November 2nd, 2016
I think most of us would agree that we live in a democratic country and that we enjoy the freedom to dictate how our lives will be. We choose what we want to be "when we grow up" and where we want to live. We choose when to have sex and with whom. We now get to decide when we'd like to get married and whether or not we want to have children. We get to raise those children according to our values; breastfeed, bottle feed, take a year of maternity leave, go back to work, send our children to catholic school, pubic school, private school or, homeschool.
However, in many ways, we have very little control on a daily basis. The first thing that comes to mind is the election in the USA. Yes, people can choose between Clinton and Trump but neither of those candidates are particularly endearing. What if you don't like either candidate? You still have to vote for one of those two otherwise you are letting others decide for you who will run the country. Either way, it's going to be one of those two, you have no other choices.
Closer to home, a very cold season is approaching. Hydro is charging us way too much money to heat our homes but what are our options? Do we have alternatives? If you have loads of money, you can get solar panels or wind mills but these cost a lot of money and in this climate, they don't give you the reliability you need to keep your family cozy throughout this very long season. Therefore, you still need Hydro to a certain extent.
Want to watch television? There are hundreds of channels so you feel pretty lucky right? Why is it that you spend so much time channel surfing without finding the content you want to watch? You have a bunch of channels that are replicated and they offer you programming, perhaps what you want to watch, maybe not. If you call the cable company to inquire about your favourite program, you may find out that you need to pay for an add-on or that it's only available in the USA.
When tax time comes along, we all complain about the amount of our income that is snatched up by the government. Can we do anything about it? If you know are an accountant and you know the loopholes, you may save some money but the fact of the matter is, you keep working harder and the more you make, the more you lose in taxation. I recall looking at my pay stub as a college professor. I thought I was making a great income but it turns out I wasn't making much more than I did when I was a student. By the time, my benefits and pension were removed, I factored in the tax deductions, union fees and the cost of having my job, babysitter, parking, lunches etc.. and I realized that I was keeping very little of my hard earned money.
Living in a rural area means that you have less choice where to shop. I was looking for boots for my daughters. I had to drive into town to buy their boots because I couldn't get anything that fit my 8 year old in town. When I go out to supper with my husband, there aren't too many restaurants to choose from. We either drive out to Manotick or Merrickville or we stay in town and eat pub food.
We are praised for our health care system but many of the alternative services or products are not covered by insurance so if I choose to take fish oil for brain health I absorb the cost. If I use a chemical pill for the same purpose it will be covered. On the few occasions that I have called my doctor's office for an appointment when one of my daughters had an ear infection, they told me they had no appointments left for that day. They can't book me in for the next day, I have to call again the next morning to see if they can fit us in. When your child is in pain, you can't try to get in three days in a row, especially if the ear infection occurs on a Friday. You end up in the emergency room.
If your car breaks down and you take it in to the garage, chances are it won't be an easy, cheap fix. The cost of parts is often more expensive than the cost of labour. However, you pay for it because you need to get to work and there are no buses out here to go for groceries or take your kids to karate class or whatever else you need to do.
As I write, I am thinking to myself, Holy Anne, you are such a downer on this beautiful, sunny day. The reason I am writing about this is because I have had a few experiences lately that indicate to me that we may have more choices than we realize. We are generally a pretty passive people, we expect the status quo but we may not have to. It requires effort to research our options but it pays off big time.
Politically, we can do our homework and figure out what each candidate stands for, we can get involved and push for changes. We can be an instrument to raise awareness about important issues. Hydro is powerful because we have not reached the point where enough people can afford an alternative. I read about a company in Ottawa that sells and installs solar blinds, less expensive than panels but paired with a wood burning stove, geothermal system and energy efficient home, it may considerably affect our expenses. Check out www.krumperssolarsolutions.ca.
My husband and I visited a friend who has a Smart Tv box that plugs directly into the HDMI feed and streams television shows and movies from all over the world, way more choices than we get from our cable and, we are told, it only has a once in a lifetime cost. My husband was quite smitten with this system and found old movies and programs he wasn't able to find. It even had his mom's British shows available for when she comes over for her next visit. I think I know what will be on his Christmas list.
Using an informed, competent accountant who can help you make important decisions about where to invest your money all year, can make a huge difference when tax time rolls around. There may be tax credits that you are entitled to and that you don't know about. A good accountant knows and can guide you through this stressful process. When it comes to dining options, we need to support local talent when we find it. Had a great meal, discovered a gem of a restaurant? Tell everyone, use social media to spread the word so these businesses can be busy and stay busy. Comfort was an awesome restaurant with delicious food and a warm atmosphere but it shut down because it wasn't making enough money to sustain it, very sad.
Investing in your health, using alternative services, raising awareness about their effectiveness and recommending them to others is the best way to promote them and get them, eventually recognized by the powers that be. Massage therapists used to be one of those services not covered by insurance. Now they are. Also, when your mechanic gives you a quote re: the cost of fixing your car, ask for details about the piece that needs to be ordered. Look online for that piece and you'd be surprised how often you can order that exact piece, for half the price. You have just cut down the cost, more money in your pocket. We have more choices than we realize. The more we question and investigate, the more options open up for us.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Wednesday, 2 November 2016
Tuesday, 1 November 2016
Positive Changes Through Empowering Beliefs
November 1st, 2016
A few weeks ago, I saw a trailer for E-Motion, a documentary. It reveals how our emotions can make us sick. If we hang onto our emotions, they hold us back from realizing our full potential as human beings. We may repeat old patterns in our new relationships, sabotage promising career opportunities or fill our pantry with junk food when our intention was to fill our refrigerator with healthy produce. When we experience a strong negative experience or trauma, our emotions are stored in our body, locked in there until we learn to release them. Our bodies are therefore stuck in the past, convinced that we are still living under the same circumstances when we know consciously that we have moved on, that we are safe and that we can choose to live better lives.
I wasn't able to download the movie but I did check out one of the professionals featured in this documentary, Joe Dispenza. He has published a book titled, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. I discovered that he was a speaker on Ted Talks and I was able to listen to his speech. He explains that we have three brains; a thinking brain (our neocortex), a doing brain (the limbic system) and, a being brain (the cerebellum).
As we have experiences, meet new people, read books and listen to public speakers, our thinking brain creates new connections. Over time we learn something, our brain changes. The nerve cells that fire together as we process new information, form a network. These cells create a pattern of reactions. This new information will change your behaviour. Your five senses will process this new experience and release chemicals, attaching an emotion to it. We all do this in January when we start off the new year with great intentions. We promise to drink more water, eat lots of fruit and veggies and hit the gym three days a week. What happens?
When we are stressed, our bodies are out of balance. Our bodies believe our thoughts and more chemicals are released. Our bodies don't know if our thoughts are reflecting reality or not. "When we turn on the stress response and are unable to turn it off, we're headed for disease" says Dispenza.
Dispenza described a process called metacognition. This is what happens during mindful meditation. We are aware of our behaviour, observing it with detachment. This allows us to gain awareness and perceive what behaviours need to be modified if we are to live fuller lives. In order to change our behaviours and make better choices, we must silence old circuits, disband neural connections and create new ones.
As you change your patterns of thinking, the image you hold in your mind about your life, your relationships and your work is changed as are your intentions. When you introduce new connections, the old patterns will be threatened and attempt to sabotage these new links creating doubt in your mind with negative self-talk. However, if you consistently make choices and act according to the newer connections, the bond between neurones will strengthen and the old connections will dissolve. This requires much repetition. These new behaviours will set off positive chemicals leading to a sense of well-being. Once these new patterns become innate, they are integrated into your self-concept. They become a part of who you are.
Let's apply this. Pick an area of your life that is stressful; a relationship, your work or something about your self-image. In the centre of a page, write down the stressful relationship, thought or situation. Draw lines stemming from the centre, extending outward and at the end of each line, write a belief that is attached to this source of stress. Link situations from your past that may have contributed to the creation of these beliefs. Were you teased as a child? Did you feel rejected, like an outsider? Do you avoid meeting new people in order to protect yourself from rejection and pain? Once you recall a few situations that were painful and that shaped your negative beliefs about yourself, get very still and ask yourself where this experience is stored in your body. When you can visualize the wound, breathe through it and release it. You may need to cry or yell, breathe deeply many times, punch a pillow, paint a body outline and fill it with soothing colours, create a vision board of how your life would change if you surrendered this belief or talk it though with a trusted friend or therapist. Next step is my favourite, you decide what beliefs will replace the outdated ones. You support these beliefs with proof. Explore your life and come up with as much proof as possible that these new beliefs are valid. If this is challenging, ask a friend to help. Then, act as if you were a different person with empowering beliefs. As you act in ways that support your new self-image, it will become natural. You may need to fake it at first but you will eventually be living this new reality.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
A few weeks ago, I saw a trailer for E-Motion, a documentary. It reveals how our emotions can make us sick. If we hang onto our emotions, they hold us back from realizing our full potential as human beings. We may repeat old patterns in our new relationships, sabotage promising career opportunities or fill our pantry with junk food when our intention was to fill our refrigerator with healthy produce. When we experience a strong negative experience or trauma, our emotions are stored in our body, locked in there until we learn to release them. Our bodies are therefore stuck in the past, convinced that we are still living under the same circumstances when we know consciously that we have moved on, that we are safe and that we can choose to live better lives.
