One More Seat at the Dinner Table

December 27th, 2016

My husband invited his mother to join us for Christmas this year. I was worried. It is such a relaxing, peaceful, enjoyable holiday. My husband's relationship with his mother is intense. They can talk and laugh then suddenly, out of nowhere, it all takes a wrong turn, hurtful words are spoken, voices are raised. Would this change the feeling of our holiday? I thought it might be the last year that our eldest would believe in Santa and, considering the mess up with our youngest daughter's gift from Santa (still no parcel from Amazon), it might be her last year as well. I didn't want to mess it up.

I enjoy my mother-in-law. She is funny and she is even healthier than during her last visit in the summer so there are more activities we can do. She loves her cup of tea, sweets and talking about everything and anything. I feel comfortable with her. She is direct and I know what she wants, likes and hates, which makes it easy for me.

Whenever she comes for a visit, I observe first-hand how my husband and his mother interact; what annoys him (her saying racist things or recalling past events in a way that shines a more positive light on her), what hurts her (when he raises his voice, asks her to stop talking or says she is being selfish) and, what brings them closer (music, movies, the Queen). As I spent time with my mother and his, I observed how our own expectations can mess up an opportunity to create happy memories. We forget that our parents are human beings with qualities that we take for granted, judge weaknesses that come from their own upbringing and life experiences and, personality traits that make them who they are.

I am reading a book by Melissa Moore called, Whole. I was reading a chapter on forgiveness on Boxing Day. My husband was upset because of something his mother said that he felt was hurtful and inappropriate. I asked him to read that chapter. It seemed to clear the air. The chapter urges people to stop when someone has hurt or angered them and consider the intention of the person, the context in which that person was raised, how their life and belief system were shaped. If you can think of that person as another soul on a journey toward personal growth, you realize that you are also imperfect, a fellow traveller.

Christmas is a time to celebrate but it is also filled with expectations. Whatever conflicts or issues already exist seem to be intensified over the holidays. Stepping back from our expectations, we create space to let each person bring what they can, to show up "as is" and be loved. Everyone needs to belong to a group. On Christmas Day, my mother-in-law was overwhelmed when she received a full stocking (a first for her) and gifts from my mother, her son, the children and myself. She started to cry and we were all taken aback. We asked what was wrong and she just said she felt loved and it was a bit overwhelming. We all stopped what we were doing, even the kids, and gave her a hug.

That one moment transformed Christmas morning for me. I imagined what it must be like to never receive a gift or stocking at Christmas, or to not feel loved or never feel that you belong to any group. I was so moved and it made me grateful for the love in my life. Our daughters watched her in awe. They were so sweet to her, fetching her slippers, bringing a foot stool and offering her candy. I was proud of my girls. Sometimes, you need to be confronted with someone's pain in order to notice the absence of it in your own life. We are so lucky. We have each other, we love one another and only want what's best for everyone.

I am grateful for my mother-in-law. She brought an appreciation of Christmas for us. She gave our daughters an opportunity to be compassionate and helpful. My husband learned to accept her as she is, flawed but still the woman who gave him life. I am grateful for my family. They are kind and loving and I am thrilled to belong them.  Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you are all safe, loved and at peace!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Christmas Spirit

December 9th, 2016

Christmas is fast approaching, there are clues everywhere from the music blasted over the shopping mall speakers, the parcels piled up a the post office, the grumpy, rushed people pushing through the crowds, two-fisting their bags of gifts (which they can't afford) and the decorations on the homes and store fronts.

Before I had children, I hated the commercial garbage that came with this holiday. Seeing the Christmas decorations next to the Halloween costumes in October or being bombarded with gift ideas at each commercial break in early November, it all seemed in such poor taste.

I always had a good time at Christmas. When I was younger, my mother and I would head over to my aunt and uncle's house for Christmas Eve where we would celebrate my uncle's birthday until midnight. Then, we would dole out Christmas gifts after midnight. We would eat and have dessert all over again in the wee hours of Christmas morning. Then we would sleep until it was time to go to my grandparents' home for Christmas. We would see all the cousins and their growing families. I didn't see many of them the rest of the year but we would catch up at my grandparents' home. My mother and I never had much money and my aunt, uncle and cousins would always buy us gifts even though they knew we couldn't buy them anything. It felt so good the first year I was able to surprise everyone with a gift. I was working full-time and able to splurge. It was the best!

When I married and had children of my own, we started new traditions. We stay in our pyjamas and lounge around the house, all cozy. The girls play with their new toys, my mother, husband and I linger over coffee and read from our new books. It is mellower but oh so cozy. I still call my aunt and uncle, they live in Aylmer and I in Kemptville so we generally don't see each other but it wouldn't be Christmas without talking to them. My cousins are at their house so I talk to them too.

We decorated the tree as a family last weekend. I enjoyed it, the girls are still young enough to be excited about Santa and the pretty tree. Each year I wonder if this is our last "magical" Christmas. It's not the same when they stop believing. I know the holidays are not about gifts and spending money but, I always get into the spirit when I start shopping. I am just so excited when I find the perfect gift, something my loved ones will love but would never buy for themselves.

Today was the best. I have already bought a gift for each of my daughters. Santa's gifts are on the way. My mother wasn't able to find anything in her many excursions out to the stores. She gets confused by the names of various dolls from multiple kids' shows. I told her I would get something on her behalf today. I drove out into the sunlight , my favourite music blaring and, found some perfect gifts. The girls will love them and my mom will be happy to have caused so much joy. Then, I visited a store and purchased some awesome gifts for my husband. I just know his face will light up when he sees them (no pressure or anything).

I am not a materialistic person and we only buy the girls a few gifts each. I think it's my inner child that is making up for lost time. Growing up, I would have these awesome ideas what to buy for people. I paid attention to what they liked and knew that my gift ideas would make them so happy. I just couldn't buy those things; for my mom, for aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and boyfriends. It feels so good to be able to buy something special for my loved ones now. It truly puts me in the Christmas spirit, not the commercial aspect of it but the spirit of giving, of thinking of others and creating special moments.

We have the cozy home, the fireplaces, the food, the people we love and the fun traditions. The gifts are just the cherry on top. Merry Christmas everyone!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

A Dog Named Raiden

November 17th, 2016

It's been a hectic week. My daughters were sick so there were doctor's appointments and the girls were not in school which means I got nothing done. Then I got sick. I had to move my Mommy Monologues around and postpone a few art therapy appointments in order to not contaminate my clients. I was feeling exhausted and stressed then this happened...

