Patsy and I-BFFs

September 2nd, 2016

Dear reader,

I owe you an apology. The Friday prior to the arrival of my mother-in-law for her first ever visit, I wrote that I would not write during her visit but I would resume my blog after she left our home. Well, things didn't exactly true out that way. This is my first blog since then, a month later than expected.

However, much has happened since I last wrote. My visit with my mother-in-law, Patsy, was a success. I wasn't sure what to expect. I was very nervous. The way my husband described her, I expected her to criticize everything about me-what I wore, the cleanliness of our home and, my approach to motherhood. It wasn't like that at all. Patsy knows what she likes and tells it like it is. I found this refreshing because I never had to wonder if she liked something. She would tell me. I didn't have to worry that I was making her tea wrong for two weeks and that she would go home and complain to everyone about it. This is so often the case where people don't want to hurt your feelings and so you go on irritating them and everyone knows but you. Within 24 hours, I knew which cup was her favourite, when she liked her tea, what snacks she preferred and which of our chairs were the right size for her to sit comfortably. I was able to enjoy our visit because I wasn't second-guessing anything and, when I did something for her she really appreciated it.

Patsy loves to talk, she's like a live history book. I learned a great deal about her, London culture in general and, my husband. I started taking notes. She's my husband's mother, he has his own history with her which means he has "his stories" about her. He was embarrassed by her talking and would get irritated with her. She was a new person to me and I had a great time serving food and listening to stories. We really became good friends. What I didn't realize was that out of her five children, no one really took care of Patsy. One of her daughters takes her out once a year for a Mother's Day/Birthday meal-killing two birds with one stone. Other than that, she mostly lives with her son who is ill and spends his days locked up in his room. Patsy was limited by her mobility issues. On her first night here, she had to take a break on the landing on her way up the stairs to her room. She wheezed and held onto the banister. I worried she would have a heart attack.

We welcomed her into our family, looked after her and treated her with dignity. Patsy said she felt "less disabled" after a few days. She ate healthy meals with us and we took her out a few times to show her the shops in Merrickville or to celebrate my birthday in Ottawa. I took her and the girls to get mani/pedis. She pointed out that her toes were all piled up onto each other. The nail polish was getting smudged. I bought gel toe separators so she could help her toes move back to their original location. She wore the gel separators at night before bed. Within days, she was walking around the house, feeling more stable. She lost weight and was getting up the stairs without getting winded.

We were all amazed by her progress. One morning, she decided to try my treadmill. She also came swimming with us. She started to notice the difference between the way she was treated at home and how it felt to be here with us. She didn't want to go back. She wanted to buy a home up the street and live close by. She did return to the UK but she felt much more confident. She could see how people were using her for her money back home. We never asked her for any money. We just wanted her to have a nice visit. She started to eat healthier foods and walk around more, she refused to answer the phone when her adult children and grandchildren called her for money. She told her son he needed to smoke outside the house and get out of the house every day. It was good for both of them. Patsy has already booked her flight to come and visit us over the Christmas holidays. I was overjoyed at this transformation and our role in it.

What I couldn't anticipate was my husband's reaction to his mother's visit. Prior to her arrival, he was working crazy hours as he always does before a vacation. I was making decisions and arrangements and he had no opinion, he was too tired to think. When she did get here, he enjoyed her for the first 24 hours then he started bickering with her. His anxiety and anger increased. He fought with her on my birthday which was a drag. He eventually just went out a lot or stayed away from us. It left me alone with his mom and our daughters. When she left, he went through two weeks of anxiety and sadness. I couldn't understand it nor could he. He was also experiencing more nightmares than usual. For two weeks after her departure, the emotional aftershock and lack of sleep left me drained so I had no energy to write.

Then, as our life was returning to normal, my friend Chris sent me the link to a funding opportunity for writers. I love to write and I have had a few projects on the back-burner for some time. These are writing projects I'd like to pursue but have no ability to fund. I was actually eligible for it so I devoted the past two weeks to writing my bio, gathering samples of my work, getting them scanned, revising my resume and learning how to blank out my name from documents. I finally submitted my application yesterday afternoon. It felt soon good to get it done. I have never applied for funds before and I worried that this lack of experience would be apparent but I did it anyways. I won't know until November 18th, 2016 if I will receive any funding but I feel proud go myself for getting the application completed and submitted.

Ironically, the fund is for writers with children under the age of 18. The toughest part of the application process was getting out of the house to get copies done and scanned or to have time to dig up documents or type up my bio. My children are at home all summer and I have very little time to myself so getting my application in was quite the juggling act. Next week, my daughters will be back in school. I will miss them. I will, however, welcome the space and time to create, exercise, get out of the house, meet with friends and hang out with my husband on his days off.

Today, the girls are determined to stay in their underwear all day, to eat and play in their room. We will go out together later and they will want to talk about school and speculate; "What if my friends are not in my classroom? What if I get a mean teacher?". We will savour our time together, eating ice cream, walking on the sandy beach, jumping on the trampoline and, for them, playing with their dolls in the dark, way after I have tucked them in.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Fitness-Zumba Kids

January 19th, 2016

As many of you know, I am determined to get my body back to its regular size. I don't feel like this is my body right now. It's not that I want to get "wafer thin" again, I just want to feel healthy. When we moved out here, I was looking for a Fitness class for pregnant women. I contacted a trainer and she said she was not comfortable taking on a pregnant client. Once I'd had my daughter, the trainer was willing to teach a Mommy and Me fitness class. I was very excited! Unfortunately, I was the only one who lasted beyond six weeks. Most moms dropped out by week 3. The trainer could not afford to keep training me, it wasn't lucrative enough for her.

There are so many gyms in the area but none of them have child care. This makes it challenging for moms with little ones to get into a regular workout routine. I had signed up for Zumba in the evening, once a week. The instructor was funny and enthusiastic and I love dancing to latin music so it was very enjoyable. However, every week, I would drive to class at the speed of light trying to be there on time after feeding the children, bathing them (they would be in bed by the time I returned and had school the next day) and picking up the babysitter. It was stressful and exhausting. I thought to myself: "There has got to be a better way".

I've participated in group cleanses where I cut out caffeine, wheat, dairy and sugar. I feel great but I am unable to maintain that diet long term. I purchased videos targeting my gut and butt. They are fun but I get bored of them especially if I don't see any results. It can be challenging to workout in my walk-in closet three times a week undisturbed by children or pets.

Last year, there was an evening Drumfit session at my daughters' school for the entire family. I took the girls to the class and we all had fun. I was ready to sign us up but it was a one shot deal. I was really disappointed. Drumfit and Zumba have been my favourite types of workout so far. They get you moving (cardio), you hear great music which helps to keep me motivated and, I get to dance, something I enjoy. I contacted the Zumba instructor to see if she might offer a family Zumba class. She replied that she was not trained in child Zumba.

I was intrigued. I searched the Zumba site www.zumba.com and found that you can take a Zumba Kids and Zumba Kids Jr Instructor course. My interest was piqued. I would love to provide classes for parents and their kids so everyone can stay healthy. It is so much fun to workout together. Kids love the music and get into their own groove. Parents can meet others with children in the same age group. Currently, there is no training in the area but I am keeping my eyes peeled and as soon as there is training nearby, I am doing this. As a mom, who loves dancing, latin music, children and community building, this would be so much fun!

Stay tuned everyone! Fitness Fun for the whole Family is coming your way :)

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org