December 16th, 2016
Today was one of those days. You know the ones? You have an ambitious to-do list and you toss and turn all night going over what you want to accomplish, trying to figure out how to proceed. Where do I start? That was me this morning. I looked at my list, turned on the music and got busy. Among the items on my list were de-cluttering and re-organizing furniture.
My mother-in-law will be visiting for ten days over Christmas. I now have one visit under my belt therefore I know what to expect, we have met and connected in the summer so it's less stressful in that way this time. However, it's winter and Christmas therefore I need to prepare for her visit differently. Our bedroom is quite cold and I don't want her to freeze during her visit as she will be sleeping in our room. The contractors came to finish sealing up our new windows today so that is one less concern. I have been cranking up the heat at the girls' bath time to see how cozy the room can get.
Last time, the girls spent most of their time playing in my eldest daughter's room. They were excited to meet their grandma but she didn't spend a great deal of time getting to know them. Every time they sat near her, they listened to adult conversations and felt excluded. By the time she left, they did not feel that they had gotten to know her. They were sad that they hadn't bonded. I have moved our dining room table to the kitchen where it once was, when the children were little. In the old dining room, I have set up a play room. This is how the house was set up for years when the girls were little. They loved it and it was a great way to keep an eye on them while I cooked. I am hoping that they will have more opportunities to interact with their grandma if they are playing on the main floor where we are.
Christmas is a big thing in our home. We spend our time hanging out in our pyjamas. We eat, read, play, watch movies and eat again. We talk and laugh, light sparklers and pull crackers. We all love this time of the year. That is one of the reasons I am a bit nervous. I hope Christmas will be just as awesome this year. When my mother-in-law visited in the summer, my husband struggled with the gap between his expectations and the reality of his relationship with his mother. He rode a roller coaster of anxiety, anger, guilt and sadness. He and his mother bickered at times. I was taken aback by their interaction because I knew he really wanted her to be there. He spent a great deal of time leaving the house for errands and I spent more time with my mother-in-law than he did. I didn't mind it because she is easy to get along with however, my daughters felt neglected. I wasn't playing with them or talking to them as much and they resented it. Now, we are heading into this special holiday and I want to make my mother-in-law feel welcome while still making time to create memories with the girls.
Ever since the girls have arrived from school, they have been playing in their new toy room on the main floor. We ate at the dining table in the kitchen. It all feels like before, when they were little and it brings back fond memories. I feel a shift in the energy in the house. It feels good. I am thrilled with what I got done today. It was just that kind of day, I was on a roll. I am one step closer to having our home ready for a special guest. My hope for the holidays is that my husband will treat this visit as a gift, an opportunity to spend a peaceful Christmas surrounded by the women and girls who love him: his mother, my mother, our daughters and, of course, his wife.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label quality time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quality time. Show all posts
Friday, 16 December 2016
Thursday, 19 May 2016
We are not computers
May 19th, 2016
This discussion has come up with so many people lately, I decided I should blog about it. Technology was never meant to speed things up. The intention was to create more time for the important people and activities in our lives by delegating menial, busy work to a machine. However, we did not know how to make the most of this extra time. We didn't spend more time eating meals as a family or reading great books. Instead, we worked longer hours, doubled our workload and multi-tasked. We also moved off the land and created office cubicles.
We can observe the impact of technology on our nutrition. We are less likely to grow our food and roast a meal throughout the day. We are often away from home at the office therefore we are unable to supervise our garden or our roasts. Therefore, we grab fast food or prepared foods on our way home and zap them in our microwaves.
Technology has sped up our lives. We drive through rush hour traffic to get home from our demanding jobs then we shovel mouthfuls of food into our tense bodies before beginning the frenetic activities of the evening: swimming, gymnastics, hockey, soccer, karate, piano etc. By the time we return home, we squeeze in 30 minutes of homework and fall into our beds.
As a mother, I recall being sleep deprived and drinking coffee from the wee hours of the morning onward in order to function throughout the day. That was a very distinct period of my life. However, I see so many people living off coffee, pop or energy drinks. They have meetings, reports, conferences, deadlines etc. All of it is important and, of course, urgent.
Working in long-term care, I witnessed first-hand how nurses who trained because they were compassionate and had great bed-side manners, burnt out over and over again. Why? They spend so much time filling out paper work in order to maintain funding, avoid being labelled as redundant and prevent liability issues that they hardly have time to connect with their residents. Furthermore, when residents come to them for comfort, they must turn them away because they are already overwhelmed with work. This is a surefire way to destroy the spirit of a compassionate human being who would like nothing more than to connect with residents, hear their stories and offer support.
Our relationships are also impacted by technology. We juggle impossible schedules and attempt to find some down time to connect and catch up. However, by the end of our filled and fast-paced days at work, we are often too wrung out to do much of anything. Instead, we sit in front of the television set, have a glass of wine, maybe hold hands and go to bed. Our children are exposed to technology early on as they suck on our cell phones, watch television programs at home and videos in the van while on the road. Their toys speak to them in both official languages and emit loud noises. They are overstimulated from a young age. Each toy makes different sounds and lights up, little is left to the imagination. I don't recall anyone saying: "I'm bored", when I was growing up yet it is so common these days.
