March 19th, 2016
Hello everyone, this will be my last post until April 4th. My family and I are leaving for Florida tomorrow and I will be enjoying our time away together without technology. I am sure I will feel inspired to write about new topics when we return.
Right now, everyone is asleep and we are all packed. I am reading over my to-do list and I am satisfied with my progress. I feel excited about our trip. My husband's clients will be house sitting and pet sitting for us. That makes all the difference for me.
In the past, we had neighbors check on the cat, scoop his litter, fill his food bowl and give him some love every day but no one lived in our home. When we got our dog, this was no longer an option. We tried two different kennels. The people were nice but our dog is more of a human-lover, not so much a dog-lover. The last year that she was in a kennel, when we returned, the owner gave us a photo of our dog as a souvenir of her stay. Our dog was being sniffed by dogs on either side, her ears were back and her tail was curled down between her legs. It broke my heart. She looked so unhappy.
Last year, a friend of ours stayed with our pets. It was a completely different experience. Our dog was able to stay in her environment where everything is familiar and comfortable. She received great care by this loving woman who absolutely adores dogs and bakes her own treats. We could check in with her by e-mail throughout the holiday. She even sent footage of our pets when the girls were missing them. We returned to a happy, slightly slimmer from the extra exercise dog and a satisfied, calm cat. Our home had been carde for and there were fresh flowers on the table.
Our friend has her own dog now so she couldn't be here this year. Luckily, my husband has many clients and we have more pet lovers coming to spoil our animals and keep our home cozy while we are away.
As silly as it may seem, I feel more excited about our trip knowing that our pets will be happy. It's hard to go away and relax when you are worried about your dog, wondering if she is stressed. That is no longer an issue. It's also a relief to know that, when the children inevitably start missing the pets, we can share photos e-mailed to my husband's phone (which he will be taking with him).
Thank you pet sitters everyone for offering love to our pets, important members of our family, and for providing peace of mind for the family members who love them.
See you on April 4th!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Saturday 19 March 2016
Friday 18 March 2016
Claire Charron
March 18th, 2016
Today is a special day, my mother, Claire Charron, was born 67 years ago today. I will be visiting her with my daughters. We'll bring her back to our home and spend the weekend together. When I was young, I loved my mother because she was my mom. Eventually, I heard about the hardships she had faced when she had me and was pressured to abort me. Needless to say, she chose to keep me but her family and friends rejected her. She faced many years alone, shamed for having a dark child and for being a single mom.
She worked hard to provide a home and to fill our bellies every day. I often tease her about her culinary adventures. We ate Spam, Click, Cam, and mac n cheese without the cheese (she only used a sprinkling of cheese which made it sooo gross). Once in a while, when she was feeling rich, she would buy balony and fry it in a pan, she served it with melted, fried cheddar and a can of corn. It was a gastronomical leap forward and I would dance for joy!
Now that I am older, I love my mom because I recognize that she is a compassionate human being. She doesn't judge people. When I hung out with punk rockers with black, spiked hair and piercings, she treated them with the same respect as anyone else. I watched her working at the reception of a long term care facility. She listened to the stories of the many lonely residents who came to visit her even though she had lots of work to do with multiple deadlines. When she walked away from her desk to deliver important papers to managers, I saw her kneel next to every resident who wanted to talk to her so she could be at eye level with them. She eventually obtained a degree in palliative care and she currently volunteers at Montfort Hospital, sitting with residents who are anxious or lonely. She supports families who are grieving as well.
As a mother, I have a new respect for the challenges she must have faced when she was alone and unprepared for the responsibilities of parenthood. She worked hard and gave me what she could. We went through many experiences together. What I love about my mother is that she loves unconditionally. When I wanted to move to Montreal for my studies, she was very sad. She loved having me with her. However, she encouraged me to go for it. Whenever I make a decision, she supports me and dosent not try to give me advice. As I raise my children, I am sure she doesn't always agree with my approach but she keeps it to herself. She lets me carve out my own path, follow my gut and parent as I see fit.
In my career, she is the first to celebrate my accomplishments and, when I fail, she is there to hear me vent and pray for me. She visits our children every week, draws with them and listens to their stories. She has their art plastered all over her refrigerator. She logs their funny comments in her journal. She loves reading self-help books and is always learning something new.
Today I celebrate my mom for her simplicity, her sense of humour, her unconditional love and compassion. Hope you have a great day mom! I love you!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today is a special day, my mother, Claire Charron, was born 67 years ago today. I will be visiting her with my daughters. We'll bring her back to our home and spend the weekend together. When I was young, I loved my mother because she was my mom. Eventually, I heard about the hardships she had faced when she had me and was pressured to abort me. Needless to say, she chose to keep me but her family and friends rejected her. She faced many years alone, shamed for having a dark child and for being a single mom.
She worked hard to provide a home and to fill our bellies every day. I often tease her about her culinary adventures. We ate Spam, Click, Cam, and mac n cheese without the cheese (she only used a sprinkling of cheese which made it sooo gross). Once in a while, when she was feeling rich, she would buy balony and fry it in a pan, she served it with melted, fried cheddar and a can of corn. It was a gastronomical leap forward and I would dance for joy!
Now that I am older, I love my mom because I recognize that she is a compassionate human being. She doesn't judge people. When I hung out with punk rockers with black, spiked hair and piercings, she treated them with the same respect as anyone else. I watched her working at the reception of a long term care facility. She listened to the stories of the many lonely residents who came to visit her even though she had lots of work to do with multiple deadlines. When she walked away from her desk to deliver important papers to managers, I saw her kneel next to every resident who wanted to talk to her so she could be at eye level with them. She eventually obtained a degree in palliative care and she currently volunteers at Montfort Hospital, sitting with residents who are anxious or lonely. She supports families who are grieving as well.
As a mother, I have a new respect for the challenges she must have faced when she was alone and unprepared for the responsibilities of parenthood. She worked hard and gave me what she could. We went through many experiences together. What I love about my mother is that she loves unconditionally. When I wanted to move to Montreal for my studies, she was very sad. She loved having me with her. However, she encouraged me to go for it. Whenever I make a decision, she supports me and dosent not try to give me advice. As I raise my children, I am sure she doesn't always agree with my approach but she keeps it to herself. She lets me carve out my own path, follow my gut and parent as I see fit.
In my career, she is the first to celebrate my accomplishments and, when I fail, she is there to hear me vent and pray for me. She visits our children every week, draws with them and listens to their stories. She has their art plastered all over her refrigerator. She logs their funny comments in her journal. She loves reading self-help books and is always learning something new.
Today I celebrate my mom for her simplicity, her sense of humour, her unconditional love and compassion. Hope you have a great day mom! I love you!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday 17 March 2016
Clean Water
March 17th, 2016
I just watched a fascinating documentary about Dean Kamen's latest invention, the Slingshot. Dean is an inventor who works very hard at creating technology that helps people achieve greater quality of life. Among his healthcare inventions are a wheelchair that moves vertically so someone can move up and change a lightbulb or reach a high cupboard. He also has a wheelchair that climbs stairs. You can see him working on prosthetics and he has invented a system that allows people to use dialysis machines in their own home. For more information about this work, check out dekaresearch.com.
Dean is an interesting individual. He lives in a home with secret passageways and a steam engine in the centre of his foyer, he opens a glass wall and leaves his home via his personal helicopter. He is eccentric and passionate. He has chosen not to become a father because he is so committed to his work that he doesn't feel he could really give enough energy to raising a child. He helps children every day through his inventions and contributions.
One of those contributions is a science centre he donated to his community. He noticed children wearing sports jerseys and he asked them if they could name an engineer or inventor. None of them could. He decided to make sciences cool. He launched First, an opportunity for children to create robots and compete against other robots like an athletic event. Students are excited to work with engineers and conceptualize their robot then compete. They gain valuable employability skills and develop a passion for sciences. This was the ultimate goal, to teach math, science, technology and engineering in an exciting way. You can go to www.firstinspires.org to learn about this program.
We all recognize the importance of clean water. We rely on water to stay hydrated and clean, to cook and do laundry. In countries where clean water is not accessible, disease spreads quickly. Dean and his team developed a vapor compression distiller. It has the ability to purify water regardless of the quality of water that goes into the machine. Dean was able to demonstrate the machine's efficacy but he needed help distribution the machine to countries where clean water was not available. He asked medical partners, the WHO, the government and many other organizations whom he thought would jump at the chance to distribute these machines. They were all cheering for him but they wouldn't get involved.
He got a break when the Coca-Cola company agreed to partner with him. He started with 15 machines in schools in Ghana in 2011. The machines worked well but they were heavy and difficult to set up. Also, they realized they would need to educate users who were transferring the clean water to contaminated vessels. This pilot project led to funding for 50 machines to be tested in Central America and Africa. They needed to make the machines lighter and smaller, they re-named it the Alpha model. They learned that each location has its own challenges but they started the Alpha model distribution in 2013.
Dean has a vision. His wish is that we start investing in "weapons of mass construction". If people have access to clean water and they recognize that these machines come from the US, perhaps they can reach a place of peace. I am very excited to see what happens next as each trial leads to more access to this invention.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I just watched a fascinating documentary about Dean Kamen's latest invention, the Slingshot. Dean is an inventor who works very hard at creating technology that helps people achieve greater quality of life. Among his healthcare inventions are a wheelchair that moves vertically so someone can move up and change a lightbulb or reach a high cupboard. He also has a wheelchair that climbs stairs. You can see him working on prosthetics and he has invented a system that allows people to use dialysis machines in their own home. For more information about this work, check out dekaresearch.com.
Dean is an interesting individual. He lives in a home with secret passageways and a steam engine in the centre of his foyer, he opens a glass wall and leaves his home via his personal helicopter. He is eccentric and passionate. He has chosen not to become a father because he is so committed to his work that he doesn't feel he could really give enough energy to raising a child. He helps children every day through his inventions and contributions.
One of those contributions is a science centre he donated to his community. He noticed children wearing sports jerseys and he asked them if they could name an engineer or inventor. None of them could. He decided to make sciences cool. He launched First, an opportunity for children to create robots and compete against other robots like an athletic event. Students are excited to work with engineers and conceptualize their robot then compete. They gain valuable employability skills and develop a passion for sciences. This was the ultimate goal, to teach math, science, technology and engineering in an exciting way. You can go to www.firstinspires.org to learn about this program.
We all recognize the importance of clean water. We rely on water to stay hydrated and clean, to cook and do laundry. In countries where clean water is not accessible, disease spreads quickly. Dean and his team developed a vapor compression distiller. It has the ability to purify water regardless of the quality of water that goes into the machine. Dean was able to demonstrate the machine's efficacy but he needed help distribution the machine to countries where clean water was not available. He asked medical partners, the WHO, the government and many other organizations whom he thought would jump at the chance to distribute these machines. They were all cheering for him but they wouldn't get involved.
He got a break when the Coca-Cola company agreed to partner with him. He started with 15 machines in schools in Ghana in 2011. The machines worked well but they were heavy and difficult to set up. Also, they realized they would need to educate users who were transferring the clean water to contaminated vessels. This pilot project led to funding for 50 machines to be tested in Central America and Africa. They needed to make the machines lighter and smaller, they re-named it the Alpha model. They learned that each location has its own challenges but they started the Alpha model distribution in 2013.
Dean has a vision. His wish is that we start investing in "weapons of mass construction". If people have access to clean water and they recognize that these machines come from the US, perhaps they can reach a place of peace. I am very excited to see what happens next as each trial leads to more access to this invention.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Unhealthy Relationships
March 16th, 2016
Today, I'd like to talk about unhealthy relationships. We hear certain key words: domestic violence or abusive relationship. We imagine a woman being beaten by her drunken husband. She is afraid but she stays with him and we judge her. Why doesn't she leave? Judgment takes away our fear. It protects us from the reality that it could be any one of us. By asking why "they" stay, we create a wall between "them" and "us".
The fact is many women are in unhealthy relationships. Some know their relationship is unhealthy and they seek help or create a plan to leave. However, many women hide this wisdom from themselves and everyone else. An unhealthy relationship is any relationship that makes you feel poorly about yourself, that creates separation between you and your support system and instills fear about your safety or the well-being of your children.
You are attracted to a man. He is really into you. He wants to be with you all the time. When you are apart, he texts you or calls you. If you don't respond right away, he is disappointed. If you are unable to meet with him because you have plans with friends or family, he makes you feel guilty. He had something special planned. He may tell you that he is uncomfortable around your friends or your family. You spend more time with him and try to squeeze your friends and family in when you are not with him because you know he doesn't feel comfortable around them. He just wants to be alone with you. You turn down invitations until no one bothers to call you. Your loved ones don't like him but they just don't "get" him the way you do. You love him and he is carry about you.
Once you are hooked on him and isolated from your friends and family, your boyfriend gets more demanding, more moody. He has a tremper. When you disagree with him or won't do what he wants, he gets angry. You find yourself doing things you don't want to appease him. This could include having sex. You also keep information from him to protect yourself from his outburst like the fact that you met with a friend for coffee. He doesn't like that friend and wouldn't approve of you seeing her. Drinking makes his anger worst but he shows no sign of abstaining from alcohol. You may realize that you are in danger. Who do you turn to? You have alienated your friends and family. They were right but you are not ready to admit to this just yet. There are times when he is just so sweet. You have a great time. These peaks are just enough to keep you involved. You tell yourself it's not so bad. This may escalate to physical violence or it may never come to that.
