December 30th, 2016
On January 1st 2016, I set off on a journey, to write one post per day for one year. I started off strong, keeping to my schedule. I had an ambitious vision of posts on various topics assigned to every day of the week. I soon realized that trying to write on the weekends when my children were home, my mother was visiting and my husband was off work, only created stress. I was not enjoying my quality time with them because all I could think of was that I had promised to write very day and I should do it.
I soon revised my plan so that I only wrote during weekdays. On the weekends I spent quality time with my friends and family. This worked much better. I still enjoyed writing but my topics became more predictable. I couldn't organize a tour of a cheese producing facility or farm in time for the blog so I focused on concepts, books, articles, experiences. I also journal every day and, at times, I had to remember that this blog was public. I needed to ask myself what I wanted to share with strangers and what I should keep to myself.
I had no idea how many people would read my posts. After a year of writing, I have maybe ten people who read my blog. I have heard the advice of professional bloggers to add photos, provide tips, have risky topics and get lots of advertising on your blog. I just wanted to write. It is therapeutic for me to write. I read a lot and like to share what I have learned. This helps me consolidate the information and I feel like someone who needs to see this might learn from reading my post.
A by-product of this blog is that I feel more like a writer than I did one year ago. It has helped me shape my identity as a writer. I plan to continue writing but not on a daily basis. I have another blog devoted to art therapy. I have neglected that blog this past year. I will alternate between writing on this blog and the art therapy one, writing monthly. I do have followers on my other blog and people post comments so it is more active than this one. I am glad I did this little experiment.
2017 is a big year for me. I want to finish writing, The Mommy Monologues and do more public speaking. I'd like to write, The Daddy Diaries as a follow-up to the first book. Writing this type of book is so fulfilling for me. I meet interesting people, hear heroic, fascinating stories about how strong, resourceful and resilient we are and I get to share them with a broader audience which becomes therapeutic for them and for the people whose stories are in the book. I learn a great deal from these interviews and so I gain from the experience as well.
I'd like to thank the ten individuals who have read my posts consistently. It motivated me to keep going, knowing that someone would read what I wrote. I hope some of the topics were useful to you.
I will tune in regularly with more posts. Until then, have a happy, healthy, peaceful, prosperous new year!!!!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday 30 December 2016
Thursday 29 December 2016
What Will You Do In 2017?
December 29th, 2016
The new year is only a few days away. Are you getting excited? Have you started exercising or dieting? Have you written down your new year's resolutions? For many, 2016 was a difficult year. They are looking forward to a fresh start. How about you?
Before we rush forward, anticipating all the great things that will happen, let's review 2016. Ask yourself the following questions:
What was the highlight of 2016 for me?
What decisions did I make that improved my life?
What actions or inaction do I regret?
Who were the people who stood by me or added to the quality of my life over the past year? How can I thank them or show my appreciation?
Assess your life and see what you'd like to change then identify the pieces of your puzzle that you wish to keep "as is".
Let's start with you. How healthy are you right now? You know what to do, move more, eat less, drink water etc. Are you overweight or a healthy weight? Are you underweight. If your weight is an issue, how can you get back to a healthy body in 2017? Is the weight from stress or food or lack of exercise? See what you can do to move more in a way you will enjoy; dancing around the house, getting a gym membership, signing up for Zumba or having a walk with a friend on a regular basis. How can you balance your nutrition? Can you prepare granola or smoothies to ensure you have a quick, nutritious start to your day? Research recipes that contain your favourite ingredients and cook them in a healthy way.
How are your relationships? Do you have a few good friends you can count on? If not, where could you go to meet like-minded individuals? Do you spend too much time on your own, hiding in your house or behind your desk? If you know some great people but you don't see them very often, make an effort to include them in your life. Having a good support system is important. If you have a partner, take an honest look at your relationship. Do you make time for each other? Do you listen to each other and connect emotionally and physically? If not, see if you can swap babysitting services with another couple and get out for a date. Share your highlights of 2016 and your dreams for 2017. Do they match? How can you be supportive of each other?
Are you where you want to be in your life? There is usually one area of life that lags behind. You may be super successful but single or happily married but stuck in your career. What area of your life needs some work? Make that a priority. Write a positive goal statement. Think of three steps you can take to move towards your goal. Imagine what it will feel like to reach this goal. Identify friends and family who will be supportive. You will need to share your goal with people you trust. Start moving in that direction and watch what happens. It should excite you otherwise, pick a different goal, one that is more meaningful to you.
You are here for a reason, we all are. Do you know what your purpose is? If not, ask your close friends and relatives for feedback. Their responses may surprise you. There is so much that comes naturally to you, that you take for granted. Others will know this about you. Their feedback can guide you toward activities; personal or professional that lead to fulfillment.
Regardless of where you are now, where you want to be by the end of 2017 and how far you are from your end goal, I hope the year 2017 is filled with opportunities for joy, love, peace and purpose. Happy New Year everyone!!!!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
The new year is only a few days away. Are you getting excited? Have you started exercising or dieting? Have you written down your new year's resolutions? For many, 2016 was a difficult year. They are looking forward to a fresh start. How about you?
Before we rush forward, anticipating all the great things that will happen, let's review 2016. Ask yourself the following questions:
What was the highlight of 2016 for me?
What decisions did I make that improved my life?
What actions or inaction do I regret?
Who were the people who stood by me or added to the quality of my life over the past year? How can I thank them or show my appreciation?
Assess your life and see what you'd like to change then identify the pieces of your puzzle that you wish to keep "as is".
Let's start with you. How healthy are you right now? You know what to do, move more, eat less, drink water etc. Are you overweight or a healthy weight? Are you underweight. If your weight is an issue, how can you get back to a healthy body in 2017? Is the weight from stress or food or lack of exercise? See what you can do to move more in a way you will enjoy; dancing around the house, getting a gym membership, signing up for Zumba or having a walk with a friend on a regular basis. How can you balance your nutrition? Can you prepare granola or smoothies to ensure you have a quick, nutritious start to your day? Research recipes that contain your favourite ingredients and cook them in a healthy way.
How are your relationships? Do you have a few good friends you can count on? If not, where could you go to meet like-minded individuals? Do you spend too much time on your own, hiding in your house or behind your desk? If you know some great people but you don't see them very often, make an effort to include them in your life. Having a good support system is important. If you have a partner, take an honest look at your relationship. Do you make time for each other? Do you listen to each other and connect emotionally and physically? If not, see if you can swap babysitting services with another couple and get out for a date. Share your highlights of 2016 and your dreams for 2017. Do they match? How can you be supportive of each other?
Are you where you want to be in your life? There is usually one area of life that lags behind. You may be super successful but single or happily married but stuck in your career. What area of your life needs some work? Make that a priority. Write a positive goal statement. Think of three steps you can take to move towards your goal. Imagine what it will feel like to reach this goal. Identify friends and family who will be supportive. You will need to share your goal with people you trust. Start moving in that direction and watch what happens. It should excite you otherwise, pick a different goal, one that is more meaningful to you.
You are here for a reason, we all are. Do you know what your purpose is? If not, ask your close friends and relatives for feedback. Their responses may surprise you. There is so much that comes naturally to you, that you take for granted. Others will know this about you. Their feedback can guide you toward activities; personal or professional that lead to fulfillment.
Regardless of where you are now, where you want to be by the end of 2017 and how far you are from your end goal, I hope the year 2017 is filled with opportunities for joy, love, peace and purpose. Happy New Year everyone!!!!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday 27 December 2016
One More Seat at the Dinner Table
December 27th, 2016
My husband invited his mother to join us for Christmas this year. I was worried. It is such a relaxing, peaceful, enjoyable holiday. My husband's relationship with his mother is intense. They can talk and laugh then suddenly, out of nowhere, it all takes a wrong turn, hurtful words are spoken, voices are raised. Would this change the feeling of our holiday? I thought it might be the last year that our eldest would believe in Santa and, considering the mess up with our youngest daughter's gift from Santa (still no parcel from Amazon), it might be her last year as well. I didn't want to mess it up.
I enjoy my mother-in-law. She is funny and she is even healthier than during her last visit in the summer so there are more activities we can do. She loves her cup of tea, sweets and talking about everything and anything. I feel comfortable with her. She is direct and I know what she wants, likes and hates, which makes it easy for me.
