Resisting Healthy Choices

September 30th 2016

I walked into my husband's shop this afternoon, his client's daughter was talking about her career. She is a dietician and nutritionist but she is having doubts about her decision to commit to this line of work. She is fit and devoted to leading a healthy lifestyle. However, she finds it frustrating when she consults with clients who need to make some changes in their eating patterns but don't want to give up any of the unhealthy foods they eat. She can provide the tools for a healthier future but if they nod their head then get in line at McDs when they leave her office, there is no point. It angers her that people aren't willing to make sacrifices when it comes to their health. This is a high priority for her and she can't imagine how people can keep making poor choices when they know their health is in jeopardy.

Our conversation turned to exercise. Her background is in dance and she is now learning pole fitness. I told her I loved Zumba but there are no classes offered for mothers and their children or, during school hours for mothers on their own. I don't understand why Zumba classes, which are mostly populated with moms who are trying to shed their belly fat, are offered at times when moms are busy with their children. This client was telling me that pole fitness is great for people like myself who enjoy dancing but, while Zumba is mostly cardio, pole fitness works your muscles and core leading to more muscle definition. Sounds good to me! No pole dancing out here in Kemptville though :)

What we do have is an event at St-Micheal's High School tomorrow from 9am to 3pm. It;s called Commit to Fit and, as far as I know, it's a sampler of various types of exercise. You can see what local professionals have to offer by trying their exercise. I'll know more by tomorrow evening. I asked my poor mom to be here for 9am which means she needs to leave her home in Ottawa by 8am. I appreciate that she can be here with my children while I go workout and learn about my options. Many moms don't have anyone to watch the children. I'm sure they wish they wish they could attend this event as well. I feel very fortunate that she is here to support me.

I was going to a gym for a while. I even got a trainer. However, every time we met and I learned new moves, I would get injured. At first, she set up the treadmill and programmed it so it had a sharp incline. Before long, I had shin splints, very painful. When I went in on my own, I just walked on the flat surface, a good workout without any injuries. Then I asked her to focus on my arms. She had me pumping 10lbs on either side while on my back. It was strenuous but I imagined how toned my arms would be when I was done. I pulled a muscle and had to go to physic. It hurt when I breathed and I had limited range of movement. Lastly, I have an injury to my pelvic bone from childbirth. An osteopath recommended I steer clear of exercises that put pressure on that area. I brought this up as she led me to the machine where you push your legs together then apart against weights. I informed  her that the osteopath told me the days of doing these types of exercises were over. She still introduced one into my workout.

Finding the right fit is challenging. You want to exercise so you are healthier, feel energized and look amazing. However, you need to find the correct type of exercise so that you enjoy your workouts and look forward to them. It helps to be in a supportive environment, to click with classmates or your trainer. Having options at times that work for you can be the most difficult part. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will find Zumba or Pole fitness classes during the day, close to Kemptville. Then, let the fun begin!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Smudging

September 29th, 2016

I am curious. I like learning about different schools of thought whether I'm studying psychology, religion, nutrition or healing practices. I believe that we are more than just our bodies and that our emotions are energy. I can see how getting stuck in difficult emotions like anger, frustration, rage, helplessness, sadness, loneliness etc can create energy blockages in our physical bodies. We all sense the energy of people as we approach them. We are drawn to certain people while others make us feel unsettled or unsafe.

I have been reading about the tradition of Smudging. The basic idea is that herbs are burnt and their smoke is used to cleanse people, spaces or tools. It can also be used to communicate with spirits or to heal a body. I had only ever heard of sage being used to repel negative energies from homes after an illness, a death or an argument. However, I discovered that other herbs such as tobacco, cedar, lavender and sweet grass can also be used.

From http://powwow-power.com/smudging/, I learned that feathers are used to dispense the smoke because birds are seen as being closer to the Creator therefore their feathers help bring our smoke up to the heavens. The same site talks about the use of smudge sticks as well as dried herbs in bowls. I prefer the idea of a smudge stick, you light the end and move it around the room or person. It seems more solid, easier to control and direct so the smoke goes where you want.

This article by the Aboriginal Mutli-Media Society, http://www.ammsa.com/node/12407, explains that women who have their period cannot pick the herbs for ceremonies or participate in ceremonies. It also informs the reader that you should not buy the herbs for the ceremony. You are supposed to pick it or trade for it with someone else. You can each buy the herbs you need but use the other person's herbs while s/he uses yours.

I like the thought of using herbs to say thank you. Tobacco is often offered to the Creator as a thank you or to the leader of a ceremony in respect and gratitude. Each herb has a specific purpose.
On http://www.dancingtoeaglespiritsociety.org/medicines.php, we learn about the specific properties and uses of four herbs.

Tobacco is said to be the most sacred of herbs and it is used to communicate with spirits. You must start with a positive intention and communicate this intention as you offer your tobacco to an elder or burn it and send its smoke up to the Creator.

Sweet Grass is a feminine herb, often braided, and used to bring calm, heal and purify. The website says each strand of the braid represents a different aspect of Mother Earth, love, kindness and honesty.

Sage is stronger and I learned that there is male and female sage. It is more of a medicine. This is the herb I heard most about for its abilities to release negative energy from people and places. You can drink sage tea to reap its healing properties.

Cedar is a disinfectant, a protector. You can drink it in a tea to heal your body of infection.

I checked out the benefits of sage tea on the following website, http://www.herbwisdom.com/herb-sage.html.

Sage is used to treat sore throats and coughs, perfect timing as I have had a cough for a few days. It can help curb the flow of menstrual bleeding or decrease perspiration. It has been used to treat asthma and gum infections.

Cedar tea is used to prevent and stop colds and flus. This site, http://makwa-mikepatterson.blogspot.ca/2009/11/tips-on-flu-and-cedar-tea.html, claims that Elders keep a pot of cedar tea at hand all Winter. As I was reading about cedar, I learned that its oil can be used as an insecticide. I wonder if it would work in the treatment of head lice.??? So many cases in schools right now. Worth a try.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Cecile Charron Schnubb

September 28th, 2016

Today is a special day. It's my grandmother's birthday. She passed away at the age of 100 years ago but her birth date will always be significant. She was a strong woman, we called her "Mama Mafia" because she didn't mince words and she had a loud voice. She raised five children in the middle of the country without a car. She was content to cook and clean as long as she had her radio. She loved music. She sang and whistled along all day. Her life was simple but she had siblings and they liked to come over and play cards or bean bag toss and, talk, and laugh.

My grandfather was a hard working man. He took over his father's general store and made it successful. He was the epicentre of his community, providing quality meats and produce. People loved his polite manner and small town charm. My grandmother cooked his meals and starched his shirts but when he got home at night, he knew who was boss. She did the bookkeeping and made the important decisions.

I had great role models in my family. My mother was a hard worker. She had a great sense of humour and, although she was mostly quiet, she could stand up for what she believed in. Then there was my grandma. There was no political correctness. She wasn't saving up for retirement. She lived her life. She laughed out loud. She kicked up her feet when she laughed. She wore lipstick, curled her eyelashes and paired red high heels with her denim jeans. She whistled, despite my grandfather's belief that real women never did. She drank beer and played cards.

At Christmas, she filled the house with family, cooked up a storm without a sweat and sang for all of us while step dancing and playing the spoons on her lap. Oh, and let's not forget her harmonica, she was a one woman show. Even in her 90s, when she had sore legs, she still did her step dance with her high heels but she remained seated and moved her feet over a wooden board. It made the same clanking song that invigorated her singing.

She was festive and feisty. She either liked you or she didn't. Anytime you brought home a friend or, heaven forbid, a boyfriend, you never knew if she would approve. My husband won her over when he sang "Michelle ma Belle" to her. If he'd serenaded me, she would have said he was a show off but, he serenaded her, smart man. She loved him and called him, "Vincent with the dreamy eyes". She wasn't very affectionate but you knew she loved you. She would cook something special and double pack it in wax paper, covered with foil. She was always happy to see you.

I loved making her laugh. She would get a kick out of watching my grandfather laugh. I would joke around, his nostrils would start to flare and his belly would jiggle. She would look over at him and laugh as well. She was very adventurous and when she got too tired to get out, she wanted to hear all about the adventures of others. She loved Bob Barker and Lawrence Welk. I can still see her sitting on the edge of her chair, watching couples dance on stage. Her entire body willed her to get up and dance along.

I am so happy she was my grandmother. She was a blessing in my life. Happy Birthday Mama Mafia! I love you!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Turning Children into Consumers-One App at a Time

September 27th, 2016

If you have children between the ages of 6-12, chances are they play on technology some of the time. Even if you ban technology from your home, unless you are homeschooling them, they will be exposed to apps through school. They may use apps as rewards or as a teaching tool. Other children may be discussing how fun certain games are and, if you have a sleepover, at some point, there will be talk of technology. Someone always brings a phone or tablet resulting in tech play.

