "Turning 40 didn't really phase me", she said. Her 40s have been mostly about adjusting to married life. She learned to let go of her "single mom mentality". FD is finally in a relationship with a man she can rely on, "It's nice to be with someone who cares if you're hungry, cold or tired. You just need to let them take care of you".
FD is most proud of her relationship with her children. "We're friends which is amazing after everything we've been through". The only thing she would change is her trip to Asia. She wishes she didn't go away but, to this day, she can't imagine any other way to get out of debt as fast as she did. Her advice to young women is to "listen to the people who love you. You don't need to reply. What they say has value, take it in, value it, weigh it". At this point in her life she is "trying to focus on the moment, to sit and communicate".
She believes something causes us to look inward in our 40s and adjust our lives accordingly. As FD reviews the lives of the many generations who came before her, she notices that life changes over time but a "gold thread" stays the same. Her legacy will be to teach the next generation that "you are the only one you can depend on, you've got to make your own decisions and, it's ok to make mistakes because there are no mistakes, only learning".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
By the time she turned 30, FD was examining her life. She had expected to achieve more by this age and thought she would feel different. FD was fed up with feeling invisible at parties. When people asked her what she did and she replied that she was raising her three children, they moved on to someone else, assuming she had nothing to say. Her husband never beat her but she would sense the tension rising when he was getting upset and she did what she could to appease him. It was all very draining. As the new millennium rolled around, she had a pivotal conversation with a trusted friend. Her friend suggested that she pick one thing she would like to change in the future and set a date. By April 2000, FD had left her husband. This would be her third and final trip to a shelter.
Her husband had accumulated a huge debt and she inherited half of that amount as her "parting gift". She was a single mother of three, penniless and, without an education, she didn't know how she would take care of her family. An opportunity presented itself to move to Asia where she could make good money, live relatively cheap and complete her Publication Degree from Ryerson's online program. Her intention was to be away for one year but her contract was renewed and, she met an Australian man. Her children were taken care of by her mother and ex-husband. She spoke to them every other day but her husband always listened in on their conversations. She visited every four months. She moved back home, three years later, in March 2006, after a messy break up wth the Australian.
Her children needed to get to know her again. As they strengthened their relationship, FD started re-building her life. She met a man who was also re-building his life. They spent a lot of time together with their children, getting to know each other and, eventually, married late in 2007. She turned 40 shortly after her father passed away in 2008. "Turning 40 didn't really phase me", she said. Her 40s have been mostly about adjusting to married life. She learned to let go of her "single mom mentality". FD is finally in a relationship with a man she can rely on, "It's nice to be with someone who cares if you're hungry, cold or tired. You just need to let them take care of you".
FD is most proud of her relationship with her children. "We're friends which is amazing after everything we've been through". The only thing she would change is her trip to Asia. She wishes she didn't go away but, to this day, she can't imagine any other way to get out of debt as fast as she did. Her advice to young women is to "listen to the people who love you. You don't need to reply. What they say has value, take it in, value it, weigh it". At this point in her life she is "trying to focus on the moment, to sit and communicate".
She believes something causes us to look inward in our 40s and adjust our lives accordingly. As FD reviews the lives of the many generations who came before her, she notices that life changes over time but a "gold thread" stays the same. Her legacy will be to teach the next generation that "you are the only one you can depend on, you've got to make your own decisions and, it's ok to make mistakes because there are no mistakes, only learning".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday 13 January 2016
Fitness-Bikram to Yin
January 13th, 2016
When I first met my husband, he exposed me to Bikram Yoga. It is a yoga class composed of 26 postures, each done twice, in a VERY hot room. The postures basically stretch and twist your body, massaging your internal organs and removing toxins from your body. You will sweat no matter what. You must bring a mat, a towel and a tall bottle of water. Some people come prepared with a face cloth to wipe the sweat dripping off their nose or chin. I always felt energized after a class but my husband felt drained and had a headache. He went because it helped clear his mind and, later in the day, he would get a boost of energy. We eventually got into a routine of going to yoga three times per week. It was challenging as the Bikram poses test your flexibility, your balance and, your endurance.
Rama Lotus has been the most consistent provider of Bikram classes. Over the years, a few Bikram Ottawa studios opened up. They only offered Bikram. One was on Bank street, the second was on Sparks Street. They never last which is sad. The franchise and training costs of Bikram are staggering and I am sure the hydro bills must be high given the heat of the room which must be maintained. Some yoga studios offer hot yoga but there is no progression through the 26 postures. There is something about the order in which those specific postures are done that is quite addictive.