I wasn't able to download the movie but I did check out one of the professionals featured in this documentary, Joe Dispenza. He has published a book titled, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. I discovered that he was a speaker on Ted Talks and I was able to listen to his speech. He explains that we have three brains; a thinking brain (our neocortex), a doing brain (the limbic system) and, a being brain (the cerebellum).
As we have experiences, meet new people, read books and listen to public speakers, our thinking brain creates new connections. Over time we learn something, our brain changes. The nerve cells that fire together as we process new information, form a network. These cells create a pattern of reactions. This new information will change your behaviour. Your five senses will process this new experience and release chemicals, attaching an emotion to it. We all do this in January when we start off the new year with great intentions. We promise to drink more water, eat lots of fruit and veggies and hit the gym three days a week. What happens?
When we are stressed, our bodies are out of balance. Our bodies believe our thoughts and more chemicals are released. Our bodies don't know if our thoughts are reflecting reality or not. "When we turn on the stress response and are unable to turn it off, we're headed for disease" says Dispenza.
Dispenza described a process called metacognition. This is what happens during mindful meditation. We are aware of our behaviour, observing it with detachment. This allows us to gain awareness and perceive what behaviours need to be modified if we are to live fuller lives. In order to change our behaviours and make better choices, we must silence old circuits, disband neural connections and create new ones.
As you change your patterns of thinking, the image you hold in your mind about your life, your relationships and your work is changed as are your intentions. When you introduce new connections, the old patterns will be threatened and attempt to sabotage these new links creating doubt in your mind with negative self-talk. However, if you consistently make choices and act according to the newer connections, the bond between neurones will strengthen and the old connections will dissolve. This requires much repetition. These new behaviours will set off positive chemicals leading to a sense of well-being. Once these new patterns become innate, they are integrated into your self-concept. They become a part of who you are.
Let's apply this. Pick an area of your life that is stressful; a relationship, your work or something about your self-image. In the centre of a page, write down the stressful relationship, thought or situation. Draw lines stemming from the centre, extending outward and at the end of each line, write a belief that is attached to this source of stress. Link situations from your past that may have contributed to the creation of these beliefs. Were you teased as a child? Did you feel rejected, like an outsider? Do you avoid meeting new people in order to protect yourself from rejection and pain? Once you recall a few situations that were painful and that shaped your negative beliefs about yourself, get very still and ask yourself where this experience is stored in your body. When you can visualize the wound, breathe through it and release it. You may need to cry or yell, breathe deeply many times, punch a pillow, paint a body outline and fill it with soothing colours, create a vision board of how your life would change if you surrendered this belief or talk it though with a trusted friend or therapist. Next step is my favourite, you decide what beliefs will replace the outdated ones. You support these beliefs with proof. Explore your life and come up with as much proof as possible that these new beliefs are valid. If this is challenging, ask a friend to help. Then, act as if you were a different person with empowering beliefs. As you act in ways that support your new self-image, it will become natural. You may need to fake it at first but you will eventually be living this new reality.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 25 October 2016
Is it Aging or is it the Medication-When Health Care Fails Our Elderly
October 25th, 2016
We are excited to welcome my mother-in-law back into our home for the Holiday Season. We speak to her every week and she updates us on her preparations. She has purchased thermals because, being from London, she has heard about our nasty winters. Last time she came, we had looked into her medication. In my opinion, she was on too many medications and, upon researching the specific pills she was taking throughout the day, I realized that one of the pills was NOT indicated for someone with diabetes. She is a diabetic. We spoke to her pharmacist, got her an appointment with her doctor and, much to our dismay, they just added one more pill to her regimen. We were really discouraged. It's difficult to do anything from this far away.
She came, she had a great time, she went back and stayed in high spirits for months. Lately, however, our conversations were cut short because she was out of breath. She would either avoid my husband's calls or speak very briefly because she was too tired and out of breath. We became concerned. My husband asked her to go see a doctor. She would agree to it but, when he checked in the next day, she hadn't gone. As her health declined, he finally gave her an ultimatum: go or I will call an ambulance. She went. They diagnosed her with a lung infection and sent her home with antibiotics. She had a bad reaction to the antibiotics, throwing up, diarrhea, feeling weak and, still out of breath.
My husband explained that in the UK, the class system is still very much alive When her mother goes to the clinic for help, they don't assess her medication, listen to her concerns or follow-through with tests, they simply write a prescription and send her on her way. That is how she ended up with so many pills in one day. I think it was somewhere between 9 and 11 pills, some taken multiple times per day.
A friend of my mother-in-law, Lisa, contacted my husband. They had been communicating regarding their shared concerned for her health. My husband urged her to get his mother to the hospital. She took her to the Royal Free, a reputable hospital minutes away from her home. This is a teaching hospital, the very same one that saved my husband's brother three years ago when we all thought he was dying. It didn't take long for them to notice that my mother-in-law was jaundiced, that her breathing was laboured and that she had been misdiagnosed. She did NOT have a lung infection and, she was actually having a negative reaction to the antibiotics. What she did have was a clogged artery. Tests revealed that she was also anemic. Her white cell count was so low she required a blood transfusion. She was experiencing heart failure.
The doctors are taking really good care of her. She was in good spirits when we spoke this morning, feeling stronger, knowing she had been close to death and that she shouldn't have been too stubborn to go to the hospital in the first place. The doctors have taken her off all of her medications. They will be assessing her over the next week. My husband suggested that she enjoy her stay at the hospital, treating it like a hotel. I knew she was feeling better because, while we were Face Timing, she kept looking at the state of her hair in the computer. She's a tough cookie. I am happy that she is in good hands and will probably be in excellent health by the time she comes for a visit in December. However, it disgusts me that so many elderly like her are being overly medicated. Doctors stop listening to their clients. They rush through appointments, add medications to address the latest complaint without going any further in their investigation. "Oh well, she's just getting old", they say. What if she didn't have a friend or son who care about her and push her to get assessed? She would be like one of the many elderly who end up dead through complications caused by their medications, heart attack, stroke or being misdiagnosed.
Baby boomers are aging now and, as more of them go through this flawed health system, I just know they will shake things up. This level of care is unacceptable and inhumane. We need to return to the old days where physicians visited people in their homes and looked for the cause of the symptoms rather than cover them up with chemicals. I have faith in the boomers. Demand the best, accept nothing less.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
We are excited to welcome my mother-in-law back into our home for the Holiday Season. We speak to her every week and she updates us on her preparations. She has purchased thermals because, being from London, she has heard about our nasty winters. Last time she came, we had looked into her medication. In my opinion, she was on too many medications and, upon researching the specific pills she was taking throughout the day, I realized that one of the pills was NOT indicated for someone with diabetes. She is a diabetic. We spoke to her pharmacist, got her an appointment with her doctor and, much to our dismay, they just added one more pill to her regimen. We were really discouraged. It's difficult to do anything from this far away.
She came, she had a great time, she went back and stayed in high spirits for months. Lately, however, our conversations were cut short because she was out of breath. She would either avoid my husband's calls or speak very briefly because she was too tired and out of breath. We became concerned. My husband asked her to go see a doctor. She would agree to it but, when he checked in the next day, she hadn't gone. As her health declined, he finally gave her an ultimatum: go or I will call an ambulance. She went. They diagnosed her with a lung infection and sent her home with antibiotics. She had a bad reaction to the antibiotics, throwing up, diarrhea, feeling weak and, still out of breath.
My husband explained that in the UK, the class system is still very much alive When her mother goes to the clinic for help, they don't assess her medication, listen to her concerns or follow-through with tests, they simply write a prescription and send her on her way. That is how she ended up with so many pills in one day. I think it was somewhere between 9 and 11 pills, some taken multiple times per day.
A friend of my mother-in-law, Lisa, contacted my husband. They had been communicating regarding their shared concerned for her health. My husband urged her to get his mother to the hospital. She took her to the Royal Free, a reputable hospital minutes away from her home. This is a teaching hospital, the very same one that saved my husband's brother three years ago when we all thought he was dying. It didn't take long for them to notice that my mother-in-law was jaundiced, that her breathing was laboured and that she had been misdiagnosed. She did NOT have a lung infection and, she was actually having a negative reaction to the antibiotics. What she did have was a clogged artery. Tests revealed that she was also anemic. Her white cell count was so low she required a blood transfusion. She was experiencing heart failure.
The doctors are taking really good care of her. She was in good spirits when we spoke this morning, feeling stronger, knowing she had been close to death and that she shouldn't have been too stubborn to go to the hospital in the first place. The doctors have taken her off all of her medications. They will be assessing her over the next week. My husband suggested that she enjoy her stay at the hospital, treating it like a hotel. I knew she was feeling better because, while we were Face Timing, she kept looking at the state of her hair in the computer. She's a tough cookie. I am happy that she is in good hands and will probably be in excellent health by the time she comes for a visit in December. However, it disgusts me that so many elderly like her are being overly medicated. Doctors stop listening to their clients. They rush through appointments, add medications to address the latest complaint without going any further in their investigation. "Oh well, she's just getting old", they say. What if she didn't have a friend or son who care about her and push her to get assessed? She would be like one of the many elderly who end up dead through complications caused by their medications, heart attack, stroke or being misdiagnosed.
