December 15th, 2016
I was working as my husband's assistant yesterday. Once again, I enjoyed it. The day goes by so quickly, you meet interesting people, you hear about their stories and watch them get an impressive makeover. I think there should be a series about a hairstylist and his family featuring all the regular clients. There would be no end to the material this could cover.
I have been very frustrated lately by the lack of babysitters in our area. As a couple with young children, you need to get out and have an adult conversation on a regular basis. You also want to interact in a romantic way, dressing up, having some bubbly and flirting like you used to. Being a parent is rewarding but you need support and I do not feel that there are adequate supports out there. In some cultures, the mothers have large families and their sisters, mothers, aunts form a huge support system. When you only have one parent or no siblings and you don't live in a culture that promotes the support of parents, it's easy to forget that you exist outside of this role. It can be challenging to stay connected and sexually active with your spouse.
In the absence of support from a family system, modern couples are forced to depend on strangers to watch over their little ones while they get out for some adult time. We were so lucky to have the same babysitter for years. She lived up the road, we knew her mother and she was great with our children. Our daughters loved her and always looked forward to her visits. Her mother was an elementary school teacher. She would often send some craft materials for our children to explore with her daughter. In short, those years were blissful.
Then, she grew up, got a real job and we set off on our search for a new sitter. The girls were heartbroken but when they met a friend of their old babysitter, they were hooked. She was very outgoing and affectionate and the girls were so excited. However, she decided that she could only babysit once a month due to her other job and school and her tutor. We try to get out for supper every week. She recommended her friend. We met with her, the girls saw her long, beautiful hair and were hopeful. They love doing each other's hair and nails. She came over to babysit once or twice but she wasn't available on a few occasions and didn't let me know. She also cancelled at the last minute and asked me to drive her 30 minutes away to a party on another night. This all happened in a six week period. As much as the girls loved her, we needed someone more reliable.
I learned that there was a local network of babysitters on Facebook. I signed up and e-mailed a bunch of them. Some had moved away or were just available in the summer months, most were not willing to come on a weekly basis. Teens whose parents are divorced are often only available when they are with one of their parents, the one who lives in our neighbourhood. We seem to be stuck between two age groups. The older sitters have their own cars but they are busy with part-time jobs or social engagements therefore they are more interested in occasional sitting. The younger sitters will grow with our girls. They are more available but it takes forever to meet them because they have to figure out a time that one of their parents can come with them to check you out. If they don't live close by, you may have a 25 minute drive after each date night. We are waiting to meet with a 14 year old potential babysitter and her mother. Will she be the one? I hope so, we are exhausted and the poor girls have been disappointed over and over again.
As I looked at the Babysitter Facebook page, I noticed just how many families have requested help for one day a week or one segment of each weekday. I said to my husband, if I didn't have my own children, I would just create a calendar with the information from all these families and make a business of it. You could make a killing, there are so many families in need. We only need to go out for two-three hours every Saturday night and we pay well. It shouldn't be that difficult to find someone. We have two well-behaved, adorable girls who are so easy to watch. I can't imagine how hard it must be for parents with younger children or a child with special needs.
If you are a teenager or the parent of a teenager, there is a need for decent babysitters. Couples like us are looking for you, to be part of our village, to make us stronger as a couple and a family thanks to a more balanced life which includes down time and romance.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Thursday, 15 December 2016
Thursday, 17 November 2016
A Dog Named Raiden
November 17th, 2016
It's been a hectic week. My daughters were sick so there were doctor's appointments and the girls were not in school which means I got nothing done. Then I got sick. I had to move my Mommy Monologues around and postpone a few art therapy appointments in order to not contaminate my clients. I was feeling exhausted and stressed then this happened...
A friend's dog went missing. A large Akita named Raiden. I saw a Facebook post. They didn't know where he was but I felt pretty confident he would turn up, he's a big dog. I got busy and life went on then I saw another post. He was still missing. I started thinking they may not find him. After I put the girls on the bus, I told my husband I would go for a walk and look for Raiden. I know the mom of that family, a sweet, local yoga instructor and, her daughter is in my daughter's class. They are a great family and, that kid is just the sweetest girl ever. It broke my heart that she might lose her dog.
As I walked around our property looking for Raiden, it felt like I was just one person trying to help out. However, once I left my property and walked around the neighbourhood, I heard a man calling out for the dog in a nearby wooded area. I assumed he must be the dad. My heart went out to him. Now, there were two of us looking for the dog. I saw a lady driving slowly in my direction. I wondered if she had spotted the dog. I saw her put something in a mailbox. I thought she was delivering a newspaper or flyers. I kept walking. As I approached her car, she asked me if I wanted a flyer. It had Raiden's photo on it. I explained that I was also looking for him and had a milk bone in my pocket, just in case. She confessed to also having a milk bone in her pocket. We laughed and I grabbed a few flyers.
She had already driven through the community I was heading into so I turned around and walked back toward my house, intending to get in the car and drive in the opposite direction. I saw a man walking a dog. It was a big dog. I wondered if that was the man who had been calling Raiden's name and, if that was Raiden on his leash. I walked faster. As I neared them, I saw that this was another dog. However, the man saw the poster in my hands and we talked about where he had been and where I was going to go so we could plan out our next move. I gave him a poster. He had walked all over his five acre property and had checked neighbouring fields and barns. People gave him permission to inspect their barns and property in case the dog was resting there. I felt so proud to live in this community. The lady in the van caught up to us and the man pointed out some more barns that might be good hiding spots. He also told her the construction workers on the next street should get a poster because they were there all day, every day of the week. We parted ways, he walked north, back to his home. The van lady headed west to deliver more flyers and speak with the construction workers and, I walked south to return to my home. Just as I was about to reach my home, I saw someone else I recognized. She was driving around, looking for Raiden. I gave her a poster.
My husband and I drove to a nearby community for lunch. We took a detour to look for the dog. We each checked out our side of the car. I gave the waitress a copy of the poster and asked her to put it up in case someone recognized the dog. She was very responsive and took the flyer immediately. This morning, as soon as I got up, I checked Facebook and saw photos of the reunion. I was so excited for them! They had been out looking for him at night and found him stuck in the mud. The vet made a house call and checked on him. He was tired but otherwise ok.
This experience warmed my heart. All we hear about right now is Donald Trump, racism, riots, the revival of the kkk and gloomy predictions regarding the future of the USA. However, my direct experience out here in my neck of the woods showed me what an awesome community I live in. Where strangers come together to look for a missing dog. Where people care about each other, worry for someone else's pet and cheer heartily when the family is reunited. I am so happy to be in this community. You rock, Kemptville!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
It's been a hectic week. My daughters were sick so there were doctor's appointments and the girls were not in school which means I got nothing done. Then I got sick. I had to move my Mommy Monologues around and postpone a few art therapy appointments in order to not contaminate my clients. I was feeling exhausted and stressed then this happened...
A friend's dog went missing. A large Akita named Raiden. I saw a Facebook post. They didn't know where he was but I felt pretty confident he would turn up, he's a big dog. I got busy and life went on then I saw another post. He was still missing. I started thinking they may not find him. After I put the girls on the bus, I told my husband I would go for a walk and look for Raiden. I know the mom of that family, a sweet, local yoga instructor and, her daughter is in my daughter's class. They are a great family and, that kid is just the sweetest girl ever. It broke my heart that she might lose her dog.
As I walked around our property looking for Raiden, it felt like I was just one person trying to help out. However, once I left my property and walked around the neighbourhood, I heard a man calling out for the dog in a nearby wooded area. I assumed he must be the dad. My heart went out to him. Now, there were two of us looking for the dog. I saw a lady driving slowly in my direction. I wondered if she had spotted the dog. I saw her put something in a mailbox. I thought she was delivering a newspaper or flyers. I kept walking. As I approached her car, she asked me if I wanted a flyer. It had Raiden's photo on it. I explained that I was also looking for him and had a milk bone in my pocket, just in case. She confessed to also having a milk bone in her pocket. We laughed and I grabbed a few flyers.
She had already driven through the community I was heading into so I turned around and walked back toward my house, intending to get in the car and drive in the opposite direction. I saw a man walking a dog. It was a big dog. I wondered if that was the man who had been calling Raiden's name and, if that was Raiden on his leash. I walked faster. As I neared them, I saw that this was another dog. However, the man saw the poster in my hands and we talked about where he had been and where I was going to go so we could plan out our next move. I gave him a poster. He had walked all over his five acre property and had checked neighbouring fields and barns. People gave him permission to inspect their barns and property in case the dog was resting there. I felt so proud to live in this community. The lady in the van caught up to us and the man pointed out some more barns that might be good hiding spots. He also told her the construction workers on the next street should get a poster because they were there all day, every day of the week. We parted ways, he walked north, back to his home. The van lady headed west to deliver more flyers and speak with the construction workers and, I walked south to return to my home. Just as I was about to reach my home, I saw someone else I recognized. She was driving around, looking for Raiden. I gave her a poster.