When Vincent and I moved to Stittsville, getting to a Bikram class got way more complicated: the distance, the schedule, parking, traffic etc so we settled for a weekly class on Sundays. Once I got pregnant, I stopped going to the classes. After we moved to Kemptville, it was mostly Vincent going to an early Sunday class after he'd dropped off my mom at her apartment in downtown Ottawa.
I was eager to get back to Bikram and, when I returned to my job at the college, I tried to squeeze in a class after work. I sat in the hot room, on my towel and mat, excited to be back. I was completely unprepared for what happened next. As we were lead through the postures, dripping with sweat, straining, holding, balancing, pushing, I realized this style of yoga no longer suited me. How could this be?
One day, I was taking Fallowfield instead of Hunt Club to get onto the 416 on my way home. I noticed a yoga studio, Mountaingoat Yoga. It was close to work which was convenient. I checked out their website and decided to try a Yin Yoga class. It is the opposite of Bikram which is a Yang yoga. I loved the gentle approach. It focused on paying attention to your body and letting go into the postures. You are not pushing your body, you are settling into it, inhabiting it, communicating with it. Again, I felt energized as I left, oddly optimistic. The instructor, Julie, was amazing. She reminded me of my favorite Bikram yoga teacher, Luc.
Both Luc and Julie were happy to be there, they were down-to-earth, authentic and had a great sense of humor. They communicated with the group throughout the class and made it fun and intimate. I wondered why I was responding so differently to Bikram, craving a gentler approach. I have always enjoyed pushing my limits. The answer came to me over time.
When I was a young woman, it was fun to test my body. After two childbirths, years of sleep deprivation and breastfeeding, I knew what my body was capable of, I had a great deal of respect and admiration for my body. I felt grateful to my elders for their great genes. I guess, what I wanted was some self-care. I felt like thanking my body and being gentle with it. Yoga became an act of self-care and Yin was the best approach for me in the headspace that I was in at that time.
There are so many approaches to yoga, each has its own merits and suits different people or, as in my case, the same person at different times in her life. I encourage everyone to try yoga. There is a class out there that is perfect for you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
When I first met my husband, he exposed me to Bikram Yoga. It is a yoga class composed of 26 postures, each done twice, in a VERY hot room. The postures basically stretch and twist your body, massaging your internal organs and removing toxins from your body. You will sweat no matter what. You must bring a mat, a towel and a tall bottle of water. Some people come prepared with a face cloth to wipe the sweat dripping off their nose or chin. I always felt energized after a class but my husband felt drained and had a headache. He went because it helped clear his mind and, later in the day, he would get a boost of energy. We eventually got into a routine of going to yoga three times per week. It was challenging as the Bikram poses test your flexibility, your balance and, your endurance.
Rama Lotus has been the most consistent provider of Bikram classes. Over the years, a few Bikram Ottawa studios opened up. They only offered Bikram. One was on Bank street, the second was on Sparks Street. They never last which is sad. The franchise and training costs of Bikram are staggering and I am sure the hydro bills must be high given the heat of the room which must be maintained. Some yoga studios offer hot yoga but there is no progression through the 26 postures. There is something about the order in which those specific postures are done that is quite addictive.
When Vincent and I moved to Stittsville, getting to a Bikram class got way more complicated: the distance, the schedule, parking, traffic etc so we settled for a weekly class on Sundays. Once I got pregnant, I stopped going to the classes. After we moved to Kemptville, it was mostly Vincent going to an early Sunday class after he'd dropped off my mom at her apartment in downtown Ottawa.
I was eager to get back to Bikram and, when I returned to my job at the college, I tried to squeeze in a class after work. I sat in the hot room, on my towel and mat, excited to be back. I was completely unprepared for what happened next. As we were lead through the postures, dripping with sweat, straining, holding, balancing, pushing, I realized this style of yoga no longer suited me. How could this be?