Whenever she comes for a visit, I observe first-hand how my husband and his mother interact; what annoys him (her saying racist things or recalling past events in a way that shines a more positive light on her), what hurts her (when he raises his voice, asks her to stop talking or says she is being selfish) and, what brings them closer (music, movies, the Queen). As I spent time with my mother and his, I observed how our own expectations can mess up an opportunity to create happy memories. We forget that our parents are human beings with qualities that we take for granted, judge weaknesses that come from their own upbringing and life experiences and, personality traits that make them who they are.
I am reading a book by Melissa Moore called, Whole. I was reading a chapter on forgiveness on Boxing Day. My husband was upset because of something his mother said that he felt was hurtful and inappropriate. I asked him to read that chapter. It seemed to clear the air. The chapter urges people to stop when someone has hurt or angered them and consider the intention of the person, the context in which that person was raised, how their life and belief system were shaped. If you can think of that person as another soul on a journey toward personal growth, you realize that you are also imperfect, a fellow traveller.
Christmas is a time to celebrate but it is also filled with expectations. Whatever conflicts or issues already exist seem to be intensified over the holidays. Stepping back from our expectations, we create space to let each person bring what they can, to show up "as is" and be loved. Everyone needs to belong to a group. On Christmas Day, my mother-in-law was overwhelmed when she received a full stocking (a first for her) and gifts from my mother, her son, the children and myself. She started to cry and we were all taken aback. We asked what was wrong and she just said she felt loved and it was a bit overwhelming. We all stopped what we were doing, even the kids, and gave her a hug.
That one moment transformed Christmas morning for me. I imagined what it must be like to never receive a gift or stocking at Christmas, or to not feel loved or never feel that you belong to any group. I was so moved and it made me grateful for the love in my life. Our daughters watched her in awe. They were so sweet to her, fetching her slippers, bringing a foot stool and offering her candy. I was proud of my girls. Sometimes, you need to be confronted with someone's pain in order to notice the absence of it in your own life. We are so lucky. We have each other, we love one another and only want what's best for everyone.
I am grateful for my mother-in-law. She brought an appreciation of Christmas for us. She gave our daughters an opportunity to be compassionate and helpful. My husband learned to accept her as she is, flawed but still the woman who gave him life. I am grateful for my family. They are kind and loving and I am thrilled to belong them. Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you are all safe, loved and at peace!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
My husband invited his mother to join us for Christmas this year. I was worried. It is such a relaxing, peaceful, enjoyable holiday. My husband's relationship with his mother is intense. They can talk and laugh then suddenly, out of nowhere, it all takes a wrong turn, hurtful words are spoken, voices are raised. Would this change the feeling of our holiday? I thought it might be the last year that our eldest would believe in Santa and, considering the mess up with our youngest daughter's gift from Santa (still no parcel from Amazon), it might be her last year as well. I didn't want to mess it up.
I enjoy my mother-in-law. She is funny and she is even healthier than during her last visit in the summer so there are more activities we can do. She loves her cup of tea, sweets and talking about everything and anything. I feel comfortable with her. She is direct and I know what she wants, likes and hates, which makes it easy for me.
Whenever she comes for a visit, I observe first-hand how my husband and his mother interact; what annoys him (her saying racist things or recalling past events in a way that shines a more positive light on her), what hurts her (when he raises his voice, asks her to stop talking or says she is being selfish) and, what brings them closer (music, movies, the Queen). As I spent time with my mother and his, I observed how our own expectations can mess up an opportunity to create happy memories. We forget that our parents are human beings with qualities that we take for granted, judge weaknesses that come from their own upbringing and life experiences and, personality traits that make them who they are.
I am reading a book by Melissa Moore called, Whole. I was reading a chapter on forgiveness on Boxing Day. My husband was upset because of something his mother said that he felt was hurtful and inappropriate. I asked him to read that chapter. It seemed to clear the air. The chapter urges people to stop when someone has hurt or angered them and consider the intention of the person, the context in which that person was raised, how their life and belief system were shaped. If you can think of that person as another soul on a journey toward personal growth, you realize that you are also imperfect, a fellow traveller.
Christmas is a time to celebrate but it is also filled with expectations. Whatever conflicts or issues already exist seem to be intensified over the holidays. Stepping back from our expectations, we create space to let each person bring what they can, to show up "as is" and be loved. Everyone needs to belong to a group. On Christmas Day, my mother-in-law was overwhelmed when she received a full stocking (a first for her) and gifts from my mother, her son, the children and myself. She started to cry and we were all taken aback. We asked what was wrong and she just said she felt loved and it was a bit overwhelming. We all stopped what we were doing, even the kids, and gave her a hug.
That one moment transformed Christmas morning for me. I imagined what it must be like to never receive a gift or stocking at Christmas, or to not feel loved or never feel that you belong to any group. I was so moved and it made me grateful for the love in my life. Our daughters watched her in awe. They were so sweet to her, fetching her slippers, bringing a foot stool and offering her candy. I was proud of my girls. Sometimes, you need to be confronted with someone's pain in order to notice the absence of it in your own life. We are so lucky. We have each other, we love one another and only want what's best for everyone.
I am grateful for my mother-in-law. She brought an appreciation of Christmas for us. She gave our daughters an opportunity to be compassionate and helpful. My husband learned to accept her as she is, flawed but still the woman who gave him life. I am grateful for my family. They are kind and loving and I am thrilled to belong them. Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you are all safe, loved and at peace!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday 22 December 2016
The Story of Santa and the Doll
December 22nd, 2016
Things are much calmer now. My mother-in-law has arrived and I no longer spend so much time cleaning and preparing the house. Now, I just hang out, make tea, cook and chat. I can do that.
Yesterday, we went to the school to hear our eldest daughter sing in the Christmas concert. She handed out gifts to her teachers with a huge smile on her face. It warmed my heart to watch her light up. She has awesome teachers, she loves them so much and it felt good to acknowledge how important they are to her. Later, we all went to the Merry Memories evening at the school where they do crafts and games in every room. It was nice to see the teachers interacting with the students. They have the best staff at that school, really devoted people.
I felt pretty organized this year. The house was getting de-cluttered and cleaned and I purchased or ordered the gifts well in advance. We each get two gifts but then I buy an extra gift from each of our daughters for my husband, my mother and my mother-in-law. As for our daughters, there is always the gift from Santa. They open that one first. I thoroughly enjoy the whole Santa ritual; a plate of cookies, some milk, oats for the deer etc. Then in the morning, their faces light up as they see presents under the tree. Santa's gift is always wrapped in brown paper. Magic!
I thought for sure our eldest would stop believing by now but she is still excited about Saint-Nick. A few years ago, my husband tucked a piece of red felt in the door. It was a torn bit from our tree skirt. He told our eldest that Santa must have torn his coat. Our daughter's eyes were wide open and she held her breath. She kept that piece of felt in her hands for days. It ended up on her "no touching shelf".
This year, our daughters' requests for Santa were quite specific and they only wrote one thing on their list. I ordered them on amazon on Dec. 3rd. They were due on December 12th. I picked up the one parcel on December 15th. The other one was nowhere in sight. I checked its status on Amazon and noticed that the delivery date was now estimated as December 26th. I panicked. I contacted Amazon then the seller. The seller's response was not impressive: "Deal with Amazon cause we didn't process that order". Amazon didn't even respond to my comment.
Now I am in a tough situation. My girls believe a magical Santa has received their request and will deliver their gifts on time. I only have one gift and it's too late to order the doll from elsewhere. I can't have Santa only deliver one parcel. What do I tell my girls if I give neither of them their gift from Santa? How do I explain this?
I am so disappointed and frustrated. I ordered early, I paid extra to get the item shipped and delivered on time and, apparently someone who orders it on December 21st could receive it by December 23rd. I visited my Amazon account page to take a photo of the item and e-mail it to my husband. He was heading over to Ogdensburg, NY in the US. I thought they might have this doll there. I was shocked to see them advertising that it wasn't too late to get the doll in time for Christmas. Apparently, you would order it on December 21st and receive it by December 23rd.