There are things you do that he notices and he shares his observations with you, for your own good. The way you hold your cup of coffee or the sound of your voice, the way you dance, the clothes you wear, little details that make you who you are. He points out what you should work on and make you feel ashamed. This may be worst when he is around his friends. He may correct you in front of them or comment one something that he knows makes you feel vulnerable. All of this attention on you, keeps you from noticing things about him. They create doubt in your concept of yourself. You forget what it was like to feel confident in who you were and to expect love from those around you. This is his super power. After a while you don't even notice the unhealthy behaviors. You are used to hiding and pretending, avoiding his outbursts when you can, making excuses for him along the way.
If someone you love is in this kind of relationship, the best thing you can do is be loving and supportive of them. If you get angry and try to convince her that he is no good, she will hide his behaviors from you and shut you out. If you behave in loving ways toward her she will start to notice the drastic difference between the way she feels when she is around you and when she is with him. She will remember that she has a choice, that it can be better, that she was someone and had a life before this person. She will choose someone who loves her too. It won't happen all at once, it will sink in over time. Don't judge, don't preach or give advice. Just keep loving her. It is your super power.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today, I'd like to talk about unhealthy relationships. We hear certain key words: domestic violence or abusive relationship. We imagine a woman being beaten by her drunken husband. She is afraid but she stays with him and we judge her. Why doesn't she leave? Judgment takes away our fear. It protects us from the reality that it could be any one of us. By asking why "they" stay, we create a wall between "them" and "us".
The fact is many women are in unhealthy relationships. Some know their relationship is unhealthy and they seek help or create a plan to leave. However, many women hide this wisdom from themselves and everyone else. An unhealthy relationship is any relationship that makes you feel poorly about yourself, that creates separation between you and your support system and instills fear about your safety or the well-being of your children.
You are attracted to a man. He is really into you. He wants to be with you all the time. When you are apart, he texts you or calls you. If you don't respond right away, he is disappointed. If you are unable to meet with him because you have plans with friends or family, he makes you feel guilty. He had something special planned. He may tell you that he is uncomfortable around your friends or your family. You spend more time with him and try to squeeze your friends and family in when you are not with him because you know he doesn't feel comfortable around them. He just wants to be alone with you. You turn down invitations until no one bothers to call you. Your loved ones don't like him but they just don't "get" him the way you do. You love him and he is carry about you.
Once you are hooked on him and isolated from your friends and family, your boyfriend gets more demanding, more moody. He has a tremper. When you disagree with him or won't do what he wants, he gets angry. You find yourself doing things you don't want to appease him. This could include having sex. You also keep information from him to protect yourself from his outburst like the fact that you met with a friend for coffee. He doesn't like that friend and wouldn't approve of you seeing her. Drinking makes his anger worst but he shows no sign of abstaining from alcohol. You may realize that you are in danger. Who do you turn to? You have alienated your friends and family. They were right but you are not ready to admit to this just yet. There are times when he is just so sweet. You have a great time. These peaks are just enough to keep you involved. You tell yourself it's not so bad. This may escalate to physical violence or it may never come to that.
There are things you do that he notices and he shares his observations with you, for your own good. The way you hold your cup of coffee or the sound of your voice, the way you dance, the clothes you wear, little details that make you who you are. He points out what you should work on and make you feel ashamed. This may be worst when he is around his friends. He may correct you in front of them or comment one something that he knows makes you feel vulnerable. All of this attention on you, keeps you from noticing things about him. They create doubt in your concept of yourself. You forget what it was like to feel confident in who you were and to expect love from those around you. This is his super power. After a while you don't even notice the unhealthy behaviors. You are used to hiding and pretending, avoiding his outbursts when you can, making excuses for him along the way.
If someone you love is in this kind of relationship, the best thing you can do is be loving and supportive of them. If you get angry and try to convince her that he is no good, she will hide his behaviors from you and shut you out. If you behave in loving ways toward her she will start to notice the drastic difference between the way she feels when she is around you and when she is with him. She will remember that she has a choice, that it can be better, that she was someone and had a life before this person. She will choose someone who loves her too. It won't happen all at once, it will sink in over time. Don't judge, don't preach or give advice. Just keep loving her. It is your super power.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday 16 March 2016
Know your heart
March 15th, 2016
Do you know a woman who has suffered a stroke or heart attack? I don't. I do know many women who have battled breast cancer. I guess that's why it comes as a shocker to learn that heart disease is the number one killer among women. For many of us, heart attacks are what happen to older men. Most of the research has used men and the results reflect this. You have an expectation of what heart attacks look like, based on this gender-biased research: sudden chest pain and difficulty breathing. The thing is, for women, a heart attack can feel more like indigestion, a pain in the back or arm, discomfort in the jaw, flu-like symptoms or fatigue. For some women, there are no symptoms other than the persistent fatigue. They consult their doctor and discover they have had a heart attack.
I only know half my family history so it's a little unsettling for me to not know if this runs in that part of my family, especially since I once read that african-americans were more at risk of cardio-vasculaire disease than caucasians. I do not smoke, I am not diabetic and my blood pressure is low but I am not consistently physically active, my cholesterol levels are high and I have gained weight, mostly in my midsection.
So, what can I do to reduce my risk? Exercise and eat healthy food. The goal is not a short-term diet but sustainable, healthy food habits. I can work on reducing my stress levels and floss my teeth. Letting plaque accumulate in your gums contributes to the presence of plaque in your blood stream. I can also make time for friends. Feeling loved and supported reduces stress levels, so does playing with the dog or having fun with my kids.
Another unfortunate factor that contributes to the death of women due to heart disease is that we ignore the symptoms, we deny that we are having a heart attack because we don't have time to deal with it, it's just not a good time. Check out the video by Elizabeth Banks on www.goredforwomen.org. I could relate to Elizabeth as she plays a mom with children and work responsibilities who is trying to get everything done, multi-tasking and gulping coffee. When symptoms occur, she ignores them and just pushes through. Her son and husband notice something is wrong but she denies it. It's a great way to raise awareness about the need to take care of ourselves, not just our loved ones.
There's more information about the symptoms of stroke out there. I have witnessed a lady having a TIA (transient ischemic attack) when I worked in long term care. When you are having a stroke, you may notice half of your body losing its muscle tone, your face looks like it's drooping, your arm goes loose and you are unable to pull it back up, your leg loses the ability to stand so you fall, your vision could become blurry, you may be unable to speak or what you say makes no sense. It is really important to call 911 immediately if someone has these symptoms. The TIA is a smaller scale episode that is often a precursor to strokes. Residents who had TIAs were more likely to recover quickly and not have long term impairments. The same habits that increase your risk of heart disease also increase your risk of stroke.
I don't know about you but I am motivated to eat right, exercise, drink water and manage my stress. How about you?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Do you know a woman who has suffered a stroke or heart attack? I don't. I do know many women who have battled breast cancer. I guess that's why it comes as a shocker to learn that heart disease is the number one killer among women. For many of us, heart attacks are what happen to older men. Most of the research has used men and the results reflect this. You have an expectation of what heart attacks look like, based on this gender-biased research: sudden chest pain and difficulty breathing. The thing is, for women, a heart attack can feel more like indigestion, a pain in the back or arm, discomfort in the jaw, flu-like symptoms or fatigue. For some women, there are no symptoms other than the persistent fatigue. They consult their doctor and discover they have had a heart attack.
I only know half my family history so it's a little unsettling for me to not know if this runs in that part of my family, especially since I once read that african-americans were more at risk of cardio-vasculaire disease than caucasians. I do not smoke, I am not diabetic and my blood pressure is low but I am not consistently physically active, my cholesterol levels are high and I have gained weight, mostly in my midsection.
So, what can I do to reduce my risk? Exercise and eat healthy food. The goal is not a short-term diet but sustainable, healthy food habits. I can work on reducing my stress levels and floss my teeth. Letting plaque accumulate in your gums contributes to the presence of plaque in your blood stream. I can also make time for friends. Feeling loved and supported reduces stress levels, so does playing with the dog or having fun with my kids.
Another unfortunate factor that contributes to the death of women due to heart disease is that we ignore the symptoms, we deny that we are having a heart attack because we don't have time to deal with it, it's just not a good time. Check out the video by Elizabeth Banks on www.goredforwomen.org. I could relate to Elizabeth as she plays a mom with children and work responsibilities who is trying to get everything done, multi-tasking and gulping coffee. When symptoms occur, she ignores them and just pushes through. Her son and husband notice something is wrong but she denies it. It's a great way to raise awareness about the need to take care of ourselves, not just our loved ones.
There's more information about the symptoms of stroke out there. I have witnessed a lady having a TIA (transient ischemic attack) when I worked in long term care. When you are having a stroke, you may notice half of your body losing its muscle tone, your face looks like it's drooping, your arm goes loose and you are unable to pull it back up, your leg loses the ability to stand so you fall, your vision could become blurry, you may be unable to speak or what you say makes no sense. It is really important to call 911 immediately if someone has these symptoms. The TIA is a smaller scale episode that is often a precursor to strokes. Residents who had TIAs were more likely to recover quickly and not have long term impairments. The same habits that increase your risk of heart disease also increase your risk of stroke.
I don't know about you but I am motivated to eat right, exercise, drink water and manage my stress. How about you?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday 14 March 2016
Family Dynamics
March 14th, 2016
Who are you? I mean in your family. What is your role? Where do you fit in the puzzle of your family? Whenever I offer a team building workshop for small groups I like to explore this question. We are complex human beings. We may be controlling and bossy at work then dependent and quiet at home. Each environment brings out a different aspect of us.
The thing is, we often walk right into the same role at work and in our romantic relationship as we had in our family of origin. Were you the peacemaker at home? Are you the only one still talking to everyone at work? The one every member of the team confides in? Were you a caregiver when you were growing up, caring for an alcoholic parent? You may be determined to marry someone who doesn't drink but you end up with someone who depends on you in other ways. Are all your employers incompetent people who need your expertise to succeed, just another expression of the same pattern.
If each employee is carrying a role from his/her family of origin but is unaware of it, then each conflict at work is perceived as new and unique to that specific working relationship. What happens when you recognize a pattern, when you realize that this is just an extension of your previous role from your family of origin? It depersonalizes the conflict at work, it brings you back to the original relationship to figure out what needs to be resolved. You can make choices from a place of awareness. The intensity of the conflict vanishes. You are able to question your perception. "Are they excluding me or am I imagining that they would prefer it if I didn't join them because I felt like an outsider in my family of origin"? The ability to check the validity of your perceptions is empowering.
Have you ever noticed how the same family story can be told differently by the family members who were there? We carry our stories with us. We tell our partner, our children, our friends and colleagues our version of these stories. They become a part of our identity. They influence the way we interact with others, our expectations of them. We change, our loved ones change but we interact as if everything is the same. Isn't it funny how we become 5 years old when we bump into our kindergarten teacher. We are full grown with children of our own but we find ourselves greeting her the same way, with the same tone: "Hello Mrs Birke"!
We project these behaviors onto new people. We transfer our fear of parents onto authority figures, our desire to please to other men or women, our competitiveness from our siblings to our colleagues. Take a moment to become conscious of the impact your roles have on your current life.
1-What was your job in your family of origin? Did you make people laugh, stir up trouble, create chaos, rebel, keep the peace, compete, make yourself invisible, do all the work, try to be perfect?
2-Who were your allies in the family (people who supported you)?
3-Were you in a coalition with someone (ganging up against someone else)?
4-Were you the black sheep (different/outsider)?
5-What were the rules in your family (even if they were never spoken)?
6- What were your family's expectations of you? Were you expected to take over the family business, marry someone from your culture or religion, get rich and support your family?
7-What did your family stand for and value? (success, family, patriotism, community involvement, education, athletics)
8-How would you qualify the relationship between your parents and among your family members? (intimate, close, loving, supportive or cold, divided, chaotic, violent, numb)
Once you've answered these questions, examine your current lifestyle and relationships, at home and at work. Can you see the connections between your life and your foundation? I would be very surprised if you didn't. Once you make peace with your family of origin and heal early wounds, the troubling people in your present will lose their hold on you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Who are you? I mean in your family. What is your role? Where do you fit in the puzzle of your family? Whenever I offer a team building workshop for small groups I like to explore this question. We are complex human beings. We may be controlling and bossy at work then dependent and quiet at home. Each environment brings out a different aspect of us.
The thing is, we often walk right into the same role at work and in our romantic relationship as we had in our family of origin. Were you the peacemaker at home? Are you the only one still talking to everyone at work? The one every member of the team confides in? Were you a caregiver when you were growing up, caring for an alcoholic parent? You may be determined to marry someone who doesn't drink but you end up with someone who depends on you in other ways. Are all your employers incompetent people who need your expertise to succeed, just another expression of the same pattern.
