When Mama Needs a Break

December 8th, 2016

I have been reading, Leave Me, by Gayle Forman. This novel tells the story of a woman in her 40s who suffers a heart attack. She is in denial, pushing through her symptoms until her discomfort frightens her. Even after she is told that what she experienced is a heart attack, she refuses to believe it. It can’t be, she is too busy, can’t fit it into her schedule. This can’t be happening to her. This is all too common among women who put themselves last. They think they will go to the doctor’s when they have time but that time never comes. 

She is sent home for some respite and finds that she is thrown back into the chaos of life with twin, over scheduled, school-aged children. She has always been the planner, the organizer, the responsible one. Her children, her husband and even her mother all depend on her for strength and leadership. When she realizes that her heart will never heal amidst the stress of her home life, she decides to run away. 

I think we have all faced that desire to flee at some point in our journey as mothers. Most of the book describes the new life she develops in Pittsburg. I don’t read many novels but I truly enjoyed this one. As I interview moms for my own book, I hear many stories from overwhelmed moms who are struggling to balance their many responsibilities. Simply booking our interview appointments can be a challenge. I am only available on weekdays while my daughters are in school. I might insert a few interviews on Saturday when my mother comes to watch the children but I generally save that time for my girls. These moms may work during the day or only be available one day a week. Add to that the snow days, PD days, sick days (their children or mine) and you can see how this becomes a challenge.

On Monday, the school buses were not cancelled but I kept my daughters home. The roads did not look friendly to me. There were many accidents on the icy road. I felt grateful that I could be at home with my girls. Once upon a time when I worked as a college professor, I couldn’t have made that decision and, I would be on that icy road commuting to and from campus. I wasn’t able to blog on Monday. My daughters kept me busy. 

On Tuesday, I was determined to get my post in before the end of the day. I went out for Christmas shopping with my husband in the morning. He had been shopping online as well. As we returned to the house, I sat at the computer and realized the battery was dead. I plugged it in and got more items off my to-do list. I checked on the computer and it still hadn’t charged. Apparently this is an issue with the latest MAC products. My husband needed the computer to confirm appointments. We checked different outlets and still couldn’t get it to charge. The girls would be home soon. I promised myself to post on the Wednesday, for sure. The computer was charging, finally so no problem.

On Wednesday, I checked that the computer was charged first thing in the morning. It was, oh joy! I took a shower and sat at the desk. My husband had reset the computer and downloaded upgrades in order to decrease the amount of time required to charge the battery. As a result, we had to log in to all our programs. He couldn’t check his order status on Amazon and I couldn’t blog because neither of us knew our passwords. When you go nearly a year of simply opening programs, you get out of the habit of typing your password. I knew I had written it down somewhere. If I could just remember where. Last night, I searched my phone and iPad’s notepads and I found it. So here I am, back on track. 

What I’ve learned from other moms is how common it is for us to feel like failures because, even though we are constantly working on something, we don’t feel that we accomplish anything. We end up feeling like a mediocre mom, employee, wife, woman despite our best efforts to be the best mom, employee, wife and woman. There is comfort in the realization that we are not alone, that we are humans and were not designed to be everything to everyone. 

If you are a frazzled mom, reading this and nodding knowingly, take a moment today to do something for yourself. Self-care is how you survive and no it’s not selfish, you can’t be your best when you’re running on empty. Here are some ideas based on my own preferences. If you don’t like my list, please create your own.

1-Stop in your favourite coffee shop and get your favourite treat (green tea latte, americano, peanut butter cookie etc). 

2-Borrow a book from the library that you can read before bed or at lunch time. If you’re not sure what to read, ask about the library staff’s favourite picks.

3-Soak in a bubble bath with candles and music

4-Sort through your CDs and select a few favourites to listen to on your way to work or just driving around

5-Go for a walk, not to go anywhere in particular, just to get some fresh air, bring the dog if you have one

6-Call someone you’d like to connect with even if you only have ten minutes

7-Pick up a prepared meal instead of making one from scratch and use the extra time to relax or spend quality time with loved ones

8-Prepare a facial with whatever you have in the house (avocado, egg whites, honey, mayonnaise?)

9-Dance around the house to your favourite music

10-Rent a movie or find one on Netflix that all of you could watch together as a family

Enjoy!

Anne Walsh

www.artnsoul.org

Am I a Writer Yet?

December 1st, 2016

In the early 2000s, I submitted a short story to a collaborative book published by Mimi Publishing. I wrote about my work with people diagnosed with dementia. I wanted to inspire the staff in long term care and loved ones of individuals with dementia to stimulate and appreciate the person within the illness. When Mimi Publishing was ready to start its second collaboration, I submitted a more personal story. This time, my aim was to write about my childhood in a less than ideal low income neighbourhood in order to reach out to at-risk teens. The message to my story was that you can't choose your lifestyle when you are a child but, as an adult, you can design your own life regardless of your beginnings. The lady who edited my text, focused on the biographical aspect of my story and, by the time it went to print, there wasn't much left of the motivational part of my story. I was disappointed and never really sold that book to anyone.