A friend's dog went missing. A large Akita named Raiden. I saw a Facebook post. They didn't know where he was but I felt pretty confident he would turn up, he's a big dog. I got busy and life went on then I saw another post. He was still missing. I started thinking they may not find him. After I put the girls on the bus, I told my husband I would go for a walk and look for Raiden. I know the mom of that family, a sweet, local yoga instructor and, her daughter is in my daughter's class. They are a great family and, that kid is just the sweetest girl ever. It broke my heart that she might lose her dog.

As I walked around our property looking for Raiden, it felt like I was just one person trying to help out. However, once I left my property and walked around the neighbourhood, I heard a man calling out for the dog in a nearby wooded area. I assumed he must be the dad. My heart went out to him. Now, there were two of us looking for the dog. I saw a lady driving slowly in my direction. I wondered if she had spotted the dog. I saw her put something in a mailbox. I thought she was delivering a newspaper or flyers. I kept walking. As I approached her car, she asked me if I wanted a flyer. It had Raiden's photo on it. I explained that I was also looking for him and had a milk bone in my pocket, just in case. She confessed to also having a milk bone in her pocket. We laughed and I grabbed a few flyers.

She had already driven through the community I was heading into so I turned around and walked back toward my house, intending to get in the car and drive in the opposite direction. I saw a man walking a dog. It was a big dog. I wondered if that was the man who had been calling Raiden's name and, if that was Raiden on his leash. I walked faster. As I neared them, I saw that this was another dog. However, the man saw the poster in my hands and we talked about where he had been and where I was going to go so we could plan out our next move. I gave him a poster. He had walked all over his five acre property and had checked neighbouring fields and barns. People gave him permission to inspect their barns and property in case the dog was resting there. I felt so proud to live in this community. The lady in the van caught up to us and the man pointed out some more barns that might be good hiding spots. He also told her the construction workers on the next street should get a poster because they were there all day, every day of the week. We parted ways, he walked north, back to his home. The van lady headed west to deliver more flyers and speak with the construction workers and, I walked south to return to my home. Just as I was about to reach my home, I saw someone else I recognized. She was driving around, looking for Raiden. I gave her a poster.

My husband and I drove to a nearby community for lunch. We took a detour to look for the dog. We each checked out our side of the car. I gave the waitress a copy of the poster and asked her to put it up in case someone recognized the dog. She was very responsive and took the flyer immediately. This morning, as soon as I got up, I checked Facebook and saw photos of the reunion. I was so excited for them! They had been out looking for him at night and found him stuck in the mud. The vet made a house call and checked on him. He was tired but otherwise ok.

This experience warmed my heart. All we hear about right now is Donald Trump, racism, riots, the revival of the kkk and gloomy predictions regarding the future of the USA. However, my direct experience out here in my neck of the woods showed me what an awesome community I live in. Where strangers come together to look for a missing dog. Where people care about each other, worry for someone else's pet and cheer heartily when the family is reunited. I am so happy to be in this community. You rock, Kemptville!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Halloween and our Sense of Community

November 3rd, 2016

On Monday, like every other parent, we took our children trick or treating. They got dressed up, applied their face make-up and grabbed a pillow case. We visited our friends' houses first then we headed out to the homes of strangers.

As the children walked from door to door, we bumped into people we know from the community. I got to meet the children of some adults I know through business. The girls got to meet the parents of children they know from school or gymnastics.

As the girls collected candy, we listened to make sure they said thank you. We watched them interacting with adults of all ages and abilities. They pet dogs and cats, talked about their costumes and asked some adults who were dressed-up what they were dressed as.

There is a festive mood in the air as children and their parents walk freely through the streets, enjoying the experience, showing off their costumes, gathering candy like gold and meeting the neighbours.

Recently, when I attended Sources of Strength training, we talked about the resilience of people in Latin America. Two of the factors responsible for this resilience are 1) a sense of belonging to their community and, 2) close ties to their family.

My husband and I are lucky. We get to work from home. This means we spend more time with our children than most people. I was thinking about occasions like Halloween when we get to connect with our community. I like taking the girls to Canada Day celebrations, Pirate Day, Ribfest, the Santa Parade and other local celebrations. We meet local business owners and bump into acquaintances and friends from the community. Going to Gymnastics each week is also an opportunity to get to know other families. We have a Summer Bash every year where we invite the girls' friends and their families. They spend most of the evening in the pool but we get to mingle with parents and expand our circle of friendships.

I believe we would be stronger as a community and as families if there were more opportunities to socialize like block parties, BBQs, game nights and family days. We have many empty buildings in this community. They could be transformed into indoor pools, movie theatres and games areas. I feel safer living in a connected community where my children and I know the names of our neighbours. Don't you?

Concussion Consequences

October 27th, 2016

Today is a hard day. On Monday, October 17th, I enjoyed a thai massage. My masseuse was excellent and I really felt that I was doing something great for myself. However, as with every treatment I've had seen our car accident in July 2012 (massage, physic, acupuncture, cranio sacral etc), there were  consequences to this stimulation.

I haven't been able to feel the back of my head since the accident. I sometimes wake up and my skull is numb, it feels the same as when your arm falls asleep. I have also had vessels burst in my eyes on a regular basis. I visited the eye doctor and he claims my eyes are healthy. He is puzzled by this and suggested I "keep an eye on it".

When I wake up in the morning, my lower back is in pain. I have to roll over and slowly ease myself out of bed. I am in my 40s, what will I be like in my 80s? I also have a sore ovary, it hurts when it's ovulating. This has been an issue since the accident because of the pressure from the seat belt during impact.

Initially, after the crash, I was sleeping most of the day. I was dizzy and nauseous, I experienced headaches (something that had never happened before), I had a sore back and ovary. My mother came to help but I had to function as best I could, as fast as possible because my daughters were at home for the summer.

By the time I received treatment, it was September. I thought I was healing and progressing well but I had no idea how damaged I actually was. I went for a massage and experienced non-stop headaches for two weeks. I promised myself never to do that again. I booked sessions with my physiotherapist. She couldn't do any physical manipulations because my central nervous system was so out of whack. As soon as she started working on me, I would have to run to the washroom and empty my bowel. She used crania-sacral therapy for our sessions together. She added a heating pad, some electrical stimulation and acupuncture as our time together drew to a close. We weren't done healing my brain but the insurance was done paying so I stopped going.