My daughters have been exposed to certain games over time. There is an app that uses monsters to teach phonics and spelling to children. There were Strawberry Shortcake games where you learned real recipes and My Little Pony games that taught math skills. This is great stuff, educational, good clean fun. However, after a sleepover, my daughters were wanting to download a new game, Talking Angela. The whole game was about deciding what she would wear then answering her questions as she sat at a cafe. Angela is a cat but she asks what you like to do, where you live, how many people are in your family and she shares stories then expects the children to speak about their lives as well.It freaked me out. I asked the girls how they knew who they were talking to and why they thought a cartoon cat would be asking these questions. I deleted that app.

Recently, I've noticed a new trend. A good friend of my daughter's introduced her to Hollywood Stories. In this game, attractive animated women get dressed up, go for auditions and put on shows. They can communicate with their friends and other people they have allowed into their circle. They all have fake names so it could be anyone. The goal is to shop and invite people to your premiere. The women speak to each other while striking a pose. In order to shop, you need to earn points and you do so by watching commercials. The kids know this so they click every time they see a pop-up ad for a commercial. They sit through it knowing they will get extra points to buy more stuff. Other people can go through your portfolio (the clothing you have purchased and looks you created), and vote on it. It is all very superficial. Initially, I thought Hollywood Stories was the only app that worked that way but it is quite common.

So, to recap, the goal of these games is to buy stuff. In order to buy stuff, you need to watch ads (you are paid to expose yourself to advertising). You are rewarded based on the opinion of others (external evaluation) and the amount of stuff you have. These games are training our children to consume and to base their value on what others think. That is alarming. Add to this the fact that some children are on technology for hours at a time and that far too many of them lack the amount of social interaction and connection they need to develop adequate social skills. If you have no real life connections and are bombarded by messages about your worth based on acquisition of stuff and status and we have a serious issue. I don't know what the long term consequences will be. My hope is that the pendulum swings back and children turn away from technology. A return to the outdoors and community connections is what I'd like to see. Only time will tell. For now, I am unplugging my children and making time to connect with them before it's too late.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Stop Racial Prejudice Now!

September 26th, 2016

It's my husband's turn to take the kids to gymnastics tonight. My youngest daughter hugs my waist and my eldest says she prefers when my husband takes them because no one stares at them when he's there. She looks at me apologetically and says, "People always stare at us when you're there". It hurts. I know it shouldn't. I should just shake it off but the hurt lingers. It's not that I care what others think of me, I couldn't care less at this point in my life. It's the effect on my daughters. It hurts that my daughters are made uncomfortable at their favourite activity because of the reaction of strangers to the colour of my skin.

I wrote about this before, my surprise during my mother-in-law's visit when she expressed shock at how rude people were at the local public swimming pool. She noticed them staring at us and she later shared her outrage with my husband. I know it used to make my white mother angry when I was young. She would stare back at people or say, "My God people are ignorant"! I didn't understand it at the time. It seemed like a random outburst. One day she was talking to me about how annoying it is that people stare at me and how they need to get used to people who look different. I started noticing it and it really got on my nerves. Now, years later, I am oblivious to it but, once in a while, other people who are with me notice it and, it still hurts.

When you look or behave differently, people judge you. There are two types of stares: ignorant, curious stares from people who have never seen anyone who looks like you so they are just fixated on you. You'll have entire families at a restaurant or park turn to look at you and watch your every move. The second stare is intimidating. These people hate you and they want you to know. You feel on an energy level that they wish you were dead. It's intense, confusing and sad. Any person of colour whether they are black, white, red or yellow, will tell you how it feels to be judged and hated for no other reason that your looks on a daily basis. It is draining and so useless.

I feel so much compassion for families with a disabled family member. I see people stare at them too. They are trying to eat dinner or enjoy a fun activity. People sit and gawk. It's normal to be curious but non-stop, won't look away gawking is annoying. There is one lady who has a son in a wheelchair. She talks to him in a gentle voice, spoon feeding him, joking with people around them to put them at ease and just being so loving. Then, people walk around them, staring, sometimes saying something to each other within ear shot or looking irritated by the sight or sound of them. I find this behaviour frustrating. I wish these people could see the mean and hurtful impact of their attitude.

Tonight, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are having their debate. I am freaked out that he has even made it this far, that enough people support his beliefs and are willing to elect him. Someone was saying that members of the KKK are already ironing their sheets. I worry that even if he is not elected, too much damage has been done, that old prejudices that we all thought were gone will resurface. This would be very sad for all of us but, especially, for the next generation. Their beliefs and behaviours will determine the direction of future generations.

Why am I writing about this? I needed to vent because I was feeling hurt but I also want to get people who don't get judged, excluded or hated on a daily basis to imagine what it's like to live that way, how draining and hurtful it might be. We are not born prejudiced. It is learned behaviour. On Facebook yesterday, they showed an experiment where a group of people from various countries had their DNA tested. They interviewed them before the test and they had all sorts of prejudiced ideas about other people. Then, when the results were in and they saw that no one was 100% pure white, they started to think of other people as family, not strangers. Some of them turned out to be related. I wish everybody could go through a DNA test. Then, they could apply the energy they once used to judge and hate others toward helping and supporting each other.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Lice, Cockroaches and Other Critters

September 24th 2016

I don't usually write on Saturdays but I didn't post yesterday. I was driving into Ottawa to meet a lady who wanted to purchase my books. By the time I got home, it was time to prepare my daughters for their sleepover party. I thought I would write after dropping them off but my husband was done work early so we went out for cocktails and then watched a documentary. I woke up during the night and realized I had not posted. Oops! I realize it doesn't matter, few people even read this blog but I made a commitment to myself to write every weekday and I like to keep my promises even if they are only to myself.

As I mentioned, my daughters were going to a birthday sleepover party on the weekend. This used to be festive but, not anymore, at least not for me. You see, we had loads of play dates and sleepovers over the summer until one day, one of my eldest daughter's friends told her she had lice. Her mother had not warned me and I spent the next several days inspecting my daughters' heads and feeling itchy all over (psychosomatic). I thought we were safe until one morning, right after my husband had gone away for the weekend. I was talking to my eldest daughter and I saw movement in her hair. I freaked out, I shouldn't have but I did. I started inspecting her head and saw lice. I didn't know what they look like. They are thin and brown with little legs that wiggle and, they move fast. They feed on your blood so you find them close to the scalp. I was so grossed out! I proceeded to comb through her hair and remove everything I could see. She had three but there were eggs, little white balls close to the scalp. I panicked. I removed the bedding from all of our beds, stuffies and dolls. I wondered why my daughters have so many blankets on their beds. I vowed to downsize the blankets.

I checked my youngest daughter. She had tiny baby ones, only a few. The pharmacy was closed because it was a special day, can't recall what the holiday was but it wasn't open. I googled remedies and coated all of our hair with a mix of 1/4 cup of olive oil and 20 drops of tea tree oil. I put shower caps on our heads to really intensify the scent and strength of the oil and smother them. My youngest who loves nature loved the lice and wanted to keep them in a jar as a pet. I tried really hard not to roll my eyes and grimace. I explained that they couldn't survive without blood so they would just die. It took forever to get through the laundry because I had the washer set to sanitize and it takes nearly 2 hours for the machine to complete the cycle. As I inspected their he'd each day to ensure I hadn't missed anything, my daughters grew weary of this routine and it became a drag. By the time my husband returned from his trip, we were all lice free and I was exhausted. The next morning, he asked me to make him some eggs and I nearly struck him. He had just returned from a fantastic trip and was feeling energized. I was exhausted and miserable from the whole lice adventure. Needless to say, he made his own eggs that morning.

When the school semester started, my eldest mentioned that her friend had a bunch of white dots in her hair. Then she admitted that she had used her hair elastic because they were giving each other hairstyles. She told me this because her head had started to itch. I started checking their heads again, worried that we would have to start over, they were ok. Hooray! However, as the sleepover date approached, I felt less than enthusiastic about the possibility of contamination. It's not just careless fun anymore.

This morning, I saw a Facebook post about cockroaches in some schools in Ottawa. The post suggested parents search their children's back packs for cockroaches. What? One more critter to be wary of. I can't even imagine how disgusting it would feel to dig into their bags and have one in my hands. I am not one of those women who refuses to touch bugs or screams when she sees spiders. I was never germaphobe but I am a different person now. I notice when a child scratches her head or has white dots in her hair, I can't help it.