If each employee is carrying a role from his/her family of origin but is unaware of it, then each conflict at work is perceived as new and unique to that specific working relationship. What happens when you recognize a pattern, when you realize that this is just an extension of your previous role from your family of origin? It depersonalizes the conflict at work, it brings you back to the original relationship to figure out what needs to be resolved. You can make choices from a place of awareness. The intensity of the conflict vanishes. You are able to question your perception. "Are they excluding me or am I imagining that they would prefer it if I didn't join them because I felt like an outsider in my family of origin"? The ability to check the validity of your perceptions is empowering.
Have you ever noticed how the same family story can be told differently by the family members who were there? We carry our stories with us. We tell our partner, our children, our friends and colleagues our version of these stories. They become a part of our identity. They influence the way we interact with others, our expectations of them. We change, our loved ones change but we interact as if everything is the same. Isn't it funny how we become 5 years old when we bump into our kindergarten teacher. We are full grown with children of our own but we find ourselves greeting her the same way, with the same tone: "Hello Mrs Birke"!
We project these behaviors onto new people. We transfer our fear of parents onto authority figures, our desire to please to other men or women, our competitiveness from our siblings to our colleagues. Take a moment to become conscious of the impact your roles have on your current life.
1-What was your job in your family of origin? Did you make people laugh, stir up trouble, create chaos, rebel, keep the peace, compete, make yourself invisible, do all the work, try to be perfect?
2-Who were your allies in the family (people who supported you)?
3-Were you in a coalition with someone (ganging up against someone else)?
4-Were you the black sheep (different/outsider)?
5-What were the rules in your family (even if they were never spoken)?
6- What were your family's expectations of you? Were you expected to take over the family business, marry someone from your culture or religion, get rich and support your family?
7-What did your family stand for and value? (success, family, patriotism, community involvement, education, athletics)
8-How would you qualify the relationship between your parents and among your family members? (intimate, close, loving, supportive or cold, divided, chaotic, violent, numb)
Once you've answered these questions, examine your current lifestyle and relationships, at home and at work. Can you see the connections between your life and your foundation? I would be very surprised if you didn't. Once you make peace with your family of origin and heal early wounds, the troubling people in your present will lose their hold on you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday 13 March 2016
Night Talks
March 13th, 2016
Every night, my girls want to talk before bed. I used to read stories to them then, we started to make up our own stories, now we have graduated to talking about life. My eldest usually initiates this: "Can we just talk, Mom?" What I find interesting is that I am around throughout the day on weekends, trying to connect with them. This can be difficult at times because they want to do different activities and they each want me to choose their activity. I have to bargain, promising to draw with my eldest then play dolls with my youngest. During the day, they seem so mature. I get a few eye rolls or they resist what I am asking them to do. "Brush my teeth? Why? I'm not going out today?" When night comes around, they want to cuddle and talk. I love it!
They talk about school. I find out who they play with at recess, those friends are sometimes different from the ones who come over for playdates. They tell me their stories about who they "broke up" with and why. They hint at some girls who are mean to them. They ask questions they may not ask during the day when we can see each other's faces.
They confess their fears and share their dreams. My eldest is trying to decide how famous she wants to be. She hates the thought of papparazzi being in her face with their cameras but she is determined to become a superstar. She once described her entire tour schedule. Apparently, her entire tour ends in Brazil. We have never been to Brazil or even talked about Brazil but she studied her map of the world and chose a variety of locations to ensure she spreads herself evenly around the globe. Both my daughters don't want to have children because they don't want their bellies to look like mine :). My eldest wants to get married, my youngest isn't interested in marriage. They both swear they will never move away. They want to stay in their room at the house for the rest of their lives.
I enjoy these conversations because I get to convey my values without preaching, just by responding to their questions and stories. Sometimes I tell them about a mistake I made when I was little and what happened as a consequence. Lately, I've been trying to introduce them to music. On Friday, as we were celebrating the start of March Break, I wanted to share Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd. They were not interested in hearing my "old, boring" music. My husband tries to tell them about David Bowie and the Beatles (more eye rolling from the girls). At least, my eldest is hooked on Michael Jackson. I was a huge fan of his when I was her age. One night, we watched a bunch of his videos, singing and dancing along as a family and she was hooked. Now she imitates him, as I used to do at her age, she has a poster of him in her room and she wishes she could have met him when he was alive.
I am happy and proud to have our night talks. Right now the girls fight to spend time with me but, one day, soon enough, they will be teenagers and they will be harder to reach. I hope our talks create a ritual that maintains the lines of communication open for when we need it the most.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Every night, my girls want to talk before bed. I used to read stories to them then, we started to make up our own stories, now we have graduated to talking about life. My eldest usually initiates this: "Can we just talk, Mom?" What I find interesting is that I am around throughout the day on weekends, trying to connect with them. This can be difficult at times because they want to do different activities and they each want me to choose their activity. I have to bargain, promising to draw with my eldest then play dolls with my youngest. During the day, they seem so mature. I get a few eye rolls or they resist what I am asking them to do. "Brush my teeth? Why? I'm not going out today?" When night comes around, they want to cuddle and talk. I love it!
They talk about school. I find out who they play with at recess, those friends are sometimes different from the ones who come over for playdates. They tell me their stories about who they "broke up" with and why. They hint at some girls who are mean to them. They ask questions they may not ask during the day when we can see each other's faces.
They confess their fears and share their dreams. My eldest is trying to decide how famous she wants to be. She hates the thought of papparazzi being in her face with their cameras but she is determined to become a superstar. She once described her entire tour schedule. Apparently, her entire tour ends in Brazil. We have never been to Brazil or even talked about Brazil but she studied her map of the world and chose a variety of locations to ensure she spreads herself evenly around the globe. Both my daughters don't want to have children because they don't want their bellies to look like mine :). My eldest wants to get married, my youngest isn't interested in marriage. They both swear they will never move away. They want to stay in their room at the house for the rest of their lives.
I enjoy these conversations because I get to convey my values without preaching, just by responding to their questions and stories. Sometimes I tell them about a mistake I made when I was little and what happened as a consequence. Lately, I've been trying to introduce them to music. On Friday, as we were celebrating the start of March Break, I wanted to share Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd. They were not interested in hearing my "old, boring" music. My husband tries to tell them about David Bowie and the Beatles (more eye rolling from the girls). At least, my eldest is hooked on Michael Jackson. I was a huge fan of his when I was her age. One night, we watched a bunch of his videos, singing and dancing along as a family and she was hooked. Now she imitates him, as I used to do at her age, she has a poster of him in her room and she wishes she could have met him when he was alive.
I am happy and proud to have our night talks. Right now the girls fight to spend time with me but, one day, soon enough, they will be teenagers and they will be harder to reach. I hope our talks create a ritual that maintains the lines of communication open for when we need it the most.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Book of the Week-Year of Yes
March 12th, 2016
I am so excited to share this book with you. I purchased this week's book at the pharmacy. I recognized the author's name, Shonda Rhimes. I knew that name but I coudn't figure out how I knew it. As I read through the book I learned that she is a writer and has written many successful television series such as Grey's Anatomy. I never watched that show so I still don't know why her name was so familiar.
I read the book in three days. It was just one of those books. Shonda and I have a great deal in common. As a child, she had this active imagination and she liked to sit in the pantry and invent people, places and stories. When she became famous and was suddenly in the spotlight, out of her comfort zone. Shonda worked very hard but she tried to become invisible. She ate her emotions, stuffing them deeper, silencing them, numbing herself in the process. She gained weight and said no to the many networking opportunities that were presented to her. She was successful but tired and unhappy.
One day, her sister reprimanded her for saying no to everything. This accusation sat in her brain and simmered until she came to the conclusion that her sister was right. She did say no to everything. This kept her safe and comfortable. She wasn't challenging herself. Shonda decided she would commit to saying yes to every opportunity that presented itself over the course of a year. She faced her fear of public speaking and her discomfort with the small talk that is required during social obligations. She stopped suppressing her emotions with food, worked out, ate a healthier dit and lost over 100lbs. She dived into difficult conversations and speaking her truth became easier. She worked through her identity as a mother, accepting that she was a career woman who had help from a nanny and did not have time to bake goods for the bake sale. She found the courage to turn down an engagement to a wonderful man because she doesn't want to be married.
As she says yes to people and opportunities, she becomes more clear about what she wants and what she doesn't. She loses a few friends who do not like the new direct, happy, assertive, fulfilled person she has become. However, she gains peace and self-love. She is grounded and the friends she has are true friends. On page 178, she writes: "The point of this whole Year of Yes project is to say yes to things that scare me, that challenge me. So in order to YES a problem, I have to find whatever it is inside the problem that challenges me or scares me or makes me just freak out-and then I have to say yes to that thing". She calls this new approach to life, becoming a "badass".
Throughout the book, Shonda talks about the joys and challenges of motherhood. She has to re-connect to her playful self. As an adult with many responsibilities who lives in her head, she must train herself to be in the moment and play. She commits to turn off her phone at 6pm every day and, as much as she can, not work on weekends. She decides she will say yes every time her children want her to play or listen to them because she can generally give them 15 minutes then they move on to something else. She talks about the judging that happens among women: the working moms against the stay-at-home moms and she wonders why we can't just mother in our own way and be supportive of each other. She points out the need for support as mothers, how we used to get that from neighbors, friends and families but that is rare these days with everyone doing their own thing. She relates a story of her desire to style her hair like Whitney Houston when she was younger. She was so discouraged by her failed attempts until she was informed that Whitney wore a wig. Being a mom is like that, we imagine every other mom has got it all under control and this puts pressure and unrealistic expectations on us. If we are honest with each other and admit our need for support or, that we have a great network of support helping us, it creates a space for moms to reach out for help without feeling any shame about it.
I absolutely loved this book. It was empowering, thought-provoking and inspiring.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I am so excited to share this book with you. I purchased this week's book at the pharmacy. I recognized the author's name, Shonda Rhimes. I knew that name but I coudn't figure out how I knew it. As I read through the book I learned that she is a writer and has written many successful television series such as Grey's Anatomy. I never watched that show so I still don't know why her name was so familiar.
I read the book in three days. It was just one of those books. Shonda and I have a great deal in common. As a child, she had this active imagination and she liked to sit in the pantry and invent people, places and stories. When she became famous and was suddenly in the spotlight, out of her comfort zone. Shonda worked very hard but she tried to become invisible. She ate her emotions, stuffing them deeper, silencing them, numbing herself in the process. She gained weight and said no to the many networking opportunities that were presented to her. She was successful but tired and unhappy.
One day, her sister reprimanded her for saying no to everything. This accusation sat in her brain and simmered until she came to the conclusion that her sister was right. She did say no to everything. This kept her safe and comfortable. She wasn't challenging herself. Shonda decided she would commit to saying yes to every opportunity that presented itself over the course of a year. She faced her fear of public speaking and her discomfort with the small talk that is required during social obligations. She stopped suppressing her emotions with food, worked out, ate a healthier dit and lost over 100lbs. She dived into difficult conversations and speaking her truth became easier. She worked through her identity as a mother, accepting that she was a career woman who had help from a nanny and did not have time to bake goods for the bake sale. She found the courage to turn down an engagement to a wonderful man because she doesn't want to be married.
As she says yes to people and opportunities, she becomes more clear about what she wants and what she doesn't. She loses a few friends who do not like the new direct, happy, assertive, fulfilled person she has become. However, she gains peace and self-love. She is grounded and the friends she has are true friends. On page 178, she writes: "The point of this whole Year of Yes project is to say yes to things that scare me, that challenge me. So in order to YES a problem, I have to find whatever it is inside the problem that challenges me or scares me or makes me just freak out-and then I have to say yes to that thing". She calls this new approach to life, becoming a "badass".
Throughout the book, Shonda talks about the joys and challenges of motherhood. She has to re-connect to her playful self. As an adult with many responsibilities who lives in her head, she must train herself to be in the moment and play. She commits to turn off her phone at 6pm every day and, as much as she can, not work on weekends. She decides she will say yes every time her children want her to play or listen to them because she can generally give them 15 minutes then they move on to something else. She talks about the judging that happens among women: the working moms against the stay-at-home moms and she wonders why we can't just mother in our own way and be supportive of each other. She points out the need for support as mothers, how we used to get that from neighbors, friends and families but that is rare these days with everyone doing their own thing. She relates a story of her desire to style her hair like Whitney Houston when she was younger. She was so discouraged by her failed attempts until she was informed that Whitney wore a wig. Being a mom is like that, we imagine every other mom has got it all under control and this puts pressure and unrealistic expectations on us. If we are honest with each other and admit our need for support or, that we have a great network of support helping us, it creates a space for moms to reach out for help without feeling any shame about it.
I absolutely loved this book. It was empowering, thought-provoking and inspiring.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday 11 March 2016
Interview with a 40+ Woman
March 11th, 2016
Today, I had an opportunity to sit with a woman I have come to respect. CT is the most positive, open, non-judgmental woman I have ever met and I enjoy her company. We sat in a sunny room, eating scones, drinking lattes and I got to ask my questions.
As I suspected, CT doesn't care about age. She knows people from different age groups and, to her, 40 is just another number. At the age of 43, she hasn't made any major changes in her life. She simply has more clarity about what she wants to do. She feels more committed, less willing to let things "not happen". CT is also less worried about letting people know her views. She now values her experiences. She feels more reflective. She has a growing awareness about how variable time can be. "In your 40s you experience friends and family getting sick".