I decided to start working out. I joined a gym, briefed my fitness trainer and we took it slow. I enjoyed the treadmill and did some basic machines to work on my legs and arms (without straining my neck) and floor exercises like lunges and stretches. I had to be careful not to overdo it as I would hit a wall of fatigue and couldn't function for the rest of the day.

I had to adjust my schedule, not driving at night which means my husband now takes the girls to gymnastics, not scheduling clients at night because I am too tired and therefore don't want to try to help people when my brain is not at its best and, drastically reducing my time with our daughters each night. They used to get quality time playing with me 1:1 as well as bath time. We have switched to showers and a story. They still get angry sometimes that I am not the same mommy. They wish we had never been in an accident. Me too.

Why am I re-hashing all of this today? A few days after my thai massage, I started to get a headache. Then I noticed I was grumpy at night, not my usual patient self. I was running out of energy more quickly. If the girls were asking for a snack or wanting me to stay with them until they fell asleep, I was grumpy about it. I wasn't being myself. Then I woke up at night but instead of my head being numb at the back, I was experiencing sensations. This sounds like a good thing but it hurts. I have this aching in the back of my head where the numbness used to be. It's very scary to discover, every time I do anything for my health, that my brain has still not healed. I feel frightened that I'll have a stroke and won't be here or healthy enough to care for my girls. I worry that my brain is turning off and I'll end up with early dementia. This may not sound rational but, on days like today when I feel just how vulnerable I am when it comes to my brain, it feels reasonable to worry.

This is a hard day because I have been out interviewing moms for the book, I have a client scheduled in later today, my daughters have a PD day tomorrow and I have a workshop and a birthday party for my youngest on Saturday. The old me would be very excited, the present me wonders if I'll have the energy for it all. Will I ever NOT feel brain damaged? I don't know. Meanwhile, the young lady who crashed into us, because she was busy texting, is out there, free, unscathed, planning her life and, on days like today, I resent that. There was never a call, a letter, any indication that she felt bad or even gave it a second thought. Today is a bad day. I will keep moving forward, loving my children for as long as I can and trying to make a difference while I have the chance.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Grateful this Thanksgiving

October 10th, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

I am feeling so grateful this year in particular. My mother joins us every year for our feast. It was great to have her here with us. We designed special cards for each other to express our gratitude. My daughters, mother, husband and myself hand wrote why we were grateful for each member of our family. Then we exchanged our handmade cards. We expressed our gratitude out loud during supper. It was so sweet to hear my girls talk about how lucky they felt to be in our family and to have each other.

We savoured our delicious turkey supper with carrots, potatoes, brussel sprouts and cranberry jelly which my husband had so meticulously prepared. He is such an awesome cook!

As I drove my mother home, I was thankful for the sunshine and multi-coloured trees lining the 416 and Prince of Wales drive. My mother told me she learned a great deal from watching my daughters. My husband took our youngest out to buy clothing. Her birthday is next weekend and she has outgrown her clothing. My mother was meeting them at the store. She watched my daughter decide without hesitation which items of clothing she liked. My mother said she couldn't recall ever being that certain about anything. Growing up, she wasn't asked her opinion. If she had expressed it, chances are, her observations would not have been well received.

As we designed our cards, my daughter couldn't decide what to write and how to shape her paper. I had pumpkin-shaped papers, my husband had flags, my eldest daughter and mom both had hearts, so my youngest thought she might create stars. She didn't like the way her stars turned out. I offered to help but she pretended she didn't want to write cards. We accepted her decision to not make cards. She then came up with her own invention. She sculpted hearts out of red clay, she wrote, I love you!, on each one and placed a feather at the top, a different colour for each of us. My mother was impressed with her creativity and her freedom to express her gratitude her way.

I felt grateful that my daughters were having a good time, playing together, chasing the pets around the house and participating in this art activity. I also felt lucky to live in my home, a lovely family home, warm and spacious, loved and lived-in. I am thankful that my husband is such an excellent cook, that my mother is open to learning from her grand-daughters and sharing her insight with me. I am grateful that my daughters are older now. This means they are more independent and they are able to express their thoughts and feelings with words.

We have been through so much as a family and I am thrilled that we are all here in this moment, enjoying and loving one another. I am proud of my family with our two sweet pets. Our golden lab who is affectionate and excited to see us every day. Our sleepy, mellow cat who allows the girls to dress him up, carry him like a baby and make him dance in the most embarrassing ways (see photo of George with his sombrero on my FB page).

I have one more thing to be grateful for this year. Ever since I have posted about The Mommy Monologues on this blog and on FB, I have been inundated with stories from moms who have been through challenging pregnancies, births and traumatic experiences. They have survived and are sharing their stories to help other moms who are still battling. I am so grateful for their honesty and courage.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Tree House

September 20th, 2016

Have you ever dreamed of having your own tree house when you were a child? There seems to be a universal desire to hang out in a tree house. Perhaps you were one of the lucky ones who actually had a tree house.

I have always loved and coveted a tree house. As a child, I drew my ideal home as a tree house. It was sophisticated with a slide to exit through the back. I lived in apartments so I never owned one. I once searched for tree homes and found an astonishing amount of houses built in trees. Not plain wooden ones, we are talking luxurious, architecturally diverse homes.

Today, my husband and I built a tree house for our daughters. We spent three hours this afternoon using leftover renovation materials to build it. My husband didn't have a tree home growing up. We were both excited about this project. We excitedly started with the floor and frame, supports and walls. We rummaged through materials and made stuff up as we worked.

We work well together and, although the house is not complete, we have a pretty sturdy, fun-looking tree loft. The house has a floor, a ladder, three walls and we threw in some IKEA chairs at the last minute. We were so excited to see the girls' reactions as they got off the bus. They ran over and climbed in. My husband was waiting for them. I went in the house with their school bags and headed for the kitchen to grab some cold juices. I wasn't even done filling one juice container. The girls were back inside. I handed over the juices and asked if they had been in the tree house. They had. They went upstairs to play in their room.