Baby boomers are aging now and, as more of them go through this flawed health system, I just know they will shake things up. This level of care is unacceptable and inhumane. We need to return to the old days where physicians visited people in their homes and looked for the cause of the symptoms rather than cover them up with chemicals. I have faith in the boomers. Demand the best, accept nothing less.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 11 October 2016
The Lost Wardrobe
October 11th, 2016
Well, I think we all agree that Fall has come. The mornings are chilly and the evenings are just plain frigid. I am attending some training tomorrow. It's in Brockville and starts early in the morning so I decided to pull out my Winter wardrobe. I walked down to the basement. No tupperware boxes. I checked the barn, where I knew there was a black garbage bag full of tights, tops and dresses. Nothing.
My husband has been driving to the local charity, Lazarus House, throughout the Summer with bags of stuff. He has been de-cluttering his closet. We have donated piles of toys that our daughters have outgrown. However, I think he may have gotten over-zealous and grabbed stuff that wasn't meant for the donation bin, namely, My Entire Winter Wardrobe.
I told my husband that I seemed to be missing a season's worth of clothing. He scratched his head, swallowed and asked me where this "wardrobe" was stored. He came with me to double check the basement and the barn. He came to the same conclusion as I had a mere 10 minutes earlier. Yup, no clothing here.
So, here's the thing, I can just got to the store and get a few pairs of pants, a couple of sweaters and a handful of tights but, I don't buy a lot of clothing. I pick items I like and keep them for years. I am imagining various items that I loved to wear. My favourite colourful dresses, my funky tights, my cozy sweaters. It's sad, like a photo album burned up in a fire.
The other thing is I am chunkier than I used to be and some of those items were my motivation to lose the weight. I wanted to fit into the colourful pants, that tulip shaped skirt. Those were my measuring stick. Have I lost weight? Let me try on those pants. Nope, still too tight. I feel like I have lost a whole section of my identity. I know it's only clothing and people have real problems and this is NOT a serious problem but it feels like a loss.
I can go shopping but I want my old clothes back. The shirt with a tiny stain from my daughter's spit up. The dress I wore to my art therapy interview. The pants I bought in Montreal in that cool shop on St-Denis that smells of incense.
I guess it's time for a fresh start. A new wardrobe with new memories. Clothing that fit me the way I am now. It just struck me that it's ironic that it is my Winter wardrobe that has disappeared since I visualize every day that I go away with my family every year to a warm destination for the entire Winter. Perhaps the Universe is listening to my request and preparing me for our departure. If my life is about to change and I won't be around for the Winter then bring it on but it better happen soon because it's getting cold.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Well, I think we all agree that Fall has come. The mornings are chilly and the evenings are just plain frigid. I am attending some training tomorrow. It's in Brockville and starts early in the morning so I decided to pull out my Winter wardrobe. I walked down to the basement. No tupperware boxes. I checked the barn, where I knew there was a black garbage bag full of tights, tops and dresses. Nothing.
My husband has been driving to the local charity, Lazarus House, throughout the Summer with bags of stuff. He has been de-cluttering his closet. We have donated piles of toys that our daughters have outgrown. However, I think he may have gotten over-zealous and grabbed stuff that wasn't meant for the donation bin, namely, My Entire Winter Wardrobe.
I told my husband that I seemed to be missing a season's worth of clothing. He scratched his head, swallowed and asked me where this "wardrobe" was stored. He came with me to double check the basement and the barn. He came to the same conclusion as I had a mere 10 minutes earlier. Yup, no clothing here.
So, here's the thing, I can just got to the store and get a few pairs of pants, a couple of sweaters and a handful of tights but, I don't buy a lot of clothing. I pick items I like and keep them for years. I am imagining various items that I loved to wear. My favourite colourful dresses, my funky tights, my cozy sweaters. It's sad, like a photo album burned up in a fire.
The other thing is I am chunkier than I used to be and some of those items were my motivation to lose the weight. I wanted to fit into the colourful pants, that tulip shaped skirt. Those were my measuring stick. Have I lost weight? Let me try on those pants. Nope, still too tight. I feel like I have lost a whole section of my identity. I know it's only clothing and people have real problems and this is NOT a serious problem but it feels like a loss.
I can go shopping but I want my old clothes back. The shirt with a tiny stain from my daughter's spit up. The dress I wore to my art therapy interview. The pants I bought in Montreal in that cool shop on St-Denis that smells of incense.
I guess it's time for a fresh start. A new wardrobe with new memories. Clothing that fit me the way I am now. It just struck me that it's ironic that it is my Winter wardrobe that has disappeared since I visualize every day that I go away with my family every year to a warm destination for the entire Winter. Perhaps the Universe is listening to my request and preparing me for our departure. If my life is about to change and I won't be around for the Winter then bring it on but it better happen soon because it's getting cold.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 30 September 2016
Resisting Healthy Choices
September 30th 2016
I walked into my husband's shop this afternoon, his client's daughter was talking about her career. She is a dietician and nutritionist but she is having doubts about her decision to commit to this line of work. She is fit and devoted to leading a healthy lifestyle. However, she finds it frustrating when she consults with clients who need to make some changes in their eating patterns but don't want to give up any of the unhealthy foods they eat. She can provide the tools for a healthier future but if they nod their head then get in line at McDs when they leave her office, there is no point. It angers her that people aren't willing to make sacrifices when it comes to their health. This is a high priority for her and she can't imagine how people can keep making poor choices when they know their health is in jeopardy.
Our conversation turned to exercise. Her background is in dance and she is now learning pole fitness. I told her I loved Zumba but there are no classes offered for mothers and their children or, during school hours for mothers on their own. I don't understand why Zumba classes, which are mostly populated with moms who are trying to shed their belly fat, are offered at times when moms are busy with their children. This client was telling me that pole fitness is great for people like myself who enjoy dancing but, while Zumba is mostly cardio, pole fitness works your muscles and core leading to more muscle definition. Sounds good to me! No pole dancing out here in Kemptville though :)
What we do have is an event at St-Micheal's High School tomorrow from 9am to 3pm. It;s called Commit to Fit and, as far as I know, it's a sampler of various types of exercise. You can see what local professionals have to offer by trying their exercise. I'll know more by tomorrow evening. I asked my poor mom to be here for 9am which means she needs to leave her home in Ottawa by 8am. I appreciate that she can be here with my children while I go workout and learn about my options. Many moms don't have anyone to watch the children. I'm sure they wish they wish they could attend this event as well. I feel very fortunate that she is here to support me.
I was going to a gym for a while. I even got a trainer. However, every time we met and I learned new moves, I would get injured. At first, she set up the treadmill and programmed it so it had a sharp incline. Before long, I had shin splints, very painful. When I went in on my own, I just walked on the flat surface, a good workout without any injuries. Then I asked her to focus on my arms. She had me pumping 10lbs on either side while on my back. It was strenuous but I imagined how toned my arms would be when I was done. I pulled a muscle and had to go to physic. It hurt when I breathed and I had limited range of movement. Lastly, I have an injury to my pelvic bone from childbirth. An osteopath recommended I steer clear of exercises that put pressure on that area. I brought this up as she led me to the machine where you push your legs together then apart against weights. I informed her that the osteopath told me the days of doing these types of exercises were over. She still introduced one into my workout.
Finding the right fit is challenging. You want to exercise so you are healthier, feel energized and look amazing. However, you need to find the correct type of exercise so that you enjoy your workouts and look forward to them. It helps to be in a supportive environment, to click with classmates or your trainer. Having options at times that work for you can be the most difficult part. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will find Zumba or Pole fitness classes during the day, close to Kemptville. Then, let the fun begin!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I walked into my husband's shop this afternoon, his client's daughter was talking about her career. She is a dietician and nutritionist but she is having doubts about her decision to commit to this line of work. She is fit and devoted to leading a healthy lifestyle. However, she finds it frustrating when she consults with clients who need to make some changes in their eating patterns but don't want to give up any of the unhealthy foods they eat. She can provide the tools for a healthier future but if they nod their head then get in line at McDs when they leave her office, there is no point. It angers her that people aren't willing to make sacrifices when it comes to their health. This is a high priority for her and she can't imagine how people can keep making poor choices when they know their health is in jeopardy.
Our conversation turned to exercise. Her background is in dance and she is now learning pole fitness. I told her I loved Zumba but there are no classes offered for mothers and their children or, during school hours for mothers on their own. I don't understand why Zumba classes, which are mostly populated with moms who are trying to shed their belly fat, are offered at times when moms are busy with their children. This client was telling me that pole fitness is great for people like myself who enjoy dancing but, while Zumba is mostly cardio, pole fitness works your muscles and core leading to more muscle definition. Sounds good to me! No pole dancing out here in Kemptville though :)
What we do have is an event at St-Micheal's High School tomorrow from 9am to 3pm. It;s called Commit to Fit and, as far as I know, it's a sampler of various types of exercise. You can see what local professionals have to offer by trying their exercise. I'll know more by tomorrow evening. I asked my poor mom to be here for 9am which means she needs to leave her home in Ottawa by 8am. I appreciate that she can be here with my children while I go workout and learn about my options. Many moms don't have anyone to watch the children. I'm sure they wish they wish they could attend this event as well. I feel very fortunate that she is here to support me.