What should have been progress has become a trap. We work hard, compete to climb the ladder to the jobs with the biggest pay. Then, we buy stuff as a symbol of our success. In order to keep our stuff and get more, we work harder to make more money. We look forward to our retirement when we will be able to do all those things we have wanted to do but have been too pooped to do in our lives. We take a week off to spend quality time together. Then we realize that we are strangers, that we are all so consumed with our Facebook, e-mails and x-boxes that our holiday is not what we hoped it would be or, we do spend time together and truly enjoy it, only to return to the our busy schedules as soon as the trip ends.
The computers were supposed to serve us. Somewhere along the way, we became confused. We started to treat ourselves like computers. We expected everything to happen faster. We wanted immediate gratification. We crammed our calendars, uploaded piles of information, imagined that we could multitask and do it all without error. The problem is we are not computers. We are human beings. We need more than upgrades and we are meant to last more than three years. We crave connection, belonging, meaning, love, growth and time for reflection and rest. We require physical contact and neither Facebook, Skype, E-mail or Text can fulfill that need.
The pendulum has swung too far. The proof is in the litres of caffeine required to keep up, the amount of alcohol consumed to numb ourselves, the excessive purchases needed to fill our void. The answer is a return to simplicity-growing herbs or a garden, spending time eating meals as a family, communing with nature, bonding with our children, having unscheduled play time, valuing people over money and living our lives now, not in the future. Creating or reviving rituals to celebrate pivotal moments on our life cycles can also infuse our lives with meaning and belonging.
It's time to focus on what matters: family, friends, good food, rest, nature, reflection, growth and love.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
This discussion has come up with so many people lately, I decided I should blog about it. Technology was never meant to speed things up. The intention was to create more time for the important people and activities in our lives by delegating menial, busy work to a machine. However, we did not know how to make the most of this extra time. We didn't spend more time eating meals as a family or reading great books. Instead, we worked longer hours, doubled our workload and multi-tasked. We also moved off the land and created office cubicles.
We can observe the impact of technology on our nutrition. We are less likely to grow our food and roast a meal throughout the day. We are often away from home at the office therefore we are unable to supervise our garden or our roasts. Therefore, we grab fast food or prepared foods on our way home and zap them in our microwaves.
Technology has sped up our lives. We drive through rush hour traffic to get home from our demanding jobs then we shovel mouthfuls of food into our tense bodies before beginning the frenetic activities of the evening: swimming, gymnastics, hockey, soccer, karate, piano etc. By the time we return home, we squeeze in 30 minutes of homework and fall into our beds.
As a mother, I recall being sleep deprived and drinking coffee from the wee hours of the morning onward in order to function throughout the day. That was a very distinct period of my life. However, I see so many people living off coffee, pop or energy drinks. They have meetings, reports, conferences, deadlines etc. All of it is important and, of course, urgent.
Working in long-term care, I witnessed first-hand how nurses who trained because they were compassionate and had great bed-side manners, burnt out over and over again. Why? They spend so much time filling out paper work in order to maintain funding, avoid being labelled as redundant and prevent liability issues that they hardly have time to connect with their residents. Furthermore, when residents come to them for comfort, they must turn them away because they are already overwhelmed with work. This is a surefire way to destroy the spirit of a compassionate human being who would like nothing more than to connect with residents, hear their stories and offer support.
Our relationships are also impacted by technology. We juggle impossible schedules and attempt to find some down time to connect and catch up. However, by the end of our filled and fast-paced days at work, we are often too wrung out to do much of anything. Instead, we sit in front of the television set, have a glass of wine, maybe hold hands and go to bed. Our children are exposed to technology early on as they suck on our cell phones, watch television programs at home and videos in the van while on the road. Their toys speak to them in both official languages and emit loud noises. They are overstimulated from a young age. Each toy makes different sounds and lights up, little is left to the imagination. I don't recall anyone saying: "I'm bored", when I was growing up yet it is so common these days.
What should have been progress has become a trap. We work hard, compete to climb the ladder to the jobs with the biggest pay. Then, we buy stuff as a symbol of our success. In order to keep our stuff and get more, we work harder to make more money. We look forward to our retirement when we will be able to do all those things we have wanted to do but have been too pooped to do in our lives. We take a week off to spend quality time together. Then we realize that we are strangers, that we are all so consumed with our Facebook, e-mails and x-boxes that our holiday is not what we hoped it would be or, we do spend time together and truly enjoy it, only to return to the our busy schedules as soon as the trip ends.
The computers were supposed to serve us. Somewhere along the way, we became confused. We started to treat ourselves like computers. We expected everything to happen faster. We wanted immediate gratification. We crammed our calendars, uploaded piles of information, imagined that we could multitask and do it all without error. The problem is we are not computers. We are human beings. We need more than upgrades and we are meant to last more than three years. We crave connection, belonging, meaning, love, growth and time for reflection and rest. We require physical contact and neither Facebook, Skype, E-mail or Text can fulfill that need.