So, I would not be surprised if this was the last year that both our daughters believe in Santa. Thank you Amazon for creating all this stress and doing nothing about it. You have messed up our last year of magic. If any of you have suggestions on how to keep them believing despite the lack of gifts, I would love to hear them.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Things are much calmer now. My mother-in-law has arrived and I no longer spend so much time cleaning and preparing the house. Now, I just hang out, make tea, cook and chat. I can do that.
Yesterday, we went to the school to hear our eldest daughter sing in the Christmas concert. She handed out gifts to her teachers with a huge smile on her face. It warmed my heart to watch her light up. She has awesome teachers, she loves them so much and it felt good to acknowledge how important they are to her. Later, we all went to the Merry Memories evening at the school where they do crafts and games in every room. It was nice to see the teachers interacting with the students. They have the best staff at that school, really devoted people.
I felt pretty organized this year. The house was getting de-cluttered and cleaned and I purchased or ordered the gifts well in advance. We each get two gifts but then I buy an extra gift from each of our daughters for my husband, my mother and my mother-in-law. As for our daughters, there is always the gift from Santa. They open that one first. I thoroughly enjoy the whole Santa ritual; a plate of cookies, some milk, oats for the deer etc. Then in the morning, their faces light up as they see presents under the tree. Santa's gift is always wrapped in brown paper. Magic!
I thought for sure our eldest would stop believing by now but she is still excited about Saint-Nick. A few years ago, my husband tucked a piece of red felt in the door. It was a torn bit from our tree skirt. He told our eldest that Santa must have torn his coat. Our daughter's eyes were wide open and she held her breath. She kept that piece of felt in her hands for days. It ended up on her "no touching shelf".
This year, our daughters' requests for Santa were quite specific and they only wrote one thing on their list. I ordered them on amazon on Dec. 3rd. They were due on December 12th. I picked up the one parcel on December 15th. The other one was nowhere in sight. I checked its status on Amazon and noticed that the delivery date was now estimated as December 26th. I panicked. I contacted Amazon then the seller. The seller's response was not impressive: "Deal with Amazon cause we didn't process that order". Amazon didn't even respond to my comment.
Now I am in a tough situation. My girls believe a magical Santa has received their request and will deliver their gifts on time. I only have one gift and it's too late to order the doll from elsewhere. I can't have Santa only deliver one parcel. What do I tell my girls if I give neither of them their gift from Santa? How do I explain this?
I am so disappointed and frustrated. I ordered early, I paid extra to get the item shipped and delivered on time and, apparently someone who orders it on December 21st could receive it by December 23rd. I visited my Amazon account page to take a photo of the item and e-mail it to my husband. He was heading over to Ogdensburg, NY in the US. I thought they might have this doll there. I was shocked to see them advertising that it wasn't too late to get the doll in time for Christmas. Apparently, you would order it on December 21st and receive it by December 23rd.
So, I would not be surprised if this was the last year that both our daughters believe in Santa. Thank you Amazon for creating all this stress and doing nothing about it. You have messed up our last year of magic. If any of you have suggestions on how to keep them believing despite the lack of gifts, I would love to hear them.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday 20 December 2016
What Should I Do If I Want To Kill Myself? or How Not To Die This Christmas.
December 20th, 2016
My husband is now officially off for the holidays. I spent all of yesterday cleaning up various parts of the house and by the end of the day I had to go to bad at 6:30pm from the exhaustion. It feels like I have been de-cluttering and cleaning for months.
Today, as I was cleaning the refrigerator, a thought kept popping into my mind. Somewhere out there, someone is feeling discouraged and hopeless. Someone will commit suicide before the end of 2016. The statistics on suicide are staggering. It makes me sad and frightens me all at once. I am sad that so many people feel alone and helpless. I feel sad for parents who have lost their son or daughter in such a senseless way. It frightens me because I have two daughters. What if this happens to me? I can't imagine I would survive. One thing is for sure, I would never be the same. Which brings me back to the topic of this post.
If you want to kill yourself and you are reading this, please give me a moment. I know you are in pain. You can't imagine that anyone would care if you were gone. Consider this. Your thoughts are not helping you right now. You feel an urgent need, a desperation to end the pain. However, if you end it all right now, there will never be a better moment. This is as good as your life will ever get. I have met many people who once considered suicide. They are now in a much better place and so grateful that they did not go through with it. Things can only get better if you hang on long enough.
As for the people you leave behind, they will be in pain, riddled with questions, racked with guilt. They will go on with the hole that your death has left in their heart, wondering why you didn't talk to them about how you were feeling. They will be haunted by your absence. Your pain will never go away, it will just be passed on to the people who survive.
So, what can you do about your pain? Reach out to people, those you know, or just compassionate strangers. Go somewhere where you can be surrounded by people. Seek out the company of friends or just head over to a sports game or a movie and see if you can bump into people you know. Sit with your pain. Pain comes in waves. If you choose to ride the wave, know that it will end. When it does, you will have options. Killing yourself leaves no choices.
If you feel nothing but self-loathing, try treating yourself as you would a stranger who is suffering. Be kind and gentle, taking care of your needs (feeding, bathing, sleeping, hugging, calling on others for help). If you can't tell people how you feel because you fear that you will cry and "lose it", write a letter about your pain and share it with someone you trust.
Are you feeling helpless? That means you can't see your power to make your life any better. You may be right. You may not be in a place where you can make the right decisions for yourself. That is why you ask for help. If nothing else, you have the power to choose life, to live on another day and open yourself up to the possibility that life will get better, not just because you stayed alive but because you faced your pain and survived, because you reached out to a friend or stranger and they helped you, because a therapist or health worker shifted your perspective just enough to give you hope.
If you think no one will mourn you, imagine that I tell you I want to die. You don't know me. However, you will be moved by my desperation and you will want me to live because my story isn't finished, there is another chapter right around the corner. I just can't see that right now. Strangers and acquaintances will be hurt by your death. Your family is more than just parents and siblings. Think about your aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces and nephews, all the people whose lives are connected to yours. If you have children, know that your children will always blame themselves. They won't understand. Their lives will be traumatized. Get yourself some support so you can be around to watch them grow and blossom.
Whatever pain you are going through right now will pass. It is temporary. Death is permanent. If you have read this and have a plan in mind to end your life, please dial 911 and ask for help. Once the crisis has passed and you can see your life as filled with possibilities, please write to me and let me know you have faced your wave of pain and come out the other side. I will be happy to hear from you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
My husband is now officially off for the holidays. I spent all of yesterday cleaning up various parts of the house and by the end of the day I had to go to bad at 6:30pm from the exhaustion. It feels like I have been de-cluttering and cleaning for months.
Today, as I was cleaning the refrigerator, a thought kept popping into my mind. Somewhere out there, someone is feeling discouraged and hopeless. Someone will commit suicide before the end of 2016. The statistics on suicide are staggering. It makes me sad and frightens me all at once. I am sad that so many people feel alone and helpless. I feel sad for parents who have lost their son or daughter in such a senseless way. It frightens me because I have two daughters. What if this happens to me? I can't imagine I would survive. One thing is for sure, I would never be the same. Which brings me back to the topic of this post.
If you want to kill yourself and you are reading this, please give me a moment. I know you are in pain. You can't imagine that anyone would care if you were gone. Consider this. Your thoughts are not helping you right now. You feel an urgent need, a desperation to end the pain. However, if you end it all right now, there will never be a better moment. This is as good as your life will ever get. I have met many people who once considered suicide. They are now in a much better place and so grateful that they did not go through with it. Things can only get better if you hang on long enough.
As for the people you leave behind, they will be in pain, riddled with questions, racked with guilt. They will go on with the hole that your death has left in their heart, wondering why you didn't talk to them about how you were feeling. They will be haunted by your absence. Your pain will never go away, it will just be passed on to the people who survive.
So, what can you do about your pain? Reach out to people, those you know, or just compassionate strangers. Go somewhere where you can be surrounded by people. Seek out the company of friends or just head over to a sports game or a movie and see if you can bump into people you know. Sit with your pain. Pain comes in waves. If you choose to ride the wave, know that it will end. When it does, you will have options. Killing yourself leaves no choices.
