Am I a Writer Yet?

December 1st, 2016

In the early 2000s, I submitted a short story to a collaborative book published by Mimi Publishing. I wrote about my work with people diagnosed with dementia. I wanted to inspire the staff in long term care and loved ones of individuals with dementia to stimulate and appreciate the person within the illness. When Mimi Publishing was ready to start its second collaboration, I submitted a more personal story. This time, my aim was to write about my childhood in a less than ideal low income neighbourhood in order to reach out to at-risk teens. The message to my story was that you can't choose your lifestyle when you are a child but, as an adult, you can design your own life regardless of your beginnings. The lady who edited my text, focused on the biographical aspect of my story and, by the time it went to print, there wasn't much left of the motivational part of my story. I was disappointed and never really sold that book to anyone.

Years later, I interviewed older adults living in my neighbourhood and submitted their stories to the local paper. I enjoyed doing this and ended up being a reporter for some time, visiting local businesses and interesting individuals to document what they were doing and why it mattered to the people in our community.

I enjoyed writing. I was able to use my creativity and people wrote to me or spoke to me when we bumped into one another to say they loved reading what I wrote. I approached a friend and artist Meredith Luce and we collaborated on a deck of art therapy cards. These cards were meant to help ease women going through painful life transitions by suggesting art therapy directives they could do from home with cheap materials.

I started volunteering in my daughter's class. I wanted to design workshops that taught life skills such as friendship, stress management, healthy boundaries, constructive self-expression and self-care but I couldn't find a book about the healthy expression of anger or frustration. This led me down the self-publishing path and my first book was born. Have You Hugged Your Alien? was my tool to initiate conversations with elementary school children about the normalcy of their emotions.

I followed up with a second book dealing with sibling rivalry as children adjust to a younger sibling. The first book was popular with teachers, therapists and parents. The second book was used by parents and the workshops were mostly in libraries or after school programs.

Last January, after chatting with my friend Chris who is a writer, I expressed my desire to write more often but my confusion about how one goes about getting paid for their work. Chris has been my informal mentor since then, pointing out grant application deadline, writer's festivals and events as well as associations that support and promote the work of writers. I have learned a great deal from her. I figured if I wanted to feel like a writer, I needed to write every day. So, I started this blog and I have written on most weekdays since then. I also write in my journal.

This past weekend, I attended the Small Press Fair in Ottawa. I was really scared but I got registered  and showed up anyways. Mandy from Classic Graphics had prepared a huge sign for me with a bio and a copy of the title page from each book as well as my logo on it. She did a great job, as usual. I found a table, under the gaze of the other writers who were already set up. I noticed they all had table cloths, really good quality ones. Oops! I scrambled back to my car and, luckily, I had a Dollar Store tablecloth in my truck, leftover from Wednesday's workshop. It would have to do. I finished setting up my table and acknowledged my neighbours, the ten sets of eyes sitting across from me. I felt like such a newbie. My sign was way too big. Everyone else was way more discreet. I felt like a nouveau riche surrounded by people who came from old money. "One of these things is not like the others". I stayed, I met interesting people, made excellent connections and now have one small press fair under my belt. It turns out that many of the people around my table were also new to this. Everyone was nice and supportive. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Now, I am writing a book for women, The Mommy Monologues. I am interviewing mothers from every walk of life. I have written a quarter of it already. I am humbled and moved by the tremendous stories of love and courage that these mothers are sharing with me. I used to be an art therapist who also liked to write. As time goes on, more people introduce me as a writer who is also an art therapist.  I was thinking about this on the weekend. I felt like an imposter. I didn't study English literature, I'm never sure if my grammar and punctuation are acceptable, English isn't even my first language. I love to write and do it every day but I still feel like a liar when I say I'm a writer. I wondered what makes someone a writer. There are plenty of successful authors who did not have a background in English Literature. There is an equally impressive amount of people with an English degree who have yet to write anything. So, this leads me to my question: Am I a writer yet?

