March 8th, 2016
When I was teaching a course called, Recreation for Older Adults, I spent some time going over misconceptions about older adults. Young college students believed older adults are not sexual. They are kindly old people who tell stories and bake apple pies. We discussed these misconceptions to get our facts straight and, by the end of that first class, students were looking at their elders in a whole different way.
If you have worked with older adults, chances are you learned very quickly that their sex drive is NOT dead. In my first week working in long term care, I had my bottom pinched and slapped, male residents gave me compliments and asked me if I was married, they joked about the kinds of services they wanted and, they stared at my breasts while I fed them at lunch time. The ladies on my unit would fight over any new male resident. They would buy sweets at the coffee shop for him, they wore their best outfits and, I noticed the lipstick and blush making a sudden appearance. The ladies would head over to the male resident early to chat with him before the others had a chance. It was game on!
The data supports my statement that sex gets better with age. When you are young, you are still learning the basics about how your bits work. You are experimenting which is exciting but your partner is experimenting too so there's some hits and misses. If you are like most young women, you are focused on how you look: Does this thong make my butt look big? You are also wondering if the guy you are with likes you a little or a lot, as much as you want him to like you. During sex, you may be so precoccupied with making him feel good that you forget about your own needs. In movies, you see women who cum on command. The guy pulls down her undies and he's in. She instantly moans and has a mind-blowing orgasm. Really?
As you age, you have more knowledge about your body. You know what sets you off and you can guide your partner or do it yourself. Once you've reached menopause or you've had your tubes tied or your husband has had a vasectomy, you can enjoy sex without worrying about getting pregnant. When you are in a long term relationship, you feel connected to your partner, you trust and love each other, this adds intimacy to your sexual encounters. There is a peak in libido for women in midlife which means your husband will get more than he bargained for but I don't think he'll complain. Also, it takes longer for men to get hard and they can last longer. We've all experienced sex with a young adult who is so excited to be having sex that he ejaculates right out of the gate. Bummer! Older men can give you more bang for your buck which means you are not rushing to cum before he does.
Having sex is very healthy. Your blood is flowing through your body, including your all-important brain, your muscles get a workout and your heart is pumping hard. Your vagina also stays lubricated and flexible for future use if it is getting some action on a regular basis. You feel alive, vibrant and sexy into old age while maintaining a level of intimacy with your partner (instead of becoming Ernie and Bert). So we all need to stop treating older adults like they have no sex life. Media should portray the elderly in a more realistic light and we need to be living according to our own needs, not trying to live up to some external expectation: cut your hair, wear modest clothing and sensible shoes etc.. Boring!!!
I love meeting women who are older, vibrant, healthy, active and enjoying their life. That's the way I plan to age. What about you?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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