If you feel nothing but self-loathing, try treating yourself as you would a stranger who is suffering. Be kind and gentle, taking care of your needs (feeding, bathing, sleeping, hugging, calling on others for help). If you can't tell people how you feel because you fear that you will cry and "lose it", write a letter about your pain and share it with someone you trust.
Are you feeling helpless? That means you can't see your power to make your life any better. You may be right. You may not be in a place where you can make the right decisions for yourself. That is why you ask for help. If nothing else, you have the power to choose life, to live on another day and open yourself up to the possibility that life will get better, not just because you stayed alive but because you faced your pain and survived, because you reached out to a friend or stranger and they helped you, because a therapist or health worker shifted your perspective just enough to give you hope.
If you think no one will mourn you, imagine that I tell you I want to die. You don't know me. However, you will be moved by my desperation and you will want me to live because my story isn't finished, there is another chapter right around the corner. I just can't see that right now. Strangers and acquaintances will be hurt by your death. Your family is more than just parents and siblings. Think about your aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces and nephews, all the people whose lives are connected to yours. If you have children, know that your children will always blame themselves. They won't understand. Their lives will be traumatized. Get yourself some support so you can be around to watch them grow and blossom.
Whatever pain you are going through right now will pass. It is temporary. Death is permanent. If you have read this and have a plan in mind to end your life, please dial 911 and ask for help. Once the crisis has passed and you can see your life as filled with possibilities, please write to me and let me know you have faced your wave of pain and come out the other side. I will be happy to hear from you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday 16 December 2016
The Therapeutic Effect of De-cluttering
December 16th, 2016
Today was one of those days. You know the ones? You have an ambitious to-do list and you toss and turn all night going over what you want to accomplish, trying to figure out how to proceed. Where do I start? That was me this morning. I looked at my list, turned on the music and got busy. Among the items on my list were de-cluttering and re-organizing furniture.
My mother-in-law will be visiting for ten days over Christmas. I now have one visit under my belt therefore I know what to expect, we have met and connected in the summer so it's less stressful in that way this time. However, it's winter and Christmas therefore I need to prepare for her visit differently. Our bedroom is quite cold and I don't want her to freeze during her visit as she will be sleeping in our room. The contractors came to finish sealing up our new windows today so that is one less concern. I have been cranking up the heat at the girls' bath time to see how cozy the room can get.
Last time, the girls spent most of their time playing in my eldest daughter's room. They were excited to meet their grandma but she didn't spend a great deal of time getting to know them. Every time they sat near her, they listened to adult conversations and felt excluded. By the time she left, they did not feel that they had gotten to know her. They were sad that they hadn't bonded. I have moved our dining room table to the kitchen where it once was, when the children were little. In the old dining room, I have set up a play room. This is how the house was set up for years when the girls were little. They loved it and it was a great way to keep an eye on them while I cooked. I am hoping that they will have more opportunities to interact with their grandma if they are playing on the main floor where we are.
Christmas is a big thing in our home. We spend our time hanging out in our pyjamas. We eat, read, play, watch movies and eat again. We talk and laugh, light sparklers and pull crackers. We all love this time of the year. That is one of the reasons I am a bit nervous. I hope Christmas will be just as awesome this year. When my mother-in-law visited in the summer, my husband struggled with the gap between his expectations and the reality of his relationship with his mother. He rode a roller coaster of anxiety, anger, guilt and sadness. He and his mother bickered at times. I was taken aback by their interaction because I knew he really wanted her to be there. He spent a great deal of time leaving the house for errands and I spent more time with my mother-in-law than he did. I didn't mind it because she is easy to get along with however, my daughters felt neglected. I wasn't playing with them or talking to them as much and they resented it. Now, we are heading into this special holiday and I want to make my mother-in-law feel welcome while still making time to create memories with the girls.
Ever since the girls have arrived from school, they have been playing in their new toy room on the main floor. We ate at the dining table in the kitchen. It all feels like before, when they were little and it brings back fond memories. I feel a shift in the energy in the house. It feels good. I am thrilled with what I got done today. It was just that kind of day, I was on a roll. I am one step closer to having our home ready for a special guest. My hope for the holidays is that my husband will treat this visit as a gift, an opportunity to spend a peaceful Christmas surrounded by the women and girls who love him: his mother, my mother, our daughters and, of course, his wife.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today was one of those days. You know the ones? You have an ambitious to-do list and you toss and turn all night going over what you want to accomplish, trying to figure out how to proceed. Where do I start? That was me this morning. I looked at my list, turned on the music and got busy. Among the items on my list were de-cluttering and re-organizing furniture.
My mother-in-law will be visiting for ten days over Christmas. I now have one visit under my belt therefore I know what to expect, we have met and connected in the summer so it's less stressful in that way this time. However, it's winter and Christmas therefore I need to prepare for her visit differently. Our bedroom is quite cold and I don't want her to freeze during her visit as she will be sleeping in our room. The contractors came to finish sealing up our new windows today so that is one less concern. I have been cranking up the heat at the girls' bath time to see how cozy the room can get.
Last time, the girls spent most of their time playing in my eldest daughter's room. They were excited to meet their grandma but she didn't spend a great deal of time getting to know them. Every time they sat near her, they listened to adult conversations and felt excluded. By the time she left, they did not feel that they had gotten to know her. They were sad that they hadn't bonded. I have moved our dining room table to the kitchen where it once was, when the children were little. In the old dining room, I have set up a play room. This is how the house was set up for years when the girls were little. They loved it and it was a great way to keep an eye on them while I cooked. I am hoping that they will have more opportunities to interact with their grandma if they are playing on the main floor where we are.
Christmas is a big thing in our home. We spend our time hanging out in our pyjamas. We eat, read, play, watch movies and eat again. We talk and laugh, light sparklers and pull crackers. We all love this time of the year. That is one of the reasons I am a bit nervous. I hope Christmas will be just as awesome this year. When my mother-in-law visited in the summer, my husband struggled with the gap between his expectations and the reality of his relationship with his mother. He rode a roller coaster of anxiety, anger, guilt and sadness. He and his mother bickered at times. I was taken aback by their interaction because I knew he really wanted her to be there. He spent a great deal of time leaving the house for errands and I spent more time with my mother-in-law than he did. I didn't mind it because she is easy to get along with however, my daughters felt neglected. I wasn't playing with them or talking to them as much and they resented it. Now, we are heading into this special holiday and I want to make my mother-in-law feel welcome while still making time to create memories with the girls.
Ever since the girls have arrived from school, they have been playing in their new toy room on the main floor. We ate at the dining table in the kitchen. It all feels like before, when they were little and it brings back fond memories. I feel a shift in the energy in the house. It feels good. I am thrilled with what I got done today. It was just that kind of day, I was on a roll. I am one step closer to having our home ready for a special guest. My hope for the holidays is that my husband will treat this visit as a gift, an opportunity to spend a peaceful Christmas surrounded by the women and girls who love him: his mother, my mother, our daughters and, of course, his wife.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday 15 December 2016
It Takes A Village-Where Have All the Sitters Gone?
December 15th, 2016
I was working as my husband's assistant yesterday. Once again, I enjoyed it. The day goes by so quickly, you meet interesting people, you hear about their stories and watch them get an impressive makeover. I think there should be a series about a hairstylist and his family featuring all the regular clients. There would be no end to the material this could cover.
I have been very frustrated lately by the lack of babysitters in our area. As a couple with young children, you need to get out and have an adult conversation on a regular basis. You also want to interact in a romantic way, dressing up, having some bubbly and flirting like you used to. Being a parent is rewarding but you need support and I do not feel that there are adequate supports out there. In some cultures, the mothers have large families and their sisters, mothers, aunts form a huge support system. When you only have one parent or no siblings and you don't live in a culture that promotes the support of parents, it's easy to forget that you exist outside of this role. It can be challenging to stay connected and sexually active with your spouse.
In the absence of support from a family system, modern couples are forced to depend on strangers to watch over their little ones while they get out for some adult time. We were so lucky to have the same babysitter for years. She lived up the road, we knew her mother and she was great with our children. Our daughters loved her and always looked forward to her visits. Her mother was an elementary school teacher. She would often send some craft materials for our children to explore with her daughter. In short, those years were blissful.
