November 1st, 2016
A few weeks ago, I saw a trailer for E-Motion, a documentary. It reveals how our emotions can make us sick. If we hang onto our emotions, they hold us back from realizing our full potential as human beings. We may repeat old patterns in our new relationships, sabotage promising career opportunities or fill our pantry with junk food when our intention was to fill our refrigerator with healthy produce. When we experience a strong negative experience or trauma, our emotions are stored in our body, locked in there until we learn to release them. Our bodies are therefore stuck in the past, convinced that we are still living under the same circumstances when we know consciously that we have moved on, that we are safe and that we can choose to live better lives.
I wasn't able to download the movie but I did check out one of the professionals featured in this documentary, Joe Dispenza. He has published a book titled, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. I discovered that he was a speaker on Ted Talks and I was able to listen to his speech. He explains that we have three brains; a thinking brain (our neocortex), a doing brain (the limbic system) and, a being brain (the cerebellum).
As we have experiences, meet new people, read books and listen to public speakers, our thinking brain creates new connections. Over time we learn something, our brain changes. The nerve cells that fire together as we process new information, form a network. These cells create a pattern of reactions. This new information will change your behaviour. Your five senses will process this new experience and release chemicals, attaching an emotion to it. We all do this in January when we start off the new year with great intentions. We promise to drink more water, eat lots of fruit and veggies and hit the gym three days a week. What happens?
When we are stressed, our bodies are out of balance. Our bodies believe our thoughts and more chemicals are released. Our bodies don't know if our thoughts are reflecting reality or not. "When we turn on the stress response and are unable to turn it off, we're headed for disease" says Dispenza.
Dispenza described a process called metacognition. This is what happens during mindful meditation. We are aware of our behaviour, observing it with detachment. This allows us to gain awareness and perceive what behaviours need to be modified if we are to live fuller lives. In order to change our behaviours and make better choices, we must silence old circuits, disband neural connections and create new ones.
As you change your patterns of thinking, the image you hold in your mind about your life, your relationships and your work is changed as are your intentions. When you introduce new connections, the old patterns will be threatened and attempt to sabotage these new links creating doubt in your mind with negative self-talk. However, if you consistently make choices and act according to the newer connections, the bond between neurones will strengthen and the old connections will dissolve. This requires much repetition. These new behaviours will set off positive chemicals leading to a sense of well-being. Once these new patterns become innate, they are integrated into your self-concept. They become a part of who you are.
Let's apply this. Pick an area of your life that is stressful; a relationship, your work or something about your self-image. In the centre of a page, write down the stressful relationship, thought or situation. Draw lines stemming from the centre, extending outward and at the end of each line, write a belief that is attached to this source of stress. Link situations from your past that may have contributed to the creation of these beliefs. Were you teased as a child? Did you feel rejected, like an outsider? Do you avoid meeting new people in order to protect yourself from rejection and pain? Once you recall a few situations that were painful and that shaped your negative beliefs about yourself, get very still and ask yourself where this experience is stored in your body. When you can visualize the wound, breathe through it and release it. You may need to cry or yell, breathe deeply many times, punch a pillow, paint a body outline and fill it with soothing colours, create a vision board of how your life would change if you surrendered this belief or talk it though with a trusted friend or therapist. Next step is my favourite, you decide what beliefs will replace the outdated ones. You support these beliefs with proof. Explore your life and come up with as much proof as possible that these new beliefs are valid. If this is challenging, ask a friend to help. Then, act as if you were a different person with empowering beliefs. As you act in ways that support your new self-image, it will become natural. You may need to fake it at first but you will eventually be living this new reality.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label patterns. Show all posts
Showing posts with label patterns. Show all posts
Tuesday, 1 November 2016
Friday, 30 September 2016
Resisting Healthy Choices
September 30th 2016
I walked into my husband's shop this afternoon, his client's daughter was talking about her career. She is a dietician and nutritionist but she is having doubts about her decision to commit to this line of work. She is fit and devoted to leading a healthy lifestyle. However, she finds it frustrating when she consults with clients who need to make some changes in their eating patterns but don't want to give up any of the unhealthy foods they eat. She can provide the tools for a healthier future but if they nod their head then get in line at McDs when they leave her office, there is no point. It angers her that people aren't willing to make sacrifices when it comes to their health. This is a high priority for her and she can't imagine how people can keep making poor choices when they know their health is in jeopardy.