I walked out and over to my husband. He was still working on the structure. I asked him what happened. He said they loved it. I was perplexed. Why aren't they still here? Apparently, because we placed the parachute on top of the structure, our eldest felt that it was too short for her, she couldn't stand up. I was disappointed. My husband and I kept working on bracing the sides for at least 30 minutes. As we worked, I realized this tree house was for our inner children. We were building this to satisfy our own needs. We were having fun. The fact that our daughters' reaction was less than enthusiastic did not curb our own excitement.

We love our little tree house. I hope the girls give it a chance and enjoy it for many years ahead. If they don't, my husband and I will.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

The Story of Poobum and Pompom

May 18th, 2016

I was minding my own business when a Fed Ex truck pulled up to my home. As I made my way to the front door, he deposited two boxes and left. I scanned the boxes, expecting them to be filled with products for my husband's work. To my surprise, they were addressed to me. I recognized the label-Burnstown Publishing. These were my books. I was shocked!

I wrote some children's books on my iPad years ago. Meredith Luce, a local illustrator, agreed to illustrate my first book, Have You Hugged Your Alien? two years ago. It was well received and it became part of my series of workshops for elementary schools. Meredith illustrated the second book, The Story of Poobum and Pompom last fall. We had hoped to hit the markets at Christmas but two things happened: 1) The book wasn't printed until January and, 2) when it did get printed, it was all mixed up. Meredith and I were bummed.

I set out to find a publisher and went through a variety of quotes. When I spoke to Tim Gordon at Burnstown Publishing, I felt like I was at the right place. There were many parallels between what he was trying to accomplish and my hopes for my books. It has been a long road but I have my book, I can hold it in my hands and read it to my children. Now all I have to do is set a date for my book launch. I am hoping it will be at the public library in Kemptville before the end of the school year.

The Story of Poobum and Pompom is about sibling rivalry. Poobum the dog has this fantastic life then his parents decide to adopt a kitten. The book documents their relationship from rivalry to friendship. My inspiration for this book came from my own experience with my two lovely daughters. My eldest, Molly, had a great life filled with lots of love and attention. When my youngest, Stella, was born, it was a huge adjustment. My eldest felt betrayed. She was very angry and tried to harm her sister on a daily basis.

She went from despising her sister to tolerating her over the first year. Then, as Stella grew and became more interactive, Molly started doing things to make her laugh like her "boom chicka boom" song. When Stella started eating solids, Molly enjoyed feeding her and, she was present when Stella took her first steps. It wasn't until Stella was approximately 2 1/2 years old that Molly decided they would be friends. Molly would hold her hand or hug her. By then, Stella had learned to keep her distance so she wasn't sure what to make of this newfound affection. However, slowly, they grew to like each other, become play mates and seek each other out.

They had their own world and, eventually, we were no longer invited to join in. I was so happy when I first heard them giggling and signing together. It was all going to work out. As a parent, you want your children to get along. When they don't, it's very painful. You worry about the future. You wonder if you did anything wrong. Your children are fighting, hurting each other's feelings and you are stuck in the middle.

Once they became friends and were enjoying their time together, I could relax. They each had their own room but they chose to sleep in the same bed for years because they could talk and giggle after bed time. Once they were both in school, they had lots of inside jokes and, even though I wish I could still be in the loop, I am glad that they love each other and look out for one another.

The book is meant to start a dialogue between a parent and child about the difficult transition from only child to older brother or sister. I want children to know their feelings are normal and they are still loved. I'd like to reassure parents that this is a transition, that it will be ok. I am proud of this book and I hope lots of families read it together.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Last post-Pet Sitters

March 19th, 2016

Hello everyone, this will be my last post until April 4th. My family and I are leaving for Florida tomorrow and I will be enjoying our time away together without technology. I am sure I will feel inspired to write about new topics when we return.

Right now, everyone is asleep and we are all packed. I am reading over my to-do list and I am satisfied with my progress. I feel excited about our trip. My husband's clients will be house sitting and pet sitting for us. That makes all the difference for me.

In the past, we had neighbors check on the cat, scoop his litter, fill his food bowl and give him some love every day but no one lived in our home. When we got our dog, this was no longer an option. We tried two different kennels. The people were nice but our dog is more of a human-lover, not so much a dog-lover. The last year that she was in a kennel, when we returned, the owner gave us a photo of our dog as a souvenir of her stay. Our dog was being sniffed by dogs on either side, her ears were back and her tail was curled down between her legs. It broke my heart. She looked so unhappy.

Last year, a friend of ours stayed with our pets. It was a completely different experience. Our dog was able to stay in her environment where everything is familiar and comfortable. She received great care by this loving woman who absolutely adores dogs and bakes her own treats. We could check in with her by e-mail throughout the holiday. She even sent footage of our pets when the girls were missing them. We returned to a happy, slightly slimmer from the extra exercise dog and a satisfied, calm cat. Our home had been carde for and there were fresh flowers on the table.

Our friend has her own dog now so she couldn't be here this year. Luckily, my husband has many clients and we have more pet lovers coming to spoil our animals and keep our home cozy while we are away.

As silly as it may seem, I feel more excited about our trip knowing that our pets will be happy. It's hard to go away and relax when you are worried about your dog, wondering if she is stressed. That is no longer an issue. It's also a relief to know that, when the children inevitably start missing the pets, we can share photos e-mailed to my husband's phone (which he will be taking with him).

Thank you pet sitters everyone for offering love to our pets, important members of our family, and for providing peace of mind for the family members who love them.

See you on April 4th!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Family Dynamics

March 14th, 2016

Who are you? I mean in your family. What is your role? Where do you fit in the puzzle of your family? Whenever I offer a team building workshop for small groups I like to explore this question. We are complex human beings. We may be controlling and bossy at work then dependent and quiet at home. Each environment brings out a different aspect of us.

The thing is, we often walk right into the same role at work and in our romantic relationship as we had in our family of origin. Were you the peacemaker at home? Are you the only one still talking to everyone at work? The one every member of the team confides in? Were you a caregiver when you were growing up, caring for an alcoholic parent? You may be determined to marry someone who doesn't drink but you end up with someone who depends on you in other ways. Are all your employers incompetent people who need your expertise to succeed, just another expression of the same pattern.