I asked CT what she has learned about aging from the women around her. "Most of the people I know, aging doesn't bother them. Their metabolism changes, they can't do the same things as before. That may bother them but it's ok. The experience of aging for women has lots of constructs we can't avoid. We gather. My mom still has friends from University. A guy friend of mine meets up with his childhood friend for breakfast once a week. Many enjoy it, being retired. They get to be involved in projects they like". CT talks about friends whose partners are ill or who have their own health issues. "It is not an easier time of life but you have experience to sit on".
CT doesn't think she is any different from her younger self. "It depends on the situation. Personality traits come out more strongly depending on the situation". She is increasingly aware of things like who she is, aspects that are her strengths or other aspects that need some work. Given the chance to start over she doesn't think she would change anything. Asked what she is proud of, CT says she's pretty happy. "I like the people around me, I like the kids around me". Her friends and family are most important to her at this time in her life as well as her health. She turns to friends and family for support when she needs it. When she wants to recharge her batteries, CT goes out for a walk. Walking is integral to her well-being.
I ask CT why she thinks so many women make drastic changes in their 40s. She believes that hormones play a role for sure. "Experiences in your 40s have some meaning. There are changes in your body and your life, good changes but you can't control them. This affects us because we are socialized to control things and we can't. It's worse now, we're told there are pills to change things. Also, you know things now and they can be in conflict". She now understands some of the decisions her parents made when she was growing up. "I now understand that you own your mistakes, you own your choices".
When asked to offer advice to the next generation of teenagers, CT was quiet, contemplating her answer. She varied between no advice "because shitty things can happen" and simply recommending that they "trust in possibilites." She hopes to provide support for the next generation. "They have their own stuff to figure out. This belongs to the 'can't control' category. We all die eventually and when we do, we can leave values behind but we can't control what happens".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today, I had an opportunity to sit with a woman I have come to respect. CT is the most positive, open, non-judgmental woman I have ever met and I enjoy her company. We sat in a sunny room, eating scones, drinking lattes and I got to ask my questions.
As I suspected, CT doesn't care about age. She knows people from different age groups and, to her, 40 is just another number. At the age of 43, she hasn't made any major changes in her life. She simply has more clarity about what she wants to do. She feels more committed, less willing to let things "not happen". CT is also less worried about letting people know her views. She now values her experiences. She feels more reflective. She has a growing awareness about how variable time can be. "In your 40s you experience friends and family getting sick".
I asked CT what she has learned about aging from the women around her. "Most of the people I know, aging doesn't bother them. Their metabolism changes, they can't do the same things as before. That may bother them but it's ok. The experience of aging for women has lots of constructs we can't avoid. We gather. My mom still has friends from University. A guy friend of mine meets up with his childhood friend for breakfast once a week. Many enjoy it, being retired. They get to be involved in projects they like". CT talks about friends whose partners are ill or who have their own health issues. "It is not an easier time of life but you have experience to sit on".
CT doesn't think she is any different from her younger self. "It depends on the situation. Personality traits come out more strongly depending on the situation". She is increasingly aware of things like who she is, aspects that are her strengths or other aspects that need some work. Given the chance to start over she doesn't think she would change anything. Asked what she is proud of, CT says she's pretty happy. "I like the people around me, I like the kids around me". Her friends and family are most important to her at this time in her life as well as her health. She turns to friends and family for support when she needs it. When she wants to recharge her batteries, CT goes out for a walk. Walking is integral to her well-being.
I ask CT why she thinks so many women make drastic changes in their 40s. She believes that hormones play a role for sure. "Experiences in your 40s have some meaning. There are changes in your body and your life, good changes but you can't control them. This affects us because we are socialized to control things and we can't. It's worse now, we're told there are pills to change things. Also, you know things now and they can be in conflict". She now understands some of the decisions her parents made when she was growing up. "I now understand that you own your mistakes, you own your choices".
When asked to offer advice to the next generation of teenagers, CT was quiet, contemplating her answer. She varied between no advice "because shitty things can happen" and simply recommending that they "trust in possibilites." She hopes to provide support for the next generation. "They have their own stuff to figure out. This belongs to the 'can't control' category. We all die eventually and when we do, we can leave values behind but we can't control what happens".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Fitness Epiphany
March 10h, 2016
Yesterday, I went to the gym and worked out. It felt great! I used to head out to the gym three times per week. I was starting to feel comfortable in that environment. I knew which machines to use and had my routine set out for me. Then we had three weeks in a row of 2 snow days.
I should point out that I love snow days. I enjoy the chill pace of my daughters playing in their undies. I hate packing their school lunches and arguing about whether or not they need to wear snowpants or their thick jacket. I love eating when we're hungry and balancing work and play. Hearing them run around and giggle as they dress up the animals or pretend their Monster High dolls are landing on Astro Nova's planet fills me with glee. When the weather cleared up and the girls were, grumpily, back at school, I was hit with a double-deadline, two projects due on the same day. I was too busy to work out. Ironically, I was very stressed so I needed to work out more than ever.
I bought a gym membership last fall because I felt out of shape. I'm not going to lie and say I don't care what size I am as long as I'm healthy. That's not exactly true. My body doesn't look too bad but my extra pounds are not evenly distributed. The fat is all on my bottom and my belly so it's like walking around with a floatie around my waist. I have had a few acquaintances ask me if Vin and I were expecting. That is a kick in the gut for sure. So, I was serious about working out and feeling fit when I purchased my membership. I have always been skinny. I was one of those people who could eat whatever I wanted and not gain a pound. So, being overweight doesn't feel right, it feels like I've borrowed someone's body.
I am pretty determined so, when I pick a goal, I go for it full force. I was progressing well for a few months then I weighed myself. My weight had not budged at all. I know most trainers tell you not to weigh yourself because muscle weighs more than fat so the numbers on the scale are not encouraging at first but, I was feeling good and I thought for sure I would see a difference. I felt really discouraged.
Lately, I have noticed a pattern. I saw it in other women first but I know it to be true for me as well. I have goals, activities I wish to pursue but, they have to fit around the activities of the people around me. I plan to head off to the gym once the girls are on the bus but my husband needs me to run an errand for him and then we have lunch and then I need to get groceries and then there are e-mails that require my attention and then, it's almost time for the girls to get home. I tell myself I will work out first thing the next day but, the same pattern repeats itself. My stuff gets moved to the bottom of the pile. It's no one else's fault, I am driving my bus. Why do I put myself last?
Not working out as I had planned brought this realization to my awareness. I see it in the lives of women around me and in my own life, not just around fitness but career, socializing, personal development and spiritual pursuits. This is part of self-care, engaging in meaningful activities and expecting loved ones to support you. The fact is, I want to feel and look fit, working out helps my body deal with stress and increases the likelihood that I will be around long enough to raise my daughters and retire with my husband. Fitness is a valid pursuit and I need to protect it.
I am grateful for the opportunity to observe this pattern in my life. My fitness goals are now part of a much larger self-care plan, one that includes the gym, a budget for healthy groceries, space to create and time for supportive friendships. To all my wonderful, strong, beautiful women friends, I encourage you to assess your own patterns. How much time is left in your day for the activities and people who matter to you?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Yesterday, I went to the gym and worked out. It felt great! I used to head out to the gym three times per week. I was starting to feel comfortable in that environment. I knew which machines to use and had my routine set out for me. Then we had three weeks in a row of 2 snow days.
I should point out that I love snow days. I enjoy the chill pace of my daughters playing in their undies. I hate packing their school lunches and arguing about whether or not they need to wear snowpants or their thick jacket. I love eating when we're hungry and balancing work and play. Hearing them run around and giggle as they dress up the animals or pretend their Monster High dolls are landing on Astro Nova's planet fills me with glee. When the weather cleared up and the girls were, grumpily, back at school, I was hit with a double-deadline, two projects due on the same day. I was too busy to work out. Ironically, I was very stressed so I needed to work out more than ever.
I bought a gym membership last fall because I felt out of shape. I'm not going to lie and say I don't care what size I am as long as I'm healthy. That's not exactly true. My body doesn't look too bad but my extra pounds are not evenly distributed. The fat is all on my bottom and my belly so it's like walking around with a floatie around my waist. I have had a few acquaintances ask me if Vin and I were expecting. That is a kick in the gut for sure. So, I was serious about working out and feeling fit when I purchased my membership. I have always been skinny. I was one of those people who could eat whatever I wanted and not gain a pound. So, being overweight doesn't feel right, it feels like I've borrowed someone's body.
I am pretty determined so, when I pick a goal, I go for it full force. I was progressing well for a few months then I weighed myself. My weight had not budged at all. I know most trainers tell you not to weigh yourself because muscle weighs more than fat so the numbers on the scale are not encouraging at first but, I was feeling good and I thought for sure I would see a difference. I felt really discouraged.
Lately, I have noticed a pattern. I saw it in other women first but I know it to be true for me as well. I have goals, activities I wish to pursue but, they have to fit around the activities of the people around me. I plan to head off to the gym once the girls are on the bus but my husband needs me to run an errand for him and then we have lunch and then I need to get groceries and then there are e-mails that require my attention and then, it's almost time for the girls to get home. I tell myself I will work out first thing the next day but, the same pattern repeats itself. My stuff gets moved to the bottom of the pile. It's no one else's fault, I am driving my bus. Why do I put myself last?
Not working out as I had planned brought this realization to my awareness. I see it in the lives of women around me and in my own life, not just around fitness but career, socializing, personal development and spiritual pursuits. This is part of self-care, engaging in meaningful activities and expecting loved ones to support you. The fact is, I want to feel and look fit, working out helps my body deal with stress and increases the likelihood that I will be around long enough to raise my daughters and retire with my husband. Fitness is a valid pursuit and I need to protect it.
I am grateful for the opportunity to observe this pattern in my life. My fitness goals are now part of a much larger self-care plan, one that includes the gym, a budget for healthy groceries, space to create and time for supportive friendships. To all my wonderful, strong, beautiful women friends, I encourage you to assess your own patterns. How much time is left in your day for the activities and people who matter to you?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday 10 March 2016
Learning
March 9th, 2016
I love reading, writing and watching documentaries. I am very curious and, thankfully, my husband and children share my thirst for knowledge. I am puzzled by our school system. Our teachers are trained to transfer their knowledge to students but we keep increasing class sizes while decreasing support. I have two daughters. I love them and do my best as their parent but it's a tough job being a mom (or dad). I can't imagine being alone with thirty students, having to be a good role model, managing behaviours and teaching skills to these students so they perform well during testing by the Ministry of Education. I think it's time we take a good look at what we are trying to achieve and support teachers in reaching these goals.
Children are naturally curious. They observe and ask questions, they touch everything. They do NOT like to sit still for long periods of time and, if you talk to them for longer than five minutes, you can be sure they are not listening. They are busy using their active imagination. We know children love playing outdoors, they learn from one another and by observing adults, they want to explore new objects and environments. However, we design classrooms to encourage sitting and place desks strategically so students are all facing and listening to the adult.
As a college professor, I challenged myself to teach in ways that involved every student in my class. I would start with a story to set up the theme of the day and engage my auditory students. I showed a brief video clip or drawing to reach the visual students. They could download note outlines which helped them organize the information. We woud then have an activity to provide hands-on instruction for kinesthetic learners. In this way, every student learned the same information in their own way.
Once my daughters started school, I noticed their attitude toward their homework. They would tell me they spent a lot of time doing these exact same activities at school. They didn't understand the need to do more of the same thing at home. I watched their enthusiasm for learning fade over time. This worried me because I wanted them to stay curious and excited about learning new things. I started looking into different types of schools.
Montessori schools organize their classrooms into learning areas so students can visit the different sections and learn by interacting with the supplies. The teacher respects the interests of each student and facilitates learning. One example that impressed me was how students learned about geography. Instead of speaking about a place that exists far away as an abstract concept, students were assembling a puzzle of a world map so they learned where each continent and country belonged. They also ate foods from various areas, did art about the flags of different countries and practiced traditions. The students were moving around the class, learning at their own pace, following their interests.
What appealed to me about Waldorf schools was their connection to nature and creativity. There is a return to craftsmanship as students learn to bake bread, weave scarves and carve sculptures out of wood. Students are encouraged to express themselves and teachers support their development in holistic ways. There is a rich culture and many traditions within this school setting. I took my girls to a few Waldorf festivals and noticed that many age groups were learning the same topic at varying levels of maturity reflected in the expectations placed on them during the activity. It felt like a very respectful, wholesome learning environment.
The Reggio approach is my favorite. Reggio schools focus on the curiosity of students. They develop entire lesson plans around the interests of their students. Students may ask a question or perhaps something is happening in the world at that time that the students are trying to understand. The teacher organizes a project that the classroom can work on collaboratively. Teachers and students are exploring this topic together, learning from each other. This is a very exciting, active way of learning. What I love most is that all students are involved in the learning process in a non-competitive way.