Years later, I interviewed older adults living in my neighbourhood and submitted their stories to the local paper. I enjoyed doing this and ended up being a reporter for some time, visiting local businesses and interesting individuals to document what they were doing and why it mattered to the people in our community.

I enjoyed writing. I was able to use my creativity and people wrote to me or spoke to me when we bumped into one another to say they loved reading what I wrote. I approached a friend and artist Meredith Luce and we collaborated on a deck of art therapy cards. These cards were meant to help ease women going through painful life transitions by suggesting art therapy directives they could do from home with cheap materials.

I started volunteering in my daughter's class. I wanted to design workshops that taught life skills such as friendship, stress management, healthy boundaries, constructive self-expression and self-care but I couldn't find a book about the healthy expression of anger or frustration. This led me down the self-publishing path and my first book was born. Have You Hugged Your Alien? was my tool to initiate conversations with elementary school children about the normalcy of their emotions.

I followed up with a second book dealing with sibling rivalry as children adjust to a younger sibling. The first book was popular with teachers, therapists and parents. The second book was used by parents and the workshops were mostly in libraries or after school programs.

Last January, after chatting with my friend Chris who is a writer, I expressed my desire to write more often but my confusion about how one goes about getting paid for their work. Chris has been my informal mentor since then, pointing out grant application deadline, writer's festivals and events as well as associations that support and promote the work of writers. I have learned a great deal from her. I figured if I wanted to feel like a writer, I needed to write every day. So, I started this blog and I have written on most weekdays since then. I also write in my journal.

This past weekend, I attended the Small Press Fair in Ottawa. I was really scared but I got registered  and showed up anyways. Mandy from Classic Graphics had prepared a huge sign for me with a bio and a copy of the title page from each book as well as my logo on it. She did a great job, as usual. I found a table, under the gaze of the other writers who were already set up. I noticed they all had table cloths, really good quality ones. Oops! I scrambled back to my car and, luckily, I had a Dollar Store tablecloth in my truck, leftover from Wednesday's workshop. It would have to do. I finished setting up my table and acknowledged my neighbours, the ten sets of eyes sitting across from me. I felt like such a newbie. My sign was way too big. Everyone else was way more discreet. I felt like a nouveau riche surrounded by people who came from old money. "One of these things is not like the others". I stayed, I met interesting people, made excellent connections and now have one small press fair under my belt. It turns out that many of the people around my table were also new to this. Everyone was nice and supportive. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Now, I am writing a book for women, The Mommy Monologues. I am interviewing mothers from every walk of life. I have written a quarter of it already. I am humbled and moved by the tremendous stories of love and courage that these mothers are sharing with me. I used to be an art therapist who also liked to write. As time goes on, more people introduce me as a writer who is also an art therapist.  I was thinking about this on the weekend. I felt like an imposter. I didn't study English literature, I'm never sure if my grammar and punctuation are acceptable, English isn't even my first language. I love to write and do it every day but I still feel like a liar when I say I'm a writer. I wondered what makes someone a writer. There are plenty of successful authors who did not have a background in English Literature. There is an equally impressive amount of people with an English degree who have yet to write anything. So, this leads me to my question: Am I a writer yet?

I feel like an art therapist who loves to write and does so to help people connect and heal. I proudly call myself an author because I have self-published books however, I still feel like a fraud if I call myself a writer. Perhaps this next book will be a game-changer for me. Who knows? For now, I am just enjoying the writing process, the therapeutic value in people telling their stories to someone who is hanging on their every word, the sense of hope and connection that women get from recognizing their story in someone else's narrative and, the pride I get for bringing these amazing women together in one book.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

The mother of all stories; local author seeks moms willing to contribute to book

November 4th, 2016

Jennifer Westendorp from The Kemptville Advance, wrote this article about my book in order to get more moms to step forward and share their stories. Thank you Jennifer! If you know any mother who would like to share her story, please send her my way.

http://www.insideottawavalley.com/community-story/6945860-the-mother-of-all-stories-local-author-seeks-moms-willing-to-contribute-to-book/

The mother of all stories; local author seeks moms willing to contribute to book
Every mother has a story to tell; of love, heartbreak, exclusion, judgement, friendship, frustration, pure joy, insomnia or guilt. Mothers have been through it all.

Local author and art therapist Anne Walsh has set out on a mission to gather these stories and compile them into a book all mothers can relate to.

And she wants your help.

“I am writing a book called Mommy Monologues, which is basically a book about motherhood,” explained Walsh.

Working as an art therapist has shown here that often mothers feel alone.

“Mommy’s have monologues running through their heads; I didn’t make it to an activity at my child’s school, I wasn’t there for them, I didn’t get this done, my child doesn’t have their boots on like everyone else, they left without mittens.”

Motherhood has become a competitive sport, said Walsh.

“Where there is competition, there is no vulnerability, so people don’t see you need support. Meanwhile, people are struggling and nobody knows.”

The goal of the book is to break through the barrier of taboo; to show struggling doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom.

“I want to show the variety of mommy monologues,” said Walsh. “To show moms they are not alone.”

When you think about motherhood, you see images of the ‘soccer mom’ or ‘working mom,’ she explained.

