June 30th, 2016
I need to apologize right off the bat for my title. It's self-indulgent and silly but I just had to do it. You see, the topic for today is my weight. I am puzzled by my own behaviours. Right now, I am eating some BBQ chips as I type. As I reach for the bag, leftovers from the girls' sleepover party, I know it is not a healthy food choice and yet here I am. What is even more surprising is how many times throughout the day my brain reminded me that I really need to resume my exercise routine and eat healthy. I had loads of veggies and fruit earlier today, more leftovers from the party.
In 18 days, my mother-in-law will fly from England to Canada to meet the girls and I for the first time. Can there be any more motivation? I want to have a healthy weight and fit into my pretty dresses when she visits. I also want to feel fit and energized so I can keep up with my girls this summer. So, why am I eating chips? Why have I dumped the gym? Why is my workbook detailing all the exercises I can do at home still in the car? I don't know!
This is not a post with advice for you. There is no story about how I turned it all around and ended up on a beauty pageant. This is an exploration of what the heck is going on. It baffles me. I have always been skinny. For most of my life my body looked very much like a stick figure, no bumps or curves just one straight line. When I got pregnant with my first and my body got voluptuous I was ecstatic. I looked and felt like a woman. I walked every day because there were sidewalks where I lived at the time and there were places within walking distance. I could get groceries, do some banking or grab a Tim's before heading home. After my second pregnancy, we lived out here where there are no sidewalks, nothing is within walking distance and I knew no one. I mainly sat on the floor to play with my eldest or sat on the couch to breastfeed. I shed some of the weight but the stress in my life led to my midsection staying bigger than the rest of my body.
This worries me because carrying more weight in your midsection is correlated with a higher risk of many illnesses including heart disease, stroke and diabetes. I want to live. I still have so much to do. I love my daughters and want to see them grow up and be a part of their lives. I know what to do to lose weight: eat more veggies and healthy protein, drink more water and less coffee, cut out sugar, processed food, limit my grain intake and exercise three times weekly.
I buy the green tea, the lemons and the veggies. I eat really well then I panic. Why? I am so hungry! I always hit this point where I am starving and I can't find anything to eat that is ok and satisfying. I love salad! I can make really good ones but I need to buy the ingredients and because they are fresh I may not get more than two days out of them. Also, even a succulent salad can be boring after a week. So I give up, I give in and I go back to eating whatever is available. I know I am not alone.
The sad thing is I love my body. I am strong, I have fantastic genes and I have been through some pretty stressful times. My body has pulled through for me. I am so grateful to my body. I did a meditation the other day. I sent love to every cell in my body and felt love flowing through me. I pledged to take better care of my body. I meant it.
So why am I eating BBQ chips? Good question. If you struggle with your weight, have successfully lost weight or know the answer to this question, I would love to hear from you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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