Teachers start out with a passion for learning and teaching as well as a love of children. They need support through manageable class sizes, teacher's assistants and access to exciting resource materials. Also, if teachers can work together on lesson plans, each one building on what the other has taught, there will be more collaboration, less stress and better results.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I love reading, writing and watching documentaries. I am very curious and, thankfully, my husband and children share my thirst for knowledge. I am puzzled by our school system. Our teachers are trained to transfer their knowledge to students but we keep increasing class sizes while decreasing support. I have two daughters. I love them and do my best as their parent but it's a tough job being a mom (or dad). I can't imagine being alone with thirty students, having to be a good role model, managing behaviours and teaching skills to these students so they perform well during testing by the Ministry of Education. I think it's time we take a good look at what we are trying to achieve and support teachers in reaching these goals.
Children are naturally curious. They observe and ask questions, they touch everything. They do NOT like to sit still for long periods of time and, if you talk to them for longer than five minutes, you can be sure they are not listening. They are busy using their active imagination. We know children love playing outdoors, they learn from one another and by observing adults, they want to explore new objects and environments. However, we design classrooms to encourage sitting and place desks strategically so students are all facing and listening to the adult.
As a college professor, I challenged myself to teach in ways that involved every student in my class. I would start with a story to set up the theme of the day and engage my auditory students. I showed a brief video clip or drawing to reach the visual students. They could download note outlines which helped them organize the information. We woud then have an activity to provide hands-on instruction for kinesthetic learners. In this way, every student learned the same information in their own way.
Once my daughters started school, I noticed their attitude toward their homework. They would tell me they spent a lot of time doing these exact same activities at school. They didn't understand the need to do more of the same thing at home. I watched their enthusiasm for learning fade over time. This worried me because I wanted them to stay curious and excited about learning new things. I started looking into different types of schools.
Montessori schools organize their classrooms into learning areas so students can visit the different sections and learn by interacting with the supplies. The teacher respects the interests of each student and facilitates learning. One example that impressed me was how students learned about geography. Instead of speaking about a place that exists far away as an abstract concept, students were assembling a puzzle of a world map so they learned where each continent and country belonged. They also ate foods from various areas, did art about the flags of different countries and practiced traditions. The students were moving around the class, learning at their own pace, following their interests.
What appealed to me about Waldorf schools was their connection to nature and creativity. There is a return to craftsmanship as students learn to bake bread, weave scarves and carve sculptures out of wood. Students are encouraged to express themselves and teachers support their development in holistic ways. There is a rich culture and many traditions within this school setting. I took my girls to a few Waldorf festivals and noticed that many age groups were learning the same topic at varying levels of maturity reflected in the expectations placed on them during the activity. It felt like a very respectful, wholesome learning environment.
The Reggio approach is my favorite. Reggio schools focus on the curiosity of students. They develop entire lesson plans around the interests of their students. Students may ask a question or perhaps something is happening in the world at that time that the students are trying to understand. The teacher organizes a project that the classroom can work on collaboratively. Teachers and students are exploring this topic together, learning from each other. This is a very exciting, active way of learning. What I love most is that all students are involved in the learning process in a non-competitive way.
Teachers start out with a passion for learning and teaching as well as a love of children. They need support through manageable class sizes, teacher's assistants and access to exciting resource materials. Also, if teachers can work together on lesson plans, each one building on what the other has taught, there will be more collaboration, less stress and better results.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sex is like Wine: It gets better with age
March 8th, 2016
When I was teaching a course called, Recreation for Older Adults, I spent some time going over misconceptions about older adults. Young college students believed older adults are not sexual. They are kindly old people who tell stories and bake apple pies. We discussed these misconceptions to get our facts straight and, by the end of that first class, students were looking at their elders in a whole different way.
If you have worked with older adults, chances are you learned very quickly that their sex drive is NOT dead. In my first week working in long term care, I had my bottom pinched and slapped, male residents gave me compliments and asked me if I was married, they joked about the kinds of services they wanted and, they stared at my breasts while I fed them at lunch time. The ladies on my unit would fight over any new male resident. They would buy sweets at the coffee shop for him, they wore their best outfits and, I noticed the lipstick and blush making a sudden appearance. The ladies would head over to the male resident early to chat with him before the others had a chance. It was game on!
The data supports my statement that sex gets better with age. When you are young, you are still learning the basics about how your bits work. You are experimenting which is exciting but your partner is experimenting too so there's some hits and misses. If you are like most young women, you are focused on how you look: Does this thong make my butt look big? You are also wondering if the guy you are with likes you a little or a lot, as much as you want him to like you. During sex, you may be so precoccupied with making him feel good that you forget about your own needs. In movies, you see women who cum on command. The guy pulls down her undies and he's in. She instantly moans and has a mind-blowing orgasm. Really?
As you age, you have more knowledge about your body. You know what sets you off and you can guide your partner or do it yourself. Once you've reached menopause or you've had your tubes tied or your husband has had a vasectomy, you can enjoy sex without worrying about getting pregnant. When you are in a long term relationship, you feel connected to your partner, you trust and love each other, this adds intimacy to your sexual encounters. There is a peak in libido for women in midlife which means your husband will get more than he bargained for but I don't think he'll complain. Also, it takes longer for men to get hard and they can last longer. We've all experienced sex with a young adult who is so excited to be having sex that he ejaculates right out of the gate. Bummer! Older men can give you more bang for your buck which means you are not rushing to cum before he does.
Having sex is very healthy. Your blood is flowing through your body, including your all-important brain, your muscles get a workout and your heart is pumping hard. Your vagina also stays lubricated and flexible for future use if it is getting some action on a regular basis. You feel alive, vibrant and sexy into old age while maintaining a level of intimacy with your partner (instead of becoming Ernie and Bert). So we all need to stop treating older adults like they have no sex life. Media should portray the elderly in a more realistic light and we need to be living according to our own needs, not trying to live up to some external expectation: cut your hair, wear modest clothing and sensible shoes etc.. Boring!!!
I love meeting women who are older, vibrant, healthy, active and enjoying their life. That's the way I plan to age. What about you?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
When I was teaching a course called, Recreation for Older Adults, I spent some time going over misconceptions about older adults. Young college students believed older adults are not sexual. They are kindly old people who tell stories and bake apple pies. We discussed these misconceptions to get our facts straight and, by the end of that first class, students were looking at their elders in a whole different way.
If you have worked with older adults, chances are you learned very quickly that their sex drive is NOT dead. In my first week working in long term care, I had my bottom pinched and slapped, male residents gave me compliments and asked me if I was married, they joked about the kinds of services they wanted and, they stared at my breasts while I fed them at lunch time. The ladies on my unit would fight over any new male resident. They would buy sweets at the coffee shop for him, they wore their best outfits and, I noticed the lipstick and blush making a sudden appearance. The ladies would head over to the male resident early to chat with him before the others had a chance. It was game on!
The data supports my statement that sex gets better with age. When you are young, you are still learning the basics about how your bits work. You are experimenting which is exciting but your partner is experimenting too so there's some hits and misses. If you are like most young women, you are focused on how you look: Does this thong make my butt look big? You are also wondering if the guy you are with likes you a little or a lot, as much as you want him to like you. During sex, you may be so precoccupied with making him feel good that you forget about your own needs. In movies, you see women who cum on command. The guy pulls down her undies and he's in. She instantly moans and has a mind-blowing orgasm. Really?
As you age, you have more knowledge about your body. You know what sets you off and you can guide your partner or do it yourself. Once you've reached menopause or you've had your tubes tied or your husband has had a vasectomy, you can enjoy sex without worrying about getting pregnant. When you are in a long term relationship, you feel connected to your partner, you trust and love each other, this adds intimacy to your sexual encounters. There is a peak in libido for women in midlife which means your husband will get more than he bargained for but I don't think he'll complain. Also, it takes longer for men to get hard and they can last longer. We've all experienced sex with a young adult who is so excited to be having sex that he ejaculates right out of the gate. Bummer! Older men can give you more bang for your buck which means you are not rushing to cum before he does.
Having sex is very healthy. Your blood is flowing through your body, including your all-important brain, your muscles get a workout and your heart is pumping hard. Your vagina also stays lubricated and flexible for future use if it is getting some action on a regular basis. You feel alive, vibrant and sexy into old age while maintaining a level of intimacy with your partner (instead of becoming Ernie and Bert). So we all need to stop treating older adults like they have no sex life. Media should portray the elderly in a more realistic light and we need to be living according to our own needs, not trying to live up to some external expectation: cut your hair, wear modest clothing and sensible shoes etc.. Boring!!!
I love meeting women who are older, vibrant, healthy, active and enjoying their life. That's the way I plan to age. What about you?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday 9 March 2016
Why Teens Benefit from Art Therapy
March 7th, 2016
I had the opportunity to offer a stress management art therapy workshop to a group of high school students. I thoroughly enjoyed it and so did the students.
When I started my business, Art & Soul, I was marketing myself to women in midlife. I felt that I could help them because I was also a woman in midlife so I could relate and understand what they were going through. I did get clients in this demographic but many of them asked me to see their children or teenagers.
I ended up with a larger than expected teenage clientèle. Here is what I have noticed about teenagers doing art therapy.
1-Teenagers don't necessarily want to look at an adult while they talk. Have you ever noticed that your teenager talks to you the most when you are driving? Does your teen prefer texting you than talking to you face-to-face even though you are under the same roof? It can feel awkward to talk to an adult while they are looking at you. Eye contact in general can feel intrusive. Art therapy works because the teenage client can get to work painting, drawing or sculpting as we talk.
2-Teenagers are very creative and, it is part of their development to explore ideas, thoughts, beliefs. They are forming their sense of self and naturally turn to creative pursuits to explore different personas, ideas, beliefs and behaviors. The art is a perfect tool for this. Rather than dread the moment when they must meet with an adult and talk about problems, they can look forward to an opportunity to represent issues in a 3D, visual way, externalising and manipulating it.
3-Teenagers don't necessarily trust adults. When teenagers have been beaten or physically/emotionally abused, they may feel very vulnerable during a conversation with their therapist. They have a set amount of time and they are expected to sit down and tell this stranger what they are experiencing. The art provides an option to express information in a progressive way as trust levels grow. The therapist becomes a witness of this creative process, not an interrogator (which is how teen clients have said they feel during verbal therapy).
4-The element of choice is important to everyone, especially teenagers. My teen clients may have chosen to see me, often it is the parent who is sending them. In art therapy, they have many choices which helps them feel empowered. They choose whether to talk or create or do both at the same time. They choose which art material to use and how to apply it. They can add messages in writing on their work to provide additional information to the therapist or parent, something they wouldn't be able to say in person.
Teenagers have told me that they like having a quiet space where they can come and work at their own pace. They are very bright and enjoy observing the progression of their work when we do an art review. They notice the patterns in their work and find journaling helpful in making connections to these patterns. They are in control and feel more and more confident in their creative process. The art miroirs back to them and they gain a strong, grounded sense of who they are and what they are about. Creative exploration should be a valued part of the curriculum in high schools. Once a safe class environment is created, students could learn more compassion for one another as they each work through their issues in a creative way.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I had the opportunity to offer a stress management art therapy workshop to a group of high school students. I thoroughly enjoyed it and so did the students.
When I started my business, Art & Soul, I was marketing myself to women in midlife. I felt that I could help them because I was also a woman in midlife so I could relate and understand what they were going through. I did get clients in this demographic but many of them asked me to see their children or teenagers.
I ended up with a larger than expected teenage clientèle. Here is what I have noticed about teenagers doing art therapy.
1-Teenagers don't necessarily want to look at an adult while they talk. Have you ever noticed that your teenager talks to you the most when you are driving? Does your teen prefer texting you than talking to you face-to-face even though you are under the same roof? It can feel awkward to talk to an adult while they are looking at you. Eye contact in general can feel intrusive. Art therapy works because the teenage client can get to work painting, drawing or sculpting as we talk.
2-Teenagers are very creative and, it is part of their development to explore ideas, thoughts, beliefs. They are forming their sense of self and naturally turn to creative pursuits to explore different personas, ideas, beliefs and behaviors. The art is a perfect tool for this. Rather than dread the moment when they must meet with an adult and talk about problems, they can look forward to an opportunity to represent issues in a 3D, visual way, externalising and manipulating it.
3-Teenagers don't necessarily trust adults. When teenagers have been beaten or physically/emotionally abused, they may feel very vulnerable during a conversation with their therapist. They have a set amount of time and they are expected to sit down and tell this stranger what they are experiencing. The art provides an option to express information in a progressive way as trust levels grow. The therapist becomes a witness of this creative process, not an interrogator (which is how teen clients have said they feel during verbal therapy).
4-The element of choice is important to everyone, especially teenagers. My teen clients may have chosen to see me, often it is the parent who is sending them. In art therapy, they have many choices which helps them feel empowered. They choose whether to talk or create or do both at the same time. They choose which art material to use and how to apply it. They can add messages in writing on their work to provide additional information to the therapist or parent, something they wouldn't be able to say in person.
Teenagers have told me that they like having a quiet space where they can come and work at their own pace. They are very bright and enjoy observing the progression of their work when we do an art review. They notice the patterns in their work and find journaling helpful in making connections to these patterns. They are in control and feel more and more confident in their creative process. The art miroirs back to them and they gain a strong, grounded sense of who they are and what they are about. Creative exploration should be a valued part of the curriculum in high schools. Once a safe class environment is created, students could learn more compassion for one another as they each work through their issues in a creative way.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Male Caregivers
March 6th, 2016
I learned a lot from working in long term care. One of the things I noticed was how men and women approach caregiving. I was so intrigued that I did a research paper about it and was blown away by what I discovered.