“There are so many more varieties out there; moms who adopted, moms who are gay, moms with addiction issues, moms with mental health issues or who have kids with mental health issues. There are all these different types of moms out there with no community. All they see are moms who are able-bodied and not struggling, so they feel isolated.”

“What I want to do is interview all these moms,” she continued. “I am looking for moms from all walks of life. I want to hear it all. My goal is for every mother to be able to pick up this book and be able to find her story.”

Walsh, who has interviewed 10 moms so far, hopes to include stories from about 100.

“I’ve talked to many moms about this and a lot of them say ‘oh, you wouldn’t want my story in your book.’ They don’t feel like they are good enough to be included. I want to honour all stories by putting them in the book. No story is insignificant.”

If you are interested in sharing your story with Walsh, email her directly at artnsoul@ripnet.com or send her a message on Facebook. People who participate do not have to use their real name in the book.


Jennifer Westendorp is the reporter for the Kemptville Advance. She studied journalism-print at Algonquin College. Her interests include reading, writing and being outdoors.

The Mommy Monologues Begin

October 4th, 2016

Today is the day. There is a book in me, begging to come out. I have requested funding. I have discussed it with others. I have collected contact information for potential interview leads. The problem with requesting funds is that you are not supposed to start the project until you find out if you have received the funds or not. This is proving to be difficult for me. You see, this book has a mind of its own. It wants to live and will not leave me alone. Therefore, I have decided to just get started, there is so much to do.

The Mommy Monologues is a book about women who have chosen to become mothers whether they actually gave birth to a child or not. Women are strong and, when we support and acknowledge one another, there is nothing we can't do. Unfortunately, when we become mothers, an intense, emotional experience, we divide into cliques. Even within the "mainstream moms" there are four distinct sub-sections: the stay-at-home mom, the working mom, the breastfeeding mom and the bottle feeding mom. They are all moms but somehow there is judgment and division where there could be solidarity and mutual support. That is so sad!

What about mothers who are different in other ways? I call them marginalized moms. They are often excluded from the "mainstream" clique even though they are very much a mom, just like them. The aim of this book is to give every mother a voice so that any woman can pick up this book and find herself represented. Mothers who feel isolated can see that they are not alone. Other mothers reading these stories will gain some understanding of what it's like to be a different kind of mom. There is so much diversity within the one umbrella that is motherhood.

Here is a sample of the types of moms I am looking to interview:
-Women who never left the hospital with their baby (miscarriage, still born, put up for adoption)
-Women whose children have a disability or physical illness
-Women whose children have a mental illness
-Women who themselves have a mental or physical illness
-Women who have adopted their child
-Women who became a step-mom
-Women who got pregnant through in-vitro
-Women who are recovering addicts
-Women who are serving or have served time in jail
-Women who are living or have lived in a shelter
-Military moms who move from one base to the next every few years
-Military moms who have been diagnosed with ptsd or whose partner has been diagnosed with ptsd
-Gay/Lesbian/Transgender/Transexual moms
-Multicultural moms
-Mothers who live at or under the line of poverty

I want to hear these stories and share them. I believe that reading about the diverse experiences of motherhood teaches us that we are all human beings doing our best based on our knowledge and abilities. There is no need for judgement, division and comparison. We can learn from each other and grow even stronger as a community.

If you are one of these moms, I want to hear from you. If you know someone who is, please share this post and my contact information with her. I look forward to learning from you,

Anne Walsh
artnsoul@ripnet.com
www.artnsoul.org

The Mommy Monologues?

June 9th, 2016

Yesterday, I went to Juice 97.5FM for an interview with Diana Fisher. We were promoting the book launch for my second children's book, The Story of Poobum and Pompom. This morning, I got to listen to the interview before I drove to the grocery store. I was proud of my interview because it gave me the opportunity to share the inspiration for the book, my own experience with my eldest daughter, Molly, when my youngest, Stella, was born. My intention in writing the book was to help other parents through this transition. It was such a challenging time for us as a family.

As I drove to the store, thinking about my life seven years ago and how far we have come, a title popped into my head, The Mommy Monologues. I remember when the Vagina Monologues just hit the stage. It was so controversial, women talking about their vaginas. Each vagina story revealed a different aspect of women- their femininity, sexuality, vulnerability, creativity and power. I was struck by how women struggle these days in their roles as mothers. Times have changed, women are liberated, they have so many choices-have a child, don't have a child, get married, don't get married, take maternity leave or return to work, work from home or work outside the home (just to name a few). You would think that would empower women but there is so much variety in the way we mother as well as judgment among moms.

Women may feel guilty if they wish to return to work soon after having their child. They may feel pressured to take the year off because they can. Others may want to stay home longer but need to return to work for financial reasons. The way we parent can be very different, the level of involvement, emotional availability and sharing, discipline, values, spiritual education of children etc. We have all these options but considerably less support during those important years of adjustment to our new role.

Becoming a parent changes you and it certainly impacts your relationship with your partner. We need more support as women in our important role as mothers. We also need more diversity in our stories and portrayals of mothers-working moms, stay-at-home moms, mothers with mental illnesses, mothers struggling with addictions or suffering through physical, emotional, sexual abuse, incarcerated mothers, mothers on welfare, moms with cancer, lesbian moms, adoptive moms, surrogate moms, step-moms, moms who never got to take their babies home-man there is so much richness just waiting to be harvested!

