February 28th, 2016
Lately, I have been working on bringing more mindfulness into my life. I was never good at meditation. You have to sit there, focus on your breathing, maybe repeat a mantra, spine straight, legs crossed etc. I am not sitting or breathing normally, my back aches and my mind wanders. It's not a pleasant experience and I generally give up within four days. What I like about mindfulness is that I am not trying to empty my mind. As a matter of fact, my mind is engaged: noticing the smells, sights and sounds around me, tuning into the sensations in my body, my feelings and thoughts. I can practise mindfulness while I drive, walk, cook or shower. This approach works for me. The goal of mindfulness is to connect with the present moment instead of ruminating about the past or anticipating the future.
Lately, a client was asking me about cognitive behavioural therapy. When I was completing my BA in Psychology, many of the courses were based on behavioural therapy. We learned to use reinforcement and punishment to increase or extinguish behaviours through techniques like "shaping". It was my least favourite approach to psychology because it was all very clinical with research conducted on animals (think Pavlov's dog) and applied to humans. I preferred humanistic and cognitive approaches because they treated the client as an active participant in therapy.
I wanted to help my client find a cognitive behavioural resource near here so I began a search online. I found an interesting combination: Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy. The research is very impressive, especially for individuals suffering from chronic depression. The research indicates that MBCT helps clients identify the negative thoughts that lead to a relapse. There are associations between thought patterns, moods and relapsing into a depressive episode. By acknowledging that these are only fleeting thoughts, challenging these thoughts and replacing them with facts, clients interrupt the sequence and are able to avoid triggering a relapse. In a study comparing the outcome of participants on medication with participants undergoing MBCT, they found that people on the medication needed to stay on the medication whereas, individuals who had participated in MBCT were less likely to experience a relapse. The medication may be successful in increasing the amount of serotonin in a client's brain but MBCT creates new neural pathways through the hippocampus.
People experiencing depressive episodes lasting months at a time, are living in fear of the next onset, holding their breath. When they feel the darkness looming, they experience helplessness and anxiety. They don't know how deep they will go or how long it will last. For loved ones, watching someone suffer and not being able to help is devastating. When someone is sick with the flu, you know it will pass, you can make some soup, buy soft tissues with lotion in them so their nose isn't as irritated, you can check on them, refill their water, you feel useful. There isn't much you can do when your loved one is depressed. You can be there and love them but trying to "cheer them up" only makes it worst. If taking a walk and getting some fresh air helped, they would be doing it. You can feel sad and helpless while getting frustrated as well. Then you feel guilty for getting frustrated.
That is why I wanted to share this approach. I have just started reading about it, I forwarded it to my client and, I will be looking into the requirements of training in this approach as well. One more tool in my therapeutic toolbox. To find out more for yourself, visit www.mbct.com.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday 29 February 2016
Sunday 28 February 2016
Book of the Week-The Power
February 27th, 2016
I have been reading The Power by Rhonda Byrne because, when I was browsing the books available at the public library, its bright orange cover caught my eye. As I began reading this book, I recognized many of the concepts from The Secret: you have a choice every day whether to focus on the positive aspects of your life or not and, based on this decision, you will either get more positive experiences or negative ones. Whatever you give to others comes back to you so you need to be mindful of what you think, say and do to others. Your thoughts affect your feelings.
We think we are reacting to what has happened to us but the universe responds to us and our feelings are a strong magnet. Whatever we feel most intensely about is what will be increased in our life. There is no distinction between whether we are a good person or a bad person, whether this is a good feeling or a bad one. Strong feeling equals attraction. When you feel anger for someone, you are bringing more of them in your life because of the intensity of your feelings. She suggests noticing what you love and focusing on that. List the people, places, activities, objects you love, notice them in your environment and this is what will grow, opportunities to spend time with those people, visit those places or obtain these objects. Your feelings are a frequency like a radio station and you attract people and circumstances that match this frequency. I you want to bring different people and experiences in your life, adjust your frequency.
Rhonda explains that we are co-creators with the universe. We must be able to imagine what we want. What would it feel like to be this way, to do this, to have this? Once you are clear about what you want and what that would look like, you need to feel as though it were true. She encourages people to surround themselves with cues that their desires have manifested. If you want to go on a trip, you don't focus on the fact that you can'y afford it. Instead, you search the internet for hotels and save a few options on your Favourites page, you buy your swimsuit and sunglasses, you wear sunscreen every day so you smell like you are on holidays, you visualize the warm sand and salty sea air. You tell people how much you love that place and list everything you love about it. You may even print off a photo of your destination and stick it on your fridge. The possibility of going there feels more and more real. Your love for this place and your visualization become a magnet, drawing this experience closer to you.
I don't know if you ever watched Seinfeld. In one episode, George started a program to help reduce his stress. Whenever he had a negative thought, he would stop himself and repeat the words: Serenity Now. By the end of the episode he had a full on nervous breakdown. The author clarifies that there is no need to resist or fear negativity. You are not trying to suppress negative feelings, you just don't amplify them. You focus on what you want and what you love to increase your frequency so your energy matches your desires and you become a magnet for it. Negativity can exist but it doesn't dominate your thoughts, your are too busy imagining the positive outcomes. She describes an exercise to help you release your negative feelings. You imagine that each negative emotion is a wild horse that you climb onto and ride. Then you can choose to get off the horse.
Rhonda emphasizes that we are good enough now. We don't need to work harder, be skinnier, smarter, more of anything, we are fabulous as we are and life is our catalogue. We just need to choose what we want and keep loving it. If we concentrate on our lack, as in, "I would love to do that but I'm broke so it's never going to happen", then we are creating that story for our life, we associate bad feelings to that experience therefore we repel it. She warns against feeling envious of others who have achieved what we are striving to accomplish or feeling discouraged by our lack of results. These further associate negative feelings to our desires, placing them out of our reach.
In order to elevate your frequency, you need to feel as much love as possible for yourself, the people in your life and as many aspects of your life as possible. Gratitude is an expression of love so when you say thank you or you take time to acknowledge how important someone is to you, you are spreading love all around you. Life should be fun so if you focus on what you enjoy and spend time feeding your imagination with your desires while appreciating what you have, this is the key to success. This is true for money, health matters, work and relationships.
This is a feel-good book and it may seem a bit simplistic, just pick what you want from the catalogue, visualize it and send love to it and, presto, you get it. However, I do believe there is power in focusing on what you want, feeling it with every sense so you can imagine your life as it would be if your desires were manifested, watching your negative self-talk, writing down ten things you are grateful for each day and creating a vision board so you can visualize what your ideal life would look like. Is it all baloney? I will try it out and report back. Let's see what happens.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I have been reading The Power by Rhonda Byrne because, when I was browsing the books available at the public library, its bright orange cover caught my eye. As I began reading this book, I recognized many of the concepts from The Secret: you have a choice every day whether to focus on the positive aspects of your life or not and, based on this decision, you will either get more positive experiences or negative ones. Whatever you give to others comes back to you so you need to be mindful of what you think, say and do to others. Your thoughts affect your feelings.
We think we are reacting to what has happened to us but the universe responds to us and our feelings are a strong magnet. Whatever we feel most intensely about is what will be increased in our life. There is no distinction between whether we are a good person or a bad person, whether this is a good feeling or a bad one. Strong feeling equals attraction. When you feel anger for someone, you are bringing more of them in your life because of the intensity of your feelings. She suggests noticing what you love and focusing on that. List the people, places, activities, objects you love, notice them in your environment and this is what will grow, opportunities to spend time with those people, visit those places or obtain these objects. Your feelings are a frequency like a radio station and you attract people and circumstances that match this frequency. I you want to bring different people and experiences in your life, adjust your frequency.
Rhonda explains that we are co-creators with the universe. We must be able to imagine what we want. What would it feel like to be this way, to do this, to have this? Once you are clear about what you want and what that would look like, you need to feel as though it were true. She encourages people to surround themselves with cues that their desires have manifested. If you want to go on a trip, you don't focus on the fact that you can'y afford it. Instead, you search the internet for hotels and save a few options on your Favourites page, you buy your swimsuit and sunglasses, you wear sunscreen every day so you smell like you are on holidays, you visualize the warm sand and salty sea air. You tell people how much you love that place and list everything you love about it. You may even print off a photo of your destination and stick it on your fridge. The possibility of going there feels more and more real. Your love for this place and your visualization become a magnet, drawing this experience closer to you.
I don't know if you ever watched Seinfeld. In one episode, George started a program to help reduce his stress. Whenever he had a negative thought, he would stop himself and repeat the words: Serenity Now. By the end of the episode he had a full on nervous breakdown. The author clarifies that there is no need to resist or fear negativity. You are not trying to suppress negative feelings, you just don't amplify them. You focus on what you want and what you love to increase your frequency so your energy matches your desires and you become a magnet for it. Negativity can exist but it doesn't dominate your thoughts, your are too busy imagining the positive outcomes. She describes an exercise to help you release your negative feelings. You imagine that each negative emotion is a wild horse that you climb onto and ride. Then you can choose to get off the horse.
Rhonda emphasizes that we are good enough now. We don't need to work harder, be skinnier, smarter, more of anything, we are fabulous as we are and life is our catalogue. We just need to choose what we want and keep loving it. If we concentrate on our lack, as in, "I would love to do that but I'm broke so it's never going to happen", then we are creating that story for our life, we associate bad feelings to that experience therefore we repel it. She warns against feeling envious of others who have achieved what we are striving to accomplish or feeling discouraged by our lack of results. These further associate negative feelings to our desires, placing them out of our reach.
In order to elevate your frequency, you need to feel as much love as possible for yourself, the people in your life and as many aspects of your life as possible. Gratitude is an expression of love so when you say thank you or you take time to acknowledge how important someone is to you, you are spreading love all around you. Life should be fun so if you focus on what you enjoy and spend time feeding your imagination with your desires while appreciating what you have, this is the key to success. This is true for money, health matters, work and relationships.
This is a feel-good book and it may seem a bit simplistic, just pick what you want from the catalogue, visualize it and send love to it and, presto, you get it. However, I do believe there is power in focusing on what you want, feeling it with every sense so you can imagine your life as it would be if your desires were manifested, watching your negative self-talk, writing down ten things you are grateful for each day and creating a vision board so you can visualize what your ideal life would look like. Is it all baloney? I will try it out and report back. Let's see what happens.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Saturday 27 February 2016
Adrenal Fatigue
February 26th, 2016
Stop for a moment and think about the people in your life: your partner, siblings, friends and colleagues. How many of them have endless energy and a zest for life? Our lives are fast-paced, hectic and packed with responsibilities. The advent of technology was meant to simplify things for us yet we try to perform as if we, ourselves, were machines.
As a mother, spouse, art therapist, and middle-aged woman, I find that I often run out of steam. As I talk to other parents, I see that I am not alone. Parenthood seems to be synonymous with exhaustion. When my daughters were younger, I would meet my "mommy friends" for coffee. We drank excessive amounts of caffeine to keep us going. We talked about our sleep deprivation, the endless, thankless chores of laundry and cooking, the pros and cons of breastfeeding, the challenge of balancing our career and parental duties, our lack of support and energy.
It never occurred to me that motherhood and exhaustion did not go hand in hand. It was so common that it didn't seem abnormal. Women are not the best at self-care. We make nutritious meals for our family and eat the leftovers while standing at the kitchen counter. We stay up late folding laundry while our loved ones sleep only to be woken up way too early by the pitter patter of little feet.
"Of course I'm drained, aren't you?" we ask.
It's the same for men working 8-10 hours each day, coming home to play with the children while their wife prepares supper, running errands and performing maintenance duties on the weekends. Caregivers looking after a loved one with special needs or a chronic illness can also relate. Ditto for the "Sandwich Generation", supporting adult children while caring for aging parents. There are so many examples of people getting worn out by spreading themselves too thin.
Obviously, getting rest and achieving better balance between work and play are ideal solutions to this issue but there are times when you need more support. I recently learned about a condition that I believe goes undetected way too often. Adrenal Fatigue is what happens when you are under stress for prolonged periods of time. Our body is equipped with an emergency system. When we are stressed, we release cortisol and choose between "fight or flight". This process is instrumental to our survival during emergency situations. However, when we constantly trigger this system in response to everyday stress, our adrenal glands become depleted. Adrenal Fatigue is characterized by fatigue that doesn't get better with sleep, becoming overly dependent on caffeine or energy drinks to keep going, retaining body fat (especially on the tummy), craving sweets or carbohydrates and, feeling overwhelmed. Sound like anyone you know?
I am not a physician or even a nurse but I am writing about this because I had never heard of adrenal fatigue. As I read the symptoms I recognized so many people. I know individuals who eat well, try to get their sleep, are working on creating more balance in their life yet they still can't stop feeling tired and overwhelmed. What if supporting their adrenal glands could help them restore their energy and feel like themselves again?
Testing for adrenal fatigue is simple enough. You can test your levels through blood or saliva tests. Treatment involves an adrenal support supplement or acupuncture. The goal of treatment is to restore the healthy function of your adrenal glands. If you think you might be experiencing adrenal fatigue, speak to your family physician or naturopathic doctor. With so much to gain, what have you got to lose?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Stop for a moment and think about the people in your life: your partner, siblings, friends and colleagues. How many of them have endless energy and a zest for life? Our lives are fast-paced, hectic and packed with responsibilities. The advent of technology was meant to simplify things for us yet we try to perform as if we, ourselves, were machines.
As a mother, spouse, art therapist, and middle-aged woman, I find that I often run out of steam. As I talk to other parents, I see that I am not alone. Parenthood seems to be synonymous with exhaustion. When my daughters were younger, I would meet my "mommy friends" for coffee. We drank excessive amounts of caffeine to keep us going. We talked about our sleep deprivation, the endless, thankless chores of laundry and cooking, the pros and cons of breastfeeding, the challenge of balancing our career and parental duties, our lack of support and energy.
It never occurred to me that motherhood and exhaustion did not go hand in hand. It was so common that it didn't seem abnormal. Women are not the best at self-care. We make nutritious meals for our family and eat the leftovers while standing at the kitchen counter. We stay up late folding laundry while our loved ones sleep only to be woken up way too early by the pitter patter of little feet.
"Of course I'm drained, aren't you?" we ask.
It's the same for men working 8-10 hours each day, coming home to play with the children while their wife prepares supper, running errands and performing maintenance duties on the weekends. Caregivers looking after a loved one with special needs or a chronic illness can also relate. Ditto for the "Sandwich Generation", supporting adult children while caring for aging parents. There are so many examples of people getting worn out by spreading themselves too thin.
Obviously, getting rest and achieving better balance between work and play are ideal solutions to this issue but there are times when you need more support. I recently learned about a condition that I believe goes undetected way too often. Adrenal Fatigue is what happens when you are under stress for prolonged periods of time. Our body is equipped with an emergency system. When we are stressed, we release cortisol and choose between "fight or flight". This process is instrumental to our survival during emergency situations. However, when we constantly trigger this system in response to everyday stress, our adrenal glands become depleted. Adrenal Fatigue is characterized by fatigue that doesn't get better with sleep, becoming overly dependent on caffeine or energy drinks to keep going, retaining body fat (especially on the tummy), craving sweets or carbohydrates and, feeling overwhelmed. Sound like anyone you know?
I am not a physician or even a nurse but I am writing about this because I had never heard of adrenal fatigue. As I read the symptoms I recognized so many people. I know individuals who eat well, try to get their sleep, are working on creating more balance in their life yet they still can't stop feeling tired and overwhelmed. What if supporting their adrenal glands could help them restore their energy and feel like themselves again?
Testing for adrenal fatigue is simple enough. You can test your levels through blood or saliva tests. Treatment involves an adrenal support supplement or acupuncture. The goal of treatment is to restore the healthy function of your adrenal glands. If you think you might be experiencing adrenal fatigue, speak to your family physician or naturopathic doctor. With so much to gain, what have you got to lose?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday 26 February 2016
I Do
February 25th, 2016
Growing up, you read fairy tales about princesses who are beautiful-birds landing on their outstretched index finger and cute forest creatures gathering to hear them sing. The princess is in trouble, usually because of a step mother or evil witch who covets the princess's beauty. The princess nearly dies but her prince saves her. In the nick of time, he swoops in on his white horse and battles the dragon or kisses her lips and revives her. Then, of course, they live happily ever after. There is never a sequel. What does it mean to live happily ever after? What would that look like?
As a young girl, you idealize your dad. He is your prince. He is strong, he protects you and loves you. You draw him pictures and hug him tight, holding onto his neck. You feel safe. As a young woman, when you like a guy, you project your fantasies onto him. Is he THE ONE?
There are so many beginnings to a relationship: hot, blind and fiery, you just love exploring each other's bodies but you really know nothing about each other (less talking, more kissing), friends first, you develop feelings for a guy friend and have to get through the awkward stage of "Oh My God, this is my friend I'm kissing", love-at-first-sight, you meet a total stranger and feel like you've come home, everything feels familiar and right about this person or, hate-lust, couples who start out as archenemies until, one day, during one of their arguments, there is a kiss, followed by bliss. They fight and make-up over and over again and, they wouldn't have it any other way. There are plenty more ways to get started but, you get the point.
So, what happens next? Eventually, things get more serious, they stop seeing other people, they move in together and, eventually commit (maybe through marriage or just an agreement). Sometimes, immediately after the commitment, one of the partners panics and attempts to sabotage it (I'm trapped, can't breathe). There can be a long stretch of time where both parties feel safe, comfortable, proud and hopeful for the future.