I feel like an art therapist who loves to write and does so to help people connect and heal. I proudly call myself an author because I have self-published books however, I still feel like a fraud if I call myself a writer. Perhaps this next book will be a game-changer for me. Who knows? For now, I am just enjoying the writing process, the therapeutic value in people telling their stories to someone who is hanging on their every word, the sense of hope and connection that women get from recognizing their story in someone else's narrative and, the pride I get for bringing these amazing women together in one book.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

The Lost Wardrobe

October 11th, 2016

Well, I think we all agree that Fall has come. The mornings are chilly and the evenings are just plain frigid. I am attending some training tomorrow. It's in Brockville and starts early in the morning so I decided to pull out my Winter wardrobe. I walked down to the basement. No tupperware boxes. I checked the barn, where I knew there was a black garbage bag full of tights, tops and dresses. Nothing.

My husband has been driving to the local charity, Lazarus House, throughout the Summer with bags of stuff. He has been de-cluttering his closet. We have donated piles of toys that our daughters have outgrown. However, I think he may have gotten over-zealous and grabbed stuff that wasn't meant for the donation bin, namely, My Entire Winter Wardrobe.

I told my husband that I seemed to be missing a season's worth of clothing. He scratched his head, swallowed and asked me where this "wardrobe" was stored. He came with me to double check the basement and the barn. He came to the same conclusion as I had a mere 10 minutes earlier. Yup, no clothing here.

So, here's the thing, I can just got to the store and get a few pairs of pants, a couple of sweaters and a handful of tights but, I don't buy a lot of clothing. I pick items I like and keep them for years. I am imagining various items that I loved to wear. My favourite colourful dresses, my funky tights, my cozy sweaters. It's sad, like a photo album burned up in a fire.

The other thing is I am chunkier than I used to be and some of those items were my motivation to lose the weight. I wanted to fit into the colourful pants, that tulip shaped skirt. Those were my measuring stick. Have I lost weight? Let me try on those pants. Nope, still too tight. I feel like I have lost a whole section of my identity. I know it's only clothing and people have real problems and this is NOT a serious problem but it feels like a loss.

I can go shopping but I want my old clothes back. The shirt with a tiny stain from my daughter's spit up. The dress I wore to my art therapy interview. The pants I bought in Montreal in that cool shop on St-Denis that smells of incense.

I guess it's time for a fresh start. A new wardrobe with new memories. Clothing that fit me the way I am now. It just struck me that it's ironic that it is my Winter wardrobe that has disappeared since I visualize every day that I go away with my family every year to a warm destination for the entire Winter. Perhaps the Universe is listening to my request and preparing me for our departure. If my life is about to change and I won't be around for the Winter then bring it on but it better happen soon because it's getting cold.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Transgender Models

September 21st, 2016

A few days ago, I was having lunch with my husband in our favourite vietnamese restaurant. There is a huge television on the wall and usually, images of delicious food plays in the background as we eat. This week, they chose a different television channel. I believe the program that was playing was, The View. I don't normally watch television while I dine with my hubby but something caught my attention. This beautiful dark-skinned woman said something like: "They were asking for models, 6'2 and up, no one said I couldn't have a penis".

There were maybe three tables of clients in the restaurant. We were all paying attention at this point. The View was interviewing models from a transgender modelling agency. I thought this must be a new and innovative business but I looked it up when I got home and there were at least four agencies focused solely on transgender models.

I know transgender issues have been in the news due to controversy regarding the use of public restrooms, however, I have encountered transgendered individuals as a teenager working in a Healthy Sexuality theatre program and, as an art therapist through my group work in high schools as well as in private practice. The individuals I met and worked with were kind, regular people who were extremely compassionate due to the judgment of others directed at them.

As a teenager, all you want is to fit in and be part of a group. You hunger for acceptance and you strive to express yourself authentically. If there's one thing teens hate it's bullshit (pardon my language). They can sniff a fake from a mile away. They really want to figure out who they are, express this to their surroundings and be accepted.

