Am I a Writer Yet?

December 1st, 2016

In the early 2000s, I submitted a short story to a collaborative book published by Mimi Publishing. I wrote about my work with people diagnosed with dementia. I wanted to inspire the staff in long term care and loved ones of individuals with dementia to stimulate and appreciate the person within the illness. When Mimi Publishing was ready to start its second collaboration, I submitted a more personal story. This time, my aim was to write about my childhood in a less than ideal low income neighbourhood in order to reach out to at-risk teens. The message to my story was that you can't choose your lifestyle when you are a child but, as an adult, you can design your own life regardless of your beginnings. The lady who edited my text, focused on the biographical aspect of my story and, by the time it went to print, there wasn't much left of the motivational part of my story. I was disappointed and never really sold that book to anyone.

Years later, I interviewed older adults living in my neighbourhood and submitted their stories to the local paper. I enjoyed doing this and ended up being a reporter for some time, visiting local businesses and interesting individuals to document what they were doing and why it mattered to the people in our community.

I enjoyed writing. I was able to use my creativity and people wrote to me or spoke to me when we bumped into one another to say they loved reading what I wrote. I approached a friend and artist Meredith Luce and we collaborated on a deck of art therapy cards. These cards were meant to help ease women going through painful life transitions by suggesting art therapy directives they could do from home with cheap materials.

I started volunteering in my daughter's class. I wanted to design workshops that taught life skills such as friendship, stress management, healthy boundaries, constructive self-expression and self-care but I couldn't find a book about the healthy expression of anger or frustration. This led me down the self-publishing path and my first book was born. Have You Hugged Your Alien? was my tool to initiate conversations with elementary school children about the normalcy of their emotions.

I followed up with a second book dealing with sibling rivalry as children adjust to a younger sibling. The first book was popular with teachers, therapists and parents. The second book was used by parents and the workshops were mostly in libraries or after school programs.

Last January, after chatting with my friend Chris who is a writer, I expressed my desire to write more often but my confusion about how one goes about getting paid for their work. Chris has been my informal mentor since then, pointing out grant application deadline, writer's festivals and events as well as associations that support and promote the work of writers. I have learned a great deal from her. I figured if I wanted to feel like a writer, I needed to write every day. So, I started this blog and I have written on most weekdays since then. I also write in my journal.

This past weekend, I attended the Small Press Fair in Ottawa. I was really scared but I got registered  and showed up anyways. Mandy from Classic Graphics had prepared a huge sign for me with a bio and a copy of the title page from each book as well as my logo on it. She did a great job, as usual. I found a table, under the gaze of the other writers who were already set up. I noticed they all had table cloths, really good quality ones. Oops! I scrambled back to my car and, luckily, I had a Dollar Store tablecloth in my truck, leftover from Wednesday's workshop. It would have to do. I finished setting up my table and acknowledged my neighbours, the ten sets of eyes sitting across from me. I felt like such a newbie. My sign was way too big. Everyone else was way more discreet. I felt like a nouveau riche surrounded by people who came from old money. "One of these things is not like the others". I stayed, I met interesting people, made excellent connections and now have one small press fair under my belt. It turns out that many of the people around my table were also new to this. Everyone was nice and supportive. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Now, I am writing a book for women, The Mommy Monologues. I am interviewing mothers from every walk of life. I have written a quarter of it already. I am humbled and moved by the tremendous stories of love and courage that these mothers are sharing with me. I used to be an art therapist who also liked to write. As time goes on, more people introduce me as a writer who is also an art therapist.  I was thinking about this on the weekend. I felt like an imposter. I didn't study English literature, I'm never sure if my grammar and punctuation are acceptable, English isn't even my first language. I love to write and do it every day but I still feel like a liar when I say I'm a writer. I wondered what makes someone a writer. There are plenty of successful authors who did not have a background in English Literature. There is an equally impressive amount of people with an English degree who have yet to write anything. So, this leads me to my question: Am I a writer yet?

I feel like an art therapist who loves to write and does so to help people connect and heal. I proudly call myself an author because I have self-published books however, I still feel like a fraud if I call myself a writer. Perhaps this next book will be a game-changer for me. Who knows? For now, I am just enjoying the writing process, the therapeutic value in people telling their stories to someone who is hanging on their every word, the sense of hope and connection that women get from recognizing their story in someone else's narrative and, the pride I get for bringing these amazing women together in one book.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Divorce-Happily Ever After

November 29th, 2016

I can not believe how long it has been since I last posted on this blog. The past week has flown by with a combination of snow days, PD days and sick days. Today is the second snow day of the season but my children are happily playing upstairs. So, I am frantically attempting to write something before they realize I am being productive.

Last month, I read an article in Chatelaine about a woman who was describing how awesome her life was post-divorce. We get free copies of Chatelaine for some reason and I was thumbing through it at breakfast. I was shocked by the article. I know there are many relationships where the people are far better off when it's all over. However, I was struck by the tone of the article. It sounded like divorce was trendy, a lifestyle choice. The author boasted about sleeping in on weekends when the children were at their dad's house. She explained how great it was to have time for herself to take a bath and fold laundry at her own pace. She described how the children benefitted from each parent exposing them to different activities and interests. It sounded like a new ideal, the utopia of divorced couples.

My husband is a hairstylist. He hears about approximately two divorces per week. This is an alarming rate. He comes home after hearing the horror stories of court cases, money battles, children stuck in the middle and it really bothers him that these people are suffering. I hear from women in my work as a therapist. There is no party, only grief and disillusionment. Divorce is not the easy way out. It's not clean cut, straightforward or festive.

Just over a week after reading the article, I saw the movie, Bad Moms. I was really looking forward to it. I saw the trailer and laughed out loud. When we watched the entire movie however, I was surprised to encounter the same message as the article. The main character has a dead beat husband who cheats on her. She decides to kick him out. She spends her days partying with some new friends and driving her ex-husband's sports car. She also meets Mr Right immediately and had sex with him the day before she goes to marriage counselling with her husband. By the end of the movie, her ex and her are friendly, her kids are doing great, she is with the new hottie and has new friends. She has quit her job but it's ok because she's been promoted to a better job.

I want to be clear here that I am not anti-divorce. I know women struggle with the decision for years and often stay longer than they should to protect the children. I get that there are some relationships that have been so damaged by betrayal or abuse that they can never be fixed. What I object to is the glamorization of divorce. The concept that if your life or relationship sucks, you can just dump your husband and everything will fall into place. You will feel awesome and attract a new guy and live happily ever after.

The reality is that your life will be stressful, emotional and chaotic until you are done with the legal, financial aspect of your divorce. You will not feel like jumping into a new relationship. Your children will take their anger out on you even if they can clearly see that leaving your spouse was for the best. You will have to deal with all the issues that came up in your marriage, your fear of abandonment, your inability to trust, your need to control, whatever it is for you. If you jump into another relationship right away, you will only repeat the same painful patterns. Divorce, even when it's the right decision, is a painful transition and it takes time. Any article or movie that teaches you otherwise is misleading.

If you are thinking about leaving your spouse, ask yourself these questions:

1) If I was divorced, how would my life be different? What would I do that is different from my current life? Often, we imagine ourselves leading this exciting life as if our husbands were the only thing standing in our way. Can you implement any of these activities or behaviours in your life right now? You may be surprised by the impact this has on your relationship and your personal happiness.

2) What new behaviours or patterns would you initiate in your next relationship? Can you practice these new patterns in your current relationship? If you imagine yourself being sexually active in your next relationship but you are timid and reserved in this one, try experimenting with your current partner. Can you re-ignite your passion? Try role-playing.

3) Can you see any similarity between your parents' relationship and your own or, between your relationship with one of your parents and your current relationship with your spouse? If daddy always let you down, you may have learned to be self-sufficient. This could lead to shutting your spouse out of your life. Is there room for him? What would happen if you let him and asked him for help, support or affection? Are you willing to be vulnerable?

4) When was the last time you felt connected to your partner? Can you recall what attracted you to him? When did these feelings stop? Are they still there, somewhere? You may want to participate in activities you used to enjoy as a couple in those early days. How about a road trip without the kids? My husband and I love going to Montreal for an overnight.

5) Have you communicated with your husband? Many times, the truth comes out during the divorce process. None of the frustrations or complaints were addressed during the relationship. Then, the husband hears the truth from others or reads it on a court document. It may feel risky to open up a can of worms but it could help and is way less painful than getting divorced.

If you are getting divorced, here are some tips from my clients:

1) Don't make any huge plans or drastic changes right after the separation
2) Give yourself time to grieve
3) Your children are angry and they will act out but, over time, things will calm down, don't take their words personally, they will be loving again
4) Don't talk negatively to your children about their dad. This puts them in the middle and creates tension in them as they feel forced to choose between their parents (and lie to protect their feelings)
5) Surround yourself with positive, supportive people
6) Make self-care a priority
7) Keep your children's best interest at the centre of your interactions with your ex
8) Don't jump into a new relationship to avoid the pain
9) The pain and intensity of this experience will fade over time, it is temporary
10) Focus on moving on with your life and creating something positive rather than holding on to your feelings about your ex and punishing him (draining)

I hope this post has been useful.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

What Should We Teach Our Children?