One day, I was taking Fallowfield instead of Hunt Club to get onto the 416 on my way home. I noticed a yoga studio, Mountaingoat Yoga. It was close to work which was convenient. I checked out their website and decided to try a Yin Yoga class. It is the opposite of Bikram which is a Yang yoga. I loved the gentle approach. It focused on paying attention to your body and letting go into the postures. You are not pushing your body, you are settling into it, inhabiting it, communicating with it. Again, I felt energized as I left, oddly optimistic. The instructor, Julie, was amazing. She reminded me of my favorite Bikram yoga teacher, Luc.
Both Luc and Julie were happy to be there, they were down-to-earth, authentic and had a great sense of humor. They communicated with the group throughout the class and made it fun and intimate. I wondered why I was responding so differently to Bikram, craving a gentler approach. I have always enjoyed pushing my limits. The answer came to me over time.
When I was a young woman, it was fun to test my body. After two childbirths, years of sleep deprivation and breastfeeding, I knew what my body was capable of, I had a great deal of respect and admiration for my body. I felt grateful to my elders for their great genes. I guess, what I wanted was some self-care. I felt like thanking my body and being gentle with it. Yoga became an act of self-care and Yin was the best approach for me in the headspace that I was in at that time.
There are so many approaches to yoga, each has its own merits and suits different people or, as in my case, the same person at different times in her life. I encourage everyone to try yoga. There is a class out there that is perfect for you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday 12 January 2016
Creativity-Art Therapy
January 12th 2016
I've received a few e-mails asking me to define art therapy. I wrote about residents with dementia yesterday and people were asking what this work is all about. Art therapy is a professional counselling service, using various forms of creativity to help people heal through self-expression, insight and self-awareness, self-exploration, intuition, experimentation and the externalization of painful life experiences for which there are no words.
I initially trained as a verbal therapist at Ottawa University. I was fascinated by the way people process experiences and develop coping strategies. You can listen to someone's story and pinpoint the moment when they adopted behaviours that now define them. There is a reason for everything we do. The problem is we are not always aware of the things we do that get in our own way. Our friends and family who can observe us objectively have more insight into our behaviours and patterns. However, in order to protect us from this harsh truth, they often do not point them out to us. We keep repeating the same patterns with different people, frustrated and confused. We go to see a verbal therapist and try to sort it all out.
As a verbal therapist, I witnessed how often clients would walk in, tell me a myriad of stories which I would dutifully write down and respond to my questions as we progressed, putting together the various pieces of the puzzle. I felt quite satisfied with our work and my supervisor was pleased. By the third session, I would see the same pattern repeating itself. I would think, "We've already talked about this. She had that breakthrough last week. I thought she wasn't going to do that anymore". I talked to my supervisor who didn't share my concern. I realized I could not do this for a living. I need to see progress, not temporary progress but permanent change.
I read about art therapy and was immediately smitten with the connection it creates in people. Women who came in to talk about their painful issues could repeat their stories, without emotion, word for word. They had seen many therapists before and they knew their story like the back of their hand. Listening to the stories may have helped temporarily as I expressed compassion and responded to what they were saying, they were being heard. However, I expected more from therapy. Art therapy uses creative expression as well as verbal communication. The client is active from the very start. Clients choose the art materials, what to draw or paint, how much talking they want to engage in and, whether they want to talk as they create or only talk or only create or create then talk.
The art contains emotions. When working with my Survivors of Sexual Abuse group, I may start with a clay activity. I ask the participants to create a container, a receptacle to hold the overwhelming fears, emotions and memories for them. The art can be a mirror, showing me how a person responds to situations or how clients perceive themselves. An example of this would be the gentleman who'd suffered a stroke and struggled to create a portrait of a beautiful woman. He couldn't get her features right, they were not symmetrical and looked stretched. This clearly reflected his own frustrations about his face, he had lost control over one side of his body, the same side that was "not looking right" in the portrait. Lots of women criticize their work. As they paint or draw or sculpt, their inner monologue is externalized. "This looks dumb, I suck at this, a child could have done better". This allows me to question them about this monologue, to wonder where this voice came from and how much more fun this would be without the interruptions and judgements of this voice, It is the same voice that is interfering in other aspects of their lives.
Creative expression is very intimate and emotional. It cuts through the story to the core. The story about how many men have mistreated them turns into an image of a child crouching in the corner. Who is this child? The client recognizes herself as a child, hiding from her abusive father. There is a direct emotional connection, emotions are released. We get curious about what that child needs. Safety. We explore all the possible ways the client can provide safety for her inner child. There is a lot of guilt associated with the various ways this child has been neglected by her adult self, placed in dangerous situations, repeating the trauma. The client signs a contract, vowing to keep herself safe and eliminate people and behaviours that put her at risk. This is powerful work.