If you have children, things get a little tricky. You have a fantasy in your mind of what that will be like, so does he. Do they match? Do you understand each other's expectations? You imagine yourself getting pregnant right away, calling everyone to share the great news, you look radiant, you and the baby are healthy, your partner is interested in going to every appointment and hearing all the details of your pregnancy, the baby comes on its due date, you squat and push that baby out in record time, you hold your baby in your arms and you are the picture of motherhood, your newborn latches on perfectly, sleeps through the night, a swarm of visitors come to see you and the baby, your husband exudes love and pride as he looks into your eyes, your life is exactly the same as before except you bring the baby along. Cue the sound of the needle scratching the record. If you have children, you recognize the sarcasm here. Things rarely happen perfectly. You may not conceive, throw up for the first semester, go through complications, experience a hellish childbirth, have trouble breastfeeding or end up with a colicky baby. This is real life.
This is where your relationship grows. You need each other. There are challenges and you must figure out how to get through them. Four months of sleepless nights were not part of the fairytale. I don't recall the stretch marks and mood swings being in there either. So there you are, two people who love each other but who are being tested. You may both be tired, worried and stressed. How will you handle this? Will you blame your partner, leave, have an affair, work late or communicate, come up with a plan and tackle this together? Maybe you'll try all of these until you find what works.
You may not have any children. You meet someone, become a couple, work, travel, entertain friends and enjoy leisure activities together. Life will still present a few hurdles to strengthen your relationship. You lose your job, his mother becomes ill, the in-laws are intrusive or you just get bored after a few years. Each of you wonders: "Is this it"? Once again, you have a choice. How will you face the challenge? Will you remember that you're on the same team? It's scary when times get rough. You think about the divorce statistics, you worry that you won't make it. Will things get better or is this the end?
My husband and I will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary in August. We have two amazing daughters, ages 10 and 7. His business is thriving. I have changed jobs and now work from home. We are in such a good place right now. However, we have been through our share of issues and there were times I'm sure we both wanted to punch each other's brains out. We each had some baggage and every conflict caused us to unpack a bit at a time. We know our triggers and patterns. We have seen each other at our worst but also witnessed our strength, devotion and compassion. We have our date night every week and we spend time together when the girls are in school. We still make each other laugh, pushing the boundaries until one of us says: "OK that's enough, this has gone too far". I love him in a completely different way. I used to look at him, the way he dressed, the spikes in his hair, his goatee, his green eyes, I loved the way he held my hand or acted silly in public, I enjoyed working out together then eating delicious vietnamese food or watching him at work, so skilled and competent.
My favourite moments now are watching him show our youngest how to start a terrific fire in the fireplace or how to cook delicious soup. I love seeing our eldest cuddle up with him and tell him about her day. The girls love his silliness and the way he throws them into the pool in the summer. I love hearing them squeal with delight as they run down the hallway when he makes monster noises and chases them. It feels good to eat supper together, walk the dog as a family or go out for ice cream. I still enjoy watching him work, we hold hands every night as we relax in front of the tv before bed, we never run out of jokes and we eat vietnamese food weekly.
We need longer fairy tales to teach us what real relationships look like when two people agree to love one another, even when it's hard. To show young people what it feels like to get to the other side, stronger, humbler and, more compassionate.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Growing up, you read fairy tales about princesses who are beautiful-birds landing on their outstretched index finger and cute forest creatures gathering to hear them sing. The princess is in trouble, usually because of a step mother or evil witch who covets the princess's beauty. The princess nearly dies but her prince saves her. In the nick of time, he swoops in on his white horse and battles the dragon or kisses her lips and revives her. Then, of course, they live happily ever after. There is never a sequel. What does it mean to live happily ever after? What would that look like?
As a young girl, you idealize your dad. He is your prince. He is strong, he protects you and loves you. You draw him pictures and hug him tight, holding onto his neck. You feel safe. As a young woman, when you like a guy, you project your fantasies onto him. Is he THE ONE?
There are so many beginnings to a relationship: hot, blind and fiery, you just love exploring each other's bodies but you really know nothing about each other (less talking, more kissing), friends first, you develop feelings for a guy friend and have to get through the awkward stage of "Oh My God, this is my friend I'm kissing", love-at-first-sight, you meet a total stranger and feel like you've come home, everything feels familiar and right about this person or, hate-lust, couples who start out as archenemies until, one day, during one of their arguments, there is a kiss, followed by bliss. They fight and make-up over and over again and, they wouldn't have it any other way. There are plenty more ways to get started but, you get the point.
So, what happens next? Eventually, things get more serious, they stop seeing other people, they move in together and, eventually commit (maybe through marriage or just an agreement). Sometimes, immediately after the commitment, one of the partners panics and attempts to sabotage it (I'm trapped, can't breathe). There can be a long stretch of time where both parties feel safe, comfortable, proud and hopeful for the future.
If you have children, things get a little tricky. You have a fantasy in your mind of what that will be like, so does he. Do they match? Do you understand each other's expectations? You imagine yourself getting pregnant right away, calling everyone to share the great news, you look radiant, you and the baby are healthy, your partner is interested in going to every appointment and hearing all the details of your pregnancy, the baby comes on its due date, you squat and push that baby out in record time, you hold your baby in your arms and you are the picture of motherhood, your newborn latches on perfectly, sleeps through the night, a swarm of visitors come to see you and the baby, your husband exudes love and pride as he looks into your eyes, your life is exactly the same as before except you bring the baby along. Cue the sound of the needle scratching the record. If you have children, you recognize the sarcasm here. Things rarely happen perfectly. You may not conceive, throw up for the first semester, go through complications, experience a hellish childbirth, have trouble breastfeeding or end up with a colicky baby. This is real life.
This is where your relationship grows. You need each other. There are challenges and you must figure out how to get through them. Four months of sleepless nights were not part of the fairytale. I don't recall the stretch marks and mood swings being in there either. So there you are, two people who love each other but who are being tested. You may both be tired, worried and stressed. How will you handle this? Will you blame your partner, leave, have an affair, work late or communicate, come up with a plan and tackle this together? Maybe you'll try all of these until you find what works.
You may not have any children. You meet someone, become a couple, work, travel, entertain friends and enjoy leisure activities together. Life will still present a few hurdles to strengthen your relationship. You lose your job, his mother becomes ill, the in-laws are intrusive or you just get bored after a few years. Each of you wonders: "Is this it"? Once again, you have a choice. How will you face the challenge? Will you remember that you're on the same team? It's scary when times get rough. You think about the divorce statistics, you worry that you won't make it. Will things get better or is this the end?
My husband and I will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary in August. We have two amazing daughters, ages 10 and 7. His business is thriving. I have changed jobs and now work from home. We are in such a good place right now. However, we have been through our share of issues and there were times I'm sure we both wanted to punch each other's brains out. We each had some baggage and every conflict caused us to unpack a bit at a time. We know our triggers and patterns. We have seen each other at our worst but also witnessed our strength, devotion and compassion. We have our date night every week and we spend time together when the girls are in school. We still make each other laugh, pushing the boundaries until one of us says: "OK that's enough, this has gone too far". I love him in a completely different way. I used to look at him, the way he dressed, the spikes in his hair, his goatee, his green eyes, I loved the way he held my hand or acted silly in public, I enjoyed working out together then eating delicious vietnamese food or watching him at work, so skilled and competent.
My favourite moments now are watching him show our youngest how to start a terrific fire in the fireplace or how to cook delicious soup. I love seeing our eldest cuddle up with him and tell him about her day. The girls love his silliness and the way he throws them into the pool in the summer. I love hearing them squeal with delight as they run down the hallway when he makes monster noises and chases them. It feels good to eat supper together, walk the dog as a family or go out for ice cream. I still enjoy watching him work, we hold hands every night as we relax in front of the tv before bed, we never run out of jokes and we eat vietnamese food weekly.
We need longer fairy tales to teach us what real relationships look like when two people agree to love one another, even when it's hard. To show young people what it feels like to get to the other side, stronger, humbler and, more compassionate.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday 25 February 2016
Louise Bourgeois-Art at ANY age
February 24th, 2016
When I was completing my art portfolio at the Ottawa School of Art, I received an assignment in my Art History class. Students had to pick an artist from a list of names, research this artist and present him or her to the class. I chose an obscure name, not Matisse or Picasso but Louise Bourgeois. I was surrounded by gifted artists and I was just passing through but I thought I could do a really good job at researching and presenting this artist.
I wasted no time reading up on Mrs Bourgeois and she rocked my world. I watched videos of this little old lady sculpting out of marble and metal. This tiny, frail elderly woman was fighting censors who objected to sexual imagery. She produced art to advocate for the rights of gay and lesbian individuals to marry. She also created art to support awareness and advocacy for ACT UP, an AIDS activist organization.
Louise Bourgeois was inspired to create art that examined sexuality, gender roles as well as the duality of vulnerability and control. She used her art to process early childhood trauma, mainly her awareness that her father was cheating on her ill mother with Louise's English tutor. Her father was domineering, making everyone else feel small and insignificant, including Louise. She explored her mother's vulnerability as well as her strength through projects like Femme Maison and Maman.
Femme Maison is a series of drawings, painting and sculptures of women's bodies either standing sideways or facing the viewer, sometimes the legs are straight but they can also be spread, feet touching to form a diamond. The head or sometimes the entire upper half of the body is a house instead of a head. This shows the women's preoccupation with everything domestic while being cut off from the rest of society. The sculpture I saw displayed a woman on her back, on the floor. Her head stuffed into what looks like a dog house.
Her series of spiders made of steel and marble is called Maman. They are an ode to her mother's strength and protective nature. Louise loved her mother. She watched her repair tapestries and saw this ability to fix things, like a spider working on her web, as a strength.
Her feelings about her father were also expressed through her art. Her sculpture, Fillette, is a two foot latex penis complete with head, shaft and testicles. I saw a photo of it hanging from a wire thread through the head, just dangling from the wall. During a photo shoot with Robert Mapplethorpe, she posed with her penis sculpture tucked in under her arm. The title of this phallic sculpture, Fillette, is meant to poke fun at it.
Much of Louise's work has a voyeuristic quality to it. She sculpted eyes out of metal and marble. She created installations called cells where you walked into a scenario that was meant to elicit an emotional response. There were some cells that you didn't walk into, you were just allowed to peer through an opening. In I Do. I Undo. I Redo. people were presented with three towers measuring 9 metres high, surrounded by spiral staircases. Guests were meant to climb up to the platform where they would see a jar with a figure of a mother and her child. The platforms were surrounded by huge mirrors so spectators could watch visitors interact with the art and with one another. In her Destruction of the Father installation, you witness the aftermath of a murder scene. She and a sibling have killed their father, dismembered and eaten him.
Louise was actively creating right up to her death. Her last creations were completed a week prior to her death at 98 years of age. For the last two years of her life, friend and photographer Alex Van Gelder photographed Mrs Bourgeois. In one photo she is wearing a black mask and holding a knife. In another photo she is staring at her aged face in the mirror. She was still showing her work in Museums in 2000 and 2001 in her 80s. This artist has examined many controversial subjects, creating provocative art with a variety of art mediums. She was creating and pushing buttons until her last breath in 2010. A life well lived, a great example for women everywhere, especially those who say they are too old to start creating.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
When I was completing my art portfolio at the Ottawa School of Art, I received an assignment in my Art History class. Students had to pick an artist from a list of names, research this artist and present him or her to the class. I chose an obscure name, not Matisse or Picasso but Louise Bourgeois. I was surrounded by gifted artists and I was just passing through but I thought I could do a really good job at researching and presenting this artist.
I wasted no time reading up on Mrs Bourgeois and she rocked my world. I watched videos of this little old lady sculpting out of marble and metal. This tiny, frail elderly woman was fighting censors who objected to sexual imagery. She produced art to advocate for the rights of gay and lesbian individuals to marry. She also created art to support awareness and advocacy for ACT UP, an AIDS activist organization.
Louise Bourgeois was inspired to create art that examined sexuality, gender roles as well as the duality of vulnerability and control. She used her art to process early childhood trauma, mainly her awareness that her father was cheating on her ill mother with Louise's English tutor. Her father was domineering, making everyone else feel small and insignificant, including Louise. She explored her mother's vulnerability as well as her strength through projects like Femme Maison and Maman.
Femme Maison is a series of drawings, painting and sculptures of women's bodies either standing sideways or facing the viewer, sometimes the legs are straight but they can also be spread, feet touching to form a diamond. The head or sometimes the entire upper half of the body is a house instead of a head. This shows the women's preoccupation with everything domestic while being cut off from the rest of society. The sculpture I saw displayed a woman on her back, on the floor. Her head stuffed into what looks like a dog house.
Her series of spiders made of steel and marble is called Maman. They are an ode to her mother's strength and protective nature. Louise loved her mother. She watched her repair tapestries and saw this ability to fix things, like a spider working on her web, as a strength.
Her feelings about her father were also expressed through her art. Her sculpture, Fillette, is a two foot latex penis complete with head, shaft and testicles. I saw a photo of it hanging from a wire thread through the head, just dangling from the wall. During a photo shoot with Robert Mapplethorpe, she posed with her penis sculpture tucked in under her arm. The title of this phallic sculpture, Fillette, is meant to poke fun at it.
Much of Louise's work has a voyeuristic quality to it. She sculpted eyes out of metal and marble. She created installations called cells where you walked into a scenario that was meant to elicit an emotional response. There were some cells that you didn't walk into, you were just allowed to peer through an opening. In I Do. I Undo. I Redo. people were presented with three towers measuring 9 metres high, surrounded by spiral staircases. Guests were meant to climb up to the platform where they would see a jar with a figure of a mother and her child. The platforms were surrounded by huge mirrors so spectators could watch visitors interact with the art and with one another. In her Destruction of the Father installation, you witness the aftermath of a murder scene. She and a sibling have killed their father, dismembered and eaten him.
Louise was actively creating right up to her death. Her last creations were completed a week prior to her death at 98 years of age. For the last two years of her life, friend and photographer Alex Van Gelder photographed Mrs Bourgeois. In one photo she is wearing a black mask and holding a knife. In another photo she is staring at her aged face in the mirror. She was still showing her work in Museums in 2000 and 2001 in her 80s. This artist has examined many controversial subjects, creating provocative art with a variety of art mediums. She was creating and pushing buttons until her last breath in 2010. A life well lived, a great example for women everywhere, especially those who say they are too old to start creating.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Parent for life
February 23rd, 2016
The issue of caring for children even into adulthood never occurred to me until a woman asked for help with her son. He was employed a few hours a week and needed a ride home from work. The mother was able to drop him off on her way to work but she couldn't bring him back home after his shift just a few hours later. Her son had just graduated from high school and this was his first opportunity to work in the community. For young adults with Asperger Syndrome, transitioning from high school can be tricky. An opportunity to gain work skills can not be passed up. I was free at the time her son was done his shift so I offered to give him a ride home.
I wasn't sure what to expect. He was waiting for me outside his workplace when I arrived on the first day. We chatted on the way home about his responsibilities at work and whatever he purchased at the store. He was able to cook his own lunch and was looking forward to eating whatever was on the menu that day. As the weeks went by, I discovered his sense of humour and he opened up about his issues with family members, clients and the neighbours. I enjoyed our chats. He was very intelligent and interesting.
I have met other parents since then and learned about the tremendous pressure of loving an adult child with Asperger Syndrome. One of my mother's colleagues has an adult son who lives with them. She is worried about the future. She and her husband are aging and they worry about who will take care of their son when they are no longer able to do it. They have another son but they don't want to burden him with the responsibility. There aren't as many options for AS than for individuals with other needs.
A friend of mine has a teenage son on the spectrum. His friends are all getting their driver's licence but he is not able to get his. There are little realizations along the way that are challenging for individuals with AS and their loved ones.
In theory, there seems to be housing options. The Asperger Autism Network website (www.aane.org), recommends factors to consider when choosing adequate housing for individuals with AS. "It's important to choose housing that will support their sensory, social and environmental needs". They must have a place where they can be alone, comfortable and quiet.
According to an article in www.autismdigest.com dated July/August 2012, "it is estimated that approximately 500,000 individuals with ASD will reach adulthood in the next 15 years". This website proposes the use of the Functional Skills Screening Inventory (FSSI) in order to "improve services through observable behaviour change and by focusing on the functional living skills needed to be an integral part of the community". Once you have assessed the individual's strengths and needs, you can examine the variety of housing options ranging from adult foster homes to supervised apartments.
As you read about independent living, supported living and group homes, it can seem that finding appropriate accommodations is simply a matter of choice. However, as I speak to parents of adults on the spectrum, the reality is that these options are not available in their community. Therefore, parents are left to care for their adult offspring on their own or, with some assistance from an agency, while their son or daughter lives with them.
I did some research and found an exciting program in Texas. You may wonder why I am bothering to report on it since it is so far away. I think it can serve as a starting point and role model to inspire discussion and innovation in our community.
Marbridge is a residential program for individuals with AS. It "fulfills all nine of the Autism Society's quality of life indicators". Young adults come to this program after high school and Marbridge provides an individualized program for them to meet their personal goals. The focus may have to do with personal skills like self-care, life skills like cooking or washing laundry or, if the individual wishes to find employment, job skills including writing a resume and preparing for interviews.