If each employee is carrying a role from his/her family of origin but is unaware of it, then each conflict at work is perceived as new and unique to that specific working relationship. What happens when you recognize a pattern, when you realize that this is just an extension of your previous role from your family of origin? It depersonalizes the conflict at work, it brings you back to the original relationship to figure out what needs to be resolved. You can make choices from a place of awareness. The intensity of the conflict vanishes. You are able to question your perception. "Are they excluding me or am I imagining that they would prefer it if I didn't join them because I felt like an outsider in my family of origin"? The ability to check the validity of your perceptions is empowering.

Have you ever noticed how the same family story can be told differently by the family members who were there? We carry our stories with us. We tell our partner, our children, our friends and colleagues our version of these stories. They become a part of our identity. They influence the way we interact with others, our expectations of them. We change, our loved ones change but we interact as if everything is the same. Isn't it funny how we become 5 years old when we bump into our kindergarten teacher. We are full grown with children of our own but we find ourselves greeting her the same way, with the same tone: "Hello Mrs Birke"!

We project these behaviors onto new people. We transfer our fear of parents onto authority figures, our desire to please to other men or women, our competitiveness from our siblings to our colleagues. Take a moment to become conscious of the impact your roles have on your current life.

1-What was your job in your family of origin? Did you make people laugh, stir up trouble, create chaos, rebel, keep the peace, compete, make yourself invisible, do all the work, try to be perfect?
2-Who were your allies in the family (people who supported you)?
3-Were you in a coalition with someone (ganging up against someone else)?
4-Were you the black sheep (different/outsider)?
5-What were the rules in your family (even if they were never spoken)?
6- What were your family's expectations of you? Were you expected to take over the family business, marry someone from your culture or religion, get rich and support your family?
7-What did your family stand for and value? (success, family, patriotism, community involvement, education, athletics)
8-How would you qualify the relationship between your parents and among your family members? (intimate, close, loving, supportive or cold, divided, chaotic, violent, numb)

Once you've answered these questions, examine your current lifestyle and relationships, at home and at work. Can you see the connections between your life and your foundation? I would be very surprised if you didn't. Once you make peace with your family of origin and heal early wounds, the troubling people in your present will lose their hold on you.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

I Do

February 25th, 2016

Growing up, you read fairy tales about princesses who are beautiful-birds landing on their outstretched index finger and cute forest creatures gathering to hear them sing. The princess is in trouble, usually because of a step mother or evil witch who covets the princess's beauty. The princess nearly dies but her prince saves her. In the nick of time, he swoops in on his white horse and battles the dragon or kisses her lips and revives her. Then, of course, they live happily ever after. There is never a sequel. What does it mean to live happily ever after? What would that look like?

As a young girl, you idealize your dad. He is your prince. He is strong, he protects you and loves you. You draw him pictures and hug him tight, holding onto his neck. You feel safe. As a young woman, when you like a guy, you project your fantasies onto him. Is he THE ONE?

There are so many beginnings to a relationship: hot, blind and fiery, you just love exploring each other's bodies but you really know nothing about each other (less talking, more kissing), friends first, you develop feelings for a guy friend and have to get through the awkward stage of "Oh My God, this is my friend I'm kissing", love-at-first-sight, you meet a total stranger and feel like you've come home, everything feels familiar and right about this person or, hate-lust, couples who start out as archenemies until, one day, during one of their arguments, there is a kiss, followed by bliss. They fight and make-up over and over again and, they wouldn't have it any other way. There are plenty more ways to get started but, you get the point.

So, what happens next? Eventually, things get more serious, they stop seeing other people, they move in together and, eventually commit (maybe through marriage or just an agreement). Sometimes, immediately after the commitment, one of the partners panics and attempts to sabotage it (I'm trapped, can't breathe). There can be a long stretch of time where both parties feel safe, comfortable, proud and hopeful for the future.

If you have children, things get a little tricky. You have a fantasy in your mind of what that will be like, so does he. Do they match? Do you understand each other's expectations? You imagine yourself getting pregnant right away, calling everyone to share the great news, you look radiant, you and the baby are healthy, your partner is interested in going to every appointment and hearing all the details of your pregnancy, the baby comes on its due date, you squat and push that baby out in record time, you hold your baby in your arms and you are the picture of motherhood, your newborn latches on perfectly, sleeps through the night, a swarm of visitors come to see you and the baby, your husband exudes love and pride as he looks into your eyes, your life is exactly the same as before except you bring the baby along. Cue the sound of the needle scratching the record. If you have children, you recognize the sarcasm here. Things rarely happen perfectly. You may not conceive, throw up for the first semester, go through complications, experience a hellish childbirth, have trouble breastfeeding or end up with a colicky baby. This is real life.

This is where your relationship grows. You need each other. There are challenges and you must figure out how to get through them. Four months of sleepless nights were not part of the fairytale. I don't recall the stretch marks and mood swings being in there either. So there you are, two people who love each other but who are being tested. You may both be tired, worried and stressed. How will you handle this? Will you blame your partner, leave, have an affair, work late or communicate, come up with a plan and tackle this together? Maybe you'll try all of these until you find what works.

You may not have any children. You meet someone, become a couple, work, travel, entertain friends and enjoy leisure activities together. Life will still present a few hurdles to strengthen your relationship. You lose your job, his mother becomes ill, the in-laws are intrusive or you just get bored after a few years. Each of you wonders: "Is this it"? Once again, you have a choice. How will you face the challenge? Will you remember that you're on the same team? It's scary when times get rough. You think about the divorce statistics, you worry that you won't make it. Will things get better or is this the end?

My husband and I will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary in August. We have two amazing daughters, ages 10 and 7. His business is thriving. I have changed jobs and now work from home. We are in such a good place right now. However, we have been through our share of issues and there were times I'm sure we both wanted to punch each other's brains out. We each had some baggage and every conflict caused us to unpack a bit at a time. We know our triggers and patterns. We have seen each other at our worst but also witnessed our strength, devotion and compassion. We have our date night every week and we spend time together when the girls are in school. We still make each other laugh, pushing the boundaries until one of us says: "OK that's enough, this has gone too far". I love him in a completely different way. I used to look at him, the way he dressed, the spikes in his hair, his goatee, his green eyes, I loved the way he held my hand or acted silly in public, I enjoyed working out together then eating delicious vietnamese food or watching him at work, so skilled and competent.