My husband and I drove to a nearby community for lunch. We took a detour to look for the dog. We each checked out our side of the car. I gave the waitress a copy of the poster and asked her to put it up in case someone recognized the dog. She was very responsive and took the flyer immediately. This morning, as soon as I got up, I checked Facebook and saw photos of the reunion. I was so excited for them! They had been out looking for him at night and found him stuck in the mud. The vet made a house call and checked on him. He was tired but otherwise ok.
This experience warmed my heart. All we hear about right now is Donald Trump, racism, riots, the revival of the kkk and gloomy predictions regarding the future of the USA. However, my direct experience out here in my neck of the woods showed me what an awesome community I live in. Where strangers come together to look for a missing dog. Where people care about each other, worry for someone else's pet and cheer heartily when the family is reunited. I am so happy to be in this community. You rock, Kemptville!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 3 November 2016
Halloween and our Sense of Community
November 3rd, 2016
On Monday, like every other parent, we took our children trick or treating. They got dressed up, applied their face make-up and grabbed a pillow case. We visited our friends' houses first then we headed out to the homes of strangers.
As the children walked from door to door, we bumped into people we know from the community. I got to meet the children of some adults I know through business. The girls got to meet the parents of children they know from school or gymnastics.
As the girls collected candy, we listened to make sure they said thank you. We watched them interacting with adults of all ages and abilities. They pet dogs and cats, talked about their costumes and asked some adults who were dressed-up what they were dressed as.
There is a festive mood in the air as children and their parents walk freely through the streets, enjoying the experience, showing off their costumes, gathering candy like gold and meeting the neighbours.
Recently, when I attended Sources of Strength training, we talked about the resilience of people in Latin America. Two of the factors responsible for this resilience are 1) a sense of belonging to their community and, 2) close ties to their family.
My husband and I are lucky. We get to work from home. This means we spend more time with our children than most people. I was thinking about occasions like Halloween when we get to connect with our community. I like taking the girls to Canada Day celebrations, Pirate Day, Ribfest, the Santa Parade and other local celebrations. We meet local business owners and bump into acquaintances and friends from the community. Going to Gymnastics each week is also an opportunity to get to know other families. We have a Summer Bash every year where we invite the girls' friends and their families. They spend most of the evening in the pool but we get to mingle with parents and expand our circle of friendships.
I believe we would be stronger as a community and as families if there were more opportunities to socialize like block parties, BBQs, game nights and family days. We have many empty buildings in this community. They could be transformed into indoor pools, movie theatres and games areas. I feel safer living in a connected community where my children and I know the names of our neighbours. Don't you?
On Monday, like every other parent, we took our children trick or treating. They got dressed up, applied their face make-up and grabbed a pillow case. We visited our friends' houses first then we headed out to the homes of strangers.
As the children walked from door to door, we bumped into people we know from the community. I got to meet the children of some adults I know through business. The girls got to meet the parents of children they know from school or gymnastics.
As the girls collected candy, we listened to make sure they said thank you. We watched them interacting with adults of all ages and abilities. They pet dogs and cats, talked about their costumes and asked some adults who were dressed-up what they were dressed as.
There is a festive mood in the air as children and their parents walk freely through the streets, enjoying the experience, showing off their costumes, gathering candy like gold and meeting the neighbours.
Recently, when I attended Sources of Strength training, we talked about the resilience of people in Latin America. Two of the factors responsible for this resilience are 1) a sense of belonging to their community and, 2) close ties to their family.
My husband and I are lucky. We get to work from home. This means we spend more time with our children than most people. I was thinking about occasions like Halloween when we get to connect with our community. I like taking the girls to Canada Day celebrations, Pirate Day, Ribfest, the Santa Parade and other local celebrations. We meet local business owners and bump into acquaintances and friends from the community. Going to Gymnastics each week is also an opportunity to get to know other families. We have a Summer Bash every year where we invite the girls' friends and their families. They spend most of the evening in the pool but we get to mingle with parents and expand our circle of friendships.
I believe we would be stronger as a community and as families if there were more opportunities to socialize like block parties, BBQs, game nights and family days. We have many empty buildings in this community. They could be transformed into indoor pools, movie theatres and games areas. I feel safer living in a connected community where my children and I know the names of our neighbours. Don't you?
Wednesday, 12 October 2016
Resilience in Teenagers-A New Tool
October 12th, 2016
I had a very energizing day in Brockville, meeting professionals who were gathered to learn a new tool. The Sources of Strength training is meant to prepare us to lead teenagers to make a difference in their schools and communities. We have all heard about the rising risk of suicide and the need to foster resilience in our children. This training empowers young people to develop resilience through focusing on the skills and resources available to them rather than on daunting, scary statistics .
The skillful leaders shared the Sources of Strength wheel with us. There are eight categories and the goal is to have students identify all the activities, places and people who are there to support them in times of need. The training is about much more than just this wheel but I would like to focus on this wheel for the purpose of this blog because it is a tool that all of us can use to feel more connected, supported and grateful. It's a also a great way to set goals for our personal development. Once we've assessed the areas that require improvement, we can get to work adding people or activities to our social network.
The first slice in the pie is mental health. You need to be clear for yourself how you would define mental health. What does this mean to you? Is it the absence of illness or constant growth and improvement? It's good to stop and ask the hard questions. How is my mental health? How well am I coping with life right now? Do I need assistance? What kind of help would be most beneficial and how can I access it? Sometimes, we deny our vulnerabilities until we are in crisis.
The second section is family support. Is your home a safe place for you? Do you feel loved and supported by your family members? You may need to have a conversation about boundaries or lessen your contact with certain relatives. If your home is not a safe place, where else can you get your sense of belonging, support and love?
The third part of the wheel is positive friends. Sometimes we focus on the amount of friends we have in our life but it's not the quantity that counts, it's the quality. Are you surrounded by loving, positive people? Do you know people who care about you and would be there for you if you needed them? If not, how can you grow and nurture your social network. There are times in life when fitting in more people is a challenge. However, those are often when we need people the most. Think about your schedule and determine if there are groups you could join, individuals you'd like to reach out to or places you can go to connect with like-minded individuals.
Mentors make up the fourth section. We all need role models, people who have made it out of a situation or phase of life who can help us navigate our own journey. As a teenager, you can approach a teacher, local business owner, coach or neighbour. As adults, we can turn to others in our profession or people who excel in areas of life that we have identified as areas for improvement. We are all here to learn from each other and people in general will be happy to be a mentor.
Healthy activities are my favourite part of the pie. You don't need anyone else to participate in this. You pick activities you enjoy that can help alleviate stress, make you healthier, happier, more connected, that can contribute to your growth and development, bring new people in your life and improve quality of life. For me, these include reading, journalling, creating art, writing books, travelling, going to yoga or Zumba classes and going out for coffee at the local coffee shop. What about you? What activities energize you? What do you love to do?
Generosity is another one of the sections. It is a bit more vague but I can see how giving our time and energy to a good cause would improve our life. When you volunteer or help someone else, you feel fortunate, useful and connected to your community. Using your skills to help people in your community is really rewarding. What are your skills? Who could benefit from these skills? How can you put your skills to good use in your community?
Spirituality is another favourite. There were lots of school Chaplains at today's meeting. We are all here for a reason. If we are just living day by day without any thought about where we fit into the grand scheme of things, we can get quite bored. What does spirituality look like for you? How do you express your spirituality? This is a broad section. You may go to Church, belong to a group, meditate or simply volunteer at a hospice. Whatever helps you connect to and feed your soul would be considered spiritual.
Medical access is a tricky one. It is a valid section because this tool was developed in the U.S. where access to medical services is limited. It may not seem applicable here in Canada but I know from working with families where a loved one is battling cancer or raising a special needs child that there are huge gaps in our system as well. Information is power. The more information you gather about this section, the better equipped you will be to advocate for yourself and your family.
I was thrilled to be a part of this training. As you can see, people of all ages can apply this wheel to their life, to uncover strengths and celebrate resources in our communities.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I had a very energizing day in Brockville, meeting professionals who were gathered to learn a new tool. The Sources of Strength training is meant to prepare us to lead teenagers to make a difference in their schools and communities. We have all heard about the rising risk of suicide and the need to foster resilience in our children. This training empowers young people to develop resilience through focusing on the skills and resources available to them rather than on daunting, scary statistics .