Creativity can also empower clients by serving as a tool for communication. When a couple comes in because they are ready to throw in the towel and I ask them to draw the problem, as they see it and, write down five adjectives to describe what they want for their relationship, they are both working together. They can "see" each other's point of view. They become aware of ways they have each hurt the other. They are surprised to see they want the same things: more time together, laughing, sex and less fighting. It's way easier to move forward when everyone is literally "on the same page".
Creative expression is cathartic. A young boy, diagnosed with ADHD, who is overwhelmed by his mother's anxiety, his father's anger and his brother's physical disabilities can pound the clay until it becomes soft and, relieved and relaxed, sculpt it into something beautiful. A 65 year old woman suffering from chronic pain can fill a body outline with various colours and textures and come face to face with the abortion she had 40 years ago. She cries and writes a letter to her unborn child and burns the outline, releasing her trauma. She leaves feeling lighter and "looser" in her body.
Creativity can help a group bond in a short amount of time. I see this in my groups. There is mutual support and compassion as they share how each person deals with the same issue. Feeling compassion for someone else with the same challenges engenders compassion for yourself as well. The art is also a safe place to plant the seeds of dreams for the future. Occasionally, I'll ask groups to create a collage of their ideal life in five years from now. They cut out images from magazines, write colourful words all around the images or affirmations. I then ask them to think of a song that represents the feeling state of this image. There is much giggling as they come up with quirky or sexy songs. The song helps them tap into this feeling state in the future, reminding them that they are on a path and they have already selected a destination.
Art therapy is the interaction between a compassionate professional, a brave, willing client and art materials. The materials have their own energy and appeal to different people. My role is to offer a safe place for people to connect with their own wisdom through non-verbal, creative expression. Their wisdom and intuition will lead them in the right direction. I get to witness their courage, their beauty and, ultimately, their healing.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I've received a few e-mails asking me to define art therapy. I wrote about residents with dementia yesterday and people were asking what this work is all about. Art therapy is a professional counselling service, using various forms of creativity to help people heal through self-expression, insight and self-awareness, self-exploration, intuition, experimentation and the externalization of painful life experiences for which there are no words.
I initially trained as a verbal therapist at Ottawa University. I was fascinated by the way people process experiences and develop coping strategies. You can listen to someone's story and pinpoint the moment when they adopted behaviours that now define them. There is a reason for everything we do. The problem is we are not always aware of the things we do that get in our own way. Our friends and family who can observe us objectively have more insight into our behaviours and patterns. However, in order to protect us from this harsh truth, they often do not point them out to us. We keep repeating the same patterns with different people, frustrated and confused. We go to see a verbal therapist and try to sort it all out.
As a verbal therapist, I witnessed how often clients would walk in, tell me a myriad of stories which I would dutifully write down and respond to my questions as we progressed, putting together the various pieces of the puzzle. I felt quite satisfied with our work and my supervisor was pleased. By the third session, I would see the same pattern repeating itself. I would think, "We've already talked about this. She had that breakthrough last week. I thought she wasn't going to do that anymore". I talked to my supervisor who didn't share my concern. I realized I could not do this for a living. I need to see progress, not temporary progress but permanent change.
I read about art therapy and was immediately smitten with the connection it creates in people. Women who came in to talk about their painful issues could repeat their stories, without emotion, word for word. They had seen many therapists before and they knew their story like the back of their hand. Listening to the stories may have helped temporarily as I expressed compassion and responded to what they were saying, they were being heard. However, I expected more from therapy. Art therapy uses creative expression as well as verbal communication. The client is active from the very start. Clients choose the art materials, what to draw or paint, how much talking they want to engage in and, whether they want to talk as they create or only talk or only create or create then talk.
The art contains emotions. When working with my Survivors of Sexual Abuse group, I may start with a clay activity. I ask the participants to create a container, a receptacle to hold the overwhelming fears, emotions and memories for them. The art can be a mirror, showing me how a person responds to situations or how clients perceive themselves. An example of this would be the gentleman who'd suffered a stroke and struggled to create a portrait of a beautiful woman. He couldn't get her features right, they were not symmetrical and looked stretched. This clearly reflected his own frustrations about his face, he had lost control over one side of his body, the same side that was "not looking right" in the portrait. Lots of women criticize their work. As they paint or draw or sculpt, their inner monologue is externalized. "This looks dumb, I suck at this, a child could have done better". This allows me to question them about this monologue, to wonder where this voice came from and how much more fun this would be without the interruptions and judgements of this voice, It is the same voice that is interfering in other aspects of their lives.
