The Holiday Blues

December 13th, 2016

Last week, I wrote about how shopping for loved ones puts me in the Christmas spirit. There was a snow day yesterday and we had a great time snuggling together, sipping soup and enjoying our day.

Today, I want to explore the flip side of this experience. There are many people who dread this season. Do you know someone who has lost a loved one? The first everything is very challenging. This season is full of traditions, routines and memories. When someone has passed on, it can change everything. Who will host Christmas dinner? Who will be invited? Who gets the decorations? It is normal to not want to decorate or celebrate without your loved one. It can be helpful to include them in the new traditions (e.g. leave a chair at the table for the loved one, have a photo displayed on the mantle, a new Christmas decoration for the tree or partaking in an activity that that person always enjoyed as a way of bringing them into the celebrations).

There are people for whom family reunions are painful. They may not feel emotionally or physically safe. What if your memories of Christmas with family include alcoholism, verbal and physical violence or sexual abuse? How can Christmas ever feel like a festive holiday season with such negative associations? Luckily, many individuals go on to have their own families and begin new traditions.

What about all the lonely people who feel excluded from the good cheer and gatherings? This can include newly divorced, recently immigrated, homeless, recovering addicts and alcoholics as well as  a host of older adults in long term care facilities (just to name a few). When everything is closed for the holidays and you have no loved ones to celebrate with, this holiday season can feel quite lonely and depressing.

When I worked as a college professor, there were students excited to head home for the holiday, looking forward to good food and warm hugs. However, some students stayed behind. They spent the holidays on campus, in residence.

Hospitals and long term care facilities are the saddest places over the holidays. I remember carolling with staff and seeing residents cry or go in their bedrooms and close the door. It was just too sad. Again, a few would go home for the weekend with family but many were left behind. Some families dropped off gifts at the main desk but never went to visit their parent.

So, what can you do if you are alone or sad among a crowd of people during the holidays?

1-Write out the story that you are telling yourself about being alone over Christmas.
2-What are the beliefs supporting this story?
3-What would you tell someone else who was going through this experience?
4-How can you support yourself through this time?
5-Who could be your allies? Do you know anyone else who will be alone over the holidays or who is going through a similar situation? Collect like-minded people and make plans with them.
6-Create a list of what gives you pleasure and see how many of these activities you can fit into your holiday.
7-Be gentle and kind to yourself.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org