Our conversation turned to exercise. Her background is in dance and she is now learning pole fitness. I told her I loved Zumba but there are no classes offered for mothers and their children or, during school hours for mothers on their own. I don't understand why Zumba classes, which are mostly populated with moms who are trying to shed their belly fat, are offered at times when moms are busy with their children. This client was telling me that pole fitness is great for people like myself who enjoy dancing but, while Zumba is mostly cardio, pole fitness works your muscles and core leading to more muscle definition. Sounds good to me! No pole dancing out here in Kemptville though :)
What we do have is an event at St-Micheal's High School tomorrow from 9am to 3pm. It;s called Commit to Fit and, as far as I know, it's a sampler of various types of exercise. You can see what local professionals have to offer by trying their exercise. I'll know more by tomorrow evening. I asked my poor mom to be here for 9am which means she needs to leave her home in Ottawa by 8am. I appreciate that she can be here with my children while I go workout and learn about my options. Many moms don't have anyone to watch the children. I'm sure they wish they wish they could attend this event as well. I feel very fortunate that she is here to support me.
I was going to a gym for a while. I even got a trainer. However, every time we met and I learned new moves, I would get injured. At first, she set up the treadmill and programmed it so it had a sharp incline. Before long, I had shin splints, very painful. When I went in on my own, I just walked on the flat surface, a good workout without any injuries. Then I asked her to focus on my arms. She had me pumping 10lbs on either side while on my back. It was strenuous but I imagined how toned my arms would be when I was done. I pulled a muscle and had to go to physic. It hurt when I breathed and I had limited range of movement. Lastly, I have an injury to my pelvic bone from childbirth. An osteopath recommended I steer clear of exercises that put pressure on that area. I brought this up as she led me to the machine where you push your legs together then apart against weights. I informed her that the osteopath told me the days of doing these types of exercises were over. She still introduced one into my workout.
Finding the right fit is challenging. You want to exercise so you are healthier, feel energized and look amazing. However, you need to find the correct type of exercise so that you enjoy your workouts and look forward to them. It helps to be in a supportive environment, to click with classmates or your trainer. Having options at times that work for you can be the most difficult part. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will find Zumba or Pole fitness classes during the day, close to Kemptville. Then, let the fun begin!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I walked into my husband's shop this afternoon, his client's daughter was talking about her career. She is a dietician and nutritionist but she is having doubts about her decision to commit to this line of work. She is fit and devoted to leading a healthy lifestyle. However, she finds it frustrating when she consults with clients who need to make some changes in their eating patterns but don't want to give up any of the unhealthy foods they eat. She can provide the tools for a healthier future but if they nod their head then get in line at McDs when they leave her office, there is no point. It angers her that people aren't willing to make sacrifices when it comes to their health. This is a high priority for her and she can't imagine how people can keep making poor choices when they know their health is in jeopardy.
Our conversation turned to exercise. Her background is in dance and she is now learning pole fitness. I told her I loved Zumba but there are no classes offered for mothers and their children or, during school hours for mothers on their own. I don't understand why Zumba classes, which are mostly populated with moms who are trying to shed their belly fat, are offered at times when moms are busy with their children. This client was telling me that pole fitness is great for people like myself who enjoy dancing but, while Zumba is mostly cardio, pole fitness works your muscles and core leading to more muscle definition. Sounds good to me! No pole dancing out here in Kemptville though :)
What we do have is an event at St-Micheal's High School tomorrow from 9am to 3pm. It;s called Commit to Fit and, as far as I know, it's a sampler of various types of exercise. You can see what local professionals have to offer by trying their exercise. I'll know more by tomorrow evening. I asked my poor mom to be here for 9am which means she needs to leave her home in Ottawa by 8am. I appreciate that she can be here with my children while I go workout and learn about my options. Many moms don't have anyone to watch the children. I'm sure they wish they wish they could attend this event as well. I feel very fortunate that she is here to support me.