Creative expression is very intimate and emotional. It cuts through the story to the core. The story about how many men have mistreated them turns into an image of a child crouching in the corner. Who is this child? The client recognizes herself as a child, hiding from her abusive father. There is a direct emotional connection, emotions are released. We get curious about what that child needs. Safety. We explore all the possible ways the client can provide safety for her inner child. There is a lot of guilt associated with the various ways this child has been neglected by her adult self, placed in dangerous situations, repeating the trauma. The client signs a contract, vowing to keep herself safe and eliminate people and behaviours that put her at risk. This is powerful work.
Creativity can also empower clients by serving as a tool for communication. When a couple comes in because they are ready to throw in the towel and I ask them to draw the problem, as they see it and, write down five adjectives to describe what they want for their relationship, they are both working together. They can "see" each other's point of view. They become aware of ways they have each hurt the other. They are surprised to see they want the same things: more time together, laughing, sex and less fighting. It's way easier to move forward when everyone is literally "on the same page".
Creative expression is cathartic. A young boy, diagnosed with ADHD, who is overwhelmed by his mother's anxiety, his father's anger and his brother's physical disabilities can pound the clay until it becomes soft and, relieved and relaxed, sculpt it into something beautiful. A 65 year old woman suffering from chronic pain can fill a body outline with various colours and textures and come face to face with the abortion she had 40 years ago. She cries and writes a letter to her unborn child and burns the outline, releasing her trauma. She leaves feeling lighter and "looser" in her body.
Creativity can help a group bond in a short amount of time. I see this in my groups. There is mutual support and compassion as they share how each person deals with the same issue. Feeling compassion for someone else with the same challenges engenders compassion for yourself as well. The art is also a safe place to plant the seeds of dreams for the future. Occasionally, I'll ask groups to create a collage of their ideal life in five years from now. They cut out images from magazines, write colourful words all around the images or affirmations. I then ask them to think of a song that represents the feeling state of this image. There is much giggling as they come up with quirky or sexy songs. The song helps them tap into this feeling state in the future, reminding them that they are on a path and they have already selected a destination.
Art therapy is the interaction between a compassionate professional, a brave, willing client and art materials. The materials have their own energy and appeal to different people. My role is to offer a safe place for people to connect with their own wisdom through non-verbal, creative expression. Their wisdom and intuition will lead them in the right direction. I get to witness their courage, their beauty and, ultimately, their healing.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday 11 January 2016
Mental Health-Dementia
January 11th, 2016
I was driving around today, wondering what to write about. An idea popped into my mind. My last field placement, as I completed the two-year graduate art therapy program, was on a locked dementia unit. I had worked with children, I enjoyed leading group sessions at Women's College Hospital with outpatients and I thought I would bring art therapy to older adults.
I spent time in two different long term care facilities. In one facility, I travelled with an art cart from the floor for active older adults, to the "low mobility" unit, doing art in their rooms. I also offered a few group sessions on the dementia unit's activity room. In the second facility, I mostly spent time going to resident's rooms on the dementia unit.
I wish someone had filmed my first month with patients diagnosed with dementia. I really wanted to connect with them, enrich their lives, bring some joy to the unit itself. However, I knew nothing about working with this population and they frightened me. I quickly learned never to lean over in front of a seemingly frail, confused man. Some instincts are alive and well and my back end was grabbed more times than I can count. Ditto for leaning forward while feeding a resident in a geriatric chair. The residents were all seated in a main area and some were non-verbal, others were too confused and couldn't tell me their name. I would introduce myself and ask their name. No response. I would look at the name on the door closest to where they were sitting. "Are you Mrs Boucher?" They would nod. The nurse who happened to walk by would inform me that Mrs Boucher was at bingo, this was Mrs Finnigan. The resident would respond with indifference, "What she said". I had to learn their names so I could document who I had visited. I made a note next to each name to recognize them next time as well as some warnings such as, bites, spits, yells, grabs etc. so I could keep myself safe.