The skillful leaders shared the Sources of Strength wheel with us. There are eight categories and the goal is to have students identify all the activities, places and people who are there to support them in times of need. The training is about much more than just this wheel but I would like to focus on this wheel for the purpose of this blog because it is a tool that all of us can use to feel more connected, supported and grateful. It's a also a great way to set goals for our personal development. Once we've assessed the areas that require improvement, we can get to work adding people or activities to our social network.
The first slice in the pie is mental health. You need to be clear for yourself how you would define mental health. What does this mean to you? Is it the absence of illness or constant growth and improvement? It's good to stop and ask the hard questions. How is my mental health? How well am I coping with life right now? Do I need assistance? What kind of help would be most beneficial and how can I access it? Sometimes, we deny our vulnerabilities until we are in crisis.
The second section is family support. Is your home a safe place for you? Do you feel loved and supported by your family members? You may need to have a conversation about boundaries or lessen your contact with certain relatives. If your home is not a safe place, where else can you get your sense of belonging, support and love?
The third part of the wheel is positive friends. Sometimes we focus on the amount of friends we have in our life but it's not the quantity that counts, it's the quality. Are you surrounded by loving, positive people? Do you know people who care about you and would be there for you if you needed them? If not, how can you grow and nurture your social network. There are times in life when fitting in more people is a challenge. However, those are often when we need people the most. Think about your schedule and determine if there are groups you could join, individuals you'd like to reach out to or places you can go to connect with like-minded individuals.
Mentors make up the fourth section. We all need role models, people who have made it out of a situation or phase of life who can help us navigate our own journey. As a teenager, you can approach a teacher, local business owner, coach or neighbour. As adults, we can turn to others in our profession or people who excel in areas of life that we have identified as areas for improvement. We are all here to learn from each other and people in general will be happy to be a mentor.
Healthy activities are my favourite part of the pie. You don't need anyone else to participate in this. You pick activities you enjoy that can help alleviate stress, make you healthier, happier, more connected, that can contribute to your growth and development, bring new people in your life and improve quality of life. For me, these include reading, journalling, creating art, writing books, travelling, going to yoga or Zumba classes and going out for coffee at the local coffee shop. What about you? What activities energize you? What do you love to do?
Generosity is another one of the sections. It is a bit more vague but I can see how giving our time and energy to a good cause would improve our life. When you volunteer or help someone else, you feel fortunate, useful and connected to your community. Using your skills to help people in your community is really rewarding. What are your skills? Who could benefit from these skills? How can you put your skills to good use in your community?
Spirituality is another favourite. There were lots of school Chaplains at today's meeting. We are all here for a reason. If we are just living day by day without any thought about where we fit into the grand scheme of things, we can get quite bored. What does spirituality look like for you? How do you express your spirituality? This is a broad section. You may go to Church, belong to a group, meditate or simply volunteer at a hospice. Whatever helps you connect to and feed your soul would be considered spiritual.
Medical access is a tricky one. It is a valid section because this tool was developed in the U.S. where access to medical services is limited. It may not seem applicable here in Canada but I know from working with families where a loved one is battling cancer or raising a special needs child that there are huge gaps in our system as well. Information is power. The more information you gather about this section, the better equipped you will be to advocate for yourself and your family.
I was thrilled to be a part of this training. As you can see, people of all ages can apply this wheel to their life, to uncover strengths and celebrate resources in our communities.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 26 September 2016
Stop Racial Prejudice Now!
September 26th, 2016
It's my husband's turn to take the kids to gymnastics tonight. My youngest daughter hugs my waist and my eldest says she prefers when my husband takes them because no one stares at them when he's there. She looks at me apologetically and says, "People always stare at us when you're there". It hurts. I know it shouldn't. I should just shake it off but the hurt lingers. It's not that I care what others think of me, I couldn't care less at this point in my life. It's the effect on my daughters. It hurts that my daughters are made uncomfortable at their favourite activity because of the reaction of strangers to the colour of my skin.
I wrote about this before, my surprise during my mother-in-law's visit when she expressed shock at how rude people were at the local public swimming pool. She noticed them staring at us and she later shared her outrage with my husband. I know it used to make my white mother angry when I was young. She would stare back at people or say, "My God people are ignorant"! I didn't understand it at the time. It seemed like a random outburst. One day she was talking to me about how annoying it is that people stare at me and how they need to get used to people who look different. I started noticing it and it really got on my nerves. Now, years later, I am oblivious to it but, once in a while, other people who are with me notice it and, it still hurts.
When you look or behave differently, people judge you. There are two types of stares: ignorant, curious stares from people who have never seen anyone who looks like you so they are just fixated on you. You'll have entire families at a restaurant or park turn to look at you and watch your every move. The second stare is intimidating. These people hate you and they want you to know. You feel on an energy level that they wish you were dead. It's intense, confusing and sad. Any person of colour whether they are black, white, red or yellow, will tell you how it feels to be judged and hated for no other reason that your looks on a daily basis. It is draining and so useless.
I feel so much compassion for families with a disabled family member. I see people stare at them too. They are trying to eat dinner or enjoy a fun activity. People sit and gawk. It's normal to be curious but non-stop, won't look away gawking is annoying. There is one lady who has a son in a wheelchair. She talks to him in a gentle voice, spoon feeding him, joking with people around them to put them at ease and just being so loving. Then, people walk around them, staring, sometimes saying something to each other within ear shot or looking irritated by the sight or sound of them. I find this behaviour frustrating. I wish these people could see the mean and hurtful impact of their attitude.
Tonight, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are having their debate. I am freaked out that he has even made it this far, that enough people support his beliefs and are willing to elect him. Someone was saying that members of the KKK are already ironing their sheets. I worry that even if he is not elected, too much damage has been done, that old prejudices that we all thought were gone will resurface. This would be very sad for all of us but, especially, for the next generation. Their beliefs and behaviours will determine the direction of future generations.
Why am I writing about this? I needed to vent because I was feeling hurt but I also want to get people who don't get judged, excluded or hated on a daily basis to imagine what it's like to live that way, how draining and hurtful it might be. We are not born prejudiced. It is learned behaviour. On Facebook yesterday, they showed an experiment where a group of people from various countries had their DNA tested. They interviewed them before the test and they had all sorts of prejudiced ideas about other people. Then, when the results were in and they saw that no one was 100% pure white, they started to think of other people as family, not strangers. Some of them turned out to be related. I wish everybody could go through a DNA test. Then, they could apply the energy they once used to judge and hate others toward helping and supporting each other.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
It's my husband's turn to take the kids to gymnastics tonight. My youngest daughter hugs my waist and my eldest says she prefers when my husband takes them because no one stares at them when he's there. She looks at me apologetically and says, "People always stare at us when you're there". It hurts. I know it shouldn't. I should just shake it off but the hurt lingers. It's not that I care what others think of me, I couldn't care less at this point in my life. It's the effect on my daughters. It hurts that my daughters are made uncomfortable at their favourite activity because of the reaction of strangers to the colour of my skin.
I wrote about this before, my surprise during my mother-in-law's visit when she expressed shock at how rude people were at the local public swimming pool. She noticed them staring at us and she later shared her outrage with my husband. I know it used to make my white mother angry when I was young. She would stare back at people or say, "My God people are ignorant"! I didn't understand it at the time. It seemed like a random outburst. One day she was talking to me about how annoying it is that people stare at me and how they need to get used to people who look different. I started noticing it and it really got on my nerves. Now, years later, I am oblivious to it but, once in a while, other people who are with me notice it and, it still hurts.
When you look or behave differently, people judge you. There are two types of stares: ignorant, curious stares from people who have never seen anyone who looks like you so they are just fixated on you. You'll have entire families at a restaurant or park turn to look at you and watch your every move. The second stare is intimidating. These people hate you and they want you to know. You feel on an energy level that they wish you were dead. It's intense, confusing and sad. Any person of colour whether they are black, white, red or yellow, will tell you how it feels to be judged and hated for no other reason that your looks on a daily basis. It is draining and so useless.
I feel so much compassion for families with a disabled family member. I see people stare at them too. They are trying to eat dinner or enjoy a fun activity. People sit and gawk. It's normal to be curious but non-stop, won't look away gawking is annoying. There is one lady who has a son in a wheelchair. She talks to him in a gentle voice, spoon feeding him, joking with people around them to put them at ease and just being so loving. Then, people walk around them, staring, sometimes saying something to each other within ear shot or looking irritated by the sight or sound of them. I find this behaviour frustrating. I wish these people could see the mean and hurtful impact of their attitude.