My favourite moments now are watching him show our youngest how to start a terrific fire in the fireplace or how to cook delicious soup. I love seeing our eldest cuddle up with him and tell him about her day. The girls love his silliness and the way he throws them into the pool in the summer. I love hearing them squeal with delight as they run down the hallway when he makes monster noises and chases them. It feels good to eat supper together, walk the dog as a family or go out for ice cream. I still enjoy watching him work, we hold hands every night as we relax in front of the tv before bed, we never run out of jokes and we eat vietnamese food weekly.

We need longer fairy tales to teach us what real relationships look like when two people agree to love one another, even when it's hard. To show young people what it feels like to get to the other side, stronger, humbler and, more compassionate.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Love in Long Term Care

February 14th, 2016

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

We associate Valentine's Day with romance, couples who are madly in love. We have all these ideas about what that love looks like: a romantic dinner, flowers, hot new lingerie and wild sex, holding hands, kissing, hugging, snuggling in front of a roaring fireplace, drinking champagne...roll the footage. I'd like to share some stories of real love I witnessed in long term care.

The nursing staff and personal support workers love their residents. They know them intimately and care for them every day. Despite a lot of media attention on staff who are abusive to residents, the majority of the staff I knew were caring individuals who went beyond the call of duty to ensure their residents were comfortable and happy. I have watched big, beefy men hold the hand of a frail elderly lady while feeding her at lunch time. She eats really slowly and has to stop often because she gets tired or chokes on her food. I see him rub her back, take his time and chat with her as he would with his own mom.

What about the nurse who is walking around the lounge of the locked unit? She is administering meds. Most of these residents are non-verbal. They look bored and withdrawn. She plays music and waltzes with the residents and she makes her way across the room. They are happy to see this nurse and their faces light up as she dances with them or teases them.

The maintenance worker who stops working and sits next to a lonely elderly man. He is anxious and rubs his hands together. He says he feels useless and has nothing to do. The maintenance worker says he needs company. The elderly man walks with him as he cleans, they talk about hockey, travelling, children, music. I hear them laughing down the hall. Once a week, this employee stays late to play cards in this resident's room.

The ladies at reception who take a moment to hear all about a resident's worries about her family. One resident needs new underwear but her son, who uses her money to support his drinking habit, won't pay for them. The ladies each pitch in and put money into her account so she can order new underwear from a catalogue.

The recreation staff who celebrate every birthday, help residents feel included and provide fun activities every day so residents have something to look forward to when they get out of bed every day. They bring a sweater so the resident won't be cold, they hold onto the walker as they stroll down the hall so the resident won't walk too fast and fall down, they involve family members so they visit more often and they organize activities that are meaningful to their residents.

I have watched elderly couples who have been through so much together. Theirs is a tender love: a peck on the cheek, holding hands, leaving their dessert for the partner who loves sweets, buttoning their partner's sweater because his arthritic fingers make it difficult, pushing the wheelchair to the dining room or to various activities. If the spouse doesn't live at the facility, seeing them come for a visit, bringing a treat, wearing their favorite sweater, helping them eat, taking them out for the day, all done with love and gentleness.

One year, I asked family members to share love stories about their loved ones. The response was immediate. I received stories expressing love for their parents who had loved and cared for them. Some stories were about how the parents met and fell in love. Other stories were about the daughter or sons deep love and respect for his/her parents. There were stories about a resident's love of art or nature, a passion for cooking, airplanes or fashion. The families really came through and each story was framed and hung next to the resident's room. It is beautiful to watch grown men and women be so loving and nurturing with their frail elderly parent. Whether they are feeding them, clothing them for an outing, pulling up a chair or helping them up, it is a beautiful sight.

There was a gentleman who was engaged to a beautiful young woman. She had a stroke and complications. She was admitted into long term care where she would live for the remainder of her life. She wasn't able to speak, she drooled and had to be fed. Her fiancé came to see her every day after work. He often brought her flowers or some kind of treat. They sat in the lounge together, holding hands.

People fear long term care facilities. They see them as cold institutional places but all of these stories happened there. It is where I witnessed love every day of the week.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Pet Power

February 10th, 2016

Every morning I wake up to the clicking sound of our dog's nails on the wooden stairs as she comes up to greet us. Our golden lab, Sweetie, jumps onto the side of the bed and licks my hand. She jumps down and goes over to my husband, Vincent. She licks his face. One of us gets up with her. Her tail is wagging and she is just so happy to be alive. She follows us down the stairs. We let her out into the yard. When she returns, we pet her and give her a Milk bone. Then, she is off to wake up the girls. They are so excited to see her. They love watching her happy face as she tries to jump onto their bed (not going to happen). The girls pet and hug her. What a great way to wake up!

When it's time to get on the bus to school, Vincent takes the dog out with the girls. They often wish they could stay home. They hate wearing snow pants. They may be feeling quite grumpy. However, Vincent throws the ball countless times and the dog chases the ball and brings it back for more. They hide from the dog, behind our truck, and she barks at them to come out and play. They throw snowballs and watch her catch them, and eat them. All of her craziness makes our morning routine enjoyable. Her presence calms jangled nerves and makes everyone laugh.

When the girls come home after school, they see the dog and give her hugs. They look forward to seeing her and our cat, George. I never wanted a cat because I had only ever met cats who were unpredictable. I feared that our children would pull his tail and get their faces scratched. However, our cat is the mellowest cat ever! He should get an award for all that he endures. As soon as the girls walk into the house, they are looking for the cat. They pick him up and hug him. He is generally sleeping in a warm spot, his fur all dishevelled and warm. He hears the girls' squealing as they set eyes on him and he braces for impact. They pick him up, hug him, carry him (bottom's up), and pretend he is flying through the air like Super Cat. He hangs out, purring.

If one of the girls has had a bad day, she will spend extra time with the pets getting some quiet comfort before she is ready or willing to talk about her day. I feel so grateful for our pets. They bring love, comfort, predictability, fun and calm into our home and our lives. When the girls have friends over, they always want to play with our cat because he is so calm. They also love the playful energy from our dog. The pets make our house feel like a home.

We overlook the importance of pets not only to provide a sense of safety to children but also to get us out of the house for exercise and, to give children an opportunity to care for another human being. The girls love giving our dog her Milk bone on weekends or filling her water bowl or brushing the cat's fur. They love getting the pets a treat or a new toy at the store. They enjoy taking the dog to a nearby trail. There is lots of excitement and giggling on the way to the park.