I was going to a gym for a while. I even got a trainer. However, every time we met and I learned new moves, I would get injured. At first, she set up the treadmill and programmed it so it had a sharp incline. Before long, I had shin splints, very painful. When I went in on my own, I just walked on the flat surface, a good workout without any injuries. Then I asked her to focus on my arms. She had me pumping 10lbs on either side while on my back. It was strenuous but I imagined how toned my arms would be when I was done. I pulled a muscle and had to go to physic. It hurt when I breathed and I had limited range of movement. Lastly, I have an injury to my pelvic bone from childbirth. An osteopath recommended I steer clear of exercises that put pressure on that area. I brought this up as she led me to the machine where you push your legs together then apart against weights. I informed her that the osteopath told me the days of doing these types of exercises were over. She still introduced one into my workout.
Finding the right fit is challenging. You want to exercise so you are healthier, feel energized and look amazing. However, you need to find the correct type of exercise so that you enjoy your workouts and look forward to them. It helps to be in a supportive environment, to click with classmates or your trainer. Having options at times that work for you can be the most difficult part. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will find Zumba or Pole fitness classes during the day, close to Kemptville. Then, let the fun begin!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 25 May 2016
Signs and Synchronicity
May 25th, 2016
I believe in signs. You know, like when you desperately need someone with a certain expertise and you go to a party you normally wouldn't attend and end up seated next to someone who specializes in that area of expertise. What are the chances?
There seem to be times in my life when I experience more signs and synchronicity. This month has been one of them. I first noticed signs when I was in my second year of study at Ottawa University. My Godfather's son was struck by a drunk driver and remained in a coma at the hospital until his organs could be harvested. Then, with the assurance from physicians that his 17 year old son was brain dead, my Godparents made the toughest decision of their lives, they removed the life support systems from their son and watched his life force fade away.
Following his death, I would see 10:10 everywhere and hear Hotel California or Stairway to Heaven. These were all signs reminding me of my cousin. I heard both songs when I was visiting my Godfather's home. They were playing a tape recording of my cousin playing guitar and singing along to those songs. After his death, I would hear those songs on the radio as we were driving or on television as I was flicking through channels or in the background at restaurants and malls. I was confused about the significance of 10:10 but I knew this started happening after his death so it must be related. I asked my Godparents if there was an important date like October 10th linked to my cousin or if something had happened at 10am on the 10th. Nothing. The very next day, I started seeing 11:11 everywhere and I realized it wasn't the number that was important.
When we returned from Florida, just over a month ago, I was preparing for my workshops at KPS. Those workshops came about because my daughters had friends over at the house, two sisters. Their mother came in for a coffee. She asked me about my work and I mentioned that I would like to do more work in schools but it is difficult to get into classrooms. She happened to be the head of the Parent Council and told me they really wanted to get more art in the school. The school tends to focus on sports but the parents want art as well. She connected me to another mother on the Parent Council and we wrote a proposal and the rest as they say is history.
While I was offering my workshops at the school, a parent from another school heard about it. This parent has a child in each school and wanted me to offer my workshops at the other school as well. This school knows my work because I offered a few after-school workshops in November 2014. They are now applying for this funding as well because of this one parent who heard about me and recognized my name from 2014.
Yesterday, I was thinking about the future of my business. It's nearly the end of the school year and I needed to figure out whether to approach summer camps to keep working with children or, focus on my workshops with adults. I asked the "powers that be" for a sign. I received an e-mail from one of the moms who attended my workshop for parents at KPS. She wanted me to know that she and her son are excited about the plans they made to spend time together in the summer because of the Wish Box they created during my third workshop. I was thrilled! Then, I checked my mailbox because I was waiting on a book I ordered online. There was a letter from the mother of a young lady who was at my workshops at the other school in 2014. She wanted to thank me for the impact I had on her daughter. Apparently, she enjoyed my workshops and learned a great deal. She had drawn a picture for me and wanted me to have it. The mother said: "I'm sorry, this letter is over a year late". I wrote back to the mother and daughter thanking them for the letter and art and, I told the mother that her letter was NOT late, it was right on time. When I held that letter and read it, I felt chills run up and down my spine and the art made my eyes water. It was such a huge affirmation that I needed to proceed with my work.