November 18th, 2016

A few days ago, I saw a post on Facebook that truly inspired me. I have these fantasies about homeschooling my girls and traveling as a family. I love their school. They have awesome teachers. I have no problems with their experience at school. If they are going to attend school, KPS is my number one choice. However, both my girls beg me to stay home on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. Why? They are both introverts. They hate crowds and loud noises. They feel drained by the end of the day, not from the physical exertion but the strain of togetherness when what they really want is some quite time to draw, read, think and be.

Here is the quote that got me thinking:

"What if... instead of worrying about whether we should give kids gold stars for participating or gold stars for being the best, we involve kids in real world activities where the end result of the activity itself is the reward? Teach them gardening, woodworking, repair skills, fibre arts, sewing, cooking, get them out hiking somewhere with a gorgeous view. Raise animals and have them learn to care about something other than themselves. Have them help out a grandparent or elderly neighbour. Our society has lost sight of what's truly important in life. It's time to find it again". (Grow Food, Not Lawns).

I am convinced that our children would benefit from applying the knowledge they need to retain rather than trying to master information long enough to pass a test. What they learn in school is so abstract. When are they going to use long division? If they spend time in nature, learning about trees, plants, insects and animals, they will naturally feel more grounded and be inclined to protect the environment because they have a relationship with nature, they'll want to preserve it.

I have witnessed the detrimental effect of the school's health curriculum on preteens. We are so focused on avoiding child obesity that we are creating a generation of young girls who count calories and compare the size of their thighs, worrying that they will become obese. Why not teach them how to grow healthy food and eat fruits and veggies? There are no labels and packaging when you shop in your garden or greenhouse. How empowering would it be for children to learn how to prepare tasty, healthy food?

Math can be applied to every day situations from having a budget and shopping for food together, clipping coupons, comparing prices to find the best deal, paying bills, donating to charity and saving up for something special. Cooking and geometry go hand in hand. The same goes for woodworking. You can create many science experiments in your home with cheap materials like baking soda, dish soap and vinegar. Children's can pursue interests such as art, karate, gymnastics during the day rather than at the end of the day when they are exhausted.

What if we taught our children to be compassionate and gave them tools to succeed socially? Identifying and expressing emotions in a constructive way would be a start, coping with stress and anxiety, communicating with peers and adults in a positive way, learning to respect the boundaries of others while creating and enforcing their own. There is so much to learn in life and much of the important skills that make our children into good citizens are not taught. Why is that?

My friend Chris, who is from BC, told me about the elementary school she went to, an agricultural school where farming was included in the curriculum. That is genius! Is anyone else feeling that need to make education hands-on? I have the vision but I have no clue where to start. I'd love to hear some suggestions.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

A Dog Named Raiden

November 17th, 2016

It's been a hectic week. My daughters were sick so there were doctor's appointments and the girls were not in school which means I got nothing done. Then I got sick. I had to move my Mommy Monologues around and postpone a few art therapy appointments in order to not contaminate my clients. I was feeling exhausted and stressed then this happened...

A friend's dog went missing. A large Akita named Raiden. I saw a Facebook post. They didn't know where he was but I felt pretty confident he would turn up, he's a big dog. I got busy and life went on then I saw another post. He was still missing. I started thinking they may not find him. After I put the girls on the bus, I told my husband I would go for a walk and look for Raiden. I know the mom of that family, a sweet, local yoga instructor and, her daughter is in my daughter's class. They are a great family and, that kid is just the sweetest girl ever. It broke my heart that she might lose her dog.

As I walked around our property looking for Raiden, it felt like I was just one person trying to help out. However, once I left my property and walked around the neighbourhood, I heard a man calling out for the dog in a nearby wooded area. I assumed he must be the dad. My heart went out to him. Now, there were two of us looking for the dog. I saw a lady driving slowly in my direction. I wondered if she had spotted the dog. I saw her put something in a mailbox. I thought she was delivering a newspaper or flyers. I kept walking. As I approached her car, she asked me if I wanted a flyer. It had Raiden's photo on it. I explained that I was also looking for him and had a milk bone in my pocket, just in case. She confessed to also having a milk bone in her pocket. We laughed and I grabbed a few flyers.

She had already driven through the community I was heading into so I turned around and walked back toward my house, intending to get in the car and drive in the opposite direction. I saw a man walking a dog. It was a big dog. I wondered if that was the man who had been calling Raiden's name and, if that was Raiden on his leash. I walked faster. As I neared them, I saw that this was another dog. However, the man saw the poster in my hands and we talked about where he had been and where I was going to go so we could plan out our next move. I gave him a poster. He had walked all over his five acre property and had checked neighbouring fields and barns. People gave him permission to inspect their barns and property in case the dog was resting there. I felt so proud to live in this community. The lady in the van caught up to us and the man pointed out some more barns that might be good hiding spots. He also told her the construction workers on the next street should get a poster because they were there all day, every day of the week. We parted ways, he walked north, back to his home. The van lady headed west to deliver more flyers and speak with the construction workers and, I walked south to return to my home. Just as I was about to reach my home, I saw someone else I recognized. She was driving around, looking for Raiden. I gave her a poster.

My husband and I drove to a nearby community for lunch. We took a detour to look for the dog. We each checked out our side of the car. I gave the waitress a copy of the poster and asked her to put it up in case someone recognized the dog. She was very responsive and took the flyer immediately. This morning, as soon as I got up, I checked Facebook and saw photos of the reunion. I was so excited for them! They had been out looking for him at night and found him stuck in the mud. The vet made a house call and checked on him. He was tired but otherwise ok.

This experience warmed my heart. All we hear about right now is Donald Trump, racism, riots, the revival of the kkk and gloomy predictions regarding the future of the USA. However, my direct experience out here in my neck of the woods showed me what an awesome community I live in. Where strangers come together to look for a missing dog. Where people care about each other, worry for someone else's pet and cheer heartily when the family is reunited. I am so happy to be in this community. You rock, Kemptville!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Remembrance Day

November 9th, 2016

Last night, my eldest came into our bed. She's a tosser and turner so we didn't get a decent sleep. This morning started off with the news that Trump would become the next US President. I felt like I was going to throw up. I have been needing to renew my passport but I put it off because my husband and I like to go to Ogdensburg, New York every week. We get groceries at Price Chopper, cheap gas for the truck and eat a fabulous buffet lunch at Buster's. I won't be venturing over the border any time soon so, next week, I'll be renewing my passport.

Vin and I were also waiting until the election to book our holiday for next March. We were planning on a trip to the Florida Keys but we knew there was a chance that Trump would be in power, meaning there would be upheaval and potentially riots. I don't feel safe in the US under Trump's "leadership". We had explored other options; Mexico, Cuba, the Bahamas. We talked about booking our trip all week, we were going to do it today. However, we both had our hearts set on Florida and, as we looked over the properties in Mexico, as gorgeous as they seemed, we couldn't do it.

The parallels between Trump and Hitler are frightening. I wonder if we are about to witness WW3. My daughters are preparing for a Remembrance Day ceremony. A few nights ago, we were discussing the meaning of Remembrance Day. They see older men in uniform parading down the main street. They hear depressing music and long speeches about soldiers who fought for our freedom. They don't get it. I wish they had a grandfather to speak to, someone they know and love who has been through the war. So I talked to them about the boys in their class, the ones they like. I asked them to imagine that they are 19 years old, dating and that there is a war. I explained that, just like them, young women were in love and imagining a future with their boyfriends. Only, they were drafted, this means they received a letter stating that they had to go and be soldiers. These young boys were scared, they didn't want to go. They went far from their families, grouped with other young boys just as frightened as they were. They received training in combat and weaponry. Then, these young men were sent out to fight against other scared young boys from other countries. They had to protect themselves, shoot at other people otherwise they would be shot. Lots of these young men were killed or they saw others being killed. Some didn't come home, others returned but they were never the same. I wondered if I was traumatizing them by telling them all of this. However, I want them to understand that these older men were once young boys who did the unimaginable. They risked their lives to protect what we take for granted every day.

I took down the Halloween decorations and had an idea. We should all decorate our homes in honour of Remembrance Day. Red poppies all over the lawn, flags, messages on signs that say, Thank you for keeping us safe. Maybe if we had Remembrance Day decorations, people would resist the urge to bring out the Christmas decorations before Remembrance Day.

As we head into Trump's four year term, I am frightened, uncertain about the future of our neighbours in the US and worried about the impact of their election on our own peaceful nation. However, more than ever, I am grateful to the men and women who have served and still work hard to protect this amazing country of ours.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Thank You Gym Stars and Other Birthday Party Ideas

October 31st, 2016

My youngest daughter turned 8 on October 14th, 2016. We kept both daughters home from school on that day and celebrated as a family. On October 29th, we celebrated with friends at Gym Stars in Smiths Falls. This is where Stella's love of gymnastics began. She attended a friend's birthday party at Gym Stars two years ago and she was hooked.