I was going to a gym for a while. I even got a trainer. However, every time we met and I learned new moves, I would get injured. At first, she set up the treadmill and programmed it so it had a sharp incline. Before long, I had shin splints, very painful. When I went in on my own, I just walked on the flat surface, a good workout without any injuries. Then I asked her to focus on my arms. She had me pumping 10lbs on either side while on my back. It was strenuous but I imagined how toned my arms would be when I was done. I pulled a muscle and had to go to physic. It hurt when I breathed and I had limited range of movement. Lastly, I have an injury to my pelvic bone from childbirth. An osteopath recommended I steer clear of exercises that put pressure on that area. I brought this up as she led me to the machine where you push your legs together then apart against weights. I informed her that the osteopath told me the days of doing these types of exercises were over. She still introduced one into my workout.
Finding the right fit is challenging. You want to exercise so you are healthier, feel energized and look amazing. However, you need to find the correct type of exercise so that you enjoy your workouts and look forward to them. It helps to be in a supportive environment, to click with classmates or your trainer. Having options at times that work for you can be the most difficult part. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will find Zumba or Pole fitness classes during the day, close to Kemptville. Then, let the fun begin!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 9 September 2016
My Speech for Teens
September 9th, 2016
For years, this was a busy time of the year for me, not just because my own children were starting school but because I was a College professor and I was also launching a semester with a brand new group of students. I loved teaching the psychology and leadership classes. I endeavoured to create opportunities for these young adults to formulate their opinions and defend them when others opposed them. There was a mix of students from rural communities, foreign students, some from rich backgrounds, others from poor neighbourhoods. What a fabulous opportunity to open their eyes to diversity.
I now offer stress management workshops in high schools and youth centres. We talk about the pressures of social media to NOT do something stupid because these days, your mistakes are well documented and still on the internet years later. When someone texts you, you feel that you must respond immediately. There is no room for contemplation or delayed reaction. You can't be too busy to bother with your text, Facebook or Messenger. Your iPhone is on you at all times so it is assumed that you know the instant that someone has pinged you and if you don't reply, you must be ignoring that person. Many conflicts stem from unrealistic expectations and miscommunications. I hear so much about the multiple pressures affecting today's teens. They have access to too much information, they have too many choices, they have no time as the responsibilities of school, family, friends and work are compounded. There is no down time. They are always on and accessible even if they don't want to be.
One of the common mistakes according to grade 11 students is the pressure to pick a career. They are expected to orchestrate electives and field placements in grade 12 to reflect their future vocation. Many of them have no clue what they want to do after high school. They are not sure who they are, what they like and, what is available. We all know about careers like becoming a doctor, lawyer, veterinarian, teacher, astronaut, police officer etc but this is not an exclusive list. There are so many options that you don't hear about until you are out of school, living your life. I think a huge responsibility we have as parents is to be open and receptive to our children's talents and interests so we can empower them to gain experience in activities they enjoy. This provides a sense of identity, mastery and belonging to our children. It also exposes them to a potential area of employment for the future. Once you find a few activities you truly enjoy, this leads you to other related activities. You decide what you did or didn't like about a certain activity and sometimes you discover something similar that you like even more. This incremental approach is a much smoother and less stressful process than simply demanding that students choose among the limited options they are aware of at that moment.
When I worked as a College professor, I desperately wanted to change our curriculum so that students spent a minimum amount of time in class taking notes. My vision was to do a thorough intake interview with students to uncover their goals, aspirations, strengths, interests etc. Then contact partners of our program to organize a field placement for the entire semester. Each placement site would be chosen specifically to suit the career goals of our students. We would have course notes online every week. The students would be tested on site to ensure they had mastered these skills. Having to put new skills into practise would demonstrate their ability to function in a real work environment. There are plenty of students who can describe the procedural steps required to complete a task but when they are at their placement site, they are not able to demonstrate this skill. Feedback from placement supervisors would help students improve and gain awareness regarding their particular strengths and areas of improvement. Right now, we force everyone to take the same courses and that results in low retention. The good workers are hired by placement sites, affecting their attendance and overall success in the program. Learning online and through carefully selected placements is the way of the future.
If you are a student, feeling the pressure, confused about where to go, what to do and how to get there, here is my advice to you:
This is your life. Forget the opinions and expectations of others. If you try to do what someone else wants, chances are you won't succeed and they will be disappointed in you. Figure out who you are with these questions:
Do you like being outdoors or indoors?
Do you enjoy having a routine and repeating tasks every day?
Are you a social person who likes to be around people or do you prefer animals, paperwork, art, computers?
Are you good at working with your hands?
Do you thrive in a high stress environment?
Are you adventurous?
Do you like to travel? If so, what kinds of destinations are of interest to you?
Do you have a special talent, something that comes easily to you?
Are you a loner or do you find meaning in working with a team?
What is your ideal dress code, (at home in your pjs, in your swim suit on a beach, in snow pants on a ski slope, jeans and a t-shirt or business suit)?
What kind of people do you enjoy spending time with on a daily basis (snooty, party animals, humanitarians), intellectuals, down-to-earth people?
Do you want to make a difference or just enjoy yourself?
Are you compassionate and intuitive?
Are you creative?
Do you prefer leading or following?
Are you organized and methodical?
Do you know someone who already has your ideal job? Can you contact this person to find out how they got the job and what steps you need to take to get there?
What is more important to you, money or meaning?
Is there a cause that is important to you (environment, addiction, mental health, child development, at-risk youth. advocacy for older adults)?
The more you get to know yourself, the easier it will be for you to find opportunities that match your skill-set. Get involved in your community, take classes, volunteer, join groups, read the local paper. These help you meet people who may lead to opportunities, insights or referrals in the future. By volunteering, you learn skills, you gain experience on the workforce, confidence in yourself and you develop a work ethic. This gives you an advantage over other people your age.
It's ok to not know what you want to do. As long as you are out there gaining experience you will start to discover what you like. If you are a good worker, there will be opportunities coming your way. Take advantage of them because they propel you forwards and result in an impressive resume. At some point down the line, you will find your niche. You will feel satisfied and become quite competent. This may be your life long career or you may eventually change directions and end up somewhere else. It doesn't matter. If you wait to know exactly what you want, you may never get started and you could be pursuing a path that turns out to be a disappointment. Follow your passion, work hard and don't be afraid to take risks. There will always be people to tell you what you should or can't do. They are expressing their opinions. Look at their life, are they fulfilled and happy? If not, it's best to just go with your gut and keep moving. Good luck to you!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
For years, this was a busy time of the year for me, not just because my own children were starting school but because I was a College professor and I was also launching a semester with a brand new group of students. I loved teaching the psychology and leadership classes. I endeavoured to create opportunities for these young adults to formulate their opinions and defend them when others opposed them. There was a mix of students from rural communities, foreign students, some from rich backgrounds, others from poor neighbourhoods. What a fabulous opportunity to open their eyes to diversity.
I now offer stress management workshops in high schools and youth centres. We talk about the pressures of social media to NOT do something stupid because these days, your mistakes are well documented and still on the internet years later. When someone texts you, you feel that you must respond immediately. There is no room for contemplation or delayed reaction. You can't be too busy to bother with your text, Facebook or Messenger. Your iPhone is on you at all times so it is assumed that you know the instant that someone has pinged you and if you don't reply, you must be ignoring that person. Many conflicts stem from unrealistic expectations and miscommunications. I hear so much about the multiple pressures affecting today's teens. They have access to too much information, they have too many choices, they have no time as the responsibilities of school, family, friends and work are compounded. There is no down time. They are always on and accessible even if they don't want to be.
One of the common mistakes according to grade 11 students is the pressure to pick a career. They are expected to orchestrate electives and field placements in grade 12 to reflect their future vocation. Many of them have no clue what they want to do after high school. They are not sure who they are, what they like and, what is available. We all know about careers like becoming a doctor, lawyer, veterinarian, teacher, astronaut, police officer etc but this is not an exclusive list. There are so many options that you don't hear about until you are out of school, living your life. I think a huge responsibility we have as parents is to be open and receptive to our children's talents and interests so we can empower them to gain experience in activities they enjoy. This provides a sense of identity, mastery and belonging to our children. It also exposes them to a potential area of employment for the future. Once you find a few activities you truly enjoy, this leads you to other related activities. You decide what you did or didn't like about a certain activity and sometimes you discover something similar that you like even more. This incremental approach is a much smoother and less stressful process than simply demanding that students choose among the limited options they are aware of at that moment.
When I worked as a College professor, I desperately wanted to change our curriculum so that students spent a minimum amount of time in class taking notes. My vision was to do a thorough intake interview with students to uncover their goals, aspirations, strengths, interests etc. Then contact partners of our program to organize a field placement for the entire semester. Each placement site would be chosen specifically to suit the career goals of our students. We would have course notes online every week. The students would be tested on site to ensure they had mastered these skills. Having to put new skills into practise would demonstrate their ability to function in a real work environment. There are plenty of students who can describe the procedural steps required to complete a task but when they are at their placement site, they are not able to demonstrate this skill. Feedback from placement supervisors would help students improve and gain awareness regarding their particular strengths and areas of improvement. Right now, we force everyone to take the same courses and that results in low retention. The good workers are hired by placement sites, affecting their attendance and overall success in the program. Learning online and through carefully selected placements is the way of the future.