Then, she grew up, got a real job and we set off on our search for a new sitter. The girls were heartbroken but when they met a friend of their old babysitter, they were hooked. She was very outgoing and affectionate and the girls were so excited. However, she decided that she could only babysit once a month due to her other job and school and her tutor. We try to get out for supper every week. She recommended her friend. We met with her, the girls saw her long, beautiful hair and were hopeful. They love doing each other's hair and nails. She came over to babysit once or twice but she wasn't available on a few occasions and didn't let me know. She also cancelled at the last minute and asked me to drive her 30 minutes away to a party on another night. This all happened in a six week period. As much as the girls loved her, we needed someone more reliable.
I learned that there was a local network of babysitters on Facebook. I signed up and e-mailed a bunch of them. Some had moved away or were just available in the summer months, most were not willing to come on a weekly basis. Teens whose parents are divorced are often only available when they are with one of their parents, the one who lives in our neighbourhood. We seem to be stuck between two age groups. The older sitters have their own cars but they are busy with part-time jobs or social engagements therefore they are more interested in occasional sitting. The younger sitters will grow with our girls. They are more available but it takes forever to meet them because they have to figure out a time that one of their parents can come with them to check you out. If they don't live close by, you may have a 25 minute drive after each date night. We are waiting to meet with a 14 year old potential babysitter and her mother. Will she be the one? I hope so, we are exhausted and the poor girls have been disappointed over and over again.
As I looked at the Babysitter Facebook page, I noticed just how many families have requested help for one day a week or one segment of each weekday. I said to my husband, if I didn't have my own children, I would just create a calendar with the information from all these families and make a business of it. You could make a killing, there are so many families in need. We only need to go out for two-three hours every Saturday night and we pay well. It shouldn't be that difficult to find someone. We have two well-behaved, adorable girls who are so easy to watch. I can't imagine how hard it must be for parents with younger children or a child with special needs.
If you are a teenager or the parent of a teenager, there is a need for decent babysitters. Couples like us are looking for you, to be part of our village, to make us stronger as a couple and a family thanks to a more balanced life which includes down time and romance.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I was working as my husband's assistant yesterday. Once again, I enjoyed it. The day goes by so quickly, you meet interesting people, you hear about their stories and watch them get an impressive makeover. I think there should be a series about a hairstylist and his family featuring all the regular clients. There would be no end to the material this could cover.
I have been very frustrated lately by the lack of babysitters in our area. As a couple with young children, you need to get out and have an adult conversation on a regular basis. You also want to interact in a romantic way, dressing up, having some bubbly and flirting like you used to. Being a parent is rewarding but you need support and I do not feel that there are adequate supports out there. In some cultures, the mothers have large families and their sisters, mothers, aunts form a huge support system. When you only have one parent or no siblings and you don't live in a culture that promotes the support of parents, it's easy to forget that you exist outside of this role. It can be challenging to stay connected and sexually active with your spouse.
In the absence of support from a family system, modern couples are forced to depend on strangers to watch over their little ones while they get out for some adult time. We were so lucky to have the same babysitter for years. She lived up the road, we knew her mother and she was great with our children. Our daughters loved her and always looked forward to her visits. Her mother was an elementary school teacher. She would often send some craft materials for our children to explore with her daughter. In short, those years were blissful.
Then, she grew up, got a real job and we set off on our search for a new sitter. The girls were heartbroken but when they met a friend of their old babysitter, they were hooked. She was very outgoing and affectionate and the girls were so excited. However, she decided that she could only babysit once a month due to her other job and school and her tutor. We try to get out for supper every week. She recommended her friend. We met with her, the girls saw her long, beautiful hair and were hopeful. They love doing each other's hair and nails. She came over to babysit once or twice but she wasn't available on a few occasions and didn't let me know. She also cancelled at the last minute and asked me to drive her 30 minutes away to a party on another night. This all happened in a six week period. As much as the girls loved her, we needed someone more reliable.
I learned that there was a local network of babysitters on Facebook. I signed up and e-mailed a bunch of them. Some had moved away or were just available in the summer months, most were not willing to come on a weekly basis. Teens whose parents are divorced are often only available when they are with one of their parents, the one who lives in our neighbourhood. We seem to be stuck between two age groups. The older sitters have their own cars but they are busy with part-time jobs or social engagements therefore they are more interested in occasional sitting. The younger sitters will grow with our girls. They are more available but it takes forever to meet them because they have to figure out a time that one of their parents can come with them to check you out. If they don't live close by, you may have a 25 minute drive after each date night. We are waiting to meet with a 14 year old potential babysitter and her mother. Will she be the one? I hope so, we are exhausted and the poor girls have been disappointed over and over again.
As I looked at the Babysitter Facebook page, I noticed just how many families have requested help for one day a week or one segment of each weekday. I said to my husband, if I didn't have my own children, I would just create a calendar with the information from all these families and make a business of it. You could make a killing, there are so many families in need. We only need to go out for two-three hours every Saturday night and we pay well. It shouldn't be that difficult to find someone. We have two well-behaved, adorable girls who are so easy to watch. I can't imagine how hard it must be for parents with younger children or a child with special needs.
If you are a teenager or the parent of a teenager, there is a need for decent babysitters. Couples like us are looking for you, to be part of our village, to make us stronger as a couple and a family thanks to a more balanced life which includes down time and romance.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday 13 December 2016
The Holiday Blues
December 13th, 2016
Last week, I wrote about how shopping for loved ones puts me in the Christmas spirit. There was a snow day yesterday and we had a great time snuggling together, sipping soup and enjoying our day.
Today, I want to explore the flip side of this experience. There are many people who dread this season. Do you know someone who has lost a loved one? The first everything is very challenging. This season is full of traditions, routines and memories. When someone has passed on, it can change everything. Who will host Christmas dinner? Who will be invited? Who gets the decorations? It is normal to not want to decorate or celebrate without your loved one. It can be helpful to include them in the new traditions (e.g. leave a chair at the table for the loved one, have a photo displayed on the mantle, a new Christmas decoration for the tree or partaking in an activity that that person always enjoyed as a way of bringing them into the celebrations).
There are people for whom family reunions are painful. They may not feel emotionally or physically safe. What if your memories of Christmas with family include alcoholism, verbal and physical violence or sexual abuse? How can Christmas ever feel like a festive holiday season with such negative associations? Luckily, many individuals go on to have their own families and begin new traditions.
What about all the lonely people who feel excluded from the good cheer and gatherings? This can include newly divorced, recently immigrated, homeless, recovering addicts and alcoholics as well as a host of older adults in long term care facilities (just to name a few). When everything is closed for the holidays and you have no loved ones to celebrate with, this holiday season can feel quite lonely and depressing.
When I worked as a college professor, there were students excited to head home for the holiday, looking forward to good food and warm hugs. However, some students stayed behind. They spent the holidays on campus, in residence.
Hospitals and long term care facilities are the saddest places over the holidays. I remember carolling with staff and seeing residents cry or go in their bedrooms and close the door. It was just too sad. Again, a few would go home for the weekend with family but many were left behind. Some families dropped off gifts at the main desk but never went to visit their parent.
So, what can you do if you are alone or sad among a crowd of people during the holidays?
1-Write out the story that you are telling yourself about being alone over Christmas.
2-What are the beliefs supporting this story?
3-What would you tell someone else who was going through this experience?
4-How can you support yourself through this time?
5-Who could be your allies? Do you know anyone else who will be alone over the holidays or who is going through a similar situation? Collect like-minded people and make plans with them.
6-Create a list of what gives you pleasure and see how many of these activities you can fit into your holiday.
7-Be gentle and kind to yourself.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Last week, I wrote about how shopping for loved ones puts me in the Christmas spirit. There was a snow day yesterday and we had a great time snuggling together, sipping soup and enjoying our day.
Today, I want to explore the flip side of this experience. There are many people who dread this season. Do you know someone who has lost a loved one? The first everything is very challenging. This season is full of traditions, routines and memories. When someone has passed on, it can change everything. Who will host Christmas dinner? Who will be invited? Who gets the decorations? It is normal to not want to decorate or celebrate without your loved one. It can be helpful to include them in the new traditions (e.g. leave a chair at the table for the loved one, have a photo displayed on the mantle, a new Christmas decoration for the tree or partaking in an activity that that person always enjoyed as a way of bringing them into the celebrations).