Wouldn't it be cool to have the Mommy Monologues, a play where a wide range of mothers get to share their story, something that will speak to each mother in the audience regardless of who she is and what she is going through, an experience that would breed compassion for every type of mom, celebrate our resilience and help others understand what mothering is like when your life is in a totally different reality.

I just had the title float through my mind today, it will simmer for a while until I can find a way to birth it and share it. This is a very exciting idea and I will savour it-its newness and potential, for just a while longer.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Quiet Time

May 17th, 2016

Yesterday was a great day! At approximately 2:45pm, a Fed Ex man came to my door and dropped off two boxes. The boxes were filled with my books, Have You Hugged Your Alien? and The Story of Poobum and Pompom. My first book was out last year and I used it for my workshops in elementary schools. I had sold out of the book. The second one had never been published and I was very excited to hold it in my hands.

As if things couldn't get better, my husband told me he was taking the girls to gymnastics so I would have 3 hours to myself! This is a rare thing. He took the girls to gymnastics last week but my eldest threw up as soon as they arrived so he didn't get to see them enjoy the class. This week, they stayed for the entire 2 hour class.

My mind raced with how to best use this precious time. I made myself a delicious salad and listened to more Hay House interviews. I journaled and created art about my vision for our future as a family while sipping a hot coffee. I took an epsom bath with lavender drops. I buffed away the dry skin from my heels and clipped my toe nails. I changed the payment information on my amazon.ca account so I could order two books I have been wanting. I created a yummy probiotic yogurt, granola and berries dessert and savoured each bite.

As you read this you probably think, BORING! The thing is, as hum drum as my evening may sound to you, I loved it. That is what is important. We all need some down time to recharge our batteries. What would fill you up is different from what works for me. It doesn't matter what others think.

By the time my husband returned with our two sleepy daughters, I was feeling calm and replenished. I had prepared the girls' bedrooms (humidifiers filled, stuffies ready for cuddles and diffusers spreading a warm scent throughout the room). I took some time to hear about their classes and give them a quick snack. I wasn't rushed or tired because I was able to look after my needs earlier that evening. Having some quiet time isn't just great for our mental health, it also makes us better moms and partners.

When was the last time you had quiet time? Start now by picking a day and time frame like Saturday morning from 10am-noon. Then brainstorm what would fill your batteries. You may want to walk through an art gallery (bring a sketch book, why not?). You may prefer to sit at a coffee shop and read a good book. No? What about a brisk walk with the dog on a nearby trail? Going to see a chick flick ?

Once you have found your bliss, let others know you will be unavailable at the set time and turn off your phone. If you hear a text, don't peek, actually it's better if you leave your phone in the car. Just enjoy your activity. Feel how special it is to have this time to spend by yourself. You will reach a point when you feel full. That is when you know you are replenished. You may want to share this experience with others, tell them what you did and how it felt. This is your signal that you are ready to head back to your loved ones, replenished and grateful for your respite. Try it, you'll like it.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Claire Charron

March 18th, 2016

Today is a special day, my mother, Claire Charron, was born 67 years ago today. I will be visiting her with my daughters. We'll bring her back to our home and spend the weekend together. When I was young, I loved my mother because she was my mom. Eventually, I heard about the hardships she had faced when she had me and was pressured to abort me. Needless to say, she chose to keep me but her family and friends rejected her. She faced many years alone, shamed for having a dark child and for being a single mom.

She worked hard to provide a home and to fill our bellies every day. I often tease her about her culinary adventures. We ate Spam, Click, Cam, and mac n cheese without the cheese (she only used a sprinkling of cheese which made it sooo gross). Once in a while, when she was feeling rich, she would buy balony and fry it in a pan, she served it with melted, fried cheddar and a can of corn. It was a gastronomical leap forward and I would dance for joy!

Now that I am older, I love my mom because I recognize that she is a compassionate human being. She doesn't judge people. When I hung out with punk rockers with black, spiked hair and piercings, she treated them with the same respect as anyone else. I watched her working at the reception of a long term care facility. She listened to the stories of the many lonely residents who came to visit her even though she had lots of work to do with multiple deadlines. When she walked away from her desk to deliver important papers to managers, I saw her kneel next to every resident who wanted to talk to her so she could be at eye level with them. She eventually obtained a degree in palliative care and she currently volunteers at Montfort Hospital, sitting with residents who are anxious or lonely. She supports families who are grieving as well.

As a mother, I have a new respect for the challenges she must have faced when she was alone and unprepared for the responsibilities of parenthood. She worked hard and gave me what she could. We went through many experiences together. What I love about my mother is that she loves unconditionally. When I wanted to move to Montreal for my studies, she was very sad. She loved having me with her. However, she encouraged me to go for it. Whenever I make a decision, she supports me and dosent not try to give me advice. As I raise my children, I am sure she doesn't always agree with my approach but she keeps it to herself. She lets me carve out my own path, follow my gut and parent as I see fit.

In my career, she is the first to celebrate my accomplishments and, when I fail, she is there to hear me vent and pray for me. She visits our children every week, draws with them and listens to their stories. She has their art plastered all over her refrigerator. She logs their funny comments in her journal. She loves reading self-help books and is always learning something new.