Here is what I now know that I didn't know before this experience:

1-Life will only survive as long as there is a blood supply to feed on
2-The chemicals kill the lice but not the eggs
3-Olive oil and tea tree destroys everything
4-You need a thin comb (a nit comb is suggested but I just used the thin end of a comb and it worked)
5-You don't need to sanitize everything, just put the linens and stuffed animals in a garbage bag and wait 48 hours, the lice will die, then you can clean in the wash as you would normally
6-You have to pull the eggs off the hair, they won't just fall off, they stick to the hair
7-Your kids need to stop sharing stuffed animals, headbands, elastics, hoodies, anything that could contaminate them and others
8-Have play dates, not sleepovers. You never know who has lice and doesn't know it yet, they can give it to everyone else. It is transmitted when kids share a bed, stuffie or bedding.

I hope my rant and tips can help a poor parent out there, going through this for the first time.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Surviving cancer

September 22nd, 2016

A few years ago, I interviewed women who had battled cancer. Each woman was diagnosed with a different cancer and they were all survivors. I decided to write about them to inspire women or men undergoing treatment. My message was, "You can beat this"!

A few months ago, I was thinking about these five strong women and it occurred to me that only two remained. I think two of them are still alive. I have lost touch with them and, honestly, I don't have the heart to look for them in case, they too, have passed.

Today, at Walmart, I ran into the husband of one of the ladies who did not survive. We talked about her, the second diagnosis (the cancer moved to a new location and spread), what the last week of her life was like and, what he was now doing with his life. We each continued our shopping after over an hour of chatting and I bumped into a man who came to the house to help me put up the pool in the Spring. His wife is currently in treatment for cancer. She has completed her radiation treatment but still has a month of chemotherapy before she can ring that bell.

They had been at the hospital earlier that day and she spoke about her treatment in a matter-of-fact tone, clearly used to the processes, explaining the machines and technicalities. This man clearly loves his wife. I pray that she survives and they live to tell the next generation all about it and inspire others.

I couldn't help but wonder, why do some people survive while others do not? You read about "cures" like oxygen therapy, an alkaline diet, the powers of turmeric and other superfoods, the power of cannabis oil is on Facebook every day but people are still dying. It is all so confusing. I read a beautiful book by Bernie Siegel, The Art of Healing, a few years ago because I am an art therapist and he offers art groups for his patients. He talks about the power of symbols in drawings and states that he can tell how patients perceive their cancer and the recommended treatment by what they draw. Drawings can also give a physician additional information about the affected organ, something patients know without it being part of their conscious wisdom.

Dr. Siegel's prescriptions are out of the ordinary. They include art and self expression, interpreting dreams, being in the present, laughing, hanging out with animals and staying positive (words, thoughts, beliefs). He believes that illness often comes from a place of trauma, where the feelings are stuck because they have never been expressed. Dr. Siegel predicts which patients will have a better survival rate on his website www.berniesiegelmd.com, here is a glimpse:

"When people have a sense of meaning in their life, express anger and emotions appropriately in defence of themselves, ask for help from family and friends, participate in their health care decisions, say no to what they choose not to do, find time to do what they enjoy and to play, use their feelings to help them to heal their lives and do not live a role but an authentic life, they will always do better than expected". He also mentions the importance of NOT interpreting their illness as a punishment from GOD.

If you are diagnosed with a cancer, get a journal and some colouring pencils then read through one of Dr. Siegel's books. His exercises are meant to get you thinking about your life and listening to your emotions. The art can help you release painful emotions. Join a group to reduce isolation and focus on what you enjoy. There is no room for negative people in your life. Live fully in the moment, as your authentic self and laugh often. Dealing with a life-threatening illness can result in feeling powerless. These are all things you can do to help heal your life.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Transgender Models

September 21st, 2016

A few days ago, I was having lunch with my husband in our favourite vietnamese restaurant. There is a huge television on the wall and usually, images of delicious food plays in the background as we eat. This week, they chose a different television channel. I believe the program that was playing was, The View. I don't normally watch television while I dine with my hubby but something caught my attention. This beautiful dark-skinned woman said something like: "They were asking for models, 6'2 and up, no one said I couldn't have a penis".

There were maybe three tables of clients in the restaurant. We were all paying attention at this point. The View was interviewing models from a transgender modelling agency. I thought this must be a new and innovative business but I looked it up when I got home and there were at least four agencies focused solely on transgender models.

I know transgender issues have been in the news due to controversy regarding the use of public restrooms, however, I have encountered transgendered individuals as a teenager working in a Healthy Sexuality theatre program and, as an art therapist through my group work in high schools as well as in private practice. The individuals I met and worked with were kind, regular people who were extremely compassionate due to the judgment of others directed at them.

As a teenager, all you want is to fit in and be part of a group. You hunger for acceptance and you strive to express yourself authentically. If there's one thing teens hate it's bullshit (pardon my language). They can sniff a fake from a mile away. They really want to figure out who they are, express this to their surroundings and be accepted.

Transgendered individuals may feel trapped in the wrong body. They feel like a girl even though they have a male anatomy and are raised as a boy. They can also feel like a boy even though they are anatomically a girl. This creates inner conflict as they attempt to be authentic. When they try to explain to parents, siblings and friends that they feel like someone of the opposite gender, these loved ones have no previous experience to draw on and they don't know how to respond. In some families, the response is rejection and pressure to stay as they are, the gender that feels wrong to them.

Other transgendered individuals don't want to be identified as a gender. They don't fit into either box, trying to be categorized is painful and frustrating for them. They don't want to be referred to as male or female. They may want to be called, Them, instead of her or him. When we are doing art about this, I find it helpful to have my clients paint their essence, who they are inside. Poetry is also a great tool to give a voice to this inner self.

I was happy to see that some modelling agencies are embracing the beauty of all people. We are most beautiful when we are being true to ourselves. A few models who were being interviewed mentioned  feeling safer in their work as models while working for these agencies. They don't need to explain anything, the companies employing them already know they are transgender. This is a great way to embrace their individuality and provide role models for a wider range of teenagers. Just as we now have plus size models, black models, asian models as well as skinny, white models to reflect the diversity and beauty in our community, we can now show transgender individuals that they are represented and valued.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Tree House

September 20th, 2016

Have you ever dreamed of having your own tree house when you were a child? There seems to be a universal desire to hang out in a tree house. Perhaps you were one of the lucky ones who actually had a tree house.

I have always loved and coveted a tree house. As a child, I drew my ideal home as a tree house. It was sophisticated with a slide to exit through the back. I lived in apartments so I never owned one. I once searched for tree homes and found an astonishing amount of houses built in trees. Not plain wooden ones, we are talking luxurious, architecturally diverse homes.

Today, my husband and I built a tree house for our daughters. We spent three hours this afternoon using leftover renovation materials to build it. My husband didn't have a tree home growing up. We were both excited about this project. We excitedly started with the floor and frame, supports and walls. We rummaged through materials and made stuff up as we worked.

We work well together and, although the house is not complete, we have a pretty sturdy, fun-looking tree loft. The house has a floor, a ladder, three walls and we threw in some IKEA chairs at the last minute. We were so excited to see the girls' reactions as they got off the bus. They ran over and climbed in. My husband was waiting for them. I went in the house with their school bags and headed for the kitchen to grab some cold juices. I wasn't even done filling one juice container. The girls were back inside. I handed over the juices and asked if they had been in the tree house. They had. They went upstairs to play in their room.

I walked out and over to my husband. He was still working on the structure. I asked him what happened. He said they loved it. I was perplexed. Why aren't they still here? Apparently, because we placed the parachute on top of the structure, our eldest felt that it was too short for her, she couldn't stand up. I was disappointed. My husband and I kept working on bracing the sides for at least 30 minutes. As we worked, I realized this tree house was for our inner children. We were building this to satisfy our own needs. We were having fun. The fact that our daughters' reaction was less than enthusiastic did not curb our own excitement.

We love our little tree house. I hope the girls give it a chance and enjoy it for many years ahead. If they don't, my husband and I will.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Positive Psychology and Community Support

September 19th, 2016

Tonight, I took my girls to their first gymnastics class of the semester. I watch them and give them a thumbs up as they walk the beams, bounce on the trampoline and spin on a tiny pole at impressive heights. They weren't in the same group, much to their disappointment but, they didn't get paired with the mean girl which was an improvement over last semester.

I have started listening to Ted Talks while I watch the class. I have been thinking about the mental health of my children. My eldest feels anxious at night at bedtime. My youngest is totally mellow. My eldest has troubles falling asleep and sleeping on her own. My youngest will sleep anywhere. My eldest always wants to stay home. My youngest and I love going out, seeing people, having adventures. Over the summer, these differences in their temperament is very obvious.

My eldest was anxious about the start of school. She worried about her teachers and classmates. We talked about it. She just couldn't settle. We listened to Headspace, practiced our breathing, I told her  stories about our pets to help help her calm down and massaged my daughter's back.