Traditionally, women have been the caregivers. We are more likely to choose careers that involve caregiving such as nursing, teaching, social worker, speech pathologist, personal support worker etc. In our households, women generally took care of the children's needs and were more likely to take a maternity leave to devote as much time as possible with our children. We take care of our spouse, maintain connections with other family members, even our in-laws and we host gatherings in our homes.
Traditionally, men, in contrast, have worked outside the home and invested more time in relationships with colleagues or business contacts. They go to work, play a round of golf, stop off at the pub for a drink on their way home etc. At least, that is the way it used to be.
According to my research, as we age, women and men want different things. Women have raised their children and are looking for opportunities to connect with the outside world. They might go back to school to get a degree or get a job where they can use their skills and feel competent. Men have reached a certain level in their career and they are turning toward the homefront, looking for ways to contribute and connect with loved ones. They may mentor one of the adult offsprings or spend more time with them.
Here is the interesting part from a long term care perspective: when an aging parent needs care, each gender has a different reaction. If a woman is experiencing empty nest syndrome, the new caregiving responsibility may be a welcome task. However, if she is still caring for her children or if her children are now grown and she was in the process of training for a new job, this turn of events may leave her feeling resentful. She thought it was her turn to pursue her own goals but now, these have to be put on hold. There were some shocking statistics that indicated that women were more likely to burnout and be abusive toward their ailing parent. They feel burdened, isolated and unsupported.
Men who are asked to help care for an aging parent are more likely to enjoy this opportunity to help out a parent and use it as a bonding experience. They are generally in a position where they can take some time off work or they are retired. The way they care for a parent is different as well. They will ensure that the maintenance of the house and finances are looked after whether they do it themselves or pay someone to do it. They tend to decide what they can do and delegate the rest to others. If they have no siblings to help out, they will pay for the help or make arrangements for the parent to move to a home.
Women take everything on and feel guilty if they delegate caregiving tasks to an agency or personal support worker. Women feel that they should be helping the parent and the parent may encourage this saying they feel uncomfortable when someone else bathes them or that no one else can clean the house to their standards or they may complain about the food that gets delivered to their home. This results in a stressed daughter or daughter-in-law.
In most families there is a primary caregiver, usually a daughter or daughter-in-law. She is the one the parents turn to whenever anything goes wrong. The primary caregiver visits more often, takes on the most responsibilities, knows what medication the parents are taking, when their next appointment is and, who they have seen and for what, in the past. When the parents' health deteriorates, family members defer to the primary caregiver. She may ask for support from siblings but they are used to her doing everything and will most likely not step in or do very little. This is where the danger of burnout begins and why there is a risk that the caregiving relationship will become abusive.
There are lots of holes in our health care system. The caregiver can get lost looking for services that will help fill the gaps in her parent's life. It can seem easier at first just to plug in all those holes on her own. However, as the gaps become wider and the needs get more complex, the caregiver is often confronted with the reality that moving the parent to a facility may be the only logical solution. That is when I met most of the caregivers, during a visit to the long term care facility. The parent would visit, convinced that this was not going to happen. The daughter or daughter-in-law would look around, feeling emotional and guilty, worrying about this important decision, wishing someone else could take over.
We often leave men out of the caregiving equation, yet, research demonstrates that caregiving is developmentally appropriate and beneficial for middle-aged to older men and, that they are skilled at caregiving in a balanced way so they are less likely to burnout. We need to pay attention to this information and apply it by including men in conversations, training and decision-making. It could lead to less women feeling alone and overwhelmed while providing men with an opportunity to use their skills to serve their family. Food for thought.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I learned a lot from working in long term care. One of the things I noticed was how men and women approach caregiving. I was so intrigued that I did a research paper about it and was blown away by what I discovered.
Traditionally, women have been the caregivers. We are more likely to choose careers that involve caregiving such as nursing, teaching, social worker, speech pathologist, personal support worker etc. In our households, women generally took care of the children's needs and were more likely to take a maternity leave to devote as much time as possible with our children. We take care of our spouse, maintain connections with other family members, even our in-laws and we host gatherings in our homes.
Traditionally, men, in contrast, have worked outside the home and invested more time in relationships with colleagues or business contacts. They go to work, play a round of golf, stop off at the pub for a drink on their way home etc. At least, that is the way it used to be.
According to my research, as we age, women and men want different things. Women have raised their children and are looking for opportunities to connect with the outside world. They might go back to school to get a degree or get a job where they can use their skills and feel competent. Men have reached a certain level in their career and they are turning toward the homefront, looking for ways to contribute and connect with loved ones. They may mentor one of the adult offsprings or spend more time with them.
Here is the interesting part from a long term care perspective: when an aging parent needs care, each gender has a different reaction. If a woman is experiencing empty nest syndrome, the new caregiving responsibility may be a welcome task. However, if she is still caring for her children or if her children are now grown and she was in the process of training for a new job, this turn of events may leave her feeling resentful. She thought it was her turn to pursue her own goals but now, these have to be put on hold. There were some shocking statistics that indicated that women were more likely to burnout and be abusive toward their ailing parent. They feel burdened, isolated and unsupported.
Men who are asked to help care for an aging parent are more likely to enjoy this opportunity to help out a parent and use it as a bonding experience. They are generally in a position where they can take some time off work or they are retired. The way they care for a parent is different as well. They will ensure that the maintenance of the house and finances are looked after whether they do it themselves or pay someone to do it. They tend to decide what they can do and delegate the rest to others. If they have no siblings to help out, they will pay for the help or make arrangements for the parent to move to a home.
Women take everything on and feel guilty if they delegate caregiving tasks to an agency or personal support worker. Women feel that they should be helping the parent and the parent may encourage this saying they feel uncomfortable when someone else bathes them or that no one else can clean the house to their standards or they may complain about the food that gets delivered to their home. This results in a stressed daughter or daughter-in-law.
In most families there is a primary caregiver, usually a daughter or daughter-in-law. She is the one the parents turn to whenever anything goes wrong. The primary caregiver visits more often, takes on the most responsibilities, knows what medication the parents are taking, when their next appointment is and, who they have seen and for what, in the past. When the parents' health deteriorates, family members defer to the primary caregiver. She may ask for support from siblings but they are used to her doing everything and will most likely not step in or do very little. This is where the danger of burnout begins and why there is a risk that the caregiving relationship will become abusive.
There are lots of holes in our health care system. The caregiver can get lost looking for services that will help fill the gaps in her parent's life. It can seem easier at first just to plug in all those holes on her own. However, as the gaps become wider and the needs get more complex, the caregiver is often confronted with the reality that moving the parent to a facility may be the only logical solution. That is when I met most of the caregivers, during a visit to the long term care facility. The parent would visit, convinced that this was not going to happen. The daughter or daughter-in-law would look around, feeling emotional and guilty, worrying about this important decision, wishing someone else could take over.
We often leave men out of the caregiving equation, yet, research demonstrates that caregiving is developmentally appropriate and beneficial for middle-aged to older men and, that they are skilled at caregiving in a balanced way so they are less likely to burnout. We need to pay attention to this information and apply it by including men in conversations, training and decision-making. It could lead to less women feeling alone and overwhelmed while providing men with an opportunity to use their skills to serve their family. Food for thought.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday 8 March 2016
Book of the Week-Happiness The Mindful Way: a practical guide by Ken A. Verni
March 5th, 2016
My husband gave me a gift card for Indigo books on Valentine's Day. I really want to be a more focused, grounded, mindful person so when I visited the Indigo store in Barrhaven, I was searching for a book on mindfulness. Some of you may be thinking, you don't need a book about mindfulness, just sit down, be quiet and listen to your breath. This is true but my brain is more receptive to information presented in books. I absorb the information and then I am able to apply it. So, I got a book.
Happiness the Mindful Way is a very thorough book. I chose it because, when I looked at the Table of Contents, I knew I would learn something new.
The book teaches the basics of mindfulness. You learn to switch from doing (which we do most of the time in our race to get everything crossed off our "to-do" lists) to being (as in present in this moment). Ken Verni talks about the importance of acknowledging our thoughts then learning to sweep them away with an imaginary broom. For children, he suggests imagining that they are cats watching a mouse hole, each thought that pops up is a mouse and must be swatted. I like that metaphor.
Next, he turns to emotions and explains that we can notice the emotion and allow it to pass through us without identifying with it. We accept it with compassion. He provides a variety of ways to deal with stress, recognizing triggers and patterns. He also examines our concept of happiness and warns us that we often define our happiness as achieving some fantasy that we project into the future. This prevents us from recognizing happiness in our current life.
Then we learned a variety of mindfulness meditation techniques from focusing on the breath, concentrating on an object, noticing sensations with our five senses, scanning our body, walking meditation, becoming a sturdy mountain and, my new favorite, loving kindness meditation.
I just had a very busy week, preparing for a workshop with 25 teenagers while translation a newsletter for the Canadian Art Therapy Association. I was having issues with technology. You may notice typos as I have been unable to switch my computer back to English. I was very stressed. I tried getting five minutes of mindful breathing into the start of my day and focusing on gratitude through my Gratitude Jar which I started in January. However, the most helpful thing I did was try Loving Kindness meditation.
You start by sitting comfortably and focusing on your breath then you think to yourself: "May I experience loving kindness for myself. May I enjoy happiness, health and peace". That's it, you just sit with these two sentences in your mind and breathe. I felt so much more positive and at peace. The goal is to then entend this wish to others starting with people you love the most, then acquaintances and finally, people you do not like. I used it when my husband was behaving in a way I did not understand. I sent him love and my feelings eased up. Can you imagine how much better our world would be (or, on a smaller scale, our community) if everyone practised this meditation on a daily basis?
Here are the most helpful tips I learned from this book:
You can be mindful anywhere (sitting in a chair, taking your shower, driving somewhere)
Intruding thoughts and strong emotions should not be repressed, embrace them and let them go
Send love to yourself as often as you can, it makes you a better person, more compassionate
Send love to others, including people you don't like, it releases you from the energy that bonds you to them.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul@ripnet.com
My husband gave me a gift card for Indigo books on Valentine's Day. I really want to be a more focused, grounded, mindful person so when I visited the Indigo store in Barrhaven, I was searching for a book on mindfulness. Some of you may be thinking, you don't need a book about mindfulness, just sit down, be quiet and listen to your breath. This is true but my brain is more receptive to information presented in books. I absorb the information and then I am able to apply it. So, I got a book.
Happiness the Mindful Way is a very thorough book. I chose it because, when I looked at the Table of Contents, I knew I would learn something new.
The book teaches the basics of mindfulness. You learn to switch from doing (which we do most of the time in our race to get everything crossed off our "to-do" lists) to being (as in present in this moment). Ken Verni talks about the importance of acknowledging our thoughts then learning to sweep them away with an imaginary broom. For children, he suggests imagining that they are cats watching a mouse hole, each thought that pops up is a mouse and must be swatted. I like that metaphor.
Next, he turns to emotions and explains that we can notice the emotion and allow it to pass through us without identifying with it. We accept it with compassion. He provides a variety of ways to deal with stress, recognizing triggers and patterns. He also examines our concept of happiness and warns us that we often define our happiness as achieving some fantasy that we project into the future. This prevents us from recognizing happiness in our current life.
Then we learned a variety of mindfulness meditation techniques from focusing on the breath, concentrating on an object, noticing sensations with our five senses, scanning our body, walking meditation, becoming a sturdy mountain and, my new favorite, loving kindness meditation.
I just had a very busy week, preparing for a workshop with 25 teenagers while translation a newsletter for the Canadian Art Therapy Association. I was having issues with technology. You may notice typos as I have been unable to switch my computer back to English. I was very stressed. I tried getting five minutes of mindful breathing into the start of my day and focusing on gratitude through my Gratitude Jar which I started in January. However, the most helpful thing I did was try Loving Kindness meditation.
You start by sitting comfortably and focusing on your breath then you think to yourself: "May I experience loving kindness for myself. May I enjoy happiness, health and peace". That's it, you just sit with these two sentences in your mind and breathe. I felt so much more positive and at peace. The goal is to then entend this wish to others starting with people you love the most, then acquaintances and finally, people you do not like. I used it when my husband was behaving in a way I did not understand. I sent him love and my feelings eased up. Can you imagine how much better our world would be (or, on a smaller scale, our community) if everyone practised this meditation on a daily basis?
Here are the most helpful tips I learned from this book:
You can be mindful anywhere (sitting in a chair, taking your shower, driving somewhere)
Intruding thoughts and strong emotions should not be repressed, embrace them and let them go
Send love to yourself as often as you can, it makes you a better person, more compassionate
Send love to others, including people you don't like, it releases you from the energy that bonds you to them.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul@ripnet.com
To be or not to be Gay
March 4th, 2016
I will always remember the day I heard that the man of my dreams was gay. I was 17 years old and madly in lust for someone I had just met. He was a friend of my friends and I met him through them. I asked my friends if he was seeing anyone. They confirmed that he was single. I got all dolled up for the next party. On the bus, as we were getting closer to the party, I was asking questions about my guy. My friends answered my questions but something was wrong. After each answer they would exchange looks and giggle. When they told me not to get my hopes up I got angry. I asked them to explain their behavior: did they think I wasn't good enough for him? They realised they were hurting my feelings and decided to put me out of my misery. They told me: Anne, he's gay.