Today I celebrate my mom for her simplicity, her sense of humour, her unconditional love and compassion. Hope you have a great day mom! I love you!

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Book of the Week-Year of Yes

March 12th, 2016

I am so excited to share this book with you. I purchased this week's book at the pharmacy. I recognized the author's name, Shonda Rhimes. I knew that name but I coudn't figure out how I knew it. As I read through the book I learned that she is a writer and has written many successful television series such as Grey's Anatomy. I never watched that show so I still don't know why her name was so familiar.

I read the book in three days. It was just one of those books. Shonda and I have a great deal in common. As a child, she had this active imagination and she liked to sit in the pantry and invent people, places and stories. When she became famous and was suddenly in the spotlight, out of her comfort zone. Shonda worked very hard but she tried to become invisible. She ate her emotions, stuffing them deeper, silencing them, numbing herself in the process. She gained weight and said no to the many networking opportunities that were presented to her. She was successful but tired and unhappy.

One day, her sister reprimanded her for saying no to everything. This accusation sat in her brain and simmered until she came to the conclusion that her sister was right. She did say no to everything. This kept her safe and comfortable. She wasn't challenging herself. Shonda decided she would commit to saying yes to every opportunity that presented itself over the course of a year. She faced her fear of public speaking and her discomfort with the small talk that is required during social obligations. She stopped suppressing her emotions with food, worked out, ate a healthier dit and lost over 100lbs. She dived into difficult conversations and speaking her truth became easier. She worked through her identity as a mother, accepting that she was a career woman who had help from a nanny and did not have time to bake goods for the bake sale. She found the courage to turn down an engagement to a wonderful man because she doesn't want to be married.

As she says yes to people and opportunities, she becomes more clear about what she wants and what she doesn't. She loses a few friends who do not like the new direct, happy, assertive, fulfilled person she has become. However, she gains peace and self-love. She is grounded and the friends she has are true friends. On page 178, she writes: "The point of this whole Year of Yes project is to say yes to things that scare me, that challenge me. So in order to YES a problem, I have to find whatever it is inside the problem that challenges me or scares me or makes me just freak out-and then I have to say yes to that thing". She calls this new approach to life, becoming a "badass".

Throughout the book, Shonda talks about the joys and challenges of motherhood. She has to re-connect to her playful self. As an adult with many responsibilities who lives in her head, she must train herself to be in the moment and play. She commits to turn off her phone at 6pm every day and, as much as she can, not work on weekends. She decides she will say yes every time her children want her to play or listen to them because she can generally give them 15 minutes then they move on to something else. She talks about the judging that happens among women: the working moms against the stay-at-home moms and she wonders why we can't just mother in our own way and be supportive of each other. She points out the need for support as mothers, how we used to get that from neighbors, friends and families but that is rare these days with everyone doing their own thing. She relates a story of her desire to style her hair like Whitney Houston when she was younger. She was so discouraged by her failed attempts until she was informed that Whitney wore a wig. Being a mom is like that, we imagine every other mom has got it all under control and this puts pressure and unrealistic expectations on us. If we are honest with each other and admit our need for support or, that we have a great network of support helping us, it creates a space for moms to reach out for help without feeling any shame about it.

I absolutely loved this book. It was empowering, thought-provoking and inspiring.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Adrenal Fatigue

February 26th, 2016

Stop for a moment and think about the people in your life: your partner, siblings, friends and colleagues. How many of them have endless energy and a zest for life? Our lives are fast-paced, hectic and packed with responsibilities. The advent of technology was meant to simplify things for us yet we try to perform as if we, ourselves, were machines.

As a mother, spouse, art therapist, and middle-aged woman, I find that I often run out of steam. As I talk to other parents, I see that I am not alone. Parenthood seems to be synonymous with exhaustion. When my daughters were younger, I would meet my "mommy friends" for coffee. We drank excessive amounts of caffeine to keep us going. We talked about our sleep deprivation, the endless, thankless chores of laundry and cooking, the pros and cons of breastfeeding, the challenge of balancing our career and parental duties, our lack of support and energy.

It never occurred to me that motherhood and exhaustion did not go hand in hand. It was so common that it didn't seem abnormal. Women are not the best at self-care. We make nutritious meals for our family and eat the leftovers while standing at the kitchen counter. We stay up late folding laundry while our loved ones sleep only to be woken up way too early by the pitter patter of little feet.
"Of course I'm drained, aren't you?" we ask. 

It's the same for men working 8-10 hours each day, coming home to play with the children while their wife prepares supper, running errands and performing maintenance duties on the weekends. Caregivers looking after a loved one with special needs or a chronic illness can also relate. Ditto for the "Sandwich Generation", supporting adult children while caring for aging parents. There are so many examples of people getting worn out by spreading themselves too thin.