The program was founded in 1953 but it has been re-vamped in 2001 to integrate "education, socialization, recreation, independent living skills and employment instructions". Their website is www.marbridge.org. Their home page boasts a success story, detailing the many steps that were taken to get this young man to his current independent life. We need more programs like these to support the many families seeking adequate solutions.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
The issue of caring for children even into adulthood never occurred to me until a woman asked for help with her son. He was employed a few hours a week and needed a ride home from work. The mother was able to drop him off on her way to work but she couldn't bring him back home after his shift just a few hours later. Her son had just graduated from high school and this was his first opportunity to work in the community. For young adults with Asperger Syndrome, transitioning from high school can be tricky. An opportunity to gain work skills can not be passed up. I was free at the time her son was done his shift so I offered to give him a ride home.
I wasn't sure what to expect. He was waiting for me outside his workplace when I arrived on the first day. We chatted on the way home about his responsibilities at work and whatever he purchased at the store. He was able to cook his own lunch and was looking forward to eating whatever was on the menu that day. As the weeks went by, I discovered his sense of humour and he opened up about his issues with family members, clients and the neighbours. I enjoyed our chats. He was very intelligent and interesting.
I have met other parents since then and learned about the tremendous pressure of loving an adult child with Asperger Syndrome. One of my mother's colleagues has an adult son who lives with them. She is worried about the future. She and her husband are aging and they worry about who will take care of their son when they are no longer able to do it. They have another son but they don't want to burden him with the responsibility. There aren't as many options for AS than for individuals with other needs.
A friend of mine has a teenage son on the spectrum. His friends are all getting their driver's licence but he is not able to get his. There are little realizations along the way that are challenging for individuals with AS and their loved ones.
In theory, there seems to be housing options. The Asperger Autism Network website (www.aane.org), recommends factors to consider when choosing adequate housing for individuals with AS. "It's important to choose housing that will support their sensory, social and environmental needs". They must have a place where they can be alone, comfortable and quiet.
According to an article in www.autismdigest.com dated July/August 2012, "it is estimated that approximately 500,000 individuals with ASD will reach adulthood in the next 15 years". This website proposes the use of the Functional Skills Screening Inventory (FSSI) in order to "improve services through observable behaviour change and by focusing on the functional living skills needed to be an integral part of the community". Once you have assessed the individual's strengths and needs, you can examine the variety of housing options ranging from adult foster homes to supervised apartments.
As you read about independent living, supported living and group homes, it can seem that finding appropriate accommodations is simply a matter of choice. However, as I speak to parents of adults on the spectrum, the reality is that these options are not available in their community. Therefore, parents are left to care for their adult offspring on their own or, with some assistance from an agency, while their son or daughter lives with them.
I did some research and found an exciting program in Texas. You may wonder why I am bothering to report on it since it is so far away. I think it can serve as a starting point and role model to inspire discussion and innovation in our community.
Marbridge is a residential program for individuals with AS. It "fulfills all nine of the Autism Society's quality of life indicators". Young adults come to this program after high school and Marbridge provides an individualized program for them to meet their personal goals. The focus may have to do with personal skills like self-care, life skills like cooking or washing laundry or, if the individual wishes to find employment, job skills including writing a resume and preparing for interviews.
The program was founded in 1953 but it has been re-vamped in 2001 to integrate "education, socialization, recreation, independent living skills and employment instructions". Their website is www.marbridge.org. Their home page boasts a success story, detailing the many steps that were taken to get this young man to his current independent life. We need more programs like these to support the many families seeking adequate solutions.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday 24 February 2016
Teen Poverty
February 22nd, 2016
On Monday evening, I went to a meeting at The Branch Restaurant in Kemptville. The meeting was organized by the Share the Love campaign officer, Heather Sansom. I was invited to speak about the art project I facilitated at Oxford on Rideau Public School. A gentleman from Youth Centres of Canada provided sobering statistics about poverty and the results of rural poverty on our community. Robin Heald from the Kemptville Youth Centre spoke at length about the situations she encounters through her work, youth who need shelter and have nowhere to go. She described the lack of resources in our area, like shelters and, explained the difference between agencies that offer referrals and agencies that conduct referral management. The Kemptville Youth Centre can refer clients to resources in adjoining communities like the Ottawa Shelter or the Prescott Shelter which is currently conducting a pilot project. Referring means she can give clients a phone number and a telephone, the rest is up to them. Once the teenagers leave her centre, she has no idea where they ended up.
We discussed the impact of poverty on community health: inadequate food or cold homes so children get sick. We examined the correlation to dropping out of school, teen pregnancy, obesity (by eating cheap, processed food) and relocation. Youth will choose to go to the Ottawa shelter, given a choice because there are more accessible resources there and transportation. Once they get there, there is no follow-up so they may end up on the streets which can lead to drug use or prostitution. Robin would rather have referral management services. This means you actively connect youth to resources, you contact those resources for them and coordinate them accessing the services. You then follow-up for a set amount of time to ensure they are gaining the skills or contact necessary to their success. They may need job skills or assistance with housing. Once teenagers leave our area, chances are they will not return to our area.
We met Mario, the manager of the new ReStore in Kemptville who just moved to Kemptville from PEI. The Restore raises funds for Habitat for Humanity by accepting donations of used construction materials and selling them to the public, home builders etc. The money helps to pay for their next building project. Habitat for Humanity chooses a family in need and works in partnership with them to build a home. They have a mortgage but is in interest-free and adjusted according to their income. The home is theirs and they can choose to sell it once they have lived there for a year. Mario reported the many benefits for families who become homeowners. Children have a space of their own, a home they can be proud of, they have sense of ownership and learn to take care of their home, they can have people over for playdates.
Having the ReStore is good news. However, the lack of resources for teens means many local youth fall through the cracks. Robin lead a brainstorm of potential solutions. Initially, the discussion was focused on how we can gather data re: how many local teens are actually homeless, couch surfing or stuck in abusive situations. There were many suggestions including having an intranet database that social service agencies could use to enter information about teenagers who were using their services, using the youth's initials to ensure confidentiality while avoiding counting the same person twice. Others talked about policies and procedures that exist elsewhere. We could contact them and ask for their service map to learn from their experience. One success story came from Medicine Hat where homelessness became a priority and was drastically reduced. The Prescott Shelter Pilot Project is likely to expand to our area. For now, Robin encourages everyone to contact their MP and MPP and demand that the issue of teen homelessness be addressed. This is a crucial time as our Municipality is discussing policies that will affect affordable housing in Leeds-Grenville.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
On Monday evening, I went to a meeting at The Branch Restaurant in Kemptville. The meeting was organized by the Share the Love campaign officer, Heather Sansom. I was invited to speak about the art project I facilitated at Oxford on Rideau Public School. A gentleman from Youth Centres of Canada provided sobering statistics about poverty and the results of rural poverty on our community. Robin Heald from the Kemptville Youth Centre spoke at length about the situations she encounters through her work, youth who need shelter and have nowhere to go. She described the lack of resources in our area, like shelters and, explained the difference between agencies that offer referrals and agencies that conduct referral management. The Kemptville Youth Centre can refer clients to resources in adjoining communities like the Ottawa Shelter or the Prescott Shelter which is currently conducting a pilot project. Referring means she can give clients a phone number and a telephone, the rest is up to them. Once the teenagers leave her centre, she has no idea where they ended up.
We discussed the impact of poverty on community health: inadequate food or cold homes so children get sick. We examined the correlation to dropping out of school, teen pregnancy, obesity (by eating cheap, processed food) and relocation. Youth will choose to go to the Ottawa shelter, given a choice because there are more accessible resources there and transportation. Once they get there, there is no follow-up so they may end up on the streets which can lead to drug use or prostitution. Robin would rather have referral management services. This means you actively connect youth to resources, you contact those resources for them and coordinate them accessing the services. You then follow-up for a set amount of time to ensure they are gaining the skills or contact necessary to their success. They may need job skills or assistance with housing. Once teenagers leave our area, chances are they will not return to our area.
We met Mario, the manager of the new ReStore in Kemptville who just moved to Kemptville from PEI. The Restore raises funds for Habitat for Humanity by accepting donations of used construction materials and selling them to the public, home builders etc. The money helps to pay for their next building project. Habitat for Humanity chooses a family in need and works in partnership with them to build a home. They have a mortgage but is in interest-free and adjusted according to their income. The home is theirs and they can choose to sell it once they have lived there for a year. Mario reported the many benefits for families who become homeowners. Children have a space of their own, a home they can be proud of, they have sense of ownership and learn to take care of their home, they can have people over for playdates.
Having the ReStore is good news. However, the lack of resources for teens means many local youth fall through the cracks. Robin lead a brainstorm of potential solutions. Initially, the discussion was focused on how we can gather data re: how many local teens are actually homeless, couch surfing or stuck in abusive situations. There were many suggestions including having an intranet database that social service agencies could use to enter information about teenagers who were using their services, using the youth's initials to ensure confidentiality while avoiding counting the same person twice. Others talked about policies and procedures that exist elsewhere. We could contact them and ask for their service map to learn from their experience. One success story came from Medicine Hat where homelessness became a priority and was drastically reduced. The Prescott Shelter Pilot Project is likely to expand to our area. For now, Robin encourages everyone to contact their MP and MPP and demand that the issue of teen homelessness be addressed. This is a crucial time as our Municipality is discussing policies that will affect affordable housing in Leeds-Grenville.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday 23 February 2016
Painting from the Source
February 21st, 2016
There is an approach to painting which, in my opinion, represents the very core of art therapy, it's called Painting from the Source. There is a book about this relationship to art with that exact title. The author's name is Aviva Gold and she facilitates Painting from the Source workshops. I know so many women who envy people who are creative. They wish they could draw or paint. Artists are mysterious to them and lucky.
Painting from the Source means you recognize your connection to wisdom and you enter into a dialogue with art materials to create openly, spontaneously. You prepare the environment, you show up and you trust in the process. The goal of the art in this approach, as in art therapy, is to create something, not for others, to show off, sell or display but because it feels good, it helps you connect to your wisdom and it provides insight.
When you approach art in this way, not planning, just allowing, your creation presents images to you. You play around with colours and textures and notice what emerges. Often, as an image takes shape in your doodle or paint, you have an emotional connection to it, a recognition of the message it brings. As you paint, you become acquainted with, and welcome, this form of communication. You need to pick a time when you are free to create without interruptions and commit to it. It helps to set up a private space so you can create freely without the fear that someone will see your work before you are ready to share it.
If you have a hard time getting started, paint the anxiety you feel about doing this. Choose your favourite colour and paint a geometric shape on the paper with that colour. Start by doodling or graffiti. Blindfold yourself or imagine that you are someone or something else (e.g. an animal). The author suggests: "paint faster and pretend you're going to burn the painting anyway". For clients who are afraid of making a mess, I suggest they make the biggest, ugliest mess they can imagine. This generally results in a wide grin on their face and some vivid, colourful work. If your mind kicks in and starts criticizing your efforts, focus on the pleasant sensations of the experience. "Pretend you're four years old again...that you've never seen paint or brushes before.."
When you paint in this way, you relinquish control. You become your wisdom's tool to bring about colour and images to the blank paper. You are at the service of your art. You must go with your gut when you are selecting a paint brush, choosing a paint colour, deciding which parts of the painting to paint over, which images to develop and which areas of your paper you should explore. Once you have a painting, you can go deeper by asking yourself what the people in your painting would say if they had a voice or even ask your painting what it wants and doing the first thing that comes to your mind. You can "scan for images that may be hidden in abstract shapes" or "look for a space where you sense something is hidden that wants to emerge".
Aviva recommends these strategies if you feel stuck:
Paint yourself stuck in the birth canal
Silence your critic by painting whatever he or she would hate the most
Paint your pain
Paint your emotions
Paint feces, genitals or vomit
I can attest to the beauty of this experience and encourage all of you to try it.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
There is an approach to painting which, in my opinion, represents the very core of art therapy, it's called Painting from the Source. There is a book about this relationship to art with that exact title. The author's name is Aviva Gold and she facilitates Painting from the Source workshops. I know so many women who envy people who are creative. They wish they could draw or paint. Artists are mysterious to them and lucky.
Painting from the Source means you recognize your connection to wisdom and you enter into a dialogue with art materials to create openly, spontaneously. You prepare the environment, you show up and you trust in the process. The goal of the art in this approach, as in art therapy, is to create something, not for others, to show off, sell or display but because it feels good, it helps you connect to your wisdom and it provides insight.
When you approach art in this way, not planning, just allowing, your creation presents images to you. You play around with colours and textures and notice what emerges. Often, as an image takes shape in your doodle or paint, you have an emotional connection to it, a recognition of the message it brings. As you paint, you become acquainted with, and welcome, this form of communication. You need to pick a time when you are free to create without interruptions and commit to it. It helps to set up a private space so you can create freely without the fear that someone will see your work before you are ready to share it.
If you have a hard time getting started, paint the anxiety you feel about doing this. Choose your favourite colour and paint a geometric shape on the paper with that colour. Start by doodling or graffiti. Blindfold yourself or imagine that you are someone or something else (e.g. an animal). The author suggests: "paint faster and pretend you're going to burn the painting anyway". For clients who are afraid of making a mess, I suggest they make the biggest, ugliest mess they can imagine. This generally results in a wide grin on their face and some vivid, colourful work. If your mind kicks in and starts criticizing your efforts, focus on the pleasant sensations of the experience. "Pretend you're four years old again...that you've never seen paint or brushes before.."
When you paint in this way, you relinquish control. You become your wisdom's tool to bring about colour and images to the blank paper. You are at the service of your art. You must go with your gut when you are selecting a paint brush, choosing a paint colour, deciding which parts of the painting to paint over, which images to develop and which areas of your paper you should explore. Once you have a painting, you can go deeper by asking yourself what the people in your painting would say if they had a voice or even ask your painting what it wants and doing the first thing that comes to your mind. You can "scan for images that may be hidden in abstract shapes" or "look for a space where you sense something is hidden that wants to emerge".
Aviva recommends these strategies if you feel stuck:
Paint yourself stuck in the birth canal
Silence your critic by painting whatever he or she would hate the most
Paint your pain
Paint your emotions
Paint feces, genitals or vomit
I can attest to the beauty of this experience and encourage all of you to try it.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Women
February 20th, 2016
On Saturday, I had my Divorce Diva workshop. We have been meeting monthly for over a year now. We did not meet in January so the last time the participants had seen one another was in December 2015. There was so much joy in the room, it was palpable.
I offer art therapy workshops to various groups of women. I love this work!!!! Just like I read about in Girls on the Edge, girls and women need to connect. There simply isn't anything that replaces that sense of connection for us. In each of my groups, the women are very different from one another. Sometimes I worry that they will fail to connect. However, in every case, no matter who shows up, we all have the same intention, to get together, create, communicate, grow and heal.
The women in the group all share a common experience, whether they work in the same place and I am offering a team building workshop or they are all survivors of abuse, divorced, stressed, at a crossroads in their career or, simply stuck. However, they are at different points in their journey and they have all had very busy lives. What amazes me is the capacity that we have as women for seeing the best in others and feeling compassion for them. Women share their stories to connect with one another and to encourage each other along the way. As the group grows together, they become each other's cheerleaders, reflecting on the progress that each person has achieved.
Unfortunately, women often underestimate their own brilliance and progress. Everyone one else is brave and special but not them. That is another reason group work is powerful. If I as a therapist tell a client that I am blown away with her progress, she may think I am just trying to encourage her. If an entire group of women are mirroring the same message, it lends more credibility.
When I have activities in pairs within groups of women who don't know one another, the women who pair up always have some kind of connection. One of them is trying to leave an abusive husband, the other has left after she was beaten so badly she ended up in hospital. Both women have had miscarriages or they are from the same hometown. I can't explain how they do it, but the women who need to learn from each other, end up together.
Provided they feel safe and accepted, women will discuss anything and everything so we get to know each other intimately. Outside of environments where they are burdened with responsibilities, women will immediately look for ways to enjoy life. They feel light and joyful, the noise level goes up, they are thoroughly enjoying themselves. I love being a part of this.
I will always create opportunities for women to connect, communicate and create together. It is an important aspect of mental health and life satisfaction for them and for me.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
On Saturday, I had my Divorce Diva workshop. We have been meeting monthly for over a year now. We did not meet in January so the last time the participants had seen one another was in December 2015. There was so much joy in the room, it was palpable.
I offer art therapy workshops to various groups of women. I love this work!!!! Just like I read about in Girls on the Edge, girls and women need to connect. There simply isn't anything that replaces that sense of connection for us. In each of my groups, the women are very different from one another. Sometimes I worry that they will fail to connect. However, in every case, no matter who shows up, we all have the same intention, to get together, create, communicate, grow and heal.
The women in the group all share a common experience, whether they work in the same place and I am offering a team building workshop or they are all survivors of abuse, divorced, stressed, at a crossroads in their career or, simply stuck. However, they are at different points in their journey and they have all had very busy lives. What amazes me is the capacity that we have as women for seeing the best in others and feeling compassion for them. Women share their stories to connect with one another and to encourage each other along the way. As the group grows together, they become each other's cheerleaders, reflecting on the progress that each person has achieved.
Unfortunately, women often underestimate their own brilliance and progress. Everyone one else is brave and special but not them. That is another reason group work is powerful. If I as a therapist tell a client that I am blown away with her progress, she may think I am just trying to encourage her. If an entire group of women are mirroring the same message, it lends more credibility.