If you are a student, feeling the pressure, confused about where to go, what to do and how to get there, here is my advice to you:
This is your life. Forget the opinions and expectations of others. If you try to do what someone else wants, chances are you won't succeed and they will be disappointed in you. Figure out who you are with these questions:
Do you like being outdoors or indoors?
Do you enjoy having a routine and repeating tasks every day?
Are you a social person who likes to be around people or do you prefer animals, paperwork, art, computers?
Are you good at working with your hands?
Do you thrive in a high stress environment?
Are you adventurous?
Do you like to travel? If so, what kinds of destinations are of interest to you?
Do you have a special talent, something that comes easily to you?
Are you a loner or do you find meaning in working with a team?
What is your ideal dress code, (at home in your pjs, in your swim suit on a beach, in snow pants on a ski slope, jeans and a t-shirt or business suit)?
What kind of people do you enjoy spending time with on a daily basis (snooty, party animals, humanitarians), intellectuals, down-to-earth people?
Do you want to make a difference or just enjoy yourself?
Are you compassionate and intuitive?
Are you creative?
Do you prefer leading or following?
Are you organized and methodical?
Do you know someone who already has your ideal job? Can you contact this person to find out how they got the job and what steps you need to take to get there?
What is more important to you, money or meaning?
Is there a cause that is important to you (environment, addiction, mental health, child development, at-risk youth. advocacy for older adults)?
The more you get to know yourself, the easier it will be for you to find opportunities that match your skill-set. Get involved in your community, take classes, volunteer, join groups, read the local paper. These help you meet people who may lead to opportunities, insights or referrals in the future. By volunteering, you learn skills, you gain experience on the workforce, confidence in yourself and you develop a work ethic. This gives you an advantage over other people your age.
It's ok to not know what you want to do. As long as you are out there gaining experience you will start to discover what you like. If you are a good worker, there will be opportunities coming your way. Take advantage of them because they propel you forwards and result in an impressive resume. At some point down the line, you will find your niche. You will feel satisfied and become quite competent. This may be your life long career or you may eventually change directions and end up somewhere else. It doesn't matter. If you wait to know exactly what you want, you may never get started and you could be pursuing a path that turns out to be a disappointment. Follow your passion, work hard and don't be afraid to take risks. There will always be people to tell you what you should or can't do. They are expressing their opinions. Look at their life, are they fulfilled and happy? If not, it's best to just go with your gut and keep moving. Good luck to you!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 8 September 2016
Religion and Spirituality
September 8th, 2016
My grandmother was never very religious. When her children were young, they would all go to Church on Sundays but as the children got older the tradition came to a halt. My grandfather gave a lot of money to the Church and he helped out every Sunday. One day he was battling a flu and didn't think he could go to mass. He didn't want to let the priest down so he had a bit of Brandy in milk before he left. He confessed to the priest that he had done this and, when the time came to receive communion, the priest refused to give my grandfather the Holy Host. He never went to Church after that.
Growing up, my mother did not talk about God. She wasn't a believer. We went to Church for a few years because my Aunt Mary and Uncle Paul would pick us up, take us to Sunday Service and treat us to a meal at the Ponderosa Steakhouse afterwards. We were poor and starving so we sat through Church in order to eat every Sunday. When their own son had children, Paul and Mary stopped coming to see us and our routine of attending Church ended.
In my first year of University, I was approached by Campus Crusade for Christ during orientation. They were asking students to fill in their contact information. The hallways were packed. I couldn't go anywhere and this woman with a kind face asked for my phone number. I took the paper thinking I would write the wrong number. To my surprise, I wrote the right one. Then I thought if I could walk forwards just a little bit, I could ball up my paper and throw it in the bin. The lady with the sweet face took the paper out of my hands. I figured I would just tell her I wasn't interested when she called. About eight weeks into the semester, I realized they hadn't called me yet, I was sort of miffed about it. I don't know why. When the call came, I agreed to meet with Laurie, the kind lady. I was curious.
She gave me a copy of the new testament and showed me the diagram of how I had been saved. She informed me that God had a plan for me and all I had to do was accept Jesus into my life. I read the entire New Testament and I became involved with Campus Crusade for a few years. The feeling of having a purpose, of being on the right track and belonging to a group appealed to me. I was on a mission. I met some great people and became quite spiritual. I tried going to Church but the Catholic Church sermons bored me. They were mechanical and the rituals felt empty. I went to a Pentecostal Church with Laurie. I enjoyed meeting her friends but the sermon did not move me. There was an Anglican Church close to the University. I tried it and it was my favourite. They served actual bread and wine during the service which felt more authentic. People lingered after the sermon to have coffee and dessert in the basement. I ended up in the kitchen cleaning dishes with a group of women. I didn't feel judged which was in sharp contrast to every other Church experience I'd ever had. The people there chatted, seeming happy to see one another. They weren't gossipy.
I was quite religious for a few years. I took an elective in University on the religions of the world. Buddhism and Taoism intrigued me. Their statements were very philosophical and I could see their practical applications in everyday life. Over the years, I have come to my own understanding and mix of beliefs. I don't take my daughters to Church but I teach them to be kind to people. I talk about death and angels, energy and spirit. I answer their questions to the best of my ability and let them know that other people believe other things. I encourage them to think for themselves, ask questions, try out prayer, mediation, gratitude journals, yoga and communicating with their Guardian Angels.
It used to be if you didn't go to Church you went to Hell, everyone knew and feared it. This resulted in watching each other, judging one another and being hypocritical to convince others that we were a righteous disciple. The Church can be a great place for some where they feel welcomed, take comfort in the rituals and spend time communing with God, family and community. However, more than ever now, people are turning away from the rigidity of religion. They are either deciding to believe in nothing or science or, to develop their own mix of spirituality, borrowing from different belief systems.
I still consider myself to be a spiritual person. I believe that we are all here for a reason, that people and situations are in our lives for a reason and that synchronicity exists to let us know we are on the right track. I pray for help or guidance before I meet with clients or if I am struggling in my personal life. I meditate and keep a gratitude log in my journal. I do my best to be kind and to help others when I have the opportunity to do so. Each religion promotes love and kindness, the only difference is in how this is expressed. The saddest thing ever is when two individuals fight over their beliefs and harm one another. I love that we live in a country where we can decide what to believe and still be friends with others who have different spiritual convictions. Go with whatever makes you a calmer, more loving and fulfilled person.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
My grandmother was never very religious. When her children were young, they would all go to Church on Sundays but as the children got older the tradition came to a halt. My grandfather gave a lot of money to the Church and he helped out every Sunday. One day he was battling a flu and didn't think he could go to mass. He didn't want to let the priest down so he had a bit of Brandy in milk before he left. He confessed to the priest that he had done this and, when the time came to receive communion, the priest refused to give my grandfather the Holy Host. He never went to Church after that.
Growing up, my mother did not talk about God. She wasn't a believer. We went to Church for a few years because my Aunt Mary and Uncle Paul would pick us up, take us to Sunday Service and treat us to a meal at the Ponderosa Steakhouse afterwards. We were poor and starving so we sat through Church in order to eat every Sunday. When their own son had children, Paul and Mary stopped coming to see us and our routine of attending Church ended.
In my first year of University, I was approached by Campus Crusade for Christ during orientation. They were asking students to fill in their contact information. The hallways were packed. I couldn't go anywhere and this woman with a kind face asked for my phone number. I took the paper thinking I would write the wrong number. To my surprise, I wrote the right one. Then I thought if I could walk forwards just a little bit, I could ball up my paper and throw it in the bin. The lady with the sweet face took the paper out of my hands. I figured I would just tell her I wasn't interested when she called. About eight weeks into the semester, I realized they hadn't called me yet, I was sort of miffed about it. I don't know why. When the call came, I agreed to meet with Laurie, the kind lady. I was curious.
She gave me a copy of the new testament and showed me the diagram of how I had been saved. She informed me that God had a plan for me and all I had to do was accept Jesus into my life. I read the entire New Testament and I became involved with Campus Crusade for a few years. The feeling of having a purpose, of being on the right track and belonging to a group appealed to me. I was on a mission. I met some great people and became quite spiritual. I tried going to Church but the Catholic Church sermons bored me. They were mechanical and the rituals felt empty. I went to a Pentecostal Church with Laurie. I enjoyed meeting her friends but the sermon did not move me. There was an Anglican Church close to the University. I tried it and it was my favourite. They served actual bread and wine during the service which felt more authentic. People lingered after the sermon to have coffee and dessert in the basement. I ended up in the kitchen cleaning dishes with a group of women. I didn't feel judged which was in sharp contrast to every other Church experience I'd ever had. The people there chatted, seeming happy to see one another. They weren't gossipy.
I was quite religious for a few years. I took an elective in University on the religions of the world. Buddhism and Taoism intrigued me. Their statements were very philosophical and I could see their practical applications in everyday life. Over the years, I have come to my own understanding and mix of beliefs. I don't take my daughters to Church but I teach them to be kind to people. I talk about death and angels, energy and spirit. I answer their questions to the best of my ability and let them know that other people believe other things. I encourage them to think for themselves, ask questions, try out prayer, mediation, gratitude journals, yoga and communicating with their Guardian Angels.