I had never met a gay person before and was totally ignorant about the whole thing. They had bursted my bubble. At the party, the gay guy was making out with a girl which confused me. Apparently, when he's drunk, he is not as gay? Over the years, we became really close friends. I stopped trying to make him straight and he became my hairstylist, make-up artist and fashion consultant. I was like a live mannequin for him. Oddly enough, he was the first person who made me feel beautiful.
I met many of his boyfriends over the years. We travelled to Montreal together to shop and sit in coffee houses meeting new people. I had always been shy but he was so social that I was able to relax and enjoy meeting new people. My teen years were among the best years of my life-a time of exploration through our theater group, of discovering my beauty and femininity through my gay best friend and, opportunities to meet new people.
My awareness and understanding of what it means to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender grew as I met and became friends with an ever-expanding circle of friends. These relationships made me a more open, relaxed, compassionate person. I met young adults who were being denied as a member of their family because of who they were. I met two individuals who were in the process of changing their sexual identity. The people I met during those years were so authentic, accepting and open. We had meaningful discussions and I thoroughly enjoyed this period of my life.
I recently offered a stress management workshop for teens and I saw the same struggle playing out. It brought it all back for me. Their conflict over pretending to be someone they are not in order to fit in or be who they are and risk rejection. I send love to anyone going through this process of self-discovery. It's not easy but you are beautiful and worthy of love. I hope someone will read these words and feel accepted and loved. Just be yourself, your true friends will stand by you and your life will be much happier because you are being authentic.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I will always remember the day I heard that the man of my dreams was gay. I was 17 years old and madly in lust for someone I had just met. He was a friend of my friends and I met him through them. I asked my friends if he was seeing anyone. They confirmed that he was single. I got all dolled up for the next party. On the bus, as we were getting closer to the party, I was asking questions about my guy. My friends answered my questions but something was wrong. After each answer they would exchange looks and giggle. When they told me not to get my hopes up I got angry. I asked them to explain their behavior: did they think I wasn't good enough for him? They realised they were hurting my feelings and decided to put me out of my misery. They told me: Anne, he's gay.
I had never met a gay person before and was totally ignorant about the whole thing. They had bursted my bubble. At the party, the gay guy was making out with a girl which confused me. Apparently, when he's drunk, he is not as gay? Over the years, we became really close friends. I stopped trying to make him straight and he became my hairstylist, make-up artist and fashion consultant. I was like a live mannequin for him. Oddly enough, he was the first person who made me feel beautiful.
I met many of his boyfriends over the years. We travelled to Montreal together to shop and sit in coffee houses meeting new people. I had always been shy but he was so social that I was able to relax and enjoy meeting new people. My teen years were among the best years of my life-a time of exploration through our theater group, of discovering my beauty and femininity through my gay best friend and, opportunities to meet new people.
My awareness and understanding of what it means to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender grew as I met and became friends with an ever-expanding circle of friends. These relationships made me a more open, relaxed, compassionate person. I met young adults who were being denied as a member of their family because of who they were. I met two individuals who were in the process of changing their sexual identity. The people I met during those years were so authentic, accepting and open. We had meaningful discussions and I thoroughly enjoyed this period of my life.
I recently offered a stress management workshop for teens and I saw the same struggle playing out. It brought it all back for me. Their conflict over pretending to be someone they are not in order to fit in or be who they are and risk rejection. I send love to anyone going through this process of self-discovery. It's not easy but you are beautiful and worthy of love. I hope someone will read these words and feel accepted and loved. Just be yourself, your true friends will stand by you and your life will be much happier because you are being authentic.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Racism
March 3rd, 2016
My husband and I love going to Florida each year. We have plans to visit Arizona, Texas, California and Hawaii. As we watch the rise of Donald Trump and contemplate what the US would become under his presidency, our plans to travel to these destinations seem doubtful. We stopped traveling to Mexico a few years ago because it didn't feel safe anymore. The US will not be any better if Trump gets his way. I am puzzled, not that people like Trump exist but that so many people think he's right. It scares me.
When I was young, I was not aware that I was darker than my white relatives. My mother was white, my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins-all white. No one ever mentioned that I was darker or different. It didn't seem important. In school, I had someone call me the "n" word. I felt the impact of that word, the mean intention and the strong response of those around me. I didn't know what it meant. Eventually, through my own frustration at having no answers for my friends' questions, I reached out to my mother. I asked her: who's my father, why am I darker, am I adopted, where is my father now, did you love each other, why aren't you together anymore?
I learned about my father, his color, the entire story of my conception (more than I wanted to know) and, I was left with more questions but I suddenly feared the answers. How much more information did I want? Was I ready for the answers? I eventually undertsood that my color made me different in the eyes of others. I noticed that most people didn't care what color I was but there were some who treated me different. I couldn't tell who was safe and who wasn't until it was too late. I'd say hello to someone and recognize that hateful, condescending look in their eyes-not safe.
I was in a few situations where I encountered the anger and hatred of others simply due to the color of my skin. It is very frightening to realize that this stranger wants to harm or even kill you and that he feels justified in doing so. I have learned to steer clear of people with that much anger in their heart and, up until now, I have perceived them as a minority.
There is a strong correlation with what happens in the US and what happens here in Canada. When I see people standing by Trump, it shakes me up. I wonder if this is how people truly feel out hère as well. It's not just my safety I worry about. My daughters are not dark but I am. When my daughter came home from her first day at school, I hugged her and asked her about her day. She asked me why I was dark-skinned and she was light-skinned. First day of school. It broke my heart. Like me, the color of our skin had never had any meaning to it until someone pointed it out.
When my eldest daughter was bullied a few years ago, I brought it up to one of the teachers and she asked me if I thought it was because of her tanned skin, because she looked different. I was shocked. It hadn't occured to me.
Regardless of our skin color, we all have feelings, we need to be safe and belong, we want to contribute and be free. I will continue to believe that most people are kind, loving, reasonable people. I will watch closely as the Americans vote for their next President. I hope with all my heart that the US continues to be the land of the free where the rights of all Americans are protected and the value of each individual life is recognized.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
My husband and I love going to Florida each year. We have plans to visit Arizona, Texas, California and Hawaii. As we watch the rise of Donald Trump and contemplate what the US would become under his presidency, our plans to travel to these destinations seem doubtful. We stopped traveling to Mexico a few years ago because it didn't feel safe anymore. The US will not be any better if Trump gets his way. I am puzzled, not that people like Trump exist but that so many people think he's right. It scares me.
When I was young, I was not aware that I was darker than my white relatives. My mother was white, my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins-all white. No one ever mentioned that I was darker or different. It didn't seem important. In school, I had someone call me the "n" word. I felt the impact of that word, the mean intention and the strong response of those around me. I didn't know what it meant. Eventually, through my own frustration at having no answers for my friends' questions, I reached out to my mother. I asked her: who's my father, why am I darker, am I adopted, where is my father now, did you love each other, why aren't you together anymore?
I learned about my father, his color, the entire story of my conception (more than I wanted to know) and, I was left with more questions but I suddenly feared the answers. How much more information did I want? Was I ready for the answers? I eventually undertsood that my color made me different in the eyes of others. I noticed that most people didn't care what color I was but there were some who treated me different. I couldn't tell who was safe and who wasn't until it was too late. I'd say hello to someone and recognize that hateful, condescending look in their eyes-not safe.
I was in a few situations where I encountered the anger and hatred of others simply due to the color of my skin. It is very frightening to realize that this stranger wants to harm or even kill you and that he feels justified in doing so. I have learned to steer clear of people with that much anger in their heart and, up until now, I have perceived them as a minority.
There is a strong correlation with what happens in the US and what happens here in Canada. When I see people standing by Trump, it shakes me up. I wonder if this is how people truly feel out hère as well. It's not just my safety I worry about. My daughters are not dark but I am. When my daughter came home from her first day at school, I hugged her and asked her about her day. She asked me why I was dark-skinned and she was light-skinned. First day of school. It broke my heart. Like me, the color of our skin had never had any meaning to it until someone pointed it out.
When my eldest daughter was bullied a few years ago, I brought it up to one of the teachers and she asked me if I thought it was because of her tanned skin, because she looked different. I was shocked. It hadn't occured to me.
Regardless of our skin color, we all have feelings, we need to be safe and belong, we want to contribute and be free. I will continue to believe that most people are kind, loving, reasonable people. I will watch closely as the Americans vote for their next President. I hope with all my heart that the US continues to be the land of the free where the rights of all Americans are protected and the value of each individual life is recognized.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday 3 March 2016
Solar Systems
March 2nd, 2016
I have been determined to find a way to harvest enough solar energy to run our home off the grid since we moved out to this home in 2006. We have a big beautiful home but our intention when we moved was to simplify. I was thinking we would move to the country and live in a cottage by the lake. I was imagining a downsize but we fell in love with a beautiful home, bigger than our previous home but cheaper due to its location. I figured we could still live a simpler life by having chickens, growing veggies in the garden and using solar and geothermal energy to run our home.
We purchased a geothermal system, we do grow herbs and veggies during the summer and, we hope to have chickens this Spring. However, the solar system still eludes me. We met with a gentleman a few years ago about having solar panels in the field in front of the barn. They took enormous space, it was a long term investment and we were responsible for monitoring the amount of energy generated by our panels through a computer system. We were still paying off our geothermal system so we decided to hold off.
A month ago, my husband was talking about replacing our roof. I visited a local business to discuss the possibility of installing a solar system on our roof. We have a lot of space on our roof and we are a south-facing property. It seemed like a good fit. The estimate came back and, apparently, the best location would be the barn rough. Again, the up-front investment was huge and the return on investment, negligible. I felt very discouraged.
Earlier this week, I saw a Facebook post about Tesla's Powerwall, a battery that hangs like a painting on the wall of your home. I did some research. Could this be a solution? Turns out, you still need solar panels on your roof or on your property to harvest the solar energy, then the battery allows you to use this stored energy during peak hours in the evening. The batteries are meant to last about ten years and their storage capacity is impressive. However, their output is insufficient. You can get about 2KW per Powerball.
I tuned into some Ted Talks about solar energy. The amount of competition among universities to invent the next generation of solar systems reminded me of the race to the moon.
Dave Follett in Solar Energy At The Gigawatt Scale explains that the main issue with solar energy is that the sun is diffuse. We need large solar panels to harvest enough energy which makes this venture very expensive. Dave's solution is to concentrate the sun using mirrors. He demonstrated his model at the University of Arizona which looks like a ferris wheel composed of a steel frame and eight mirrors which magnifies the sun onto photovoltaic cells. He states that you can get the same power from 3 sq inches as you normally get from a 4 by 4 foot area because the solar energy is magnified 1000 times.
Next, I watched a speech by a professor at MIT, Donald Sadoway, The Missing Link to Renewable Energy. He believes the battery is the key to solving the issue of capitalizing on solar energy. He and his team of students invented a liquid metal battery. He was looking for a battery composed of elements that are abundant. His battery uses a low density liquid metal on top (magnesium), a high density liquid metal at the bottom (anemone) and molten salts in the centre. He presented cells stacked into modules then piled into a 40 ft container which creates 2MW hours. Donald says this could support 200 households. Very interesting.
Bill Gross believes the key to achieving more from your solar system is to harvest more solar energy. In, A Solar Energy System That Tracks The Sun, he explains the process he used to come up with his design, a 12 petal unit that tracks the sun for 6.5 hours per day. His system has a modern Stirling engine in the centre. There are sensors on the petals that search for the sun, the petals move to be in the best position to receive solar energy, once they are hot enough, the engine starts, converting the sun energy to electricity.
Finally, I watched Rusty Towell who was inspired by his trip to India where he witnessed the need to simplify how we generate electricity in order to make it accessible. His answer was Thorium. He claims Thorium is present in earth all over the world and we only need a small amount. He uses a Liquid Fluoride Thorium Reactor (LFTR) to produce electricity. The key is to changing the nuclear structure of an atom instead of changing the electron energy levels. By focusing on the nucleus, you produce one million times more energy.
All of these systems are promising. As each inventor is inspired by another, I am hoping that one final version can be invented that is affordable and effective.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I have been determined to find a way to harvest enough solar energy to run our home off the grid since we moved out to this home in 2006. We have a big beautiful home but our intention when we moved was to simplify. I was thinking we would move to the country and live in a cottage by the lake. I was imagining a downsize but we fell in love with a beautiful home, bigger than our previous home but cheaper due to its location. I figured we could still live a simpler life by having chickens, growing veggies in the garden and using solar and geothermal energy to run our home.
We purchased a geothermal system, we do grow herbs and veggies during the summer and, we hope to have chickens this Spring. However, the solar system still eludes me. We met with a gentleman a few years ago about having solar panels in the field in front of the barn. They took enormous space, it was a long term investment and we were responsible for monitoring the amount of energy generated by our panels through a computer system. We were still paying off our geothermal system so we decided to hold off.