This whole different approach to situations got me thinking about mental health. I read up on childhood depression wondering if my daughter's anxiety was linked to depression. She loves drawing and is really good at it. She hasn't lost interest in this activity. She has friends and was at a party last weekend and has another one next weekend. This reassured me that she wasn't depressed. However, I plan to take her to a reputable acupuncturist for a treatment to see if it can help with her anxiety so she can sleep better at night.

One of the Ted Talks I watched was about Positive Psychology. Martin Seligman talks about our focus on pathology and how this leads people to fear psychiatrists because they feel that they will be judged and that professionals will try to fix them. He explains the need to focus on the strengths of clients not just their challenges. He also poses the question, why aren't we trying to help the average person have a better life?

This has also been on my mind. While I am comforting my eldest, my youngest daughter is not getting attention. While we are focused on people with symptoms, we are missing an opportunity to improve the quality of life of others. Psychology should not just be about solving problems. It is also supposed to study well-being and promote it.

Another interesting talk was provided by Vikram Patel. He explained that there aren't enough professionals for the amount of people struggling with a mental health issue. In some countries where the patients largely outnumber the psychiatrists, they have started training ordinary people to support others while receiving supervision from skilled professionals. He unveiled some significant data which proved that these regular people were making incredible differences.

What if clusters of people were trained to recognize depression, anxiety or risk of suicide and they were paid to perform home visits in their neighbourhood? What if they reported back to local physicians and booked follow-up appointments for clients considered at risk? Would less people go undiagnosed? Would less children fall through the cracks? I think this is a valid solution to our overburdened mental health system. Friendly visitors could provide support, education and referrals all from the comfort of the client's home. This may be the new approach to mental health services-worth considering.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Online Dating

September 16th, 2016

In the last week, I heard about three couples who met online. One of those couples has decided to tie the knot over the weekend. I started thinking about this new trend, analyzing it, as one does, to figure out why this new approach to dating has gained such popularity.

I am very social but quite shy and sometimes awkward when I am around new people. It takes a while for me to feel comfortable. I was thinking that online dating would be great for someone like myself who prefers to get to know someone in writing first. That way, you already know that you have something in common and you feel comfortable with this potential mate prior to meeting him. I should mention here that I am married and therefore speculating. I met my husband, in person, 14 years ago.

The fear of rejection can be another factor leading to online dating. When you have a blind date with someone, in person, you are putting yourself out there, hoping that there will be a mutual attraction. It can be heartbreaking if you meet at the designated place and one of the two has a less than enthusiastic response. I have heard of people making up excuses and leaving early, having a friend come and interrupt the date or, even worse, walking right by the person if they don't know what you look like. The person who gets stood up sits there hoping you are late but you never show up. That is terrible. Online, you either communicate or you don't. They have already seen your photo so if they reach out to you, obviously, they are interested in you.

Picking Mr. Wrong. Do you always pick the worst person in the room? Some people have a knack for attracting jerks. When you fill out the form online, the profiles that come up have matching wishes and interests. This initial filter and selection process ensures you are more likely to meet someone compatible. You may know that you want a stable, permanent relationship yet you attract one night stands with married men. As you fill out questionnaires online, you will be selecting the type of man who also wants a permanent relationship.

When you meet someone you are attracted to, you may become physically involved with him too soon. You haven't really talked about what either of you is looking for and whether your intentions are compatible. You see, you try, you like. Once the relationship is sexually active, especially if the sex is really good, you may spend months exploring each other and talking very little. This can lead to disappointment down the line when you realize he's a gambler, he's married, he hates kids and you have three from a previous marriage etc. When you start out online, you have already filled out the questionnaires re: children, smoking, habits, intentions etc. This gives you an advantage. You can begin with a baseline of knowledge, ask questions about whatever is important to you and head into face to face encounters aware of what this person has to offer.

The online option also works well for busy professionals. You can connect with people quickly whenever you are available. Even if you are in different time zones, you can write to each other whenever it is convenient for you, knowing your potential partner will respond within their time frame. There is excitement as each person awaits a message from the other. You can get a feel for each other through Skype or Face Time, perhaps sharing a meal together over the internet. The person slowly becomes part of your routine and you get to maintain your privacy. The difficulty with dating someone who lives far away emerges when you become serious and one of you needs to move to another city or country. Another issue could be when you want to introduce the love of your life to your children. If you have been interacting mostly online with someone and have fallen in love, it may take some time for your loved ones to become familiar with this new person.

Obviously, you need to be vigilant anytime you do something online. They could look different from their photo or be lying in their profile (age, employment, marital status). You need to do your research but, for busy professionals who don't have the time to socialize a great deal or, for shy individuals  who have a difficult time connecting with new people, this could be a great solution.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Marketing-A Way of Life

September 15th, 2016

I have been on fire ever since I attended the Black Card Books Bootcamp this past weekend. The way I see everything has changed. I am a very passionate person. As an art therapist, I get clients active, focused on the issue at-hand and how it is impacting their current life. My goal is not to draw out the process but to build a bridge between their life as-is and the life they are hoping to create. We explore the perceived obstacles and, through storytelling and art-making, we begin moving in the right direction. People leave with tangible tools and a plan. I am happy about that. Is that a smart way to run a business? Some would say no. However, I see it as positive because if people can get "un-stuck" in one session, they will feel great, get results and tell others about my services. I also feel drawn to clients who, traditionally, don't have a whole lot of money: teenagers, single moms, women in the process of getting a divorce, men who have stopped working due to ptsd etc. This leads to a need for sliding scale fees and, in some cases, I choose to offer my work for free.

At this bootcamp, I realized that my approach is not effective from a business standpoint. So far, I've tried to get into schools to showcase my workshops. The teachers and students love my workshops but they can't afford to pay me. The people who are in a position to fund my services do not see the children's smiling faces, they don't feel the excitement and energy in the room, they don't witness my connection with the children, they don't feel the relief of teachers as they hold tools in their hands that can help them manage negative class behaviours and promote cooperation in the classroom. So, now I am thinking: stop selling your services to the people who desperately want them but have no resources. Start educating the people with the purse strings by teaching them how they can benefit from your services.

As I walked around running errands this morning, I noticed every t-shirt or shopping bag with a logo on it. I took in the signs and slogans plastered on trucks, billboards and shop windows. I analyzed McDonald's golden arches and Timmie's brown coffee cups. I reflected on my purchases over the past weeks-Smile cookies for the Kemptville Youth Centre, an added two dollars at the grocery store to support Neon Night and raise funds for families whose children are dealing with a cancer diagnosis.

We breathe and eat marketing through the logos on our clothing, our choices of shopping venue, our patronage, the many commercials we watch on television or jingles we hear over the radio. People are constantly trying to sell you something. More and more, we are our business card. People get to know you, not as a client but as a person. They find out what you do. They like and trust you and recommend you to a friend.

I remember working in long term care as a program manager. My mother also worked at this facility  as an administrative assistant. I heard about some professionals who had behaved rudely toward my mother because she was just "the secretary". This changed they way I saw them and my inclination to do business with them. Treating everyone with respect gets you noticed. Embodying the values you promote in your business is one of the best marketing tools. I once paid for a yoga instructor to come and teach at my husband's spa. She showed up late, stressed, holding a cup of coffee and smelling like cigarettes. If we are hiring her to help us lead a healthier and calmer life, then her behaviour is a deterrent.

The bootcamp has me thinking differently. Other businesses want to serve my target population. I can work with them to provide services in a seamless manner. A client recently told me how difficult it can be for families who are adopting a second child to adequately prepare their eldest for this transition. They get a call and, within 24 hours, they have a child. I had never thought about this. I have this great book about a dog who feel jealous when a kitten gets adopted. I have been selling the book through clients and in local stores. I now see how providing copies to adoption agencies can boost the amount of families who are exposed to my book and ease this transition for so many families.

I also see how the Humane Society who is very conscientious of preparing adoptive families to take on a new pet might want to use this book for fundraisers. If I rely simply on selling directly to families, I miss so many families who could benefit from this book. By catering to organizations who serve my target population, I can reach more families and really make a difference in their lives. I am so excited by this revelation. I have a French book for children due out by the end of September. I now have a plan to pair up with a new French school in Kemptville in order to distribute the book to as many French families in the area as possible.

Whatever business you are in, I urge you to think about your target population. Where are they? What do they need? How can you communicate to them that you can help? What other businesses serve this population? How can you collaborate with these businesses to reach your clients? Marketing has become more than trying to sell my services to potential clients. It has become a way of sending a message to future clients that I understand what they are going through and I can help.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Book of the Week-E2 by Pam Grout

September 14th, 2016

Over the Summer holidays, I read E2 by Pam Grout. I have read plenty of books on quantum physics and the art of manifesting but this book was different. The author is fun to read but, more importantly, she provides experiments to prove once and for all that we are all energy and that we affect the energy of people and objects in our environment.