She always has her birthday party at Gym Stars now and I am forever amazed at the transformations I see throughout the two hour period that we are together. Some of her friends have done gymnastics before. They are excited to participate in a specific activity whether it be hanging and swinging from the bars, walking on the beams, jumping on the trampoline, swinging from the Tarzan rope, showing off their splits on the main floor or vaulting into the air, landing on a big mattress.

There are usually a few new children who have never tried gymnastics. At first, they feel nervous and doubt that they will be able to catch up to the others. However, as they work their way through warm-ups and play fun games, they start to relax. Next, they go through a routine. They are introduced to equipment and guided through the movements safely by a coach. I love that Gym Stars has excellent coaches who always take the safety of their students into consideration.

My favourite part is watching the new kids as they move through the equipment. I take lots of photos and you can see their confidence growing. At first, they are blushing, hesitant, super cautious. By the end of a few rounds, they are beaming, asking me if I am getting a photo of them and, challenging themselves even further. They run to their parents as they come to pick them up. They tell them they had so much fun and they boast about all they have accomplished.

I am so pleased that my daughter chooses to celebrate her birthday at Gym Stars. I know everyone will have fun, it is cheaper than anything I could offer at home, the kids are really tired after so I know they will go to bed on time and sleep well, there is a party room so I can still serve pizza and cake, the instructors are amazing (we had Jenn this time and she was fabulous but, last year, Alisha was wonderful as well) and, I don't need to plan it or clean the house before and after the party. Hooray!!!

As parents, we put so much pressure on ourselves. We love our little ones and work hard to make their special day perfect. If they don't enjoy their party, we are disappointed. Some of us are better at planning parties. We hear about a mom who had a great craft or paid the big bucks to have a Disney character play with the kids. Another mom booked a hall and decorated it to create a special place like a castle. We are exhausted and we just don't want our party to suck. Parenthood has become a competitive sport in some ways. Children go to school after Christmas and compare what Santa got them. They lose a tooth and ask how much the others received from "their" tooth fairy. At one of my workshops, a little boy told me the tooth fairy gave him "fifty bucks" for losing a tooth. I was in shock. Being a parent is hard enough, some of these expectations are just over the top.

Having a place like Gym Stars makes the planning easy. You pick a date and time, send directions, have some food set up, order the cake, prep the goodie bags and then you sit back and enjoy! I would like to thank Jenn for doing such a great job. She started on time, connected with us as soon as we entered the gymnasium, was organized, explained the rules to the children and reinforced them to keep everyone safe and, she stayed a little longer so everyone could finish eating their cake.

If you wish to have a party at home and you don't know what to do, I would like to recommend a craft. In the years before we discovered gymnastics, I always had parties in my home. As soon as everyone had arrived, I would take them into the dining room and lead a craft. If you are thinking you can't do this because you are not crafty, there is great news, you don't need to be.

Step 1-What theme does your child like (princess, dragon, fairy, puppies, a sport)?
Step 2-Locate the closest Dollarama because you can buy cheap art materials there.
Step 3-Get a drop cloth at the Dollar Store (or clear table cloth) and set up the table.
Step 4-Give them a clear directive like they are going to create a princess hat or sculpt a dragon or build a fairy house etc)
Step 5-Have a variety of cheap art materials and non-art materials (tempera paints, stickers, markers, home-made play doh, empty boxes etc).
Step 6-Step back, watch them jump in and explore the materials.
Step 7-Stand by to help the children who need assistance.

Every time I introduce art, I run out of time to do other activities, they are so excited, it lasts longer than I expected. If you have a back yard, it's good to include some physical activity. A trampoline can use up another chunk of time. A soccer ball, football or skipping ropes can also be fun. Blowing bubbles outside can be enjoyable even in cold weather (the bubbles freeze). Young girls love to show off their gymnastics moves or teach each other new ones. If your children are older and can help out, you may want to create an obstacle course together, crawling under chairs, hoola hooping, relay racing, jumping over a bucket etc.

If it's too cold or wet to go outside, there is still plenty to do. When my daughters were younger, I would blow up balloons and have them try to keep the balloons off the ground. This would get the group giggling and, even if someone got hit in the face by a balloon, it didn't hurt. You can also get children involved in making their own food, decorating their pizza or creating a sundae. These are messy activities but the children have fun and it keeps them busy. Having a drop cloth on the table makes cleaning up much easier.

Last but not least, it's good to have some free time. The older they get, the more independent they want to be and just setting up board games or cutting them loose for a while works too. No matter what you do, chances are the children will have fun because they are together and they get to eat cake. They don't care how clean the house is or how much you spent on the cake. I used to clean my house and worry that my house looked messy, then I realized the parents rarely leave the front door. I put a whole lot less pressure on myself and I find that I have way more fun that way.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Turning Children into Consumers-One App at a Time

September 27th, 2016

If you have children between the ages of 6-12, chances are they play on technology some of the time. Even if you ban technology from your home, unless you are homeschooling them, they will be exposed to apps through school. They may use apps as rewards or as a teaching tool. Other children may be discussing how fun certain games are and, if you have a sleepover, at some point, there will be talk of technology. Someone always brings a phone or tablet resulting in tech play.

My daughters have been exposed to certain games over time. There is an app that uses monsters to teach phonics and spelling to children. There were Strawberry Shortcake games where you learned real recipes and My Little Pony games that taught math skills. This is great stuff, educational, good clean fun. However, after a sleepover, my daughters were wanting to download a new game, Talking Angela. The whole game was about deciding what she would wear then answering her questions as she sat at a cafe. Angela is a cat but she asks what you like to do, where you live, how many people are in your family and she shares stories then expects the children to speak about their lives as well.It freaked me out. I asked the girls how they knew who they were talking to and why they thought a cartoon cat would be asking these questions. I deleted that app.

Recently, I've noticed a new trend. A good friend of my daughter's introduced her to Hollywood Stories. In this game, attractive animated women get dressed up, go for auditions and put on shows. They can communicate with their friends and other people they have allowed into their circle. They all have fake names so it could be anyone. The goal is to shop and invite people to your premiere. The women speak to each other while striking a pose. In order to shop, you need to earn points and you do so by watching commercials. The kids know this so they click every time they see a pop-up ad for a commercial. They sit through it knowing they will get extra points to buy more stuff. Other people can go through your portfolio (the clothing you have purchased and looks you created), and vote on it. It is all very superficial. Initially, I thought Hollywood Stories was the only app that worked that way but it is quite common.

So, to recap, the goal of these games is to buy stuff. In order to buy stuff, you need to watch ads (you are paid to expose yourself to advertising). You are rewarded based on the opinion of others (external evaluation) and the amount of stuff you have. These games are training our children to consume and to base their value on what others think. That is alarming. Add to this the fact that some children are on technology for hours at a time and that far too many of them lack the amount of social interaction and connection they need to develop adequate social skills. If you have no real life connections and are bombarded by messages about your worth based on acquisition of stuff and status and we have a serious issue. I don't know what the long term consequences will be. My hope is that the pendulum swings back and children turn away from technology. A return to the outdoors and community connections is what I'd like to see. Only time will tell. For now, I am unplugging my children and making time to connect with them before it's too late.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Lice, Cockroaches and Other Critters

September 24th 2016

I don't usually write on Saturdays but I didn't post yesterday. I was driving into Ottawa to meet a lady who wanted to purchase my books. By the time I got home, it was time to prepare my daughters for their sleepover party. I thought I would write after dropping them off but my husband was done work early so we went out for cocktails and then watched a documentary. I woke up during the night and realized I had not posted. Oops! I realize it doesn't matter, few people even read this blog but I made a commitment to myself to write every weekday and I like to keep my promises even if they are only to myself.

As I mentioned, my daughters were going to a birthday sleepover party on the weekend. This used to be festive but, not anymore, at least not for me. You see, we had loads of play dates and sleepovers over the summer until one day, one of my eldest daughter's friends told her she had lice. Her mother had not warned me and I spent the next several days inspecting my daughters' heads and feeling itchy all over (psychosomatic). I thought we were safe until one morning, right after my husband had gone away for the weekend. I was talking to my eldest daughter and I saw movement in her hair. I freaked out, I shouldn't have but I did. I started inspecting her head and saw lice. I didn't know what they look like. They are thin and brown with little legs that wiggle and, they move fast. They feed on your blood so you find them close to the scalp. I was so grossed out! I proceeded to comb through her hair and remove everything I could see. She had three but there were eggs, little white balls close to the scalp. I panicked. I removed the bedding from all of our beds, stuffies and dolls. I wondered why my daughters have so many blankets on their beds. I vowed to downsize the blankets.