When I take the girls out to toboggan, the dog bites the tip of the sled and pulls the girls all over the hill. When we eat outside, the dog entertains us as she does a number of tricks, hoping that someone will throw a piece of steak or corn on the cob her way. When it's bath time and the girls don't want to get in the bath, I can always count on Sweetie to break the ice by trying to be the first one in. When the girls hate their supper, they know they can get the dog to eat whatever gets slipped under the table. (I wish I'd had a dog when I was growing up). In pretty much every memory there is the dog and, none of it would be as fun without her. Thank you to both our pets, Sweetie Pie and George, for making our lives happier and fuller.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Interview with a 40+ year old woman-HS

February 5th, 2016

When HS was 34 years old, she thought to herself that if she was still in the same spot in 10 years she would cry. She was facing a career crisis and decided to leave her stable, permanent position to pursue something more meaningful.

On her 39th birthday, she had a meltdown and cried. She was upset about not being where she expected to be by her 39th birthday. She was divorced, she had no children and she struggled with her career. She questioned everything about her life, starting with: Where did the last decade go? She looked at her grandma's silver and felt sad, she had no one to serve. She worried that, without children, she had no legacy to leave behind.

Two days after her 39th birthday she found out her sister's children were being taken away. She stepped in and took over the care of her niece and nephew, a 5 and 10 year old with high needs. She became a crisis parent and had to redefine herself as a family person. This was a sudden switch. She had adjusted to life after divorce. She enjoyed an active life with friends and many social and cultural outings. She loved to go dancing.

Suddenly, she was on house arrest. CAS is very strict regarding the people who are allowed to supervise the children so she couldn't leave them with a babysitter. She had no night off, no relief. She was no longer herself, just a parent. She worried that her chances of ever getting married were getting slim to impossible. It was challenging enough to find a man who would take on a woman and her children but she was raising someone else's children. On top of all this, she needed to switch jobs again. She had found meaningful work with a non-profit but her pay could not support the children. She set off to find a higher paying job that would help her provide for the children even if it wasn't the type of work that brought her any joy. The children came first.

This was her life as she turned 40. Then, 14 months after she had become a mom, her niece and nephew were adopted by another relative. Now she was grieving. In the past year, she had lost her dog, her horse and now the children that she imagined would be with her forever. The stress of it all affected her performance at work and when they went through restructuring she lost her job. The stress was causing health issues as well. She felt like the last few decades were like a revolving door and she had been spit out, weakened and alone.

She felt old. "In your 30s you can fake being in your 20s but by your 40s there's no turning back. No one calls you Miss anymore". HS got fed up of looking back and grieving. She was surrounded by older women who were healthy and thriving. She decided to look forward instead and she thinks this saved her. She sat down and wrote a bucket list. She wanted to try things she was interested in because "you can't control what life throws at you but you can keep trying". She thought about the next 10-20 years and asked herself what she'd like those years to look like. She knew she couldn't make healthy decisions from an unhealthy place so she began running, even on days she didn't feel like it. She waited until six months had passed since the children were adopted before she made any important decisions. She had felt the urge to sell everything and travel but she knew to allow some grieving time before she moved forward. She sorted through which opportunities she'd like to pursue. She was determined to knock on doors and see which ones would open.

HS is now 43 years old. She has written two books and is completing her PhD. Attending University has been a humbling experience. The student life is reminiscent of her 20s yet everything is different: a lot of information is online, her fellow students have their own jargon which she doesn't understand and learning requires more work than she remembers. However, she looks at her older friends and is inspired by them. "They have a sparkle in their eyes, they are fit and living their life. I want to be like them when I'm older". She feels like she has pressed a reset button and is starting a new chapter in her life. She no longer feels stuck on a train track heading nowhere. She has heard stories of people who did their best work in their later years. She plans to have the most productive years ahead of her. The work on her PhD is very meaningful and therapeutic.

If she could start over she would undo her marriage. She would socialize differently and marry someone else. She also would have completed a more practical degree like psychology or law. She feels that if she had been better supported as a child, she would have been more aware and recognized red flags like the ones her ex-husband was throwing her way.

HS is proud that she managed to get through the challenging times. Despite these difficult experiences, she has remained "young and hopeful rather than falling into anger and bitterness". She perceives the midlife crisis as an adult temper tantrum. "When you are younger you try to make things go your way then you realize it isn't working and you freak out. As you get older, you learn to go with the flow".

At this time in her life, she is trying to make healthy decisions that are authentic, not based on fears and panic. She treats her current fears the same way as the monster under the bed when she was a child. You are afraid of the monster under the bed but you get up and go to the washroom anyways. HS finds that physical activities in nature are the best outlets for her stress. It is where she goes to recharge. When she introduces others to nature, she feels energized. She has many friends she can turn to for support but a lot of them live far away so she is grateful for Skype. She has a better understanding of what is going on with her at this age and has learned to ask for what she needs. She no longer struggles with being on her own. She has less energy than she used to so she tends to collaborate with others. She gets energy from these collaborations and the many projects she leads.

One day, when she has completed her PhD and has a permanent job, HS would like to take a single mom under her wing. She thinks our individualistic culture neglects people who require support. "People have so much potential, they just need to feel supported, not so alone". She is passionate about including every member of society into the community and providing the necessary support so everyone has a chance.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Fitness-Zumba Kids

January 19th, 2016

As many of you know, I am determined to get my body back to its regular size. I don't feel like this is my body right now. It's not that I want to get "wafer thin" again, I just want to feel healthy. When we moved out here, I was looking for a Fitness class for pregnant women. I contacted a trainer and she said she was not comfortable taking on a pregnant client. Once I'd had my daughter, the trainer was willing to teach a Mommy and Me fitness class. I was very excited! Unfortunately, I was the only one who lasted beyond six weeks. Most moms dropped out by week 3. The trainer could not afford to keep training me, it wasn't lucrative enough for her.

There are so many gyms in the area but none of them have child care. This makes it challenging for moms with little ones to get into a regular workout routine. I had signed up for Zumba in the evening, once a week. The instructor was funny and enthusiastic and I love dancing to latin music so it was very enjoyable. However, every week, I would drive to class at the speed of light trying to be there on time after feeding the children, bathing them (they would be in bed by the time I returned and had school the next day) and picking up the babysitter. It was stressful and exhausting. I thought to myself: "There has got to be a better way".