Obviously, getting rest and achieving better balance between work and play are ideal solutions to this issue but there are times when you need more support. I recently learned about a condition that I believe goes undetected way too often. Adrenal Fatigue is what happens when you are under stress for prolonged periods of time. Our body is equipped with an emergency system. When we are stressed, we release cortisol and choose between "fight or flight". This process is instrumental to our survival during emergency situations. However, when we constantly trigger this system in response to everyday stress, our adrenal glands become depleted. Adrenal Fatigue is characterized by fatigue that doesn't get better with sleep, becoming overly dependent on caffeine or energy drinks to keep going, retaining body fat (especially on the tummy), craving sweets or carbohydrates and, feeling overwhelmed. Sound like anyone you know?

I am not a physician or even a nurse but I am writing about this because I had never heard of adrenal fatigue. As I read the symptoms I recognized so many people. I know individuals who eat well, try to get their sleep, are working on creating more balance in their life yet they still can't stop feeling tired and overwhelmed. What if supporting their adrenal glands could help them restore their energy and feel like themselves again?

Testing for adrenal fatigue is simple enough. You can test your levels through blood or saliva tests. Treatment involves an adrenal support supplement or acupuncture. The goal of treatment is to restore the healthy function of your adrenal glands. If you think you might be experiencing adrenal fatigue, speak to your family physician or naturopathic doctor. With so much to gain, what have you got to lose?

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Interview with a 40+ Woman-MT

February 12th, 2016

So far, most of the women I have interviewed are nearing the end of their 40s.I decided to seek out a women who is right at the beginning of this process. MT is forty years old. As I interviewed her I noticed a different feel to our discussion. Initially, she talked about turning 40. The number didn't really phase her. I asked if she felt that anything had changed since she turned 40. She said: "Not really, my life is just as crazy as it has always been". What was interesting to me was the level of awareness that grew as I asked each question. She re-considered her answer later on in the interview. "Actually, I have changed. I take better care of my health, I work out and I eat healthier foods".

MT feels like she is the same person she was before, however, she does feel more confident because she has had more life experience. Asked if she would change anything about her life she said she wishes she could have had her children earlier, she feels that she had them too late in life.

MT is most proud of the woman she has become with all of her life experiences. She is proud of the mother she has become as well. She now understands what it means to be married, to be a parent and have bills to pay. MT doesn't know why women undergo major changes in their forties. She thinks maybe it represents a halfway point and we feel ready for a change, just like men going through their midlife crisis.

Right now, the most important thing for MT is happiness, her own and her family's. She wants her husband and her children to live a happy life. Health is always at the forefront as well. It is more challenging for her to find the time to do things for self-care because her children are still young. However, when she has time, she enjoys meditating, reading Tarot cards, getting out to see a movie or  going out for a walk. She enjoys walking in nature especially in the Fall, she hates the cold so she doesn't get out as much in the winter. When she needs comfort, she turns to her husband, her father and a few good friends.

There were questions that MT needed more time to answer. If I get more information, I will add them to this text at a later date. By the end of the interview she confided that she feels like she is in the midst of a transition. She has been in survival mode ever since she had her children. She anticipates many big decisions coming up in the next two to three years. I forwarded the link to this blog to MT. I hope she can gather some comfort from the words of the other 40+ ladies I have interviewed. They have been through this transition and are feeling much happier and leading more balanced lives. That is what I wish for you MT. Best of luck with these very important decisions.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

40+ year old woman-MG

January 29th 2016

For MG, the first 40 years of her life were amazing. She accomplished many of her goals and felt supported by her friends and family. She did not anticipate any changes as she reached her 40th birthday. She imagined that people who struggled with this milestone were those who were not enjoying their life. However, she was surprised when, three days after her 40th birthday, she felt like she'd been hit in the face by a sheet of plywood. She was having an identity crisis and she needed help. She spoke to her sister who suggested she seek professional support. That is exactly what she did.

MG realized that while she had accomplished a great deal, she was not fulfilling her own goals, rather, she was succumbing to the pressures of society; finding a partner and having children. She strived to "perform" in every aspect of her life. She started to question her values and realized she didn't know herself as well as she thought. It was difficult but, with support from her therapist, MG emerged from these dark years with more awareness and new tools. Her partner wondered if their relationship would survive but he stuck around and supported her. They have both grown through this process and are now a stronger couple. MG uncovered the key to happiness. She started doing things for herself because she wanted to do them. She discovered that others can't make you happy. This freed her to be with loved ones without unrealistic expectations.

She wouldn't change a thing about her life. She came from a big family with lots of boys and she feels this may have helped her succeed as an athlete. She believes the path she has travelled is exactly as it should be. If she could transfer her wisdom to younger women, her advice would be to stop relying on others for their own happiness. MG has noticed that we are often wounded by our expectations of others. Everyone should create their own happiness.

MG's pride and joy are her children who are now teenagers. She deduced that women change in their 40s because there is no time for awareness when they are younger. Young women seek to satisfy their parents, young adults are busy achieving goals on their career path, once they become someone's partner, they wish to please him and, as a mother, women forget all about themselves and their partners. As children grow up and become more independent, women become aware that they have time to reflect and they start to live more consciously.

MG has learned the art of self-care. When she doesn't listen to her needs, she becomes exhausted and she is unavailable to her partner and children. The biggest change in her over the years has been her level of conscious awareness. She used to function on auto-pilot going through her checklist of expectations; what a woman should do, check, what a mother should do, check, what a partner should do, check. She has since learned the importance of being selfish in a balanced way. If a woman wishes to be happy, finding time for herself is essential.

