My Speech for Teens

September 9th, 2016

For years, this was a busy time of the year for me, not just because my own children were starting school but because I was a College professor and I was also launching a semester with a brand new group of students. I loved teaching the psychology and leadership classes. I endeavoured to create opportunities for these young adults to formulate their opinions and defend them when others opposed them. There was a mix of students from rural communities, foreign students, some from rich backgrounds, others from poor neighbourhoods. What a fabulous opportunity to open their eyes to diversity.

I now offer stress management workshops in high schools and youth centres. We talk about the pressures of social media to NOT do something stupid because these days, your mistakes are well documented and still on the internet years later. When someone texts you, you feel that you must respond immediately. There is no room for contemplation or delayed reaction. You can't be too busy to bother with your text, Facebook or Messenger. Your iPhone is on you at all times so it is assumed that you know the instant that someone has pinged you and if you don't reply, you must be ignoring that person. Many conflicts stem from unrealistic expectations and miscommunications. I hear so much about the multiple pressures affecting today's teens. They have access to too much information, they have too many choices, they have no time as the responsibilities of school, family, friends and work are compounded. There is no down time. They are always on and accessible even if they don't want to be.

One of the common mistakes according to grade 11 students is the pressure to pick a career. They are expected to orchestrate electives and field placements in grade 12 to reflect their future vocation. Many of them have no clue what they want to do after high school. They are not sure who they are, what they like and, what is available. We all know about careers like becoming a doctor, lawyer, veterinarian, teacher, astronaut, police officer etc but this is not an exclusive list. There are so many options that you don't hear about until you are out of school, living your life. I think a huge responsibility we have as parents is to be open and receptive to our children's talents and interests so we can empower them to gain experience in activities they enjoy. This provides a sense of identity, mastery and belonging to our children. It also exposes them to a potential area of employment for the future. Once you find a few activities you truly enjoy, this leads you to other related activities. You decide what you did or didn't like about a certain activity and sometimes you discover something similar that you like even more. This incremental approach is a much smoother and less stressful process than simply demanding that students choose among the limited options they are aware of at that moment.

When I worked as a College professor, I desperately wanted to change our curriculum so that students spent a minimum amount of time in class taking notes. My vision was to do a thorough intake interview with students to uncover their goals, aspirations, strengths, interests etc. Then contact partners of our program to organize a field placement for the entire semester. Each placement site would be chosen specifically to suit the career goals of our students. We would have course notes online every week. The students would be tested on site to ensure they had mastered these skills. Having to put new skills into practise would demonstrate their ability to function in a real work environment. There are plenty of students who can describe the procedural steps required to complete a task but when they are at their placement site, they are not able to demonstrate this skill. Feedback from placement supervisors would help students improve and gain awareness regarding their particular strengths and areas of improvement. Right now, we force everyone to take the same courses and that results in low retention. The good workers are hired by placement sites, affecting their attendance and overall success in the program. Learning online and through carefully selected placements is the way of the future.

If you are a student, feeling the pressure, confused about where to go, what to do and how to get there, here is my advice to you:

This is your life. Forget the opinions and expectations of others. If you try to do what someone else wants, chances are you won't succeed and they will be disappointed in you. Figure out who you are with these questions:

Do you like being outdoors or indoors?
Do you enjoy having a routine and repeating tasks every day?
Are you a social person who likes to be around people or do you prefer animals, paperwork, art, computers?
Are you good at working with your hands?
Do you thrive in a high stress environment?
Are you adventurous?
Do you like to travel? If so, what kinds of destinations are of interest to you?
Do you have a special talent, something that comes easily to you?
Are you a loner or do you find meaning in working with a team?
What is your ideal dress code, (at home in your pjs, in your swim suit on a beach, in snow pants on a ski slope, jeans and a t-shirt or business suit)?
What kind of people do you enjoy spending time with on a daily basis (snooty, party animals, humanitarians), intellectuals, down-to-earth people?
Do you want to make a difference or just enjoy yourself?
Are you compassionate and intuitive?
Are you creative?
Do you prefer leading or following?
Are you organized and methodical?
Do you know someone who already has your ideal job? Can you contact this person to find out how they got the job and what steps you need to take to get there?
What is more important to you, money or meaning?
Is there a cause that is important to you (environment, addiction, mental health, child development, at-risk youth. advocacy for older adults)?