Animals are great teachers. They have an immediate reaction to people before they have even interacted. I watch my dog and cat whenever we have someone over for the first time. Sometimes they'll go over and cuddle, other times they stay away. I once saw my dog growl when a man came over to give us a quote for some renovations. The fur stood up on her back. I did not take this lightly.

We were all intuitive at one time. As children, we sensed the energy of the people around us and responded without censoring ourselves. I recall sitting on a man's lap at the bus station. I just walked over and sat on his lap. I think he was homeless. It felt very natural and I sensed that he needed some love. I only felt scared when I saw the look on my mother's face. She was looking a bit pale and asked me to come with her. I said goodbye to my new friend and hopped off his lap.

As we get older, we learn to ignore our gut and overlook signs that we are in danger, that a job isn't right for us or that we shouldn't trust the salesman trying to sell us life insurance. We not only numb ourselves to the reaction we have to others, we also send signals to the universe without realizing it. There are so many books on the power of positive thinking or explaining how to attract more money, men or health. We affirm and visualize to achieve our goals.

This book goes one step further. It takes us through nine experiments to show the direct result between our thoughts, the energy or frequency of these thoughts and their impact on our life. The first challenge involves requesting a sign from the universe within 48 hours. The second experiment proves that the world is a mirror. It reflects our expectations. My daughters and I set the intention of seeing green cars for the next 48 hours. I have never seen so many shades of green. My daughters got a kick out of it. They have repeated this experiment with other colours.

Then, I asked my mother to bring over her wire hangers and we tried the following exercise. You unwind the wire, attach a straw to the bent end and think about something you love while holding a hanger in each hand. Then you switch to focusing on something you hate. Negative thoughts shrink your energy and your hangers fold into one another. Love expands your energy, pushing the ends of each hanger away from each other. We used this activity just before my daughters started school. They were afraid of getting mean teachers or being in a class away from their friends. I asked them to draw a picture of themselves surrounded by their best friends and a smiling teacher. They didn't think it would work. Watching the impact of their thoughts on the hangers opened up their minds to new possibilities.

The most exciting activities came next. The reader is asked to set an intention and focus on manifesting one desire within 48 hours. I focused on manifesting an opportunity to make money through my writing. Within 24 hours, I saw a Facebook ad for a free conference to help writers publish their book and make money from their book.

Another challenge involves consulting the universe for guidance by asking yes or no questions. I was wondering whether or not to get chickens this year. I have been wanting to get chickens for three years now. My friend, Meredith, was raising chics so this was the perfect year to do it. I had a barn stall so I didn't need to build a chicken coop. However, the guy who was supposed to build the chicken run kept coming to the house when I was out and, here's the kicker, Meredith e-mailed me to say that what she thought were chickens were roosters. I don't want a rooster, that answers my question. Easy peasy!

The sixth experiment involved planting rosemary and focusing only on the herbs on the right side of the planter. Once again, I got the girls involved and we sent positive vibes, sang to and, said compliments to the herbs on the right side. Guess which side grew taller, faster and thicker? I really enjoyed the next experiment, it involved losing weight. People used to bless their food. The premise is that when we eat mindlessly, our food doesn't have as much positive impact as it could on our body. You weigh yourself on Day 1 and focus on your food, thanking it for its nourishment and really savouring it. You weigh yourself at the end of Day 3. You should notice a tiny shift in your weight. I saw a four pound difference.

The eighth activity challenges the reader to send a message to someone telepathically in order to get a response from them. This was a no-brainer. My mother and I are totally connected. I was thinking of her and headed down the stairs to get the phone and call her. My intention was to ask her if she suddenly thought of me. However, before I could reach the bottom of the steps, the phone rang. Guess who was calling?

Last but not least, I focused on gratitude, writing all the blessings in my life. There was some movement as a result of this. I was waiting on answers from a few people. I had e-mailed them and hadn't heard back. The answers all came in on the same day like some hold button had been released.

You may not believe that your thoughts have any impact on your environment. You may think, like many others, that you are victim of circumstances. I have tried these experiments for myself. I challenge you to try any of these experiments and watch what happens. What have you got to lose?

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Alcohol

September 13th, 2016

I have never been a drinker. Growing up, my grandmother and her siblings liked to play cards and drink. I loved the sound of everyone talking, joking and laughing. There was an easy camaraderie among them as they drank, played and smoked. I was too young to play cards or to drink. I don't know where I was or what I was doing while this was happening but I know it all seemed like fun.

I spent a great deal of time with my maternal grandmother. She was very feisty and funny but she spent her days cooking and cleaning. I once asked her what she would have done for a living if she was born in my generation. She answered that she would have cleaned-her own house, other homes, hotels, condos, she just loves to clean and she couldn't imagine herself doing anything else.

There are two skills that my grandmother taught me. She encouraged me to whistle. My grandfather believed that little girls shouldn't whistle. This, of course, made my grandmother insist that I become a great whistler. She also taught me to pour a beer properly. If you tilt the glass and the bottle as you pour the beer, you get less head and more beer. I needed this skill to do a good job pouring her beer every evening. She drank a beer (or two) every night until she died at the ripe age of 100. To this day, every time I smell beer, I am reminded of my grandmother's breath. She used to burp under her breath as she spoke to me and a waft of beer stench would follow. My husband loves beer and it is the biggest turn off for me when he has a beer and comes over for a kiss. It's like kissing my grandma, yuck!

A few years ago, we were at a cottage in Dunrobin. A few doors up from us, our neighbours were playing games like horseshoe and bean bag toss. It reminded me of my grandma and her siblings only, this time, I was invited. I was so excited to be part of the fun. I had a ginger ale and joined the game. About an hour into the game, my husband said we should get back, we had to let the dog out or some other excuse. I thanked them for a fun time and we headed back to our cottage. When we got back, I asked him why he wanted to leave. He explained that some people get happy when they drink and others get nasty. Our host was part of the latter group. I hadn't noticed this but he told me she was making remarks and getting meaner as she drank. He imagined that they would be fighting before long.

My husband comes from a family of drinkers as well. While my loved ones got louder, rowdier, his family members went from holding in their quiet rage to exploding into fist fights, spewing angry, hurtful words. He knew the signs. He had learned to notice the first indications that emotions were escalating. This was a survival tool for him during his childhood, it gave him a head start so he could run and hide before things got ugly.

People drink for different reasons. They may be shy and feel more confident once they've had a drink. They could use it to numb the pain of abuse or in order to belong to a group. One study linked loneliness to addiction. This made me think. No matter what happens in life, it seems more manageable through the support of loved ones. You are no longer alone. That is the whole point of self-help books and support groups. You see that you are not alone and you learn what others have done to get through their own hard times. This gives you hope that you can also overcome your hardship and live a better life.

What if there is no support in your life? What if you are a child and the dangers lurk in your home? How would you know that you can reach out and get help? You would expect other adults to respond just as your parents, aunts and uncles do. This leads to perceived helplessness and the cycle of addiction begins. You don't think anyone else would understand. You can't image that others would care. You perceive yourself as helpless to create anything better for your life. What's left? Numbing your pain. You drink and, suddenly, nothing matters. It doesn't hurt anymore and, as long as you stay drunk, you'll be ok. You can't have anyone challenge your behaviours, drinking "works" for you. You don't want to live without it, it would be too painful so you build a network of friends who also drink, you find your niche. You walk into bars and you belong. You just sit, drink and exchange stories.

The point of this post is twofold. If you have are addicted to alcohol, know that there is support out there, that you can live a better life, one that doesn't depend on staying numb. You deserve to be loved and live your life to the fullest. There is a reason you are here. It could be that what has happened to you, the source of your pain, is precisely why you are here. You are meant to rise above it and help others.

My second point is, if you love someone who is addicted to alcohol, shaming or controlling alcohol consumption will never work. Find the pain at the core of this addiction. Gather a group of individuals to inspire your loved one. This can be support groups, AA meetings, biographies of people who have recovered from alcohol or, self-help books that have a step by step process to make  better choices and develop healthier habits.

You also need to take care of yourself. Never accept abuse from anyone. Whether you love someone who has a mental illness or an addiction, self-care is a must. Setting strong boundaries teaches your loved one about healthy relationships and ensures that you are safe. Do not isolate yourself, reach out and get support. Everything is easier when it is shared.

Anne Walsh
www,artnsoul.org

Black Card Books

September 12th, 2016

What an amazing weekend! I attended the, Publish a Book and Grow Rich Bootcamp with Gerry Robert and his team. This is a free event spanning the entire weekend from Friday night to Sunday at 5pm. I have so many books in me, just wanting to get out, vying for my attention. I decided to attend this bootcamp because I heard about it, as serendipity would have it, right after I proclaimed to my husband that I was determined to publish a book. I saw it as a sign but I wasn't sure what to expect.