Last week, I donated a copy of my Poobum and Pompom book to our local library and asked them if I could organize a book launch with them. They run lots of parent-child groups and I thought they would be the best place to launch my second book which is meant to help parents communicate with their little ones when they are adjusting to the arrival of a sibling. I was asked to e-mail their Community Outreach person. I did and there was no reply. One week later, I had not received an e-mail to acknowledge that my inquiry was received or to express interest in hosting my book launch. I returned today to ask if I should expect a response. I was informed that their Community Outreach person is part-time therefore she may get back to me when she is in tomorrow.
As I was leaving the library, I bumped into the owner of a local art gallery. I told her I was frustrated with this lack of response. She showed me why she was there. She was leaving pamphlets to advertise an art tour that happens every year. She suggested I go to her art gallery to sell and promote my book. I need an indoor space to keep art materials from flying away so I told her the front lawn of her gallery would not work for what I was trying to do. She said I was welcome to go back some other time and use the back room of her art gallery. She then informed me that the Ottawa Art Gallery runs programs for young people. This led me to their website and what I discovered about their programs is very exciting. You never know what is just around the corner. I have bumped into this gallery owner many ties over the past month. We are setting up a coffee date to talk about how we can make use of her art gallery.
Everything happens for a reason. If you want more synchronicity in your life, start documenting all the coincidences that occur on a daily basis. If you own a journal, jot it down at the end of the day. Otherwise, keep track of synchronicity by writing it on a post it note. If you review your post its at the end of the week or month, you will notice a pattern. These "coincidences" are leading you in a direction. By paying attention to them, you will notice them increasing. To me, seeing signs and experiencing synchronicity is like crowd surfing. You let the signs propel you forward, trusting that you will end up where you need to be.
PS. When I logged in to write this post, I saw that 1111 people had read my blog. There is that number again :)
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I believe in signs. You know, like when you desperately need someone with a certain expertise and you go to a party you normally wouldn't attend and end up seated next to someone who specializes in that area of expertise. What are the chances?
There seem to be times in my life when I experience more signs and synchronicity. This month has been one of them. I first noticed signs when I was in my second year of study at Ottawa University. My Godfather's son was struck by a drunk driver and remained in a coma at the hospital until his organs could be harvested. Then, with the assurance from physicians that his 17 year old son was brain dead, my Godparents made the toughest decision of their lives, they removed the life support systems from their son and watched his life force fade away.
Following his death, I would see 10:10 everywhere and hear Hotel California or Stairway to Heaven. These were all signs reminding me of my cousin. I heard both songs when I was visiting my Godfather's home. They were playing a tape recording of my cousin playing guitar and singing along to those songs. After his death, I would hear those songs on the radio as we were driving or on television as I was flicking through channels or in the background at restaurants and malls. I was confused about the significance of 10:10 but I knew this started happening after his death so it must be related. I asked my Godparents if there was an important date like October 10th linked to my cousin or if something had happened at 10am on the 10th. Nothing. The very next day, I started seeing 11:11 everywhere and I realized it wasn't the number that was important.
When we returned from Florida, just over a month ago, I was preparing for my workshops at KPS. Those workshops came about because my daughters had friends over at the house, two sisters. Their mother came in for a coffee. She asked me about my work and I mentioned that I would like to do more work in schools but it is difficult to get into classrooms. She happened to be the head of the Parent Council and told me they really wanted to get more art in the school. The school tends to focus on sports but the parents want art as well. She connected me to another mother on the Parent Council and we wrote a proposal and the rest as they say is history.
While I was offering my workshops at the school, a parent from another school heard about it. This parent has a child in each school and wanted me to offer my workshops at the other school as well. This school knows my work because I offered a few after-school workshops in November 2014. They are now applying for this funding as well because of this one parent who heard about me and recognized my name from 2014.