Transgendered individuals may feel trapped in the wrong body. They feel like a girl even though they have a male anatomy and are raised as a boy. They can also feel like a boy even though they are anatomically a girl. This creates inner conflict as they attempt to be authentic. When they try to explain to parents, siblings and friends that they feel like someone of the opposite gender, these loved ones have no previous experience to draw on and they don't know how to respond. In some families, the response is rejection and pressure to stay as they are, the gender that feels wrong to them.

Other transgendered individuals don't want to be identified as a gender. They don't fit into either box, trying to be categorized is painful and frustrating for them. They don't want to be referred to as male or female. They may want to be called, Them, instead of her or him. When we are doing art about this, I find it helpful to have my clients paint their essence, who they are inside. Poetry is also a great tool to give a voice to this inner self.

I was happy to see that some modelling agencies are embracing the beauty of all people. We are most beautiful when we are being true to ourselves. A few models who were being interviewed mentioned  feeling safer in their work as models while working for these agencies. They don't need to explain anything, the companies employing them already know they are transgender. This is a great way to embrace their individuality and provide role models for a wider range of teenagers. Just as we now have plus size models, black models, asian models as well as skinny, white models to reflect the diversity and beauty in our community, we can now show transgender individuals that they are represented and valued.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Male Role Models

September 7th, 2016

My husband and I were discussing the importance of strong and multiple male role models this morning. Both of our daughters have one male and one female teacher this year, a first. I am thrilled! I think we naturally have lots of female role models. Our caregivers are often women-stay-at-home moms, grandmas, aunts, cousins then, as we leave home, babysitters or daycare staff are mostly women, at school we have predominantly female teachers and, at the doctor or dentist's office, we see female receptionists, nurses and doctors.

Growing up, I didn't have a father. I was lucky that my grandfather retired when I was quite young so we spent a lot of time together, going to the park or visiting relatives. My grandfather was very quiet and polite. He always took his hat off in the presence of a lady and he had a wicked sense of humour. I also had an uncle who treated me like one of his own. He was hard working and successful. He grew up in a poor family and created his own wealth. I respected him for that. Finally, my Godfather became involved in my life as I started University. He is very intellectual and he liked to challenge me, teaching me to think for myself. He was a very spiritual man, not in a preachy way. Each of these men provided a role model. This was important because I ended up marrying a man with my Grandpa's sense of humour, my Uncle's work ethic and my Godfather's intellect.

My husband grew up without a positive male role model. He once told me the men in his family were weak. His father decided he didn't much like children once he'd had one. He was violent to his mom and neglected the children. When my husband saw his dad, he was visiting briefly, just long enough to beat his mom and get her pregnant. Then, he would disappear again. He decided from an early age to do the opposite of what his father had done. Whenever he is faced with a decision, he wonders what his father would do then he goes in the complete opposite direction. My husband had a strong female role mother, his grandmother. She taught him how it feels to be loved. He owes his confidence and success to her. She was a hard worker and he endeavoured to be just like her. That is how he came to be the successful entrepreneur that he is today. However, when he became my husband and, just over a year later, a father, he was lost. How does a husband behave on a daily basis? What do fathers do with their children? We have worked through this together. I wasn't much help because I didn't live with a man during my childhood. We made up our own routines and he developed his own way of fathering through trial and error.

I am happy that my daughters will have two more role models in their lives. Both male teachers have excellent reputations and are quite popular among students. They also have a third male teacher who has taught gym over the past two years but he only sees them for an hour, three times per week. Still, he is yet another example of what a man can be like. Our conversation this morning was about the impact of these teachers on the young boys at that school. There are so many boys growing up without a decent male role model. The father has left or was never around, the parents are divorced and the father gets little to no time them. These boys are surrounded by women at home, daycare and school. How can we expect them to grow into strong, confident young men if they have no guidance? I can just imagine how powerful an excellent male teacher can be to these young men.