MG would love to help build the self-esteem and self-confidence of young girls. She feels that they can do anything as long as they believe in themselves. Armed with self-love, young girls will make excellent choices, reaching their goals and caring for themselves. MG feels grateful that she had positive female role-models. She learned that older women assert themselves, are authentic and, expect to be treated as equals. She saw her mother play a submissive role in her family and she was adamant about not taking on that role in her own life. She has high hopes for women.

Now MG takes time to participate in countless physical activities. She loves being in nature, it helps her to feel grounded. It helps her focus on what is important. She is grateful for the support of her sister and partner. She has taken charge of her life. She feels stronger, happier, more aware and, comfortable in her own skin.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Interview with a 40+ woman-FD

I met with another fascinating woman today. FD was married at 19 years of age and had three children by the age of 25. She was happy, living in a suburb close to everything. She earned her own money by operating a home day care and starting a newspaper route. She soon realized that her husband had very different expectations from hers. He believed that being at home with the children, cooking and cleaning should make her happy. When she expressed an interest in taking a creative writing course, her husband objected.

By the time she turned 30, FD was examining her life. She had expected to achieve more by this age and thought she would feel different. FD was fed up with feeling invisible at parties. When people asked her what she did and she replied that she was raising her three children, they moved on to someone else, assuming she had nothing to say. Her husband never beat her but she would sense the tension rising when he was getting upset and she did what she could to appease him. It was all very draining. As the new millennium rolled around, she had a pivotal conversation with a trusted friend. Her friend suggested that she pick one thing she would like to change in the future and set a date. By April 2000, FD had left her husband. This would be her third and final trip to a shelter.

Her husband had accumulated a huge debt and she inherited half of that amount as her "parting gift". She was a single mother of three, penniless and, without an education, she didn't know how she would take care of her family. An opportunity presented itself to move to Asia where she could make good money, live relatively cheap and complete her Publication Degree from Ryerson's online program. Her intention was to be away for one year but her contract was renewed and, she met an Australian man. Her children were taken care of by her mother and ex-husband. She spoke to them every other day but her husband always listened in on their conversations. She visited every four months. She moved back home, three years later, in March 2006, after a messy break up wth the Australian.

Her children needed to get to know her again. As they strengthened their relationship, FD started re-building her life. She met a man who was also re-building his life. They spent a lot of time together with their children, getting to know each other and, eventually, married late in 2007. She turned 40 shortly after her father passed away in 2008. "Turning 40 didn't really phase me", she said. Her 40s have been mostly about adjusting to married life. She learned to let go of her "single mom mentality". FD is finally in a relationship with a man she can rely on, "It's nice to be with someone who cares if you're hungry, cold or tired. You just need to let them take care of you".

FD is most proud of her relationship with her children. "We're friends which is amazing after everything we've been through". The only thing she would change is her trip to Asia. She wishes she didn't go away but, to this day, she can't imagine any other way to get out of debt as fast as she did. Her advice to young women is to "listen to the people who love you. You don't need to reply. What they say has value, take it in, value it, weigh it". At this point in her life she is "trying to focus on the moment, to sit and communicate".

She believes something causes us to look inward in our 40s and adjust our lives accordingly. As FD reviews the lives of the many generations who came before her, she notices that life changes over time but a "gold thread" stays the same. Her legacy will be to teach the next generation that "you are the only one you can depend on, you've got to make your own decisions and, it's ok to make mistakes because there are no mistakes, only learning". 

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Motherhood-Growing Pains

January 4th, 2016

The young lady who once babysat my little ones is now a mother. I see photos of her with her newborn and I can't believe how much time has passed. I loved being pregnant, breastfeeding, walking around with my baby in a sling, humming lullabies (could never remember the words), watching my baby sleep, going out for walks with the stroller, the whole thing.

My favorite age though has to be 18 months. Everything is magical at that age and you get to introduce your little one to all sorts of experiences and watch her reaction. Sitting together, enjoying a picnic at the beach, imagining our yard as a spaceship, kissing booboos, taking our time, examining every flower or insect, I miss those days.

The thing is, while all this was happening, I wondered if I was being a good mom. I questioned my decisions: Should Molly have juice with supper or is the juice spoiling her appetite as our neighbor suggests? Am I a bad mom for bringing the girls to McDonalds once in a while? The other moms are feeding only organic, whole foods to their children. Is it weird that I haven't weaned my daughter yet if the other moms stopped nursing by six months? Why is my one year old not sleeping through the night? The ladies at play group said their baby slept through the night from the time they brought him home from the hospital.

Overall, mothering young children came easily to me and I enjoyed it. As my eldest daughter nears  age 10, however, it is becoming clear to me that I need a whole new skill set. One evening, as I was sitting with a young man at the Kemptville Youth Centre during an art therapy workshop, I heard him complain about his mother. She was a great source of frustration to him. I listened to him describe what happened when he got home from school. She was trying to connect with him, asking about his day and offering to fix him a snack. This annoyed him because he just wanted to be left alone. I explained to him that, as parents, we each have our strengths. She was a good nurturer but he needed something different from her now. We explored what he did need from his parents so he could communicate this to them. We discussed how our needs and roles shift throughout the life cycle and how they were currently experiencing a growing pain. He was changing and his parents needed his help and guidance. His mom just hadn't found a new way of expressing her love for him. If you offer something to your child and he says: "No, thank you" and you have no idea what else you can do, you are lost, hurt and a bit sad.