I doubted my sanity for thinking I could do art therapy with this population. I am ashamed to admit that I pre-judged them. The first thing that caught my attention was the reaction of residents when I came to work. I had only been there a week or so when I walked onto the unit and headed for the nurse's station. I heard people getting up from the glider chairs and walkers being clinked together and wheels gliding on the carpet. The residents who normally sat in the main entrance, bored, an empty look in their eyes were walking over to me. They were asking me: "What are we doing today?" or "Were you looking for me?". Even the non-verbal lady came over, smiling and rubbed my back, waiting. I was moved by this response because it proved that they have an emotional memory. They may not remember my name, most of them called me "Hey, girl" but they recognized my face and remembered that they liked me, or at least, liked what they did with me. The residents have a very different response to staff who show up to bathe them. They hate baths.
I loved working with this population, once I learned how to communicate with them. They lose their inhibitions so you are less likely to hear them say: "Oh no, I'm not an artist". They have a great sense of humour and are very spontaneous. They love to be with other people and many of them crave colour. They love to party, to dance, sing and create. I took photos of them enjoying their life and posted them at the door to the dining room. That way, they had something to look at while they waited to get into the dining room and their loved ones could see these photos as well. They don't remember the fun they had but when they see themselves, they are excited, "Hey that's me" they'll say and laugh.
I engaged families to help us connect with their loved one. They shared loved stories about their parents for Valentine's Day. I posted each story next to the resident's door along with a photograph of them as a younger adult. This served as a reminder to anyone who entered the room that this person wasn't always this way. They were each individuals with a story, worthy of dignity. For non-verbal residents in geriatric chairs, creating placemats of photos with subtitles for their table-top provided a glimpse for staff into the resident's life, values, traditions. Instead of walking past them, they might stop and read the information and comment on what a lovely family they have. It also helped the residents feel less isolated because they could see photos of their loved ones.
I discovered a creative streak in one of the residents I visited weekly. She became non-verbal and I wondered if she was still interested in participating in our sessions. I used collage with her. She had been telling me about her life, she had suffered a great deal. As her language skills diminished, I brought magazines and clipped out images she could choose. I would then place them on piece of paper and ask her to move them to where she wanted them. Once they were all organized, I would glue them and she would paint colours around them, giving them a background. One day, she picked out a deer. She wrote: "Poor Dear" and filled the background with blue. The paint was dripping, it looked like tears. It was absolutely appropriate considering all she had been through. I know there was meaning to her art, it wasn't just a coincidence.
When I was hired to continue my work on this unit, I quickly became an advocate for my 40 residents. I was determined to take them to the art gallery for art workshops. I had volunteers and the art gallery was willing to work with my group but the facility would not let us use the bus. They feared that someone would get lost, residents might fall and injure themselves and they wouldn't remember it anyways. I was so angry. I contacted a local funeral parlour and they agreed to take 8 residents in their limousine. We signed a contract and the residents were able to take a sculpting class, a painting class, a drawing class and a photography class. Once we had attended these workshops, my contract with that company ended. I had made my point, they deserved to get out and enjoy life too.
If your loved one has been diagnosed with dementia, the best thing you can do is spend time with them, talk to them even if they don't respond, list all the things they once loved and plan something fun each time you see them: watch an old movie, listen to music, go for a walk, plant some herbs, eat a yummy treat, hold hands, share photographs, read poetry or a book they might like to your loved one, bring grandchildren and pets, carry on traditions, don't exclude them. What they taught me is no matter what they are saying or doing, they see you, they hear you and all they want is for you to hear and see them and, of course, love them.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I was driving around today, wondering what to write about. An idea popped into my mind. My last field placement, as I completed the two-year graduate art therapy program, was on a locked dementia unit. I had worked with children, I enjoyed leading group sessions at Women's College Hospital with outpatients and I thought I would bring art therapy to older adults.
I spent time in two different long term care facilities. In one facility, I travelled with an art cart from the floor for active older adults, to the "low mobility" unit, doing art in their rooms. I also offered a few group sessions on the dementia unit's activity room. In the second facility, I mostly spent time going to resident's rooms on the dementia unit.