Tonight, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are having their debate. I am freaked out that he has even made it this far, that enough people support his beliefs and are willing to elect him. Someone was saying that members of the KKK are already ironing their sheets. I worry that even if he is not elected, too much damage has been done, that old prejudices that we all thought were gone will resurface. This would be very sad for all of us but, especially, for the next generation. Their beliefs and behaviours will determine the direction of future generations.
Why am I writing about this? I needed to vent because I was feeling hurt but I also want to get people who don't get judged, excluded or hated on a daily basis to imagine what it's like to live that way, how draining and hurtful it might be. We are not born prejudiced. It is learned behaviour. On Facebook yesterday, they showed an experiment where a group of people from various countries had their DNA tested. They interviewed them before the test and they had all sorts of prejudiced ideas about other people. Then, when the results were in and they saw that no one was 100% pure white, they started to think of other people as family, not strangers. Some of them turned out to be related. I wish everybody could go through a DNA test. Then, they could apply the energy they once used to judge and hate others toward helping and supporting each other.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 19 September 2016
Positive Psychology and Community Support
September 19th, 2016
Tonight, I took my girls to their first gymnastics class of the semester. I watch them and give them a thumbs up as they walk the beams, bounce on the trampoline and spin on a tiny pole at impressive heights. They weren't in the same group, much to their disappointment but, they didn't get paired with the mean girl which was an improvement over last semester.
I have started listening to Ted Talks while I watch the class. I have been thinking about the mental health of my children. My eldest feels anxious at night at bedtime. My youngest is totally mellow. My eldest has troubles falling asleep and sleeping on her own. My youngest will sleep anywhere. My eldest always wants to stay home. My youngest and I love going out, seeing people, having adventures. Over the summer, these differences in their temperament is very obvious.
My eldest was anxious about the start of school. She worried about her teachers and classmates. We talked about it. She just couldn't settle. We listened to Headspace, practiced our breathing, I told her stories about our pets to help help her calm down and massaged my daughter's back.
This whole different approach to situations got me thinking about mental health. I read up on childhood depression wondering if my daughter's anxiety was linked to depression. She loves drawing and is really good at it. She hasn't lost interest in this activity. She has friends and was at a party last weekend and has another one next weekend. This reassured me that she wasn't depressed. However, I plan to take her to a reputable acupuncturist for a treatment to see if it can help with her anxiety so she can sleep better at night.
One of the Ted Talks I watched was about Positive Psychology. Martin Seligman talks about our focus on pathology and how this leads people to fear psychiatrists because they feel that they will be judged and that professionals will try to fix them. He explains the need to focus on the strengths of clients not just their challenges. He also poses the question, why aren't we trying to help the average person have a better life?
This has also been on my mind. While I am comforting my eldest, my youngest daughter is not getting attention. While we are focused on people with symptoms, we are missing an opportunity to improve the quality of life of others. Psychology should not just be about solving problems. It is also supposed to study well-being and promote it.
Another interesting talk was provided by Vikram Patel. He explained that there aren't enough professionals for the amount of people struggling with a mental health issue. In some countries where the patients largely outnumber the psychiatrists, they have started training ordinary people to support others while receiving supervision from skilled professionals. He unveiled some significant data which proved that these regular people were making incredible differences.
What if clusters of people were trained to recognize depression, anxiety or risk of suicide and they were paid to perform home visits in their neighbourhood? What if they reported back to local physicians and booked follow-up appointments for clients considered at risk? Would less people go undiagnosed? Would less children fall through the cracks? I think this is a valid solution to our overburdened mental health system. Friendly visitors could provide support, education and referrals all from the comfort of the client's home. This may be the new approach to mental health services-worth considering.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tonight, I took my girls to their first gymnastics class of the semester. I watch them and give them a thumbs up as they walk the beams, bounce on the trampoline and spin on a tiny pole at impressive heights. They weren't in the same group, much to their disappointment but, they didn't get paired with the mean girl which was an improvement over last semester.
I have started listening to Ted Talks while I watch the class. I have been thinking about the mental health of my children. My eldest feels anxious at night at bedtime. My youngest is totally mellow. My eldest has troubles falling asleep and sleeping on her own. My youngest will sleep anywhere. My eldest always wants to stay home. My youngest and I love going out, seeing people, having adventures. Over the summer, these differences in their temperament is very obvious.
My eldest was anxious about the start of school. She worried about her teachers and classmates. We talked about it. She just couldn't settle. We listened to Headspace, practiced our breathing, I told her stories about our pets to help help her calm down and massaged my daughter's back.
This whole different approach to situations got me thinking about mental health. I read up on childhood depression wondering if my daughter's anxiety was linked to depression. She loves drawing and is really good at it. She hasn't lost interest in this activity. She has friends and was at a party last weekend and has another one next weekend. This reassured me that she wasn't depressed. However, I plan to take her to a reputable acupuncturist for a treatment to see if it can help with her anxiety so she can sleep better at night.
One of the Ted Talks I watched was about Positive Psychology. Martin Seligman talks about our focus on pathology and how this leads people to fear psychiatrists because they feel that they will be judged and that professionals will try to fix them. He explains the need to focus on the strengths of clients not just their challenges. He also poses the question, why aren't we trying to help the average person have a better life?
This has also been on my mind. While I am comforting my eldest, my youngest daughter is not getting attention. While we are focused on people with symptoms, we are missing an opportunity to improve the quality of life of others. Psychology should not just be about solving problems. It is also supposed to study well-being and promote it.
Another interesting talk was provided by Vikram Patel. He explained that there aren't enough professionals for the amount of people struggling with a mental health issue. In some countries where the patients largely outnumber the psychiatrists, they have started training ordinary people to support others while receiving supervision from skilled professionals. He unveiled some significant data which proved that these regular people were making incredible differences.
What if clusters of people were trained to recognize depression, anxiety or risk of suicide and they were paid to perform home visits in their neighbourhood? What if they reported back to local physicians and booked follow-up appointments for clients considered at risk? Would less people go undiagnosed? Would less children fall through the cracks? I think this is a valid solution to our overburdened mental health system. Friendly visitors could provide support, education and referrals all from the comfort of the client's home. This may be the new approach to mental health services-worth considering.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 1 July 2016
Canada Day in Kemptville
July 1st, 2016
Happy Canada Day everyone!
Today, I had a lovely time with my youngest daughter, Stella, at Riverside Park in Kemptville. There was a schedule of events on the municipal website. This made it easy for us to plan our day. We headed over to the kids' zone. There was a station set up to create bead necklaces and bracelets. There was also a mural where children could paint their names. We batted balloons with pool noodles and played Plinko. There was a wading pool filled with bubble soap and a variety of wands. Stella and her friend enjoyed creating trails of bubbles as they swirled around. They were also able to dig in the corn pit. It's a sand box filled with corn kernels and sand toys.
We loved watching the dogs running through the obstacle course at 1pm. They even had a few goats climbing the ramps and jumping over the gates. Most dogs needed prompting and coaxing. They had cue words like "weave" for the dogs to walk in between bars in a pattern. Then came the chocolate coloured lab. He was so excited to be there. He ran and jumped and weaved, no cues or prompting needed. We laughed, recognizing our own dog. Surely, Sweetie Pie would be this crazy, just happy to be playing. Since they get rewarded with food, you can be sure the she would complete the obstacle course asap.
We bought some food and snow cones at lunch time and sat with friends. That is what I love about old towns, you know so many people just because you all happen to be going to the same places-same school, same grocers, same bank, same gas station, same coffee shop etc. I worried when we moved out here that there would be nothing to do but, for kids, there are often programs to join and most are way cheaper than what's available in Ottawa.
There were free swims throughout the day. My husband and eldest daughter joined us at 3pm for a swim before the storm hit. There were stuffed ponies you could rent for $4. The children would ride them as the horse moved up and down, really neat. Two tents were devoted to face painting. One had traditional face painting, the other had glittery tattoos. The line ups were a bit long for those so we skipped it, especially since I knew we were going swimming.
I watched the local firefighters show children around the fire truck. Children could also try to control the fire hose with the help of a firefighter. As we watched the the hose spraying everywhere, my daughter told me she needed to pee. There was a port-a-potty nearby. I couldn't see any other option so I took her there and, to my amazement, it was clean and smelled fine. I was very relieved. On our way out, we watched teenagers jumping over bars with their bikes. My daughter was impressed. I was worried, "please don't try this at home". We grabbed some cotton candy and called it a day. Stella wants to go back for fireworks but they aren't until 10pm, way too late for her.