On Friday night, as all 200 attendees registered, workbooks were handed out. I didn't know anyone so I leafed through this document and was tempted to just sit somewhere with a coffee and work my way through it. Everything was in there from choosing my primary objective, identifying my target population, creating a blueprint for my book, getting it funded before I even started writing it, publishing the book and marketing it. I was so excited to read all this content. It was like finding a treasure map, right there in plain sight.

Gerry Robert showed up. I had received clips of the bootcamp via e-mail so I was familiar with his charisma and had heard some of his jokes but there is nothing like seeing him in person. This guy spoke to us pretty much non-stop for three days and I never felt bored. He weaves personal stories with visits from successful authors via Skype and carefully selected slides. He combines this with assignments from the workbook to keep us moving.

I've self-published two children's books, two short stories in a collective works, a deck of art therapy cards and will be releasing my first book in French in a matter of weeks. I know first-hand that getting the book done is rarely the hard part. It's moving the book and raising awareness about your book that can be challenging. As Gerry shared his tricks of the trade with us, I was thinking what a difference this would have made for me when I released my first book. I kept thinking, of course, that makes sense!

We got tips on writing, marketing and speaking. I enjoy public speaking. I would love the opportunity to speak about any of my books. Gerry taught us how to get invited to speak and then sell or give our book to audience members as a marketing tool. What I learned about getting advertisers through interviews and selling one bonus chapter to a co-author as a way to fund my book was pure genius.

I left the conference with clarity and purpose. There were publishing packages available at the conference. I don't have that kind of money at this time but, thanks to everything I have learned for free, I can now prepare the path of success for my book. Today, I will review all my notes and organize a step by step process for my next book. I feel so prepared and excited!

Thank you Gerry Robert for empowering me to do what you have done-start with nothing but grit and determination and end up on top.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

My Speech for Teens

September 9th, 2016

For years, this was a busy time of the year for me, not just because my own children were starting school but because I was a College professor and I was also launching a semester with a brand new group of students. I loved teaching the psychology and leadership classes. I endeavoured to create opportunities for these young adults to formulate their opinions and defend them when others opposed them. There was a mix of students from rural communities, foreign students, some from rich backgrounds, others from poor neighbourhoods. What a fabulous opportunity to open their eyes to diversity.

I now offer stress management workshops in high schools and youth centres. We talk about the pressures of social media to NOT do something stupid because these days, your mistakes are well documented and still on the internet years later. When someone texts you, you feel that you must respond immediately. There is no room for contemplation or delayed reaction. You can't be too busy to bother with your text, Facebook or Messenger. Your iPhone is on you at all times so it is assumed that you know the instant that someone has pinged you and if you don't reply, you must be ignoring that person. Many conflicts stem from unrealistic expectations and miscommunications. I hear so much about the multiple pressures affecting today's teens. They have access to too much information, they have too many choices, they have no time as the responsibilities of school, family, friends and work are compounded. There is no down time. They are always on and accessible even if they don't want to be.

One of the common mistakes according to grade 11 students is the pressure to pick a career. They are expected to orchestrate electives and field placements in grade 12 to reflect their future vocation. Many of them have no clue what they want to do after high school. They are not sure who they are, what they like and, what is available. We all know about careers like becoming a doctor, lawyer, veterinarian, teacher, astronaut, police officer etc but this is not an exclusive list. There are so many options that you don't hear about until you are out of school, living your life. I think a huge responsibility we have as parents is to be open and receptive to our children's talents and interests so we can empower them to gain experience in activities they enjoy. This provides a sense of identity, mastery and belonging to our children. It also exposes them to a potential area of employment for the future. Once you find a few activities you truly enjoy, this leads you to other related activities. You decide what you did or didn't like about a certain activity and sometimes you discover something similar that you like even more. This incremental approach is a much smoother and less stressful process than simply demanding that students choose among the limited options they are aware of at that moment.

When I worked as a College professor, I desperately wanted to change our curriculum so that students spent a minimum amount of time in class taking notes. My vision was to do a thorough intake interview with students to uncover their goals, aspirations, strengths, interests etc. Then contact partners of our program to organize a field placement for the entire semester. Each placement site would be chosen specifically to suit the career goals of our students. We would have course notes online every week. The students would be tested on site to ensure they had mastered these skills. Having to put new skills into practise would demonstrate their ability to function in a real work environment. There are plenty of students who can describe the procedural steps required to complete a task but when they are at their placement site, they are not able to demonstrate this skill. Feedback from placement supervisors would help students improve and gain awareness regarding their particular strengths and areas of improvement. Right now, we force everyone to take the same courses and that results in low retention. The good workers are hired by placement sites, affecting their attendance and overall success in the program. Learning online and through carefully selected placements is the way of the future.

If you are a student, feeling the pressure, confused about where to go, what to do and how to get there, here is my advice to you:

This is your life. Forget the opinions and expectations of others. If you try to do what someone else wants, chances are you won't succeed and they will be disappointed in you. Figure out who you are with these questions:

Do you like being outdoors or indoors?
Do you enjoy having a routine and repeating tasks every day?
Are you a social person who likes to be around people or do you prefer animals, paperwork, art, computers?
Are you good at working with your hands?
Do you thrive in a high stress environment?
Are you adventurous?
Do you like to travel? If so, what kinds of destinations are of interest to you?
Do you have a special talent, something that comes easily to you?
Are you a loner or do you find meaning in working with a team?
What is your ideal dress code, (at home in your pjs, in your swim suit on a beach, in snow pants on a ski slope, jeans and a t-shirt or business suit)?
What kind of people do you enjoy spending time with on a daily basis (snooty, party animals, humanitarians), intellectuals, down-to-earth people?
Do you want to make a difference or just enjoy yourself?
Are you compassionate and intuitive?
Are you creative?
Do you prefer leading or following?
Are you organized and methodical?
Do you know someone who already has your ideal job? Can you contact this person to find out how they got the job and what steps you need to take to get there?
What is more important to you, money or meaning?
Is there a cause that is important to you (environment, addiction, mental health, child development, at-risk youth. advocacy for older adults)?

The more you get to know yourself, the easier it will be for you to find opportunities that match your skill-set. Get involved in your community, take classes, volunteer, join groups, read the local paper. These help you meet people who may lead to opportunities, insights or referrals in the future. By volunteering, you learn skills, you gain experience on the workforce, confidence in yourself and you develop a work ethic. This gives you an advantage over other people your age.

It's ok to not know what you want to do. As long as you are out there gaining experience you will start to discover what you like. If you are a good worker, there will be opportunities coming your way. Take advantage of them because they propel you forwards and result in an impressive resume. At some point down the line, you will find your niche. You will feel satisfied and become quite competent. This may be your life long career or you may eventually change directions and end up somewhere else. It doesn't matter. If you wait to know exactly what you want, you may never get started and you could be pursuing a path that turns out to be a disappointment. Follow your passion, work hard and don't be afraid to take risks. There will always be people to tell you what you should or can't do. They are expressing their opinions. Look at their life, are they fulfilled and happy? If not, it's best to just go with your gut and keep moving. Good luck to you!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Religion and Spirituality

September 8th, 2016

My grandmother was never very religious. When her children were young, they would all go to Church on Sundays but as the children got older the tradition came to a halt. My grandfather gave a lot of money to the Church and he helped out every Sunday. One day he was battling a flu and didn't think he could go to mass. He didn't want to let the priest down so he had a bit of Brandy in milk before he left. He confessed to the priest that he had done this and, when the time came to receive communion, the priest refused to give my grandfather the Holy Host. He never went to Church after that.

Growing up, my mother did not talk about God. She wasn't a believer. We went to Church for a few years because my Aunt Mary and Uncle Paul would pick us up, take us to Sunday Service and treat us to a meal at the Ponderosa Steakhouse afterwards. We were poor and starving so we sat through Church in order to eat every Sunday. When their own son had children, Paul and Mary stopped coming to see us and our routine of attending Church ended.

In my first year of University, I was approached by Campus Crusade for Christ during orientation. They were asking students to fill in their contact information. The hallways were packed. I couldn't go anywhere and this woman with a kind face asked for my phone number. I took the paper thinking I would write the wrong number. To my surprise, I wrote the right one. Then I thought if I could walk forwards just a little bit, I could ball up my paper and throw it in the bin. The lady with the sweet face took the paper out of my hands. I figured I would just tell her I wasn't interested when she called. About eight weeks into the semester, I realized they hadn't called me yet, I was sort of miffed about it. I don't know why. When the call came, I agreed to meet with Laurie, the kind lady. I was curious.