It used to be if you didn't go to Church you went to Hell, everyone knew and feared it. This resulted in watching each other, judging one another and being hypocritical to convince others that we were a righteous disciple. The Church can be a great place for some where they feel welcomed, take comfort in the rituals and spend time communing with God, family and community. However, more than ever now, people are turning away from the rigidity of religion. They are either deciding to believe in nothing or science or, to develop their own mix of spirituality, borrowing from different belief systems.
I still consider myself to be a spiritual person. I believe that we are all here for a reason, that people and situations are in our lives for a reason and that synchronicity exists to let us know we are on the right track. I pray for help or guidance before I meet with clients or if I am struggling in my personal life. I meditate and keep a gratitude log in my journal. I do my best to be kind and to help others when I have the opportunity to do so. Each religion promotes love and kindness, the only difference is in how this is expressed. The saddest thing ever is when two individuals fight over their beliefs and harm one another. I love that we live in a country where we can decide what to believe and still be friends with others who have different spiritual convictions. Go with whatever makes you a calmer, more loving and fulfilled person.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 29 June 2016
Failure
June 29th, 2016
From a very young age, we learn to compare ourselves to others. Are we taller, a faster runner, more popular, smarter than our peers? At school, we are rewarded for understanding quickly and repeating what we have learned. As we grow up, our parents, the media and community bombard us with messages regarding what it means to be successful. We might go to school longer to become the professionals our parents want us to be. We might work long hours to buy the big house and the ultra expensive sports car. We may use credit cards to pay for holidays we can't afford. We do this to look and feel successful.
In my work, I see people who are struggling with a sense of failure. After a divorce, many women feel like they have failed. Some will say that they should have left years earlier but they feared what others would say and think.
Mothers with teenagers come and see me because they feel that they have failed as a mother. Their previously loving and affectionate daughters no longer speak to them. Everything the moms say or do to bridge the gap that is ever widening only creates conflict. Their child is acting up and they fear that it's all their fault.
When clients come into my studio after they have been laid off, they are feeling shocked and disoriented. They climbed that social ladder and reached an acceptable status. When they suddenly find themselves further down the ladder, they feel like they have failed. It is a blow to their self-esteem.
We learn to avoid failure at all costs but failing is essential to our growth. We are here to experience life. If we fear participating in life because we don't ever want to fail, we end up not reaching our full potential. A comfortable life is not challenging therefore we don't learn anything new about others, about life and about ourselves.
When we fail, we get to receive love and support from our friends and family. These experiences show us who our true friends are and strengthen our relationships. Failing shuts doors so we might explore new avenues we never would have considered otherwise. When we fail in business, it can redirect us to a second career that is more compatible with our personality.
You don't know what you are capable of until you have experienced hardship. When you reach rock bottom, you have a choice-give up or get back up. What you decide teaches you something about your character. Failing also makes you more compassionate. When others are struggling, you can relate, you've been there. You know what others did that helped you pull through and you recall the things people said or did that just made it worst. This prepares you to support others to the best of your abilities.
If you have recently failed at something, ask yourself these questions:
1-On a scale of 1-10, how important will this seem to me in ten years from now? Will I still care?
2-What does this failure mean to me? What does it represent?
3-What story am I creating about this failure and where did this story originate?
4-Is this part of a pattern? Have I been here before? When did this pattern start? What needs healing?
5-How can I love myself today? What simple act of self-care can I perform to support myself?
6-What is the message in this failure? What is it meant to teach me?
7-Is there anything in my control that I can do to move forward today?
8-Who are the people I can reach out to, who love and support me?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
From a very young age, we learn to compare ourselves to others. Are we taller, a faster runner, more popular, smarter than our peers? At school, we are rewarded for understanding quickly and repeating what we have learned. As we grow up, our parents, the media and community bombard us with messages regarding what it means to be successful. We might go to school longer to become the professionals our parents want us to be. We might work long hours to buy the big house and the ultra expensive sports car. We may use credit cards to pay for holidays we can't afford. We do this to look and feel successful.
In my work, I see people who are struggling with a sense of failure. After a divorce, many women feel like they have failed. Some will say that they should have left years earlier but they feared what others would say and think.
Mothers with teenagers come and see me because they feel that they have failed as a mother. Their previously loving and affectionate daughters no longer speak to them. Everything the moms say or do to bridge the gap that is ever widening only creates conflict. Their child is acting up and they fear that it's all their fault.
When clients come into my studio after they have been laid off, they are feeling shocked and disoriented. They climbed that social ladder and reached an acceptable status. When they suddenly find themselves further down the ladder, they feel like they have failed. It is a blow to their self-esteem.
We learn to avoid failure at all costs but failing is essential to our growth. We are here to experience life. If we fear participating in life because we don't ever want to fail, we end up not reaching our full potential. A comfortable life is not challenging therefore we don't learn anything new about others, about life and about ourselves.
When we fail, we get to receive love and support from our friends and family. These experiences show us who our true friends are and strengthen our relationships. Failing shuts doors so we might explore new avenues we never would have considered otherwise. When we fail in business, it can redirect us to a second career that is more compatible with our personality.
You don't know what you are capable of until you have experienced hardship. When you reach rock bottom, you have a choice-give up or get back up. What you decide teaches you something about your character. Failing also makes you more compassionate. When others are struggling, you can relate, you've been there. You know what others did that helped you pull through and you recall the things people said or did that just made it worst. This prepares you to support others to the best of your abilities.
If you have recently failed at something, ask yourself these questions:
1-On a scale of 1-10, how important will this seem to me in ten years from now? Will I still care?
2-What does this failure mean to me? What does it represent?
3-What story am I creating about this failure and where did this story originate?
4-Is this part of a pattern? Have I been here before? When did this pattern start? What needs healing?
5-How can I love myself today? What simple act of self-care can I perform to support myself?
6-What is the message in this failure? What is it meant to teach me?
7-Is there anything in my control that I can do to move forward today?
8-Who are the people I can reach out to, who love and support me?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 9 June 2016
The Mommy Monologues?
June 9th, 2016
Yesterday, I went to Juice 97.5FM for an interview with Diana Fisher. We were promoting the book launch for my second children's book, The Story of Poobum and Pompom. This morning, I got to listen to the interview before I drove to the grocery store. I was proud of my interview because it gave me the opportunity to share the inspiration for the book, my own experience with my eldest daughter, Molly, when my youngest, Stella, was born. My intention in writing the book was to help other parents through this transition. It was such a challenging time for us as a family.
As I drove to the store, thinking about my life seven years ago and how far we have come, a title popped into my head, The Mommy Monologues. I remember when the Vagina Monologues just hit the stage. It was so controversial, women talking about their vaginas. Each vagina story revealed a different aspect of women- their femininity, sexuality, vulnerability, creativity and power. I was struck by how women struggle these days in their roles as mothers. Times have changed, women are liberated, they have so many choices-have a child, don't have a child, get married, don't get married, take maternity leave or return to work, work from home or work outside the home (just to name a few). You would think that would empower women but there is so much variety in the way we mother as well as judgment among moms.
Women may feel guilty if they wish to return to work soon after having their child. They may feel pressured to take the year off because they can. Others may want to stay home longer but need to return to work for financial reasons. The way we parent can be very different, the level of involvement, emotional availability and sharing, discipline, values, spiritual education of children etc. We have all these options but considerably less support during those important years of adjustment to our new role.
Becoming a parent changes you and it certainly impacts your relationship with your partner. We need more support as women in our important role as mothers. We also need more diversity in our stories and portrayals of mothers-working moms, stay-at-home moms, mothers with mental illnesses, mothers struggling with addictions or suffering through physical, emotional, sexual abuse, incarcerated mothers, mothers on welfare, moms with cancer, lesbian moms, adoptive moms, surrogate moms, step-moms, moms who never got to take their babies home-man there is so much richness just waiting to be harvested!
Wouldn't it be cool to have the Mommy Monologues, a play where a wide range of mothers get to share their story, something that will speak to each mother in the audience regardless of who she is and what she is going through, an experience that would breed compassion for every type of mom, celebrate our resilience and help others understand what mothering is like when your life is in a totally different reality.
I just had the title float through my mind today, it will simmer for a while until I can find a way to birth it and share it. This is a very exciting idea and I will savour it-its newness and potential, for just a while longer.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Yesterday, I went to Juice 97.5FM for an interview with Diana Fisher. We were promoting the book launch for my second children's book, The Story of Poobum and Pompom. This morning, I got to listen to the interview before I drove to the grocery store. I was proud of my interview because it gave me the opportunity to share the inspiration for the book, my own experience with my eldest daughter, Molly, when my youngest, Stella, was born. My intention in writing the book was to help other parents through this transition. It was such a challenging time for us as a family.