When I have activities in pairs within groups of women who don't know one another, the women who pair up always have some kind of connection. One of them is trying to leave an abusive husband, the other has left after she was beaten so badly she ended up in hospital. Both women have had miscarriages or they are from the same hometown. I can't explain how they do it, but the women who need to learn from each other, end up together.
Provided they feel safe and accepted, women will discuss anything and everything so we get to know each other intimately. Outside of environments where they are burdened with responsibilities, women will immediately look for ways to enjoy life. They feel light and joyful, the noise level goes up, they are thoroughly enjoying themselves. I love being a part of this.
I will always create opportunities for women to connect, communicate and create together. It is an important aspect of mental health and life satisfaction for them and for me.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday 22 February 2016
Apple Customer Service
February 19th, 2016
It has been a very busy weekend and I have neglected my blog. When you have people visiting, it is hard to disappear so you can write a blog. I will always choose people over technology.
Speaking about technology and the need to put people first, I had an interesting experience on Friday. I drove to Bayshore to pick up my mother for the weekend. I needed to buy new chargers so I asked her to meet me at the Apple Store on the main floor.
I walked into the store and asked a man standing in the centre of the store, facing the entrance where I could buy chargers for iPhone 6s. He briskly walked over to a wall and spoke very rapidly. There are two choices, one costs $25 and the other costs $35. The difference is the length if the cord. I stood, facing a wall of cords as he rushed back to his post. My husband had led me to believe they were cheaper than that but we needed a charger as our phone batteries had not been charging properly for nearly a week. I was driving through a snow storm at one point with a dead phone, worried that I would need to call my husband. So I took the charging cord and headed to the back of the store where employees stood behind a desk. There were line ups of customers so I got in line. When it was finally my turn, the employee smiled and said if I wanted to purchase something, one of his colleagues at the front of the store, would be happy to help me.
I turned around and scanned the busy store for someone other than the guy who led me to the wall of cords earlier (he stood at the centre of the store, not at the front). I spotted a line up of clients to the left. There was an employee standing against the wall. Was he the one I could pay for this overpriced item? I decided to text my husband to ask if he wanted me to spend $25 on a charger. As I stood there texting my husband, I could hear the same gentleman in the centre of the store talking to clients. They would ask him for help with their technology. He would look down and say he could help them in one hour and 45 minutes. Some couldn't wait that long so the employee would suggest they book an appointment for another day. To my surprise, most of the clients just accepted the fact that they would need to take what they could get, they booked appointments for one hour and 45 minutes later. Maybe they would buy a snack or shop, read a good book perhaps until it was their turn.
The most frustrating part about it is that there are plenty of employees in the store and they do not appear to be busy. Unfortunately, their role is to sell big items so if you need help working on or fixing items you already own, you'll just need to wait. This is the opposite of everything I have learned about customer service. Here is what should happen:
1-A customer enters your store
2-You greet the customer and offer to help
3-You answer their questions, show them products (even cheap products), explain how it works, tell them the price and any pertinent information
4-If the client decides to buy something, you ring them through and thank them for their business
5-If they don't buy anything, you are still present and helpful and wish them a good day as they leave the store
6-When clients need help with a product they have purchased from your store, you do your best to help them and, if you are lacking information, you contact someone else who might have an answer or you provide that contact information to your client
In my opinion, the store should be organized in a way that makes it easy for clients to find what they are looking for and, the staff should be trained to ensure the client's experience is pleasant, that way the client will want to return and perhaps bring more clients with them next time they visit your store. In this day and age when there is so much competition in the business world, you have got to take care of your clients. The Apple Store at Bayshore failed, big time to meet the minimal standards of customer service.
By the way, I was able to purchase a charging cord at the Dollar Store for $3 just a few hours later. I walked over to the clearly identified cash register, was served by a friendly employee and my phone is now fully charged.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
It has been a very busy weekend and I have neglected my blog. When you have people visiting, it is hard to disappear so you can write a blog. I will always choose people over technology.
Speaking about technology and the need to put people first, I had an interesting experience on Friday. I drove to Bayshore to pick up my mother for the weekend. I needed to buy new chargers so I asked her to meet me at the Apple Store on the main floor.
I walked into the store and asked a man standing in the centre of the store, facing the entrance where I could buy chargers for iPhone 6s. He briskly walked over to a wall and spoke very rapidly. There are two choices, one costs $25 and the other costs $35. The difference is the length if the cord. I stood, facing a wall of cords as he rushed back to his post. My husband had led me to believe they were cheaper than that but we needed a charger as our phone batteries had not been charging properly for nearly a week. I was driving through a snow storm at one point with a dead phone, worried that I would need to call my husband. So I took the charging cord and headed to the back of the store where employees stood behind a desk. There were line ups of customers so I got in line. When it was finally my turn, the employee smiled and said if I wanted to purchase something, one of his colleagues at the front of the store, would be happy to help me.
I turned around and scanned the busy store for someone other than the guy who led me to the wall of cords earlier (he stood at the centre of the store, not at the front). I spotted a line up of clients to the left. There was an employee standing against the wall. Was he the one I could pay for this overpriced item? I decided to text my husband to ask if he wanted me to spend $25 on a charger. As I stood there texting my husband, I could hear the same gentleman in the centre of the store talking to clients. They would ask him for help with their technology. He would look down and say he could help them in one hour and 45 minutes. Some couldn't wait that long so the employee would suggest they book an appointment for another day. To my surprise, most of the clients just accepted the fact that they would need to take what they could get, they booked appointments for one hour and 45 minutes later. Maybe they would buy a snack or shop, read a good book perhaps until it was their turn.
The most frustrating part about it is that there are plenty of employees in the store and they do not appear to be busy. Unfortunately, their role is to sell big items so if you need help working on or fixing items you already own, you'll just need to wait. This is the opposite of everything I have learned about customer service. Here is what should happen:
1-A customer enters your store
2-You greet the customer and offer to help
3-You answer their questions, show them products (even cheap products), explain how it works, tell them the price and any pertinent information
4-If the client decides to buy something, you ring them through and thank them for their business
5-If they don't buy anything, you are still present and helpful and wish them a good day as they leave the store
6-When clients need help with a product they have purchased from your store, you do your best to help them and, if you are lacking information, you contact someone else who might have an answer or you provide that contact information to your client
In my opinion, the store should be organized in a way that makes it easy for clients to find what they are looking for and, the staff should be trained to ensure the client's experience is pleasant, that way the client will want to return and perhaps bring more clients with them next time they visit your store. In this day and age when there is so much competition in the business world, you have got to take care of your clients. The Apple Store at Bayshore failed, big time to meet the minimal standards of customer service.
By the way, I was able to purchase a charging cord at the Dollar Store for $3 just a few hours later. I walked over to the clearly identified cash register, was served by a friendly employee and my phone is now fully charged.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday 18 February 2016
Book of the Week: Girls on the Edge-Part 2
February 18th, 2016
Girls on the Edge is truly an extraordinary book. I wrote about the first half of the book last week where the author, Leonard Sax, describes the challenges faced by today's teenage girls. In the second part of the book, we look at how parents can help their daughters develop into healthy, well-adjusted women. There are three chapters, each devoted to the development of a different aspect of girls: mind, body and spirit. I have learned so much as a parent and as a woman.
In the chapter on the development of our daughters' minds, Dr. Sax warns us that we are rushing our children to learn too much, too quickly. He refers to the classic music we play while our baby is in utero and the flash cards so children are ready for kindergarten. He makes a compelling case for postponing formal education. He suggests that we spend more time with children outdoor, learning through hands-on experiences rather than from reading about life in books. He believes that pushing children to learn in a formal setting before the age of seven is detrimental. They are not developmentally ready to sit still and listen for hours and they start to associate school and learning as a boring chore. He quotes research that demonstrates that children who are taught formally too early, learn in order to please others and are less likely to learn actively or read for fun. His tips for parents, other than postponing their schooling and exploring the real world outdoor is to buy simple toys that stimulate the imagination and force children to interact with their environment (nothing with button or a screen), think "dump trunk". When your seven year old is ready for school, you are encouraged to look for schools with lots of unstructured time, outdoor learning and physical activity that promote curiosity and creativity. The author then explains the importance of all-girls schools especially once they reach puberty because the way girls learn is different than the way boys learn. Also, girls do better academically in an all-girls environment because they are not distracted by the presence of boys. Research found that girls in all-girls schools based their self-esteem on the way they act more than on the way they look. This doesn't mean boys and girls never see each other. The schools can organize opportunities for both genders to mingle without any pressure so they learn to work together and interact. One of the most important elements of an all-girls school is to have teachers who really care about the students and make time to get to know them personally. There can even be a "tattle box" where girls can write a note to the teacher. A second box can also be available for "secret compliments" if someone wants to compliment another student. Bullying among girls is dealt with from day one. There is a discussion about rules, a contract is typed up and all students sign it. The contract is displayed in the class and if anyone breaks one of the rules, an appropriate consequence is enforced. Having caring teachers who are trained to present curriculum in a way that engages girls, helps them enjoy learning and develop their minds.
In the chapter on the development of the body, we learn about some of the factors that create a belief that boys are better at sports and keeps girls from participating in physical education and sports. Again, boys and girls are different, boys are better at "targeting moving objects in space", girls are better "at tasks that require balance". Most of the games played in school (soccer, volleyball, basketball), promote the boys' skill set, not the girls'. Another factor is that boys overestimate their skills at sports and boast about them. Girls are more realistic therefore, they believe the boys when they brag about their competence. More girls play sports but most coaches are men. This is a third factor that promotes the belief that sports are more for boys because the experts are men. Once again, the approach for girls and boys differ. Girls may not be as concerned about winning. They may prefer to learn and develop their skills. If a male coach is very competitive, doesn't play a girl because he wants to win or prefers another player because she is more competitive, chances are, the girl will stop enjoying the sport and may stop playing. Girls are also at a higher risk of injury because her muscles are not developed the same way as the boys. If the coach is unaware of this and does identical warm-ups for both genders, the girls may end up with an injury. It's best for girls to play a variety of sports so they are not always using the same muscles. Concussions don't meet the same criteria in girls as they do in boys therefore girls can have a concussion and go undiagnosed. As a parent, it's important to choose physical activities our daughters like. If she doesn't like team sports, she may prefer yoga, martial arts or kayaking. It's important to keep her active but equally crucial to ensure she is enjoying the activity. Again, having all-girls physical education is better for girls after puberty. Otherwise, they are less likely to play against boys. When they do play in a co-ed class they are less likely to show off their skills and more inclined to sit and watch.
The third chapter about spirit was my favourite. Many people from our generation have moved away from organized religion so when teen girls explore religion and spirituality, we may feel anxious or out of our depth. However, it's normal for girls to start asking questions as they reach puberty about what they believe, why they are here and, what they are doing with their life. Parents have the biggest influence in helping girls find the answers to those questions. Simultaneously, a girl's sexuality is awakening. If she doesn't find her way spiritually, she may turn to sexuality. This leads to disappointment as girls pursue the wrong guy or get too invested in early relationships giving away their control to boys. Spiritually, they need to balance their feminine and masculine energy and decide how to express these aspects of themselves. This process is important but we are busy convincing them and ourselves that there is no difference, we are all the same, so they don't get the guidance they need to find the perfect blend that is unique to them. Instead, they are exposed to media images of what is feminine and masculine which are superficial. If they turn their back on spirituality and dive into sexuality at an early age, they realize that it can not fill them up at the core. They still feel empty. They haven't learned to become a woman. The author lists so many benefits for girls who belong to a religious or spiritual group, I will not list them all but there are numerous advantages. One major bonus of these groups is that girls spend time with multiple generations of women and feel like they belong to a community. We have an important role to play in developing our daughters' spirituality. This can involve praying together, attending services, meditating or communing with nature. Developing a girl's spirit will help her get through difficult times and provide a sense of purpose for her life. Having some time to be quiet, to discuss her beliefs and yours, to be grateful and to feel connected to something greater will help her develop her spirit. Girls need a community of women of various ages to show them what it means to be a woman. They need to see these women regularly. Teenagers these days have more knowledge than they need but it's only in communities of women that they can learn the wisdom that is essential to become their own woman.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Girls on the Edge is truly an extraordinary book. I wrote about the first half of the book last week where the author, Leonard Sax, describes the challenges faced by today's teenage girls. In the second part of the book, we look at how parents can help their daughters develop into healthy, well-adjusted women. There are three chapters, each devoted to the development of a different aspect of girls: mind, body and spirit. I have learned so much as a parent and as a woman.
In the chapter on the development of our daughters' minds, Dr. Sax warns us that we are rushing our children to learn too much, too quickly. He refers to the classic music we play while our baby is in utero and the flash cards so children are ready for kindergarten. He makes a compelling case for postponing formal education. He suggests that we spend more time with children outdoor, learning through hands-on experiences rather than from reading about life in books. He believes that pushing children to learn in a formal setting before the age of seven is detrimental. They are not developmentally ready to sit still and listen for hours and they start to associate school and learning as a boring chore. He quotes research that demonstrates that children who are taught formally too early, learn in order to please others and are less likely to learn actively or read for fun. His tips for parents, other than postponing their schooling and exploring the real world outdoor is to buy simple toys that stimulate the imagination and force children to interact with their environment (nothing with button or a screen), think "dump trunk". When your seven year old is ready for school, you are encouraged to look for schools with lots of unstructured time, outdoor learning and physical activity that promote curiosity and creativity. The author then explains the importance of all-girls schools especially once they reach puberty because the way girls learn is different than the way boys learn. Also, girls do better academically in an all-girls environment because they are not distracted by the presence of boys. Research found that girls in all-girls schools based their self-esteem on the way they act more than on the way they look. This doesn't mean boys and girls never see each other. The schools can organize opportunities for both genders to mingle without any pressure so they learn to work together and interact. One of the most important elements of an all-girls school is to have teachers who really care about the students and make time to get to know them personally. There can even be a "tattle box" where girls can write a note to the teacher. A second box can also be available for "secret compliments" if someone wants to compliment another student. Bullying among girls is dealt with from day one. There is a discussion about rules, a contract is typed up and all students sign it. The contract is displayed in the class and if anyone breaks one of the rules, an appropriate consequence is enforced. Having caring teachers who are trained to present curriculum in a way that engages girls, helps them enjoy learning and develop their minds.
In the chapter on the development of the body, we learn about some of the factors that create a belief that boys are better at sports and keeps girls from participating in physical education and sports. Again, boys and girls are different, boys are better at "targeting moving objects in space", girls are better "at tasks that require balance". Most of the games played in school (soccer, volleyball, basketball), promote the boys' skill set, not the girls'. Another factor is that boys overestimate their skills at sports and boast about them. Girls are more realistic therefore, they believe the boys when they brag about their competence. More girls play sports but most coaches are men. This is a third factor that promotes the belief that sports are more for boys because the experts are men. Once again, the approach for girls and boys differ. Girls may not be as concerned about winning. They may prefer to learn and develop their skills. If a male coach is very competitive, doesn't play a girl because he wants to win or prefers another player because she is more competitive, chances are, the girl will stop enjoying the sport and may stop playing. Girls are also at a higher risk of injury because her muscles are not developed the same way as the boys. If the coach is unaware of this and does identical warm-ups for both genders, the girls may end up with an injury. It's best for girls to play a variety of sports so they are not always using the same muscles. Concussions don't meet the same criteria in girls as they do in boys therefore girls can have a concussion and go undiagnosed. As a parent, it's important to choose physical activities our daughters like. If she doesn't like team sports, she may prefer yoga, martial arts or kayaking. It's important to keep her active but equally crucial to ensure she is enjoying the activity. Again, having all-girls physical education is better for girls after puberty. Otherwise, they are less likely to play against boys. When they do play in a co-ed class they are less likely to show off their skills and more inclined to sit and watch.
The third chapter about spirit was my favourite. Many people from our generation have moved away from organized religion so when teen girls explore religion and spirituality, we may feel anxious or out of our depth. However, it's normal for girls to start asking questions as they reach puberty about what they believe, why they are here and, what they are doing with their life. Parents have the biggest influence in helping girls find the answers to those questions. Simultaneously, a girl's sexuality is awakening. If she doesn't find her way spiritually, she may turn to sexuality. This leads to disappointment as girls pursue the wrong guy or get too invested in early relationships giving away their control to boys. Spiritually, they need to balance their feminine and masculine energy and decide how to express these aspects of themselves. This process is important but we are busy convincing them and ourselves that there is no difference, we are all the same, so they don't get the guidance they need to find the perfect blend that is unique to them. Instead, they are exposed to media images of what is feminine and masculine which are superficial. If they turn their back on spirituality and dive into sexuality at an early age, they realize that it can not fill them up at the core. They still feel empty. They haven't learned to become a woman. The author lists so many benefits for girls who belong to a religious or spiritual group, I will not list them all but there are numerous advantages. One major bonus of these groups is that girls spend time with multiple generations of women and feel like they belong to a community. We have an important role to play in developing our daughters' spirituality. This can involve praying together, attending services, meditating or communing with nature. Developing a girl's spirit will help her get through difficult times and provide a sense of purpose for her life. Having some time to be quiet, to discuss her beliefs and yours, to be grateful and to feel connected to something greater will help her develop her spirit. Girls need a community of women of various ages to show them what it means to be a woman. They need to see these women regularly. Teenagers these days have more knowledge than they need but it's only in communities of women that they can learn the wisdom that is essential to become their own woman.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday 17 February 2016
The Cost of Winter
February 17th, 2016
Today was the second snow day for our girls. Looking out my window, I am thinking the buses may be cancelled tomorrow as well. I was born in Ottawa and, every year, I expect the snow, the cold, the damp, the icy roads etc. However, in recent years, as I have traveled to Mexico and Florida with my family, I have been exposed to another way of life.