I was born and raised in Ottawa and for the longest time, my Canada Day consisted of trying to walk through crowds of people to watch buskers or lining up for hours in order to get food, watching people who had had too much to drink fight, make out, yell obnoxious comments or throw up. I rarely went out anymore.
I am satisfied with our Canada Day. There was so much to do. Stella got to see some friends. I enjoyed the community spirit and festive atmosphere. Thank you Tammy Hurlbert, coordinator of recreation programs in North Grenville! We had a great time and we were only ten minutes from home.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Happy Canada Day everyone!
Today, I had a lovely time with my youngest daughter, Stella, at Riverside Park in Kemptville. There was a schedule of events on the municipal website. This made it easy for us to plan our day. We headed over to the kids' zone. There was a station set up to create bead necklaces and bracelets. There was also a mural where children could paint their names. We batted balloons with pool noodles and played Plinko. There was a wading pool filled with bubble soap and a variety of wands. Stella and her friend enjoyed creating trails of bubbles as they swirled around. They were also able to dig in the corn pit. It's a sand box filled with corn kernels and sand toys.
We loved watching the dogs running through the obstacle course at 1pm. They even had a few goats climbing the ramps and jumping over the gates. Most dogs needed prompting and coaxing. They had cue words like "weave" for the dogs to walk in between bars in a pattern. Then came the chocolate coloured lab. He was so excited to be there. He ran and jumped and weaved, no cues or prompting needed. We laughed, recognizing our own dog. Surely, Sweetie Pie would be this crazy, just happy to be playing. Since they get rewarded with food, you can be sure the she would complete the obstacle course asap.
We bought some food and snow cones at lunch time and sat with friends. That is what I love about old towns, you know so many people just because you all happen to be going to the same places-same school, same grocers, same bank, same gas station, same coffee shop etc. I worried when we moved out here that there would be nothing to do but, for kids, there are often programs to join and most are way cheaper than what's available in Ottawa.
There were free swims throughout the day. My husband and eldest daughter joined us at 3pm for a swim before the storm hit. There were stuffed ponies you could rent for $4. The children would ride them as the horse moved up and down, really neat. Two tents were devoted to face painting. One had traditional face painting, the other had glittery tattoos. The line ups were a bit long for those so we skipped it, especially since I knew we were going swimming.
I watched the local firefighters show children around the fire truck. Children could also try to control the fire hose with the help of a firefighter. As we watched the the hose spraying everywhere, my daughter told me she needed to pee. There was a port-a-potty nearby. I couldn't see any other option so I took her there and, to my amazement, it was clean and smelled fine. I was very relieved. On our way out, we watched teenagers jumping over bars with their bikes. My daughter was impressed. I was worried, "please don't try this at home". We grabbed some cotton candy and called it a day. Stella wants to go back for fireworks but they aren't until 10pm, way too late for her.
I was born and raised in Ottawa and for the longest time, my Canada Day consisted of trying to walk through crowds of people to watch buskers or lining up for hours in order to get food, watching people who had had too much to drink fight, make out, yell obnoxious comments or throw up. I rarely went out anymore.
I am satisfied with our Canada Day. There was so much to do. Stella got to see some friends. I enjoyed the community spirit and festive atmosphere. Thank you Tammy Hurlbert, coordinator of recreation programs in North Grenville! We had a great time and we were only ten minutes from home.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 6 June 2016
It Takes A Village
June 6th, 2016
We've all heard the expression: "It takes a village to raise a child". However, I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of community as an entrepreneur.
I was raised in the city and, as a child, I got to know the kids in my neighbourhood but the adults didn't mingle unless their children were friends. You could live three years within spitting distance of your neighbours and never get to know them. They were a mystery-their name, occupation, secrets, aspirations etc.
When I moved to the country, one of the things I loved was the way everyone seemed to know each other. Initially it's challenging because you are an outsider but as people see you around, as you get involved with various groups, as you cross paths, you forge connections and people and places become familiar. You reach a comfort level and a feeling of belonging. My children hate running errands with me because we bump into people I know and I like to chat which prolongs each errand much to their chagrin.
As an entrepreneur, sometimes, your biggest struggle is getting people to try your product or service. Word of mouth is a powerful tool in a rural community but only if someone has tried your services. There are so many expenses involved in starting a business-website, business cards, social media, marketing, inventory, staff, taxes, professional memberships, cell phone and e-mail accounts just to name a few. The advantage of being a part of a small community is you will find that many people are willing to connect you with the right resource and you help each other out.
I have been so fortunate to meet the right people who have connected me to amazing professionals. This past year has been focused primarily on working with children and teenagers within the school system. I was lucky that Mme Graham, then a Grade 3 teacher, allowed me to offer my creativity workshops to her students. Shelley Mitchell connected me to Oxford-on-Rideau Public School when they were searching for someone to run a few after-school art programs in November and December 2014. Tia Akse introduced me to Meredith Luce who became the illustrator of my deck of cards and books. My walking buddy, Chris Turnbull, brought Andrew McManaman, a first-year film student, into my life just when I needed someone to film my workshops. Mandy Moodie at Classic Graphics is super talented and constantly sets up posters or documents for me so they look professional. Maggie Boyer and David Shanahan empowered me to write a bunch of articles on topics of interest to me. Their paper, The NG Times, connected me to this community in a way I had never experienced and, they helped me publish my first book which gave me the confidence to write a second one. Jocelyne Elliott invited me into her Grade 2 class for my Have You Hugged Your Alien? workshop and sang my praises at the parent council. The Parent Council applied for funding so I could develop three workshops to improve communication among family members. The grant was approved and I had the pleasure of meeting so many local parents and children in the process. Bev Illauq invited me to the Catholic District School Board Community Partner Day two years ago. This led to me meeting Michelle Neville who has been a great resource and liaison for me. Anita Mitra, a teacher at the Smiths Falls District High School welcomed me into her High Arts program for a half day stress management workshop with her talented students. The North Grenville Public Library who is hosting my book launch. Jim Beveridge at B&H Your Community Grocer who not only supplies the empty boxes to organize my supplies for workshops but who has also offered to display my books for sale in his store at no cost to me. Are you out of breath yet?
As an entrepreneur, you depend on people to give you a chance, to tell others about your business, to sing your praises and to refer clients to you. You also grow as a business when people use local services and help each other out. I am so grateful to live in a rural community where people promote one another and celebrate each other's successes. Thank you Kemptville for your support and encouragement! I couldn't have made it this far without you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
We've all heard the expression: "It takes a village to raise a child". However, I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of community as an entrepreneur.
I was raised in the city and, as a child, I got to know the kids in my neighbourhood but the adults didn't mingle unless their children were friends. You could live three years within spitting distance of your neighbours and never get to know them. They were a mystery-their name, occupation, secrets, aspirations etc.
When I moved to the country, one of the things I loved was the way everyone seemed to know each other. Initially it's challenging because you are an outsider but as people see you around, as you get involved with various groups, as you cross paths, you forge connections and people and places become familiar. You reach a comfort level and a feeling of belonging. My children hate running errands with me because we bump into people I know and I like to chat which prolongs each errand much to their chagrin.
As an entrepreneur, sometimes, your biggest struggle is getting people to try your product or service. Word of mouth is a powerful tool in a rural community but only if someone has tried your services. There are so many expenses involved in starting a business-website, business cards, social media, marketing, inventory, staff, taxes, professional memberships, cell phone and e-mail accounts just to name a few. The advantage of being a part of a small community is you will find that many people are willing to connect you with the right resource and you help each other out.
I have been so fortunate to meet the right people who have connected me to amazing professionals. This past year has been focused primarily on working with children and teenagers within the school system. I was lucky that Mme Graham, then a Grade 3 teacher, allowed me to offer my creativity workshops to her students. Shelley Mitchell connected me to Oxford-on-Rideau Public School when they were searching for someone to run a few after-school art programs in November and December 2014. Tia Akse introduced me to Meredith Luce who became the illustrator of my deck of cards and books. My walking buddy, Chris Turnbull, brought Andrew McManaman, a first-year film student, into my life just when I needed someone to film my workshops. Mandy Moodie at Classic Graphics is super talented and constantly sets up posters or documents for me so they look professional. Maggie Boyer and David Shanahan empowered me to write a bunch of articles on topics of interest to me. Their paper, The NG Times, connected me to this community in a way I had never experienced and, they helped me publish my first book which gave me the confidence to write a second one. Jocelyne Elliott invited me into her Grade 2 class for my Have You Hugged Your Alien? workshop and sang my praises at the parent council. The Parent Council applied for funding so I could develop three workshops to improve communication among family members. The grant was approved and I had the pleasure of meeting so many local parents and children in the process. Bev Illauq invited me to the Catholic District School Board Community Partner Day two years ago. This led to me meeting Michelle Neville who has been a great resource and liaison for me. Anita Mitra, a teacher at the Smiths Falls District High School welcomed me into her High Arts program for a half day stress management workshop with her talented students. The North Grenville Public Library who is hosting my book launch. Jim Beveridge at B&H Your Community Grocer who not only supplies the empty boxes to organize my supplies for workshops but who has also offered to display my books for sale in his store at no cost to me. Are you out of breath yet?