Yesterday, I was thinking about the future of my business. It's nearly the end of the school year and I needed to figure out whether to approach summer camps to keep working with children or, focus on my workshops with adults. I asked the "powers that be" for a sign. I received an e-mail from one of the moms who attended my workshop for parents at KPS. She wanted me to know that she and her son are excited about the plans they made to spend time together in the summer because of the Wish Box they created during my third workshop. I was thrilled! Then, I checked my mailbox because I was waiting on a book I ordered online. There was a letter from the mother of a young lady who was at my workshops at the other school in 2014. She wanted to thank me for the impact I had on her daughter. Apparently, she enjoyed my workshops and learned a great deal. She had drawn a picture for me and wanted me to have it. The mother said: "I'm sorry, this letter is over a year late". I wrote back to the mother and daughter thanking them for the letter and art and, I told the mother that her letter was NOT late, it was right on time. When I held that letter and read it, I felt chills run up and down my spine and the art made my eyes water. It was such a huge affirmation that I needed to proceed with my work.
Last week, I donated a copy of my Poobum and Pompom book to our local library and asked them if I could organize a book launch with them. They run lots of parent-child groups and I thought they would be the best place to launch my second book which is meant to help parents communicate with their little ones when they are adjusting to the arrival of a sibling. I was asked to e-mail their Community Outreach person. I did and there was no reply. One week later, I had not received an e-mail to acknowledge that my inquiry was received or to express interest in hosting my book launch. I returned today to ask if I should expect a response. I was informed that their Community Outreach person is part-time therefore she may get back to me when she is in tomorrow.
As I was leaving the library, I bumped into the owner of a local art gallery. I told her I was frustrated with this lack of response. She showed me why she was there. She was leaving pamphlets to advertise an art tour that happens every year. She suggested I go to her art gallery to sell and promote my book. I need an indoor space to keep art materials from flying away so I told her the front lawn of her gallery would not work for what I was trying to do. She said I was welcome to go back some other time and use the back room of her art gallery. She then informed me that the Ottawa Art Gallery runs programs for young people. This led me to their website and what I discovered about their programs is very exciting. You never know what is just around the corner. I have bumped into this gallery owner many ties over the past month. We are setting up a coffee date to talk about how we can make use of her art gallery.
Everything happens for a reason. If you want more synchronicity in your life, start documenting all the coincidences that occur on a daily basis. If you own a journal, jot it down at the end of the day. Otherwise, keep track of synchronicity by writing it on a post it note. If you review your post its at the end of the week or month, you will notice a pattern. These "coincidences" are leading you in a direction. By paying attention to them, you will notice them increasing. To me, seeing signs and experiencing synchronicity is like crowd surfing. You let the signs propel you forward, trusting that you will end up where you need to be.
PS. When I logged in to write this post, I saw that 1111 people had read my blog. There is that number again :)
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 14 March 2016
Family Dynamics
March 14th, 2016
Who are you? I mean in your family. What is your role? Where do you fit in the puzzle of your family? Whenever I offer a team building workshop for small groups I like to explore this question. We are complex human beings. We may be controlling and bossy at work then dependent and quiet at home. Each environment brings out a different aspect of us.
The thing is, we often walk right into the same role at work and in our romantic relationship as we had in our family of origin. Were you the peacemaker at home? Are you the only one still talking to everyone at work? The one every member of the team confides in? Were you a caregiver when you were growing up, caring for an alcoholic parent? You may be determined to marry someone who doesn't drink but you end up with someone who depends on you in other ways. Are all your employers incompetent people who need your expertise to succeed, just another expression of the same pattern.
If each employee is carrying a role from his/her family of origin but is unaware of it, then each conflict at work is perceived as new and unique to that specific working relationship. What happens when you recognize a pattern, when you realize that this is just an extension of your previous role from your family of origin? It depersonalizes the conflict at work, it brings you back to the original relationship to figure out what needs to be resolved. You can make choices from a place of awareness. The intensity of the conflict vanishes. You are able to question your perception. "Are they excluding me or am I imagining that they would prefer it if I didn't join them because I felt like an outsider in my family of origin"? The ability to check the validity of your perceptions is empowering.
Have you ever noticed how the same family story can be told differently by the family members who were there? We carry our stories with us. We tell our partner, our children, our friends and colleagues our version of these stories. They become a part of our identity. They influence the way we interact with others, our expectations of them. We change, our loved ones change but we interact as if everything is the same. Isn't it funny how we become 5 years old when we bump into our kindergarten teacher. We are full grown with children of our own but we find ourselves greeting her the same way, with the same tone: "Hello Mrs Birke"!