What strikes me is how much healthier our lifestyle becomes when we live in a warm climate. I have always favoured fruit and veggies over meat. Vincent, with his love of meat and barbecuing has increased my intake of protein considerably.
Every time we go away, my skin gets moist, my curls become softer and I have loads of energy. As a family, we get more exercise and eat loads of fresh food. Sometimes we can even pick fruit from a tree on the property. I don't have to force the children to go outdoors. From the moment they wake up, we are in the pool. The variety of produce at the store is exciting. Mangoes, juicy oranges, pineapple, deep pink watermelon and sweet papaya are among the array of fruit available on a daily basis. We feast on fresh food then walk to the beach. We remove our shoes and walk barefoot in the sand. We jump into the waves of the ocean and chase each other up and down the beach. We might build a sand castle or bury someone, usually my husband, in the sand. We walk home and jump into the pool again until supper time. We generally eat outdoors as a family, talking about our day, maybe making plans for the next day.
We are the same family here, now. However, our lives look very different. Obviously we are on holidays when we are away so we have lots of time together to relax. It's not just the pace of our vacation though. It's the fact that we have choices. This may be different for families who love the cold and are active throughout the winter. That is NOT us. We hate the cold. We don't ski and, even though we enjoy sledding and skating at the municipal centre, we rarely stay out very long. We are happiest when we are warm and if we don't need to wear layers of clothes to stay warm.
Back to our choices. When you live in a warm climate, you have more choices re: what food to eat because the growing season is not limited by winter weather. You get more vitamin D from the sun daily. You are more connected to the earth because you can walk in the woods, swim in the ocean, stroll down the beach and generally spend more time outdoors. You can also grow your own fruit and veggies. These are all choices. In this climate, many of us hibernate during the winter and choose the best looking produce out of the reduced selection available to us. We have less energy because we are exposed to less light every day.
So far this year, it had been quite mild. We were struck by the money we saved on heating (natural gas and wood) as well as the fact that clients were able to get to us for their appointments which means no loss of revenue from having to shuffle clients around. We spent less money on ploughing as well. Winter is costly, not just from a maintenance perspective but from a physical (dry skin, brittle hair, the flu, vitamin deficiency, fatigue), emotional (seasonal depression, cabin fever) and social (afraid to drive places, too cold to get out, hibernating) perspective. You see the social aspect in the spring when we get that first warm day and everything starts thawing. People are out, feeling energetic, wearing flip flops and shorts, sitting on patios, willing spring to take hold and stay.
Every year, we reach a point when we ask ourselves: "Why do we live here, in this cold climate?" It took us longer to get there this year because we had such a mild winter but, sure enough, we have arrived. I love living in our home, this neighbourhood, the awesome people who live here, the friendliness of Canadians, the cleanliness and safety I feel here. It's a great place to raise children. I guess I'd just like to skip one season, or a big chunk of it, every year. Somehow, I don't think I'm alone. :)
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today was the second snow day for our girls. Looking out my window, I am thinking the buses may be cancelled tomorrow as well. I was born in Ottawa and, every year, I expect the snow, the cold, the damp, the icy roads etc. However, in recent years, as I have traveled to Mexico and Florida with my family, I have been exposed to another way of life.
What strikes me is how much healthier our lifestyle becomes when we live in a warm climate. I have always favoured fruit and veggies over meat. Vincent, with his love of meat and barbecuing has increased my intake of protein considerably.
Every time we go away, my skin gets moist, my curls become softer and I have loads of energy. As a family, we get more exercise and eat loads of fresh food. Sometimes we can even pick fruit from a tree on the property. I don't have to force the children to go outdoors. From the moment they wake up, we are in the pool. The variety of produce at the store is exciting. Mangoes, juicy oranges, pineapple, deep pink watermelon and sweet papaya are among the array of fruit available on a daily basis. We feast on fresh food then walk to the beach. We remove our shoes and walk barefoot in the sand. We jump into the waves of the ocean and chase each other up and down the beach. We might build a sand castle or bury someone, usually my husband, in the sand. We walk home and jump into the pool again until supper time. We generally eat outdoors as a family, talking about our day, maybe making plans for the next day.
We are the same family here, now. However, our lives look very different. Obviously we are on holidays when we are away so we have lots of time together to relax. It's not just the pace of our vacation though. It's the fact that we have choices. This may be different for families who love the cold and are active throughout the winter. That is NOT us. We hate the cold. We don't ski and, even though we enjoy sledding and skating at the municipal centre, we rarely stay out very long. We are happiest when we are warm and if we don't need to wear layers of clothes to stay warm.
Back to our choices. When you live in a warm climate, you have more choices re: what food to eat because the growing season is not limited by winter weather. You get more vitamin D from the sun daily. You are more connected to the earth because you can walk in the woods, swim in the ocean, stroll down the beach and generally spend more time outdoors. You can also grow your own fruit and veggies. These are all choices. In this climate, many of us hibernate during the winter and choose the best looking produce out of the reduced selection available to us. We have less energy because we are exposed to less light every day.
So far this year, it had been quite mild. We were struck by the money we saved on heating (natural gas and wood) as well as the fact that clients were able to get to us for their appointments which means no loss of revenue from having to shuffle clients around. We spent less money on ploughing as well. Winter is costly, not just from a maintenance perspective but from a physical (dry skin, brittle hair, the flu, vitamin deficiency, fatigue), emotional (seasonal depression, cabin fever) and social (afraid to drive places, too cold to get out, hibernating) perspective. You see the social aspect in the spring when we get that first warm day and everything starts thawing. People are out, feeling energetic, wearing flip flops and shorts, sitting on patios, willing spring to take hold and stay.
Every year, we reach a point when we ask ourselves: "Why do we live here, in this cold climate?" It took us longer to get there this year because we had such a mild winter but, sure enough, we have arrived. I love living in our home, this neighbourhood, the awesome people who live here, the friendliness of Canadians, the cleanliness and safety I feel here. It's a great place to raise children. I guess I'd just like to skip one season, or a big chunk of it, every year. Somehow, I don't think I'm alone. :)
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday 16 February 2016
Anxiety
February 16th, 2016
Anxiety is on the rise, among men and women and, noticeably, in children and teenagers. I meet with many women who suffer from crippling levels of anxiety but their loved ones have no idea. They hide their anxiety or numb it with pills and alcohol. They think there is something wrong with them. "Why am I so anxious? I've always been the strong one. What is wrong with me?"
Each person perceives the anxiety to be a personal weakness. They guard this secret and cover it up. The thing is, it's normal to feel anxious. That is, when you are living in a fast-paced, demanding world, multi-tasking and over-scheduling yourself, it is normal to feel anxiety. As adults, we have become accustomed to drinking caffeine in order to keep functioning. We feel tired at the end of the day, rightfully so, but our work isn't over, we still need to prepare for the next day or finish a report.
Children don't have caffeine. They try to keep up with our pace, hurrying into the car, eating on the road, going from swim class to hockey. As they rush around, they feel stressed. They may experience anxiety about getting through homework, managing their many activities, witnessing conflicts between their parents or fighting with siblings. They are also bombarded by images and messages in the media. As they spend time surfing the internet alone, they are exposed to content that is not age-appropriate. They see skinny models and think that is what they are supposed to look like. They start trying to look older. They watch teenager sitcoms and think that is how teenagers are supposed to behave. They try out obnoxious behaviours prematurely in order to feel grown up and fit in. When the pressures accumulate, children and teenagers lash out in anger or in tears. They are overwhelmed.
When I visit classrooms to discuss mental health and stress management, I hear about the various stressors faced by today's children. They are expected to sit in class for hours at a time and learn. However, they may be hungry, stressed, scared or tired. To make things worse, they may not have any adults in their lives to support them and teach them how to deal with their stress. They feel alone. Some schools teach tips to handle their stress and emotions but it is not a priority, it may be one special class or a week of information.
If children look at their parents to learn how to manage stress, they may not be much further ahead. Many of us are overwhelmed as well. We are busy and exhausted, trying to juggle all responsibilities. We may lash out at our children in frustration or from there exhaustion. So what can we do?
1-Prioritize the many activities in our day so we know where to focus our attention and energy
2-Reduce the amount of items on our to-do list so it is realistic
3-Assess whether the activities we participate in are meaningful to us and cut down on the amount of demands on our time
4-Make space for uninterrupted family time: no phones, e-mails or tv
5-Slow down and include enjoyment in your day, not just duties and chores
6-Perform a self-care ritual such as reading, meditating, having a bath, going to yoga class
7-Share your stress-management tips with your children: progressive relaxation, meditation, prayer, breathing, yoga, journalling, art, exercise etc
8-Include friends in your schedule, it's good to go out and talk to your friends
9-Don't over schedule your day or your children's day
10-Talk about the feeling of anxiety with your loved ones, including your children so they are able to talk about their anxiety as well. They can see that they are not alone.
My favourite ways to deal with my stress include going to the gym, having a hot shower, writing in my journal, praying, dancing, singing out loud, drawing or painting. What works with my daughters is playing a relaxation cd when they go to bed, lots of cuddles, making up stories together before bed, petting the animals, drawing and writing stories in their journal and talking about what is worrying them.
Knowing that others experience anxiety, that it will pass, that there are things you can do to help yourself move through the anxiety and that you are supported by loved ones, all helps anxiety feel more manageable.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Anxiety is on the rise, among men and women and, noticeably, in children and teenagers. I meet with many women who suffer from crippling levels of anxiety but their loved ones have no idea. They hide their anxiety or numb it with pills and alcohol. They think there is something wrong with them. "Why am I so anxious? I've always been the strong one. What is wrong with me?"
Each person perceives the anxiety to be a personal weakness. They guard this secret and cover it up. The thing is, it's normal to feel anxious. That is, when you are living in a fast-paced, demanding world, multi-tasking and over-scheduling yourself, it is normal to feel anxiety. As adults, we have become accustomed to drinking caffeine in order to keep functioning. We feel tired at the end of the day, rightfully so, but our work isn't over, we still need to prepare for the next day or finish a report.
Children don't have caffeine. They try to keep up with our pace, hurrying into the car, eating on the road, going from swim class to hockey. As they rush around, they feel stressed. They may experience anxiety about getting through homework, managing their many activities, witnessing conflicts between their parents or fighting with siblings. They are also bombarded by images and messages in the media. As they spend time surfing the internet alone, they are exposed to content that is not age-appropriate. They see skinny models and think that is what they are supposed to look like. They start trying to look older. They watch teenager sitcoms and think that is how teenagers are supposed to behave. They try out obnoxious behaviours prematurely in order to feel grown up and fit in. When the pressures accumulate, children and teenagers lash out in anger or in tears. They are overwhelmed.
When I visit classrooms to discuss mental health and stress management, I hear about the various stressors faced by today's children. They are expected to sit in class for hours at a time and learn. However, they may be hungry, stressed, scared or tired. To make things worse, they may not have any adults in their lives to support them and teach them how to deal with their stress. They feel alone. Some schools teach tips to handle their stress and emotions but it is not a priority, it may be one special class or a week of information.
If children look at their parents to learn how to manage stress, they may not be much further ahead. Many of us are overwhelmed as well. We are busy and exhausted, trying to juggle all responsibilities. We may lash out at our children in frustration or from there exhaustion. So what can we do?
1-Prioritize the many activities in our day so we know where to focus our attention and energy
2-Reduce the amount of items on our to-do list so it is realistic
3-Assess whether the activities we participate in are meaningful to us and cut down on the amount of demands on our time
4-Make space for uninterrupted family time: no phones, e-mails or tv
5-Slow down and include enjoyment in your day, not just duties and chores
6-Perform a self-care ritual such as reading, meditating, having a bath, going to yoga class
7-Share your stress-management tips with your children: progressive relaxation, meditation, prayer, breathing, yoga, journalling, art, exercise etc
8-Include friends in your schedule, it's good to go out and talk to your friends
9-Don't over schedule your day or your children's day
10-Talk about the feeling of anxiety with your loved ones, including your children so they are able to talk about their anxiety as well. They can see that they are not alone.
My favourite ways to deal with my stress include going to the gym, having a hot shower, writing in my journal, praying, dancing, singing out loud, drawing or painting. What works with my daughters is playing a relaxation cd when they go to bed, lots of cuddles, making up stories together before bed, petting the animals, drawing and writing stories in their journal and talking about what is worrying them.
Knowing that others experience anxiety, that it will pass, that there are things you can do to help yourself move through the anxiety and that you are supported by loved ones, all helps anxiety feel more manageable.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday 15 February 2016
Clutter
February 15th 2015
Today was family day and I enjoyed spending time with my husband and our two amazing daughters. We ate lunch at a restaurant, prepared for our trip to Florida, finished homework, had supper together, made construction paper hockey jerseys for their barbies as well as a fake arena, all fun. Now everyone has gone to bed and I see all the messes around the house. I have a choice, do I go to bed and deal with it in the morning or, do I stay up an hour later and clean this place up?
Clutter isn't just about the baskets of laundry, piles of paper, stacks of pots and pans, mountains of stuffed toys and bundles of shoes you see as you walk through the house. It's the mental fatigue that comes with seeing everything. It's knowing that it can't stay like this. It takes so much energy to walk past the mess day in and day out and transfer it to tomorrow's to-do list because you ran out of time today.
These days we have loads of articles in magazines, entire books even, devoted to managing the clutter or simplifying your life by getting rid of excess. There are professionals who can help to cut through the clutter and organize your chaos. Here are some of the tips I have read about in the past:
1-If you haven't used an item in the course of a year, donate it
2-For items that you only use on special occasions, like Christmas decorations, buy tupperware bins and label them
3-Divide your home into areas according to the activities you do in each room: cook, eat, sleep, shower, work etc and organize your items to reflect each zone of activity
4-Only keep the items you use daily within reach. Find a storage solution for everything else. You use your toaster every day but not your steamer or food processor therefore, they shouldn't be on the counter
5-Make storage part of your decor by using beautiful woven baskets or shelving made out of barn board and old plumbing pipes
If you are feeling stuck in your life, de-cluttering is a great way to get energy flowing again. It can be really hard to think in a cluttered room. When my children were young, we had a toy room on the email floor and, periodically, I would de-clutter the room and remove toys that were not being used. As soon as the toy room was clean, the girls would be so excited to play with their toys. They had less toys but they could see everything.
The same is true at the office. If your desk is covered with piles of paper, you can't find anything, you're embarrassed when others see your space and, you can't get anything done. Sorting all the papers into piles and filing them so they are out of sight is energizing. It feels good to have a clear, organized work surface where everything you need is within reach and everything else has its place.
Sometimes, we just have too much stuff. It is heavy to be surrounded by excess. Making life simple means donating clothing that no longer fits or suits your style, shredding documents that are ten years old, recycling empty bottles of shampoo and body lotion (you know the drawer full of bottles with an inch of liquid at the bottom), discarding pieces of paper with grocery lists etc. On a bigger scale, it can mean downsizing. There is a trend right now with people living in "tiny houses" where they only have space for necessities.
Having less in each room creates a calm, simple, open and relaxing ambiance. When you walk into a de-cluttered room, you feel light and serene, every item has a place and a function. There is room for people. You can rest and enjoy the space because your attention is not distracted by the clutter that needs to be organized.
Moving or breaking up from a long term relationship can be perfect opportunities to de-clutter. It feels so good to lighten the load as you get rid of items you don't like or don't need. De-cluttering is an emotional experience. As you sift through your belongings, you are sure to find old photos or receipts, letters and birthday cards. Letting go of old items can help you make space for new adventures or simply grieve the past.
If you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of de-cluttering your home, consider having a de-clutter support group. You can take turns going to each other's homes and undertaking one room at a time. Others are not attached to your things and can help you see that it's time to say goodbye. If a party is not your style, try to work on one space per month (kitchen, living room, bedroom, washroom). Keep a garbage bag in that room for the month. Every time you see something you no longer want or use, toss it into the bag. What is left by the end of the month gets a space assigned to it.
My goal is to de-clutter my home by March Break. Who is with me? Happy de-cluttering!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today was family day and I enjoyed spending time with my husband and our two amazing daughters. We ate lunch at a restaurant, prepared for our trip to Florida, finished homework, had supper together, made construction paper hockey jerseys for their barbies as well as a fake arena, all fun. Now everyone has gone to bed and I see all the messes around the house. I have a choice, do I go to bed and deal with it in the morning or, do I stay up an hour later and clean this place up?
Clutter isn't just about the baskets of laundry, piles of paper, stacks of pots and pans, mountains of stuffed toys and bundles of shoes you see as you walk through the house. It's the mental fatigue that comes with seeing everything. It's knowing that it can't stay like this. It takes so much energy to walk past the mess day in and day out and transfer it to tomorrow's to-do list because you ran out of time today.