As I drove to the store, thinking about my life seven years ago and how far we have come, a title popped into my head, The Mommy Monologues. I remember when the Vagina Monologues just hit the stage. It was so controversial, women talking about their vaginas. Each vagina story revealed a different aspect of women- their femininity, sexuality, vulnerability, creativity and power. I was struck by how women struggle these days in their roles as mothers. Times have changed, women are liberated, they have so many choices-have a child, don't have a child, get married, don't get married, take maternity leave or return to work, work from home or work outside the home (just to name a few). You would think that would empower women but there is so much variety in the way we mother as well as judgment among moms.
Women may feel guilty if they wish to return to work soon after having their child. They may feel pressured to take the year off because they can. Others may want to stay home longer but need to return to work for financial reasons. The way we parent can be very different, the level of involvement, emotional availability and sharing, discipline, values, spiritual education of children etc. We have all these options but considerably less support during those important years of adjustment to our new role.
Becoming a parent changes you and it certainly impacts your relationship with your partner. We need more support as women in our important role as mothers. We also need more diversity in our stories and portrayals of mothers-working moms, stay-at-home moms, mothers with mental illnesses, mothers struggling with addictions or suffering through physical, emotional, sexual abuse, incarcerated mothers, mothers on welfare, moms with cancer, lesbian moms, adoptive moms, surrogate moms, step-moms, moms who never got to take their babies home-man there is so much richness just waiting to be harvested!
Wouldn't it be cool to have the Mommy Monologues, a play where a wide range of mothers get to share their story, something that will speak to each mother in the audience regardless of who she is and what she is going through, an experience that would breed compassion for every type of mom, celebrate our resilience and help others understand what mothering is like when your life is in a totally different reality.
I just had the title float through my mind today, it will simmer for a while until I can find a way to birth it and share it. This is a very exciting idea and I will savour it-its newness and potential, for just a while longer.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday, 28 February 2016
Book of the Week-The Power
February 27th, 2016
I have been reading The Power by Rhonda Byrne because, when I was browsing the books available at the public library, its bright orange cover caught my eye. As I began reading this book, I recognized many of the concepts from The Secret: you have a choice every day whether to focus on the positive aspects of your life or not and, based on this decision, you will either get more positive experiences or negative ones. Whatever you give to others comes back to you so you need to be mindful of what you think, say and do to others. Your thoughts affect your feelings.
We think we are reacting to what has happened to us but the universe responds to us and our feelings are a strong magnet. Whatever we feel most intensely about is what will be increased in our life. There is no distinction between whether we are a good person or a bad person, whether this is a good feeling or a bad one. Strong feeling equals attraction. When you feel anger for someone, you are bringing more of them in your life because of the intensity of your feelings. She suggests noticing what you love and focusing on that. List the people, places, activities, objects you love, notice them in your environment and this is what will grow, opportunities to spend time with those people, visit those places or obtain these objects. Your feelings are a frequency like a radio station and you attract people and circumstances that match this frequency. I you want to bring different people and experiences in your life, adjust your frequency.
Rhonda explains that we are co-creators with the universe. We must be able to imagine what we want. What would it feel like to be this way, to do this, to have this? Once you are clear about what you want and what that would look like, you need to feel as though it were true. She encourages people to surround themselves with cues that their desires have manifested. If you want to go on a trip, you don't focus on the fact that you can'y afford it. Instead, you search the internet for hotels and save a few options on your Favourites page, you buy your swimsuit and sunglasses, you wear sunscreen every day so you smell like you are on holidays, you visualize the warm sand and salty sea air. You tell people how much you love that place and list everything you love about it. You may even print off a photo of your destination and stick it on your fridge. The possibility of going there feels more and more real. Your love for this place and your visualization become a magnet, drawing this experience closer to you.
I don't know if you ever watched Seinfeld. In one episode, George started a program to help reduce his stress. Whenever he had a negative thought, he would stop himself and repeat the words: Serenity Now. By the end of the episode he had a full on nervous breakdown. The author clarifies that there is no need to resist or fear negativity. You are not trying to suppress negative feelings, you just don't amplify them. You focus on what you want and what you love to increase your frequency so your energy matches your desires and you become a magnet for it. Negativity can exist but it doesn't dominate your thoughts, your are too busy imagining the positive outcomes. She describes an exercise to help you release your negative feelings. You imagine that each negative emotion is a wild horse that you climb onto and ride. Then you can choose to get off the horse.
Rhonda emphasizes that we are good enough now. We don't need to work harder, be skinnier, smarter, more of anything, we are fabulous as we are and life is our catalogue. We just need to choose what we want and keep loving it. If we concentrate on our lack, as in, "I would love to do that but I'm broke so it's never going to happen", then we are creating that story for our life, we associate bad feelings to that experience therefore we repel it. She warns against feeling envious of others who have achieved what we are striving to accomplish or feeling discouraged by our lack of results. These further associate negative feelings to our desires, placing them out of our reach.
In order to elevate your frequency, you need to feel as much love as possible for yourself, the people in your life and as many aspects of your life as possible. Gratitude is an expression of love so when you say thank you or you take time to acknowledge how important someone is to you, you are spreading love all around you. Life should be fun so if you focus on what you enjoy and spend time feeding your imagination with your desires while appreciating what you have, this is the key to success. This is true for money, health matters, work and relationships.
This is a feel-good book and it may seem a bit simplistic, just pick what you want from the catalogue, visualize it and send love to it and, presto, you get it. However, I do believe there is power in focusing on what you want, feeling it with every sense so you can imagine your life as it would be if your desires were manifested, watching your negative self-talk, writing down ten things you are grateful for each day and creating a vision board so you can visualize what your ideal life would look like. Is it all baloney? I will try it out and report back. Let's see what happens.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I have been reading The Power by Rhonda Byrne because, when I was browsing the books available at the public library, its bright orange cover caught my eye. As I began reading this book, I recognized many of the concepts from The Secret: you have a choice every day whether to focus on the positive aspects of your life or not and, based on this decision, you will either get more positive experiences or negative ones. Whatever you give to others comes back to you so you need to be mindful of what you think, say and do to others. Your thoughts affect your feelings.
We think we are reacting to what has happened to us but the universe responds to us and our feelings are a strong magnet. Whatever we feel most intensely about is what will be increased in our life. There is no distinction between whether we are a good person or a bad person, whether this is a good feeling or a bad one. Strong feeling equals attraction. When you feel anger for someone, you are bringing more of them in your life because of the intensity of your feelings. She suggests noticing what you love and focusing on that. List the people, places, activities, objects you love, notice them in your environment and this is what will grow, opportunities to spend time with those people, visit those places or obtain these objects. Your feelings are a frequency like a radio station and you attract people and circumstances that match this frequency. I you want to bring different people and experiences in your life, adjust your frequency.
Rhonda explains that we are co-creators with the universe. We must be able to imagine what we want. What would it feel like to be this way, to do this, to have this? Once you are clear about what you want and what that would look like, you need to feel as though it were true. She encourages people to surround themselves with cues that their desires have manifested. If you want to go on a trip, you don't focus on the fact that you can'y afford it. Instead, you search the internet for hotels and save a few options on your Favourites page, you buy your swimsuit and sunglasses, you wear sunscreen every day so you smell like you are on holidays, you visualize the warm sand and salty sea air. You tell people how much you love that place and list everything you love about it. You may even print off a photo of your destination and stick it on your fridge. The possibility of going there feels more and more real. Your love for this place and your visualization become a magnet, drawing this experience closer to you.
I don't know if you ever watched Seinfeld. In one episode, George started a program to help reduce his stress. Whenever he had a negative thought, he would stop himself and repeat the words: Serenity Now. By the end of the episode he had a full on nervous breakdown. The author clarifies that there is no need to resist or fear negativity. You are not trying to suppress negative feelings, you just don't amplify them. You focus on what you want and what you love to increase your frequency so your energy matches your desires and you become a magnet for it. Negativity can exist but it doesn't dominate your thoughts, your are too busy imagining the positive outcomes. She describes an exercise to help you release your negative feelings. You imagine that each negative emotion is a wild horse that you climb onto and ride. Then you can choose to get off the horse.
Rhonda emphasizes that we are good enough now. We don't need to work harder, be skinnier, smarter, more of anything, we are fabulous as we are and life is our catalogue. We just need to choose what we want and keep loving it. If we concentrate on our lack, as in, "I would love to do that but I'm broke so it's never going to happen", then we are creating that story for our life, we associate bad feelings to that experience therefore we repel it. She warns against feeling envious of others who have achieved what we are striving to accomplish or feeling discouraged by our lack of results. These further associate negative feelings to our desires, placing them out of our reach.
In order to elevate your frequency, you need to feel as much love as possible for yourself, the people in your life and as many aspects of your life as possible. Gratitude is an expression of love so when you say thank you or you take time to acknowledge how important someone is to you, you are spreading love all around you. Life should be fun so if you focus on what you enjoy and spend time feeding your imagination with your desires while appreciating what you have, this is the key to success. This is true for money, health matters, work and relationships.
This is a feel-good book and it may seem a bit simplistic, just pick what you want from the catalogue, visualize it and send love to it and, presto, you get it. However, I do believe there is power in focusing on what you want, feeling it with every sense so you can imagine your life as it would be if your desires were manifested, watching your negative self-talk, writing down ten things you are grateful for each day and creating a vision board so you can visualize what your ideal life would look like. Is it all baloney? I will try it out and report back. Let's see what happens.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 5 February 2016
Interview with a 40+ year old woman-HS
February 5th, 2016
When HS was 34 years old, she thought to herself that if she was still in the same spot in 10 years she would cry. She was facing a career crisis and decided to leave her stable, permanent position to pursue something more meaningful.