I checked my youngest daughter. She had tiny baby ones, only a few. The pharmacy was closed because it was a special day, can't recall what the holiday was but it wasn't open. I googled remedies and coated all of our hair with a mix of 1/4 cup of olive oil and 20 drops of tea tree oil. I put shower caps on our heads to really intensify the scent and strength of the oil and smother them. My youngest who loves nature loved the lice and wanted to keep them in a jar as a pet. I tried really hard not to roll my eyes and grimace. I explained that they couldn't survive without blood so they would just die. It took forever to get through the laundry because I had the washer set to sanitize and it takes nearly 2 hours for the machine to complete the cycle. As I inspected their he'd each day to ensure I hadn't missed anything, my daughters grew weary of this routine and it became a drag. By the time my husband returned from his trip, we were all lice free and I was exhausted. The next morning, he asked me to make him some eggs and I nearly struck him. He had just returned from a fantastic trip and was feeling energized. I was exhausted and miserable from the whole lice adventure. Needless to say, he made his own eggs that morning.

When the school semester started, my eldest mentioned that her friend had a bunch of white dots in her hair. Then she admitted that she had used her hair elastic because they were giving each other hairstyles. She told me this because her head had started to itch. I started checking their heads again, worried that we would have to start over, they were ok. Hooray! However, as the sleepover date approached, I felt less than enthusiastic about the possibility of contamination. It's not just careless fun anymore.

This morning, I saw a Facebook post about cockroaches in some schools in Ottawa. The post suggested parents search their children's back packs for cockroaches. What? One more critter to be wary of. I can't even imagine how disgusting it would feel to dig into their bags and have one in my hands. I am not one of those women who refuses to touch bugs or screams when she sees spiders. I was never germaphobe but I am a different person now. I notice when a child scratches her head or has white dots in her hair, I can't help it.

Here is what I now know that I didn't know before this experience:

1-Life will only survive as long as there is a blood supply to feed on
2-The chemicals kill the lice but not the eggs
3-Olive oil and tea tree destroys everything
4-You need a thin comb (a nit comb is suggested but I just used the thin end of a comb and it worked)
5-You don't need to sanitize everything, just put the linens and stuffed animals in a garbage bag and wait 48 hours, the lice will die, then you can clean in the wash as you would normally
6-You have to pull the eggs off the hair, they won't just fall off, they stick to the hair
7-Your kids need to stop sharing stuffed animals, headbands, elastics, hoodies, anything that could contaminate them and others
8-Have play dates, not sleepovers. You never know who has lice and doesn't know it yet, they can give it to everyone else. It is transmitted when kids share a bed, stuffie or bedding.

I hope my rant and tips can help a poor parent out there, going through this for the first time.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Back to School Jitters

September 5th, 2016

My daughters are partying today. They know that, as of tomorrow morning, their lives will change. Every day, we have the talk about homeschooling. "Why can't you just homeschool us?" they ask. Of course, in their minds, homeschooling would be just like summer holidays-the beach, trampoline, pets dolls, play dates, ice cream, parks, swimming and biking. When I explain that homeschooling means they would be studying the same topics as in school minus their friends, they get more contemplative and quiet.

This is a stressful time of the year for many parents and their children. Some children love school and count down the days. However, for many children, the anxiety of not knowing who will be in their class or who their home room teacher will be leads to worrying and sleepless nights.

I know that, as I type this, loads of parents are preparing to bring their 4 year olds to school for the first time. There will be nerves, tears, maybe guilt and that sinking feeling of emptiness once the child is officially in school.

As a former College Professor, I have seen the same anxiety play out with parents who are driving their young adult children to dorms out of town. They are super organized and very busy unpacking and walking around campus with their son or daughter to get them acquainted with the cafeteria, computer room, classrooms and financial aid office. Then, the dreaded moment arrives, the departure. The tension that has been pent up and hidden for the most part bursts opens like a dam. If you see a middle-aged couple sitting at a Tim's, cradling their cups, looking out the window with that far away gaze, you can bet they have just dropped off their college student.

Parents of teens have their own anxieties. Their teens will undoubtedly know many of the students in their grade but this is a new building. There is the knowledge that these teens are heading into a time of their life where parents are less able to shield and protect them. They will have many important choices to make and their future can be altered depending on those choices. Will they hang out with the "good" crowd of kids or the trouble makers? Will they spend their spare time studying or working on assignments or grabbing some lunch with friends and skipping a few classes? When they are out with their friends, will they be offered smokes, alcohol or drugs? Will they accept or decline the offers? When will they have sex? Will they bother to use contraceptives?

When I was starting my first year in University, a friend of my mom gave me great advice. She said: "Everyone is nervous, they are all feeling the same as you so reach out to them and they will be grateful to have someone to talk to". My first class was an elective German class. I looked around. No one was talking. I turned to the person next to me and started a conversation. The students around us were all listening to our conversation and I made eye contact to include as many as I could. I am a super shy person but her advice gave me the confidence to initiate conversations because I felt like I was helping put others at ease. I forgot about my own fears and anxieties. Thanks Beth!

So, whether your child is returning to elementary school, high school, College or University, there are things you can do to help him/her adjust and, to keep yourself from having a cardiac arrest.

Young child starting Junior Kindergarten:
If your child has not been in daycare, going to play groups is a great way to acquaint them with some of the elements of school such as carpet time, putting shoes and coats away in a cubby, eating out of a lunch kit etc. For children who have never been apart from parents, you may want to try out short programs like gymnastics, art classes, swimming or some kind of experience where they must transfer their trust and attachment to another adult. This teaches them that they can be safe and happy away from you. You can practise writing their name, learning their address and phone number and reciting the alphabet so these notions are familiar to them. Show them all their school supplies. Do they know how to open everything? This helps them feel independent. Can they put on and remove their velcro sneakers on their own? Are they able to take off their coat? It's a good idea to visit the classroom prior to the first day of school, meet the teacher and get acquainted with the layout-where to put shoes, location of desk, place on carpet etc. Talking about what to expect is also beneficial. On the first morning of school, providing a filling breakfast, speaking positively about starting school and having a clean cut off point are all helpful. I waited too long with my youngest. I was standing outside the school yard and when the time came to go into class, my daughter ran to the fence and tried to climb it. The teacher had to pull her off the fence and carry her off. It hurt so bad, I cried all morning. It would have been easier if I went with her to meet the teacher then kissed her, wished her a good first day of school and walked to my car. I just couldn't do it.

Teenagers:
Depending on your relationship with your teen and their personality, you could go out somewhere special and talk about their feelings re: their transition to high school. Visiting the school ahead of time is also a good idea as they know where to go on the first day when the halls are crowded. Meeting the teachers, if possible, is an excellent start. Having a great dialogue with your teen means he or she will be able to discuss issues with you as they come up. Planning to meet up with friends and walk to school together can go a long way toward reducing anxiety about being alone or self-conscious. Welcoming their friends into your home will increase your connection to your teen's friends. You will hear your teen speak freely about fears. It also gives you an opportunity to troubleshoot with them as a group. Being available to talk about the first day after school in a casual way-going for a walk or drive or, while preparing a meal, allows your teen to talk without having to look at you directly. My best conversations with teens in my theatre program was often as we were walking to class not when they sat across from me at the office.

Young Adults:
If your child is off to College or University, you want to make sure you have provided some basic every day living skills. They can cook a few meals, they know how to do their own laundry, they have a budget and know how to manage it, they are acquainted with the buses that can take them to important locations and have a meal plan. Again, visiting the campus, meeting faculty and touring facilities ahead of time makes everything more familiar once your son or daughter moves to the new city. You'll want to explore the city together and find places your child can go-library, coffeehouse, grocery store, bank, movie theatre etc. Letting your son or daughter know that you are just a phone call away and that you love them no matter what will empower them to make good choices while they are away. Troubleshooting is also beneficial. What if they go to a party with someone and that person has too much to drink? If they can't call you because you are out of town, what could they do to get home safely? The more organized they are prior to the first day and the more life skills you have given them, the easier the adjustment.

What about the parents after the child is in school? Empty nesters often feel depressed, lost, sad and confused once the children are in school. Plan something fun for that first day. Go and see a movie, meet a friend for coffee, buy a good book and plan to start it in a warm bath. If you are a stay-at-home parent and your days feel empty without your children, consider volunteering somewhere or working part-time or start a new hobby.

Whatever the circumstances, you are not alone. Talk to people about your feelings and you will hear their stories as well. You may even make a good friend. Good luck to all the parents tomorrow.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Patsy and I-BFFs

September 2nd, 2016

Dear reader,

I owe you an apology. The Friday prior to the arrival of my mother-in-law for her first ever visit, I wrote that I would not write during her visit but I would resume my blog after she left our home. Well, things didn't exactly true out that way. This is my first blog since then, a month later than expected.