A month ago, my husband was talking about replacing our roof. I visited a local business to discuss the possibility of installing a solar system on our roof. We have a lot of space on our roof and we are a south-facing property. It seemed like a good fit. The estimate came back and, apparently, the best location would be the barn rough. Again, the up-front investment was huge and the return on investment, negligible. I felt very discouraged.
Earlier this week, I saw a Facebook post about Tesla's Powerwall, a battery that hangs like a painting on the wall of your home. I did some research. Could this be a solution? Turns out, you still need solar panels on your roof or on your property to harvest the solar energy, then the battery allows you to use this stored energy during peak hours in the evening. The batteries are meant to last about ten years and their storage capacity is impressive. However, their output is insufficient. You can get about 2KW per Powerball.
I tuned into some Ted Talks about solar energy. The amount of competition among universities to invent the next generation of solar systems reminded me of the race to the moon.
Dave Follett in Solar Energy At The Gigawatt Scale explains that the main issue with solar energy is that the sun is diffuse. We need large solar panels to harvest enough energy which makes this venture very expensive. Dave's solution is to concentrate the sun using mirrors. He demonstrated his model at the University of Arizona which looks like a ferris wheel composed of a steel frame and eight mirrors which magnifies the sun onto photovoltaic cells. He states that you can get the same power from 3 sq inches as you normally get from a 4 by 4 foot area because the solar energy is magnified 1000 times.
Next, I watched a speech by a professor at MIT, Donald Sadoway, The Missing Link to Renewable Energy. He believes the battery is the key to solving the issue of capitalizing on solar energy. He and his team of students invented a liquid metal battery. He was looking for a battery composed of elements that are abundant. His battery uses a low density liquid metal on top (magnesium), a high density liquid metal at the bottom (anemone) and molten salts in the centre. He presented cells stacked into modules then piled into a 40 ft container which creates 2MW hours. Donald says this could support 200 households. Very interesting.
Bill Gross believes the key to achieving more from your solar system is to harvest more solar energy. In, A Solar Energy System That Tracks The Sun, he explains the process he used to come up with his design, a 12 petal unit that tracks the sun for 6.5 hours per day. His system has a modern Stirling engine in the centre. There are sensors on the petals that search for the sun, the petals move to be in the best position to receive solar energy, once they are hot enough, the engine starts, converting the sun energy to electricity.
Finally, I watched Rusty Towell who was inspired by his trip to India where he witnessed the need to simplify how we generate electricity in order to make it accessible. His answer was Thorium. He claims Thorium is present in earth all over the world and we only need a small amount. He uses a Liquid Fluoride Thorium Reactor (LFTR) to produce electricity. The key is to changing the nuclear structure of an atom instead of changing the electron energy levels. By focusing on the nucleus, you produce one million times more energy.
All of these systems are promising. As each inventor is inspired by another, I am hoping that one final version can be invented that is affordable and effective.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday 1 March 2016
Iris Apfel
March 1st, 2016
For the past two weeks, the snow storms have kept me home. Unable to get out and meet exciting women to interview, I wrote about Louise Bourgeois last week and now, I'd like to present Iris Apfel. If you work in the fashion industry, then you already know her. However, I will hazard a guess that some of you have never heard of her, I hadn't, but you should.
Last night, my husband and I watched a documentary about this amazing woman. She is 94 years old and lives in New York. At first, I stared at the tv screen, stunned by this larger-than-life woman. She was wearing bright colours, furs, hats, large black-rimmed glasses and massive jewelry. She doesn't like tiny, precious jewelry. She prefers bold pieces that make a statement. Her home is a museum of sorts with wall to wall designer outfits and chunky jewelry from all over the world.
She spoke of her desire to wear jeans when she was younger. She was told that women don't wear jeans. She insisted and, eventually, the store owner sent her a pair of boys' jeans. She wore them and loved it. She accessorized and made them trendy. Throughout the documentary, you can see photographs of her travels. She has been all over the world, purchasing fabrics and jewelry. She explains how to barter with merchants, how they are disappointed if you pay without negotiating the price.
They show her in her 90s, visiting fashion sets where young models wear her combinations of clothing and accessories or, getting dolled-up for a photos shoot. She shops around for new items of clothing or to add to her collection of eclectic jewelry. Her husband, obviously dressed by her, sits and waits, occasionally weighing in on one of her purchases. He is a sweet man, talking about his love for his wife and confirming that he could never get bored with Iris as his wife.
She worked in the fashion world and as an interior designer. She and her husband owned a design company and were requested to help decorate the White House on many occasions. When The Met called her because an exhibit they had planned fell through, she put together an exhibit of her designer fashions and accessories. They promoted the exhibit through word of mouth and it was extremely well received. So much so that Iris became famous. She still receives 50 calls a day from media wanting her to attend an event, a photoshoot or, requesting an interview. I loved watching this woman, doing what she loves with her devoted husband at her side, shopping with her assistant, haggling with store merchants, dressed up in full garb.
When I grow old, I want to be active and passionate, wild, colourful and eccentric just like Iris Apfel.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
For the past two weeks, the snow storms have kept me home. Unable to get out and meet exciting women to interview, I wrote about Louise Bourgeois last week and now, I'd like to present Iris Apfel. If you work in the fashion industry, then you already know her. However, I will hazard a guess that some of you have never heard of her, I hadn't, but you should.
Last night, my husband and I watched a documentary about this amazing woman. She is 94 years old and lives in New York. At first, I stared at the tv screen, stunned by this larger-than-life woman. She was wearing bright colours, furs, hats, large black-rimmed glasses and massive jewelry. She doesn't like tiny, precious jewelry. She prefers bold pieces that make a statement. Her home is a museum of sorts with wall to wall designer outfits and chunky jewelry from all over the world.
She spoke of her desire to wear jeans when she was younger. She was told that women don't wear jeans. She insisted and, eventually, the store owner sent her a pair of boys' jeans. She wore them and loved it. She accessorized and made them trendy. Throughout the documentary, you can see photographs of her travels. She has been all over the world, purchasing fabrics and jewelry. She explains how to barter with merchants, how they are disappointed if you pay without negotiating the price.
They show her in her 90s, visiting fashion sets where young models wear her combinations of clothing and accessories or, getting dolled-up for a photos shoot. She shops around for new items of clothing or to add to her collection of eclectic jewelry. Her husband, obviously dressed by her, sits and waits, occasionally weighing in on one of her purchases. He is a sweet man, talking about his love for his wife and confirming that he could never get bored with Iris as his wife.
She worked in the fashion world and as an interior designer. She and her husband owned a design company and were requested to help decorate the White House on many occasions. When The Met called her because an exhibit they had planned fell through, she put together an exhibit of her designer fashions and accessories. They promoted the exhibit through word of mouth and it was extremely well received. So much so that Iris became famous. She still receives 50 calls a day from media wanting her to attend an event, a photoshoot or, requesting an interview. I loved watching this woman, doing what she loves with her devoted husband at her side, shopping with her assistant, haggling with store merchants, dressed up in full garb.
When I grow old, I want to be active and passionate, wild, colourful and eccentric just like Iris Apfel.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Home Ownership Course
February 29th, 2016
Today, I was able to return the art that was created by grades 4,5 and 6 at Oxford-on-Rideau Public School. Their art was produced during my workshop on rural poverty and affordable housing in order to raise awareness about these issues in our community. Their flags were displayed at Geronimo Coffee House for the month of February, during the Share the Love campaign. I was very excited to bring the flags back to the school so the students can bring them home and share them with their parents.
During the Share the Love meeting at The Branch Restaurant on February 22nd, Mario Zambonin, the new manager of our ReStore in Kemptville talked about the importance of home ownership and the stability it provided for children. His feedback really made me think. As a child, we moved every 2-3 years and we always rented. I remember feeling that our living arrangements were temporary. I couldn't paint or decorate my walls in a way that might damage the paint. If something broke, we had to call the landlord. Sometimes, if a neighbour wasn't looking after his or her apartment, all of us had to get fumigated due to an infestation in their house. You could hear the neighbours argue. I recall a particular neighbour when I was seven years old. The man beat his girlfriend. She would hit the wall so hard that our apartment shook. It was upsetting to hear him yell at her and to hear her screams as she tried to get away or as she hit the wall. Hearing a grown woman cry was stressful and confusing to me. There is no privacy when you live in a cheaply built apartment.
The cleanliness of the lobby and hallways is up to the building owner. The landscaping and maintenance also reflect decisions made by the building's owner. The same goes for the maintenance of the building's elevators. You can never just take action and get a situation resolved because it's never your place, you're just passing through. As a child, you are aware that you are living among people. You can't jump too hard or too long because there are neighbours downstairs. You can't play your music too long because the neighbours might complain. Bouncing a ball off the wall? Also a bad idea.
When I moved into my first home, I had to learn to be a homeowner. It wasn't just a matter of paying the down payment, setting money aside for taxes or covering the cost of utilities. It didn't occur to me until winter approached that I would need to hire someone to plough our driveway and that, next Spring, I'd need to find someone to mow the lawn. I had no idea there was a filter that needed to be changed for the furnace in the basement. I learned to maintain our home and develop pride of ownership. If there was something I didn't like about our home, I could change it or hire someone to help me. If there was ice on my driveway, I was the one responsible for coating the ice with salt or sand. If something broke, I had to figure out how to fix it or hire someone to do it.
My husband and I now own our second home and I no longer feel trepidation when I decide to paint my walls or hang a shelf. I have learned to tile floors, paint walls and ceilings, use a lawn mower, shovel a driveway, change the furnace filter, replace the water softener and have taxes included in my mortgage so the tax bill doesn't come as one big chunk. People who grew up with home owning parents are used to this but all of it is new to people like me who lived in run down apartments.
As Mario talked about the importance of home ownership, I reflected on this learning and thought it would be worthwhile to teach a Home Ownership course. It's great to help a family become home owners but it's important to ease the transition to new habits and a different mindset to ensure their comfort and success as a home owning family. Just like you adults can benefit from learning about their cars when they earn their license, skills like changing a tire, checking fluids, boosting a battery etc, home owners can learn how to care for, maintain and perform simple fixes to their home. Food for thought!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today, I was able to return the art that was created by grades 4,5 and 6 at Oxford-on-Rideau Public School. Their art was produced during my workshop on rural poverty and affordable housing in order to raise awareness about these issues in our community. Their flags were displayed at Geronimo Coffee House for the month of February, during the Share the Love campaign. I was very excited to bring the flags back to the school so the students can bring them home and share them with their parents.
During the Share the Love meeting at The Branch Restaurant on February 22nd, Mario Zambonin, the new manager of our ReStore in Kemptville talked about the importance of home ownership and the stability it provided for children. His feedback really made me think. As a child, we moved every 2-3 years and we always rented. I remember feeling that our living arrangements were temporary. I couldn't paint or decorate my walls in a way that might damage the paint. If something broke, we had to call the landlord. Sometimes, if a neighbour wasn't looking after his or her apartment, all of us had to get fumigated due to an infestation in their house. You could hear the neighbours argue. I recall a particular neighbour when I was seven years old. The man beat his girlfriend. She would hit the wall so hard that our apartment shook. It was upsetting to hear him yell at her and to hear her screams as she tried to get away or as she hit the wall. Hearing a grown woman cry was stressful and confusing to me. There is no privacy when you live in a cheaply built apartment.
The cleanliness of the lobby and hallways is up to the building owner. The landscaping and maintenance also reflect decisions made by the building's owner. The same goes for the maintenance of the building's elevators. You can never just take action and get a situation resolved because it's never your place, you're just passing through. As a child, you are aware that you are living among people. You can't jump too hard or too long because there are neighbours downstairs. You can't play your music too long because the neighbours might complain. Bouncing a ball off the wall? Also a bad idea.
When I moved into my first home, I had to learn to be a homeowner. It wasn't just a matter of paying the down payment, setting money aside for taxes or covering the cost of utilities. It didn't occur to me until winter approached that I would need to hire someone to plough our driveway and that, next Spring, I'd need to find someone to mow the lawn. I had no idea there was a filter that needed to be changed for the furnace in the basement. I learned to maintain our home and develop pride of ownership. If there was something I didn't like about our home, I could change it or hire someone to help me. If there was ice on my driveway, I was the one responsible for coating the ice with salt or sand. If something broke, I had to figure out how to fix it or hire someone to do it.
My husband and I now own our second home and I no longer feel trepidation when I decide to paint my walls or hang a shelf. I have learned to tile floors, paint walls and ceilings, use a lawn mower, shovel a driveway, change the furnace filter, replace the water softener and have taxes included in my mortgage so the tax bill doesn't come as one big chunk. People who grew up with home owning parents are used to this but all of it is new to people like me who lived in run down apartments.
As Mario talked about the importance of home ownership, I reflected on this learning and thought it would be worthwhile to teach a Home Ownership course. It's great to help a family become home owners but it's important to ease the transition to new habits and a different mindset to ensure their comfort and success as a home owning family. Just like you adults can benefit from learning about their cars when they earn their license, skills like changing a tire, checking fluids, boosting a battery etc, home owners can learn how to care for, maintain and perform simple fixes to their home. Food for thought!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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