There are people for whom family reunions are painful. They may not feel emotionally or physically safe. What if your memories of Christmas with family include alcoholism, verbal and physical violence or sexual abuse? How can Christmas ever feel like a festive holiday season with such negative associations? Luckily, many individuals go on to have their own families and begin new traditions.
What about all the lonely people who feel excluded from the good cheer and gatherings? This can include newly divorced, recently immigrated, homeless, recovering addicts and alcoholics as well as a host of older adults in long term care facilities (just to name a few). When everything is closed for the holidays and you have no loved ones to celebrate with, this holiday season can feel quite lonely and depressing.
When I worked as a college professor, there were students excited to head home for the holiday, looking forward to good food and warm hugs. However, some students stayed behind. They spent the holidays on campus, in residence.
Hospitals and long term care facilities are the saddest places over the holidays. I remember carolling with staff and seeing residents cry or go in their bedrooms and close the door. It was just too sad. Again, a few would go home for the weekend with family but many were left behind. Some families dropped off gifts at the main desk but never went to visit their parent.
So, what can you do if you are alone or sad among a crowd of people during the holidays?
1-Write out the story that you are telling yourself about being alone over Christmas.
2-What are the beliefs supporting this story?
3-What would you tell someone else who was going through this experience?
4-How can you support yourself through this time?
5-Who could be your allies? Do you know anyone else who will be alone over the holidays or who is going through a similar situation? Collect like-minded people and make plans with them.
6-Create a list of what gives you pleasure and see how many of these activities you can fit into your holiday.
7-Be gentle and kind to yourself.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday 9 December 2016
Christmas Spirit
December 9th, 2016
Christmas is fast approaching, there are clues everywhere from the music blasted over the shopping mall speakers, the parcels piled up a the post office, the grumpy, rushed people pushing through the crowds, two-fisting their bags of gifts (which they can't afford) and the decorations on the homes and store fronts.
Before I had children, I hated the commercial garbage that came with this holiday. Seeing the Christmas decorations next to the Halloween costumes in October or being bombarded with gift ideas at each commercial break in early November, it all seemed in such poor taste.
I always had a good time at Christmas. When I was younger, my mother and I would head over to my aunt and uncle's house for Christmas Eve where we would celebrate my uncle's birthday until midnight. Then, we would dole out Christmas gifts after midnight. We would eat and have dessert all over again in the wee hours of Christmas morning. Then we would sleep until it was time to go to my grandparents' home for Christmas. We would see all the cousins and their growing families. I didn't see many of them the rest of the year but we would catch up at my grandparents' home. My mother and I never had much money and my aunt, uncle and cousins would always buy us gifts even though they knew we couldn't buy them anything. It felt so good the first year I was able to surprise everyone with a gift. I was working full-time and able to splurge. It was the best!
When I married and had children of my own, we started new traditions. We stay in our pyjamas and lounge around the house, all cozy. The girls play with their new toys, my mother, husband and I linger over coffee and read from our new books. It is mellower but oh so cozy. I still call my aunt and uncle, they live in Aylmer and I in Kemptville so we generally don't see each other but it wouldn't be Christmas without talking to them. My cousins are at their house so I talk to them too.
We decorated the tree as a family last weekend. I enjoyed it, the girls are still young enough to be excited about Santa and the pretty tree. Each year I wonder if this is our last "magical" Christmas. It's not the same when they stop believing. I know the holidays are not about gifts and spending money but, I always get into the spirit when I start shopping. I am just so excited when I find the perfect gift, something my loved ones will love but would never buy for themselves.
Today was the best. I have already bought a gift for each of my daughters. Santa's gifts are on the way. My mother wasn't able to find anything in her many excursions out to the stores. She gets confused by the names of various dolls from multiple kids' shows. I told her I would get something on her behalf today. I drove out into the sunlight , my favourite music blaring and, found some perfect gifts. The girls will love them and my mom will be happy to have caused so much joy. Then, I visited a store and purchased some awesome gifts for my husband. I just know his face will light up when he sees them (no pressure or anything).
I am not a materialistic person and we only buy the girls a few gifts each. I think it's my inner child that is making up for lost time. Growing up, I would have these awesome ideas what to buy for people. I paid attention to what they liked and knew that my gift ideas would make them so happy. I just couldn't buy those things; for my mom, for aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and boyfriends. It feels so good to be able to buy something special for my loved ones now. It truly puts me in the Christmas spirit, not the commercial aspect of it but the spirit of giving, of thinking of others and creating special moments.
We have the cozy home, the fireplaces, the food, the people we love and the fun traditions. The gifts are just the cherry on top. Merry Christmas everyone!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Christmas is fast approaching, there are clues everywhere from the music blasted over the shopping mall speakers, the parcels piled up a the post office, the grumpy, rushed people pushing through the crowds, two-fisting their bags of gifts (which they can't afford) and the decorations on the homes and store fronts.
Before I had children, I hated the commercial garbage that came with this holiday. Seeing the Christmas decorations next to the Halloween costumes in October or being bombarded with gift ideas at each commercial break in early November, it all seemed in such poor taste.
I always had a good time at Christmas. When I was younger, my mother and I would head over to my aunt and uncle's house for Christmas Eve where we would celebrate my uncle's birthday until midnight. Then, we would dole out Christmas gifts after midnight. We would eat and have dessert all over again in the wee hours of Christmas morning. Then we would sleep until it was time to go to my grandparents' home for Christmas. We would see all the cousins and their growing families. I didn't see many of them the rest of the year but we would catch up at my grandparents' home. My mother and I never had much money and my aunt, uncle and cousins would always buy us gifts even though they knew we couldn't buy them anything. It felt so good the first year I was able to surprise everyone with a gift. I was working full-time and able to splurge. It was the best!
When I married and had children of my own, we started new traditions. We stay in our pyjamas and lounge around the house, all cozy. The girls play with their new toys, my mother, husband and I linger over coffee and read from our new books. It is mellower but oh so cozy. I still call my aunt and uncle, they live in Aylmer and I in Kemptville so we generally don't see each other but it wouldn't be Christmas without talking to them. My cousins are at their house so I talk to them too.
We decorated the tree as a family last weekend. I enjoyed it, the girls are still young enough to be excited about Santa and the pretty tree. Each year I wonder if this is our last "magical" Christmas. It's not the same when they stop believing. I know the holidays are not about gifts and spending money but, I always get into the spirit when I start shopping. I am just so excited when I find the perfect gift, something my loved ones will love but would never buy for themselves.
Today was the best. I have already bought a gift for each of my daughters. Santa's gifts are on the way. My mother wasn't able to find anything in her many excursions out to the stores. She gets confused by the names of various dolls from multiple kids' shows. I told her I would get something on her behalf today. I drove out into the sunlight , my favourite music blaring and, found some perfect gifts. The girls will love them and my mom will be happy to have caused so much joy. Then, I visited a store and purchased some awesome gifts for my husband. I just know his face will light up when he sees them (no pressure or anything).
I am not a materialistic person and we only buy the girls a few gifts each. I think it's my inner child that is making up for lost time. Growing up, I would have these awesome ideas what to buy for people. I paid attention to what they liked and knew that my gift ideas would make them so happy. I just couldn't buy those things; for my mom, for aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and boyfriends. It feels so good to be able to buy something special for my loved ones now. It truly puts me in the Christmas spirit, not the commercial aspect of it but the spirit of giving, of thinking of others and creating special moments.
We have the cozy home, the fireplaces, the food, the people we love and the fun traditions. The gifts are just the cherry on top. Merry Christmas everyone!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday 8 December 2016
When Mama Needs a Break
December 8th, 2016
I have been reading, Leave Me, by Gayle Forman. This novel tells the story of a woman in her 40s who suffers a heart attack. She is in denial, pushing through her symptoms until her discomfort frightens her. Even after she is told that what she experienced is a heart attack, she refuses to believe it. It can’t be, she is too busy, can’t fit it into her schedule. This can’t be happening to her. This is all too common among women who put themselves last. They think they will go to the doctor’s when they have time but that time never comes.