However, much has happened since I last wrote. My visit with my mother-in-law, Patsy, was a success. I wasn't sure what to expect. I was very nervous. The way my husband described her, I expected her to criticize everything about me-what I wore, the cleanliness of our home and, my approach to motherhood. It wasn't like that at all. Patsy knows what she likes and tells it like it is. I found this refreshing because I never had to wonder if she liked something. She would tell me. I didn't have to worry that I was making her tea wrong for two weeks and that she would go home and complain to everyone about it. This is so often the case where people don't want to hurt your feelings and so you go on irritating them and everyone knows but you. Within 24 hours, I knew which cup was her favourite, when she liked her tea, what snacks she preferred and which of our chairs were the right size for her to sit comfortably. I was able to enjoy our visit because I wasn't second-guessing anything and, when I did something for her she really appreciated it.

Patsy loves to talk, she's like a live history book. I learned a great deal about her, London culture in general and, my husband. I started taking notes. She's my husband's mother, he has his own history with her which means he has "his stories" about her. He was embarrassed by her talking and would get irritated with her. She was a new person to me and I had a great time serving food and listening to stories. We really became good friends. What I didn't realize was that out of her five children, no one really took care of Patsy. One of her daughters takes her out once a year for a Mother's Day/Birthday meal-killing two birds with one stone. Other than that, she mostly lives with her son who is ill and spends his days locked up in his room. Patsy was limited by her mobility issues. On her first night here, she had to take a break on the landing on her way up the stairs to her room. She wheezed and held onto the banister. I worried she would have a heart attack.

We welcomed her into our family, looked after her and treated her with dignity. Patsy said she felt "less disabled" after a few days. She ate healthy meals with us and we took her out a few times to show her the shops in Merrickville or to celebrate my birthday in Ottawa. I took her and the girls to get mani/pedis. She pointed out that her toes were all piled up onto each other. The nail polish was getting smudged. I bought gel toe separators so she could help her toes move back to their original location. She wore the gel separators at night before bed. Within days, she was walking around the house, feeling more stable. She lost weight and was getting up the stairs without getting winded.

We were all amazed by her progress. One morning, she decided to try my treadmill. She also came swimming with us. She started to notice the difference between the way she was treated at home and how it felt to be here with us. She didn't want to go back. She wanted to buy a home up the street and live close by. She did return to the UK but she felt much more confident. She could see how people were using her for her money back home. We never asked her for any money. We just wanted her to have a nice visit. She started to eat healthier foods and walk around more, she refused to answer the phone when her adult children and grandchildren called her for money. She told her son he needed to smoke outside the house and get out of the house every day. It was good for both of them. Patsy has already booked her flight to come and visit us over the Christmas holidays. I was overjoyed at this transformation and our role in it.

What I couldn't anticipate was my husband's reaction to his mother's visit. Prior to her arrival, he was working crazy hours as he always does before a vacation. I was making decisions and arrangements and he had no opinion, he was too tired to think. When she did get here, he enjoyed her for the first 24 hours then he started bickering with her. His anxiety and anger increased. He fought with her on my birthday which was a drag. He eventually just went out a lot or stayed away from us. It left me alone with his mom and our daughters. When she left, he went through two weeks of anxiety and sadness. I couldn't understand it nor could he. He was also experiencing more nightmares than usual. For two weeks after her departure, the emotional aftershock and lack of sleep left me drained so I had no energy to write.

Then, as our life was returning to normal, my friend Chris sent me the link to a funding opportunity for writers. I love to write and I have had a few projects on the back-burner for some time. These are writing projects I'd like to pursue but have no ability to fund. I was actually eligible for it so I devoted the past two weeks to writing my bio, gathering samples of my work, getting them scanned, revising my resume and learning how to blank out my name from documents. I finally submitted my application yesterday afternoon. It felt soon good to get it done. I have never applied for funds before and I worried that this lack of experience would be apparent but I did it anyways. I won't know until November 18th, 2016 if I will receive any funding but I feel proud go myself for getting the application completed and submitted.

Ironically, the fund is for writers with children under the age of 18. The toughest part of the application process was getting out of the house to get copies done and scanned or to have time to dig up documents or type up my bio. My children are at home all summer and I have very little time to myself so getting my application in was quite the juggling act. Next week, my daughters will be back in school. I will miss them. I will, however, welcome the space and time to create, exercise, get out of the house, meet with friends and hang out with my husband on his days off.

Today, the girls are determined to stay in their underwear all day, to eat and play in their room. We will go out together later and they will want to talk about school and speculate; "What if my friends are not in my classroom? What if I get a mean teacher?". We will savour our time together, eating ice cream, walking on the sandy beach, jumping on the trampoline and, for them, playing with their dolls in the dark, way after I have tucked them in.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Canada Day in Kemptville

July 1st, 2016

Happy Canada Day everyone!

Today, I had a lovely time with my youngest daughter, Stella, at Riverside Park in Kemptville. There was a schedule of events on the municipal website. This made it easy for us to plan our day. We headed over to the kids' zone. There was a station set up to create bead necklaces and bracelets. There was also a mural where children could paint their names. We batted balloons with pool noodles and played Plinko. There was a wading pool filled with bubble soap and a variety of wands. Stella and her friend enjoyed creating trails of bubbles as they swirled around. They were also able to dig in the corn pit. It's a sand box filled with corn kernels and sand toys.

We loved watching the dogs running through the obstacle course at 1pm. They even had a few goats climbing the ramps and jumping over the gates. Most dogs needed prompting and coaxing. They had cue words like "weave" for the dogs to walk in between bars in a pattern. Then came the chocolate coloured lab. He was so excited to be there. He ran and jumped and weaved, no cues or prompting needed. We laughed, recognizing our own dog. Surely, Sweetie Pie would be this crazy, just happy to be playing. Since they get rewarded with food, you can be sure the she would complete the obstacle course asap.

We bought some food and snow cones at lunch time and sat with friends. That is what I love about old towns, you know so many people just because you all happen to be going to the same places-same school, same grocers, same bank, same gas station, same coffee shop etc. I worried when we moved out here that there would be nothing to do but, for kids, there are often programs to join and most are way cheaper than what's available in Ottawa.

There were free swims throughout the day. My husband and eldest daughter joined us at 3pm for a swim before the storm hit. There were stuffed ponies you could rent for $4. The children would ride them as the horse moved up and down, really neat. Two tents were devoted to face painting. One had traditional face painting, the other had glittery tattoos. The line ups were a bit long for those so we skipped it, especially since I knew we were going swimming.

I watched the local firefighters show children around the fire truck. Children could also try to control the fire hose with the help of a firefighter. As we watched the the hose spraying everywhere, my daughter told me she needed to pee. There was a port-a-potty nearby. I couldn't see any other option so I took her there and, to my amazement, it was clean and smelled fine. I was very relieved. On our way out, we watched teenagers jumping over bars with their bikes. My daughter was impressed. I was worried, "please don't try this at home". We grabbed some cotton candy and called it a day. Stella wants to go back for fireworks but they aren't until 10pm, way too late for her.

I was born and raised in Ottawa and for the longest time, my Canada Day consisted of trying to walk through crowds of people to watch buskers or lining up for hours in order to get food, watching people who had had too much to drink fight, make out, yell obnoxious comments or throw up. I rarely went out anymore.

I am satisfied with our Canada Day. There was so much to do. Stella got to see some friends. I enjoyed the community spirit and festive atmosphere. Thank you Tammy Hurlbert, coordinator of recreation programs in North Grenville! We had a great time and we were only ten minutes from home.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Your Inner Alien

June 23rd, 2016

Tomorrow, I am offering a Have You Hugged Your Alien? workshop at a nearby school for a class of grade 4 students. One comment I have heard from teachers and volunteer parents at my workshops in the past is that we need one of these workshops for adults. I have tailored my workshops to elementary school children so I'd have to change my language but I think it's a good idea.

In my book for children, the alien is the part of us that emerges when we are upset-it feels foreign to us. You do something you later regret and you wonder why you did that. It seemed like a good idea in the heat of the moment but you see more clearly once the intensity has passed. While you are upset, you watch your own behaviour as an observer and you are just as shocked as everyone else by what happens every step of the way. Your actions are not only unpredictable but they seem unstoppable.

After I have read the book, each student creates a representation of their inner alien out of clay. It is really fascinating to see the many interpretations of this directive. Students get really attached to their alien.

The main message of my book is that it's normal to experience a wide range of emotions, it's part of being a human being living your life. However, the choices you make when you are experiencing difficult emotions can get you in trouble. Parents or teachers ask you: "What came over you? What were you thinking?" They may also say: "This is so unlike you. You know better than this". You agree with them sheepishly and promise that it will never happen again but you don't know how it happened in the first place and you doubt you could react differently in the future.

Here is a glimpse into what I have learned so far-an explanation of the process that gets us into trouble. Our primitive or reptilian brain is located at the back of the head. It is an old part of the brain that looks after our survival. When we were cave people and we needed to survive, the reptilian brain helped us decide really quickly whether to fight (let's take this animal down together and eat it) or flee (dinosaur...run!). Our body gets a surge of energy to fight or run as fast as we can. However, it is not helpful to analyze the situation because, if you don't make a quick decision and act on it, you will die. That is why the activation of our primitive brain shuts down our pre-frontal cortex.