As an entrepreneur, you depend on people to give you a chance, to tell others about your business, to sing your praises and to refer clients to you. You also grow as a business when people use local services and help each other out. I am so grateful to live in a rural community where people promote one another and celebrate each other's successes. Thank you Kemptville for your support and encouragement! I couldn't have made it this far without you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 23 February 2016
Women
February 20th, 2016
On Saturday, I had my Divorce Diva workshop. We have been meeting monthly for over a year now. We did not meet in January so the last time the participants had seen one another was in December 2015. There was so much joy in the room, it was palpable.
I offer art therapy workshops to various groups of women. I love this work!!!! Just like I read about in Girls on the Edge, girls and women need to connect. There simply isn't anything that replaces that sense of connection for us. In each of my groups, the women are very different from one another. Sometimes I worry that they will fail to connect. However, in every case, no matter who shows up, we all have the same intention, to get together, create, communicate, grow and heal.
The women in the group all share a common experience, whether they work in the same place and I am offering a team building workshop or they are all survivors of abuse, divorced, stressed, at a crossroads in their career or, simply stuck. However, they are at different points in their journey and they have all had very busy lives. What amazes me is the capacity that we have as women for seeing the best in others and feeling compassion for them. Women share their stories to connect with one another and to encourage each other along the way. As the group grows together, they become each other's cheerleaders, reflecting on the progress that each person has achieved.
Unfortunately, women often underestimate their own brilliance and progress. Everyone one else is brave and special but not them. That is another reason group work is powerful. If I as a therapist tell a client that I am blown away with her progress, she may think I am just trying to encourage her. If an entire group of women are mirroring the same message, it lends more credibility.
When I have activities in pairs within groups of women who don't know one another, the women who pair up always have some kind of connection. One of them is trying to leave an abusive husband, the other has left after she was beaten so badly she ended up in hospital. Both women have had miscarriages or they are from the same hometown. I can't explain how they do it, but the women who need to learn from each other, end up together.
Provided they feel safe and accepted, women will discuss anything and everything so we get to know each other intimately. Outside of environments where they are burdened with responsibilities, women will immediately look for ways to enjoy life. They feel light and joyful, the noise level goes up, they are thoroughly enjoying themselves. I love being a part of this.
I will always create opportunities for women to connect, communicate and create together. It is an important aspect of mental health and life satisfaction for them and for me.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
On Saturday, I had my Divorce Diva workshop. We have been meeting monthly for over a year now. We did not meet in January so the last time the participants had seen one another was in December 2015. There was so much joy in the room, it was palpable.
I offer art therapy workshops to various groups of women. I love this work!!!! Just like I read about in Girls on the Edge, girls and women need to connect. There simply isn't anything that replaces that sense of connection for us. In each of my groups, the women are very different from one another. Sometimes I worry that they will fail to connect. However, in every case, no matter who shows up, we all have the same intention, to get together, create, communicate, grow and heal.
The women in the group all share a common experience, whether they work in the same place and I am offering a team building workshop or they are all survivors of abuse, divorced, stressed, at a crossroads in their career or, simply stuck. However, they are at different points in their journey and they have all had very busy lives. What amazes me is the capacity that we have as women for seeing the best in others and feeling compassion for them. Women share their stories to connect with one another and to encourage each other along the way. As the group grows together, they become each other's cheerleaders, reflecting on the progress that each person has achieved.
Unfortunately, women often underestimate their own brilliance and progress. Everyone one else is brave and special but not them. That is another reason group work is powerful. If I as a therapist tell a client that I am blown away with her progress, she may think I am just trying to encourage her. If an entire group of women are mirroring the same message, it lends more credibility.
When I have activities in pairs within groups of women who don't know one another, the women who pair up always have some kind of connection. One of them is trying to leave an abusive husband, the other has left after she was beaten so badly she ended up in hospital. Both women have had miscarriages or they are from the same hometown. I can't explain how they do it, but the women who need to learn from each other, end up together.
Provided they feel safe and accepted, women will discuss anything and everything so we get to know each other intimately. Outside of environments where they are burdened with responsibilities, women will immediately look for ways to enjoy life. They feel light and joyful, the noise level goes up, they are thoroughly enjoying themselves. I love being a part of this.
I will always create opportunities for women to connect, communicate and create together. It is an important aspect of mental health and life satisfaction for them and for me.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 11 February 2016
Book of the Week-Girls On The Edge-Part 1
February 11th, 2016
This week's book is really freaking me out. Leonard Sax has authored two books that caught my attention. Boys Adrift is a book about the phenomenon of "lazy boys" who live in a cocoon of video games. All their needs are met and they feel no desire to go beyond their comfortable bedroom to search for anything else.
Girls On The Edge examines what is happening to our girls. As the mother of two girls, this book has me taking notes. I am really taking my time getting through this book and processing the abundance of information. That's why I write "part 1" in the title of this post. So far, I have read about the challenges faced by our daughters. Next week, I will read about the solutions to these challenges and report back for "part 2".
Dr. Sax makes an interesting point. His main message is that girls these days do not develop a sense of who they are. Usually, as you are exposed to your community which involves children of all ages, men and women, you have experiences that shape your perception of who you are. You also have some quiet time to yourself. These days with the crazy, hectic schedules: school, hockey, swimming, gymnastics, dance etc.. girls do not have a lot of unstructured down time. Also, we are less connected as families and as communities. Chances are you don't know your neighbours and you wouldn't feel safe if your daughter was walking alone in your neighbourhood. Children are in school with other kids the same age so there is little interaction with multiple age groups. Opportunities to connect as a family may be reduced as well as everyone struggles to juggle their schedule.
Girls are more likely to identify with one aspect of themselves, like being smart, thin, popular or athletic. They invest all their energy and attention into this one aspect and neglect the development of a core sense of self. Then, if they don't get into a prestigious college, or they gain weight or their friends turn on them, they are lost. They don't know who they are. They have a hole where their core should be. They try to fill the hole with alcohol but it just makes things messier. They are left with anxiety and/or depression.
The author describes four factors that put our daughters at risk. The first one is sexual identity. Our daughters are sexualized at a young age. They dress like older girls so they look older and in some cases participate in sexual behaviours before they are ready. They don't develop a sexual identity because they are sexualized before they even have the desire to be sexual. They become objectified and seek the attention of boys through acting out sexually. They don't believe they need to be in a relationship to have sex, it is seen as something casual. Therefore, they are performing sexual acts in the absence of a relationship. They even make out with other girls in front of boys for their enjoyment.
The second factor is the "cyberbubble". The trend of posting photos on Facebook and bogging about whatever is happening in their life means that many girls are developing a personae rather than a sense of self. They dress up for parties to look good in the photos. They need to stay current so they know what is hot and what is not. Their experiences become all about self-promotion. They become more of a logo than a person. What is important is to keep people interested and to get the "likes". Again, their actions have more to do with pleasing others than with self-expression or personal satisfaction.While they are honing their PR skills, they are not learning how to interact face to face with another person. Social media leaves very little time for breaks, they are always on and are expected to reply quickly. Teenagers belong to their own culture, excluding others who could balance things out for them. If teenagers are on the computer in the privacy of their room, parents could be oblivious to what is happening to their child. Cyberbullying is a real threat. Bullies have access to your daughter 24/7 and can post things that are untrue and hurtful. Lastly, there is the possibility of sexting, where your teenager sends suggestive photos of herself to a boyfriend. These photos can be shared with others and are considered child pornography. She could be charged if she gets caught.
The third factor is "obsessions". These include the cult of thinness promoted by "pro-anorexic" sites, the athlete who ignores her body's pain signals to maintain her competitive edge, the overachiever whose schedule is so full of commitments she doesn't know how to relax and have fun, the party girl who drinks to get "more personality" and, the cutter who enjoys feeling disconnected from her body, removed from the pain. Many teenagers grow up too fast and try to reclaim their childhood when they have grown up.