She gave me a copy of the new testament and showed me the diagram of how I had been saved. She informed me that God had a plan for me and all I had to do was accept Jesus into my life. I read the entire New Testament and I became involved with Campus Crusade for a few years. The feeling of having a purpose, of being on the right track and belonging to a group appealed to me. I was on a mission. I met some great people and became quite spiritual. I tried going to Church but the Catholic Church sermons bored me. They were mechanical and the rituals felt empty. I went to a Pentecostal Church with Laurie. I enjoyed meeting her friends but the sermon did not move me. There was an Anglican Church close to the University. I tried it and it was my favourite. They served actual bread and wine during the service which felt more authentic. People lingered after the sermon to have coffee and dessert in the basement. I ended up in the kitchen cleaning dishes with a group of women. I didn't feel judged which was in sharp contrast to every other Church experience I'd ever had. The people there chatted, seeming happy to see one another. They weren't gossipy.

I was quite religious for a few years. I took an elective in University on the religions of the world. Buddhism and Taoism intrigued me. Their statements were very philosophical and I could see their practical applications in everyday life. Over the years, I have come to my own understanding and mix of beliefs. I don't take my daughters to Church but I teach them to be kind to people. I talk about death and angels, energy and spirit. I answer their questions to the best of my ability and let them know that other people believe other things. I encourage them to think for themselves, ask questions, try out prayer, mediation, gratitude journals, yoga and communicating with their Guardian Angels.

It used to be if you didn't go to Church you went to Hell, everyone knew and feared it. This resulted in watching each other, judging one another and being hypocritical to convince others that we were a righteous disciple. The Church can be a great place for some where they feel welcomed, take comfort in the rituals and spend time communing with God, family and community. However, more than ever now, people are turning away from the rigidity of religion. They are either deciding to believe in nothing or science or, to develop their own mix of spirituality, borrowing from different belief systems.

I still consider myself to be a spiritual person. I believe that we are all here for a reason, that people and situations are in our lives for a reason and that synchronicity exists to let us know we are on the right track. I pray for help or guidance before I meet with clients or if I am struggling in my personal life. I meditate and keep a gratitude log in my journal. I do my best to be kind and to help others when I have the opportunity to do so. Each religion promotes love and kindness, the only difference is in how this is expressed. The saddest thing ever is when two individuals fight over their beliefs and harm one another. I love that we live in a country where we can decide what to believe and still be friends with others who have different spiritual convictions. Go with whatever makes you a calmer, more loving and fulfilled person.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Male Role Models

September 7th, 2016

My husband and I were discussing the importance of strong and multiple male role models this morning. Both of our daughters have one male and one female teacher this year, a first. I am thrilled! I think we naturally have lots of female role models. Our caregivers are often women-stay-at-home moms, grandmas, aunts, cousins then, as we leave home, babysitters or daycare staff are mostly women, at school we have predominantly female teachers and, at the doctor or dentist's office, we see female receptionists, nurses and doctors.

Growing up, I didn't have a father. I was lucky that my grandfather retired when I was quite young so we spent a lot of time together, going to the park or visiting relatives. My grandfather was very quiet and polite. He always took his hat off in the presence of a lady and he had a wicked sense of humour. I also had an uncle who treated me like one of his own. He was hard working and successful. He grew up in a poor family and created his own wealth. I respected him for that. Finally, my Godfather became involved in my life as I started University. He is very intellectual and he liked to challenge me, teaching me to think for myself. He was a very spiritual man, not in a preachy way. Each of these men provided a role model. This was important because I ended up marrying a man with my Grandpa's sense of humour, my Uncle's work ethic and my Godfather's intellect.

My husband grew up without a positive male role model. He once told me the men in his family were weak. His father decided he didn't much like children once he'd had one. He was violent to his mom and neglected the children. When my husband saw his dad, he was visiting briefly, just long enough to beat his mom and get her pregnant. Then, he would disappear again. He decided from an early age to do the opposite of what his father had done. Whenever he is faced with a decision, he wonders what his father would do then he goes in the complete opposite direction. My husband had a strong female role mother, his grandmother. She taught him how it feels to be loved. He owes his confidence and success to her. She was a hard worker and he endeavoured to be just like her. That is how he came to be the successful entrepreneur that he is today. However, when he became my husband and, just over a year later, a father, he was lost. How does a husband behave on a daily basis? What do fathers do with their children? We have worked through this together. I wasn't much help because I didn't live with a man during my childhood. We made up our own routines and he developed his own way of fathering through trial and error.

I am happy that my daughters will have two more role models in their lives. Both male teachers have excellent reputations and are quite popular among students. They also have a third male teacher who has taught gym over the past two years but he only sees them for an hour, three times per week. Still, he is yet another example of what a man can be like. Our conversation this morning was about the impact of these teachers on the young boys at that school. There are so many boys growing up without a decent male role model. The father has left or was never around, the parents are divorced and the father gets little to no time them. These boys are surrounded by women at home, daycare and school. How can we expect them to grow into strong, confident young men if they have no guidance? I can just imagine how powerful an excellent male teacher can be to these young men.

Here's to all the teachers, male and female who become powerful templates for our children. Thank you!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Book of the Week-Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

September 6th, 2016

My mother bought me the new Harry Potter book for my birthday. I was excited to read it but I thought I would save it until the girls were back in school as a special treat. One day, I was having a bad day. I had cabin fever and wanted to go out. It was a beautiful day. My husband was at work. My daughters were playing in their room and did not want to change out of their pyjamas to go anywhere. I was grumpy. I had read reviews of the new Harry Potter book, dampening my excitement. I learned that it was written as a play and that some people were disappointed. I decided to start the book. My rationale was that it would be a shame to save the book until September 6th only to be let down.

I thought I would read one chapter, just a sneak peek. Well, I couldn't put it down. I read the entire book within a few days, staying up late, getting up early. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The book is written as a play but you get used to it after a few chapters, once you know the characters.

I remember the thrill of reading the very first Harry Potter novel. A young boy, orphaned, hated by his relatives, neglected and abused, who finds out he is special and is taken to a place where he belongs. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child felt like starting over again. We find out which characters from the first book end up together and we meet their children. Harry's son picks up where his dad left off and the adventure continues.

Another aspect of this book that I enjoyed was time travel. As Potter and his friend try to correct a mistake from the past, they realize that everything happens for a reason. Each change to the past leads to a significantly altered reality in the present, generally not a positive one. Rowling has weaved in some important themes-the reputations we inherit from our parents, the complex relationship betweens parents and their children as they grow up and, the desire to prove oneself through some kind of rite of passage.

I generally favour self-help books but this novel was a refreshing change. Rather than analyze my life, the relationships I have with those around me, my personality, purpose or conflicts, I was transported into another world. Reading fiction stimulates your imagination. It provides a break from everyday life and, a distraction from any worries. Instead, you let the author take you on a journey. You feel various emotions, learn different points of view and are exposed to new ideas.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and was not at all disappointed. I am currently reading a spiritual, self-help book, I can't help in, I am drawn to them. However, I am grateful for the adventure that this work of fiction has provided for me.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Back to School Jitters

September 5th, 2016

My daughters are partying today. They know that, as of tomorrow morning, their lives will change. Every day, we have the talk about homeschooling. "Why can't you just homeschool us?" they ask. Of course, in their minds, homeschooling would be just like summer holidays-the beach, trampoline, pets dolls, play dates, ice cream, parks, swimming and biking. When I explain that homeschooling means they would be studying the same topics as in school minus their friends, they get more contemplative and quiet.

This is a stressful time of the year for many parents and their children. Some children love school and count down the days. However, for many children, the anxiety of not knowing who will be in their class or who their home room teacher will be leads to worrying and sleepless nights.

I know that, as I type this, loads of parents are preparing to bring their 4 year olds to school for the first time. There will be nerves, tears, maybe guilt and that sinking feeling of emptiness once the child is officially in school.

As a former College Professor, I have seen the same anxiety play out with parents who are driving their young adult children to dorms out of town. They are super organized and very busy unpacking and walking around campus with their son or daughter to get them acquainted with the cafeteria, computer room, classrooms and financial aid office. Then, the dreaded moment arrives, the departure. The tension that has been pent up and hidden for the most part bursts opens like a dam. If you see a middle-aged couple sitting at a Tim's, cradling their cups, looking out the window with that far away gaze, you can bet they have just dropped off their college student.

Parents of teens have their own anxieties. Their teens will undoubtedly know many of the students in their grade but this is a new building. There is the knowledge that these teens are heading into a time of their life where parents are less able to shield and protect them. They will have many important choices to make and their future can be altered depending on those choices. Will they hang out with the "good" crowd of kids or the trouble makers? Will they spend their spare time studying or working on assignments or grabbing some lunch with friends and skipping a few classes? When they are out with their friends, will they be offered smokes, alcohol or drugs? Will they accept or decline the offers? When will they have sex? Will they bother to use contraceptives?

