Failure

June 29th, 2016

From a very young age, we learn to compare ourselves to others. Are we taller, a faster runner, more popular, smarter than our peers? At school, we are rewarded for understanding quickly and repeating what we have learned. As we grow up, our parents, the media and community bombard us with messages regarding what it means to be successful. We might go to school longer to become the professionals our parents want us to be. We might work long hours to buy the big house and the ultra expensive sports car. We may use credit cards to pay for holidays we can't afford. We do this to look and feel successful.

In my work, I see people who are struggling with a sense of failure. After a divorce, many women feel like they have failed. Some will say that they should have left years earlier but they feared what others would say and think.

Mothers with teenagers come and see me because they feel that they have failed as a mother. Their previously loving and affectionate daughters no longer speak to them. Everything the moms say or do to bridge the gap that is ever widening only creates conflict. Their child is acting up and they fear that it's all their fault.

When clients come into my studio after they have been laid off, they are feeling shocked and disoriented. They climbed that social ladder and reached an acceptable status. When they suddenly find themselves further down the ladder, they feel like they have failed. It is a blow to their self-esteem.

We learn to avoid failure at all costs but failing is essential to our growth. We are here to experience life. If we fear participating in life because we don't ever want to fail, we end up not reaching our full potential. A comfortable life is not challenging therefore we don't learn anything new about others, about life and about ourselves.

When we fail, we get to receive love and support from our friends and family. These experiences show us who our true friends are and strengthen our relationships. Failing shuts doors so we might explore new avenues we never would have considered otherwise. When we fail in business, it can redirect us to a second career that is more compatible with our personality.

You don't know what you are capable of until you have experienced hardship. When you reach rock bottom, you have a choice-give up or get back up. What you decide teaches you something about your character. Failing also makes you more compassionate. When others are struggling, you can relate, you've been there. You know what others did that helped you pull through and you recall the things people said or did that just made it worst. This prepares you to support others to the best of your abilities.

If you have recently failed at something, ask yourself these questions:
1-On a scale of 1-10, how important will this seem to me in ten years from now? Will I still care?
2-What does this failure mean to me? What does it represent?
3-What story am I creating about this failure and where did this story originate?
4-Is this part of a pattern? Have I been here before? When did this pattern start? What needs healing?
5-How can I love myself today? What simple act of self-care can I perform to support myself?
6-What is the message in this failure? What is it meant to teach me?
7-Is there anything in my control that I can do to move forward today?
8-Who are the people I can reach out to, who love and support me?

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org