These days we have loads of articles in magazines, entire books even, devoted to managing the clutter or simplifying your life by getting rid of excess. There are professionals who can help to cut through the clutter and organize your chaos. Here are some of the tips I have read about in the past:
1-If you haven't used an item in the course of a year, donate it
2-For items that you only use on special occasions, like Christmas decorations, buy tupperware bins and label them
3-Divide your home into areas according to the activities you do in each room: cook, eat, sleep, shower, work etc and organize your items to reflect each zone of activity
4-Only keep the items you use daily within reach. Find a storage solution for everything else. You use your toaster every day but not your steamer or food processor therefore, they shouldn't be on the counter
5-Make storage part of your decor by using beautiful woven baskets or shelving made out of barn board and old plumbing pipes
If you are feeling stuck in your life, de-cluttering is a great way to get energy flowing again. It can be really hard to think in a cluttered room. When my children were young, we had a toy room on the email floor and, periodically, I would de-clutter the room and remove toys that were not being used. As soon as the toy room was clean, the girls would be so excited to play with their toys. They had less toys but they could see everything.
The same is true at the office. If your desk is covered with piles of paper, you can't find anything, you're embarrassed when others see your space and, you can't get anything done. Sorting all the papers into piles and filing them so they are out of sight is energizing. It feels good to have a clear, organized work surface where everything you need is within reach and everything else has its place.
Sometimes, we just have too much stuff. It is heavy to be surrounded by excess. Making life simple means donating clothing that no longer fits or suits your style, shredding documents that are ten years old, recycling empty bottles of shampoo and body lotion (you know the drawer full of bottles with an inch of liquid at the bottom), discarding pieces of paper with grocery lists etc. On a bigger scale, it can mean downsizing. There is a trend right now with people living in "tiny houses" where they only have space for necessities.
Having less in each room creates a calm, simple, open and relaxing ambiance. When you walk into a de-cluttered room, you feel light and serene, every item has a place and a function. There is room for people. You can rest and enjoy the space because your attention is not distracted by the clutter that needs to be organized.
Moving or breaking up from a long term relationship can be perfect opportunities to de-clutter. It feels so good to lighten the load as you get rid of items you don't like or don't need. De-cluttering is an emotional experience. As you sift through your belongings, you are sure to find old photos or receipts, letters and birthday cards. Letting go of old items can help you make space for new adventures or simply grieve the past.
If you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of de-cluttering your home, consider having a de-clutter support group. You can take turns going to each other's homes and undertaking one room at a time. Others are not attached to your things and can help you see that it's time to say goodbye. If a party is not your style, try to work on one space per month (kitchen, living room, bedroom, washroom). Keep a garbage bag in that room for the month. Every time you see something you no longer want or use, toss it into the bag. What is left by the end of the month gets a space assigned to it.
My goal is to de-clutter my home by March Break. Who is with me? Happy de-cluttering!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday 14 February 2016
Love in Long Term Care
February 14th, 2016
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
We associate Valentine's Day with romance, couples who are madly in love. We have all these ideas about what that love looks like: a romantic dinner, flowers, hot new lingerie and wild sex, holding hands, kissing, hugging, snuggling in front of a roaring fireplace, drinking champagne...roll the footage. I'd like to share some stories of real love I witnessed in long term care.
The nursing staff and personal support workers love their residents. They know them intimately and care for them every day. Despite a lot of media attention on staff who are abusive to residents, the majority of the staff I knew were caring individuals who went beyond the call of duty to ensure their residents were comfortable and happy. I have watched big, beefy men hold the hand of a frail elderly lady while feeding her at lunch time. She eats really slowly and has to stop often because she gets tired or chokes on her food. I see him rub her back, take his time and chat with her as he would with his own mom.
What about the nurse who is walking around the lounge of the locked unit? She is administering meds. Most of these residents are non-verbal. They look bored and withdrawn. She plays music and waltzes with the residents and she makes her way across the room. They are happy to see this nurse and their faces light up as she dances with them or teases them.
The maintenance worker who stops working and sits next to a lonely elderly man. He is anxious and rubs his hands together. He says he feels useless and has nothing to do. The maintenance worker says he needs company. The elderly man walks with him as he cleans, they talk about hockey, travelling, children, music. I hear them laughing down the hall. Once a week, this employee stays late to play cards in this resident's room.
The ladies at reception who take a moment to hear all about a resident's worries about her family. One resident needs new underwear but her son, who uses her money to support his drinking habit, won't pay for them. The ladies each pitch in and put money into her account so she can order new underwear from a catalogue.
The recreation staff who celebrate every birthday, help residents feel included and provide fun activities every day so residents have something to look forward to when they get out of bed every day. They bring a sweater so the resident won't be cold, they hold onto the walker as they stroll down the hall so the resident won't walk too fast and fall down, they involve family members so they visit more often and they organize activities that are meaningful to their residents.
I have watched elderly couples who have been through so much together. Theirs is a tender love: a peck on the cheek, holding hands, leaving their dessert for the partner who loves sweets, buttoning their partner's sweater because his arthritic fingers make it difficult, pushing the wheelchair to the dining room or to various activities. If the spouse doesn't live at the facility, seeing them come for a visit, bringing a treat, wearing their favorite sweater, helping them eat, taking them out for the day, all done with love and gentleness.
One year, I asked family members to share love stories about their loved ones. The response was immediate. I received stories expressing love for their parents who had loved and cared for them. Some stories were about how the parents met and fell in love. Other stories were about the daughter or sons deep love and respect for his/her parents. There were stories about a resident's love of art or nature, a passion for cooking, airplanes or fashion. The families really came through and each story was framed and hung next to the resident's room. It is beautiful to watch grown men and women be so loving and nurturing with their frail elderly parent. Whether they are feeding them, clothing them for an outing, pulling up a chair or helping them up, it is a beautiful sight.
There was a gentleman who was engaged to a beautiful young woman. She had a stroke and complications. She was admitted into long term care where she would live for the remainder of her life. She wasn't able to speak, she drooled and had to be fed. Her fiancé came to see her every day after work. He often brought her flowers or some kind of treat. They sat in the lounge together, holding hands.
People fear long term care facilities. They see them as cold institutional places but all of these stories happened there. It is where I witnessed love every day of the week.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
We associate Valentine's Day with romance, couples who are madly in love. We have all these ideas about what that love looks like: a romantic dinner, flowers, hot new lingerie and wild sex, holding hands, kissing, hugging, snuggling in front of a roaring fireplace, drinking champagne...roll the footage. I'd like to share some stories of real love I witnessed in long term care.
The nursing staff and personal support workers love their residents. They know them intimately and care for them every day. Despite a lot of media attention on staff who are abusive to residents, the majority of the staff I knew were caring individuals who went beyond the call of duty to ensure their residents were comfortable and happy. I have watched big, beefy men hold the hand of a frail elderly lady while feeding her at lunch time. She eats really slowly and has to stop often because she gets tired or chokes on her food. I see him rub her back, take his time and chat with her as he would with his own mom.
What about the nurse who is walking around the lounge of the locked unit? She is administering meds. Most of these residents are non-verbal. They look bored and withdrawn. She plays music and waltzes with the residents and she makes her way across the room. They are happy to see this nurse and their faces light up as she dances with them or teases them.
The maintenance worker who stops working and sits next to a lonely elderly man. He is anxious and rubs his hands together. He says he feels useless and has nothing to do. The maintenance worker says he needs company. The elderly man walks with him as he cleans, they talk about hockey, travelling, children, music. I hear them laughing down the hall. Once a week, this employee stays late to play cards in this resident's room.
The ladies at reception who take a moment to hear all about a resident's worries about her family. One resident needs new underwear but her son, who uses her money to support his drinking habit, won't pay for them. The ladies each pitch in and put money into her account so she can order new underwear from a catalogue.
The recreation staff who celebrate every birthday, help residents feel included and provide fun activities every day so residents have something to look forward to when they get out of bed every day. They bring a sweater so the resident won't be cold, they hold onto the walker as they stroll down the hall so the resident won't walk too fast and fall down, they involve family members so they visit more often and they organize activities that are meaningful to their residents.
I have watched elderly couples who have been through so much together. Theirs is a tender love: a peck on the cheek, holding hands, leaving their dessert for the partner who loves sweets, buttoning their partner's sweater because his arthritic fingers make it difficult, pushing the wheelchair to the dining room or to various activities. If the spouse doesn't live at the facility, seeing them come for a visit, bringing a treat, wearing their favorite sweater, helping them eat, taking them out for the day, all done with love and gentleness.
One year, I asked family members to share love stories about their loved ones. The response was immediate. I received stories expressing love for their parents who had loved and cared for them. Some stories were about how the parents met and fell in love. Other stories were about the daughter or sons deep love and respect for his/her parents. There were stories about a resident's love of art or nature, a passion for cooking, airplanes or fashion. The families really came through and each story was framed and hung next to the resident's room. It is beautiful to watch grown men and women be so loving and nurturing with their frail elderly parent. Whether they are feeding them, clothing them for an outing, pulling up a chair or helping them up, it is a beautiful sight.
There was a gentleman who was engaged to a beautiful young woman. She had a stroke and complications. She was admitted into long term care where she would live for the remainder of her life. She wasn't able to speak, she drooled and had to be fed. Her fiancé came to see her every day after work. He often brought her flowers or some kind of treat. They sat in the lounge together, holding hands.
People fear long term care facilities. They see them as cold institutional places but all of these stories happened there. It is where I witnessed love every day of the week.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday 12 February 2016
Interview with a 40+ Woman-MT
February 12th, 2016
So far, most of the women I have interviewed are nearing the end of their 40s.I decided to seek out a women who is right at the beginning of this process. MT is forty years old. As I interviewed her I noticed a different feel to our discussion. Initially, she talked about turning 40. The number didn't really phase her. I asked if she felt that anything had changed since she turned 40. She said: "Not really, my life is just as crazy as it has always been". What was interesting to me was the level of awareness that grew as I asked each question. She re-considered her answer later on in the interview. "Actually, I have changed. I take better care of my health, I work out and I eat healthier foods".
MT feels like she is the same person she was before, however, she does feel more confident because she has had more life experience. Asked if she would change anything about her life she said she wishes she could have had her children earlier, she feels that she had them too late in life.
MT is most proud of the woman she has become with all of her life experiences. She is proud of the mother she has become as well. She now understands what it means to be married, to be a parent and have bills to pay. MT doesn't know why women undergo major changes in their forties. She thinks maybe it represents a halfway point and we feel ready for a change, just like men going through their midlife crisis.
Right now, the most important thing for MT is happiness, her own and her family's. She wants her husband and her children to live a happy life. Health is always at the forefront as well. It is more challenging for her to find the time to do things for self-care because her children are still young. However, when she has time, she enjoys meditating, reading Tarot cards, getting out to see a movie or going out for a walk. She enjoys walking in nature especially in the Fall, she hates the cold so she doesn't get out as much in the winter. When she needs comfort, she turns to her husband, her father and a few good friends.
There were questions that MT needed more time to answer. If I get more information, I will add them to this text at a later date. By the end of the interview she confided that she feels like she is in the midst of a transition. She has been in survival mode ever since she had her children. She anticipates many big decisions coming up in the next two to three years. I forwarded the link to this blog to MT. I hope she can gather some comfort from the words of the other 40+ ladies I have interviewed. They have been through this transition and are feeling much happier and leading more balanced lives. That is what I wish for you MT. Best of luck with these very important decisions.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
So far, most of the women I have interviewed are nearing the end of their 40s.I decided to seek out a women who is right at the beginning of this process. MT is forty years old. As I interviewed her I noticed a different feel to our discussion. Initially, she talked about turning 40. The number didn't really phase her. I asked if she felt that anything had changed since she turned 40. She said: "Not really, my life is just as crazy as it has always been". What was interesting to me was the level of awareness that grew as I asked each question. She re-considered her answer later on in the interview. "Actually, I have changed. I take better care of my health, I work out and I eat healthier foods".
MT feels like she is the same person she was before, however, she does feel more confident because she has had more life experience. Asked if she would change anything about her life she said she wishes she could have had her children earlier, she feels that she had them too late in life.
MT is most proud of the woman she has become with all of her life experiences. She is proud of the mother she has become as well. She now understands what it means to be married, to be a parent and have bills to pay. MT doesn't know why women undergo major changes in their forties. She thinks maybe it represents a halfway point and we feel ready for a change, just like men going through their midlife crisis.
Right now, the most important thing for MT is happiness, her own and her family's. She wants her husband and her children to live a happy life. Health is always at the forefront as well. It is more challenging for her to find the time to do things for self-care because her children are still young. However, when she has time, she enjoys meditating, reading Tarot cards, getting out to see a movie or going out for a walk. She enjoys walking in nature especially in the Fall, she hates the cold so she doesn't get out as much in the winter. When she needs comfort, she turns to her husband, her father and a few good friends.
There were questions that MT needed more time to answer. If I get more information, I will add them to this text at a later date. By the end of the interview she confided that she feels like she is in the midst of a transition. She has been in survival mode ever since she had her children. She anticipates many big decisions coming up in the next two to three years. I forwarded the link to this blog to MT. I hope she can gather some comfort from the words of the other 40+ ladies I have interviewed. They have been through this transition and are feeling much happier and leading more balanced lives. That is what I wish for you MT. Best of luck with these very important decisions.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday 11 February 2016
Book of the Week-Girls On The Edge-Part 1
February 11th, 2016
This week's book is really freaking me out. Leonard Sax has authored two books that caught my attention. Boys Adrift is a book about the phenomenon of "lazy boys" who live in a cocoon of video games. All their needs are met and they feel no desire to go beyond their comfortable bedroom to search for anything else.
Girls On The Edge examines what is happening to our girls. As the mother of two girls, this book has me taking notes. I am really taking my time getting through this book and processing the abundance of information. That's why I write "part 1" in the title of this post. So far, I have read about the challenges faced by our daughters. Next week, I will read about the solutions to these challenges and report back for "part 2".
Dr. Sax makes an interesting point. His main message is that girls these days do not develop a sense of who they are. Usually, as you are exposed to your community which involves children of all ages, men and women, you have experiences that shape your perception of who you are. You also have some quiet time to yourself. These days with the crazy, hectic schedules: school, hockey, swimming, gymnastics, dance etc.. girls do not have a lot of unstructured down time. Also, we are less connected as families and as communities. Chances are you don't know your neighbours and you wouldn't feel safe if your daughter was walking alone in your neighbourhood. Children are in school with other kids the same age so there is little interaction with multiple age groups. Opportunities to connect as a family may be reduced as well as everyone struggles to juggle their schedule.
Girls are more likely to identify with one aspect of themselves, like being smart, thin, popular or athletic. They invest all their energy and attention into this one aspect and neglect the development of a core sense of self. Then, if they don't get into a prestigious college, or they gain weight or their friends turn on them, they are lost. They don't know who they are. They have a hole where their core should be. They try to fill the hole with alcohol but it just makes things messier. They are left with anxiety and/or depression.
The author describes four factors that put our daughters at risk. The first one is sexual identity. Our daughters are sexualized at a young age. They dress like older girls so they look older and in some cases participate in sexual behaviours before they are ready. They don't develop a sexual identity because they are sexualized before they even have the desire to be sexual. They become objectified and seek the attention of boys through acting out sexually. They don't believe they need to be in a relationship to have sex, it is seen as something casual. Therefore, they are performing sexual acts in the absence of a relationship. They even make out with other girls in front of boys for their enjoyment.
The second factor is the "cyberbubble". The trend of posting photos on Facebook and bogging about whatever is happening in their life means that many girls are developing a personae rather than a sense of self. They dress up for parties to look good in the photos. They need to stay current so they know what is hot and what is not. Their experiences become all about self-promotion. They become more of a logo than a person. What is important is to keep people interested and to get the "likes". Again, their actions have more to do with pleasing others than with self-expression or personal satisfaction.While they are honing their PR skills, they are not learning how to interact face to face with another person. Social media leaves very little time for breaks, they are always on and are expected to reply quickly. Teenagers belong to their own culture, excluding others who could balance things out for them. If teenagers are on the computer in the privacy of their room, parents could be oblivious to what is happening to their child. Cyberbullying is a real threat. Bullies have access to your daughter 24/7 and can post things that are untrue and hurtful. Lastly, there is the possibility of sexting, where your teenager sends suggestive photos of herself to a boyfriend. These photos can be shared with others and are considered child pornography. She could be charged if she gets caught.
The third factor is "obsessions". These include the cult of thinness promoted by "pro-anorexic" sites, the athlete who ignores her body's pain signals to maintain her competitive edge, the overachiever whose schedule is so full of commitments she doesn't know how to relax and have fun, the party girl who drinks to get "more personality" and, the cutter who enjoys feeling disconnected from her body, removed from the pain. Many teenagers grow up too fast and try to reclaim their childhood when they have grown up.
The fourth factor is "environmental toxins". Dr. Sax examines the link between BPA and phthalates and the early onset of puberty. PETE, BPA and phthalates mimic female hormones in the body causing girls to develop as young as age 7. They are found in plastics, lotions and creams. Early puberty is correlated to an absence of the biological father figure in the household. His pheromones keep her puberty at bay for a few years. There are new medications, Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone Analogs that parents can use to postpone puberty in their daughter if it begins too early. Early puberty is linked to many challenges including anxiety, depression, smoking, drinking and reduced brain flexibility.