She is sent home for some respite and finds that she is thrown back into the chaos of life with twin, over scheduled, school-aged children. She has always been the planner, the organizer, the responsible one. Her children, her husband and even her mother all depend on her for strength and leadership. When she realizes that her heart will never heal amidst the stress of her home life, she decides to run away.
I think we have all faced that desire to flee at some point in our journey as mothers. Most of the book describes the new life she develops in Pittsburg. I don’t read many novels but I truly enjoyed this one. As I interview moms for my own book, I hear many stories from overwhelmed moms who are struggling to balance their many responsibilities. Simply booking our interview appointments can be a challenge. I am only available on weekdays while my daughters are in school. I might insert a few interviews on Saturday when my mother comes to watch the children but I generally save that time for my girls. These moms may work during the day or only be available one day a week. Add to that the snow days, PD days, sick days (their children or mine) and you can see how this becomes a challenge.
On Monday, the school buses were not cancelled but I kept my daughters home. The roads did not look friendly to me. There were many accidents on the icy road. I felt grateful that I could be at home with my girls. Once upon a time when I worked as a college professor, I couldn’t have made that decision and, I would be on that icy road commuting to and from campus. I wasn’t able to blog on Monday. My daughters kept me busy.
On Tuesday, I was determined to get my post in before the end of the day. I went out for Christmas shopping with my husband in the morning. He had been shopping online as well. As we returned to the house, I sat at the computer and realized the battery was dead. I plugged it in and got more items off my to-do list. I checked on the computer and it still hadn’t charged. Apparently this is an issue with the latest MAC products. My husband needed the computer to confirm appointments. We checked different outlets and still couldn’t get it to charge. The girls would be home soon. I promised myself to post on the Wednesday, for sure. The computer was charging, finally so no problem.
On Wednesday, I checked that the computer was charged first thing in the morning. It was, oh joy! I took a shower and sat at the desk. My husband had reset the computer and downloaded upgrades in order to decrease the amount of time required to charge the battery. As a result, we had to log in to all our programs. He couldn’t check his order status on Amazon and I couldn’t blog because neither of us knew our passwords. When you go nearly a year of simply opening programs, you get out of the habit of typing your password. I knew I had written it down somewhere. If I could just remember where. Last night, I searched my phone and iPad’s notepads and I found it. So here I am, back on track.
What I’ve learned from other moms is how common it is for us to feel like failures because, even though we are constantly working on something, we don’t feel that we accomplish anything. We end up feeling like a mediocre mom, employee, wife, woman despite our best efforts to be the best mom, employee, wife and woman. There is comfort in the realization that we are not alone, that we are humans and were not designed to be everything to everyone.
If you are a frazzled mom, reading this and nodding knowingly, take a moment today to do something for yourself. Self-care is how you survive and no it’s not selfish, you can’t be your best when you’re running on empty. Here are some ideas based on my own preferences. If you don’t like my list, please create your own.
1-Stop in your favourite coffee shop and get your favourite treat (green tea latte, americano, peanut butter cookie etc).
2-Borrow a book from the library that you can read before bed or at lunch time. If you’re not sure what to read, ask about the library staff’s favourite picks.
3-Soak in a bubble bath with candles and music
4-Sort through your CDs and select a few favourites to listen to on your way to work or just driving around
5-Go for a walk, not to go anywhere in particular, just to get some fresh air, bring the dog if you have one
6-Call someone you’d like to connect with even if you only have ten minutes
7-Pick up a prepared meal instead of making one from scratch and use the extra time to relax or spend quality time with loved ones
8-Prepare a facial with whatever you have in the house (avocado, egg whites, honey, mayonnaise?)
9-Dance around the house to your favourite music
10-Rent a movie or find one on Netflix that all of you could watch together as a family
Enjoy!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday 2 December 2016
A Sex Pill for Women or Foreplay?
December 2nd, 2016
I have been rummaging through magazines to find an article I read last week. We get these free magazines and, for whatever reason, I can't seem to find this article. The topic of the article was a new pill for women. It was compared to viagra for men. Instead of promising erections, this pill attempted to increase libido in women. Apparently, lots of women don't want to have sex. However, if we consider the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, I would think it's more about having good sex.
I read the statistics regarding the effectiveness of this drug. Not only did it not work on just less than 50% of the women but it wasn't a pill you pop on the day itself, you have to take it daily. Really? You take a pill every day so that on a given day you may feel like having sex with your partner?
Women's libido is connected to their associations with sexuality. Are they anticipating satisfaction or disappointment? Are they expecting to receive or only give? Does their partner desire them? Do they feel excited by their partner? Do they enjoy an intimate relationship? Will they take their time or rush through it in order to watch their favourite show?
Why don't we check out the cause of women's lack of libido? If you never feel in the mood, there could be an underlying physical cause such as a change in hormones, vaginal dryness or fatigue. However, if you fantasize about sex with other men, chances are you just need to work on igniting the passion in your relationship. How do you do that?
1-Are you pissed off or feeling neglected? Talk about it. Get it out in the open. Once the issue is resolved, you can partake in make-up sex.
2-Do you know what turns you on? If you haven't found your sweet spots and you avoid looking at or exploring your anatomy below the belt, a tour is long overdue. Use a mirror to look at your genitals. Experiment with different touches and see what turns you on. Are you clitoral or vaginal? Get yourself some toys if you'd like. Once you know what sets you off, you can share this information with your partner.
3-Stimulate your imagination. Sometimes, people get bored with each other. Have sex in different locations, at unusual times, role-play, pretend it's your first time, dress-up, read erotic poetry to each other or tell each other what you are about to do tin order o create anticipation. If you like food, include it in your ritual.
I firmly believe that most women don't need a pill to increase their libido. They need to be seduced, desired and followed by foreplay. Taking a pill to desire an act that is not enjoyable doesn't increase libido, just frustration.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I have been rummaging through magazines to find an article I read last week. We get these free magazines and, for whatever reason, I can't seem to find this article. The topic of the article was a new pill for women. It was compared to viagra for men. Instead of promising erections, this pill attempted to increase libido in women. Apparently, lots of women don't want to have sex. However, if we consider the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, I would think it's more about having good sex.
I read the statistics regarding the effectiveness of this drug. Not only did it not work on just less than 50% of the women but it wasn't a pill you pop on the day itself, you have to take it daily. Really? You take a pill every day so that on a given day you may feel like having sex with your partner?
Women's libido is connected to their associations with sexuality. Are they anticipating satisfaction or disappointment? Are they expecting to receive or only give? Does their partner desire them? Do they feel excited by their partner? Do they enjoy an intimate relationship? Will they take their time or rush through it in order to watch their favourite show?
Why don't we check out the cause of women's lack of libido? If you never feel in the mood, there could be an underlying physical cause such as a change in hormones, vaginal dryness or fatigue. However, if you fantasize about sex with other men, chances are you just need to work on igniting the passion in your relationship. How do you do that?
1-Are you pissed off or feeling neglected? Talk about it. Get it out in the open. Once the issue is resolved, you can partake in make-up sex.
2-Do you know what turns you on? If you haven't found your sweet spots and you avoid looking at or exploring your anatomy below the belt, a tour is long overdue. Use a mirror to look at your genitals. Experiment with different touches and see what turns you on. Are you clitoral or vaginal? Get yourself some toys if you'd like. Once you know what sets you off, you can share this information with your partner.
3-Stimulate your imagination. Sometimes, people get bored with each other. Have sex in different locations, at unusual times, role-play, pretend it's your first time, dress-up, read erotic poetry to each other or tell each other what you are about to do tin order o create anticipation. If you like food, include it in your ritual.
I firmly believe that most women don't need a pill to increase their libido. They need to be seduced, desired and followed by foreplay. Taking a pill to desire an act that is not enjoyable doesn't increase libido, just frustration.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday 1 December 2016
Am I a Writer Yet?
December 1st, 2016
In the early 2000s, I submitted a short story to a collaborative book published by Mimi Publishing. I wrote about my work with people diagnosed with dementia. I wanted to inspire the staff in long term care and loved ones of individuals with dementia to stimulate and appreciate the person within the illness. When Mimi Publishing was ready to start its second collaboration, I submitted a more personal story. This time, my aim was to write about my childhood in a less than ideal low income neighbourhood in order to reach out to at-risk teens. The message to my story was that you can't choose your lifestyle when you are a child but, as an adult, you can design your own life regardless of your beginnings. The lady who edited my text, focused on the biographical aspect of my story and, by the time it went to print, there wasn't much left of the motivational part of my story. I was disappointed and never really sold that book to anyone.