The pendulum has swung too far. The proof is in the litres of caffeine required to keep up, the amount of alcohol consumed to numb ourselves, the excessive purchases needed to fill our void. The answer is a return to simplicity-growing herbs or a garden, spending time eating meals as a family, communing with nature, bonding with our children, having unscheduled play time, valuing people over money and living our lives now, not in the future. Creating or reviving rituals to celebrate pivotal moments on our life cycles can also infuse our lives with meaning and belonging.
It's time to focus on what matters: family, friends, good food, rest, nature, reflection, growth and love.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday, 13 March 2016
Night Talks
March 13th, 2016
Every night, my girls want to talk before bed. I used to read stories to them then, we started to make up our own stories, now we have graduated to talking about life. My eldest usually initiates this: "Can we just talk, Mom?" What I find interesting is that I am around throughout the day on weekends, trying to connect with them. This can be difficult at times because they want to do different activities and they each want me to choose their activity. I have to bargain, promising to draw with my eldest then play dolls with my youngest. During the day, they seem so mature. I get a few eye rolls or they resist what I am asking them to do. "Brush my teeth? Why? I'm not going out today?" When night comes around, they want to cuddle and talk. I love it!
They talk about school. I find out who they play with at recess, those friends are sometimes different from the ones who come over for playdates. They tell me their stories about who they "broke up" with and why. They hint at some girls who are mean to them. They ask questions they may not ask during the day when we can see each other's faces.
They confess their fears and share their dreams. My eldest is trying to decide how famous she wants to be. She hates the thought of papparazzi being in her face with their cameras but she is determined to become a superstar. She once described her entire tour schedule. Apparently, her entire tour ends in Brazil. We have never been to Brazil or even talked about Brazil but she studied her map of the world and chose a variety of locations to ensure she spreads herself evenly around the globe. Both my daughters don't want to have children because they don't want their bellies to look like mine :). My eldest wants to get married, my youngest isn't interested in marriage. They both swear they will never move away. They want to stay in their room at the house for the rest of their lives.
I enjoy these conversations because I get to convey my values without preaching, just by responding to their questions and stories. Sometimes I tell them about a mistake I made when I was little and what happened as a consequence. Lately, I've been trying to introduce them to music. On Friday, as we were celebrating the start of March Break, I wanted to share Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd. They were not interested in hearing my "old, boring" music. My husband tries to tell them about David Bowie and the Beatles (more eye rolling from the girls). At least, my eldest is hooked on Michael Jackson. I was a huge fan of his when I was her age. One night, we watched a bunch of his videos, singing and dancing along as a family and she was hooked. Now she imitates him, as I used to do at her age, she has a poster of him in her room and she wishes she could have met him when he was alive.
I am happy and proud to have our night talks. Right now the girls fight to spend time with me but, one day, soon enough, they will be teenagers and they will be harder to reach. I hope our talks create a ritual that maintains the lines of communication open for when we need it the most.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Every night, my girls want to talk before bed. I used to read stories to them then, we started to make up our own stories, now we have graduated to talking about life. My eldest usually initiates this: "Can we just talk, Mom?" What I find interesting is that I am around throughout the day on weekends, trying to connect with them. This can be difficult at times because they want to do different activities and they each want me to choose their activity. I have to bargain, promising to draw with my eldest then play dolls with my youngest. During the day, they seem so mature. I get a few eye rolls or they resist what I am asking them to do. "Brush my teeth? Why? I'm not going out today?" When night comes around, they want to cuddle and talk. I love it!
They talk about school. I find out who they play with at recess, those friends are sometimes different from the ones who come over for playdates. They tell me their stories about who they "broke up" with and why. They hint at some girls who are mean to them. They ask questions they may not ask during the day when we can see each other's faces.
They confess their fears and share their dreams. My eldest is trying to decide how famous she wants to be. She hates the thought of papparazzi being in her face with their cameras but she is determined to become a superstar. She once described her entire tour schedule. Apparently, her entire tour ends in Brazil. We have never been to Brazil or even talked about Brazil but she studied her map of the world and chose a variety of locations to ensure she spreads herself evenly around the globe. Both my daughters don't want to have children because they don't want their bellies to look like mine :). My eldest wants to get married, my youngest isn't interested in marriage. They both swear they will never move away. They want to stay in their room at the house for the rest of their lives.
I enjoy these conversations because I get to convey my values without preaching, just by responding to their questions and stories. Sometimes I tell them about a mistake I made when I was little and what happened as a consequence. Lately, I've been trying to introduce them to music. On Friday, as we were celebrating the start of March Break, I wanted to share Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd. They were not interested in hearing my "old, boring" music. My husband tries to tell them about David Bowie and the Beatles (more eye rolling from the girls). At least, my eldest is hooked on Michael Jackson. I was a huge fan of his when I was her age. One night, we watched a bunch of his videos, singing and dancing along as a family and she was hooked. Now she imitates him, as I used to do at her age, she has a poster of him in her room and she wishes she could have met him when he was alive.
I am happy and proud to have our night talks. Right now the girls fight to spend time with me but, one day, soon enough, they will be teenagers and they will be harder to reach. I hope our talks create a ritual that maintains the lines of communication open for when we need it the most.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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