On her 39th birthday, she had a meltdown and cried. She was upset about not being where she expected to be by her 39th birthday. She was divorced, she had no children and she struggled with her career. She questioned everything about her life, starting with: Where did the last decade go? She looked at her grandma's silver and felt sad, she had no one to serve. She worried that, without children, she had no legacy to leave behind.
Two days after her 39th birthday she found out her sister's children were being taken away. She stepped in and took over the care of her niece and nephew, a 5 and 10 year old with high needs. She became a crisis parent and had to redefine herself as a family person. This was a sudden switch. She had adjusted to life after divorce. She enjoyed an active life with friends and many social and cultural outings. She loved to go dancing.
Suddenly, she was on house arrest. CAS is very strict regarding the people who are allowed to supervise the children so she couldn't leave them with a babysitter. She had no night off, no relief. She was no longer herself, just a parent. She worried that her chances of ever getting married were getting slim to impossible. It was challenging enough to find a man who would take on a woman and her children but she was raising someone else's children. On top of all this, she needed to switch jobs again. She had found meaningful work with a non-profit but her pay could not support the children. She set off to find a higher paying job that would help her provide for the children even if it wasn't the type of work that brought her any joy. The children came first.
This was her life as she turned 40. Then, 14 months after she had become a mom, her niece and nephew were adopted by another relative. Now she was grieving. In the past year, she had lost her dog, her horse and now the children that she imagined would be with her forever. The stress of it all affected her performance at work and when they went through restructuring she lost her job. The stress was causing health issues as well. She felt like the last few decades were like a revolving door and she had been spit out, weakened and alone.
She felt old. "In your 30s you can fake being in your 20s but by your 40s there's no turning back. No one calls you Miss anymore". HS got fed up of looking back and grieving. She was surrounded by older women who were healthy and thriving. She decided to look forward instead and she thinks this saved her. She sat down and wrote a bucket list. She wanted to try things she was interested in because "you can't control what life throws at you but you can keep trying". She thought about the next 10-20 years and asked herself what she'd like those years to look like. She knew she couldn't make healthy decisions from an unhealthy place so she began running, even on days she didn't feel like it. She waited until six months had passed since the children were adopted before she made any important decisions. She had felt the urge to sell everything and travel but she knew to allow some grieving time before she moved forward. She sorted through which opportunities she'd like to pursue. She was determined to knock on doors and see which ones would open.
HS is now 43 years old. She has written two books and is completing her PhD. Attending University has been a humbling experience. The student life is reminiscent of her 20s yet everything is different: a lot of information is online, her fellow students have their own jargon which she doesn't understand and learning requires more work than she remembers. However, she looks at her older friends and is inspired by them. "They have a sparkle in their eyes, they are fit and living their life. I want to be like them when I'm older". She feels like she has pressed a reset button and is starting a new chapter in her life. She no longer feels stuck on a train track heading nowhere. She has heard stories of people who did their best work in their later years. She plans to have the most productive years ahead of her. The work on her PhD is very meaningful and therapeutic.
If she could start over she would undo her marriage. She would socialize differently and marry someone else. She also would have completed a more practical degree like psychology or law. She feels that if she had been better supported as a child, she would have been more aware and recognized red flags like the ones her ex-husband was throwing her way.
HS is proud that she managed to get through the challenging times. Despite these difficult experiences, she has remained "young and hopeful rather than falling into anger and bitterness". She perceives the midlife crisis as an adult temper tantrum. "When you are younger you try to make things go your way then you realize it isn't working and you freak out. As you get older, you learn to go with the flow".
At this time in her life, she is trying to make healthy decisions that are authentic, not based on fears and panic. She treats her current fears the same way as the monster under the bed when she was a child. You are afraid of the monster under the bed but you get up and go to the washroom anyways. HS finds that physical activities in nature are the best outlets for her stress. It is where she goes to recharge. When she introduces others to nature, she feels energized. She has many friends she can turn to for support but a lot of them live far away so she is grateful for Skype. She has a better understanding of what is going on with her at this age and has learned to ask for what she needs. She no longer struggles with being on her own. She has less energy than she used to so she tends to collaborate with others. She gets energy from these collaborations and the many projects she leads.
One day, when she has completed her PhD and has a permanent job, HS would like to take a single mom under her wing. She thinks our individualistic culture neglects people who require support. "People have so much potential, they just need to feel supported, not so alone". She is passionate about including every member of society into the community and providing the necessary support so everyone has a chance.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
When HS was 34 years old, she thought to herself that if she was still in the same spot in 10 years she would cry. She was facing a career crisis and decided to leave her stable, permanent position to pursue something more meaningful.
On her 39th birthday, she had a meltdown and cried. She was upset about not being where she expected to be by her 39th birthday. She was divorced, she had no children and she struggled with her career. She questioned everything about her life, starting with: Where did the last decade go? She looked at her grandma's silver and felt sad, she had no one to serve. She worried that, without children, she had no legacy to leave behind.
Two days after her 39th birthday she found out her sister's children were being taken away. She stepped in and took over the care of her niece and nephew, a 5 and 10 year old with high needs. She became a crisis parent and had to redefine herself as a family person. This was a sudden switch. She had adjusted to life after divorce. She enjoyed an active life with friends and many social and cultural outings. She loved to go dancing.
Suddenly, she was on house arrest. CAS is very strict regarding the people who are allowed to supervise the children so she couldn't leave them with a babysitter. She had no night off, no relief. She was no longer herself, just a parent. She worried that her chances of ever getting married were getting slim to impossible. It was challenging enough to find a man who would take on a woman and her children but she was raising someone else's children. On top of all this, she needed to switch jobs again. She had found meaningful work with a non-profit but her pay could not support the children. She set off to find a higher paying job that would help her provide for the children even if it wasn't the type of work that brought her any joy. The children came first.
This was her life as she turned 40. Then, 14 months after she had become a mom, her niece and nephew were adopted by another relative. Now she was grieving. In the past year, she had lost her dog, her horse and now the children that she imagined would be with her forever. The stress of it all affected her performance at work and when they went through restructuring she lost her job. The stress was causing health issues as well. She felt like the last few decades were like a revolving door and she had been spit out, weakened and alone.
She felt old. "In your 30s you can fake being in your 20s but by your 40s there's no turning back. No one calls you Miss anymore". HS got fed up of looking back and grieving. She was surrounded by older women who were healthy and thriving. She decided to look forward instead and she thinks this saved her. She sat down and wrote a bucket list. She wanted to try things she was interested in because "you can't control what life throws at you but you can keep trying". She thought about the next 10-20 years and asked herself what she'd like those years to look like. She knew she couldn't make healthy decisions from an unhealthy place so she began running, even on days she didn't feel like it. She waited until six months had passed since the children were adopted before she made any important decisions. She had felt the urge to sell everything and travel but she knew to allow some grieving time before she moved forward. She sorted through which opportunities she'd like to pursue. She was determined to knock on doors and see which ones would open.
HS is now 43 years old. She has written two books and is completing her PhD. Attending University has been a humbling experience. The student life is reminiscent of her 20s yet everything is different: a lot of information is online, her fellow students have their own jargon which she doesn't understand and learning requires more work than she remembers. However, she looks at her older friends and is inspired by them. "They have a sparkle in their eyes, they are fit and living their life. I want to be like them when I'm older". She feels like she has pressed a reset button and is starting a new chapter in her life. She no longer feels stuck on a train track heading nowhere. She has heard stories of people who did their best work in their later years. She plans to have the most productive years ahead of her. The work on her PhD is very meaningful and therapeutic.
If she could start over she would undo her marriage. She would socialize differently and marry someone else. She also would have completed a more practical degree like psychology or law. She feels that if she had been better supported as a child, she would have been more aware and recognized red flags like the ones her ex-husband was throwing her way.
HS is proud that she managed to get through the challenging times. Despite these difficult experiences, she has remained "young and hopeful rather than falling into anger and bitterness". She perceives the midlife crisis as an adult temper tantrum. "When you are younger you try to make things go your way then you realize it isn't working and you freak out. As you get older, you learn to go with the flow".
At this time in her life, she is trying to make healthy decisions that are authentic, not based on fears and panic. She treats her current fears the same way as the monster under the bed when she was a child. You are afraid of the monster under the bed but you get up and go to the washroom anyways. HS finds that physical activities in nature are the best outlets for her stress. It is where she goes to recharge. When she introduces others to nature, she feels energized. She has many friends she can turn to for support but a lot of them live far away so she is grateful for Skype. She has a better understanding of what is going on with her at this age and has learned to ask for what she needs. She no longer struggles with being on her own. She has less energy than she used to so she tends to collaborate with others. She gets energy from these collaborations and the many projects she leads.
One day, when she has completed her PhD and has a permanent job, HS would like to take a single mom under her wing. She thinks our individualistic culture neglects people who require support. "People have so much potential, they just need to feel supported, not so alone". She is passionate about including every member of society into the community and providing the necessary support so everyone has a chance.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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