The fourth factor is "environmental toxins". Dr. Sax examines the link between BPA and phthalates and the early onset of puberty. PETE, BPA and phthalates mimic female hormones in the body causing girls to develop as young as age 7. They are found in plastics, lotions and creams. Early puberty is correlated to an absence of the biological father figure in the household. His pheromones keep her puberty at bay for a few years. There are new medications, Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone Analogs that parents can use to postpone puberty in their daughter if it begins too early. Early puberty is linked to many challenges including anxiety, depression, smoking, drinking and reduced brain flexibility.
As you can see, our daughters are facing many challenges. I don't know about you but reading this book was a bit overwhelming for me. That is why I am eager to read the next half of the book where the author provides suggestions and tips to help parents navigate this obstacle course. I will be back next week with part 2. Stay tuned!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
This week's book is really freaking me out. Leonard Sax has authored two books that caught my attention. Boys Adrift is a book about the phenomenon of "lazy boys" who live in a cocoon of video games. All their needs are met and they feel no desire to go beyond their comfortable bedroom to search for anything else.
Girls On The Edge examines what is happening to our girls. As the mother of two girls, this book has me taking notes. I am really taking my time getting through this book and processing the abundance of information. That's why I write "part 1" in the title of this post. So far, I have read about the challenges faced by our daughters. Next week, I will read about the solutions to these challenges and report back for "part 2".
Dr. Sax makes an interesting point. His main message is that girls these days do not develop a sense of who they are. Usually, as you are exposed to your community which involves children of all ages, men and women, you have experiences that shape your perception of who you are. You also have some quiet time to yourself. These days with the crazy, hectic schedules: school, hockey, swimming, gymnastics, dance etc.. girls do not have a lot of unstructured down time. Also, we are less connected as families and as communities. Chances are you don't know your neighbours and you wouldn't feel safe if your daughter was walking alone in your neighbourhood. Children are in school with other kids the same age so there is little interaction with multiple age groups. Opportunities to connect as a family may be reduced as well as everyone struggles to juggle their schedule.
Girls are more likely to identify with one aspect of themselves, like being smart, thin, popular or athletic. They invest all their energy and attention into this one aspect and neglect the development of a core sense of self. Then, if they don't get into a prestigious college, or they gain weight or their friends turn on them, they are lost. They don't know who they are. They have a hole where their core should be. They try to fill the hole with alcohol but it just makes things messier. They are left with anxiety and/or depression.
The author describes four factors that put our daughters at risk. The first one is sexual identity. Our daughters are sexualized at a young age. They dress like older girls so they look older and in some cases participate in sexual behaviours before they are ready. They don't develop a sexual identity because they are sexualized before they even have the desire to be sexual. They become objectified and seek the attention of boys through acting out sexually. They don't believe they need to be in a relationship to have sex, it is seen as something casual. Therefore, they are performing sexual acts in the absence of a relationship. They even make out with other girls in front of boys for their enjoyment.
The second factor is the "cyberbubble". The trend of posting photos on Facebook and bogging about whatever is happening in their life means that many girls are developing a personae rather than a sense of self. They dress up for parties to look good in the photos. They need to stay current so they know what is hot and what is not. Their experiences become all about self-promotion. They become more of a logo than a person. What is important is to keep people interested and to get the "likes". Again, their actions have more to do with pleasing others than with self-expression or personal satisfaction.While they are honing their PR skills, they are not learning how to interact face to face with another person. Social media leaves very little time for breaks, they are always on and are expected to reply quickly. Teenagers belong to their own culture, excluding others who could balance things out for them. If teenagers are on the computer in the privacy of their room, parents could be oblivious to what is happening to their child. Cyberbullying is a real threat. Bullies have access to your daughter 24/7 and can post things that are untrue and hurtful. Lastly, there is the possibility of sexting, where your teenager sends suggestive photos of herself to a boyfriend. These photos can be shared with others and are considered child pornography. She could be charged if she gets caught.
The third factor is "obsessions". These include the cult of thinness promoted by "pro-anorexic" sites, the athlete who ignores her body's pain signals to maintain her competitive edge, the overachiever whose schedule is so full of commitments she doesn't know how to relax and have fun, the party girl who drinks to get "more personality" and, the cutter who enjoys feeling disconnected from her body, removed from the pain. Many teenagers grow up too fast and try to reclaim their childhood when they have grown up.
The fourth factor is "environmental toxins". Dr. Sax examines the link between BPA and phthalates and the early onset of puberty. PETE, BPA and phthalates mimic female hormones in the body causing girls to develop as young as age 7. They are found in plastics, lotions and creams. Early puberty is correlated to an absence of the biological father figure in the household. His pheromones keep her puberty at bay for a few years. There are new medications, Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone Analogs that parents can use to postpone puberty in their daughter if it begins too early. Early puberty is linked to many challenges including anxiety, depression, smoking, drinking and reduced brain flexibility.
As you can see, our daughters are facing many challenges. I don't know about you but reading this book was a bit overwhelming for me. That is why I am eager to read the next half of the book where the author provides suggestions and tips to help parents navigate this obstacle course. I will be back next week with part 2. Stay tuned!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 27 January 2016
Ferguson Forest Education and Training Centre
January 27th 2016
Last Friday, I was reading the NG Times. There was an article about an Open House happening at the Ferguson Forest office this afternoon. I rarely go to community meetings because they are held in the evening and I am busy with my children at night. I was pleased to be able to attend this session. From what I could read, Ferguson Forest was preparing to apply for funding through the Ontario Trillium Foundation in order to expand the scope of its services to include more wheelchair access, a meditation area, a wildflower meadow and a bird sanctuary. I wanted to attend this event because the title: Ferguson Forest Education and Training Centre, stirred my imagination. It summoned images of children, hopefully my own, participating in activities that helped them appreciate, understand, respect and enjoy nature.
At the meeting, we were greeted by Carl Doucette, the Vice Chairman of the Board of Directors. On the wall, were plans for the arboretum. There were maybe 40-50 people in attendance, an impressive turnout. The goal of the meeting was to get ideas from members of the community regarding what they would like to see in the arboretum area of Ferguson Forest. The first step of any community development initiative is to find out what people want, otherwise a great deal of time and money are wasted as the public does not use the new space.
Carl explained that they are requesting funds under the "Activity" category therefore it will be a space devoted to various activities. They will choose the ideas that benefit the most people and encourage community members to explore their space. Throughout the meeting, there were ideas such as maintaining the toboggan hill, building a fenced-in dog park, creating a wheelchair-accessible labyrinth and an accessible path from Anniversary Park to Maple Grove, grooming multiple-use trails for snowshoers, pedestrians and skiers, selling Legacy Trees to line Veteran's Way and commemorative benches throughout the paths of the arboretum and, having a layout for Art in the Park where artists can teach and showcase their art.
The need for partnerships with community organizations and the necessity for the community to get involved were expressed. The group brought up the issue of communication. Ferguson Forest has many trails and beautiful spaces as well as programs that the public is not aware of. Carl says he would like to rectify this issue by using the local newspapers and radio station to promote their services and inform the community of changes to the arboretum as plans progress.
The group considered whether there should be washroom facilities on site then determined that it would not get approved due to washrooms being available in the office building, even though it's quite a distance away. Also, they have had issues in the past with washrooms being tipped over or vandalized. It doesn't help that the property runs along the Kemptville Creek, which is protected by the Rideau Valley Conservation Agency (RVCA) and, the Ministry of Natural Resources land. Therefore, there would be a great deal of red tape involved. Some people suggested the space should not only be educational and functional but also aesthetically pleasing. Others felt it was important to hear birds and Maureen addressed the need to choose and plant trees that would attract birds.
The new space would have lots of signage, an important part of the educational component, in order to guide people from one area to the next. They also discussed opening the roads during all four seasons. At this time, the roads are closed during the winter. I explained that I attended this meeting as a parent, wanting to see more opportunities to include nature in the school's curriculum for my children's benefit. I asked if they had a partnership with any of the schools. Apparently, they have approached the schools, looking for ways they could fulfill their curriculum requirements within their arboretum. There has been no response from schools but Scouts do come and use the space and enjoy their educational events. Also, the Municipal Centre's summer camp participants use their services and visit their space throughout the summer. Ferguson Forest has a standing offer to schools who wish to participate in a guided tour of their trails. One member of the group suggested the lack of response from schools may be due to transportation costs and liability issues. They plan to offer training to teachers. This would provide them with the knowledge to take students through the trails for a guided tour.