Years later, I interviewed older adults living in my neighbourhood and submitted their stories to the local paper. I enjoyed doing this and ended up being a reporter for some time, visiting local businesses and interesting individuals to document what they were doing and why it mattered to the people in our community.
I enjoyed writing. I was able to use my creativity and people wrote to me or spoke to me when we bumped into one another to say they loved reading what I wrote. I approached a friend and artist Meredith Luce and we collaborated on a deck of art therapy cards. These cards were meant to help ease women going through painful life transitions by suggesting art therapy directives they could do from home with cheap materials.
I started volunteering in my daughter's class. I wanted to design workshops that taught life skills such as friendship, stress management, healthy boundaries, constructive self-expression and self-care but I couldn't find a book about the healthy expression of anger or frustration. This led me down the self-publishing path and my first book was born. Have You Hugged Your Alien? was my tool to initiate conversations with elementary school children about the normalcy of their emotions.
I followed up with a second book dealing with sibling rivalry as children adjust to a younger sibling. The first book was popular with teachers, therapists and parents. The second book was used by parents and the workshops were mostly in libraries or after school programs.
Last January, after chatting with my friend Chris who is a writer, I expressed my desire to write more often but my confusion about how one goes about getting paid for their work. Chris has been my informal mentor since then, pointing out grant application deadline, writer's festivals and events as well as associations that support and promote the work of writers. I have learned a great deal from her. I figured if I wanted to feel like a writer, I needed to write every day. So, I started this blog and I have written on most weekdays since then. I also write in my journal.
This past weekend, I attended the Small Press Fair in Ottawa. I was really scared but I got registered and showed up anyways. Mandy from Classic Graphics had prepared a huge sign for me with a bio and a copy of the title page from each book as well as my logo on it. She did a great job, as usual. I found a table, under the gaze of the other writers who were already set up. I noticed they all had table cloths, really good quality ones. Oops! I scrambled back to my car and, luckily, I had a Dollar Store tablecloth in my truck, leftover from Wednesday's workshop. It would have to do. I finished setting up my table and acknowledged my neighbours, the ten sets of eyes sitting across from me. I felt like such a newbie. My sign was way too big. Everyone else was way more discreet. I felt like a nouveau riche surrounded by people who came from old money. "One of these things is not like the others". I stayed, I met interesting people, made excellent connections and now have one small press fair under my belt. It turns out that many of the people around my table were also new to this. Everyone was nice and supportive. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Now, I am writing a book for women, The Mommy Monologues. I am interviewing mothers from every walk of life. I have written a quarter of it already. I am humbled and moved by the tremendous stories of love and courage that these mothers are sharing with me. I used to be an art therapist who also liked to write. As time goes on, more people introduce me as a writer who is also an art therapist. I was thinking about this on the weekend. I felt like an imposter. I didn't study English literature, I'm never sure if my grammar and punctuation are acceptable, English isn't even my first language. I love to write and do it every day but I still feel like a liar when I say I'm a writer. I wondered what makes someone a writer. There are plenty of successful authors who did not have a background in English Literature. There is an equally impressive amount of people with an English degree who have yet to write anything. So, this leads me to my question: Am I a writer yet?
I feel like an art therapist who loves to write and does so to help people connect and heal. I proudly call myself an author because I have self-published books however, I still feel like a fraud if I call myself a writer. Perhaps this next book will be a game-changer for me. Who knows? For now, I am just enjoying the writing process, the therapeutic value in people telling their stories to someone who is hanging on their every word, the sense of hope and connection that women get from recognizing their story in someone else's narrative and, the pride I get for bringing these amazing women together in one book.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
In the early 2000s, I submitted a short story to a collaborative book published by Mimi Publishing. I wrote about my work with people diagnosed with dementia. I wanted to inspire the staff in long term care and loved ones of individuals with dementia to stimulate and appreciate the person within the illness. When Mimi Publishing was ready to start its second collaboration, I submitted a more personal story. This time, my aim was to write about my childhood in a less than ideal low income neighbourhood in order to reach out to at-risk teens. The message to my story was that you can't choose your lifestyle when you are a child but, as an adult, you can design your own life regardless of your beginnings. The lady who edited my text, focused on the biographical aspect of my story and, by the time it went to print, there wasn't much left of the motivational part of my story. I was disappointed and never really sold that book to anyone.
Years later, I interviewed older adults living in my neighbourhood and submitted their stories to the local paper. I enjoyed doing this and ended up being a reporter for some time, visiting local businesses and interesting individuals to document what they were doing and why it mattered to the people in our community.
I enjoyed writing. I was able to use my creativity and people wrote to me or spoke to me when we bumped into one another to say they loved reading what I wrote. I approached a friend and artist Meredith Luce and we collaborated on a deck of art therapy cards. These cards were meant to help ease women going through painful life transitions by suggesting art therapy directives they could do from home with cheap materials.
I started volunteering in my daughter's class. I wanted to design workshops that taught life skills such as friendship, stress management, healthy boundaries, constructive self-expression and self-care but I couldn't find a book about the healthy expression of anger or frustration. This led me down the self-publishing path and my first book was born. Have You Hugged Your Alien? was my tool to initiate conversations with elementary school children about the normalcy of their emotions.
I followed up with a second book dealing with sibling rivalry as children adjust to a younger sibling. The first book was popular with teachers, therapists and parents. The second book was used by parents and the workshops were mostly in libraries or after school programs.
Last January, after chatting with my friend Chris who is a writer, I expressed my desire to write more often but my confusion about how one goes about getting paid for their work. Chris has been my informal mentor since then, pointing out grant application deadline, writer's festivals and events as well as associations that support and promote the work of writers. I have learned a great deal from her. I figured if I wanted to feel like a writer, I needed to write every day. So, I started this blog and I have written on most weekdays since then. I also write in my journal.
This past weekend, I attended the Small Press Fair in Ottawa. I was really scared but I got registered and showed up anyways. Mandy from Classic Graphics had prepared a huge sign for me with a bio and a copy of the title page from each book as well as my logo on it. She did a great job, as usual. I found a table, under the gaze of the other writers who were already set up. I noticed they all had table cloths, really good quality ones. Oops! I scrambled back to my car and, luckily, I had a Dollar Store tablecloth in my truck, leftover from Wednesday's workshop. It would have to do. I finished setting up my table and acknowledged my neighbours, the ten sets of eyes sitting across from me. I felt like such a newbie. My sign was way too big. Everyone else was way more discreet. I felt like a nouveau riche surrounded by people who came from old money. "One of these things is not like the others". I stayed, I met interesting people, made excellent connections and now have one small press fair under my belt. It turns out that many of the people around my table were also new to this. Everyone was nice and supportive. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Now, I am writing a book for women, The Mommy Monologues. I am interviewing mothers from every walk of life. I have written a quarter of it already. I am humbled and moved by the tremendous stories of love and courage that these mothers are sharing with me. I used to be an art therapist who also liked to write. As time goes on, more people introduce me as a writer who is also an art therapist. I was thinking about this on the weekend. I felt like an imposter. I didn't study English literature, I'm never sure if my grammar and punctuation are acceptable, English isn't even my first language. I love to write and do it every day but I still feel like a liar when I say I'm a writer. I wondered what makes someone a writer. There are plenty of successful authors who did not have a background in English Literature. There is an equally impressive amount of people with an English degree who have yet to write anything. So, this leads me to my question: Am I a writer yet?
I feel like an art therapist who loves to write and does so to help people connect and heal. I proudly call myself an author because I have self-published books however, I still feel like a fraud if I call myself a writer. Perhaps this next book will be a game-changer for me. Who knows? For now, I am just enjoying the writing process, the therapeutic value in people telling their stories to someone who is hanging on their every word, the sense of hope and connection that women get from recognizing their story in someone else's narrative and, the pride I get for bringing these amazing women together in one book.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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