This is what I am learning from my own daughter. Sometimes she wants to sit in my lap, be hugged and talk about everything going on in her life. We spend quality time together and I feel like the best mom ever. At other times, she feels frustrated about things that happened at school and she needs to vent, taking it out on me. I am her safe place and she pushes my buttons, stretches the boundaries and, tests the limits. I must decide when to be compassionate and when to be stern and enforce rules. Sometimes I do alright but most of the time I fall short. I don't know about you but when I pictured myself as a mother it didn't look like this. After she's blown up and I have lost my cool, I try to deconstruct what happened and figure out where I went wrong. She's a good girl and I know she'll be fine but this new phase in our relationship has forced me to stretch outside of my comfort zone.

I think the worst part of this phase is the lack of communication among parents. When our children are young, we discuss our challenges: "Little Frankie won't sleep", "Sally had a tantrum at Walmart the other day", "I'm not sure Timmy is ready to start cereal, how old was yours when you started him on solids"? So, today, I am stating, for the record, that I do not have all the answers, that my children are amazing most of the time but have bursts of behaviors that I do not understand and, that despite my training and intentions, I do not always manage their behavior or mine effectively.

Hopefully, this post is helpful for some of you, encouraging you to talk to someone because you recognize that it is a normal growing pain and you are not alone

The Compass

January 1st, 2016

This is an exciting day for me. I have decided to start a new blog. My goal is to blog every day on a variety of topics: motherhood, mental health, physical health, "greening" trends, creativity, a book of the week and, interviews with 40+ year old women. Every week, there will be a post on each of these topics.

Why? I love to write, I do it every day. Also, I love to learn and share what I find out with others. This blog will allow me to accomplish both.

The Compass-I noticed, prior to turning 40, that many of the women around me who had just "celebrated" their 40th birthday were getting divorced, feeling depressed about their age or wanting to run away, to escape, to start over. I was puzzled and a little frightened about what lay ahead for me.

Since my 40th birthday, I have left my 12 year career as a full-time college professor to work from home. This allowed me to put my daughters on the school bus every morning and be present for them at the end of their school day. In theory, I would work from home while they were in school. Sounds ideal doesn't it? However, many clients work during the week so I had to add clients on Saturdays. I offer workshops and meet with individual art therapy clients on Saturdays. I published two children's books and participated in a variety of community projects, wrote meaningful articles for our local newspaper, all good stuff.

What I noticed though was a deep desire for my work to be lucrative. My husband was not exactly on board when I left my position at the college. He recognized that it was a toxic environment, that the commute was stressful and that it cost a lot of money when I worked: babysitting, gas, parking, coffee on campus etc. However, he was not ready to become the main provider for our family. Coming from a low income family, the threat of poverty was very real and scary for him. He runs a successful business and we could survive quite well on his salary alone but I felt that I needed to make money, asap, to reassure him that this was the right decision. I had no doubt that being more present for my children was the right thing to do and that moving away from the stress of my work environment would lead to a better quality of life.

What I didn't anticipate was the blow to my self-esteem when I earned less money. I love my work as an art therapist. When I watch group members grow, change, gain valuable insight and feel supported, I know I am on the right path. When I have a client walk into my studio in pain and leave feeling lighter with a bounce in their step, I feel so grateful for this work. When I bring my workshops to a hospice, the local youth center, the military family resource centre or in schools, I am so happy I could explode! While I am working, I feel fantastic but the gaps between clients create self-doubt. Should I just get a full-time job as a receptionist and do what I love on the weekend? If I get a 9-5 job, who will be here for our children? The need to compensate for the gap in income impacts every aspect of my life and self-concept.

What I am examining in my own life, I see in the lives of many 40+ women. We have lost our compass. At each stage of our life, we have a specific task. We are adding an element to our lives: a career, our own home, a partner, maybe a child or a pet, climbing the ladder at work etc. We are great at caring for our loved ones. Then we reach a point when every category competes for our time, energy and attention. We have a demanding job during the day, plans with our partner after work and a sick child at home. We do our best to be the best employee, mother, spouse, daughter, friend we can be. Our children grow and become more independent, our partner's business is thriving, our workplace changes as do the expectations on us and our parents age.

We wake up during our 40s and realize that we have neglected our own needs. We look in the mirror and notice how much weight we've gained. We read old journal entries and recall our aspirations. We examine our relationships and do some pruning. This is where all the changes happen for women in this age group. There is an awakening. It might make you sad, angry, satisfied, excited, either way, you are motivated to take action.

I have many interests that I wish to explore and share with you. That is what this blog is all about. This is an opportunity for me to expand my horizons, satisfy my curiosity and connect with others. Reading about and, reporting on various topics will restore the equilibrium in my life. If you would like to read my other blog or learn more about my services, please visit my website: www.artnsoul.org