Today, I learned about an area that has already been developed at the Ferguson Forest Centre, called Kinderwood. Children run through the path and learn about what they can find in the forest so they know what to look for. I must visit Kinderwood with my children on the weekend. John stressed the importance of making this wonderful land that we take for granted valuable, just like Central Park in New York City, because if we are not using the land and demonstrating our need for it, we may lose it in the long run.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Last Friday, I was reading the NG Times. There was an article about an Open House happening at the Ferguson Forest office this afternoon. I rarely go to community meetings because they are held in the evening and I am busy with my children at night. I was pleased to be able to attend this session. From what I could read, Ferguson Forest was preparing to apply for funding through the Ontario Trillium Foundation in order to expand the scope of its services to include more wheelchair access, a meditation area, a wildflower meadow and a bird sanctuary. I wanted to attend this event because the title: Ferguson Forest Education and Training Centre, stirred my imagination. It summoned images of children, hopefully my own, participating in activities that helped them appreciate, understand, respect and enjoy nature.
At the meeting, we were greeted by Carl Doucette, the Vice Chairman of the Board of Directors. On the wall, were plans for the arboretum. There were maybe 40-50 people in attendance, an impressive turnout. The goal of the meeting was to get ideas from members of the community regarding what they would like to see in the arboretum area of Ferguson Forest. The first step of any community development initiative is to find out what people want, otherwise a great deal of time and money are wasted as the public does not use the new space.
Carl explained that they are requesting funds under the "Activity" category therefore it will be a space devoted to various activities. They will choose the ideas that benefit the most people and encourage community members to explore their space. Throughout the meeting, there were ideas such as maintaining the toboggan hill, building a fenced-in dog park, creating a wheelchair-accessible labyrinth and an accessible path from Anniversary Park to Maple Grove, grooming multiple-use trails for snowshoers, pedestrians and skiers, selling Legacy Trees to line Veteran's Way and commemorative benches throughout the paths of the arboretum and, having a layout for Art in the Park where artists can teach and showcase their art.
The need for partnerships with community organizations and the necessity for the community to get involved were expressed. The group brought up the issue of communication. Ferguson Forest has many trails and beautiful spaces as well as programs that the public is not aware of. Carl says he would like to rectify this issue by using the local newspapers and radio station to promote their services and inform the community of changes to the arboretum as plans progress.
The group considered whether there should be washroom facilities on site then determined that it would not get approved due to washrooms being available in the office building, even though it's quite a distance away. Also, they have had issues in the past with washrooms being tipped over or vandalized. It doesn't help that the property runs along the Kemptville Creek, which is protected by the Rideau Valley Conservation Agency (RVCA) and, the Ministry of Natural Resources land. Therefore, there would be a great deal of red tape involved. Some people suggested the space should not only be educational and functional but also aesthetically pleasing. Others felt it was important to hear birds and Maureen addressed the need to choose and plant trees that would attract birds.
The new space would have lots of signage, an important part of the educational component, in order to guide people from one area to the next. They also discussed opening the roads during all four seasons. At this time, the roads are closed during the winter. I explained that I attended this meeting as a parent, wanting to see more opportunities to include nature in the school's curriculum for my children's benefit. I asked if they had a partnership with any of the schools. Apparently, they have approached the schools, looking for ways they could fulfill their curriculum requirements within their arboretum. There has been no response from schools but Scouts do come and use the space and enjoy their educational events. Also, the Municipal Centre's summer camp participants use their services and visit their space throughout the summer. Ferguson Forest has a standing offer to schools who wish to participate in a guided tour of their trails. One member of the group suggested the lack of response from schools may be due to transportation costs and liability issues. They plan to offer training to teachers. This would provide them with the knowledge to take students through the trails for a guided tour.
Today, I learned about an area that has already been developed at the Ferguson Forest Centre, called Kinderwood. Children run through the path and learn about what they can find in the forest so they know what to look for. I must visit Kinderwood with my children on the weekend. John stressed the importance of making this wonderful land that we take for granted valuable, just like Central Park in New York City, because if we are not using the land and demonstrating our need for it, we may lose it in the long run.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 19 January 2016
Fitness-Zumba Kids
January 19th, 2016
As many of you know, I am determined to get my body back to its regular size. I don't feel like this is my body right now. It's not that I want to get "wafer thin" again, I just want to feel healthy. When we moved out here, I was looking for a Fitness class for pregnant women. I contacted a trainer and she said she was not comfortable taking on a pregnant client. Once I'd had my daughter, the trainer was willing to teach a Mommy and Me fitness class. I was very excited! Unfortunately, I was the only one who lasted beyond six weeks. Most moms dropped out by week 3. The trainer could not afford to keep training me, it wasn't lucrative enough for her.
There are so many gyms in the area but none of them have child care. This makes it challenging for moms with little ones to get into a regular workout routine. I had signed up for Zumba in the evening, once a week. The instructor was funny and enthusiastic and I love dancing to latin music so it was very enjoyable. However, every week, I would drive to class at the speed of light trying to be there on time after feeding the children, bathing them (they would be in bed by the time I returned and had school the next day) and picking up the babysitter. It was stressful and exhausting. I thought to myself: "There has got to be a better way".
I've participated in group cleanses where I cut out caffeine, wheat, dairy and sugar. I feel great but I am unable to maintain that diet long term. I purchased videos targeting my gut and butt. They are fun but I get bored of them especially if I don't see any results. It can be challenging to workout in my walk-in closet three times a week undisturbed by children or pets.
Last year, there was an evening Drumfit session at my daughters' school for the entire family. I took the girls to the class and we all had fun. I was ready to sign us up but it was a one shot deal. I was really disappointed. Drumfit and Zumba have been my favourite types of workout so far. They get you moving (cardio), you hear great music which helps to keep me motivated and, I get to dance, something I enjoy. I contacted the Zumba instructor to see if she might offer a family Zumba class. She replied that she was not trained in child Zumba.
I was intrigued. I searched the Zumba site www.zumba.com and found that you can take a Zumba Kids and Zumba Kids Jr Instructor course. My interest was piqued. I would love to provide classes for parents and their kids so everyone can stay healthy. It is so much fun to workout together. Kids love the music and get into their own groove. Parents can meet others with children in the same age group. Currently, there is no training in the area but I am keeping my eyes peeled and as soon as there is training nearby, I am doing this. As a mom, who loves dancing, latin music, children and community building, this would be so much fun!
Stay tuned everyone! Fitness Fun for the whole Family is coming your way :)
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
As many of you know, I am determined to get my body back to its regular size. I don't feel like this is my body right now. It's not that I want to get "wafer thin" again, I just want to feel healthy. When we moved out here, I was looking for a Fitness class for pregnant women. I contacted a trainer and she said she was not comfortable taking on a pregnant client. Once I'd had my daughter, the trainer was willing to teach a Mommy and Me fitness class. I was very excited! Unfortunately, I was the only one who lasted beyond six weeks. Most moms dropped out by week 3. The trainer could not afford to keep training me, it wasn't lucrative enough for her.
There are so many gyms in the area but none of them have child care. This makes it challenging for moms with little ones to get into a regular workout routine. I had signed up for Zumba in the evening, once a week. The instructor was funny and enthusiastic and I love dancing to latin music so it was very enjoyable. However, every week, I would drive to class at the speed of light trying to be there on time after feeding the children, bathing them (they would be in bed by the time I returned and had school the next day) and picking up the babysitter. It was stressful and exhausting. I thought to myself: "There has got to be a better way".
I've participated in group cleanses where I cut out caffeine, wheat, dairy and sugar. I feel great but I am unable to maintain that diet long term. I purchased videos targeting my gut and butt. They are fun but I get bored of them especially if I don't see any results. It can be challenging to workout in my walk-in closet three times a week undisturbed by children or pets.
Last year, there was an evening Drumfit session at my daughters' school for the entire family. I took the girls to the class and we all had fun. I was ready to sign us up but it was a one shot deal. I was really disappointed. Drumfit and Zumba have been my favourite types of workout so far. They get you moving (cardio), you hear great music which helps to keep me motivated and, I get to dance, something I enjoy. I contacted the Zumba instructor to see if she might offer a family Zumba class. She replied that she was not trained in child Zumba.
I was intrigued. I searched the Zumba site www.zumba.com and found that you can take a Zumba Kids and Zumba Kids Jr Instructor course. My interest was piqued. I would love to provide classes for parents and their kids so everyone can stay healthy. It is so much fun to workout together. Kids love the music and get into their own groove. Parents can meet others with children in the same age group. Currently, there is no training in the area but I am keeping my eyes peeled and as soon as there is training nearby, I am doing this. As a mom, who loves dancing, latin music, children and community building, this would be so much fun!
Stay tuned everyone! Fitness Fun for the whole Family is coming your way :)
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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