As you can see, our daughters are facing many challenges. I don't know about you but reading this book was a bit overwhelming for me. That is why I am eager to read the next half of the book where the author provides suggestions and tips to help parents navigate this obstacle course. I will be back next week with part 2. Stay tuned!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
This week's book is really freaking me out. Leonard Sax has authored two books that caught my attention. Boys Adrift is a book about the phenomenon of "lazy boys" who live in a cocoon of video games. All their needs are met and they feel no desire to go beyond their comfortable bedroom to search for anything else.
Girls On The Edge examines what is happening to our girls. As the mother of two girls, this book has me taking notes. I am really taking my time getting through this book and processing the abundance of information. That's why I write "part 1" in the title of this post. So far, I have read about the challenges faced by our daughters. Next week, I will read about the solutions to these challenges and report back for "part 2".
Dr. Sax makes an interesting point. His main message is that girls these days do not develop a sense of who they are. Usually, as you are exposed to your community which involves children of all ages, men and women, you have experiences that shape your perception of who you are. You also have some quiet time to yourself. These days with the crazy, hectic schedules: school, hockey, swimming, gymnastics, dance etc.. girls do not have a lot of unstructured down time. Also, we are less connected as families and as communities. Chances are you don't know your neighbours and you wouldn't feel safe if your daughter was walking alone in your neighbourhood. Children are in school with other kids the same age so there is little interaction with multiple age groups. Opportunities to connect as a family may be reduced as well as everyone struggles to juggle their schedule.
Girls are more likely to identify with one aspect of themselves, like being smart, thin, popular or athletic. They invest all their energy and attention into this one aspect and neglect the development of a core sense of self. Then, if they don't get into a prestigious college, or they gain weight or their friends turn on them, they are lost. They don't know who they are. They have a hole where their core should be. They try to fill the hole with alcohol but it just makes things messier. They are left with anxiety and/or depression.
The author describes four factors that put our daughters at risk. The first one is sexual identity. Our daughters are sexualized at a young age. They dress like older girls so they look older and in some cases participate in sexual behaviours before they are ready. They don't develop a sexual identity because they are sexualized before they even have the desire to be sexual. They become objectified and seek the attention of boys through acting out sexually. They don't believe they need to be in a relationship to have sex, it is seen as something casual. Therefore, they are performing sexual acts in the absence of a relationship. They even make out with other girls in front of boys for their enjoyment.
The second factor is the "cyberbubble". The trend of posting photos on Facebook and bogging about whatever is happening in their life means that many girls are developing a personae rather than a sense of self. They dress up for parties to look good in the photos. They need to stay current so they know what is hot and what is not. Their experiences become all about self-promotion. They become more of a logo than a person. What is important is to keep people interested and to get the "likes". Again, their actions have more to do with pleasing others than with self-expression or personal satisfaction.While they are honing their PR skills, they are not learning how to interact face to face with another person. Social media leaves very little time for breaks, they are always on and are expected to reply quickly. Teenagers belong to their own culture, excluding others who could balance things out for them. If teenagers are on the computer in the privacy of their room, parents could be oblivious to what is happening to their child. Cyberbullying is a real threat. Bullies have access to your daughter 24/7 and can post things that are untrue and hurtful. Lastly, there is the possibility of sexting, where your teenager sends suggestive photos of herself to a boyfriend. These photos can be shared with others and are considered child pornography. She could be charged if she gets caught.
The third factor is "obsessions". These include the cult of thinness promoted by "pro-anorexic" sites, the athlete who ignores her body's pain signals to maintain her competitive edge, the overachiever whose schedule is so full of commitments she doesn't know how to relax and have fun, the party girl who drinks to get "more personality" and, the cutter who enjoys feeling disconnected from her body, removed from the pain. Many teenagers grow up too fast and try to reclaim their childhood when they have grown up.
The fourth factor is "environmental toxins". Dr. Sax examines the link between BPA and phthalates and the early onset of puberty. PETE, BPA and phthalates mimic female hormones in the body causing girls to develop as young as age 7. They are found in plastics, lotions and creams. Early puberty is correlated to an absence of the biological father figure in the household. His pheromones keep her puberty at bay for a few years. There are new medications, Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone Analogs that parents can use to postpone puberty in their daughter if it begins too early. Early puberty is linked to many challenges including anxiety, depression, smoking, drinking and reduced brain flexibility.
As you can see, our daughters are facing many challenges. I don't know about you but reading this book was a bit overwhelming for me. That is why I am eager to read the next half of the book where the author provides suggestions and tips to help parents navigate this obstacle course. I will be back next week with part 2. Stay tuned!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday 10 February 2016
Pet Power
February 10th, 2016
Every morning I wake up to the clicking sound of our dog's nails on the wooden stairs as she comes up to greet us. Our golden lab, Sweetie, jumps onto the side of the bed and licks my hand. She jumps down and goes over to my husband, Vincent. She licks his face. One of us gets up with her. Her tail is wagging and she is just so happy to be alive. She follows us down the stairs. We let her out into the yard. When she returns, we pet her and give her a Milk bone. Then, she is off to wake up the girls. They are so excited to see her. They love watching her happy face as she tries to jump onto their bed (not going to happen). The girls pet and hug her. What a great way to wake up!
When it's time to get on the bus to school, Vincent takes the dog out with the girls. They often wish they could stay home. They hate wearing snow pants. They may be feeling quite grumpy. However, Vincent throws the ball countless times and the dog chases the ball and brings it back for more. They hide from the dog, behind our truck, and she barks at them to come out and play. They throw snowballs and watch her catch them, and eat them. All of her craziness makes our morning routine enjoyable. Her presence calms jangled nerves and makes everyone laugh.
When the girls come home after school, they see the dog and give her hugs. They look forward to seeing her and our cat, George. I never wanted a cat because I had only ever met cats who were unpredictable. I feared that our children would pull his tail and get their faces scratched. However, our cat is the mellowest cat ever! He should get an award for all that he endures. As soon as the girls walk into the house, they are looking for the cat. They pick him up and hug him. He is generally sleeping in a warm spot, his fur all dishevelled and warm. He hears the girls' squealing as they set eyes on him and he braces for impact. They pick him up, hug him, carry him (bottom's up), and pretend he is flying through the air like Super Cat. He hangs out, purring.
If one of the girls has had a bad day, she will spend extra time with the pets getting some quiet comfort before she is ready or willing to talk about her day. I feel so grateful for our pets. They bring love, comfort, predictability, fun and calm into our home and our lives. When the girls have friends over, they always want to play with our cat because he is so calm. They also love the playful energy from our dog. The pets make our house feel like a home.
We overlook the importance of pets not only to provide a sense of safety to children but also to get us out of the house for exercise and, to give children an opportunity to care for another human being. The girls love giving our dog her Milk bone on weekends or filling her water bowl or brushing the cat's fur. They love getting the pets a treat or a new toy at the store. They enjoy taking the dog to a nearby trail. There is lots of excitement and giggling on the way to the park.
When I take the girls out to toboggan, the dog bites the tip of the sled and pulls the girls all over the hill. When we eat outside, the dog entertains us as she does a number of tricks, hoping that someone will throw a piece of steak or corn on the cob her way. When it's bath time and the girls don't want to get in the bath, I can always count on Sweetie to break the ice by trying to be the first one in. When the girls hate their supper, they know they can get the dog to eat whatever gets slipped under the table. (I wish I'd had a dog when I was growing up). In pretty much every memory there is the dog and, none of it would be as fun without her. Thank you to both our pets, Sweetie Pie and George, for making our lives happier and fuller.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Every morning I wake up to the clicking sound of our dog's nails on the wooden stairs as she comes up to greet us. Our golden lab, Sweetie, jumps onto the side of the bed and licks my hand. She jumps down and goes over to my husband, Vincent. She licks his face. One of us gets up with her. Her tail is wagging and she is just so happy to be alive. She follows us down the stairs. We let her out into the yard. When she returns, we pet her and give her a Milk bone. Then, she is off to wake up the girls. They are so excited to see her. They love watching her happy face as she tries to jump onto their bed (not going to happen). The girls pet and hug her. What a great way to wake up!
When it's time to get on the bus to school, Vincent takes the dog out with the girls. They often wish they could stay home. They hate wearing snow pants. They may be feeling quite grumpy. However, Vincent throws the ball countless times and the dog chases the ball and brings it back for more. They hide from the dog, behind our truck, and she barks at them to come out and play. They throw snowballs and watch her catch them, and eat them. All of her craziness makes our morning routine enjoyable. Her presence calms jangled nerves and makes everyone laugh.
When the girls come home after school, they see the dog and give her hugs. They look forward to seeing her and our cat, George. I never wanted a cat because I had only ever met cats who were unpredictable. I feared that our children would pull his tail and get their faces scratched. However, our cat is the mellowest cat ever! He should get an award for all that he endures. As soon as the girls walk into the house, they are looking for the cat. They pick him up and hug him. He is generally sleeping in a warm spot, his fur all dishevelled and warm. He hears the girls' squealing as they set eyes on him and he braces for impact. They pick him up, hug him, carry him (bottom's up), and pretend he is flying through the air like Super Cat. He hangs out, purring.
If one of the girls has had a bad day, she will spend extra time with the pets getting some quiet comfort before she is ready or willing to talk about her day. I feel so grateful for our pets. They bring love, comfort, predictability, fun and calm into our home and our lives. When the girls have friends over, they always want to play with our cat because he is so calm. They also love the playful energy from our dog. The pets make our house feel like a home.
We overlook the importance of pets not only to provide a sense of safety to children but also to get us out of the house for exercise and, to give children an opportunity to care for another human being. The girls love giving our dog her Milk bone on weekends or filling her water bowl or brushing the cat's fur. They love getting the pets a treat or a new toy at the store. They enjoy taking the dog to a nearby trail. There is lots of excitement and giggling on the way to the park.
When I take the girls out to toboggan, the dog bites the tip of the sled and pulls the girls all over the hill. When we eat outside, the dog entertains us as she does a number of tricks, hoping that someone will throw a piece of steak or corn on the cob her way. When it's bath time and the girls don't want to get in the bath, I can always count on Sweetie to break the ice by trying to be the first one in. When the girls hate their supper, they know they can get the dog to eat whatever gets slipped under the table. (I wish I'd had a dog when I was growing up). In pretty much every memory there is the dog and, none of it would be as fun without her. Thank you to both our pets, Sweetie Pie and George, for making our lives happier and fuller.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday 9 February 2016
Hemp Love
February 9th, 2016
I have been researching eco-friendly products lately: body soaps made from goat cheese, borax as a laundry detergent, vinegar to clean windows and apple cider vinegar as a deodorant. I had heard of hemp as an alternative option for natural clothing. I visited websites and saw some pretty cool fashions made from hemp.
There are different fabrics you can use to replace synthetic clothing: hemp, bamboo, organic cotton and soy. The great thing about hemp is it just gets softer as you wash it, it grows really quickly and repels insects, it protects you from the UV rays and it lasts a long time. The plant doesn't require pesticides and it nourishes the soil.
Pretty impressive right? But it doesn't stop there. Hemp is way more than comfy, eco-friendly fabric. Hemp seeds can be eaten and it is actually really healthy. It can be a source of protein and essential fatty acids. It is also recommended for birds and livestock.
Hemp is also used in body lotions and cosmetics because it nourishes the skin and hair with its healthy nutrients.
Hemp produces strong paper that ages well. It doesn't disintegrate over time.
Hemp can be turned into fabric for clothing or woven into rugs. It has been used to create canvas, jeans, even flags. You can also make rope and fishing nets with this strong material.
In the past, people have transformed hemp into alternatives to plastics. A variety of building materials can also be produced from hemp. These materials are fire-proof, insulating and waterproof.
I instantly started thinking about all the ways we could use Hemp as an environmentally-friendly substitute in so many ways. When I looked into the possibility of growing hemp, I realized why I hadn't heard more about this before. It has only been legal to grow hemp in Canada since 1998. You can't just start growing it, you have to get a license and go through lots of paperwork. Why? Because it is one of two strains of cannabis. It has a much lower level of THC but because of its association to marijuana, it is highly controlled and monitored.
Considering all I've heard lately about the need for affordable housing, I can't help thinking that using cheap, hemp-based building materials is worth considering.
Check out the cool fashions at www.nomadshempwear.com
My sources for information about hemp:
www.harbay.net
www.hemptrade.ca
www.hempbasics.com
www.theinformationdistillery.com
www.nomadshempwear.com
I have been researching eco-friendly products lately: body soaps made from goat cheese, borax as a laundry detergent, vinegar to clean windows and apple cider vinegar as a deodorant. I had heard of hemp as an alternative option for natural clothing. I visited websites and saw some pretty cool fashions made from hemp.
There are different fabrics you can use to replace synthetic clothing: hemp, bamboo, organic cotton and soy. The great thing about hemp is it just gets softer as you wash it, it grows really quickly and repels insects, it protects you from the UV rays and it lasts a long time. The plant doesn't require pesticides and it nourishes the soil.
Pretty impressive right? But it doesn't stop there. Hemp is way more than comfy, eco-friendly fabric. Hemp seeds can be eaten and it is actually really healthy. It can be a source of protein and essential fatty acids. It is also recommended for birds and livestock.
Hemp is also used in body lotions and cosmetics because it nourishes the skin and hair with its healthy nutrients.
Hemp produces strong paper that ages well. It doesn't disintegrate over time.
Hemp can be turned into fabric for clothing or woven into rugs. It has been used to create canvas, jeans, even flags. You can also make rope and fishing nets with this strong material.
In the past, people have transformed hemp into alternatives to plastics. A variety of building materials can also be produced from hemp. These materials are fire-proof, insulating and waterproof.
I instantly started thinking about all the ways we could use Hemp as an environmentally-friendly substitute in so many ways. When I looked into the possibility of growing hemp, I realized why I hadn't heard more about this before. It has only been legal to grow hemp in Canada since 1998. You can't just start growing it, you have to get a license and go through lots of paperwork. Why? Because it is one of two strains of cannabis. It has a much lower level of THC but because of its association to marijuana, it is highly controlled and monitored.
Considering all I've heard lately about the need for affordable housing, I can't help thinking that using cheap, hemp-based building materials is worth considering.
Check out the cool fashions at www.nomadshempwear.com
My sources for information about hemp:
www.harbay.net
www.hemptrade.ca
www.hempbasics.com
www.theinformationdistillery.com
www.nomadshempwear.com
Monday 8 February 2016
Med Mix Up
February 8th, 2016
My husband is British. I have never met any of his relatives because they all live in London. For years he was estranged from his relatives until his brother was very ill and my husband was forced to interact with his mother. They had a chance to say the words they each held in their heart but had never spoken. Since then, my husband has taken his mother on a trip to Paris and, they spoke on the phone, weekly, for over a year.
For the past six months or so, we have started communicating via Skype. It is cheaper than long distance calling and we can get to know each other. The children can see what their Gran looks like and show off their gymnastics tricks. I can talk to my mother-in-law, face to face and get to know her mannerisms. Since these weekly Skype sessions began, we have heard her sing, discovered her sense of humour and heard many personal stories. I am so thrilled we got a chance to connect before it was too late.
She plans to come over for a visit this summer and we couldn't be more excited. We have been discussing these plans with her for months now. However, lately, she hasn't been feeling too well. She said she was feeling tired, run down then sick. Her energy fluctuated as well. Last week, my husband asked her which meds she was on. As she listed her prescriptions, I jotted down the information. My husband and I looked at each other, worried that she was being over-medicated. Later that day, I searched the names of her medications and came to the conclusion that she is taking four doses of medications for hypertension, five doses of medications to treat her diabetes, something for stomach acid that she may have needed at one time but likely hasn't needed for quite some time and, another medication to lower the fat content in her blood. This medicine is NOT safe for people with diabetes and can lead to kidney failure.
I went to our local pharmacist to discuss our concerns but he suggested we have her meet with her doctor as she lives in the UK and this pharmacist is in Ontario. I suspected this process would not be a smooth one. You see, I've been here before, with my grandparents and, with the many residents I worked with in long term care. They visit many specialists, each one prescribing a new medication to address the issue the older adult is presenting at the time. Older adults are from a generation that worships doctors and never questions their judgement. If you look at their medication and you ask them, "What's this one for?", they don't know because they don't understand why they are taking their pills. The doctor prescribed them so it must be ok. It doesn't help that the same medication can have multiple names. My grandfather was on the same medication from three different sources because it had a different name. He was behaving very sluggish like he was having a stroke. It was a result of the multiple doses.
I have seen it so many times in long term care where residents are admitted and the nurse and doctor assess their medication. Often, they improve as soon as the amount of pills they take is reduced. Most medications have side effects so the more pills they take the harder it gets to determine whether they have a symptom that requires a new prescription (like heart palpitations or anxiety) or whether they just need a lower dosage of the medication they are already taking. When it's a loved one who is being over-medicated, things can get complicated. They may not go to the doctor's office or, they go and don't ask questions or, they do ask questions but feel intimidated or pressured for time and leave the office more confused than ever. If you phone the doctor on their behalf, they may not be able to answer your questions due to the parent's right to privacy and confidentiality. It gets so complicated.
If you are responsible for your aging parents, keep an eye on their medication. Look up each medication so you know what they are taking and why. Ask your parents if you can come to their medical appointments with them to take notes and ask questions. Use the same pharmacist for each prescription and ask about contraindications with other medication or food. I know, for example, that taking iron pills with orange juice helps my body absorb it but milk cancels it out. This is important information.