The more you get to know yourself, the easier it will be for you to find opportunities that match your skill-set. Get involved in your community, take classes, volunteer, join groups, read the local paper. These help you meet people who may lead to opportunities, insights or referrals in the future. By volunteering, you learn skills, you gain experience on the workforce, confidence in yourself and you develop a work ethic. This gives you an advantage over other people your age.

It's ok to not know what you want to do. As long as you are out there gaining experience you will start to discover what you like. If you are a good worker, there will be opportunities coming your way. Take advantage of them because they propel you forwards and result in an impressive resume. At some point down the line, you will find your niche. You will feel satisfied and become quite competent. This may be your life long career or you may eventually change directions and end up somewhere else. It doesn't matter. If you wait to know exactly what you want, you may never get started and you could be pursuing a path that turns out to be a disappointment. Follow your passion, work hard and don't be afraid to take risks. There will always be people to tell you what you should or can't do. They are expressing their opinions. Look at their life, are they fulfilled and happy? If not, it's best to just go with your gut and keep moving. Good luck to you!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Mortality

July 12th, 2016

I didn't have to wonder what to write about tonight. Two years ago today, my husband and I were in a car crash. We went out for a date and had a great time. On our way back, mere blocks from our home, a teenager, texting while driving hit our car from behind. I hit the back of my head so hard, my sunglasses flew off. I found them weeks later in the wreckage. I went for massage therapy then physiotherapy and biofeedback. I am much better now but I still have reminders of the accident when I can't find the word I am looking for, when I am exhausted at the end of the day, when my head or neck hurt or I feel dizzy. However, I feel grateful to be alive.

Today, two years later, my husband and I received some terrible news. A friend of ours has lost her husband. Our babysitter and her sister have lost their dad. He died from a heart attack at work. We found out from one of his co-workers who just happened to be my husband's friend. He was only 52 years old, he wasn't ill, there was no warning, he went to work and didn't return. We were all shocked, wondering, hoping it was a case of mistaken identity. It wasn't.

My husband and his friend went out for drinks as they do every two weeks. They talked about their lives, reviewed their decisions and assessed their priorities. It was a sobering evening to say the least.

I was at home with our daughters. They were very sad to hear that their favourite babysitter's father had died. They couldn't believe it was true. They thought about their own father who was out for the evening. The possibility that he wouldn't come home felt excruciating and frightening. As I spent time with them, I felt so grateful to be alive, to have the opportunity to create memories with them.

Throughout the evening, I did my own soul searching. If I died today, what would be left undone, what would I regret? The biggest loss would be not being around to raise my daughters. I love them so much and I want to be here for them every step of the way. I started to mentally create a bucket list. What do I absolutely want to do before I die?

Here is what I've come up with so far:
1-Raise two confident, compassionate, kind and generous girls
2-Travel through Canada, the USA, Australia and Europe
3-Learn to live sustainably-grow my own food, use solar energy, have an eco-friendly home
4-Take care of my mother financially so she can enjoy her golden years
5-Become a published author
6-Give at least one Ted Talk
7-Master at least one art form
8-Grow into a fit older lady
9-Find a way to ensure every child in my town has food and warm clothing in the winter
10-Empower women to support their families

When someone dies, it is a wake-up call. Are we wasting time or do we use each day to create something good? Have we set goals? Are we progressing toward them? Does our life truly reflect our values? Take a moment to create your bucket list. What would you like to accomplish in this lifetime? Stop putting it off. Start now.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org