I've participated in group cleanses where I cut out caffeine, wheat, dairy and sugar. I feel great but I am unable to maintain that diet long term. I purchased videos targeting my gut and butt. They are fun but I get bored of them especially if I don't see any results. It can be challenging to workout in my walk-in closet three times a week undisturbed by children or pets.

Last year, there was an evening Drumfit session at my daughters' school for the entire family. I took the girls to the class and we all had fun. I was ready to sign us up but it was a one shot deal. I was really disappointed. Drumfit and Zumba have been my favourite types of workout so far. They get you moving (cardio), you hear great music which helps to keep me motivated and, I get to dance, something I enjoy. I contacted the Zumba instructor to see if she might offer a family Zumba class. She replied that she was not trained in child Zumba.

I was intrigued. I searched the Zumba site www.zumba.com and found that you can take a Zumba Kids and Zumba Kids Jr Instructor course. My interest was piqued. I would love to provide classes for parents and their kids so everyone can stay healthy. It is so much fun to workout together. Kids love the music and get into their own groove. Parents can meet others with children in the same age group. Currently, there is no training in the area but I am keeping my eyes peeled and as soon as there is training nearby, I am doing this. As a mom, who loves dancing, latin music, children and community building, this would be so much fun!

Stay tuned everyone! Fitness Fun for the whole Family is coming your way :)

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Mental Health-Dementia

January 11th, 2016

I was driving around today, wondering what to write about. An idea popped into my mind. My last field placement, as I completed the two-year graduate art therapy program, was on a locked dementia unit. I had worked with children, I enjoyed leading group sessions at Women's College Hospital with outpatients and I thought I would bring art therapy to older adults.

I spent time in two different long term care facilities. In one facility, I travelled with an art cart from the floor for active older adults, to the "low mobility" unit, doing art in their rooms. I also offered a few group sessions on the dementia unit's activity room. In the second facility, I mostly spent time going to resident's rooms on the dementia unit.

I wish someone had filmed my first month with patients diagnosed with dementia. I really wanted to connect with them, enrich their lives, bring some joy to the unit itself. However, I knew nothing about working with this population and they frightened me. I quickly learned never to lean over in front of a seemingly frail, confused man. Some instincts are alive and well and my back end was grabbed more times than I can count. Ditto for leaning forward while feeding a resident in a geriatric chair. The residents were all seated in a main area and some were non-verbal, others were too confused and couldn't tell me their name. I would introduce myself and ask their name. No response. I would look at the name on the door closest to where they were sitting. "Are you Mrs Boucher?" They would nod. The nurse who happened to walk by would inform me that Mrs Boucher was at bingo, this was Mrs Finnigan. The resident would respond with indifference, "What she said". I had to learn their names so I could document who I had visited. I made a note next to each name to recognize them next time as well as some warnings such as, bites, spits, yells, grabs etc. so I could keep myself safe.

I doubted my sanity for thinking I could do art therapy with this population. I am ashamed to admit that I pre-judged them. The first thing that caught my attention was the reaction of residents when I came to work. I had only been there a week or so when I walked onto the unit and headed for the nurse's station. I heard people getting up from the glider chairs and walkers being clinked together and wheels gliding on the carpet. The residents who normally sat in the main entrance, bored, an empty look in their eyes were walking over to me. They were asking me: "What are we doing today?" or "Were you looking for me?". Even the non-verbal lady came over, smiling and rubbed my back, waiting. I was moved by this response because it proved that they have an emotional memory. They may not remember my name, most of them called me "Hey, girl" but they recognized my face and remembered that they liked me, or at least, liked what they did with me. The residents have a very different response to staff who show up to bathe them. They hate baths.

I loved working with this population, once I learned how to communicate with them. They lose their inhibitions so you are less likely to hear them say: "Oh no, I'm not an artist". They have a great sense of humour and are very spontaneous. They love to be with other people and many of them crave colour. They love to party, to dance, sing and create. I took photos of them enjoying their life and posted them at the door to the dining room. That way, they had something to look at while they waited to get into the dining room and their loved ones could see these photos as well. They don't remember the fun they had but when they see themselves, they are excited, "Hey that's me" they'll say and laugh.

I engaged families to help us connect with their loved one. They shared loved stories about their parents for Valentine's Day. I posted each story next to the resident's door along with a photograph of them as a younger adult. This served as a reminder to anyone who entered the room that this person wasn't always this way. They were each individuals with a story, worthy of dignity. For non-verbal residents in geriatric chairs, creating placemats of photos with subtitles for their table-top provided a glimpse for staff into the resident's life, values, traditions. Instead of walking past them, they might stop and read the information and comment on what a lovely family they have. It also helped the residents feel less isolated because they could see photos of their loved ones.

I discovered a creative streak in one of the residents I visited weekly. She became non-verbal and I wondered if she was still interested in participating in our sessions. I used collage with her. She had been telling me about her life, she had suffered a great deal. As her language skills diminished, I brought magazines and clipped out images she could choose. I would then place them on piece of paper and ask her to move them to where she wanted them. Once they were all organized, I would glue them and she would paint colours around them, giving them a background. One day, she picked out a deer. She wrote: "Poor Dear" and filled the background with blue. The paint was dripping, it looked like tears. It was absolutely appropriate considering all she had been through. I know there was meaning to her art, it wasn't just a coincidence.

When I was hired to continue my work on this unit, I quickly became an advocate for my 40 residents. I was determined to take them to the art gallery for art workshops. I had volunteers and the art gallery was willing to work with my group but the facility would not let us use the bus. They feared that someone would get lost, residents might fall and injure themselves and they wouldn't remember it anyways. I was so angry. I contacted a local funeral parlour and they agreed to take 8 residents in their limousine. We signed a contract and the residents were able to take a sculpting class, a painting class, a drawing class and a photography class. Once we had attended these workshops, my contract with that company ended. I had made my point, they deserved to get out and enjoy life too.

If your loved one has been diagnosed with dementia, the best thing you can do is spend time with them, talk to them even if they don't respond, list all the things they once loved and plan something fun each time you see them: watch an old movie, listen to music, go for a walk, plant some herbs, eat a yummy treat, hold hands, share photographs, read poetry or a book they might like to your loved one, bring grandchildren and pets, carry on traditions, don't exclude them. What they taught me is no matter what they are saying or doing, they see you, they hear you and all they want is for you to hear and see them and, of course, love them.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org