The prefrontal cortex is located at the front of the brain. It has developed over time and it is very smart. It helps us make good decisions. When this part of the brain shuts down, we make poor choices. At this point, children get very excited. If their brains are unable to make good choices while they are upset then surely their behaviour is not their fault. Wrong! While we can't control when our reptilian brain will take over or when our prefrontal cortex will take a break, we can learn a few tools to help us stay out of trouble.

I learned a few years ago that, when we have a negative emotional reaction, it cycles through our system for 90 seconds-that's it. If our response lasts less than a minute, it becomes much more manageable. The question doesn't become: How do I prevent myself from responding to negative events or conflicts? It becomes: What can I do during that 90 seconds to help my body use the excess energy of the reptilian brain? We used to need the surge in energy to fight predators or run away and hide but we don't need to hunt or defend ourselves against nature anymore. Having that much energy is like sitting on a wild stallion when you've never ridden a horse. You are not able to control it.

We can look at animals for inspiration. How do they release excess energy? If you have a dog, you have probably noticed that, when it gets frustrated, it stretches and makes a weird yawn with a high pitch sound. If it is really worked up, it will run like crazy throughout the house until it has calmed down. The cat stretches its back and hisses. The elephant raises its trunk, makes noise and flaps its ears. The horse stomps its hooves, neighs and shakes its head. The lion roars as it shakes its mane. The bear beats its chest and roars. Each animal uses either the voice, movement or breath to release energy. We can access these tools as well.

I ask the students to think about where they are in general when they are upset. Does it happen more at home or at school, inside or outside and who is involved? They usually know their pattern. I ask them to imagine how they could use their voice, breath and movement to feel better. I demonstrate exhales, stretches, saying: "I am so angry" or simply letting out a sound "URGH", running around if they are outside or tightening and releasing their muscles, wiggling the tension out or stomping their feet. They create a Coping Card where they draw themselves applying their new strategy to stay calm.Teachers can post these drawings on a classroom wall as a gentle reminder that there are other ways to respond to difficult feelings.

Then I address the fact that we often end up upset for longer than 90 seconds. That is because we have this great imagination and we tend to make up a story about our life that we hold onto and that serves as a reset button-triggering another 90 seconds of anger. As long as your mind remains focused on the story, you will keep triggering a new response. When animals are upset and they release the energy, they move on. We don't. I ask students to sum up their story in one sentence. Then I hand out an image of a flying saucer and I have them write the story on this flying saucer. Together, we visualize the saucer moving further away from us as we exhale until it disappears. Being aware of one's story is helpful. It helps us challenge it next time we are upset. Is this true or am I just upset? That way we can limit our reaction time to 90 seconds and move on.

I have been offering these workshops for just over a year now and I love watching the students' reactions to this information, their excitement as they create their alien and their interactions with their parents and teachers after the workshop where they use the alien metaphor to get support when they are getting overwhelmed. Parents report that their child will say they feel their alien stirring or teachers tell me students suggest strategies to each other. I love this work! If you are an adult and you wish to apply this to your own life, you can make it relevant for yourself as well.

1-Next time you are upset, remind yourself that you only have to keep it together for 90 seconds
2-Exhale hard, tense and release your muscles, tell people you are upset and you need a minute
3-Recognize your story, write it down and start to challenge it. Is it true? Find proof that it is false
4-Notice where you are when you get upset and who is with you
5-Tailor your strategy for that environment (Are you indoors/outside, at work or at home?)
6-If you are normally with them same person every time you are upset, examine what it is about this person that leads to frustration. Is there anything within your control that you can do?

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Call of the Wild

June 15th, 2016

Today was all about nature. I went to Camp Otterdale in Lombardy, Ontario with my daughter and both Grade 4 classes. As we drove up the winding driveway, through lush trees, on a dirt road, we saw rustic wood cabins appear all around us and were greeted by friendly staff. I saw the water up ahead and felt like I'd come home. I love being in the woods, close to water so I was in heaven.

We had such an amazing day! We started with arts and crafts in the cabin closest to the water. I'll let you in on a little secret...I am NOT good at arts and crafts. I am creative and I enjoy painting, sculpting, journalling or collages but making bracelets out of gimp is so not my talent. I was able to watch and learn as camp monitors taught my daughter and her classmates how to make various styles of bracelets-some easy, others very challenging.

I got to watch my daughter try her hand at archery. She needed lots of guidance at first but she did quite well in the end. The students were so excited by this activity. It's much harder than it appears which makes it all the more sweeter when you get the arrow anywhere close to the target. The group then learned an activity called Bouldering. It's like rock climbing but you move sideways across the boulders instead of rising to the top. You can climb all the way around from one side of the wall to the back of the wall-both sides have boulders on them. I loved watching the confidence grow throughout this activity. Initially, students would complain that it was hot out, that they couldn't get a firm grip and that they weren't sure what to do. However, many disappeared behind the wall to practise out of sight only to emerge victorious and full of pride.

We all enjoyed our pizza lunch in the main hall. There were camp songs and a few speeches and then we were off to our walk on the nature trail. The children loved the caterpillars. They collected them and had masses of them draped all over their arms. We learned how to make maple sugar, named the maple trees and the chickens and, enjoyed the walk through the wilderness.

By the time we got home, we felt sun-sucked but satisfied. I picked up my youngest daughter from school. She had a silk worm. She found it in the school yard. She carried it in a sandwich bag until we got home and transferred it to a mason jar with some leaves. She was excited to show everyone her new friend-Squirmy.

After supper, I took the girls to the park. There was a snapping turtle under the swings. She was laying her eggs. There was no one there initially but as word got around, more and more children crowded around the swing set. I called a friend of mine who works at the conservation office. She suggested we just leave the turtle alone. I was intrigued by the reaction of the children playing at the park. They lost all interest in the playground. They just wanted to watch the turtle.

Today has confirmed for me that children belong in nature. They can learn everything they need to in a natural environment and so much more. They can build a chicken coop to practise their math skills. They can journal their observations to use their writing skills. Tasks can be assigned to each student to teach responsibility. Compassion, leadership and team work are taught effortlessly through hands-on activities. This experience has ignited a desire in me to learn as much as I can about the natural world around me-such as the names of insects and plants.

If you are feeling stressed out, drive to the closest wooded area, take your shoes off, walk around, breathe in the fresh air, feel the ground under your feet and absorb the serenity of nature.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Thank You Teachers!

June 10th, 2016

The school year is coming to a close and my daughters are busy writing poems for their teachers. They love their teachers this year! I am so relieved because there have been years where they did not click with them and it has such an impact on their motivation to go to school. Teachers have such an important role. They are with our children every day of the week, in groups of 30, trying to instil a thirst for knowledge or, even more challenging, a passion for their assigned subject. They must be an educator, entertainer, substitute parent, therapist, motivational speaker and nurse.

Teachers can't have a bad day. You know how we can all have one of those days at work where we tell someone off or curse, teachers can't do this because the children will quickly go home and report the whole thing to their parents. Parents are a whole other aspect of a teacher's job. Some parents won't reply to a teacher's messages, they don't want to come in for a visit or complete homework. Other parents think they should have been educators and so they attempt to coach the teachers to become better at their job. There is so much pressure on teachers to get everything right and keep the school out of trouble.

Compassionate teachers can suffer a burn out because they see that some children are growing up way too soon. They may have parents who are neglectful, abusive or struggling to make ends meet. They see group dynamics where some students are being rejected or ridiculed by peers. Teachers want to protect and promote confidence in their students but they are only one person. They recognize that their reach is limited and this is difficult to accept. You have such a mix of students in one class all with their own needs but just one adult to help them all.

I recall Mlle De Bellefeuille, a retired nun and grade 2 teacher who kept me in school after class to help her decorate the classroom. She was very kind to me and I knew she cared about me. My daughter Stella loves Mme Jocelyne because she is an artist. In December, we bought her teacher pencils and a mandala drawing book. Stella said she saw love in her teacher's eyes when she saw her gift. Stella was so happy. She wants to buy the exact same gift for her now, hoping for the same reaction. My daughter Molly loves Mrs Johnston and Mrs Granger. Mrs Johnston likes her and makes funny comments. Molly comes home and repeats her comments to me. She feels safe with her knowing that she will be kind to her and has her best interest at heart. Mrs Granger teaches both girls and they are very fond of her. She puts a lot of passion into her work, she teaches Shakespeare and Beethoven, creating plays and music videos. The kids have so much fun learning in her class. They will miss her over the summer for sure.