When I was starting my first year in University, a friend of my mom gave me great advice. She said: "Everyone is nervous, they are all feeling the same as you so reach out to them and they will be grateful to have someone to talk to". My first class was an elective German class. I looked around. No one was talking. I turned to the person next to me and started a conversation. The students around us were all listening to our conversation and I made eye contact to include as many as I could. I am a super shy person but her advice gave me the confidence to initiate conversations because I felt like I was helping put others at ease. I forgot about my own fears and anxieties. Thanks Beth!

So, whether your child is returning to elementary school, high school, College or University, there are things you can do to help him/her adjust and, to keep yourself from having a cardiac arrest.

Young child starting Junior Kindergarten:
If your child has not been in daycare, going to play groups is a great way to acquaint them with some of the elements of school such as carpet time, putting shoes and coats away in a cubby, eating out of a lunch kit etc. For children who have never been apart from parents, you may want to try out short programs like gymnastics, art classes, swimming or some kind of experience where they must transfer their trust and attachment to another adult. This teaches them that they can be safe and happy away from you. You can practise writing their name, learning their address and phone number and reciting the alphabet so these notions are familiar to them. Show them all their school supplies. Do they know how to open everything? This helps them feel independent. Can they put on and remove their velcro sneakers on their own? Are they able to take off their coat? It's a good idea to visit the classroom prior to the first day of school, meet the teacher and get acquainted with the layout-where to put shoes, location of desk, place on carpet etc. Talking about what to expect is also beneficial. On the first morning of school, providing a filling breakfast, speaking positively about starting school and having a clean cut off point are all helpful. I waited too long with my youngest. I was standing outside the school yard and when the time came to go into class, my daughter ran to the fence and tried to climb it. The teacher had to pull her off the fence and carry her off. It hurt so bad, I cried all morning. It would have been easier if I went with her to meet the teacher then kissed her, wished her a good first day of school and walked to my car. I just couldn't do it.

Teenagers:
Depending on your relationship with your teen and their personality, you could go out somewhere special and talk about their feelings re: their transition to high school. Visiting the school ahead of time is also a good idea as they know where to go on the first day when the halls are crowded. Meeting the teachers, if possible, is an excellent start. Having a great dialogue with your teen means he or she will be able to discuss issues with you as they come up. Planning to meet up with friends and walk to school together can go a long way toward reducing anxiety about being alone or self-conscious. Welcoming their friends into your home will increase your connection to your teen's friends. You will hear your teen speak freely about fears. It also gives you an opportunity to troubleshoot with them as a group. Being available to talk about the first day after school in a casual way-going for a walk or drive or, while preparing a meal, allows your teen to talk without having to look at you directly. My best conversations with teens in my theatre program was often as we were walking to class not when they sat across from me at the office.

Young Adults:
If your child is off to College or University, you want to make sure you have provided some basic every day living skills. They can cook a few meals, they know how to do their own laundry, they have a budget and know how to manage it, they are acquainted with the buses that can take them to important locations and have a meal plan. Again, visiting the campus, meeting faculty and touring facilities ahead of time makes everything more familiar once your son or daughter moves to the new city. You'll want to explore the city together and find places your child can go-library, coffeehouse, grocery store, bank, movie theatre etc. Letting your son or daughter know that you are just a phone call away and that you love them no matter what will empower them to make good choices while they are away. Troubleshooting is also beneficial. What if they go to a party with someone and that person has too much to drink? If they can't call you because you are out of town, what could they do to get home safely? The more organized they are prior to the first day and the more life skills you have given them, the easier the adjustment.

What about the parents after the child is in school? Empty nesters often feel depressed, lost, sad and confused once the children are in school. Plan something fun for that first day. Go and see a movie, meet a friend for coffee, buy a good book and plan to start it in a warm bath. If you are a stay-at-home parent and your days feel empty without your children, consider volunteering somewhere or working part-time or start a new hobby.

Whatever the circumstances, you are not alone. Talk to people about your feelings and you will hear their stories as well. You may even make a good friend. Good luck to all the parents tomorrow.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Patsy and I-BFFs

September 2nd, 2016

Dear reader,

I owe you an apology. The Friday prior to the arrival of my mother-in-law for her first ever visit, I wrote that I would not write during her visit but I would resume my blog after she left our home. Well, things didn't exactly true out that way. This is my first blog since then, a month later than expected.

However, much has happened since I last wrote. My visit with my mother-in-law, Patsy, was a success. I wasn't sure what to expect. I was very nervous. The way my husband described her, I expected her to criticize everything about me-what I wore, the cleanliness of our home and, my approach to motherhood. It wasn't like that at all. Patsy knows what she likes and tells it like it is. I found this refreshing because I never had to wonder if she liked something. She would tell me. I didn't have to worry that I was making her tea wrong for two weeks and that she would go home and complain to everyone about it. This is so often the case where people don't want to hurt your feelings and so you go on irritating them and everyone knows but you. Within 24 hours, I knew which cup was her favourite, when she liked her tea, what snacks she preferred and which of our chairs were the right size for her to sit comfortably. I was able to enjoy our visit because I wasn't second-guessing anything and, when I did something for her she really appreciated it.

Patsy loves to talk, she's like a live history book. I learned a great deal about her, London culture in general and, my husband. I started taking notes. She's my husband's mother, he has his own history with her which means he has "his stories" about her. He was embarrassed by her talking and would get irritated with her. She was a new person to me and I had a great time serving food and listening to stories. We really became good friends. What I didn't realize was that out of her five children, no one really took care of Patsy. One of her daughters takes her out once a year for a Mother's Day/Birthday meal-killing two birds with one stone. Other than that, she mostly lives with her son who is ill and spends his days locked up in his room. Patsy was limited by her mobility issues. On her first night here, she had to take a break on the landing on her way up the stairs to her room. She wheezed and held onto the banister. I worried she would have a heart attack.

We welcomed her into our family, looked after her and treated her with dignity. Patsy said she felt "less disabled" after a few days. She ate healthy meals with us and we took her out a few times to show her the shops in Merrickville or to celebrate my birthday in Ottawa. I took her and the girls to get mani/pedis. She pointed out that her toes were all piled up onto each other. The nail polish was getting smudged. I bought gel toe separators so she could help her toes move back to their original location. She wore the gel separators at night before bed. Within days, she was walking around the house, feeling more stable. She lost weight and was getting up the stairs without getting winded.

We were all amazed by her progress. One morning, she decided to try my treadmill. She also came swimming with us. She started to notice the difference between the way she was treated at home and how it felt to be here with us. She didn't want to go back. She wanted to buy a home up the street and live close by. She did return to the UK but she felt much more confident. She could see how people were using her for her money back home. We never asked her for any money. We just wanted her to have a nice visit. She started to eat healthier foods and walk around more, she refused to answer the phone when her adult children and grandchildren called her for money. She told her son he needed to smoke outside the house and get out of the house every day. It was good for both of them. Patsy has already booked her flight to come and visit us over the Christmas holidays. I was overjoyed at this transformation and our role in it.

What I couldn't anticipate was my husband's reaction to his mother's visit. Prior to her arrival, he was working crazy hours as he always does before a vacation. I was making decisions and arrangements and he had no opinion, he was too tired to think. When she did get here, he enjoyed her for the first 24 hours then he started bickering with her. His anxiety and anger increased. He fought with her on my birthday which was a drag. He eventually just went out a lot or stayed away from us. It left me alone with his mom and our daughters. When she left, he went through two weeks of anxiety and sadness. I couldn't understand it nor could he. He was also experiencing more nightmares than usual. For two weeks after her departure, the emotional aftershock and lack of sleep left me drained so I had no energy to write.

Then, as our life was returning to normal, my friend Chris sent me the link to a funding opportunity for writers. I love to write and I have had a few projects on the back-burner for some time. These are writing projects I'd like to pursue but have no ability to fund. I was actually eligible for it so I devoted the past two weeks to writing my bio, gathering samples of my work, getting them scanned, revising my resume and learning how to blank out my name from documents. I finally submitted my application yesterday afternoon. It felt soon good to get it done. I have never applied for funds before and I worried that this lack of experience would be apparent but I did it anyways. I won't know until November 18th, 2016 if I will receive any funding but I feel proud go myself for getting the application completed and submitted.

Ironically, the fund is for writers with children under the age of 18. The toughest part of the application process was getting out of the house to get copies done and scanned or to have time to dig up documents or type up my bio. My children are at home all summer and I have very little time to myself so getting my application in was quite the juggling act. Next week, my daughters will be back in school. I will miss them. I will, however, welcome the space and time to create, exercise, get out of the house, meet with friends and hang out with my husband on his days off.

Today, the girls are determined to stay in their underwear all day, to eat and play in their room. We will go out together later and they will want to talk about school and speculate; "What if my friends are not in my classroom? What if I get a mean teacher?". We will savour our time together, eating ice cream, walking on the sandy beach, jumping on the trampoline and, for them, playing with their dolls in the dark, way after I have tucked them in.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org