We project these behaviors onto new people. We transfer our fear of parents onto authority figures, our desire to please to other men or women, our competitiveness from our siblings to our colleagues. Take a moment to become conscious of the impact your roles have on your current life.
1-What was your job in your family of origin? Did you make people laugh, stir up trouble, create chaos, rebel, keep the peace, compete, make yourself invisible, do all the work, try to be perfect?
2-Who were your allies in the family (people who supported you)?
3-Were you in a coalition with someone (ganging up against someone else)?
4-Were you the black sheep (different/outsider)?
5-What were the rules in your family (even if they were never spoken)?
6- What were your family's expectations of you? Were you expected to take over the family business, marry someone from your culture or religion, get rich and support your family?
7-What did your family stand for and value? (success, family, patriotism, community involvement, education, athletics)
8-How would you qualify the relationship between your parents and among your family members? (intimate, close, loving, supportive or cold, divided, chaotic, violent, numb)
Once you've answered these questions, examine your current lifestyle and relationships, at home and at work. Can you see the connections between your life and your foundation? I would be very surprised if you didn't. Once you make peace with your family of origin and heal early wounds, the troubling people in your present will lose their hold on you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Who are you? I mean in your family. What is your role? Where do you fit in the puzzle of your family? Whenever I offer a team building workshop for small groups I like to explore this question. We are complex human beings. We may be controlling and bossy at work then dependent and quiet at home. Each environment brings out a different aspect of us.
The thing is, we often walk right into the same role at work and in our romantic relationship as we had in our family of origin. Were you the peacemaker at home? Are you the only one still talking to everyone at work? The one every member of the team confides in? Were you a caregiver when you were growing up, caring for an alcoholic parent? You may be determined to marry someone who doesn't drink but you end up with someone who depends on you in other ways. Are all your employers incompetent people who need your expertise to succeed, just another expression of the same pattern.
If each employee is carrying a role from his/her family of origin but is unaware of it, then each conflict at work is perceived as new and unique to that specific working relationship. What happens when you recognize a pattern, when you realize that this is just an extension of your previous role from your family of origin? It depersonalizes the conflict at work, it brings you back to the original relationship to figure out what needs to be resolved. You can make choices from a place of awareness. The intensity of the conflict vanishes. You are able to question your perception. "Are they excluding me or am I imagining that they would prefer it if I didn't join them because I felt like an outsider in my family of origin"? The ability to check the validity of your perceptions is empowering.
Have you ever noticed how the same family story can be told differently by the family members who were there? We carry our stories with us. We tell our partner, our children, our friends and colleagues our version of these stories. They become a part of our identity. They influence the way we interact with others, our expectations of them. We change, our loved ones change but we interact as if everything is the same. Isn't it funny how we become 5 years old when we bump into our kindergarten teacher. We are full grown with children of our own but we find ourselves greeting her the same way, with the same tone: "Hello Mrs Birke"!
We project these behaviors onto new people. We transfer our fear of parents onto authority figures, our desire to please to other men or women, our competitiveness from our siblings to our colleagues. Take a moment to become conscious of the impact your roles have on your current life.
1-What was your job in your family of origin? Did you make people laugh, stir up trouble, create chaos, rebel, keep the peace, compete, make yourself invisible, do all the work, try to be perfect?
2-Who were your allies in the family (people who supported you)?
3-Were you in a coalition with someone (ganging up against someone else)?
4-Were you the black sheep (different/outsider)?
5-What were the rules in your family (even if they were never spoken)?
6- What were your family's expectations of you? Were you expected to take over the family business, marry someone from your culture or religion, get rich and support your family?
7-What did your family stand for and value? (success, family, patriotism, community involvement, education, athletics)
8-How would you qualify the relationship between your parents and among your family members? (intimate, close, loving, supportive or cold, divided, chaotic, violent, numb)
Once you've answered these questions, examine your current lifestyle and relationships, at home and at work. Can you see the connections between your life and your foundation? I would be very surprised if you didn't. Once you make peace with your family of origin and heal early wounds, the troubling people in your present will lose their hold on you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)