My eldest has come out of her shell this year. She has started gymnastics class and she does enjoy testing her body to see what she can do. She was exposed to floor hockey, badminton and performance arts through school this year. She did a 2 minute dance performance at the talent show with three of her friends. She is willing to try new experiences now which comes from being in a school where she feels valued, safe and loved. My youngest has made lots of friends and is excited to learn in class and try out sports in the gym. Both girls have Mr. Matheson who is fun-loving and approachable. They love when he acts goofy with them.

We put so many expectations on teachers, their work is crucial to the healthy development of our children, they impact their desire to keep learning as well as their self-esteem. No other job has such high stakes. I would like to thank all the teachers for their hard work and devotion. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I Got the Music in Me

June 8th, 2016

Listen to a song from your childhood and you are immediately transported back in time. Music (and smells) have that power. Music can alter your mood and help you heal faster. I recall the year I was hired to co-run a daycare. I was loving my job for two days and then I went down hard with some kind of flu. They told me everyone who starts working with children gets this flu, it's your body's response to the abundance of germs all hanging out in one place. I slept all day for two days in a row. Then, I decided to listen to music on my "walkman". By the end of Side A of my cassette tape, I was up and dancing. I knew I was on the mend. I know from experience that listening to some really engaging music can lead to a speeding ticket-it was worth it. I have watched the power of music transform older adults on a dementia unit from lethargic to engaged and, non-verbal residents to karaoke artists. I have used music in my work with children to get their energy out (with a fast  tempo) then help them relax through a slow, instrumental soundtrack.

In my workshops with adults, I often have them create a collage of their intention then we visualize how it would look if their intention was manifested. We top it all off by associating a soundtrack with the feeling of this manifestation. I have used this myself whenever I set goals. I would love for you to experience the power of music to keep you in the feeling of your intentions for the months ahead. Let's try it together.

We have many dimensions to our lives: finances, family, work, growth, friendship, spiritual, health etc. Rate your level of satisfaction from 1-10 for each segment of your life. You may have different sections than the ones named above, please choose your own names for each category.

Next, choose the area you feel most needs your attention (lowest satisfaction rating).

Third, identify your intention for that area of your life, make it specific and concrete. E.g. I will lose 15 pounds before Christmas so I feel confident enough to go swimming with the kids during our trip or I will apply to five new jobs each week until I find something fulfilling that uses my skills. Notice that both examples contain four parts:

1-An action statement, I will
2-A concrete measurement, 15 pounds or five jobs
3-A timeline, before Christmas or each week
4-A payoff, swimming with the children or a fulfilling job

Write your own intentional statement then gather images from Google images, magazines or your own photos to show what your life would be like if you manifested your intention. You could also draw, paint or sculpt it. Once you have a visual for your intention, try to engage all your sense. What would you hear, see, feel, smell or taste if you were living this manifestation? Use your imagination to live this reality in your mind. Give it a descriptive title like Anne's Hot Bod for the Holidays or Living My Bliss! Finally, choose a soundtrack that matches the emotions of living this dream. Buy the song on iTunes or google it on You Tube and play it at least once a day. You'll see that even when you don't feel energized and are doubting yourself, just playing the song will bring you right back to the positive emotional state you associate with the manifestation of your intention.

Good luck! I'd love to hear examples of how people have applied this activity. Please feel free to e-mail me.

Anne Walsh
artnsoul@ripnet.com
www.artnsoul.org

Yazdani

June 3rd, 2016

I don't know about you but there are lots of people out there who fear dentists. They wait until they are in severe pain before they call to schedule an appointment, when they are desperate for relief. By then, they require a root canal and their worst nightmare becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am fortunate that I have always had great dentists. My mother and my eldest daughter were not so lucky.

Some friends of ours recommended we try Yazdani Dentistry on Saunders street in Kemptville. I needed to find a new dentist for my daughter that was more-kid-friendly so she could lose her fear of going to the dentist's office. My eldest daughter is very sweet, kind-hearted, gentle and generous and I love her to bits but she has this thing about textures.

When I buy clothing, she doesn't like anything with a seam at the chest, it can't have an image on it with a rubber-feeling backing on the inside (too sticky), she doesn't like certain fabrics like lycra, nylon, spandex etc (too slippery), she hates being warm, she eats the same foods over and over again because they feel good in her mouth and, trying to get a toothpaste that she will actually use has been a nightmare.

She hates the taste of mint, orange, bubble gum, very berry etc. She tolerates the strawberry flavoured tooth paste but will only use a small amount. We argue more about tooth brushing and hygiene in general than anything else. I have to ask her multiple times to brush her teeth. I prepare her toothbrush otherwise she doesn't use any toothpaste and, I watch to make sure she doesn't just skim over it, 10 seconds, and spit it all out. The result of her disdain for tooth brushing is that areas at the back of her mouth get neglected. I tried rinses but they taste too strong for her. There is a cream that neutralizes acidity. It is very expensive. I bought a tube, she put some on herself the first night, gagged and immediately rushed to the towel and scraped it all off. When we go to the dentist's office, I feel embarrassed by the state of her teeth. I feel like a bad mom, like I have been neglectful. They can't know how much energy I waste fighting with her twice a day to get even minimal effort on her part.

I booked an appointment with the Yazdani office for a tour and a cleaning. My daughter and I were greeted by the hostess. The office is clean and flooded with sunlight. The hostess was very nice. She pointed out the waiting room which is filled with snacks, juice boxes and coffee and has rows of magazines plus a corner for toys.

As we walked through the office, we saw the state of the art equipment and friendly staff. We were led to one of the many stations where we waited for the dentist. I was asked to fill out paperwork. The questions were different from other offices. I had to provide the usual medical background information but they also wanted to know what was important to us and how they could make my daughter's experience as pleasant as possible. The dental hygienist asked Molly about her day and plans for the weekend. She spoke to her directly and took the time to connect with her. When her dentist, Angel, arrived, he was also pleasant and efficient. There was a television overhead so she was able to watch cartoons while they examined and cleaned her teeth. She received a welcome package and was instructed to pick a prize from the treasure box.

By the time we left there, I knew she would come willingly with me for her next appointment. We did need a follow-up appointment and that was today. I was nervous about her feeling pain during the procedure. I had forgotten the dentist's name so when Molly said her Angel was going to come and fix her teeth, I thought that was an odd comment. The dentist introduced himself as Angel and it clicked. They were going to work on the top left but Molly said her bottom left tooth was the worst. They quickly assessed the situation and focused on the tooth that was bothering her. I sat in the room and watched the entire procedure.

The dentist showed her how to use the chair massage button so she could relax during her appointment, he gave her some cool sunglasses to wear and talked to her in a caring manner. His humour and friendly demeanour helped her relax. The dental hygienist, Carley,  explained what they were doing every step of the way. When it was time to numb her gums, she told her she should close her eyes because she needed to bring the light in for a closer look, that way Molly wouldn't see the needle. Later, when I asked my daughter if she had felt any pain, she assured me that she didn't. Both the dentist and the hygienist praised my daughter and encouraged her along the way. She watched the cartoon network program playing overhead and pressed the chair massage button from time to time (which she loved).

She picked a prize on her way out and we went home so she could rest while we waited for the numbness in her cheek and tongue to wear off. I was so relieved. My daughter liked the dentist's sense of humour. Molly wants to be the next Taylor Swift. When Angel heard about this he said he wanted her signature now before she got too famous. I am very happy that my daughter has lost her fear of dentists. I would highly recommend the Yazdani office for anyone wanting to feel cared for by competent, friendly professionals.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

The Story of Poobum and Pompom

May 18th, 2016

I was minding my own business when a Fed Ex truck pulled up to my home. As I made my way to the front door, he deposited two boxes and left. I scanned the boxes, expecting them to be filled with products for my husband's work. To my surprise, they were addressed to me. I recognized the label-Burnstown Publishing. These were my books. I was shocked!

I wrote some children's books on my iPad years ago. Meredith Luce, a local illustrator, agreed to illustrate my first book, Have You Hugged Your Alien? two years ago. It was well received and it became part of my series of workshops for elementary schools. Meredith illustrated the second book, The Story of Poobum and Pompom last fall. We had hoped to hit the markets at Christmas but two things happened: 1) The book wasn't printed until January and, 2) when it did get printed, it was all mixed up. Meredith and I were bummed.

I set out to find a publisher and went through a variety of quotes. When I spoke to Tim Gordon at Burnstown Publishing, I felt like I was at the right place. There were many parallels between what he was trying to accomplish and my hopes for my books. It has been a long road but I have my book, I can hold it in my hands and read it to my children. Now all I have to do is set a date for my book launch. I am hoping it will be at the public library in Kemptville before the end of the school year.

The Story of Poobum and Pompom is about sibling rivalry. Poobum the dog has this fantastic life then his parents decide to adopt a kitten. The book documents their relationship from rivalry to friendship. My inspiration for this book came from my own experience with my two lovely daughters. My eldest, Molly, had a great life filled with lots of love and attention. When my youngest, Stella, was born, it was a huge adjustment. My eldest felt betrayed. She was very angry and tried to harm her sister on a daily basis.