It's also a good idea to jot down any changes in them over time. These could be an indication that their medication needs to be changed, increased or decreased. When I worked on the dementia unit, I documented every time one of the residents was particularly aggressive. When I read over the nurse's and physician's notes, I realized there was often a correlation between the resident having a urinary tracy infection and the likelihood that s/he would be more aggressive. Information is key.
Be your own advocate, ask questions and remember that pharmacists are a great resource. Bring all your medication to your pharmacist and ask for help understanding how they all work to keep you healthy.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
My husband is British. I have never met any of his relatives because they all live in London. For years he was estranged from his relatives until his brother was very ill and my husband was forced to interact with his mother. They had a chance to say the words they each held in their heart but had never spoken. Since then, my husband has taken his mother on a trip to Paris and, they spoke on the phone, weekly, for over a year.
For the past six months or so, we have started communicating via Skype. It is cheaper than long distance calling and we can get to know each other. The children can see what their Gran looks like and show off their gymnastics tricks. I can talk to my mother-in-law, face to face and get to know her mannerisms. Since these weekly Skype sessions began, we have heard her sing, discovered her sense of humour and heard many personal stories. I am so thrilled we got a chance to connect before it was too late.
She plans to come over for a visit this summer and we couldn't be more excited. We have been discussing these plans with her for months now. However, lately, she hasn't been feeling too well. She said she was feeling tired, run down then sick. Her energy fluctuated as well. Last week, my husband asked her which meds she was on. As she listed her prescriptions, I jotted down the information. My husband and I looked at each other, worried that she was being over-medicated. Later that day, I searched the names of her medications and came to the conclusion that she is taking four doses of medications for hypertension, five doses of medications to treat her diabetes, something for stomach acid that she may have needed at one time but likely hasn't needed for quite some time and, another medication to lower the fat content in her blood. This medicine is NOT safe for people with diabetes and can lead to kidney failure.
I went to our local pharmacist to discuss our concerns but he suggested we have her meet with her doctor as she lives in the UK and this pharmacist is in Ontario. I suspected this process would not be a smooth one. You see, I've been here before, with my grandparents and, with the many residents I worked with in long term care. They visit many specialists, each one prescribing a new medication to address the issue the older adult is presenting at the time. Older adults are from a generation that worships doctors and never questions their judgement. If you look at their medication and you ask them, "What's this one for?", they don't know because they don't understand why they are taking their pills. The doctor prescribed them so it must be ok. It doesn't help that the same medication can have multiple names. My grandfather was on the same medication from three different sources because it had a different name. He was behaving very sluggish like he was having a stroke. It was a result of the multiple doses.
I have seen it so many times in long term care where residents are admitted and the nurse and doctor assess their medication. Often, they improve as soon as the amount of pills they take is reduced. Most medications have side effects so the more pills they take the harder it gets to determine whether they have a symptom that requires a new prescription (like heart palpitations or anxiety) or whether they just need a lower dosage of the medication they are already taking. When it's a loved one who is being over-medicated, things can get complicated. They may not go to the doctor's office or, they go and don't ask questions or, they do ask questions but feel intimidated or pressured for time and leave the office more confused than ever. If you phone the doctor on their behalf, they may not be able to answer your questions due to the parent's right to privacy and confidentiality. It gets so complicated.
If you are responsible for your aging parents, keep an eye on their medication. Look up each medication so you know what they are taking and why. Ask your parents if you can come to their medical appointments with them to take notes and ask questions. Use the same pharmacist for each prescription and ask about contraindications with other medication or food. I know, for example, that taking iron pills with orange juice helps my body absorb it but milk cancels it out. This is important information.
It's also a good idea to jot down any changes in them over time. These could be an indication that their medication needs to be changed, increased or decreased. When I worked on the dementia unit, I documented every time one of the residents was particularly aggressive. When I read over the nurse's and physician's notes, I realized there was often a correlation between the resident having a urinary tracy infection and the likelihood that s/he would be more aggressive. Information is key.
Be your own advocate, ask questions and remember that pharmacists are a great resource. Bring all your medication to your pharmacist and ask for help understanding how they all work to keep you healthy.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday 7 February 2016
Self-Care and Asking WHY
February 7th, 2016
I was feeling stuck today. I want to stick to my decision to write every day but I couldn't pick a topic. I decided to write about self-care because it is so important for women to learn to care as much about themselves as they do about others. It is also important for loved ones to see that we value ourselves. It's a reminder to your children that your life is more than just motherhood. It communicates to your partner that you expect to be treated with respect. It lets your boss know that your weekends are off-limits, that you have a life outside of working hours.
I was doing a search last week and I stumbled onto a video by a guy named Simon Sinek. He writes and speaks about leadership. His premise is that companies who don't strive, focus on what they are offering. Companies who succeed communicate why they exist. Between the "what" and the "why" is the "how". This is understanding how you achieve what you set out to do.
These two topics may not seem related but they are. Self-care is not about being selfish. Most of us emulate our earliest role models, women who served others first and put their needs last. Women who felt it was selfish to do something for ourselves. However, it is not selfish at all. If all you do is give to others, you will become depleted and resentful. At that point you won't have the energy to take care of yourself let alone your loved ones. If you had performed some self-care maintenance along the way, your tank would still be full and you would still be going strong.
Here is where the why comes into the equation. For the most part, our lives are out of balance. We act like we are computers. We try to get more done, faster with less breaks. We run around drinking more coffee to keep up the pace. Our schedules are full, the pace is quick and there is no time to waste. Our to-do list are the whats of our life. What do I have to do today? We often don't know how we will get it all done. However, we leave out the why. Just like a successful business starts with why, I feel that a balanced life involves taking a good look at our life and asking why we are doing what we are doing.
Let's begin:
Career
If you are currently employed, why do you work where you work? Be honest with yourself. Is this where you want to work or is it what others expect of you? If you are the busiest person at the office, why is that? Is it because you genuinely love your work and feel energized when you take on new projects or responsibilities? Or, is it because you don't have a life? Or, is it because you desperately want the approval of your boss and/or colleagues? If you find that you do not belong in this line of work and being there is making you sick, ask yourself what you might do instead. Why not try to get work that you love? Take a step each day in the direction of satisfying employment. Do an internet search, spruce up your resume, call a company, drop off or e-mail your resume, speak to others in the field etc...
Loved Ones
List all of the things you do with and for your loved ones. Why do you do these things? Divide them into two sections: things I enjoy and, things I do because I think I should. Keep doing what you enjoy and then examine your second list closely. Why do you do them? Are you trying to live up to an expectation? Is this something you have imposed upon yourself? Do you need to feel busy and important? See if you can delegate or divide some of the tasks you don't enjoy or value anymore. This will give you more time to do what you love.
Why Self-Care?
Now, take a piece of paper and divide it into two sections. On one side, write what happens when you don't make time for activities that energize you. On the other side, write all the activities you enjoy. Consider the cost to you and your loved ones if you don't learn to make self-care a part of your routine. Then browse through your list of activities you enjoy. Notice how much these activities cost. Chances are, they are pretty cheap. Most of the time, the women I work with just want to read a book, go for a walk in nature, have a warm bath, paint their nails, have coffee with a friend, create art or listen to music. These are not unrealistic, extravagant requests. The question then becomes "why not?". If enjoying simple acts of self-care make you a healthier person, a better partner, a happier mom and a more efficient employee, why wouldn't you indulge yourself on a regular basis?
If you want to take this one step further, create a collage of everything that makes you happy, energizes and, nourishes you. Flip through magazines or print images from an online source. Then assemble and organize these images on a big piece of craft paper (I like 18"x 24" as it's big enough to fit a variety of ideas but not so big that it is overwhelming). You can add a title, write affirmations or intentions on the paper and place it somewhere visible as a reminder to take some time for yourself.
www.artnsoul.org
I was feeling stuck today. I want to stick to my decision to write every day but I couldn't pick a topic. I decided to write about self-care because it is so important for women to learn to care as much about themselves as they do about others. It is also important for loved ones to see that we value ourselves. It's a reminder to your children that your life is more than just motherhood. It communicates to your partner that you expect to be treated with respect. It lets your boss know that your weekends are off-limits, that you have a life outside of working hours.
I was doing a search last week and I stumbled onto a video by a guy named Simon Sinek. He writes and speaks about leadership. His premise is that companies who don't strive, focus on what they are offering. Companies who succeed communicate why they exist. Between the "what" and the "why" is the "how". This is understanding how you achieve what you set out to do.
These two topics may not seem related but they are. Self-care is not about being selfish. Most of us emulate our earliest role models, women who served others first and put their needs last. Women who felt it was selfish to do something for ourselves. However, it is not selfish at all. If all you do is give to others, you will become depleted and resentful. At that point you won't have the energy to take care of yourself let alone your loved ones. If you had performed some self-care maintenance along the way, your tank would still be full and you would still be going strong.
Here is where the why comes into the equation. For the most part, our lives are out of balance. We act like we are computers. We try to get more done, faster with less breaks. We run around drinking more coffee to keep up the pace. Our schedules are full, the pace is quick and there is no time to waste. Our to-do list are the whats of our life. What do I have to do today? We often don't know how we will get it all done. However, we leave out the why. Just like a successful business starts with why, I feel that a balanced life involves taking a good look at our life and asking why we are doing what we are doing.
Let's begin:
Career
If you are currently employed, why do you work where you work? Be honest with yourself. Is this where you want to work or is it what others expect of you? If you are the busiest person at the office, why is that? Is it because you genuinely love your work and feel energized when you take on new projects or responsibilities? Or, is it because you don't have a life? Or, is it because you desperately want the approval of your boss and/or colleagues? If you find that you do not belong in this line of work and being there is making you sick, ask yourself what you might do instead. Why not try to get work that you love? Take a step each day in the direction of satisfying employment. Do an internet search, spruce up your resume, call a company, drop off or e-mail your resume, speak to others in the field etc...
Loved Ones
List all of the things you do with and for your loved ones. Why do you do these things? Divide them into two sections: things I enjoy and, things I do because I think I should. Keep doing what you enjoy and then examine your second list closely. Why do you do them? Are you trying to live up to an expectation? Is this something you have imposed upon yourself? Do you need to feel busy and important? See if you can delegate or divide some of the tasks you don't enjoy or value anymore. This will give you more time to do what you love.
Why Self-Care?
Now, take a piece of paper and divide it into two sections. On one side, write what happens when you don't make time for activities that energize you. On the other side, write all the activities you enjoy. Consider the cost to you and your loved ones if you don't learn to make self-care a part of your routine. Then browse through your list of activities you enjoy. Notice how much these activities cost. Chances are, they are pretty cheap. Most of the time, the women I work with just want to read a book, go for a walk in nature, have a warm bath, paint their nails, have coffee with a friend, create art or listen to music. These are not unrealistic, extravagant requests. The question then becomes "why not?". If enjoying simple acts of self-care make you a healthier person, a better partner, a happier mom and a more efficient employee, why wouldn't you indulge yourself on a regular basis?
If you want to take this one step further, create a collage of everything that makes you happy, energizes and, nourishes you. Flip through magazines or print images from an online source. Then assemble and organize these images on a big piece of craft paper (I like 18"x 24" as it's big enough to fit a variety of ideas but not so big that it is overwhelming). You can add a title, write affirmations or intentions on the paper and place it somewhere visible as a reminder to take some time for yourself.
www.artnsoul.org
Saturday 6 February 2016
Rural Poverty and Affordable Housing
February 6th 2016
Yesterday, I participated in the second annual Share the Love campaign. Share the Love's goal is raising awareness about rural poverty and unsafe housing in the Leeds-Grenville area. I heard about them last year when my, Have You Hugged the Alien? book was published. I was going into schools to offer my workshops on healthy emotional expression. Share the Love organizers approached me and asked if I would facilitate some art with children and create an art display for their upcoming auction. Proceeds would go to Habitat for Humanity.
I went into my daughter's grade 3 class at Kemptville Public School and we had a discussion about poverty. I pointed out the many luxuries we take for granted like feeling warm as we enter our home, having a snack after school, being greeted by pets or playing with toys, having supper, taking a hot shower and sleeping in a warm bed, knowing we are safe. We compared that to the realities of families living at the edge of homelessness, barely making it on a monthly basis.
Each child chose one room in their home that they enjoy, the space that feels most like "home" to them. They were asked to re-create that space in a box, using play-doh, popsicle sticks, string, markers and a variety of other cheap materials. The boxes were displayed at Geronimo Coffeehouse with an index card attached to it, describing the student's vision for their box. The boxes were auctioned off and raised $500 for Habitat for Humanity. It was a wonderful experience,
This year, I visited Oxford-On-Rideau Public School and met with 44 students from grades 4, 5 and 6. This time, I could report on some of the changes that had happened since last year's campaign. A new Re-Store is set to open in Kemptville as the needs of our community have been recognized. A new program is also being discussed which would make it easier for low income families to become home-owners through "down-payment assistance", it would also provide "a flat rate Housing Allowance" so people can pay their rent and, thirdly, this program would offer financial assistance to low income families living in unsafe housing "to repair their home while improving the energy-efficiency of the unit". For more information about the Investment in Affordable Housing for Ontario program or to weigh in on these issues at one of the upcoming meetings, go to www.leedsgrenville.com/en/live/housing/affordablehousing.asp#
We talked about the fact that "1 out of 4 rural households are in the lowest income categories" in the Leeds/Grenville area. Then, I asked for the students' help. Their art could raise awareness about this issue by being displayed at Geronimo Coffeehouse for the month of February. Their art and efforts could also be shared at a meeting on February 22nd with homebuilders and politicians showing them the importance of creating more affordable homes. My directives were short: create something colourful that will catch the eye of the public and communicate a message about the need for safe, affordable housing in our area.
The room buzzed with excitement and feverish activity as students created their flag. There was such a variety from a slice of pizza, before and after images, us vs them imagery and beautiful outbursts of love. When students had completed their flags, I asked them to design their clothes pin. I was displaying the flags on a clothes line in the main hallway of the coffeehouse therefore we needed colourful, eye-catching clothes pins. When the students were done, they helped me gather my materials and got to work cleaning up the lunch room. It was pizza day and they scrubbed the tables clean. I was really impressed with these students. They were hard working and thorough.
I met with Heather Sansom at Geronimo and she helped me hang all of the art work. She even paid for my lunch (not a bad gig). The students had a blast, the teachers enjoyed witnessing the energy of their students creating for a good cause and, Heather and I were satisfied with the colourful art display that would surely get people talking about a very important issue.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Yesterday, I participated in the second annual Share the Love campaign. Share the Love's goal is raising awareness about rural poverty and unsafe housing in the Leeds-Grenville area. I heard about them last year when my, Have You Hugged the Alien? book was published. I was going into schools to offer my workshops on healthy emotional expression. Share the Love organizers approached me and asked if I would facilitate some art with children and create an art display for their upcoming auction. Proceeds would go to Habitat for Humanity.
I went into my daughter's grade 3 class at Kemptville Public School and we had a discussion about poverty. I pointed out the many luxuries we take for granted like feeling warm as we enter our home, having a snack after school, being greeted by pets or playing with toys, having supper, taking a hot shower and sleeping in a warm bed, knowing we are safe. We compared that to the realities of families living at the edge of homelessness, barely making it on a monthly basis.
Each child chose one room in their home that they enjoy, the space that feels most like "home" to them. They were asked to re-create that space in a box, using play-doh, popsicle sticks, string, markers and a variety of other cheap materials. The boxes were displayed at Geronimo Coffeehouse with an index card attached to it, describing the student's vision for their box. The boxes were auctioned off and raised $500 for Habitat for Humanity. It was a wonderful experience,
This year, I visited Oxford-On-Rideau Public School and met with 44 students from grades 4, 5 and 6. This time, I could report on some of the changes that had happened since last year's campaign. A new Re-Store is set to open in Kemptville as the needs of our community have been recognized. A new program is also being discussed which would make it easier for low income families to become home-owners through "down-payment assistance", it would also provide "a flat rate Housing Allowance" so people can pay their rent and, thirdly, this program would offer financial assistance to low income families living in unsafe housing "to repair their home while improving the energy-efficiency of the unit". For more information about the Investment in Affordable Housing for Ontario program or to weigh in on these issues at one of the upcoming meetings, go to www.leedsgrenville.com/en/live/housing/affordablehousing.asp#
We talked about the fact that "1 out of 4 rural households are in the lowest income categories" in the Leeds/Grenville area. Then, I asked for the students' help. Their art could raise awareness about this issue by being displayed at Geronimo Coffeehouse for the month of February. Their art and efforts could also be shared at a meeting on February 22nd with homebuilders and politicians showing them the importance of creating more affordable homes. My directives were short: create something colourful that will catch the eye of the public and communicate a message about the need for safe, affordable housing in our area.
The room buzzed with excitement and feverish activity as students created their flag. There was such a variety from a slice of pizza, before and after images, us vs them imagery and beautiful outbursts of love. When students had completed their flags, I asked them to design their clothes pin. I was displaying the flags on a clothes line in the main hallway of the coffeehouse therefore we needed colourful, eye-catching clothes pins. When the students were done, they helped me gather my materials and got to work cleaning up the lunch room. It was pizza day and they scrubbed the tables clean. I was really impressed with these students. They were hard working and thorough.
I met with Heather Sansom at Geronimo and she helped me hang all of the art work. She even paid for my lunch (not a bad gig). The students had a blast, the teachers enjoyed witnessing the energy of their students creating for a good cause and, Heather and I were satisfied with the colourful art display that would surely get people talking about a very important issue.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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