Here's to all the teachers, male and female who become powerful templates for our children. Thank you!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Friendships

May 24th, 2016

What did you do over the long weekend? We had amazing weather! We seem to have suddenly fallen into summer. We ate outdoors and the trampoline got plenty of use and, we hung out at Baxter's Beach for the first time this season. The Ice Cream Float was out, that is the name of a boat. It belongs to a super sweet man who crosses the river from his home to Baxter's Beach in his boat in order to sell ice cream to hoards of overheated and eagerly awaiting children. The beach is my zone and I could spend the entire day (my whole life) there. My children usually want to go home after a few hours. Sigh!

I was thinking about friendships over the weekend. My youngest daughter had her friend Ruby over to the house. They are both seven years old and were so excited to spend time together. They created masterpieces at our dining room table then had some lunch while watching Teen Titans. They spent a good 30 minutes on the trampoline then I challenged them with a treasure hunt. They had to jump rope, pick flowers from our property, do somersaults across the lawn, race on bouncy balls and swing to another galaxy on our swing set. They played with dolls for a while then they drew with chalk on the back deck. They were having a great time. By the time Ruby's Mom came over to pick her up, Ruby wanted to sleep over. My daughters and her had planned their whole evening while they drew flowers and rainbows all over the deck. When her mother said no, Ruby was very disappointed. My eldest daughter is 10 years old but she had played with my youngest and her friend and they had quickly bonded. I truly enjoyed our day. I love being around young ones because they are in the moment, savouring each activity, participating fully. They love each other so deeply and their friendships are so precious. It's really heartwarming.

That evening, my husband set out to meet a friend of his who was visiting from Norway. They have been friends for a long time. They don't see each other often, due to distance, but when they spend time together it's as if no time has elapsed. They both had children later in life and married in the same year. Becoming fathers has changed them both, deepening their friendship. He came home the next morning seeming happier and even more appreciative of our daughters. I caught a glimpse of him holding our youngest daughter, smiling, content.

My husband has also developed a new relationship recently with the father of one of our eldest daughter's friends. They both love music and beer and they are like two children when they get together, joking, excited and happy. This has been a great friendship for them. They go out every two weeks on their "Bro-date". I can tell they look forward to it and they both get something out of it. I am glad that they have found each other.

I meet a friend of mine every week. We go for walks and we talk about our lives, our challenges, our aspirations and the really cool people we have met. I look forward to our walks because it is great exercise for me and I feel great afterwards. However, I mostly enjoy our time together. Our conversations make me think and force me to view the world in a different way. Last week, another lady I had met through volunteering at my daughter's school asked if she could join us. I look forward to getting to know her. She is one of those people who has an open face, friendly, honest and kind. I am excited for this week's walk. I also stay in touch with friends from previous phases of my life. We catch up on Facebook, via e-mail or, if they are in Ottawa, we connect for coffee once in a while. Again, it feels as though no time has elapsed every time we meet.

Seeing my friends fills me up. I have more energy, I am more patient with my husband and children after a date with a friend and, I connect with different parts of myself through my friendships. Some friends are more intellectual, we will bounce ideas off one another and grow in awareness together. Other friends are silly and naughty and they teach me to relax and enjoy my life. My creative friends set me on fire. I leave our meet ups feeling energized and motivated to express myself in bold new ways.

I can see how my daughters learn about themselves through friendships as well. They learn to communicate, share and empathize. They feel special because this person wants to be their friend. They get a sense of belonging and they identify with what they have in common whether that's a love of gymnastics, a favourite colour or having long blond hair.

Friendships are so important for us as human beings. I wanted to celebrate the role of friendships in today's post. If you don't have a few close friends, participate in activities you enjoy in order to meet like-minded people. Don't be afraid to approach people and ask them if they'd like to grab a coffee or go for a walk. There are lots of fascinating people out there just waiting to be discovered, like you.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org