She went from despising her sister to tolerating her over the first year. Then, as Stella grew and became more interactive, Molly started doing things to make her laugh like her "boom chicka boom" song. When Stella started eating solids, Molly enjoyed feeding her and, she was present when Stella took her first steps. It wasn't until Stella was approximately 2 1/2 years old that Molly decided they would be friends. Molly would hold her hand or hug her. By then, Stella had learned to keep her distance so she wasn't sure what to make of this newfound affection. However, slowly, they grew to like each other, become play mates and seek each other out.

They had their own world and, eventually, we were no longer invited to join in. I was so happy when I first heard them giggling and signing together. It was all going to work out. As a parent, you want your children to get along. When they don't, it's very painful. You worry about the future. You wonder if you did anything wrong. Your children are fighting, hurting each other's feelings and you are stuck in the middle.

Once they became friends and were enjoying their time together, I could relax. They each had their own room but they chose to sleep in the same bed for years because they could talk and giggle after bed time. Once they were both in school, they had lots of inside jokes and, even though I wish I could still be in the loop, I am glad that they love each other and look out for one another.

The book is meant to start a dialogue between a parent and child about the difficult transition from only child to older brother or sister. I want children to know their feelings are normal and they are still loved. I'd like to reassure parents that this is a transition, that it will be ok. I am proud of this book and I hope lots of families read it together.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Back to Reality and Business is Booming!

May 10th, 2016

I'm back! I can't believe how long it has been since my last post. My intention was to resume my writing yesterday, a Monday. My husband offered to take our daughters to gymnastics and I felt it was the best opportunity to sit and write. Then, one hour later, he and the girls were on their way home. Our eldest was throwing up. There would be no gymnastics and, no writing.

I took a break from writing when I left for a two week trip with my family to Florida. We always book a home through Vacation Rentals By Owners (VRBO). We had a great time together. For my husband, the best thing is grilling and going out on the motorbike. For our daughters it's not being in school and spending most of the day in the pool. For me, it's the warmth, wearing a thin layer of clothing, walking barefoot and just hanging out with my family.

I fully expected to start writing the Monday after we returned however...
The first thing that happened was putting out the garbage that first night back at the house and freezing. I could feel all my muscles trembling. I got sick. I felt worn out, my nose was constantly dripping and my entire head was congested. I accomplished nothing that first week back.

I was scheduled to participate in the North Grenville Sustainability Fair the next weekend. My body was on the mend and I prepared boxes of art materials to inspire children to create a village with butcher paper, cardboard boxes, paints, markers, duct tape, popsicle sticks and cotton balls. A young boy and his little sister discovered my three tables set up in the far corner and they jumped in. They invited others to join the fun and, next thing I knew, my corner was super busy and the village was taking shape. It was an exciting afternoon and I was very proud of the outcome.

The fair was on the Sunday. I was relaxing, eating my breakfast on Monday morning when I realized the Catholic District School Board was having its Community Partner Day in one hour. I had totally forgotten about it. The date had been set such a long time ago. I jumped in the shower and drove to Smiths Falls as fast as I could. It was so worth it! I made great contacts, handed out many cards and learned about opportunities to get involved with the school board.

For the following three weeks, I had one workshop with parents and their children, each week, at Kemptville Public School. The Parent Council applied for a Parents Reaching Out grant on my behalf. Therefore, I was able to offer three 90 minute sessions to families for free on the topic of communication. We created family sculptures on the first week to define each family's identity. Then, for the second session, we explored our aliens and learned how to communicate emotions in a constructive way. The final and third week had families create wish boxes to plan quality activities together. I was thrilled with the turn out. I received excellent feedback from the families and the parent council. It was such a great opportunity for me to showcase what I do. To top it all off, another school has contacted me. They heard about my workshops and will be applying for funding to have me offer those same workshops at their school in the Fall. Life is good!

I was also in contact with Tim Gordon at Burnstown Publishing. They will be printing 50 copies of my Have You Hugged Your Alien? book as well as 50 copies of my new book, The Story of Poobum and Pompom. I am so happy to have my second book on its way. I believe the book is going to the printers tomorrow. We have been e-mailing back and forth to sort through details and ensure the book is a success. I am now organizing my book launch for early June. All very exciting stuff!

Throughout this busy time, each of my family members has been sick. I was sick the first week back, then my youngest, then my husband and now, as I sit here and write, my eldest daughter is ill as well.

I love writing and I will now pick up where I left off. However, I have decided to not write on weekends. I was struggling to get my writing done on weekends before because, from Friday evening to Sunday night, I am surrounded by family. I get stressed because I am torn between two intentions, writing every day and spending quality time with my loved ones. I believe that keeping my writing to weekdays, will help me balance out my life.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Last post-Pet Sitters

March 19th, 2016

Hello everyone, this will be my last post until April 4th. My family and I are leaving for Florida tomorrow and I will be enjoying our time away together without technology. I am sure I will feel inspired to write about new topics when we return.

Right now, everyone is asleep and we are all packed. I am reading over my to-do list and I am satisfied with my progress. I feel excited about our trip. My husband's clients will be house sitting and pet sitting for us. That makes all the difference for me.

In the past, we had neighbors check on the cat, scoop his litter, fill his food bowl and give him some love every day but no one lived in our home. When we got our dog, this was no longer an option. We tried two different kennels. The people were nice but our dog is more of a human-lover, not so much a dog-lover. The last year that she was in a kennel, when we returned, the owner gave us a photo of our dog as a souvenir of her stay. Our dog was being sniffed by dogs on either side, her ears were back and her tail was curled down between her legs. It broke my heart. She looked so unhappy.

Last year, a friend of ours stayed with our pets. It was a completely different experience. Our dog was able to stay in her environment where everything is familiar and comfortable. She received great care by this loving woman who absolutely adores dogs and bakes her own treats. We could check in with her by e-mail throughout the holiday. She even sent footage of our pets when the girls were missing them. We returned to a happy, slightly slimmer from the extra exercise dog and a satisfied, calm cat. Our home had been carde for and there were fresh flowers on the table.

Our friend has her own dog now so she couldn't be here this year. Luckily, my husband has many clients and we have more pet lovers coming to spoil our animals and keep our home cozy while we are away.

As silly as it may seem, I feel more excited about our trip knowing that our pets will be happy. It's hard to go away and relax when you are worried about your dog, wondering if she is stressed. That is no longer an issue. It's also a relief to know that, when the children inevitably start missing the pets, we can share photos e-mailed to my husband's phone (which he will be taking with him).

Thank you pet sitters everyone for offering love to our pets, important members of our family, and for providing peace of mind for the family members who love them.

See you on April 4th!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Night Talks

March 13th, 2016

Every night, my girls want to talk before bed. I used to read stories to them then, we started to make up our own stories, now we have graduated to talking about life. My eldest usually initiates this: "Can we just talk, Mom?" What I find interesting is that I am around throughout the day on weekends, trying to connect with them. This can be difficult at times because they want to do different activities and they each want me to choose their activity. I have to bargain, promising to draw with my eldest then play dolls with my youngest. During the day, they seem so mature. I get a few eye rolls or they resist what I am asking them to do. "Brush my teeth? Why? I'm not going out today?" When night comes around, they want to cuddle and talk. I love it!

They talk about school. I find out who they play with at recess, those friends are sometimes different from the ones who come over for playdates. They tell me their stories about who they "broke up" with and why. They hint at some girls who are mean to them. They ask questions they may not ask during the day when we can see each other's faces.

They confess their fears and share their dreams. My eldest is trying to decide how famous she wants to be. She hates the thought of papparazzi being in her face with their cameras but she is determined to become a superstar. She once described her entire tour schedule. Apparently, her entire tour ends in Brazil. We have never been to Brazil or even talked about Brazil but she studied her map of the world and chose a variety of locations to ensure she spreads herself evenly around the globe. Both my daughters don't want to have children because they don't want their bellies to look like mine :). My eldest wants to get married, my youngest isn't interested in marriage. They both swear they will never move away. They want to stay in their room at the house for the rest of their lives.

I enjoy these conversations because I get to convey my values without preaching, just by responding to their questions and stories. Sometimes I tell them about a mistake I made when I was little and what happened as a consequence. Lately, I've been trying to introduce them to music. On Friday, as we were celebrating the start of March Break, I wanted to share Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd. They were not interested in hearing my "old, boring" music. My husband tries to tell them about David Bowie and the Beatles (more eye rolling from the girls). At least, my eldest is hooked on Michael Jackson. I was a huge fan of his when I was her age. One night, we watched a bunch of his videos, singing and dancing along as a family and she was hooked. Now she imitates him, as I used to do at her age, she has a poster of him in her room and she wishes she could have met him when he was alive.

I am happy and proud to have our night talks. Right now the girls fight to spend time with me but, one day, soon enough, they will be teenagers and they will be harder to reach. I hope our talks create a ritual that maintains the lines of communication open for when we need it the most.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org