I wish someone had filmed my first month with patients diagnosed with dementia. I really wanted to connect with them, enrich their lives, bring some joy to the unit itself. However, I knew nothing about working with this population and they frightened me. I quickly learned never to lean over in front of a seemingly frail, confused man. Some instincts are alive and well and my back end was grabbed more times than I can count. Ditto for leaning forward while feeding a resident in a geriatric chair. The residents were all seated in a main area and some were non-verbal, others were too confused and couldn't tell me their name. I would introduce myself and ask their name. No response. I would look at the name on the door closest to where they were sitting. "Are you Mrs Boucher?" They would nod. The nurse who happened to walk by would inform me that Mrs Boucher was at bingo, this was Mrs Finnigan. The resident would respond with indifference, "What she said". I had to learn their names so I could document who I had visited. I made a note next to each name to recognize them next time as well as some warnings such as, bites, spits, yells, grabs etc. so I could keep myself safe.
I doubted my sanity for thinking I could do art therapy with this population. I am ashamed to admit that I pre-judged them. The first thing that caught my attention was the reaction of residents when I came to work. I had only been there a week or so when I walked onto the unit and headed for the nurse's station. I heard people getting up from the glider chairs and walkers being clinked together and wheels gliding on the carpet. The residents who normally sat in the main entrance, bored, an empty look in their eyes were walking over to me. They were asking me: "What are we doing today?" or "Were you looking for me?". Even the non-verbal lady came over, smiling and rubbed my back, waiting. I was moved by this response because it proved that they have an emotional memory. They may not remember my name, most of them called me "Hey, girl" but they recognized my face and remembered that they liked me, or at least, liked what they did with me. The residents have a very different response to staff who show up to bathe them. They hate baths.
I loved working with this population, once I learned how to communicate with them. They lose their inhibitions so you are less likely to hear them say: "Oh no, I'm not an artist". They have a great sense of humour and are very spontaneous. They love to be with other people and many of them crave colour. They love to party, to dance, sing and create. I took photos of them enjoying their life and posted them at the door to the dining room. That way, they had something to look at while they waited to get into the dining room and their loved ones could see these photos as well. They don't remember the fun they had but when they see themselves, they are excited, "Hey that's me" they'll say and laugh.
I engaged families to help us connect with their loved one. They shared loved stories about their parents for Valentine's Day. I posted each story next to the resident's door along with a photograph of them as a younger adult. This served as a reminder to anyone who entered the room that this person wasn't always this way. They were each individuals with a story, worthy of dignity. For non-verbal residents in geriatric chairs, creating placemats of photos with subtitles for their table-top provided a glimpse for staff into the resident's life, values, traditions. Instead of walking past them, they might stop and read the information and comment on what a lovely family they have. It also helped the residents feel less isolated because they could see photos of their loved ones.
I discovered a creative streak in one of the residents I visited weekly. She became non-verbal and I wondered if she was still interested in participating in our sessions. I used collage with her. She had been telling me about her life, she had suffered a great deal. As her language skills diminished, I brought magazines and clipped out images she could choose. I would then place them on piece of paper and ask her to move them to where she wanted them. Once they were all organized, I would glue them and she would paint colours around them, giving them a background. One day, she picked out a deer. She wrote: "Poor Dear" and filled the background with blue. The paint was dripping, it looked like tears. It was absolutely appropriate considering all she had been through. I know there was meaning to her art, it wasn't just a coincidence.
When I was hired to continue my work on this unit, I quickly became an advocate for my 40 residents. I was determined to take them to the art gallery for art workshops. I had volunteers and the art gallery was willing to work with my group but the facility would not let us use the bus. They feared that someone would get lost, residents might fall and injure themselves and they wouldn't remember it anyways. I was so angry. I contacted a local funeral parlour and they agreed to take 8 residents in their limousine. We signed a contract and the residents were able to take a sculpting class, a painting class, a drawing class and a photography class. Once we had attended these workshops, my contract with that company ended. I had made my point, they deserved to get out and enjoy life too.
If your loved one has been diagnosed with dementia, the best thing you can do is spend time with them, talk to them even if they don't respond, list all the things they once loved and plan something fun each time you see them: watch an old movie, listen to music, go for a walk, plant some herbs, eat a yummy treat, hold hands, share photographs, read poetry or a book they might like to your loved one, bring grandchildren and pets, carry on traditions, don't exclude them. What they taught me is no matter what they are saying or doing, they see you, they hear you and all they want is for you to hear and see them and, of course, love them.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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